When the Dust Settles
by She is Divine
Summary: Where do you go and what do you do when war takes away everything that matters to you? Army Sergeant Edward Cullen has to find out and learns new, important lessons about family, friendship, and love along the way. AH.
1. Army Special

**A/N: **We had so much fun last time we wrote a story together that we decided to try again. We're about to pester you with the result. Massive thanks and lots of sloppy smooches go out to our wonderful team, **sherryola**, **Dinx**, **jointgifts**, **nowforruin**, and **Mizzdee**!

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1 - Army Special<strong>

**EPOV**

The heat was unbearable. The dust was fucking everywhere. The sun was giving me the illusion that I was a goddamn pie baking in a goddamn oven. I was hot. Tense. Dirty. Overwhelmed with thoughts that I wanted nothing more than to evict from my head forever. I really had no time or use for thoughts about my sorry excuse for a family now – I was too busy being miserable.

"Morning, Cullen. Nothing like a beautiful April day, huh?"

I fought the grimace threatening to appear on my face because, honestly, who the hell was I to throw a damper on Jake's good mood? I gaped at him. At that moment, it was the question I wanted the answer to more than anything – why was I miserable when Jacob Swan was in such a good mood?

Our circumstances were exactly the same – same heat, same dust, same sun, same uniforms, same godforsaken war. We had both agreed to come here, although his decision had support back home while mine did not. But why the fuck was he so cheerful? And it wasn't just today – Jake was _always_ fucking cheerful, grinning, and happy. _Shit_. I knew I was jaded, but I had no idea that I was _that_ jaded.

"Cullen?" Jake was looking a little less cheerful and more concerned now, probably because I was staring at him like an idiot who had never seen a human being before.

"Yeah. Morning, Jake." I sighed and took off my helmet and ran a hand through my damp, sweaty hair. Ugh. There was dust there, too.

"You okay, Rusty?" Jake asked.

I forced a smile. Hell, I _was_ supposed to keep up my men's morale, not tear it down with my miserable thoughts. Although we had gone through basic training together, my hard work and dedication had made me a sergeant faster than most others – including Jake, who was unconcerned with titles unless they were movie titles. "I'm fine," I said. "I just had one of those embarrassing epiphanies."

Jake grinned but didn't look like he understood. Of course he didn't. He was too damn unspoiled and too damn cheerful. I didn't know how he pulled it off. _Lucky bastard_.

"So hey, I've got cookies for you," Jake said, thrusting a plastic container into my hands. "You know, my sister insists on making everyone in the squad their favorite cookies at least once on this tour. Well, you're up, Rusty!"

He grinned. "Considering how you always stuff yourself when I get peanut butter cookies, I figured they were your favorites, so here ya go – compliments of the best sister in the world."

Jake's sister was legendary in our squad. She sent cookies, cakes, candy – hell, Jake even talked her into sending issues of Playboy as long as he swore that they weren't for him. She really didn't know her brother as well as she thought she did, especially if she expected him to be honest about porn. She also had a way of twisting her words in such a way that every day events became the greatest source of entertainment when Jake read her letters out loud at night to the whole squad.

"Thanks, Chief. They look great. Please thank her for me," I said, looking down at the most delicious-looking cookies I had seen since I was a kid and believed in goddamn Santa Claus. A cold glass of milk, and I would have been in fucking heaven. Though, with my luck, the milk would be full of sand like everything else was.

"Will do," Jake replied with a wide smile, still doing one hell of an impression of the happiest man in the world. Okay, maybe I would be happy, too, if I had a sister who sent me cookies and porn. Mine didn't send me as much as a postcard.

I stored my cookies in the safest place I could think of because they were fucking sacred. I tasted one – _one_ – because the little pieces of heaven had to last.

_Shit_.

Best cookie ever. I mentally nominated Jake's sister for sainthood while I walked over to join my squad and checked my gear. No one had ever deserved to be a saint more than she did. Maybe eating her cookies would make me experience a miracle. Maybe I would wake up tomorrow morning back in the States and all of this would just have been one big motherfucker of a nightmare.

Or not.

I hated the patrols, just like I hated most of our jobs here. It was only when I took a look at the bigger picture that I liked what I was doing, although admittedly it was sometimes difficult to see the difference we were supposed to be making here.

I had served my first tour overseas in Iraq, but this was my second time in Afghanistan. In both places, I did my best to keep my attention on my men and off the massive dent we were attempting to make in the international duck pond. If my eyes strayed from the men and my job, I only ended up fucking frustrated. Well, _more_ frustrated.

Sometimes I allowed myself to wonder a little bit about why the hell I didn't get the fuck out of the Army. The only reason I could come up with was a pathetic one. I didn't know what the fuck else to do with myself and my life. Even if I was miserable, I served a purpose here. I was good at being a soldier, and if I really put my mind to it, I could honestly claim that I was making a difference.

_Crap_.

Even in my head I sounded like one of those stupid commercials. An army of one, my ass.

Everything and everyone on the patrol was tense. Yesterday, a patrol had been shot at, and one of our guys was critically injured. Every time something like that happened, everyone would be a little on edge the next day – or longer, depending on how fucking jaded you were. Unfortunately I was only tense because my men were. Nothing out of the ordinary happened on the patrol, though, so that was a relief.

The mail was discussed while we ate our dinner – goo supposed to be some kind of stew with dumplings. At least I hoped they were dumplings. It was fucking nasty. The mail was always one of the hottest topics of discussion – guys sharing bits of news from home, showing new pictures of wives, girlfriends, and kids. Others were getting misty-eyed over sentimental letters from their mothers and squaring their shoulders in pride after receiving words of praise from their fathers. And, of course, teasing from the lucky few on the receiving end of goodies such as chocolate or cookies from someone back home with a kind heart.

Then there was me – defining silence in the midst of the happy chaos with nothing to add or share. I never really got any mail; at least no one wrote to me regularly. The cookies from Jake's saint of a sister were the only goodies anyone had ever sent me on my tours overseas, and it was only because I happened to have Jake in my squad.

Because I had nothing to share, I made it a point to appear as if I was not listening when the other guys read from their letters. But the truth was that I craved their little tidbits of normality like a fucking addict. It was rather embarrassing. I could always count on Jake to feed my addiction, though. He didn't just read his sister's letters out loud, he damn near yelled them out loud so that everyone could hear what she wrote. He took such great joy and pride in everything in his life – from his sister's letters to the multi-colored, knitted socks his mother sent him once in a while because his feet got cold at night. I had never met anyone so unspoiled as Jake, and I would never give him grief about his socks like some of the other guys. He was refreshing. And I was going goddamn stale.

The content of the letters was by no means fascinating, but the way they were written made us all feel like we were experiencing the trivial little everyday encounters ourselves. And that was what we all wanted - to be home. The stories always had a funny twist, too, making us laugh – more often than not at the expense of a particularly clumsy friend of hers. Early on, Jake shared with us that he had no doubt that all the funny stories were true because his sister's friend did have a tendency to find herself in embarrassing situations. Once there had been an added PS in a letter, saying that it was with the consent of her friend that she wrote about the funny incidents. Her friend had apparently told her that for once in her life, she was grateful for her clumsy tendencies because they put smiles on her heroes' faces. When Jake read that out loud, no one laughed.

I offered the guys in my squad some of my cookies that night. I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was to hide and eat all of them myself. But of course I couldn't. The other guys who had received cookies from Jake's sister had shared, so I had to share, too. _Crap_. At least I kept half of them hidden, so I could have them to myself later.

I didn't sleep well that night. My dreams were a jumbled mess of peanut butter cookies, missing mail, and dust. Because dust was fucking everywhere – even in my subconscious.

That meant that I was more grouchy than usual when we inhaled our breakfast. Jake was his usual, sunshiny self, though, and I gratefully let him pull me out of my gloom. Our friendship was the most peculiar thing, really. I was quiet, moody, introverted, and haunted by the shadows of my past. Jake was the exact opposite. He was a naturally happy, smiling, straightforward kind of guy whose deepest, darkest secret was that he had jizzed in his pants when watching his first porn movie at age fifteen. Yep, the guy was practically spouting rainbows out his ass, and he probably rode unicorns back home in his spare time.

We were both from the fine state of Washington and both in the Army, but that was where the similarities ended. Yet, he was the only one in this hell hole I would categorize as a real friend. I'd give my life for anyone of them, but they weren't friends – at least not friends in the sense that I'd tell them my secrets or whatever.

I knew it was my own fault that I was so isolated, but I had no way – and no desire – to change that. Jake didn't care about the walls I had erected around myself. He was someone that his family was proud of, a charming motherfucker, and obviously used to getting what he wanted and, for some obscure reason, he wanted my friendship. And he took it before I even had the chance to offer it myself. I would have, though.

Everything – _life_ – was easy for Jake, and I envied him for that. My own life was such a mess, and while the road stretched out in a goddamn flower-edged line for him, my own way was murky and shadowed at best. I had seniority when it came to our jobs, but Jake was the one who seemed like he had life figured out. Like him, I was twenty-six, but I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It sucked. However, I still liked him.

There was one fact that I was proud of. Despite – or maybe because of – my antisocial behavior, I was one of the most respected sergeants in the camp. There was never any shit with my squad, and fuck me if I didn't take pride in that. My life had been reduced to nothing but the Army over the past few years, so it really mattered that I was successful within the boundaries it set for me.

It had been with a different idealism that I had signed up for this gig, but all of my grand ambitions and ideals had been slowly shattered along the way. Or choked in the goddamn dust. I had been so fucking proud of my decision, and still was in so many ways, but it had cost me so much.

The following day, we went on patrol again. It was probably impossible, but it felt even hotter than the previous one. I had long ago stopped looking at thermometers and their fucking ever-rising temperatures. That shit only depressed me, and I was good in that department even without the influence of the weather.

Jake was grinning as we got into our vehicles. "Only three more weeks, Rusty. Three more weeks and I am back in Forks! I can't wait!"

"Actually, it's only nineteen days," Alec Scott corrected with a lazy grin. "You gotta keep up, guys."

"Nineteen days till Forks." Jake grinned. "Ahhhhh…"

"How the hell can you miss a hole in the ground named Forks?" Tyler Crowley asked. He was from LA, and anything smaller than that was, in his opinion, not worthy of being put on maps.

"Forks is fucking great, man," Jake bravely defended his hometown. "Tell 'em, Cullen."

I laughed. "Sorry, Swan. I've never been to Forks, but I have been to Port Angeles, and the area is beautiful. I'll vouch for Washington as the best state in the country any damn day."

"Fuck yes!" Jake enthused, making us all laugh.

"What are you going to do in the hole in the ground when you get back?" Crowley asked.

"Join the family business," Jake replied. "I'm getting out of the Army. She'd never say it, but I get the feeling my mom's not real fond of me being over here."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what is the family business?" Crowley asked, snickering.

Jake flipped him off good-naturedly. "My parents own the only diner and the only bar in Forks – called Upstairs and Downstairs, respectively. I'm gonna work Downstairs – in the bar."

"You're shitting me – Upstairs and Downstairs?" Crowley guffawed.

"Hey, hey, hey, there is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with those names – or the fine establishments that they are. Fuck you, city brat. You're all goddamn city brats," he complained, looking around at us. "You just don't know what you're missing out on."

It was true. The rest of us were from bigger cities, and we probably didn't know what we were missing out on – just as Jake had no idea what it was like living in the city.

I had grown up in Seattle. I loved the city, but it didn't feel like home anymore. Maybe I should spend some time on that soon – finding a place to call home. _Maybe_.

The mood was less tense on the patrol that day – Crowley even cracked a joke when we passed a bombed out shed, asking Jake if it had any resemblance to Downstairs back in Forks. Jake stuck out his tongue like the mature US Army fighting machine that he was.

I didn't have time to laugh. Not even a chuckle escaped me, and a smile never made it to my lips before the bullets started flying around us.

We were being fucking ambushed.

The fact that I was a goddamn jaded bastard meant that I skipped right past the shock that hit the others momentarily. I had been in similar situations before, and I barely needed to think before I started barking out orders.

I then registered two things at the same time. Jake had been hit in the neck and was bleeding on the floor. And Jones, who was driving the vehicle, had also been hit and was slumped over the steering wheel. He must still have had his foot on the gas, because the vehicle was moving. I yelled at Crowley to take over the driving before we ended up in a ditch and became a stationary target for the motherfuckers still shooting at us.

I was sure that Tyler Crowley did his best because that was the kind of man he was, but we did end up in the ditch. And just as I heard a chopper overhead coming to help us out of the mess we had ended up in, the world around me exploded.

Again my jadedness made me register something faster than should have been possible. Only this time I wasn't sure I had wanted to know what was happening before everything went black. It was a fucking rotten last thought to have.

_Roadside bomb. _

Floating. I was floating. Voices were floating around me, too. Was I a cloud? Or maybe a flying carpet starring in a new version of Aladdin? Maybe I was just dead. Or dreaming. But my dreams usually involved dust, and there sure as fuck wasn't any dust here right now. Not even the floating kind.

Then I felt the pain and started considering that maybe I had it all wrong, and I was really in hell. I had no doubt that God was as acutely aware of my past as I was. Yeah, and I couldn't really see myself being allowed through the pearly gates. Hell it was.

I had fought many battles before, but few had been as fierce as the one which allowed me to open my eyes. Sweet victory. And what the fuck? There was an angel hovering above me – white clothes, blonde hair, beautiful smile, and was that a halo? Fuck me, I had it all wrong again. Since I apparently _was_ in heaven, what monster fuck-up had taken place to allow that?

"Sergeant?"

The angel was trying to get my attention but her voice was…floaty. Shit, I needed to update my vocabulary one of these days.

"Are you in pain, Sergeant Cullen?"

Fuck yes! But _why_ was I in pain if I was in heaven? Weren't the two mutually exclusive or some shit?

I think I managed a nod. And then I was floating again. Or fading. I wasn't really sure which, and I was too tired to care. I just went with it.

The next time I woke up, both the pain and the angel were there. Only the pain was worse, and the angel wasn't really an angel. She was a nurse, and she let me in on what I had been up to lately. It was kind of like when you'd been drunk and were told the story of your drunken escapades the next day while you nursed a motherfucking hangover. Fuck, I wished I had been getting trashed.

Nurse Angel started out by reminding me of the roadside bomb that I had managed to forget all about. The memories assaulted my mind, and Nurse Angel had to repeat her next words about the extent of my injuries.

I had completely missed out on my cozy, little stay at Landstuhl because of a medicine-induced coma due to swelling in my brain. Well, fuck me for missing out on a vacation in Europe. She told me that I was currently at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC. I had apparently hurt my back, completely blown out my knee, narrowly avoiding having my leg amputated, and tried to beat the world record in the highest number of cuts and scrapes. I couldn't wrap my head around the things she was telling me. Even though I remembered the blast and felt the pain now, it didn't feel like it was something that had happened to me.

I asked about the men in my squad, but Nurse Angel didn't know anything. That gave me all the encouragement I needed to fall back asleep. Avoidance had been tested through centuries and probably millennia, so it was good enough for me, too.

The third time I woke up, an all too familiar voice reached my ears and made me keep my eyes shut, feigning sleep.

"And you are absolutely sure that he will be okay?" I heard my sister, Alice, ask. _Fuck_. Hearing her voice after all this time both hurt more than my leg did, but it also healed me a little bit.

"Yes, Sergeant Cullen is already well on the way toward a full recovery," someone assured Alice. "He will need a lot of physical therapy, and I can't give any guarantees that his knee will ever be strong enough for him to be reinstated for active duty, but all in all he will be fine, Miss Cullen."

Miss Cullen? I kept the frown off my face. I thought for sure she and Jasper would have been married by now. My once-upon-a-time best friend had proposed to my sister right around the time when everything went to hell, and Alice had been in full planning mode even though they hadn't even started college yet.

"I'm sure he will be awake soon and pleased to see a familiar face," the male voice said – probably a doctor or some shit.

I held my breath as Alice hesitated.

"Um…no, I should go. We don't really talk. I just…I just needed to make sure that he was okay," she finally said.

There was no reason for me to be surprised or disappointed. I even told myself that I would have done the same if our roles had been reversed. But it goddamn stung.

Suppressing all thoughts of my family in the way I had been perfecting for years, I focused on sleeping – ignorance was bliss.

Being hospitalized was fucking boring, especially when the drug-induced fog cleared from my head. All I did was stare at the ceiling and attempt not to let my thoughts get the best of me. Then I started my physical therapy and suddenly appreciated the staring at the ceiling thing a hell of a lot more. Motherfucker, those demons moonlighting as physical therapists knew how to make a grown man cry. I had this theory that they had replaced whatever was inside of my knee with Jell-o while I was in a coma – because that was what it felt like when the demons made me use it. Maybe they were harder on me because I didn't complain – but then again, what soldier would? I just gritted my teeth, swallowed the pain, and ignored the demons' attempt to be funny. They really weren't.

"How are you this morning, Sergeant?"

I grimaced and ignored her. I had taken up praying to God regularly since waking up at Walter Reed. The reason was my nurse, Tanya. I had mistaken her for an angel the first time I had seen her, and while she definitely still looked like one, she had turned out to be Nurse Devil instead. She was clingy, unprofessional as fuck, and had absolutely no respect for personal space – especially not mine. On top of that, she was also a gossip, nosy as hell, and had the class of a goddamn whore. I had requested another nurse, but nothing had come of it. Tanya was probably performing sexual favors for whoever was in charge of that shit. I certainly wouldn't put it past her.

Despite all her shortcomings, she did have her uses. Although her gossipy ways had nearly given me a heart attack when I overheard her tell another nurse how she was planning to find herself a _hot soldier to marry,_ and that I was her prime candidate – _oh fuck no!_ – her loose lips had also provided me with the news that one Doctor Cullen was frequently calling to ask about my condition.

Like my sister's visit, which no one had ever bothered to tell me about, it was something that I didn't know what to do about. No matter how I looked at it, it fucking hurt that my family was curious enough to inquire about me, but apparently didn't care enough to actually visit or talk to me.

I would see guys around me in similar circumstances – only they were surrounded by people who thanked God for sparing their son's, their husband's, or their brother's life. _I_ barely thanked God for keeping me alive. I just begged him to free me from Nurse Devil and her wandering hands.

I did get one visit from my commanding officer, Colonel Banner. Most depressing visit ever. He surprised me one afternoon after a grueling session of torturous physical therapy.

"It's good to see you, Cullen," he greeted me, sitting down in a plastic chair next to my bed and presenting me with a box of chocolate purchased in the hospital's gift shop. The sticker with the price was still on it.

"Thank you, sir. You, too."

He nodded. He wasn't the most talkative person I had ever met, and he had perfected the art of communicating with a series of different nods – confusing the hell out of you until you got to know him and could decode the nods. "So, how is your rehabilitation coming along, Sergeant?"

"As well as can be expected, sir," I replied. "At least that's what they tell me."

Colonel Banner nodded again. "Yes, your doctor told me about your knee. Damn shame."

I raised my eyebrows because that shitty doctor of mine barely told _me_ anything. The colonel took it upon himself to continue. "If I may give you a piece of advice, Cullen…I've seen men in your situation many times before. Trust me when I say that the last thing I want is to discourage you, but get out now, son. Don't renew your contract. No one is going to think you are a quitter or any nonsense like that, and it will save you a lot of unnecessary grief. Get out now and find something to make you happy. You are an extraordinary soldier, Cullen, but you have done your duty – and beyond."

Shit. And that was me getting dismissed. Sent on my way. Thrown out with the trash. Adios, Cullen.

After everything I had done for the Army and my country – risking my life, sacrificing everything, and being blown the fuck up – they just wanted to get rid of me. I'd show them that it took more than a fucked-up knee to get the better of me. I hadn't come as far as I had by quitting when things got rough.

Only…he was right. I didn't want to spend months and months in a feeble attempt to get my knee back in shape only to get shot down. Maybe I _was_ a quitter, but I didn't have that kind of fight left in me – mainly because I wasn't sure that the Army was something I wanted to fight for anymore. It wasn't like they wanted to fight for me. The only problem was that it was all I had in my life.

I forced myself to ignore my own crisis and focus on something much more important – something that had been driving me crazy.

"Sir, can you tell me what happened in Afghanistan? I was knocked out when we hit the roadside bomb, and there hasn't been anyone who could tell me anything."

Colonel Banner looked slightly uncomfortable, which meant it was fucking bad.

"Jones, Crowley, Swan, and Byrne were killed, and nine others, including you, were injured. You and Jackson were the most critical. He lost both his legs but should be fine. They got to you as soon as they could."

Emptiness washed over me at the colonel's words. Somewhere deep inside of me there was a flicker of grief, but the emptiness swallowed it quickly. There was something utterly wrong about someone like Jake not existing anymore. I didn't know exactly how I could have prevented what had happened, but I felt like a complete and utter failure. My greatest fear had come true – I had failed my men in the worst way.

I barely registered the colonel leaving after a series of un-decoded nods, a load of platitudes, and mention of leaving the Army again. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of gloom, bobbing around amongst the waves like an empty raft.

I thought about Jones, our southern boy, whose mother faithfully sent him cornbread, because he was sure that he couldn't possibly survive without it. And I thought about our big city snob, Crowley, who underneath all his bullshit was one of the fiercest and bravest guys I had ever met. There was also Byrne, our usually quiet Irishman, who ran his goddamn mouth like an old woman every time he came within ten feet of alcohol. And Jake. Happy go-fucking-lucky Jacob Swan who had thought he could take on the world single-handedly. Jake who was the epitome of life, and had saved my sorry ass from becoming too damn depressed countless times with his jokes and smiles and letters from his sister. Jake who had been three lousy weeks away from getting out alive. And I hadn't been able to save him – to get him back to his family.

The gloom never left me. I blew off the psychiatrists I was supposed to spill my guts to. I did everything the demon physical therapists told me to, reveling in the pain because it was the only thing that made me feel alive. I took the advice the colonel they shoved down my throat by not renewing my contract, and then I bailed.

Bailing in my case meant limping out in borrowed scrubs.

The army had been my foundation in life, and now that it was gone, I had to go and find a new foundation. It was difficult, though, because I had no idea what I was looking for or where I was supposed to look for it. So I was going to look for it all over.

Literally.

One silver Volvo held all my worldly possessions. One tattered notebook with a maroon cover held many of my jumbled up thoughts. One place somewhere held the promise of a future for me – but unlike the Volvo and the notebook, I had no idea how to find the place.

I searched for it relentlessly. I spent a few days in Atlanta where I visited Jones' grave. It took me an hour to decide on what kind of flower arrangement best said, "I'm fucking sorry for failing you, buddy," and then another hour to find the courage to walk through the gate at the cemetery. Seeing the name on the headstone killed me a little bit, and I couldn't help but wish that the fucking roadside bomb had killed me instead of Jones. And instead of Crowley, Byrne, and Jake. This was all wrong. I had the same feeling when I stood at Crowley's grave in LA and Byrne's in Chicago. All three places I got completed trashed after seeing the familiar names engraved on fucking stones. It was just wrong.

I drove right through Arkansas, threw darts at a map of Arizona to figure out which towns to visit, got drunk and gambled away too much money in Las Vegas, did a U-turn, sure that Texas held my future and trashed a motel room when discovering that it didn't. Nothing was right anywhere.

Weeks passed as steadily as the states, cities, and towns. The cities were too big and the towns too small. The south was too hot and the north too cold. My knee ached like hell from all the driving, and my back protested loudly at the lack of decent beds. I was in constant need of doing laundry, and I was lonelier than ever. I was as fucking miserable in the States as I had been in Afghanistan. Go figure.

It was a cold day in September when I drove into Seattle. It was inevitable that I would end up in the one place I had refused to even think about visiting in my search for what more and more seemed to be the ghost of a dream. I let the familiarity wash over me while I took in all the well-known sights. I considered stopping and staying the night at a motel, but the panic rising in my throat at the thought made me keep driving.

I didn't allow myself to think it through, but for once I wasn't unsure about where I was going. Perhaps I was even heading for the real destination of my road trip. Maybe looking for my future had been another way of saying that I was looking for closure all along. For forgiveness. I had not acknowledged it at the time, but that was, deep down, what my visits to Atlanta, LA, and Chicago had been about. So now I was going to the great town of Forks. I was going to say goodbye to Jake and ask for the forgiveness that he could never give.

The "Welcome to Forks" sign greeted me in the rain the following morning. I had spent the night at a motel in Port Angeles, tossing and turning in a bed with a too-soft mattress. Now that I was this close, I wasn't sure that I was ready to actually say goodbye.

It was so fucking sad, but Jake had been the only friend I'd had had in the Army. There had been plenty of people I had admired and respected, as well as those that I had accepted and tolerated. But friendship had become an almost foreign concept to me ever since my old life had left me behind.

Forks was small. So small that I had passed through it before I even realized it. I turned around and made my way back, driving through it a few times until I knew exactly where to find the bar and the diner, as well as the cemetery. Visiting the town was not enough, like it had been with LA, Atlanta, and Chicago – in Forks I knew that I had to…

_Had to what, exactly? _

I sat a long time in my car outside the cemetery thinking about what I had to do. Would seeing Jake's grave give me closure? Or would it make me cry like a goddamn baby and admit to myself that I was fucking lost? The latter seemed very likely. I was not ready for that shit, so I drove away from there under the guise that I hadn't gotten any flowers. Me, my fear, and my guilty conscience all knew it was bullshit.

I easily found the local florist, and for once I had no difficulties finding the right kind of flower arrangement. It seemed everything was easy to find in Jake's beloved Forks. Sunflowers caught my eye immediately. Jake had been a mobile, cheerful sun for those around him, keeping up the morale when it was low and telling jokes to whoever was feeling homesick, miserable, or scared. Now that Jake shone no more, leaving him sunflowers seemed appropriate.

I drove back to the cemetery, determined to do this for the only man I had considered a friend since my family had abandoned me. When I got out of the car, my attention was captured by a loud group of Native American guys standing outside the gate. They reminded me eerily of Jake with their dark skin and dark hair, but I knew there was reservation around here where his mother originated from. I glared at them. They were fucking loud and disrespectful, being at a cemetery and all.

"It's almost disgraceful that you're mourning him, Bella. He chose his own destiny by going to Afghanistan – he might as well have walked out in front of a train!" I heard one of the guys say rudely as I got the flowers out of the backseat.

"Jake was a hero, Sam," a female voice said. "But, of course, you and your stupid disciples know nothing about that, you miserable cowards."

My head whipped around at whiplash speed at the mention of Jake.

"A hero?" Another one of the imbeciles huffed. "He died fighting someone else's war. He made a fool of himself, and now you're making a fool of yourself – _again_ – crying over him."

Rage consumed me, and I deposited the flowers on the roof of my car before marching over to do what I had failed to do in Afghanistan – protect my friend.

"I suggest you shut the fuck up since you obviously have no fucking clue what you're talking about, asshole!" I seethed, coming face to face with the brainless bunch.

"Mind your own business, man," one of them said, towering over me.

I didn't care that he looked like he was on steroids, and that I was fucking out of shape. With the rage coursing through me, I had no doubt that I could still kick his ass.

"The memory of anyone giving their life to protect what he believes _is_ my goddamn business, and you are being fucking disrespectful!"

"What the hell do you know about Jake? He was _our_ friend," another one of the idiots said.

I scoffed. "Friend? Well, I happen to have met the enemy, and they were about as friendly as you are."

"Fuck you, man," was the intelligent reply thrown my way before the morons shuffled off.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly, trying to let my anger go. It was one thing not to agree with our country's involvement in Afghanistan, but to talk trash about a friend who had died fighting for people's freedom…shit. The world was full of idiots.

My eyes snapped back open when I felt a hand on my arm. The bit of human contact almost burned my skin. It was the girl who the moron gang had been giving shit. In my rage I had completely forgotten about her. She was looking at me wide-eyed and, holy hell, she was pretty. Jake had never mentioned a girlfriend waiting for him at home. In fact, he had made it sound like every girl in Forks was eagerly awaiting his return. But this little thing – porcelain skin, long, coffee-colored hair, eyes the same color, and curves just begging for a man's touch – had defended him like he had truly mattered to her.

"I didn't actually need your help. Just because you think you know something about serving in Afghanistan doesn't mean that you can just play hero to strangers who don't need it," she said seriously. She turned away from me and walked off before I could articulate a reply.

_Well, damn_.

I shook my head and watched her walk away. What a little firecracker. I guess I should have told her that I hadn't done it for her but for Jake. However, I wasn't sure it had made a difference to her. I sighed. Time to forget about pretty, little firecrackers. I needed to go see Jake.

I picked up the flowers and went in through the gate. I glared at the sun when it broke through the clouds, angry that it could shine at the place that Jake loved the most when he wasn't there anymore. It wasn't right. The cemetery wasn't big, and just like everything else in Forks, it didn't take me long to find the grave I was looking for.

When I stood in front of the headstone, looking at the engraved letters and trying to comprehend that Jacob Swan didn't exist anymore, I suddenly had no words. There were no apologies tumbling from my lips and no begging for forgiveness. There was nothing except a lone tear running down my cheek.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't even say goodbye. I put the flowers down and practically ran out to my car. I leaned my head against the cool metal and took a deep breath. I had never run away from anything before. I had thought myself brave, but I was a fucking failure. I got into the car and drove away. I had to come back. I couldn't say goodbye right now, but I also couldn't leave Forks without doing it.

Not far from the cemetery, because nothing was far from anything in Forks, I saw a sign again that made me slow down. Upstairs & Downstairs. Diner upstairs and bar downstairs. I really wanted a drink, but figured lunch would be a better alternative, so I pulled over and parked.

_Alright, Jake. Let's see what you've got._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Still with us?

Come play with us on Twitter where we frolic about, giving out teasers even when we don't mean to - **shelikethesound** & **d_inspiration . **There are also more teasers and goodies to be found on our blog - see link on profile.

See you next time!


	2. Belles of Saint Mary's

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephanie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N**: Here we are again. We are amazed at the response the story has gotten so far. Thanks to everyone who put us on alert or favorited the story. You guys are awesome. Also, we want to give a huge thanks to the Dust team, **Mizzdee**, **nowforruin**, **Dinx**, **sherryola**, and **jointgifts** who have done an amazing job helping us out.

Before we begin, I have to give you guys another warning. It became clear early on when DivineInspiration and I began reading each other's chapters that we had to institute an eating and drinking ban while reading. So, we're extending it to you guys. It's absolutely necessary. I've lost count of how many times we've put our own lives in peril by almost choking.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

**Belles of Saint Mary's**

**BPOV**

I read the words on the gray piece of granite in front of me.

"_**This We'll Defend"**_

They were the words that my brother had lived and died by.

As I sat there in the cemetery, like I had every day since his death, I wondered for the millionth time _why_. _Why him?_ He was the kind of guy people couldn't help but like, loved his country enough to fight for it, and was the best friend I'd ever had. Nothing ever brought him down, and he always had a kind word to say. Yet God had seen fit to take him away from us and leave behind a vacuum.

I ran my hand over the cool stone, tracing the letters carved into it's face. It wasn't right—his life cut short by a sniper's bullet. A coward's act ending his life for what? Territory disputes? Animosity because he was thought to be an evil American? I didn't get it, and I had quit trying. I'd learned a long time before that nothing in the world made sense, and the cowards of the world would try to hurt you if they could.

Jake Swan wasn't your typical older brother. He didn't think of me, his little sister, as a nuisance. Instead, he saw me as a playmate. My earliest memory was of Jake holding me over the tide pools so I could get a better look. Our mother, Sue, freaked out, but had relaxed when she realized that he wasn't trying to dump me into the water.

Honestly, every positive memory I had involved Jake in some way. He was the hero when the bullies would bother me, the shoulder I would cry on when I got hurt, and the protector when the shadows came creeping in. When we were older, and I started dating, it was a contest between him and Charlie, our father, as to who would get to scare my date. Charlie had his guns he'd clean in their presence, and Jake, well, he liked to talk about horror movie scenes and how easy it would be to recreate one. There were a few suitors that couldn't hack the pressure and would leave scared shitless. At the time, I hated both of them for it, but I'd wished I'd had my big brother around when…

Our parents owned a bar/diner in town. In their ingenious planning, they took the old train station that had been sitting abandoned for years and turned it into one of Forks' most popular hangout spots. Upstairs and Downstairs had everything you could want. Upstairs held the diner—_the _place to get a burger and milkshake. High school kids came in droves, and even Jake and I frequented it before our parents put us to work to _learn the value of a dollar_. Downstairs was one of the town's only bars, and a favorite of most of Forks' citizens over twenty-one. It was where I was working when the news came that would change our small family's lives forever.

It was before the bar opened—Dad and I were setting up for the night when Mom came down the back stairs. Only…she wasn't alone. A man, wearing his dress blues, followed behind her. Charlie stiffened at the sight—he already knew what was going on because of his past service. Mom and I, though, were confused and couldn't understand why the man was there.

After a few minutes, it became clear that it wasn't a social call by the stiff way the soldier stood. Charlie left his post behind the bar, walking over to the man.

"Sir," the soldier said to my father. "It is with regret I bring you this news. Your son, Corporal Jake Swan, was killed in action during a patrol two days ago."

"No, you're wrong. Someone lied to you! Jake is fine! He's coming home in three weeks!" my mother screamed.

My father grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. She began sobbing, asking _why_—that one word echoed over and over again. Dad told her he didn't know _why_ but that we would get through it. As the scene played out before me, I stood frozen. I saw the soldier positioned off to the side, looking like he wished anyone but him had delivered the horrible message. Mom and Dad clung to each other, while Mom broke down. Dad stood with her in his arms but didn't shed a tear. He looked empty…like all of the joy in his life had disappeared.

That look didn't leave his face when, a week later, we stood in the cemetery waiting to bury Jake. Dad stood stock still as the rifles fired off in three sets of seven. Mom and I held onto each other and cried, not wanting to let go of our beloved Jake. At the end, the preacher dedicated his body to God and the earth, and we watched as the cemetery workers lowered his casket into the ground.

The large crowd that had come to say goodbye to their friend left, but the three of us stayed until we were sure he was safe. We watched as the cement lid was placed on the vault, and the dirt put back into the hole. It didn't seem right to leave until we knew that everything was finished.

We tried to resume a normal pace afterward, but even three months later, the hole that Jake's death had created was still fresh and gaping. The one thing that didn't change was our family's close bond. If anything, the tragedy had made us realize that nothing in life was guaranteed and each little moment counted, making us stronger.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here, boys."

I was pulled from my trip down memory lane by Sam, resident jackass of the Quileute reservation down the road, and his band of followers—Quil, Paul, and Jared. They called themselves _The Protectors_, but it was just an excuse to harass people and feel important. My grandfather, Billy, still lived on the reservation and had no use for them, especially since Sam was…my ex's best friend.

"Why are you here anyway? Can't you just leave me in peace to mourn my brother?" I asked as I stood up to glare at the bastards.

"It's almost disgraceful that you're mourning him, Bella. He chose his own destiny by going to Afghanistan—he might as well have walked out in front of a train!" Sam said in a condescending voice.

How dare those assholes question Jake's choice to serve in the Army? He had more honor and courage than those wannabes, pretending to stand up for the rights of the Quileute Nation while mocking the country it was nestled in. No, my brother knew what was right and not only served his country, but our people in that war.

"Jake was a hero, Sam," I pointed out, stepping closer. "But of course neither you nor any of your stupid disciples would know anything about that, you miserable cowards."

"A hero?" Jared huffed loudly. "He died fighting someone else's war. He made a fool of himself, and now you're making a fool of yourself—_again—_crying over him."

Just as I was about to lunge at Jared for his comments, a man came storming into the cemetery. He was tall, not quite as tall as the other men, but he was over six feet. The man was well toned, indicating he worked out. His hair was a strange mix of brown, blonde, and red, and it looked like he hadn't combed it that morning. His face—_oh my God_—was pale, angular, and strong. He looked like an angel of destruction coming toward us, beautiful in his rage.

"I suggest you shut the fuck up since you obviously have no fucking clue what you're talking about, asshole!" the stranger seethed, stopping in front of the group.

"Mind your own business, man," Paul suggested, rising up to his full height. They stared each other down for a few seconds, and then the man spoke.

"The memory of anyone losing their life to protect what he believes _is_ my goddamn business, and you are being fucking disrespectful!" he pointed in their direction as he yelled.

"What the hell do you know about Jake? He was _our_ friend," Sam said, leaning toward the man.

He scoffed in an incredulous tone. "Friend? Well, I happen to have met the enemy, and they were about as friendly as you are."

"Fuck you, man," was Quil's brilliant reply, and they slithered off like the cowards they were.

I looked back at the stranger and saw that his eyes were closed. Damn, he was pretty. _Get it together, Bella. He's just like every other man, willing to play hero so he can get into your pants. Snap out of it!_

I placed my hand on his bicep, trying to get his attention. His eyes snapped open, and up close they were the greenest eyes I'd ever seen—grass was probably the closest color.

_Ugh, quit looking at the pretty boy._

"I didn't actually need your help. Just because you think you know something about serving in Afghanistan doesn't mean that you can just play hero to strangers who don't need it," I said, forcing myself to ignore his attractiveness as I walked away.

I clenched and unclenched my fists as I exited the cemetery, because I was pissed that the guy had cast me as the damsel in distress. It was fucking typical. A man saw a woman in a tense situation, and he automatically thought she needed rescuing. I was sure he thought I'd just fall into his arms because he stood up to the big, bad men for me, but I wasn't going to swoon over his actions. I'd learned long ago that men were the enemy—_they always turn on you—_and I wasn't going to fall into that trap again.

~.~.~.~

I stood outside of a small house and knocked on the front door. A warm summer breeze caressed my skin, causing my hair to fly into my face. I pushed the strands back and tucked them behind my ear. Knocking again, I wondered if anyone was home. They'd said they would be, so I was beginning to worry.

As I raised my hand to knock for a third time, the sound of footsteps sounded on the other side of the door. They were followed by a thud and a feminine voice cursing. I chuckled softly, not being able to help myself. Honestly, I loved the girl, but walking most of the time was a challenge for her. She liked to say she was so clumsy that she was practically disabled.

A few seconds later, the door swung open, revealing my best friend. Even with her clumsiness, she was one of the most loyal people I knew. She didn't trust easily, but when you earned it, she would fight for you to the end. At the same time, though, she was shy and would blush at the drop of a hat. She was awkward around new people, but if push came to shove, her protective nature would override her bashfulness.

The one thing that drove me absolutely bat shit crazy, though, was her extreme insecurity. I had never understood her self-doubting, because she was gorgeous. She hid her figure behind grandma clothes—I told her she would be a fox if she'd lose them—but she would always brush me off and say I was crazy. One day, I vowed, I was going to get her to say she was beautiful.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were coming or not," she said as she peered out the door.

"I know…I'm sorry. I ran into Sam the asshole, and his bitch patrol at the graveyard," I explained, hoping she'd understand.

"Oh! Are you okay?" she asked and began fussing over me. I smiled and gently brushed her away. I had to be careful as I did it, though. She was pretty sensitive and took everything to heart.

"I'm fine," I assured with a smile. "Now, I'm hungry. Let's go eat some lunch, Rose."

~.~.~.~

Over our sandwiches and soup, I told her about the stranger in the cemetery. Her first reaction was to be concerned after she learned that he'd stood up for me. Rose was well aware of my feelings toward the male gender and was worried about me. I assured her that it was fine, but I was curious as to why he was there in the first place. Having lived in Forks my entire life, I knew he wasn't from around town. Add the fact that we didn't get a lot of tourists, and it made his stop in the graveyard suspect. Rose admitted that she didn't know him either when I described him, but that wasn't out of the ordinary. The girl hardly went anywhere and didn't know most people in town, so the fact she didn't know him wasn't strange.

During our conversation, a booming voice echoed through the house. I smiled and jumped up, running over to the bear of a man entering the kitchen. He caught me and swung me around, both of us laughing. He set me down and went over to the stove, checking out what was on it.

"Damn, baby, this looks good. I'm hungry." he leaned over the stove.

"Well, then get some, ya big lug," Rose teased, turning toward Emmett.

I smirked as I watched the exchange. For all of her insecurity, she had landed herself a wonderful man. No, that wasn't quite right. Rosalie was with one of the best people I knew—Emmett McCarty.

He had been Jake's best friend since we were kids, and it had been hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. Growing up, I always had two goofy big brothers who were always pranking someone or cracking jokes. When Rosalie had moved to Forks in seventh grade, she had become my best friend and hung out with the three of us a lot. It hadn't been until Emmett was in college that he had begun to notice Rosalie. He'd just thought of her as a friend, but when she was a junior in high school, things had changed.

They were engaged and about to be married in a few weeks. I was happy for them and couldn't imagine anyone who deserved it as much as those two. I had been a supporter of their relationship from the beginning, even if Jake hadn't. He was worried that Emmett wasn't for real, but he had proved my brother wrong. Jake was supposed to be Emmett's best man, but since he was gone, it was decided that my father would take his place in Jake's honor.

"You working tonight?" Emmett asked as he sat down.

I nodded my head, coming back to the present.

"Uh, yeah. I'm closing tonight," I answered.

"Maybe Rosie and I will see you there. I haven't seen Charlie since our last tux fitting a couple of weeks ago."

"That sounds great. Dad would love to see you, too," I said with a smile in my voice. Dad was gruff, but well liked. He said it was because of all the discounts he gave out over the years, but I knew better. My father was a kind man with a big heart.

I left not long after that, heading home. Emmett tried to get me to let him drive me to my house, but I waved him off. It was a beautiful summer day, and I just wanted to enjoy it. When I got there, I went upstairs to get ready for work.

My mother was in the kitchen when I was finished. She was cooking fish, with some of her brother, Harry's, fish fry. I hated the homemade breading, but it was the stuff of legends in our tiny town and on the reservation. If I told her that, I'd get a lecture on how I didn't know what was good. I admit it—I was a very picky eater and drove my parents nuts because of it. For the sake of peace, I usually just made my own food.

"Hey, Mom," I said, coming to stand next to her.

"Hi, sweetie. Leaving for work soon?" she asked as her gaze traveled to me.

"Yeah, just wanted to grab something real quick."

She shook her head and went back to the food. Yeah, she knew I wasn't going to eat that crap.

An hour later, I pulled into the parking lot of Upstairs/Downstairs. I'd decided to take my car because it would be after two a.m. when I got off. Running a little behind, I quickly got out of the car and headed inside.

The bar was practically empty, but it was only three in the afternoon, so I didn't expect too many people to be there yet. I went behind the bar and began setting up for the night. I had a system for the way I did things, and everyone that worked with me knew better than to fuck with it.

As I put the last glass away, I looked up and noticed my father sitting at one of the far tables. Smiling, I shook my head. Good old Charlie—he loved to shoot the shit with people. It looked like I'd be on my own for a while until James showed up.

My dad shook the man's hand and clapped him on the back. Then they both turned my way, making me freeze. _Son of a motherfucker_. It was the prick from the cemetery.

They walked over to the bar, and I tried to look busy. I was kind of pissed at the moment, and I needed something to do so I wouldn't jump across the bar and kick the shit out of him. _What the shit is he doing here? Does he follow around women he thought needs saving? _

Mr. Wannabe-Savior sauntered over the bar and sat on the stool right in front of me. I ignored him and continued to dry glasses that didn't need it. Dad sat next to him, clearing his throat. _Shit, cock, fuck_. I knew that sound—it meant, _Bella, stop being a bitch and say hi_. I wanted to stomp my foot like a five-year old and tell him I _didn't wanna_. Instead, I put down the glass and towel, facing the stranger.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I said, offering my hand and putting on my best fuck you smile.

"I'm Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you," he replied as he took hold of my hand to shake it. I felt a slight tingle when our skin touched, and I pulled away quickly as if it was covered in slime.

"So, Edward here needs a job, and I think he'd be a great bartender," Dad said with a smile.

Oh great, Mr. Stalker-Extraordinaire was going to work with me? The night was going to shit already.

"Now, Edward, my daughter will be training you. She knows everything there is when it comes to Downstairs, so pay attention to her," I heard my dad say.

_Crazy daddy say what?_

Lovely, my own personal stalker was not only going to be working with me, but he had my father's permission to stay close. I watched as my father and Edward talked for a few more minutes. It kind of irritated me, because Dad was acting like they were long lost best friends. If it kept up, the guy would never go away, and I'd be living in my own version of hell.

I fought the urge to stomp off as I went to the back room. I needed a few minutes to calm down.

"Hey, girl," a voice said from behind me.

I jumped and spun around. James was standing behind me, laughing his ass off. _Prick_. He loved scaring me and did it often. One would think I'd be used to it, and my guard would be up. But no, idiot got me every damn time.

"What the hell, James? Why do you always have to do that?" I asked in a huffy voice.

"Because it's easy," he teased, staring down at me. "Plus, it's not my fault you're unobservant."

"Fuck off," I scoffed, hiding my smile. Truth was James had grown on me since he had started working at the bar. At first, I was nervous because he was a decent looking guy, and I was afraid he'd get a wild hair up his ass and try to pursue me. We'd lost a few bartenders before him for that exact reason. It didn't take long to see that James was different.

One night, we were slow, and there were a few guys sitting on the other side of the bar. James kept staring at them, and I wondered what the hell he was doing. I confronted him and asked why he felt the need to gawk at the customers. He brushed me off, trying to drop it. I had persisted, being my usual bitchy self, and demanded to know what he was trying to accomplish. He pulled me into the back, covering my mouth with his hand after we crossed the threshold to stop me from screaming. He let go when I kicked him, and I told him he had two seconds to explain before he lost his balls.

James was a trooper, though. He looked so nervous but admitted he was gay. I laughed and told him my fears. After that night, we became good work buddies and friends. He had become my favorite person to check out hotties with.

"So, who is that fine man out front with Charlie?" James asked excitedly.

_Oh, God. Here we go_.

"My own personal Buffalo Bill. I swear, he's probably going to skin me for a bitch suit," I said in a snarky tone.

"Ha ha," James said sarcastically. "That boy is too pretty to be a serial killer. Everyone knows the insane are so ugly that even their mammas hate them."

I rolled my eyes. James was cock-struck, and no amount of convincing was going to change his mind.

"Well, if you want him—go for it," I suggested.

"Uh, no. Mr. Huge Cock—and yes, I checked out his crotch—is straight. I know because we can recognize our own, and that boy is too stiff to be gay," he pointed out like it was an obvious conclusion.

"Whatever, just get to work," I grumbled and pointed to the door leading to the bar.

He saluted me. "You got it, Indian princess," he said and walked out to the front.

I would never admit it to him, but James's little nickname for me warmed my heart. He'd taken it upon himself to call me that when he found out about my heritage. I was proud of the fact that I was half Quileute.

I sighed, walking out to start my night. My hopes that stalker boy would start another night were dashed when I saw him standing behind the bar, wiping it down. _All right then_. If he wanted to work in my dad's bar, I was going to show him being a bartender wasn't as easy as most people thought.

"I think it's clean enough," I said, pointing to the bar top. He stopped and looked over at me, staring. I really hoped it wasn't going to be something he did all the time, because the image of boiling puppies came to mind when he did it. I shuddered.

"So, have you ever tended bar before?" I asked with my head cocked to the side. I wanted to know how much experience he had before we got on with it.

"No, I haven't," he admitted sheepishly.

Okay, I could work with a newbie. They were always good for a laugh.

I pulled out some shot glasses and a bottle of tequila. Placing the bottle on the bar, I lined up the glasses.

"All right, I'm going to show you the art of pouring a shot. You see this line right here?" I asked, pointing to a nonexistent line on the side of the glass. He furrowed his brow, and I knew he was confused, but I let him pretend he saw it.

"Yeah," he answered and crossed his arms.

"You want to make sure that every shot contains this much liquor. Charlie may seem like a good guy, but he's a bastard when you fuck up the shots. Trust me, I've gotten enough glasses thrown at me to know," I said as seriously as I could. I looked over at James and tried to tell him with my eyes to play along.

He cleared his throat. "Uh…um…yeah. Don't want to make the boss man mad. Things start flying around, munchkins pop out, and the wicked witch tries to get you sell your soul to the devil. It's not good, so you want to make sure the shots are perfect."

I bit my lip, trying so hard not to burst out laughing. _Fucking James_. He was trying to crack me, and he wasn't going to ruin my fun.

"All right, soldier boy, hop to it," I called out as I left him, going to the other end.

"Soldier boy?" he asked as he turned to where I was standing.

"Were you or where you not a member of the armed services?" I questioned in a sassy tone.

"Yes, how did you know?" he countered.

"Your comments about facing the enemy in the cemetery," I answered with a shrug.

"Oh," was his brilliant reply.

I left him to it, ignoring James's questioning stare. I knew the jerk wanted details, but I was making him wait. It was payback for the Dorothy speech.

~.~.~.~

As the night wore on, I began to question what Dad had been thinking. Mr. Twinkle-Toes rivaled Rose in his clumsiness. Bottles were dropped, glasses had been broken, and he also managed to bathe a customer in beer. James and I worked around him, filling orders and fixing his fuck ups.

"Hey, can you give me a hand here?" Edward's irritated voice called out.

It was ten o'clock and we were in the middle of the Friday night rush. It was not a good time for me to play babysitter, but I slammed the bottle in my hand down and went over to see what Mr. Cry-Baby wanted.

"What?" I stopped in front of him, trying to keep my annoyance in check.

"What? What?" he seethed as he towered over me. "You left me to fend for myself when you know I have no clue what I'm doing, and you ask me _what_?"

I took a deep breath. It would not be a good thing if I killed him. At least, that was what I told myself.

"Look, I don't have time to baby you. This place is crazy on Fridays, and I have no idea why Charlie had you start tonight of all nights."

"Are you always this much of a bitch, or did you have that stick up your ass put there on purpose?" he stared into my eyes and taunted me with his words.

_Oh, pretty boy is going to get it now_.

"Listen here, asshole…" I started to say. I was cut off by James pulling me into the back.

"What the hell, James!" I yelled and pushed him away from me.

"I just saved your ass from a night in jail, buttercup. Least you could do is say thank you." James stared at me, daring me to argue with him.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed, staring up at the ceiling. Why did the stalker get under my skin?

"Listen, I think it might be better if we switched," James suggested. "That way you can do what you always do, kick ass all by your lonesome, and I can stare at his ass all night."

I had to chuckle at that. Leave it to James to insert his desire to ogle the man.

"Fine," I relented with a huff. "Just keep him away from me for the rest of the night. I can't promise I won't nut punch the jerk if he calls me a bitch again."

He rolled his eyes and left.

The rest of the night was much smoother. James kept Edward occupied with small tasks like running to get more bottles, handing him things, and running the register. The man was a godsend, and things would have probably ended in bloodshed if James hadn't been there.

When we finally locked up, Edward went and got the broom, not having to be told to sweep. I was slightly peeved, because he was showing himself to be a good employee. I was hoping I could run him off, but it was proving to be difficult. If he told Charlie what had happened, I was fucking toast.

I went to the back office with the cash register drawer to do the night's money count. As I was counting the bills, Edward walked in. His appearance was more disheveled than it had been in the cemetery earlier in the day, no doubt because of the way I had run him ragged most of the night.

"James said I was finished, so I'm just going to go," he said quietly.

"Okay." I set down the money in my hands. "Will we see you tomorrow, then?"

He blinked with shock. _Shit, I've rendered him mute_.

"Hello," I said, waving my hand. "Earth to Eddie."

"Sorry." he shook his head like he was trying to clear it. "I just figured you didn't want me to come back."

I sighed. I really was being a bitch, and he didn't deserve my wrath. The thought of how disappointed my father would be in me caused me to have a change of heart. If Edward was that willing to put up with my bullshit just so he'd have a job, then he had earned his place.

"Look, I'm sorry for tonight. We, uh, have a tradition here. You know, razz the new guy and shit," I explained, playing off my bitchiness. "Just ask James. He would probably tell you I was an asshole to him the first night."

"Oh, I get it," he said, staring at the ground and nodding his head. His tone was lighter than before. _Damn, now I feel bad. My bitchiness knows no bounds_.

"All right, then. See you tomorrow." he waved once and exited the office.

I sighed when he left, feeling like a total jerk. I'd almost run off an employee, and no matter how I felt about him, Charlie would grill my ass for it. I was going to have to figure out a way to get along with him. However, the names I called him in my head were staying. I needed some way to entertain myself.

James knocked on the wooden trim, entering.

"You do know he's not Embry, right?" he questioned with his hands on his hips.

"James." I did not want talk about the stalker. "I am not getting into this shit with you right now. I'm busy."

"Fine, fine," he said, raising his hands in surrender. "I just don't think it's fair that every new man you come across gets treated like shit because your ex is a bastard."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Only five people knew what had happened with my ex, Embry, and when James had become that fifth person, I never thought he would bring it up again.

"We are not discussing this. I realize—I was out of line, and I apologized. You have to know how hard that is for me, but I did it. Now, can we drop this?"

"Okay, I'll let it go." James narrowed his eyes. "He seems like a decent guy, though. I just don't want you to run him off because one asshole hurt you."

I nodded and went back to counting. I heard the door close, and I sat back in the office chair. _Fuck, having a conscience sucks_. I was well aware that he was probably a decent man. Hell, it was likely that he served in Afghanistan like my brother did, which earned him some of my goodwill. I was scared, though, to let any heterosexual male get too close. Even friendship caused me to break out in a sweat.

I pulled a medal out of my pocket and ran my fingers over it.

A few days after we buried Jake, we were invited to attend a small ceremony in Washington D.C., honoring soldiers from Afghanistan. Jake was one of the soldiers who were presented with the Afghanistan Campaign Metal posthumously. It was given for his excellent service during the time he was there. Mom, Dad, and I attended, and my father accepted the medal on Jake's behalf, wearing his own dress uniform. It was a proud moment for him and the rest of us. It felt good to know that, even though he was gone, someone still remembered him outside our little town.

My father thought it would be best if I kept the medal, reasoning that my brother would have wanted me to have it. I'd had it with me ever since and always kept it close. In a way, it made me feel like he was still with me. Yes, I still visited him in the cemetery every day, but keeping the medal close was just another way I held onto him.

"Damn it, Jake," I said out loud. "I really wish you were here. I know I screwed up tonight, but I can't help it. You don't know how many times I wished that you'd been here when the shit with Embry went down. I could have used my big brother back then, but you were off being a hero."

I wiped my eyes.

"I'm not upset about it, because I'm so proud of you. It's just, it was the one time I really needed you, and you weren't there. And it hurt…really bad. What am I going to do now? This new guy has me all confused, and I don't know what to do."

I looked at the medal in my hand like it had all the answers.

"Is he a good guy, Jake? Can I trust him to be a friend? Or should I push him away?"

I was met with silence.

I decided in that moment to be more like Jake. He was never afraid to make friends and always went out of his way to make sure people smiled. It was something I admired about him. I wasn't going to let Embry rule my actions. I was safe because of all the people around me. Unlike the last time I had let my guard down, I wasn't alone. I had Charlie and Emmett as my protectors.

I kissed the medal and put it back in my pocket.

I vowed to make Jake proud.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So…what do you think of Bella? And James?

You can find us on Twitter—**d_inspiration** & **shelikethesound**. Our characters also have accounts. We decided to let each of them have one after lots of whining and complaining. Okay, well, it was the diva that did most of it…but whatever. They're listed under **RustyCullen**, **Indian_Prncess**, and **The_Fab_Diva**. (See what I mean? There is just no stopping the diva.)

We'll see you soon!

Movies referenced in the chapter: _Silence of the Lambs_ and _The Wizard of Oz_.


	3. Diva

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N**: It's thanking time! Thanks to our wonderful Dust team who we love very much – **Dinx**, **sherryola**, **nowforruin**, **jointgifts**, and **Mizzdee**. They are the wind beneath our wings. Thank you also to all the beautiful readers out there who reads, alerts, reviews, and tweet us lovely things. We'd like to give you all a hug, so please line up!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Diva<strong>

EPOV

The diner was everything I expected of a small town diner. Black and white checkered floor, red leather seats on the stools and chairs, apple pie on the counter. Then there were the unexpected things, like the fact that it was in an old train station, and that there was military memorabilia on the walls. A photo of Jake in his fatigues, smiling widely, behind the counter knocked the breath out of me and made me forget everything else for a moment. I hadn't seen a picture of him since he'd died, and he looked so alive and so vibrant in the photo. How the hell could someone like him just be gone?

"You look a little lost, son. What can I get you?"

I turned my head and looked at the owner of the voice – a dark-haired man with a little gray above the ears. He wore an apron, and the way he was looking at me made me wonder how long I had been staring at the photo of Jake.

I cleared my throat and went over to the counter where there was an empty stool. He stepped behind the counter and raised his eyebrows while still looking at me.

"Um, can I have a burger with coleslaw and fries, please? And a Coke," I requested, forcing myself not to look back at the photo. It was like a magnet for my gaze.

"Sure, coming right up," the man replied. A moment later, he put a glass of Coke in front of me. I sipped it slowly until my meal arrived. I liked this place already – they didn't hold back on the coleslaw. Maybe that was Jake's doing, as he was the only one I had ever met who had liked coleslaw more than I did. As carefree as he had been, there were some things that he had been passionate about. Like his hometown, his family, his friends, and his great love above them all – food. In his eyes, nothing was ever so bad that it couldn't be cured with ice cream, pizza, or an extra helping of coleslaw. I looked down at the coleslaw on my plate. I wasn't sure it would help me heal.

I ate my food slowly. I wasn't really hungry, but I wanted a chance to soak up the atmosphere of this place that Jake had loved so much. I could even imagine myself visiting him here after our tour had ended. I looked around and wondered how many of the people in the diner had known Jake. Were there any friends of his? An ex-girlfriend whose heart he had broken by going off to war? An aunt? Maybe Jake had sat on this particular stool every day after school, eating apple pie and doing his homework. Maybe he had been doing dishes out back or swept the floor while flirting with the girls.

"Can I interest you in a piece of apple pie and a cup of coffee?

I looked up at the man from before. His skin was as pale as mine, but he reminded me of Jake. Maybe his dad or an uncle? I knew this was a family business, but didn't know if it extended past Jake's parents and saint of a sister. Jake had probably told me, but I couldn't remember.

"Sure, that would be great. It's been a long time since I had a decent piece of apple pie," I replied. The image of high school student Jake eating apple pie on this particular stool was stuck in my mind, even if I had no idea if there was any truth in it.

"It's my wife's recipe, and you won't get a better apple pie in the whole state if you ask me," he said and carved me a piece. It looked delicious.

"I'm sure you're right," I said with a smile. "Is this place yours?"

"It is." He nodded as he poured my coffee. "My wife and I have had this place, as well as the bar downstairs, for almost thirty years now."

"Wow, that's a long time," I said to the man I now knew was Jake's father. I took a bite of apple pie and nearly cried. Most people used their mother's cooking as comparison for what was great food and what was not, but I decided to use Jake's mother's cooking instead. This apple pie was a goddamn slice of heaven, and it must have showed on my face, because Jake's dad chuckled.

"Told you, kid," he said.

I nodded and shoveled more pie into my mouth while I considered how to tell Mr. Swan who I was. I hadn't come in here to confront Jake's family, although thinking about it, I guessed I should have at least considered it out of respect for my friend. But even if it hadn't been my intention, I knew there was no way I could leave without introducing myself to Jake's dad and attempting to answer the questions he probably had. When the Army paid a visit to inform you that your son or husband had died, they never gave out many details. I had received enough letters from the families of men I had lost in combat to know that much.

"You're definitely right about the pie," I confirmed as I drank the last of my coffee.

I then paid my bill and looked around the crowded diner. "Um, I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time, sir. Perhaps somewhere a little more quiet, if that's possible?" I asked, not just for Mr. Swan's sake, but also my own. I hadn't actually talked about Jake or what had happened in Afghanistan before, and the last thing I needed was a large audience of people who might have known him.

Mr. Swan looked surprised but nodded. "Sure. We can go downstairs. The bar isn't open yet."

"Thank you," I replied.

I followed him downstairs via a stairwell out back. The bar – unlike the diner above – was nothing like I had expected. There was a polished dark wood counter, leather and velvet seats, marble tabletops, rugs on the floor, and a more elegant feel than one would expect of a small-town bar. He motioned to one of the tables in the back, and we sat down. I had no idea how to start or what to say, I just knew that I had to.

"My name is Edward Cullen," I started nervously. It was one thing to compose a letter to grieving parents, but an entirely different matter to sit across from them when they had no idea who you were. I almost preferred meeting the enemy in open combat. "I, um, I was Jake's squad sergeant. We went through basic training together, and I…I was with him when…um, in Afghanistan…"

Mr. Swan leaned back in his seat and nodded slowly. "I think he mentioned you in his letters, but he usually called you Rusty. Is that right?"

I nodded.

He took a deep breath. "Jake…he…my wife didn't want him to join the Army, but despite how much it worried me when he went over there, I was just so damn proud of him. Still am, but I would have been even if he had done nothing but flip burgers upstairs or serve beers down here. Sometimes I'm afraid that it was me telling about my time in Vietnam that made him sign up."

I didn't know what to say, because the truth was that as far as I knew, Jake's decision to serve in the Army was at least partly inspired by his dad. However, that was not what Mr. Swan needed to hear right then.

Sighing, he ran a hand over his face and looked at me. "You said that you were with him when…? Did he…I mean, was it quick?"

"Yes. We were on patrol. The whole squad," I replied softly. "There were snipers, and they hit our driver and…Jake. I was right next to him, but just a few seconds later we hit a roadside bomb, and I was knocked out. I don't know what happened after that, except that we were supposedly rescued pretty quickly. I think I even heard the helicopter before the bomb. But Jake…he…he was gone before the bomb went off. I am truly sorry for your loss, Mr. Swan. I should have said that sooner. Jake was the best friend I had."

"Thank you, son," Mr. Swan said hoarsely. "No parent should have to bury their child, but I'm thankful that he didn't suffer, and also that he was with a friend. What happened to the rest of your squad, if you don't mind me asking?"

I cleared my throat. "Apart from Jake, three others were killed. Nine were injured, two of them critically. Jackson lost both his legs, but our commanding officer assured me that he should be fine."

"He was one of the critically injured?" Mr. Swan asked.

I nodded.

"And the other one? How is he doing?"

"I narrowly avoided having my leg amputated after blowing out my knee completely. I also hurt my back and was in a coma for a while," I replied, shrugging at his raised eyebrows. "They couldn't make any guarantees that my knee would ever be fit for active duty, so I got out."

"I'm glad you made it out of there alive," Mr. Swan said, smiling a little. "And I'm glad that you're here now. You've eased my mind about how we lost our boy."

I nodded and felt that I had to be completely honest. "I've visited the graves of the other three who died, but I've been saving Jake for last. When I was at the cemetery today, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't say goodbye."

Mr. Swan smiled sadly. "Jake had no problems making friends, that was just who he was. But as open and friendly as he was, there were few that made it through that last guarded gate of his. Those who didn't never knew it, but those he held closest to his heart…I just can't help but think that they were some of the luckiest people in the world. You're in that category, Edward – I know as much from my boy's letters. So you also know that, even though he's not here anymore, he'll never be gone from our hearts. His own heart was too big, and his smile was too bright. So you don't have to say goodbye. Not completely."

I swallowed. "Thank you for saying that, Mr. Swan."

He nodded. "Now I'm gonna get us a couple of beers and take care of the first customers who just walked in. Then you can start calling me Charlie while you tell me some more about what my boy was up to over there. I'm sure he never told me half the mischief he made in his letters."

That part was easier. Talking about Jake's pranks and jokes over a beer – that was how he would have wanted to be remembered. And the more Charlie Swan revealed of his personality, the more he reminded me of Jake.

"So what are your plans now? Heading back to your family?" Charlie asked after he was done wiping his eyes and laughing at a story about Jake pulling a prank on the whole squad in one go. He had been talented like that. Charlie had kept an eye on the bar and gone up there a few times to tend to customers. There wasn't much of a crowd, just a few people sitting quietly in their booths. I hoped for the Swans' sake that business picked up later on, but it was nice to talk almost uninterrupted.

"Um, I don't know actually. Whatever I do won't include my family, though. They didn't agree with my decision to join the Army, and I haven't talked to them since," I replied. I had avoided thinking too much about my future, hoping that it would come to me in an epiphany. So far I hadn't been lucky.

"I could use another bartender if you'd like to stick around Forks for a while," Charlie offered immediately. "You wouldn't think it, but it gets busy in here, and apart from myself, there's only my daughter, Bella, and a young yahoo called James. He's a bit high-strung, that one, but pours a decent whiskey. What do you say?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I don't have any experience behind a bar," I said.

Charlie chuckled. "It's not rocket science, son. Bella will train you, and you'll be up to speed in no time. So is that a yes?"

I smiled. It wasn't like I had anything better to do, and I genuinely liked Charlie. Working with Jake's saint of a sister didn't sound bad either, if her letters and cookies were anything to go on. "That's a yes. Thank you."

"Excellent! When can you start?" Charlie asked.

"Um…now if you need me to," I replied. "I don't have anywhere I need to be."

"You'd be giving an old man the night off," he said to me, winking.

I chuckled. "All right, put me to work."

We stood up, and he reached over to shake my hand. "Thank you, Edward. I'm glad you're staying around. I hope we can sit down and talk about Jake again sometime. You knew a different side of him that I never got to see."

I nodded. "Definitely."

Charlie clapped me on the back, and I tried to hide how much it affected me. No touch had ever felt so fatherly, and Charlie wasn't my dad – in fact, I hadn't even met the man until a few hours before. It had been a long time since I had seen my own dad, and I didn't particularly miss him. I just missed what he could have been in my life.

I shook my head slightly to rid it of thoughts of people who didn't really matter and followed Charlie up to the bar. He motioned for me to sit down on a stool, and he sat down next to me. Behind the bar was a petite brunette, busy polishing glasses. Charlie cleared his throat to get her attention. When she looked up, I immediately recognized her.

The pretty firecracker from the cemetery.

_Well, fuck me_. She wasn't Jake's girlfriend – she was his sister. His _saint_ of a sister, who wrote awesome letters, sent cookies to everyone and porn to Jake, who had made her believe that it wasn't for himself. Now the pretty firecracker was supposed to train me in the fine art of bartending, and she didn't look like she wanted to even look at me.

"Hi, I'm Bella," she said, reaching over the bar to shake my hand.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I introduced myself and shook her hand. Static electricity made the handshake very short, though.

"So, Edward here needs a job, and I think he'd be a great bartender," Charlie said with a smile, looking briefly at his daughter before returning his attention to me. "Now, Edward, my daughter will be training you. She knows everything there is when it comes to Downstairs, so pay attention to her."

"Yes, sir," I replied, wondering if he was right. Maybe I did need a job to create some stability in my life while I figured out where to go from there.

"All right. Stop by my office tomorrow, and we'll go over the paperwork and set up a schedule for you. It's upstairs behind the kitchen. Just ask whoever is working the counter where to go," Charlie said. "And whatever you do, don't let Bella boss you around too much tonight. Listen to what she says, but don't let her go overboard. I love my girl to bits, but she likes things done in her own way – and she sometimes forgets that it's not the only way."

After that little _pep talk_, he left me to go upstairs to check on things. _Great_.

It didn't take me long to start questioning my decision to take the job. In just a day, Bella had gone from saintly sister, to pretty firecracker, to intimidating boss lady. I was a complete nightmare and there was no hiding it. I broke bottles and glasses, messed up orders, and generally looked like an ass. Charlie had said that it wasn't rocket science, but to me it felt pretty fucking close. Just when I was at my breaking point, Bella left me alone, and James made me his errand boy. I was grateful, but only for a short while.

"So, cuddle muffin. Are you really a soldier like Papa Swan said?" James asked me when there was a quiet moment between customers.

"I used to be," I replied and took a drink from my water bottle. I was kind of missing patrols right about then.

"Really? Do you still have your uniform?" he asked and leaned back against the counter next to me. "Wait, what kind of soldier? Thanks to Tom Cruise, I kind of prefer Navy Dress Whites. Yummy! Although fatigues are kind of hot, too. I'd give my left nut for a soldier to call my own. Okay, maybe not my _actual_ left nut, but you know what I mean. Got any buddies who are taking the whole _don't ask, don't tell_ thing to the extreme?"

"Um…yes, no, Army, and not that I know off," I replied. "There are customers waiting."

James frowned. "Don't think we won't be returning to this conversation, lamb chop."

I entertained myself with thoughts of lamb chopping James' ass with a butcher knife until we closed. It did my temper a world of good. I knew my place on the totem pole, so I got the broom and began to sweep the floor the moment the door had closed behind the last customer – a drunk ass singing Beatles songs with partly homemade lyrics. I was beyond exhausted, as it had been a long and emotional day, and I still had a long drive back to Port Angeles and the crappy motel room with my name on it. If I still had a job after messing up so much, I would have to look into finding a place to stay in Forks.

After I had finished sweeping the floor, I looked around for anything else I could do to suck up by getting done. There was nothing. James was lounging on top of the bar, sucking on a lollipop while he watched me. _Creep._

"As much as I'd like to watch your ass the rest of the night, you can go home, sweetums. There's nothing else left to do. I'm just waiting for the Indian princess to finish up," he said and crunched the lollipop between his teeth. "By the way, she's got her reasons for being a bitchy bitch. Don't take it personally."

I just nodded. Figuring I should tell the firecracker that I was going, I went around back to the office. I took a deep breath before entering the lioness' den. For all I knew, she was going to eat me raw.

"James said I was finished, so I'm just going to go," I said, interrupting her while she was counting bills, but not really caring. I was exhausted and just done.

"Okay," she said, looking up. "Will we see you tomorrow, then?"

I blinked. I thought for sure that I had fucked it up.

"Hello," she said, waving her hand. "Earth to Eddie."

"Sorry," I apologized, recovering from my shock. "I just figured you didn't want me to come back."

She sighed and put down the bills she had been counting. "Look, I'm sorry for tonight. We, uh, have a tradition here. You know, razz the new guy and shit," she said. "Just ask James. He would probably tell you I was an asshole to him the first night."

Wincing slightly at her choice of words, I nodded. "Oh, I get it." I wasn't sure I believed her, because she had had the same attitude at the cemetery, and I was pretty sure that there were no traditions involved in visiting that for the first time. But I was familiar with razzing – what she had put me through tonight had been nothing compared to what I had experienced in the Army. Trying to say goodbye to Jake and then talking about him for the first time had just taken a lot out of me, and I was pretty fucking done with the day. "All right, then. See you tomorrow."

I nearly fell asleep a few times on the way to Port Angeles, but I managed not to wrap my car and myself around a tree. I collapsed into bed without changing out of my clothes, and the last conscious thought I had was that, apart from their skin color, Jake and Bella looked a lot alike.

When I woke up the following morning, my back ached as usual. I felt like an old man with the way it had protested over the lack of decent beds since I'd left the hospital. I took a long shower that made the pain back off a little – at least until the hot water ran out. As always, I needed to do laundry, but I managed to find some clean clothes. After I had dressed, I packed up my stuff and checked out. _Time for motel number one million and thirty-five._

I stopped for breakfast and some much needed coffee before heading back to Forks. I was glad that I wouldn't be making this trip on a daily basis. I was sick of driving around by then, and I was also sick of motels, but for the time being it would have to do. Finding a small apartment or something in Forks probably wouldn't be easy.

The motel in Forks was – not surprisingly – easy to find. There was no one in reception when I arrived, so I went back out on the street to wait. It was another beautiful day, and I spotted a coffee shop across the street next to the grocery store. Loading up coffee in my system for another work night with the pretty firecracker and the flaming diva probably wasn't the worst thing I could do.

When I had bought my coffee, I sat down at a small table outside where I could keep an eye on the motel and see whenever someone arrived. I had just taken my first sip when a big dude sat down across from me.

"Aro will be back in a bit. He's always in and out, but he's never gone long," the guy said. Then he chuckled. "Sorry, I saw you over at the motel before. My office is next door."

I nodded. Was this part of what Jake had loved so much about small town life? The whole sticking your nose in what wasn't any of your business? I wasn't sure I liked it, but maybe it was an acquired taste.

"So are you in town for the apple festival?" the guy asked, not getting the hint that I wasn't interested in making small talk with strangers right then.

"The apple festival?" I couldn't help but ask.

He laughed. "Yeah, I didn't think so. It's real, though. It's primarily old folks who make jams and pies and stuff."

I stared at him. Was this guy for real?

"Sorry, I should just ask you if you knew Jake," he said, seriously, making my eyes widen even further.

I nodded slowly. "I did. How did you know?"

He smiled sadly. "I saw you in a photo he sent me from Afghanistan. At least I was pretty sure it was you. Your hair has grown a lot. Anyway, when we were kids, we always talked about joining the Army together, but I have severe asthma when exposed to certain things, so they rejected me. I kind of lived vicariously through Jake and asked him to send photos and tell me all about what he was up to over there."

"You're Emmett," I said. Jake had talked a lot about his best friend back in Forks, especially back in basic training when he had been disappointed that Emmett had been rejected. I even remembered the photo that Jake had Crowley take of us.

"That's me," he confirmed. "I'm sorry. I only remember that Jake called you Rusty, and that he thought you were some kind of super soldier."

I snorted. "That's the last thing I was. I'm Edward. Jake talked a lot about you. He was really bummed that they had rejected you when I first met him in basic training. Or as bummed as Jake ever got."

Emmett smiled. "Yeah, keeping the smile off his face for longer periods of time was a challenge. So, are you out now or what?"

I nodded. "I got hurt in the same attack that killed Jake, and the doctors couldn't give me any guarantees that I would ever get back on active duty, so I didn't renew my contract. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing at the time, but each day that passes by and I'm still bothered by my injuries, makes me more and more convinced."

"Yeah, I don't blame you, man. Are you up here visiting the Swans?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"It wasn't my intent, to be honest. I was just coming to visit Jake's grave, but I met Charlie, and he offered me a job as a bartender. I started last night and fucked up royally, but Bella said that I should come back, so…" I said, shrugging.

Emmett laughed. "You've met our fair Bella, then. I'm glad she didn't scare you right out of town. She's made grown men cry with the attitude she's adopted lately. I can't say that I blame her, because the girl went through a lot of crap, but she's gotta ease off a little. And you must have met James, too. I bet he liked you."

I grimaced, refusing to think about what made the pretty firecracker so fiery. Who knew what she would do if I stuck my nose where it didn't belong? I had a feeling that it wouldn't be my nose she would be after – and probably with a big knife, too. "He's a piece of work, that one," I said instead.

"That's one way to describe him," Emmett said, guffawing. "Dude tried to grab my ass once, and he almost lost his arm. I was too busy laughing to do anything – it was my fiancée who got in his face about it. Usually she's a shy one, but she protects what's hers."

"Oh fuck. He's a grabber, too? I'd hoped he was all words," I said, groaning. "Well, working with him is going to be fun. I just hope he's prepared to lose an arm for real if he grabs _anything_ of mine."

Emmet just continued laughing. "I think it's time for me to spend a night at the bar. There are things I'd hate to miss out on."

"Thanks, man," I said sarcastically.

"I think you're all right," Emmett said when he was done laughing. "I always said that Jake had excellent taste in friends, but mainly I was referring to myself. But seriously, I know that you were both his friend and his hero, and I hope we'll get a chance to swap stories while you're here. I knew the little, sunshiny brat who grew up to be a big, sunshiny brat, but you know the sunshiny soldier brat."

I nodded. Sunshiny brat was a good description of Jake. "I'd like that. If I don't get fired for being the worst bartender ever, I'll be sticking around for a while."

"Cool, man. I'll come by the bar soon. Sounds like it might be a real riot," he said and stood up. "I need to get back to work, and there's Aro."

I stood up, too, and threw away my empty cup before saying goodbye to Emmett and crossing the street to go check into the motel. When I had unloaded my car, I checked my watch. There was enough time to go and get some essentials from the grocery store before heading over to the diner. I could get some lunch after seeing Charlie.

Ten minutes later, deeply engrossed in the process of choosing the right toothpaste, I, along with the rest of the store, turned to look when a loud voice rang out.

"Sugar lips!"

Recognizing the voice and seeing that the diva was coming in my direction, I quickly grabbed the nearest two-pack of toothpaste and made my way down the aisle.

"Eddie, babe! Don't walk away from me!" James called after me, making me cringe. The guy was like goddamn Velcro.

I stopped, hoping it might make him quit yelling the pet names. Before long, the entire town would think I was his long-lost lover or some shit. I had nothing against gay people, but I hated clingy individuals no matter their sexual persuasion.

"What?" I asked him when he had caught up with me.

"'What' he says…honestly, sweet cheeks. Didn't your mom ever teach you any manners?" he asked.

"Did you want something?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes, dear," he said and laced his arm through mine.

I glared at him, and he removed it again with a chuckle. "So, what are we buying today?"

"_We're_ not buying anything," I told him and picked up some shaving cream. James immediately took it from my basket and sniffed it. I took it out of his hands and put it back in the basket. Maybe this was what it was like shopping with kids.

"I think we should get chocolate," he declared.

"Fine, you go get chocolate and leave me alone," I said, heading off in the opposite direction of the candy aisle.

"No, no, doll face, I said _we_ should get chocolate. You want to stay on Bella's good side, yes? Well, chocolate is the way to go. Trust me," he said, grabbing my sleeve and trying to pull me toward the sacred chocolate. I didn't budge an inch, though.

I looked at him with raised eyebrows. "How do I know you're being serious? I wouldn't put it past you to get me to buy her chocolate if she hates it or is allergic or something."

"Aw, you know me already, Eddie-poo," he said and tried to pinch my cheek.

I swatted his hand away. "Do that again and lose the hand."

He laughed. "So dramatic. I love it. But about the chocolate for Bella – you'll just have to trust that I won't lead you astray on this one. Diamonds may be most girls' best friend, but chocolate and Bella are like this." He held two crossed fingers up in front of my face.

That was what I was worried about. I didn't trust the diva one bit, but getting on Bella's good side would be a smart move if I wanted to keep the job that Charlie had trusted me with. It somehow felt important.

I sighed. "Let's go get some chocolate."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Who's in the mood for chocolate? Rusty's buying. Thank you so much for reading. We hope you enjoyed the chapter. :) As always, we frolic about on Twitter under the names of **shelikethesound** and **d_inspiration**.


	4. Absolutely Screwed

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thanks so much to our Dust team—who make us look good—Sherryola, jointgifts, Mizzdee, nowforruin, and Dinx. We love these girls to bits. We also want to say a huge thank you to all the readers who have read, tweeted, alerted, reviewed, and recommended our little story. We're working on a way to send each of you some chocolate covered cherries. All courtesy of Rusty, of course.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

**Absolutely Screwed**

_I blinked, trying to adjust my eyes to the blackness. In every direction I turned, there was nothing. I wanted to run, scream, and leave that awful place, but I wasn't sure which way to go. The absence of light made it impossible to see where I was. _

_The sensation of someone standing behind me crept up my spine. Two strong arms grabbed me from behind, holding me in a vice grip against a hot, muscular chest. I could feel his scalding breath against my neck and knew there was no use in fighting—it would only lead to pain. _

"_Thought you could get away from me, didn't you?" he asked, the smug tone in his voice making me shake. He'd come for me, just like he had promised. Tears ran down my cheeks, because I knew I wasn't making it out of the situation alive. _

A loud noise ripped me from sleep, causing me to sit up quickly. For a moment, I thought I was back in that horrible place. A quick look around told me I was in my childhood bedroom, and I was out of harm's way.

_Son of a fucking whore_.

Those dreams were going to be the death of me—I was sure of it. Ever since I'd moved back to Forks, they'd haunted me. It was always the same, and I always came out of them disoriented. I rubbed my face, willing the images to dissipate. Hopping out of bed, I tried to begin my day. I wasn't going to let the asshole get to me, because I was safe.

Thirty minutes later, I walked into my parents' kitchen. My mother had already set up the table, and there was enough food to feed everyone and then some. Eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, sausage…you name it…it was probably on the table. I had never quite understood Mom's obsession with cooking tons of food when she was home. It seemed kind of silly, because she cooked for a living at the diner. She and my cousin, Leah, ran the kitchen, and she knew that if we were hungry, we'd just eat there. I shook my head and let it go. My mom was weird…end of story.

I sat opposite my father, picked up a plate, and began piling food on it. A grunt caused me to look up, and I set my plate down. Dad was looking at me expectantly, raising his eyebrow. Fuck, he knew. Who told him I almost ran off pretty boy the previous night?

"So, how did things go last night with Edward?" he asked, raising his eyebrow. I tried to decipher his mood, but it was impossible. My father had the uncanny ability to mask what he was really feeling. That little trick had aided in Jake and I spilling our guts to him many times when we were kids. I had to tread carefully just in case he didn't know anything, trying to get me to confess.

"Um, it was fine. Edward broke a few glasses and dropped a few bottles a couple of times, but he's a fast learner. He's a hard worker, too. James said he pretty much found things to do without being told after we closed."

I was really hoping my dad would latch onto that little fact, because he was big on hard work. He'd gutted the diner and bar himself, with help from family and friends, and built up his customer base one person at a time. He was proud of all he'd accomplished and had a lot of respect for others who took pride in their work.

"Eh, he'll get the hang of it. I'm sure," he said with a smile.

I shook my head in amusement, finding it funny that he'd taken such a liking to the stranger. I reasoned it was probably Edward's military service that had warmed Dad's heart. My father was proud of his time in the Army, and it was probably why he had supported Jake's enlistment. Mom, well, she had freaked out, because she didn't want her baby boy fighting a war in a foreign land. Dad had stood by his son's decision, and eventually, my mother had come around. She saw the pride on her husband's face, and the joy Jake seemed to have for pleasing his father, making it hard for her to continue to be upset. Mom had become one of his biggest supporters by the time he'd finished basic training and headed to Iraq for the first time.

It had been her idea to make treats for the soldiers and send a box to each one in his squad. I loved the idea and was enthusiastic about it, because it was one way I could show him how proud _I _was. So I had baked my little heart out, creating all kinds of cookies for his men. Sometimes, he would request certain cookies for certain soldiers, claiming they were their favorite. I had filled his requests without complaint, because Jake was my hero and any person he was willing to ask on behalf of got special treatment.

Rose had sometimes helped with the baking, saying she wanted to brighten a soldier's day, too. She had known how hard it had been on Emmett when he had gotten rejected, but was proud of Jake at the same time when he was accepted. My brother had shrugged it off and told him that he'd have enough fun for the both of them. Jake's attitude had been the reason she helped me, honoring him in the only way she could.

The letters, though, were the things I treasured the most. His words on paper about his life in a faraway land, fighting an enemy that hated his guts, helped me feel like I was there with him. I tried to be as descriptive as possible when I talked about the boring things going on in our stupid little town. I even sent him Playboys and Hustlers when he asked me to send them for a _friend_. When I read that letter, I think I almost peed myself in laughter. I had been around enough males in my life to know they were for him and not the pretend friend he claimed.

I had sent them without question and pretended they weren't for Jake. It had been the least I could do, because it was the only thing he'd asked for that wasn't for anyone else. I had even pushed down my discomfort when the salesman eyed me with lust when I'd bought them. _A small price to pay for something that will make my brother happy_, I had thought. _Ew, though_.

"Bella!" Charlie hollered, snapping his fingers in my face.

"Wh…what?" I stuttered, embarrassed I'd been caught not paying attention. I waited for his usual comments about me being a space cadet.

"I asked if you were planning on moving to your apartment above the diner," he said in a huff.

"Uh, yeah. I thought I'd go this week. You and Mom don't need me anymore," I answered, blinking while trying to clear the fog in my head.

"We didn't need you to stay at all, but it was nice to have you here all the same," he confessed with a smile.

"Well, I know we needed to help each other heal. Honestly, though, I kind of needed the closeness as well."

We avoided talking about the reason I'd moved back to Forks a year earlier.

"I wanted to know, because I was thinking about offering the third apartment to Edward. Lord knows where he's been sleeping." he stared down at his plate, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" I countered, my voice raising with each word. "I mean, we really know nothing about him. He could be an axe murderer or something."

"Now, Bells, knock it off. You'd be surprised. If you actually got to know him, you might find out just what an honorable man he is," my dad chastised in his father voice.

Well, fuck. Charlie had pretty much decided already, convinced Edward wasn't dangerous. Any attempt on my part to argue my case was going to make me look like a whiney bitch. I figured it would be a good idea to shut up and suck it up. Besides, since James lived there, too, maybe I could send him over to Edward's door wearing only a pink, frilly apron to ask for a cup of sugar for my own amusement.

"Fine, whatever. It's just...you know that was supposed to be Jake's place when he got out," I whispered.

His eyes softened, and he looked at me with understanding.

"I know," he said, nodding his head. "However, I really don't think your brother would mind if Edward lived there. I have a good feeling about that."

His cryptic words gave me pause, thinking there was more that he wasn't sharing. Dad's whole attitude about Edward those days didn't make much sense. I didn't have time to worry about his comment, or my thoughts about the situation, though. I had to be at the dress shop in an hour to help Rose pick out a wedding dress. We'd been all over Port Angeles, and there was one shop left we hadn't tackled. It wasn't that she was a bridezilla that couldn't find the perfect dress, but rather, she couldn't find one that didn't make her feel like her whole body was on display.

I shook my head at Charlie and began shoveling food into my mouth. It would be bad if I was late, because Rose would think I wasn't coming. Seeing the conversation was over for the moment, Charlie picked up his fork and started to eat.

~.~.~.~

"Rose, come on. You have a nice ass," I whined, stomping my foot and throwing my arms up.

We were standing in the middle of the dress shop, and she was wearing an amazing gown. The problem with that particular dress was it made her butt look big. I was beginning to lose my patience, because I had sacrificed my morning to help her out, and she was making things difficult.

"I don't think I can wear it because it's so tight," she said, looking down at the dress.

I took another look at the dress she was wearing. The bodice was tight and strapless, clinging to her all the way down to her thighs. The skirt flared out a bit and pooled at her feet. I figured the tightness of the gown was the least of her worries, focusing on the length instead. Knowing her penchant for falling, I decided to look through the rack again.

I stood up from my chair and walked over to the line of dresses, searching for a dress worthy of my best friend. When I was ready to give up and admit defeat, the most perfect dress was staring back at me. I pulled it out and turned to Rose, placing it against my body for her to inspect. Her eyes lit up, and she went to the back room to try it on.

She was a vision in white when she finally emerged from the dressing room. It was sleeveless with lace covering the entire dress, hitting mid calf. Rose had a blinding smile on her face, and I knew it was the one. Triumphant, she turned to the sales lady and told her that was the dress.

As the woman began measuring and marking it for alterations, I decided to bring up my confusing feelings regarding the stranger my father had hired and was beginning to take under his wing.

"So, Dad offered the stalker a job at the bar," I said nonchalantly and gave her a sideways look.

"No, he didn't," she said with a gasp. "What is he thinking?"

"Well, seems like Mr. Bartender Extraordinaire may have been a soldier," I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Oh, well, that explains it," she tilted her head to the side in contemplation. "Charlie can't turn down a fellow man in arms, now can he?"

"Apparently not," I mused under my breath.

"So, what's it like to work with him?" Rose asked.

I chuckled, remembering Edward's attempts at being a bartender. "Um, it was interesting. I think he broke more glasses than he served. I was pretty amused, that is, until he called me a bitch."

"That bastard! I'll rip his damn head off!" she exclaimed and started to storm off, wincing slightly. I jumped up and stilled her, reassuring her that everything was fine. Shy, timid Rose had been replaced by Don't-Fuck-with-Me Rose. God, when she got like that, it was a sight to see. I just wished she would be more confident in herself and realize that she was a stronger person than she thought.

"Okay, okay," she said, blowing out a breath.

"Really, it was no big deal. I just put him with James after that," I explained with a devious smile.

She let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back in amusement. "Oh, I bet he loved that."

"It was very entertaining—let me tell you. I think soldier boy turned a little green when James eyed his backside. Serves him right, though. No one calls me a bitch," I said in a dark tone.

"Bella, it's okay. Everything is fine," she said in a calm tone. Having abandoned the sales woman, she stood next to me and rubbed my arm. The word "bitch" was one I had a hard time with because it brought back a lot of painful memories. It was a favorite pet name of my ex, and hearing someone I didn't know or trust call me one would always send me over the edge.

"I know. I know…when is this ever going to get any easier?" I asked in a small voice.

"I don't know, sweetie. Just know that Emmett and I are here for you. We love you."

"Thanks," I said with a small smile.

When Rose was sure I had calmed down, she returned to the seamstress, who began placing pins in her dress again. I decided maybe it wasn't a good idea to continue to revisit my feelings with Rosalie at the moment. I decided I'd bring it up another time.

~.~.~.~

"Can I get a beer on tap?" Mr. Mallory asked.

The bar had already been busy when I arrived at my scheduled time. My dad was running around waiting on customers, and I jumped in to help him. There was no time to set up my area, so I was in a pretty bad mood for the rest of the night.

James and stalker boy showed up a half hour later and went straight to work. I had to hold in my laughs when Edward practically ran to my father's side and didn't leave for the rest of the night. That meant James served customers at my end of the bar, and I was fine with it. James and I had a system that worked for us when we were together. The two of us glided effortlessly around each other, moving back so the other could go forward and always had what the other needed at a moment's notice. A couple of times, I noticed Edward watching us intently—like he couldn't believe that I'd be so calm working with James. I wanted to tell him it wasn't my ass he was after but refrained from making the comment. Dad would have had my head for saying it.

Every able body was needed for Saturday night—practically everyone in town came to Downstairs to have a few drinks. For that reason alone, it was probably why my father had hired Edward. Another person to help man the bar would make things easier for everyone.

I slid Mr. Mallory's drink across the bar to him. He thanked me, and I nodded my head at him, moving on to the next customer.

"Hey, sweet face, shake that ass and get me a drink," a voice boomed across the bar.

A wide smile spread across my face. "Fuck you. I'm not your slave," I said in a mock chastising tone.

"Well, guess I'll just have to pour my own then, huh?" Emmett asked, eyeing me playfully.

"Sit down and shut the fuck up," I said with a laugh.

Emmett plopped down on a bar stool close to me, and Rosalie sat next to him. He had a mischievous grin on his face, leaning over the bar.

"So, two vampires walk into a pub…" he said, placing his hands on the bar top.

I bent toward him, so I could hear him better.

"Okay," I said, giving him my full attention.

"They call for the bartender. 'I'll have a glass of fresh blood,' one says. 'I'll have a glass of plasma,' says the second. 'Okay,' the bartender replies. 'That'll be ... one blood and one blood lite.' Get it…blood light?" he says, laughing.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Emmett, I think that's the worst bar joke so far. Did you get it off the internet or something?" I asked.

"No," he lied as his cheeks turned pink with embarrassment.

I set a bottle of beer in front of him and began working on a margarita for Rose. They came in enough for me to know what they liked.

"Rose said it was cute," he said with a pout.

"Well, Rose is obligated to say things like that to you. She _is_ marrying your pathetic ass, after all," I pointed out as I set Rose's drink in front of her.

"Ha ha," he said, turning his head.

"Ed, my man!" he shouted when he caught sight of the new bartender. Mr. Uncoordinated dropped a bottle of Jack when big bear yelled at him, causing me to laugh.

"Hey, Flanagan!" I called out, cupping my hand around my mouth. "I think you have the bottle drop mastered, so maybe it's time to learn how to toss them."

A blank stare crossed his face, and I knew he had no idea what I was talking about.

"Please tell me he knows the hotness that is Tom Cruise in Cocktail," James demanded from behind me. "Oh, shit. He really has no clue. Oh, baby cakes, it looks like a Tom Cruise marathon is in both our futures."

All of the color drained from Mr. Terrified-of-the-Diva's face, and he turned back to the customers.

"Nice, James," I said, holding up my hand for a high-five. He complied and went back to work. God, working with James and Edward was such a blast.

"So, that's him then?" she whispered in my direction.

I nodded my head.

"Hey, Edward, come over here and meet my girl," Emmett demanded, waving him over.

It wasn't surprising that Emmett seemed to know Edward and had already given him a nickname. Emmett had a tendency to want to be everyone's friend. I was sure he'd seen Edward somewhere in town and decided they were going to be buddies. _Wonderful_.

As he was walking over to Emmett, Rosalie started fidgeting nervously and ended up sliding off the bar stool. She landed on her ass with a thud and muttered out a quiet _fuck_. Red faced, she got up off the floor but didn't quite have her balance, tripping and falling onto the stool. Her ass was up in the air, and her head was hanging down. Emmett guffawed and helped her right herself. Rose was scarlet by the time she was back on the stool.

Edward held his hand out to her, and she looked at him skeptically. He lowered it with a sad expression on his face, causing Emmett to furrow his brow at Rose. She ignored him and sipped her drink.

"Ah, well, she's not good with strangers. My Rosie will warm up soon enough. Won't ya, babe?" he asked, placing his arm around her.

She shrugged her shoulders, continuing to ignore Edward.

"So, how do you like working here so far?" Emmett asked, turning in Edward's direction.

"It's all right, I guess. I've probably lost more money for this place than I've earned, but other than that, it's not too bad," Edward answered, shaking his head.

"Aw, well, man, nothing to worry about. You should have seen this one when she first started. I couldn't tell you how many times…" Emmett opened his stupid, big mouth.

"Finish that sentence and it's your balls, Emmy Bear," I warned, narrowing my eyes.

He held his hands up in surrender, leaving the sentence hanging in the air. _Good boy_, I thought. I really would have hated to castrate him when he was marrying my best friend, but a girl had to do what a girl had to do sometimes.

I left Edward with James and Emmett, walking over to my father. His side was starting to get busy, and I figured he could use some real help. We began getting orders filled quickly, busting our asses until every hand had a drink in it.

"Ooooh, Charlieeeeeeeeeee!" A shrill female voice pierced the air.

"Why, God? Why? What did I do to you?" Charlie muttered under his breath.

The Dragon Lady herself walked up to the bar and sat on the stool. She tossed her frizzy light brown hair behind her shoulder, batting her eyelashes in a way that probably was supposed to look sexy. Instead, it came across more like she was having a seizure. The woman grabbed a hold of my dad's forearm and squeezed lightly, making him jerk it back.

"Aw, come on, baby. Don't be like that." she leaned forward, pushing her breasts out.

"Um, I have to, um…yeah. I think the new guy needs me—James, get your ass down here, now!" he called out, backing away quickly.

I snickered as he almost sprinted to where Edward was standing. James sauntered over to me and looked at the woman sitting in front of us.

"Nay Nay. It's good to see you. How have you been?" he asked, leaning on the bar toward her.

"Oh, James, what do I have to do? It's like he hates me or something," Renee complained.

"I have no idea," James admitted with a sigh. "He's a tough man to figure out."

"Maybe I should start wearing shorter skirts," she mused as she tugged on the hem of her skirt. "That would probably catch his eye."

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, smacking my hand on the top of the bar. "I do not need to hear how your skanky ass plans on getting my father to cheat on my mother. Zip it, or I'll have you thrown out on your ass."

She pouted and ordered a drink. James went to fix it, and I grabbed him by the arm.

"Why do you encourage her? You're lucky that Charlie hasn't killed you in your sleep. He does know where you live, seeing as he was the one that offered you the apartment above us," I said, waving my finger in his face.

"Come on, Indian Princess, it's all in fun. Besides, who is the one that entertains her ass when she's here?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "Me, that's who."

"Fine," I said, blowing out a frustrated breath. "You get brownie point for that because you're right. But…just…don't encourage her as much. Charlie is reaching his breaking point, I think."

He saluted me and went back to work.

The bar was beginning to slow down, so I thought it would be a perfect time to take a break. When I entered the back room, I saw Edward sitting on a chair with his head in his hands. He looked kind of upset, so I figured I'd pull out the nice girl I had stashed inside of me somewhere and ask what was wrong. I had always wanted to be more like Jake. Talking to Edward would be good practice.

"Everything all right?" I asked in a concerned tone.

"Fuck, how do I still have a job?" he muttered into his hands.

I sat down beside him and reached over, awkwardly patting him on his shoulder.

"Um, I can I give you a little word of advice?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't bite my head off.

He sighed.

"Like the suggestion that I learn how to toss bottles? Yeah, no thanks," Edward said in a frustrated tone.

"Okay, fine. I admit it. I've been a real ass to you, and I probably deserve that comment," I admitted, glancing at him sideways. He raised his green eyes, looking into my brown ones expectantly.

"I'm not a nice person, and I really don't give a damn if people are uncomfortable with it," I stated, keeping my eyes on him. "However, my father likes you, so that means that I'll stop being mean and try to get along with you."

He raised his eyebrow.

"Look, if you'd quit trying to work as fast as the rest of us, you probably wouldn't drop as many things. We have years of experience on you, and no one expects you to move at our pace."

He blew out a breath. "I'll have to try that, if I still have a job when I go back out there."

"I broke the beer tap my second night working here," I confessed, hoping my own misfortune would help him feel better.

He laughed loudly.

"Really?" he choked out with tears in his eyes.

"Yes. I'm sure that was what Emmett was trying to tell you earlier. I couldn't get the damn thing to move, and it broke off in my hand. That cost Charlie a pretty penny to fix. If I still have a job, then you will, too. Your damage is small potatoes compared to mine."

"Good to know," he said, wiping under his eye.

I looked up at the clock hanging on the far wall and noticed my twenty minutes were up…five minutes before hand. Yeah, Charlie was going to have my ass.

"Well, I'll see ya out there," I said in a pleasant voice and started to walk away. Edward called out, making me turn to him out of curiosity.

"Yeah?" I questioned, furrowing my brow.

"Um, James said you might like these," he stuttered, holding out a small bag.

I took it from him and opened it—_Oh my God_—I think I might have drooled a little. Inside the small paper bag was a box of chocolate covered cherries. I pulled them out and began opening the package.

"Stupid sneaky James," I muttered as I tore apart the plastic and carefully opened the box.

"What?" Edward inquired, standing up.

"Nothing," I answered in a whispered voice.

"So, I take it that chocolate covered cherries are a good thing, then?"

"Chocolate covered cherries are a piece of heaven on earth. I would rat out my own grandfather, whom I love dearly, for one," I explained with a scoff.

He smiled, shaking his head in amusement. I thought, as I popped one into my mouth, that he probably thought I was joking. Well, I wasn't. Those little candies held a lot of power over me, enough to make my cold heart melt.

"I think you've just become my new favorite person," I admitted reluctantly. "Come on, let's get back to work.

He looked shocked by my statement but followed me anyway.

"Shit, that means I can't call you stalker boy in my head anymore, doesn't it?" I muttered as we reached the bar.

"Stalker boy?" his voice gave away his confusion.

"Fuck, um, yeah. Just don't ask, okay? I give everyone some kind of nickname in my head and…hey, why don't you help out Renee? I'm sure you'd score points with Charlie for serving her," I suggested, motioning toward my dad's own stalker.

"I don't want to serve the Dragon Lady, though," he said with a pout. The look on his face caused me to laugh.

"Dragon Lady? So, Charlie told you all about her little crush on him, did he?"

"Yes. She's been eyeing me all night. Between her and James, I'm kind of scared here," he said with a shudder.

"James is harmless. He's just playing with you, because he thinks you're cute. Renee, on the other hand, would probably try to devour you," I admitted.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. James won't leave me alone. I think he thinks I'm more than cute."

"Let me tell you something about James," I looked up at him. "If you're going to continue working here, you are going to have to learn to get a thicker skin. James lives to fuck with good-looking straight men."

I set another drink in front of Renee and turned back to Edward, having decided to wait on the Dragon Lady myself. James and I seemed to be the only two willing to serve her, and his funky ass was down with my dad. _Bastard_. I was making him trade me as soon as things slowed down.

"So, what you're saying is…" he tilted his head to the side.

"Tell him he has a pimple on his face, or that his ass looks big in his jeans. He will be so worried about it, he won't even pay attention to you."

He laughed and shook his head. "I'll have to remember that."

"Yes, it has worked well for me when I've had enough of his little rants. He's just lucky I love him." I glared in James' direction.

Edward and I continued to work together for the rest of the night. After he had stopped trying to be Mr. Super Bartender, he wasn't half bad. Okay, and once I decided to quit being a world-class asshole, I found that _he_ wasn't half bad. The man had, even if James had put him up to it, gotten me chocolate covered cherries.

When the night was over and closing duties were finished, Edward went back to the office to see Charlie. James walked over to me and bumped me with his hip.

"Stud Muffin likes you," he sang, placing his hand around my shoulder.

"Shut up" I pushed him off of me

"And I think that you might have changed your mind, too," he said, pointing at me in accusation.

"Yes, I've changed my mind and have decided he might be one of the good guys, but he doesn't like me."

"Hallelujah! She has finally seen the light!" he exclaimed, throwing his hand toward the ceiling. I elbowed him in the ribs, and he let out an oomph.

"Oh, and what was that with the cherries, huh?" I asked, crossing my arms and giving him a glare. "What exactly is going on in that little head of yours?"

"Pretty boy obviously has no idea how to handle you, so I figured I'd help him out. I want to be your maid of honor when the two of you get married. Can you imagine me in a pink silk tux?" he said with a dreamy look.

"I am not marrying him. Get that thought out of your head…right this instant," I warned, shoving him lightly.

"Oh, come on. The two of you would have the most gorgeous babies on the planet and, because of Auntie James, they would be the most fashion conscious children in the history of the world," James lectured, placing a hand on his heart.

"Not going to happen, Pricilla, Queen of the Desert." I tapped my foot on the ground.

"Take that back, you whore. I am no drag queen," he demanded, sucking in a shocked breath. "I don't tuck the beast—I let him swing proudly."

"Give up the dream, James. It's not going to happen," I promised with an eye roll.

"We'll just see about that, Indian princess. Your fairy godfather has a few tricks up his sleeve."

_Motherfucking fuck_.

James was going to be difficult, and he was going to make my life hell. The one thing that James loved more than ogling men was playing matchmaker. When he found what he called _the perfect couple_, the man would stop at nothing to make it happen. Poor Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton had been the last two to fall into James's clutches. He pulled out every trick, dirty and otherwise, from his book and was relentless until they finally gave in. It didn't matter that they'd been married for four months and were blissfully happy, because that wasn't going to happen to me. I was too damaged and jaded. James was just going to have to match Edward with someone else.

"I see that look, Bella, and you should know me by now—I won't give up. You're going to marry that man. Even if I have to carry you down the aisle hog-tied."

I shook my head and left the bar, walking out to my car.

_Yeah, I don't think so, buddy. You will have to chase me all the way to Canada first_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **And so it begins…

You can find us on Twitter under shelikethesound and d_inspiration. We post teasers and other goodies from our blog on those accounts.

See ya next update!

Movie eferences: Cocktail and Pricilla, Queen of the Desert. Bar joke from www(dot)dreamhaven(dot)org/~data/humor/barpuns(dot)html


	5. Stranger In Town

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **A huge thank you to The A Team, also known as The Dust Team, consisting of Dinx, sherryola, nowforruin, jointgifts, and Mizzdee, for their help and guidance with kind words and red pens. Also a huge thank you for all the reviews and alerts – you make us smile!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

**Stranger-In-Town**

The bed bumped against the wall repeatedly, making the ugly-ass, framed art print shake and dance on its little nail. Loud moans rang out along with a high-pitched scream. She was definitely a screamer, which she had demonstrated over and over during the night. I desperately wished she was also into gags or something, because I was going out of my goddamn mind listening to that shit.

"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled through the wall. It wasn't the first time, so I doubted it would do any good this time, either. Maybe I should have kicked their door in and snapped some photos of the noisy couple. In all probability, at least one of them was cheating on a spouse, and all cheaters should just roast in hell.

Laughter and muffled voices floated through the wall, and I covered my face with my arm. _Motherfuck_. Motels made barracks in the desert seem incredibly desirable. I'd even take on the dust without complaining if only I could get some decent sleep. If loud people weren't having sex right on the other side of a paper-thin wall, insomniacs were watching TV all night, or babies with colic or some shit were crying constantly. The mattresses were either too hard or too soft, and my back didn't like it one damn bit. Hot showers were a rare luxury, but filthy furniture and carpets were not.

The bed in the room next door started bumping into the wall again. _Fuck__it__all_. I missed my M16A2 rifle. Jake had named his Dickey on our last tour because he claimed it reminded him of his favorite weapon – the one that made all the girls surrender. I hadn't named mine – _any_ of mine – but I sure as hell could have used my rifle for the idiots next door. _Preventing__a__man__'__s__sleep__should__be__a__capital__offense._

I looked at my watch. It was already a quarter past six, and I had gotten very little sleep. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep the entire morning away as I had to find a Laundromat and wash some of my clothes. I was running low on acceptable work attire and while I was at it, I probably needed to go buy some new clothes, adding to the narrow selection I had gotten after I'd been released from the hospital. After seven years in the Army, I didn't have a whole lot of civilian clothes.

My back protested when I sat up, and so did my knee when I put weight on it. I felt like a really old man in the mornings, and while I doubted my knee would ever get better, I hoped my back might when I treated it to a better bed. I sighed and closed my eyes. Needing half an hour to get fully moving in the mornings was nothing compared to the sacrifices others had made. Jake, for one. If only he had been the one to come home safe to his family, even if it had been with a bum knee. I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat if I could. It was the sad truth that I wouldn't have been missed by anyone if I had died in his place.

I took a lukewarm shower and dressed in my last clean clothes. Then I gathered up all my laundry, went across the street to get some coffee, a bagel, and a muffin, and went in search of the laundromat. When I found it, it was practically empty, so after loading all my clothes into the machines, I settled down with my breakfast and coffee. I dug out my cell phone after I'd eaten and tried to remember the password to my email account. I hadn't checked that fucker in months. Scratching my head, I wondered why the hell I didn't have a password that had some kind of significance so I could actually remember it.

Like…_firecracker_. I smiled to myself while I tried different passwords I had used over the years. Jake's sister was nothing like I had expected her to be. I had never really thought about what she might look like – just that she would probably look like Jake. In my mind, she had been more of an ideal than an actual person. She had symbolized everything good and safe back home while making things easier for her brother and those around him. If only she knew how much of a difference she had made for us over there. Jake hadn't known, and I was probably never going to admit it to her, either, but her letters had kept me afloat. Not receiving any myself, I had lived vicariously through Jake, and the words she had sent him had made me feel like someone back home actually cared.

And then she had turned out to be possibly the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Jake's sister of all people. I shook my head a little, and then I shook my phone just for the hell of it. What was that goddamn password? My thoughts drifted back to Bella. I had to admit to myself that I had imagined her a lot more like Jake – happy, sunshiny smiles, uncomplicated, and without secrets. Bella smiled – and she smiled beautifully – but they were guarded smiles with hints of shadows. It was understandable, of course – Jake's death had probably changed everyone who had known him, and especially those he was closest to.

As I sat contemplating Jake and the influence he had had on everyone in his life, it finally came to me. Screwdriver! My password was _screwdriver,_another little reminder of my best friend. The year before, just after we'd arrived in Afghanistan, my email account had been hacked or some shit, sending out bogus emails. Jake had told me to change my password, and when I hadn't been able to think of one in the five seconds he'd given me, he had changed it himself. To _screwdriver_ of all things.

I typed it in, and sure enough, I was granted access to my account. There was surprisingly little spam, but plenty of updates for whatever crap I had signed up for over the years. After weeding all those away, there were eight emails left. The oldest one was from Jake, and it made me squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. It was a random forward thing if the subject line could be trusted, and it was sent three days before the roadside bomb. My finger hovered over the button to open it, but I just couldn't do it. It was the last thing he would ever tell me – even if it was only some stupid chain mail or a bunch of lame jokes. I scrolled down and found six emails from former squad members. Those I would have to prepare myself to look at later as they would probably reopen a lot of old wounds. The last one was from…I looked at the name, never in a million years expecting to see it in my inbox again. There had been a time when it had been there all the time. Jasper Whitlock. Back in high school, he and I had been best friends, but when I had joined the Army, he had stood on my family's side – against me. He had been engaged to my sister and been my parents' favorite because he was headed to law school and was full of charming, old-fashioned manners.

Eight little, innocent-looking emails, but they all held the power to knock the wind out of me. I loaded my laundry from the washers to the dryers while I willed myself not to be a pussy. Once the dryers were started, I sat back down and opened the email from Jasper. It seemed like the easiest place to start.

It was short and sent only two weeks earlier. It just said that he had heard that I had been injured overseas and to please call him as soon as possible. He had added his phone number. I looked at the short message for a long time. _Why__the__hell__would__I__want__to__call__him__after__all__this__time?_ Had something happened to Alice or my parents? I tapped my fingers nervously against my knee. Did I care? Biting the inside of my cheek, I admitted that I probably did – at least as much as they had cared when I had been in the hospital suffering from my run-in with a bomb.

I saved the number on my phone and went through every stereotypical, nervous gesture in the book – tapping my foot, biting my lip, rubbing my forehead, running a hand through my hair – before I finally gave in and pressed the call button. _Damn__it__all__to__hell_.Part of me hoped he wouldn't pick up, but that hope was in vain.

"Hello?"

I hadn't talked to him in seven years, but his voice hadn't changed so much that I didn't recognize it immediately. It took up a big part of the soundtrack of my childhood. We had made mud pies together, raced around on our tricycles, chased girls and bugs, gotten into trouble, and naively believed that we would be best friends forever. I hadn't been trying to replace Jasper with Jake, but it had happened anyway thanks to Jake's insistant personality.

"Hello? Anyone there?" Jasper asked, making me realize that I hadn't spoken yet.

I cleared my throat. "Hi. It's Edward. I um, I just saw your email."

"Edward! Fuck, man. I'm so glad to hear your voice," he said. "I didn't know you'd been hurt until two weeks ago, and it just made me realize…you know what, never mind what it made me realize. How are you? Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied after a short moment's hesitation. "Why did you need me to call you?"

I heard him sigh. "When Alice let it slip that you'd come close to dying over there, I realized that I shouldn't waste anymore time without telling you how sorry I am for the way I treated you back then. It wasn't like I agreed with your family anyway, I just…I don't know, man. I lost sight of what was important, probably because of Alice, but I was a really shitty friend at a really shitty time. And it's high time I apologized. I really am sorry for not being the friend you deserved."

"Um…okay?" What the hell was I supposed to say to an apology that was seven years late? "I appreciate that, but I don't really know if it makes a difference."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know. I didn't expect everything to be fine just because I said that I'm sorry. I just…I just had to, okay? I fucking freaked when I found out, and Alice not telling me that you'd been hurt or that she went to DC to see you…it was just the last straw. I don't even know what happened exactly, only that it was serious."

I snorted, unable to help myself. She'd been to _see_ me, all right. "Alice should have stayed the fuck away from the hospital, and my dad should have kept his nose out of it. You can tell them both that. That whole checking up on me but not wanting me to know, is bullshit, and it also shows how rotten they are."

"I'll take great delight in telling them that if I see them again, but honestly, man? I might not," he replied. "Things between Alice and me went downhill shortly after you left. We've been on and off ever since because, as much as I still love her, I don't particularly like her. And not telling me that you had been seriously hurt was just fucking low."

I didn't know what to say to him. I probably also couldn't deny the fact that I loved Alice – or my parents for that matter – but there was nothing about them that I liked. Though, until a few minutes prior, I would have involuntarily grouped Jasper with them. Now I didn't know what to think.

"So, um, are you going back to Afghanistan?" Jasper asked after a small pause.

I leaned my head back against the wall and suppressed a sigh. "No, I didn't renew my contract. My knee…it's not a hundred percent and probably never will be."

"Shit, I'm sorry, man. That blows," Jasper said.

"I was lucky," I said seriously. "I still have my leg, not to mention my life."

"Of course," he replied. "So what are you doing now? Are you back in Seattle?"

"It's not home anymore. Actually that's what I'm trying to find. At the moment I'm in a little town called Forks up near Port Angeles. I'm…I'm visiting a friend, and I was offered a job, so I'm sticking around for a bit," I said, wondering why I was telling him anything.

There was awkward silence for a while. I watched my laundry spin while wondering what to have with my coleslaw at the diner for lunch.

I heard Jasper clear his throat. "Maybe I could come up for a visit sometime? I mean, I don't expect you to just forgive me for being a spineless idiot for this long, but…I don't know, man. Let me buy you a beer sometime. That's all."

"Yeah, maybe," I said, not doing much to hide my lack of enthusiasm. Jasper didn't seem to get that he was someone I had written off a long time ago. I hadn't been waiting by the phone for the day he called to apologize for being a shitty friend at a time when I could have fucking used his support.

The goodbyes were awkward, and I hung up not having the faintest idea if I had talked to my former best friend for the last time. And if I was being honest, the fact that my laundry was done was far more interesting.

I had forgotten all about my conversation with Jasper when I walked into Upstairs at lunch time. Charlie was behind the counter and spotted me right away. He waved me over to the seat I had sat in the first day, and I sat down with a smile, remembering my sentimental and entirely unfounded notion that Jake used to sit in it.

"You're just in time," he said to me with a twinkle in his eyes and a laugh that was threatening to escape.

I eyed him carefully. He looked so much like Jake just before one of his pranks was set to blow up in someone's face. Maybe Charlie was the one who had educated him in the fine art of pranking.

"Just in time for what?" I asked, suspiciously.

Charlie snickered and pointed toward the kitchen. "That."

A woman who looked so much like Jake that she had to be Mrs. Swan came out from the kitchen carrying a large tray. "You and you," she said, motioning with her head to Charlie and me. "Follow me, please."

No stranger to taking orders, I slid off the stool. When I looked at Charlie, he just shrugged and grinned. We followed her over to a booth in the corner where she put the tray down on the table before turning to me. Her smile was wide, and there was no doubt that she had passed it on to her son right along with the color of her skin. In that regard, Bella was definitely her father's daughter just as much as Jake was his mother's son.

"Ma'am," I said, nodding my head.

Her laugh was a little choked, and I was more than a little surprised when she hugged me. I awkwardly hugged her back while Charlie just laughed. She laughed, too, when she released me and ran a finger under each eye.

"I'm sorry, dear," she said, fanning her face with her hand. "I'm being silly, it's just that…well, you were with Jake when…and Charlie said that you're the Rusty he wrote about all the time. It's like you're a little piece of Jake, and I'm so happy to meet someone who meant so much to him. And…you were the last person my baby boy saw in this life, weren't you?"

I nodded, still rather baffled at her reaction to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella behind the counter, looking at us wide-eyed. She didn't join us, and I wondered if Charlie had told her that I had known Jake. It might explain why she had suddenly decided to be nice to me. Turning around, she ducked into the kitchen and disappeared from my view.

Mrs. Swan motioned for me to sit down and then sat down opposite me, next to Charlie. Looking over at her husband briefly, she took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Can I ask you something about Jake and how…um, that day?"

"Of course, Mrs. Swan. Anything," I replied.

"First of all, call me Sue. Secondly, my husband doesn't think I should be asking you this," she said, narrowing her eyes playfully at her husband before turning serious again. "He's very protective that way, but now that I actually have the opportunity, I need to know about my son's last moments on this earth. Not how he died – I don't want to hear about that. But how was he that day? Was he happy? Smiling? What did he say?"

I hoped Jake had appreciated the fact that he had the best parents in the world. And I hoped Bella appreciated it, too. Jake's dad had asked me if Jake had suffered, and now his mom wanted to know if he had been happy. Could any child really ask for more than that?

It tore at my heart to remember that day, but I wasn't about to disappoint Jake's mom. I cleared my throat. "I can't remember a day where Jake wasn't happy. Being around him…he didn't just hold me up, he held everyone up. That day…that day was no exception. When we drove out, he and one of the other guys were playfully bickering about big cities versus small towns, and I think you can guess how good a defense Forks got."

They both smiled, and Sue dabbed her eyes with a napkin.

"I don't remember the last thing he said, but whatever it was, it was either defending Forks or insulting big cities." I took a deep breath, remembering the exact moment everything had gone to hell. "But I do remember the last thing he did before...um, Jake had been talking about how he was supposed to…"

I stopped talking. I felt like I was choking. I hadn't thought about exactly what Jake had been talking about that day before. He was going home to work Downstairs. At the bar. I had gotten the job that was supposed to be Jake's. That little realization hit me hard.

"You okay, son?" Charlie asked, interrupting my little melt-down.

"Yeah. Sorry, just realized…um, doesn't matter," I said, trying to remember what I had been saying. "Jake had been talking about how he was supposed to go home and work at the bar, and when we passed a bombed out shed or something, one of the big city boys teasingly asked Jake if that was what the small-town bar he was going home to work at looked like. Jake's reply was to stick his tongue out. That was…that was the last thing he did."

I looked up to see Sue crying and Charlie comforting her. I felt awful. The last thing I wanted was to make a grieving mother upset, but refusing to answer her question hadn't been an option either.

"Thank you," Sue said, smiling through her tears and reaching over to squeeze my hand. "It probably sounds stupid, but it makes me happy to know that my baby boy was being his silly, lovable self when…that's how we remember him, after all."

I nodded. I had very few memories of Jake that didn't include him smiling or laughing.

Sue insisted I have lunch with her and Charlie. She dished out the most delicious-looking open faced roast beef sandwiches along with iced tea from the tray she had brought. We shared lighthearted stories about Jake's shenanigans, and while it was still difficult to talk about him, it was a great inspiration that his parents talked so openly about him. Grief often made you want to bottle everything up because you somehow believed that it would lessen the hurt not to talk about it. I was guilty of it myself, since I had blown off any attempt the people at Walter Reed had made to get me to talk about what had happened. I didn't regret it, because those people hadn't known Jake or the other extraordinary men that had fallen victim to the roadside bomb and the sniper. But being here and talking to the people who had known the civilian part of Jake the best might do me some good, too. It would only be fair if those he had left behind could help heal each other somehow.

"Lunch was great. Thank you, ma'am," I said after polishing off a piece of the magical apple pie. I was going to get fat fast if I kept eating lunch at the diner.

Sue smiled at me. "You're welcome, dear. I'm glad you're here, and I hope you'll be sticking around for a while. Charlie told me you're out of the Army now and have no definitive plans?"

"That's right. I'm just looking for something that feels right, and right now, being in Forks feels right," I replied.

"You were injured that day, too, weren't you?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yes. That's why I left the Army. My knee…the doctors said that they couldn't give me any guarantees that it would ever be strong enough for active duty, but I think they were being nice to me by saying that. Every morning, it's completely fuc-…sorry, ma'am – messed up, and it takes me a while to get moving."

"Should you even be bartending?" she asked, sending Charlie an accusing glance. "It's a lot of standing."

I suppressed a smile at how chagrined Charlie looked. "It's fine, ma'am. As soon as I get moving in the mornings, it's okay. It didn't bother me at all last night."

"All right," Sue allowed, looking at me like only a mother who had experienced a disobedient son could. "But if it does bother you, don't be a hero. Sit down, and don't let the rascals you work with bully you. I know how they can be."

Charlie snickered, obviously counting himself among the rascals.

"Thank you, but I'm sure it will be fine," I said.

"All right, I need to get back to work before Leah burns down the place," Sue said, getting up. She picked up the tray and smiled at me. "Edward, it was very nice to meet you, please don't be a stranger. Charlie, give the boy a night off so he can come over for dinner, and don't forget about the apartment."

"It was nice to meet you, too," I told her at the same time as Charlie muttered, "Yes, ma'am." I wished my parents were as lovely and as much of a riot as Jake's.

Charlie was chuckling as Sue walked away. "My wife would have made a great drill sergeant. This place, and all of us in it, would fall apart without her."

"Jake said the same thing about her once," I said. "Some of the guys were giving him shit about the socks she sent him, and he said that they were just jealous and that his mom could make them weep faster than our drill sergeant back in basic training."

Charlie snorted. "He wasn't kidding. The socks were horrible, though. She knitted me some, too, and I _accidentally_ tore a large hole in one of them."

I laughed. The multi-colored socks hadn't been pretty, but I had never mocked them because they had been made with love, and Jake had loved them.

"So, I wanted to talk to you about your living arrangements," Charlie said. "You're probably staying at the motel, right?"

I nodded.

Charlie wrinkled his nose. "Aro shouldn't be running a motel. He thinks hygiene is a small town in Siberia. The only reason he's still in business is the lack of competition. We've got three apartments upstairs. Bella has one, and so does James. The third one was intended for Jake, but Sue and I would like you to have it. It would be part of your salary just like it's part of James'. There's honestly no one else we'd rather have living there than you."

"Charlie, I couldn't…I…" Flabbergasted, I leaned back in my seat.

He sighed. "He won't be coming back, no matter how much we leave what was his or intended to be his untouched. My boy would have been the first to tell you to get the hell out of Aro's fleabag motel and into a place that he was looking forward to staying in. And I'm not going to lie, it would be a relief if you'd say yes. Bella has been staying with us since she came home, but now she wants to move into the apartment that has been hers all along. Bella is tough as nails, and having James there helps, but a father worries. You'd be doing everyone, including yourself, a favor."

The Swans were the kindest people I had ever met, and their generosity overwhelmed me – as did the thought of living in what should have been Jake's apartment. I didn't want to appear as if I was taking advantage of the fact that he was gone by taking what would have been his job and his place to live.

"Please?" Charlie asked. "Having to report back to the drill sergeant of my life that I wasn't able to convince you won't be fun. Besides, you'd help an old man out by being there. Although he's nowhere as capable as you, between you and James, I'd know that Bella was safe."

I didn't know if he was just being overcautious about Bella this soon after losing Jake, but I kept hearing hints about something that had happened to her. Of course, it was none of my business, but maybe it could explain the drastic difference between the saint I had believed her to be through her letters to Jake and the firecracker she had turned out to be in person. Or maybe I had just misread her and the tone in her letters completely. It was very possible.

I forced myself to think about the matter of the apartment instead of Bella. I desperately wanted to escape the motel, and just the thought of having a place to call my own after all this time made me want to drool like a goddamn dog. I tried to imagine what Jake would have said. Biting the inside of my cheek, I realized that he wouldn't have said anything. He would have slapped the back of my head and given me his perfected _Get__Your__Ass__in__Gear,__Rusty_ look.

"Thank you. If you're really sure, I'd love to get out of the motel," I said to Charlie.

"Excellent," he replied with a smile. "It just so happens that I have the key right here in my pocket, so let's go upstairs and I'll show it to you."

I chuckled and followed him outside, where there was a staircase on the side of the building. Once upstairs, he unlocked the door, and we stepped into a wide corridor that looked like it belonged inside a real home. There were photographs and art on the walls, and it led to what looked like a living room with a couch, chairs, lamps, plants, and a coffee table. There were even shelves with books and knickknacks on the wall. Just like in the corridor, there were also paintings and photographs. There were four doors, and Charlie pointed to each of them.

"Over there is James' place, and next to it there's a storage room with washers and dryers for everyone's use. Across from it we have Bella, and you're next to her, across from James," he said and went over to unlock the door that was mine.

The apartment wasn't large, but when you were used to barracks in the desert or motel rooms, it was like a palace. There was a large, open kitchen and living area, a fairly large bedroom, a bathroom, and a big ass closet I had no idea what I was supposed to fill with.

"Sue decorated it for Jake, and you're welcome to all of it, but if you don't like it, I'll have it removed later today," Charlie said.

It was all done in light earth tones, but with splashes of blue that kept away the illusion of sand and desert. The furniture was dark wood, and the throw on the couch made me miss my grandma. It was pretty fucking perfect, and I told Charlie so. He nodded with a smile that told me he agreed.

"Jake's personal stuff was never moved over here before…um, so it's ready for you to move into whenever you want. Sue cleaned it yesterday," he said.

"Thank you so much, Charlie. This is…" I smiled. This was a home. "This is great. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Like I said, this is great arrangement for all of us," Charlie replied and handed me the keys. "I need to get back downstairs. Let me know if there's anything you need. I'll see you down in the bar later."

After he had left, I looked around with a smile on my face. Then I looked at my watch to check if I had time to go and get my stuff and check out of the motel. Thankfully, I had plenty of time, so I locked up and jogged – yes, jogged, even if my knee wasn't happy about it – down to the motel. An hour later, I was back with my car and all my belongings, happy in the knowledge that I would be sleeping in a real bed after work. I fucking whistled while I unpacked. Had I ever whistled before? I couldn't remember, and I didn't care.

There was a knock on the door. I smiled wider – there was a knock on _my_ door. My smile was replaced with a mixture of a snort and sheer horror when I opened it, though. Outside stood James. It wasn't the fact that he was there that was shocking – he did live right across from me, after all. What was shocking was his attire. A maroon housecoat, bare legs, and fluffy bunny slippers. He was holding a stack of DVDs and a large container of popcorn.

"Hello, neighbor sex-on-legs," he greeted me and filled his mouth with popcorn.

"Um, hi…" I replied slowly.

"It's time for that Tom Cruise marathon," he told me and breezed past me into the apartment. "Ooh, I love the drapes! Mama Swan has excellent taste. Can I try the bed? I am an excellent judge of beds."

I closed the door and stalked after him. No fucking way was he going anywhere my bed. I hadn't even tried it out yet. "Stay away from my bed, and while you're at it, just stay away from everything. No touching the drapes. No touching anything!"

James pouted and stuffed another handful of popcorn into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully while tapping his fluffy bunny foot against the floor. "Can we watch Tom Cruise's sexy ass now? I could eat breakfast off that thing, you know."

"I'm sure you could. Listen, I don't have time to watch movies right now. I have a few things to unpack, and then I have to go to work," I said, hoping he would take his housecoat, fluffy slippers-wearing ass and leave. He was freaking me out, and I was going to make sure that my door was locked at all times.

He didn't move an inch.

"Let me get this straight, buttercup," he said. "You would rather unpack than watch Tom Cruise? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying, _buttercup_," I replied with a smirk.

James chortled. "All right, no Tom Cruise…today. But I'll be back, you know that, right?"

"I'm sure you will," I replied, easily. "Tell me something. Are you planning to go to work dressed like that?"

He wriggled his ass. "Ya like?"

"Not particularly," I replied dryly. "I was more afraid that you'd scare away the customers. Don't you have to be downstairs when the bar opens?"

"We'd get a lot more business if I showed my legs. Just sayin'," he said, extremely sure of himself. "And no, I'm not on until later. You've got the Indian princess all to your smexy self for a couple of hours. Don't let me find any ass prints on the counter."

"Get out," I said tiredly, shaking my head. I was ready for this day to be over so I could crawl into my new bed. It had been extremely long and emotional, and I still had my shift in the bar to get through.

Snickering, James wriggled his ass all the way to his own apartment. He blew me a kiss before I slammed my door. If I spent too much time around that lunatic, I was going to lose my goddamn mind.

After finishing the small task of unpacking, I discovered that working alone with the pretty firecracker was…interesting. She kept eyeing me weirdly, but was pleasant and friendly enough. I managed to break only one glass, and although it looked like it pained her to tell me, she complimented me on the way I handled the customers. She loosened up a little when James came prancing in, thankfully now clad in jeans and a button down. Even the fluffy bunny slippers were gone.

"Did you hear about the latest scandal, Indian Princess?" he asked Bella and slipped behind the bar.

"Am I usually interested in scandals?" she fired back and served a beer for a customer with a blinding smile. Why the hell didn't she ever smile like that at me?

"I'm not talking celebrity scandals. I know you're not into that, although you really should check out the last issue of US Magazine. Just sayin', girl. I'm talking about a scandal that took place right here in this building," James insisted.

She turned to look at him and rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Since you're not going to shut up about it, just tell me now and let's be fucking done with it."

"Sweetballs over there would rather unpack than watch Tom Cruise!" he exclaimed, making me cover my face with a towel in exasperation and turn my back to the bar. He was a moron.

When I removed the towel and looked over at them again, Bella was looking at him like he had lost his marbles. The pretty firecracker had seen the light. Hallelujah.

"So?" she asked him.

James's eyes widened. "But it's Tom Cruise!"

"Yeah, he's a pussy," Bella said and returned to work.

"Oh no, baby girl. He's got all the right parts," James objected. "No pussy anywhere on his gorgeous bod."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you'd actually checked," she commented with a snort. "But it doesn't change the fact that people with good taste in movies would rather have a root canal than watch him butcher a role."

"But…but…but…" James looked like he was about to cry, and I was having a difficult time keeping my laughter in.

"And the same goes for your other boy toys, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, and whatever they're called. They wouldn't know a decent role if it bit them in the ass," Bella said, practically steamrolling James, who was gaping at her.

"Hey, Edward," she called out. _Uh__oh_. "Give Jamie-poo here some titles of _real_ movies."

And just like that I was the one put in the spot. _Fuck__me_. "_The_ _Godfather,__Cinderella__Man_, _Intermission,_ and _Die__Hard,_" I replied with very little hesitation. When you hesitated, you ended up getting shot - in Afghanistan, and probably around Bella, too.

"Hm, not bad," she said after a moment and fucking winked at me. "All right, back to work. There are customers waiting."

James and I looked at each other, and I was pretty sure that he was as clueless as me about what had just happened. With a shrug, I did as asked and went to serve some thirsty people. Around eight, Emmett and his icy fiancée came in. I had no idea what the hell I had ever done to her, but she acted like I had run over her dog or something. She went to sit at the far end of the bar where Bella was working. Emmett came over to my side and plopped down on a stool. I got him the beer he requested, and when there was a lull between customers, I went over to talk to him. Unfortunately, James had the same idea.

"I have important business to discuss with you," James told Emmett and me, looking briefly toward the other end of the bar. "I'm working on a plan, an-"

"Not another word!" Emmett interrupted him, holding up a hand. "I still have nightmares about the last plan you told me about. I think it was the lube…or maybe the candleholder…not sure, but I really don't have time for therapy this close to the wedding. Rosie would kill me."

"Shut your pretty mouth," James said. "I'm talking about the plan to get the Indian princess and loverboy here hitched."

"What?" I exclaimed, staring at him. The guy really had lost his goddamn mind.

"Bah, don't tell me the thought hasn't crossed your mind," he said with a snort. "You'd make the cutest babies since Brangelina had a go at it. Tell him, Emmett the Stud."

"First of all, dude – do not call me a stud. My girl packs a mean punch if she doesn't trip first, so you'd better watch it," Emmett said, snickering. "But yeah, let's go for it. Bells deserves a decent guy, and whoever wins her heart will be a lucky motherfucker."

"Excuse me, I'm standing right here, and I don't appreciate this bullshit about plans to make me do anything. You can't just play chess with people," I said. "The idea would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking farfetched."

James and Emmett looked at me. They were fucking smirking.

"What?" I asked, annoyed. I really did wish the Army had let me keep my rifle.

The fuckers just kept smirking.

I rolled my eyes. The idea of…of…of…it was ridiculous! She was Jake's sister, for God's sake. But she sure as hell was pretty. And she showed glimpses of a fascinating personality behind those jabs she kept throwing my way. I couldn't decide what Jake would have thought about the fact that I was even entertaining the thought of taking an interest in his sister. He would either have been all over James' plan or shot me pointblank. There was no gray zone. If only she wasn't so goddamn pretty. Well, actually pretty wasn't even the right word. She was fucking beautiful. And sexy as hell.

I cleared my throat. "But if I _was_ to win her over, how would I go about that?"

Emmett had to hold on to the countertop, and James' legs buckled so he ended up on the floor from laughing so much. Bella and the icy Rose turned their heads, and I felt the heat in my cheeks. _Fuck__me__all__the__way__to__hell._

Giggling, James stood up, and after a while Emmett stopped guffawing.

"What I meant was tha-" I started, but was interrupted.

"Yeah, we got what you meant," Emmett said, snickering.

"And we'll help you out, dollface," James added.

"But…" I tried.

"First of all, reveal who you are. Bella doesn't know yet," Emmett interrupted me again.

"Bella doesn't know what?" James asked. "Are you some kind of serial killer? Aw, you can't be! You're too pretty for that."

"Shut up, Brokeback. It's none of your business," Emmett said.

James crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. "If the smexy cupcake isn't who he says he is, then I'm not letting Bella and him get hitched."

"You're not letting…?" Emmett snorted. "Look dude, do you really think I'd let Bella anywhere near Edward if I didn't know for a fact that he's a good guy? Really, what do you take me for?"

James pouted. "Why can't I know, then?"

"Ignore him," Emmett said, turning to look at me. "Bella needs trust, so you have to tell her."

"It's not like it's secret. I just have a hard time talking about Jake, especially if I'm the one who has to bring the subject up," I said.

"You're gay!" James said _way_ too loudly.

"Okay, that's it. No more talking, no more planning, no more nothing. Just serving alcohol. And no, I'm not gay," I said and went to find someone with a thirst that needed quenching.

"Damn," James muttered. "I'll just go rant about not being invited to go dress shopping with Bella and Rose then. It's like your fiancée doesn't love me at all anymore, Emmett."

Later – much later – after one of the longest days in my life, I was getting ready for bed. _My__real__bed_. Between emails, phone calls, kindhearted Swans, Bella in all her…glory, and James testing my patience in the worst way, I was beyond exhausted. I was going to sleep and sleep and sleep until I could sleep no more. In a _real_ bed in a _real_ apartment. I couldn't quite get over that fact. There would be silence, my back wouldn't hate me for the lack of decent mattresses, and I wouldn't feel like murdering anyone.

I slid between the sheets and sighed contently. _Ahhhhh__…_

Blessed silence. Nothing but the sound of my own breathing and…loud music was cranked up somewhere. I let out an honest to God sob. Why me? I closed my eyes.

_You are my lollipop_

_Sugar, sugar top_

_You are my lollipop_

_Sugar, sugar top_

Aqua. Motherfucking Aqua. I knew because I had grown up with Alice, who was all about Toothache Pop.

James was going to die.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **As a Dane, who feels somewhat responsible for what comes out of her country, DivineInspiration would hereby like to apologize to the world for Aqua (and "Barbie Girl" in particular!). They make Danish ears bleed, too. We'll make it up to you. Somehow.

Thanks for reading. Yours truly frolic about on Twitter under the poor disguises, **shelikethesound**and **d_inspiration**. Tune in next time to see if James survives!


	6. Thunderclap

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Big, squishy hugs to our Dust Team—Dinx, sherryola, nowforruin, jointgifts, and Mizzdee. They make sense of the mess we send them and turn it into what you see now. And a huge thanks to everyone who continues to read, review, and rec us. You guys are awesome.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

**Thunderclap**

I pulled the tape off of the last box and viewed the contents inside. Among all of the miscellaneous junk, a medium-sized tin stared back at me. I ran my hand over it reverently, knowing that my brother's words lay inside.

It had only taken me a day and a half to pack up my things and move them to my apartment. God, I had missed having my own place. While it was nice to be close to my family when things had gone to hell, it was time to be on my own again. Sure, I was going to have to get used to living near James and his crazy ass, as well as the new guy, but those were minor irritations. I was excited to wake up in the mornings and have a Pop Tart for breakfast if I felt like it, instead of getting yelled at that I needed something more nutritious. I loved my mother, but her concern about what I was eating or doing got on my nerves sometimes.

I stared at the tin again, wondering if I was going to open up the wound in my heart, which my brother's death had created, that very moment. There was only one last box to unpack, and then I would be officially moved into my apartment. My plans for the day consisted of lounging around until it was time to go to work at Downstairs. _Ah, fuck it_. It was like Jake was standing over my shoulder, insisting I open it up. _Fine, bro, you win_, I thought.

I pulled the lid off the top, exposing the letters inside. Every single one was from Jake while he was away. Some were from boot camp, some from Iraq, and a few were from Afghanistan, but each one was precious to me, because it was the only way he could connect with his family.

I decided to take out the one on top—the last letter Jake would ever write to me. Carefully sliding the paper out of the open envelope, I unfolded it and began reading the words on the page.

_April 9, 2010_

_Dear Bella, _

_Hey there, little sis. How's Forks? Things are pretty good, well, if good is having crazy insurgents after your ass, but that's why I'm here, isn't it? Anyway, I wanted to thank you for sending that last batch of cookies. The guy who received them needed a pick me up, and since peanut butter is his favorite, I know it worked. _

_Do you remember me writing about my buddy, Rusty? He's stationed in Afghanistan with me—oh, and the cookies were for him. I wanted you to be the first to know I'm asking him to move to Forks. Turns out, his tour here ends the same day as mine does. I decided to send him an email asking him about it, because I know he's a proud man, and this way would be easier. I'm kind of nervous that he'll say no. _

_I think he's planning on taking another tour, but I have a feeling that staying in the Army forever isn't what he really wants to do. Bella, I don't think the man has any family. At least, they don't give a damn about him, because the entire time we've been here, he's never gotten a care package or even a letter. I'm sure he thinks he's fooling everyone by disappearing when the mail comes, and maybe he does with everyone else, but not me. I know, and it kills me. He's been a great friend—as much as Emmett ever was. _

_You know how persistent I am, though, so I'm confident I can make him see things my way. Dad would love him, and Mom would mother him to death when she found out about his family situation. I think that you might even get along with him. I can't just sit back, knowing there's something I can do. _

_So, I hope you're not too mad at me. When I realized that I would be leaving behind one of the best friends I'd ever had, I thought about what you would do. You've always tried to make the world better in your own little way. The cookies you and Rose have sent over here to brighten the men in my squad's day is a small example of it. I've always admired that about you. I know I've been pegged as the loveable goofball, but I do have a heart. I really hope that you'll back me up on this. _

_Well, Rusty's calling us, which means it's time to go out on a patrol. Kind of sucks when your best friend is also your Sergeant, you know? Fuck all this dust. I can't wait to get back to Forks. _

_Love you always, _

_Jake_

The tears streaked down my face, making the words slightly blurred. I clutched the letter gently in my hands until I got control of myself. Every time I read the letter, it brought back the realization that I'd never see my loving brother again.

We had just come home from the funeral when I'd decided to check the mail. Inside was the letter—it had arrived two weeks to the day before my brother was supposed to be discharged—and it sent me to my knees. Three days later, I'd finally had the courage to read it, and the first thing I had recognized was the date—Jake had written it the day he'd died.

Sitting there, on my living room floor, I knew what I had to do. Jake had thought highly of Rusty, going as far as considering him a friend as close as Emmett. For him to feel that way, Rusty had to have been a very special person. It was my job, since Jake was gone, to find him and thank him for being there for my brother. Only question was—how in the hell was I going to find him? Especially if he was also in the attack that had taken Jake's life?

Edward.

It was so obvious, once the thought came to me. He had to have been in the Army, and he had to know the channels I'd have to go through to find him. My brother had made it his mission in life to know everyone, so I was sure Edward would have come across Jake at some point.

_Damn it_.

I was really kicking myself for not wanting pictures of Jake's squad when he'd offered. Back then, everything with Embry was still too fresh, and I didn't want that shit to taint the sacrifice his men were making. I figured that by not knowing what they looked like, it would make it easier to keep them as the heroes they were in my head. _Fuck me and my issues_.

Deciding that little setback didn't matter, I was going to talk to Edward at work and find out what I had to do next. Surely if he didn't know Rusty, Edward could at least tell me how I could find him. It was becoming clear that having him around would be useful after all.

_God, I'm such a bitch_.

I shook my head, feeling bad. Edward had really been trying to fit in, and there I was thinking the only thing good about him was he could be a link to Rusty. _Damn, my brother must be rolling in his grave over my selfishness._ So, it looked like not only was I going to have to find Rusty, but be nicer to Edward.

Putting away the self-depreciating thoughts, I decided that I was going to have a Pop Tart for lunch. Mom wasn't there to yell at me, and truthfully, the unhealthy goodness was just what I needed to cheer myself up.

~.~.~.~

The bar was slow, but then again, it always was on a Tuesday night. Since it was James' night off, Edward and I were the only ones working. I knew I had to ask him about Rusty, but it never seemed to be a good time to do it. Honestly, though, I was a moron for thinking about asking him there anyway. Work was not the place to bring up it up, so I made the decision to ask him after closing and went back to serving the customers.

All in all, the night wasn't too bad. Edward managed to go an entire shift without breaking a glass, but his bottle holding skills were another matter. Mr. Butterfingers had me cracking up most of the night, and it did not work well for my be-nicer-to-Edward plan. When the last customer left, Edward insisted on doing the clean up so I could count the register. It kind of shocked me, how nice he was being, but I chalked it up to him wanting to stay on my good side so he could keep his job. That didn't bother me much, because there was no way my dad was going to fire him. My father loved him—soldier boy wasn't going anywhere.

I heard Edward's approach before he knocked and waved him inside. He gave me the usual "I'm done, do you need me to do anything else" speech. Truthfully, Edward was a great employee, and we were lucky to have him. Yet, I was still kind of a bitch to him—I was working on that, though.

"Hey, come in for a second," I said, waving him in. "I wanted to ask you something."

He shot me a curious look but entered. "Um, sure. What did you need?"

"This is going to probably sound stupid, but you're the only person that has a chance in hell of helping me," I admitted with a sigh.

"Go on," he said with encouragement.

"I'm sure, by now, you know my brother Jake was killed over in Afghanistan," I began, taking a deep breath. "When I was unpacking, I read one of the letters he sent me."

A look of pain crossed Edward's face, and it made me pause. I felt really bad at that moment, because I was sure he had his own experiences, and there I was talking about my brother. Damn it, I should have gone about asking him in a different way, because I was sure I was tearing open his own wounds.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sure that you have your own pain from over there, but I really have no one else to ask."

"No, it's okay. What can I help you with?" he leaned back in the chair.

"My brother was really good friends with this guy in his squad. I want to find him and thank him for being there for Jake. Did you ever meet someone by the name of Rusty? Or, if not, do you know who I'd have to contact to find him? Jake never told me his full name, so all I have to go on is his nickname. I know that not having his name will make it harder, but I have to find him."

Edward slumped forward, placing his head in his hands. I could hear him taking deep breaths, and I was becoming concerned. I left my spot behind the desk and stood behind him, rubbing his back.

"God, I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so fucking stupid," I muttered, feeling like an idiot. I started to go back to my seat, but he grabbed my arm. It frightened me a bit, until I saw the look in his eyes. There was pain, but it was mixed with something I couldn't decipher—something that I probably would only know from an experience I'd never want.

"Yeah, I knew Rusty. He was this serious fucker that everyone looked up to, but Rusty knew he wasn't worthy of their admiration. Now, Chief, he was someone that deserved to be admired. That sunny fuck could make even the most jaded soldier laugh," he revealed with a slight smile.

Intrigued by his willingness to talk to me, I sat in the chair next to him. Edward had information about my brother, it seemed, that I'd never heard before. I was hungry for it and gave him my full attention.

"So, you knew my brother, too?" I stared at him, waiting for him to answer.

"Yeah, I knew him," he said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"And…this Chief, he was Jake?" I asked, hungry for any information he could give me about my brother, the soldier.

"Yeah, everyone said he looked like some great Indian Chief, and the name kind of stuck," he laughed without any humor.

"Yeah, he was in line to become part of the council, so it fits," I said, smiling.

He nodded.

"Yeah, well, Rusty got his name from the color of his hair. Chief said that it looked like a rusted out Ford his grandfather used to drive, so it stuck as well," he stated, looking like he was a million miles away.

I was laughing hard, trying to imagine Jake giving the guy his nickname because of his hair. As I looked at Edward again, a nagging feeling pulled at my stomach. _Rusty colored_. Edward's hair could—_maybe_—be considered Rusty colored. I shook off the thought, because, surely, I couldn't be right.

"When we were at boot camp, Chief bet Rusty that he couldn't complete the obstacle course in less than eight minutes. Now, and this is important, the course was a nightmare. You had to crawl under barbed wire, scale a fifteen foot wall, and run a mile and a half, among other things, to complete this course. However, Rusty felt like he had something to prove, so this kid took Jake up on his bet," Edward cleared his throat.

"What happened?" I asked, mesmerized by the story. It sounded like something Jake would do. He and Emmett were always trying to find new ways to push themselves physically when we were kids.

"Rusty beat it in seven and a half minutes, much to Chief's chagrin," he said with a head shake and a smile. "He regretted it later in his career, though, because he was expected to perform at that level at all times. It took its toll on him, until he became like a machine—emotionally detached and jaded."

The way he talked about Rusty, it was like he knew him personally. No, that wasn't quite right. It was almost as if he had a direct line into the man's thoughts. _No, it can't be_.

"Do you know where I can find him?" I asked, wondering if he would confirm my suspicions.

"Bella," he murmured sadly. "I'm Rusty. Jake was my only friend in the Army, and I was there when that damn bullet hit him. I wish…"

The bottom dropped out as his words hit me. _Rusty._ He was fucking Rusty, and he'd kept it to himself the entire time. Did my mom and dad know that Edward was Jake's Army buddy—the man that Jake had said he'd looked up to while he was across the ocean serving his country? I had thought it was weird my parents had seemed to take him under their wing for no apparent reason. Maybe they did know, and I was the only person that had been left in the dark.

He'd lied. It was a lie of omission, but it was still a lie.

"Don't, okay? Just don't. I have no idea what you're playing at, but I hope to hell you've been honest with my parents. If you've been as shady with them as you have with me…" I warned, narrowing my eyes.

He raised his hands up in surrender. "I told your father the first day I was here who I was, and your mother knows, too. I wasn't trying to hide anything—it's just hard to talk about."

_Hard to talk about? Was he kidding me with this shit_?

I'd lost my brother, and that was hard to talk about. Hell, it was hard, knowing that I'd never see his smiling face ever again. Or listen to one of his jokes. Or laugh over one of the insane pranks he'd pulled. And he thought he had it rough? I'd lost a part of my family, one of the best friends I'd ever had, and one of the only men that I'd ever trusted.

I tipped my head back and screamed. _Motherfuck_. I was so tired of men and their shit.

"What is it with you guys? You think you can just do whatever you want, and there won't be any consequences to your actions. Thanks, Edward. You've effectively killed my trust in the male species."

After my speech, I left and went up to my apartment. I was pissed, because I had decided to try to not let my past affect everyone around me. Edward, though, rolled into town, got my parents to like him, hid who he was, and inserted himself in my life. I had no idea what his motivations were for being there, but I was going to find out. Jake was gone, so it was up to me to protect the family.

Thoughts of another man who had betrayed my trust floated through my head. I'd meant what I'd said to Edward…Rusty…whoever the fuck he was. Just when I was beginning to think that maybe—_maybe_—not all men were lying pigs, the rug had been pulled out from under me again. Did honest men even exist anymore? Or was that just another fairy tale?

I fell into a fitful sleep, plagued with horrible dreams. When shadowy figures weren't chasing me in the Land of Nod, I was up trying to forget about them. Around four a.m., I crashed into blackness.

~.~.~.~

"Wake up, sweetie. You're going to be all puffy if you don't get some cucumbers on those eyes," a voice said close to my ear.

My eyelids opened, and James was right in my face.

"Get off me, fucker," I said, pushing him backwards. He flopped back on the bed with a grunt.

"What are you doing here anyway? I thought I locked my door last night. Shit!" I exclaimed, throwing the covers off of me. I had totally lost it, because I always locked my door. Panicking, I shot up out of bed to check the locks.

"I, uh, picked it. Its noon and you weren't up yet. I know you could use some beauty sleep, but this is ridiculous," he admitted, eyeing me.

"You picked my lock! Are you insane?" I yelled, pushing him again. "Do you have any concept of the word privacy?"

"Indian princess, please," he said, rolling his eyes. "You and I are like peas and carrots. I can't have my Jenny sleeping such a gorgeous day away."

"Whatever, you fruit," I muttered under my breath.

"You look like you've been crying," James observed, leaning in closer. "Is everything okay?"

"Do you remember me mentioning some guy named Rusty that served with Jake?" I asked, deciding that he should know, too. He nodded his head and motioned for me to continue. "Well, it turns out Edward is Rusty. James, everyone kept that information from me, and I feel lied to."

James face twisted into a scowl, and he opened his mouth, probably to rant. However, someone was banging loudly on my door. Confused, I left James and went to answer it.

When I opened it, my mother was on the other side. She walked in and turned to me.

"What the hell is going on, Bella?" she asked, a confused expression painted on her face.

I had no clue as to what she was referring to, so all I could do was stare at her. James picked that moment to emerge from my bedroom, crossing his arms.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I mean, why is Edward in the diner right now, telling Charlie that he's thankful for our hospitality, but he's overstayed his welcome. You worked with him last night, now I want to know what happened. Right this instant," she demanded with her hands on her hips.

"Fine, you want to know?" I retorted, balling up my fists. "I found out last night that everyone has been keeping the fact that he's Rusty from me. Why, Mom? Why have all of you been hiding it?"

"Pretty boy may be a fine piece of man meat, but I'm about to scratch his eyes out. No one makes my Indian princess cry," James promised with a scowl. He started for the door, but Mom blocked his path.

"Move your ass to your own apartment and stay there. My daughter and I have a few things to discuss," Mom said, leaving no room for argument.

"I'm sorry, Mama Swan, but I have to do this," James said, shaking his head and moving toward the door.

"If you take one step down those stairs, I will cut up all your clothes and make you shop at Goodwill for a month," she warned as she stared James down.

A shocked gasp escaped his lips, draining all the fight out of James. He hung his head and shuffled his feet over to his apartment. I was going to have to remember the threat of shopping at a thrift store would render my flamboyant friend speechless.

I chuckled at James. My mother turned toward me and shot me a glare. I cleared my throat and looked at her with a serious expression.

"Explain. Now," she said, crossing her arms.

I told her about reading Jake's letter and then the story Edward had told me. She stood there, listening to every word I said. There was no judgment in her eyes, just curiosity. When I was finished, she took a deep breath.

"I can understand why you felt betrayed, sweetheart," she said, sighing. "I promise, though, nothing was kept from you intentionally. The poor man has a hard time talking about our Jake, and it breaks my heart to see him so sad. That man's mother must be heartbroken to see her son in so much pain."

"I don't think he has a family that cares about him," I admitted with a wince. "At least, that's what Jake said in one of his letters."

My mother had a look that would kill plastered across her face when I made that last statement.

"You will fix this, now. I will not have him leave here and have no family to go to. Bella…" she started, using the voice that always made Jake and I cower.

"Mom, I know. I'm sorry…I freaked out before thinking it through. You all should know by now I'm the queen of acting before thinking. I'll make it right. It's what Jake would have wanted."

I left my mother standing in my living room and made my way to Upstairs on the next floor down. As Mom had yelled at me, the fact that Jake had considered Edward one of his best friends kept ringing in my head. He would be so pissed at me if he knew that my actions were making Edward consider running off. Jake had asked him to come live in Forks, for fuck's sake. That was probably why he was in town in the first place.

Upon entering the main dining room, I saw my dad and Edward sitting in one of the back booths. Dad was talking rapidly, and Edward was shaking his head. It looked as if he was trying to convince Edward to stay, but Edward was refusing. I had a feeling I was the only person who could fix it, and I was prepared to give it my all.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked when I reached the table. Charlie looked up at me with a scowl, making me hang my head. _Yes, Dad, I've fucked up royally_, I thought. _I promise I'm here to fix it and not make it worse_.

Dad stood up and looked down at Edward. He had a sad expression on his face, and then he turned to me. I shrank back from the glare he was shooting my way, knowing he was not pleased with me at the moment. Dad pointed two fingers to his eyes and then at me, letting me know he wasn't letting us out of his sight. I slumped my shoulders as I watched him walk behind the counter, and his body language let me know that he was going to be monitoring the conversation from a distance. _Lovely_.

I slid into the seat Dad had vacated and looked over at Edward. He had his head pointed toward the table, and I noticed the sunlight in his hair caused it to look a little redder. I closed my eyes and chastised myself internally. It was not the time to be waxing poetically about his hair.

"Mom said you're leaving. Is this true?" I asked in a small voice.

"Yes, it is. I seem to have overstayed my welcome," he muttered, refusing to look at me.

"Fuck," I rubbed my forehead. "No one wants you to leave."

"You do. You made that very clear last night," he said, looking out the window.

"Well, you shouldn't listen to me, or pay attention to me for that matter. I'm a jaded bitch who hurts people, even when I don't mean to," I said as stared at the table.

"Even so, I make you uncomfortable," he admitted with a grimace. My eyes went wide with that confession. I had thought I had been pretty sly about that fact.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and it's a lame excuse to say it was hard for me to talk about, but it's true. You don't know how many times I've wished I was the one who died that day and not your brother. I'm sorry I can't go back and change it," he whispered, gripping the table tightly.

His words made me mad.

"If you were as good of a friend to Jake as you claim, you wouldn't say shit like that," I lectured, sitting up straighter.

"But it's the fucking truth," he seethed, making eye contact for the first time since we'd started talking. "I'm nothing, and I have no idea why your brother picked me for his friend."

"Bullshit. Jake cared about you—anyone that read his letters could see that. And, yeah, Jake liked everyone, but he only cared about a few people in his life…would only die for a few people. Did you know you were on that list? In one of his letters, he told me that if he had the chance, he would take a fucking bullet for you. So yeah, sit here and tell me you're nothing, basically spitting on everything my brother represented," I bellowed, crossing my arms.

Edward sagged back against his seat, looking defeated.

"Now, if we're through talking about how worthless you are—which, by the way, you're not—we can talk about you leaving. Jake, for whatever reason, saw something in you. He chose you as a friend, so, if you really want to honor him, then stay. Dad and I can really use the help, and I don't think Jake would want anyone else in that apartment but you. I'm also curious as to what my brother saw in you, so you and I are going to be spending some time getting to know each other. I owe that to Jake, and I plan on making good on it."

And what I had said was true. After I'd gotten over my initial shock, I realized that if Jake had been friends with Edward, then there had to be something more to him that just the man I'd seen so far.

I ran my hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face. It was then I noticed I was still in my pajamas from the previous night—a small pink cami with matching short shorts. My face heated up in embarrassment, and I closed my eyes tightly.

When I opened them again, I caught Edward staring at my chest. _Typical fucking male_.

"If you haven't figured it out already, I've forgiven you. However, if you don't get your eyes off my tits, I'm going to castrate you," I promised with a glare. His eyes shot up to mine, and he smiled sheepishly.

"So, since you're staying," I said, eyeing him to make sure he _was_ staying. He nodded his head, confirming that he was. "You should probably tell my parents. I will be murdered if they think I wasn't able to talk you out of going. Help a girl out, please."

He chuckled. "Thanks, Bella."

I smiled, nodding my head. "I'm going to change, and I'll see you later."

"Sure…later," he said with an amused expression.

I got up from the table and walked away, feeling eyes on my ass. I knew the fucker was watching me walk away, but for the first time in a while, I couldn't find it in me to care. I'd done what I'd promised my brother, and Edward was staying.

~.~.~.~

Once everything had been cleared up, and my parents realized that I hadn't run Rusty off, I was allowed to go back up to my apartment. I changed quickly, kicking myself for not paying attention to what I was wearing. If I was honest with myself, however, the thought of Edward leaving had upset me. It was because of that I'd rushed down to stop him, and the fact that I cared about what Edward did, at all, confused me.

James was already behind the bar when I got to work, and I had a few things I needed to tell him.

"Next time you want me…knock, asshole. Breaking into people's apartments is against the law and will probably get you shot," I said, sticking my finger in his face.

"Oh, please. You love me too much to kill me," James asserted, swatting my hand away.

"Even so, quit it. I'm sure if you pull that shit on Edward, he _will_ kill you."

"So, you've kissed and made up with soldier sexy then. Good thing, too. I was worried I'd have to send back the invitations," he said.

"You didn't," I warned, my voice raising a couple of octaves. "Just this morning you were ready to claw his eyes out, and now you're sending out invitations? Are you insane, or are you trying to make me crazy?"

"Whatever. He obviously was able to melt that piece of ice you call a heart, so I'm just moving things along. Besides, if he makes you cry again, I'll just go Rocky Balboa on his ass," he waved his hand like it was no big deal.

I snorted. "Yeah, and I'm sure with his Army training, all he'd have to do is bitch slap you to make you wail like a bitch."

"Honey, I may be gay, but I am no cream puff. I am a fierce bitch."

"Sure you are. Get back to work, Hedwig," I playfully shoved him toward the bar.

"What is it with you and the drag queens? Do I look like I chopped off the beast to gain access into this country? No, I did not. He's large, proud, and intact," James lectured, pointing to the aforementioned "beast."

I rolled my eyes. "We watch way too many movies."

"Anyway, where is our resident hottie?" he asked as he looked around.

"Charlie gave him the night off. I'm sure it was to give him a break from you," I taunted.

"Fuck you, I'm fabulous. One day that man will realize he really bats for the other team, and he will be begging to get with this," he said, rubbing his hands all over his torso.

"Keep dreaming, Alig. Did you know I caught him ogling my tits earlier?" I asked, wanting to get him flustered.

"Slut," he said, eyeing me up and down. "Flaunting your body. You should be ashamed of yourself."

I laughed and went to the other end of the bar. It was hard to tell if James was serious about wanting Edward, or if he was just fucking with me. It didn't matter, though, because I was off men. I had decided I was going to be one of those women who had millions of cats and would scream at kids to get out of her flower bed. Yes, I was going to be Crazy Bella one day.

As I worked, I tried to figure out the best way to get to know Edward. Since he had been important to Jake, it was like I needed to do it. If nothing else, I could see us becoming friends. James was insane to suggest there could ever be anything more. While I wasn't ugly, I wasn't a knock out either. I was just Bella, and I had always been fine with that. Edward was the type of man that deserved someone gorgeous—a plan began to form in my head. Maybe I could find him someone? He was obviously lonely, and I was sure a few dates would help with that.

The only thing was…Forks wasn't crawling with a lot of single women. Sure, Mom, Dad, and I could be the family he didn't have. He had already been adopted by my parents, and being a sister to him—_yeah, that doesn't even sound right in my head_. So, being his sister was out. I guess friends it was, then.

The rest of the night, I tried to think of anyone that would be good for Rusty, but I was having trouble with it. No one seemed good enough or whatever. The fact that my brother had vouched for him in his letters meant that she had to be over the top spectacular, and I didn't know anyone that could fit that description.

Damn it. I was never going to get James to give up his obsession with Edward and me. I just knew it.

After work, I decided to start the whole getting-to-know-Edward thing. I thought that maybe I'd invite him to the diner for lunch or something the next day. _People need to eat, right?_

I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer it. When he did, my eyes bugged out of my head. Standing there in only a towel was something I could only imagine in a dream. Edward was still wet, possibly from a shower, and he looked at me with a smirk.

"Uh, hey. I…just, um. Fuck," I said, wide-eyed.

"What was that?" he asked with that devilish smile still in place. Bastard knew exactly what he was doing. Well, Mr. Looks-Good-in-a-Towel-and-Knows-It, two can play that game. I reached down and began toying with the hem of my shirt, pulling it up slightly. His eyes were glued to my movements.

"I just wanted to see if you were busy for lunch tomorrow. I thought the sooner we get to know each other, the better," I said, batting my eye lashes.

My hand moved my shirt up a little further, exposing my navel. I looked down and noticed that there was a slight tenting in the front of his towel. I licked my lips and looked back up at him.

_Bingo! Game, set, and match, motherfucker_.

"Uh, no. I don't have any plans tomorrow. I can be there whenever," he said with his eyes still on my stomach.

"Great, I'll see you at noon then," I said with a false bright tone. He nodded his head, not making a move to leave.

I turned, looking down into the empty hall. "Hey James, come here a minute!" I called out into the nothingness. A look of pure terror crossed Edward's face, and he moved back, slamming the door in my face. I had to run to my apartment before the giggles could escape, giving me away.

Once I was behind my door, I let loose and laughed until I was crying. It was so mean, but I couldn't help myself. Edward's aversion to James' behavior was too funny, and I knew I was going to be using it to mess with poor Rusty for a long time.

_Welcome to the family_, I thought.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We know alot of you hated Bella, but honestly, she's trying. Now that everything is outin the open, things are going to start get interesting. Promise.

You can find us on Twitter under the names d_inspiration and shelikethesound where we post chapter teasers, drink recipes for the chapter names, and even slip every now and then about future happenings in the story. We can't help it. We just love these characters so much. Until next time!


	7. Crazy Maker

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **You guys are friggin' awesome! Line up, we have hugs. And by you, we mean everyone who reads, alerts, reviews, recs, comments, and plays with the characters on Twitter. By you, we also mean the wonderful and super-huggable Dust Team – nowforruin, jointgifts, sherryola, and Dinx.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 – Crazy Maker<strong>

Bella was going to make me fucking crazy. And give me whiplash. I'd be a crazy person with whiplash.

_Awesome._

I checked that the door was actually locked because I sure as hell didn't need James to wander in while I was just in a towel. He'd do it, too, the nutcase. Either he was taking a class on personal boundaries, or I was getting myself a shot gun. Hell, I was thinking about getting a shotgun anyway. I had always liked guns, and even after everything, I still did. I wasn't obsessed, but I appreciated them. Maybe I could take up hunting. Forks seemed like a good place for it.

Figuring it might be a good idea to get some sleep, I went through the apartment – _my_ apartment – and into the bedroom. I tossed the towel into the hamper and wriggled my ass. I wasn't sure if I could actually taunt James when he wasn't present, but what the hell. No way was he ever seeing my naked ass, so this kind of taunting would have to do.

Collapsing into bed, I relished in the luxury of being able to sleep naked. I hadn't done that in a very long time, either due to lack of privacy or because I was in some shady motel where the bedding probably wasn't clean. Having a place of my own really was the best thing that had happened in a really long time. My back really liked it, too. We hadn't been this good friends since Afghanistan.

I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would find me. Instead, my thoughts went back to the pretty firecracker. The last few days had been…interesting. I hadn't tried to keep from her that I had known Jake. Hell, I'd have thought Charlie would have told her since he'd told Sue. I didn't blame Bella for how she had reacted, though, because from her point of view it probably had looked like everyone was trying to keep it from her. When it came to Jake, we were all sensitive. But as far as to coming clean to Bella, part of it might have had to do with the fact that, out of everyone, she had been the one that had had the greatest influence on me in Afghanistan. Unknown to her and Jake, it was hearing what she wrote that had kept me sane. Somewhere in my mind, confessing to knowing Jake had also meant confessing to eavesdropping on him reading her letters out loud, and that was not something I was ready to confess just yet. I was a sad enough bastard as it was.

My thoughts were going in circles, so I started counting sheep instead. Only in my mind, the sheep exploded as they jumped over a fence. I admitted to being completely fucked up before I finally fell asleep.

I dreamt about Bella storming into the diner only wearing that little pink cami and the even smaller shorts. That had been some sight. I was still smiling when I stretched and opened my eyes.

_What the fuck?_

I was...I was…I was having a goddamn nightmare, that was what I was. My right hand was chained to the headboard, and I yanked at the restraint while I turned my head. Handcuffs. What the hell? I looked around while trying to decide if I should panic or just stay in the confused state I was currently in.

At the foot of the bed sat an amused James, stuffing his face with popcorn. "Morning, my dove. Thanks for last night. I can see that I completely wore you out."

"What the…fucking hell…what are you doing here? And why the hell am I handcuffed to the bed?" I sputtered, yanking at the handcuff again. I then realized that the sheet supposed to cover me was dangerously low on my body. Glaring at James, I pulled it up with my free hand.

Naturally, the fucker just laughed and threw a piece of popcorn at me. It hit my nose. "Yeah, like I didn't already look. I'm not stupid; I know to take advantage of the chances I'm given. And you're supposed to open your mouth, you know," he said.

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. "What the hell are you talking about? And if you don't unlock these handcuffs right now, I'll fucking shoot your diva ass."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, lovely butt. So obsessed with my ass. But anyway, I think I'll take some more photos now that you're awake. You look very pretty asleep, but I like you better awake – there's such a fire in your eyes," James said and stood up, revealing a camera.

"I swear to fucking God that if you snap as much as one picture of me, you'll end up in a ditch somewhere," I threatened.

"But I need something for my walls!" he argued. "Deep inside this gorgeous body there's a teenage girl wanting to cover her walls with posters of you and Justin Bieber."

"Who?" I asked before I could help myself. "Wait, never mind. Just fucking unlock these things. Now! And then get the hell out of my apartment! It's against the law to break into people's houses, you know."

"Privacy is like dessert wine, you know. It's nice in small doses, but if you overdo it, it'll taste really awful coming back up," James said and snapped the photo that signed his own death sentence.

"What?" I rolled my eyes and fell back against the pillows. What had I done to deserve this? I hadn't shot any civilians or humiliated prisoners. I had attended school like a good boy as a kid, never disrespected my mom…much, and once I even helped a little, old lady across the street. Why was I being punished like this?

"The Indian princess didn't like it when I picked her lock, either. You're such prudes – a match made in heaven," James continued his rambling. "I bet when you get married, you'll be one of those couples who always keep their front door locked and only have sex when the bedroom door is closed. You wouldn't know adventure if it came up and bit you in your gorgeous asses."

I sighed tiredly. "Not only have you broken into my home and chained me up, you are also giving me a fucking migraine. Get the fuck out now!"

"Well, you're no fun, even if you do look like a Greek god. I thought we were going to have that Tom Cruise marathon. Why do you think I brought popcorn?"

"Because you are fucking insane! Get. Out. Now."

"You'll miss me when I'm gone," he told me confidently.

"Not fucking likely," I said, snorting.

"All right, have it your way, big daddy bunny. But I'm taking the popcorn," he said, snapping one last photo and walking out quietly.

_Thank fucking God. _

I covered my face with my hands. Or, rather covered my face with my hand… "James! Get back here and unlock the handcuffs!"

I waited. And waited. But the fucker didn't come back. _Fucking__hell._Now what? I craned my neck and looked at the handcuffs. They were pink and fluffy, of course. What else would they be? They were also not very breakable, leaving me utterly fucked. I looked at the bedside table, but there was no cell phone. I groaned and closed my eyes. I'd starve to death, chained naked to my bed, and they'd find my rotting corpse sometime next year. Or come laugh at me when I didn't show up for work tonight. One or the other. _Fucking__James_.

Should I try yelling for help? No one was up there except for James and…fuck. Bella. That would be just what I needed – the pretty firecracker finding me like this. But what was my alternative? I needed to get free so I could go buy a gun and shoot James.

As I was pondering my situation, I heard a knock on the front door. Swallowing all my pride, I yelled that the door was open…at least I hoped it was open. For all I knew, James had locked it again. I seriously needed a deadbolt on my door.

"Hello? Edward?" It was Bella.

"In the bedroom," I called out.

"Are you decent?" she asked from outside the door.

I snorted. "As decent as I can be under the circumstances. Come on in."

The door opened, and Bella stuck her head in. Her eyes widened when she saw me. "Um, you want to get dressed maybe?"

"Can't," I said, sighing and rattling the handcuffs. "I woke up chained to the bed after the mentally unstable stalker across the hall had broken in here while I was sleeping."

Her lips twitched, and she covered her mouth with her hand. It didn't help much as laughter rang out a moment later. "I'm sorry," she said between giggles. "It's really not funny, but…damn!"

I blew out a breath and let her get it all out. This town was fucked up, there was no question about it.

"Okay, I'm done now," Bella finally said, trying to keep a straight face. "He actually picked the lock to my place yesterday. I was angry, too, though he didn't chain me to the bed."

Another giggle escaped. "The key and note saying – and this is a direct quote – 'Fingerapplelovemuffinface needs your assistance'makes a lot more sense now. But what do I get out of unlocking the handcuffs?"

I groaned. "Not you, too. It's like a disease in this town. What did I do to you people?"

Bella laughed again. "Nothing. Hey, is the P.S on the note true? Do you sleep naked? And if you do, how does James know?"

"Well, I'm guessing the creepy stalker told the truth and took a look under the sheet before I woke up. Do you want to see, too? In fact, why don't we invite the whole damn town into my bedroom? No reason for them to get cheated out of seeing the dumbass cuffed to the bed, right? No wonder this fucking town isn't bigger, if this is how all newcomers get treated. Motherfucking Christ, someone send me the fuck right back to Afghanistan please!" I fell back against the pillows after my rant and closed my eyes.

"You know, you're as much of a diva as James is," Bella said calmly after a moment. "If you're done acting up, I'll just unlock those cuffs."

I sighed, ignoring the diva comparison for the moment. Now that I was this close to getting free, I wasn't about to mess it up. "Thank you."

"No problem, neighbor," Bella replied as she leaned in to unlock the handcuffs. She smelled like spring, and I greedily inhaled my favorite season.

When she had freed my wrist, I sat up. The sheet fell down, and I noticed her gaze linger a moment before she looked away. I chuckled. _Busted._

She blushed. "Um…I'm gonna…go. We still on for lunch?"

"Yes," I replied as I started to slowly bend and stretch my leg. My knee had to cooperate quickly because I seriously needed to piss. "I'll be there after I've either shot James or reported him to the police. Not sure what would be best yet."

"He…" She cleared her throat and averted her gaze. I supposed I could have pulled up the sheet, but it was my bedroom – why should I have to cover anything? "He's really not as bad as he makes himself out to be. Sure, he's a giant pain in the ass, but he'd never hurt a fly. Certain words just aren't in his vocabulary – like privacy, for instance."

"If you say so. But breaking into people's homes is illegal," I pointed out. My knee was not my friend, and I grimaced as I kept moving it. Stupid piece of crap joint.

"I know. Just please don't do anything before I've had a chance to talk to him, okay?" she asked.

I sighed. "Sure."

"Thank you. See you at lunch. Um, you might want to get dressed for that," she suggested with a giggle.

I snorted. "Yeah, look who's talking. I might not be dressed, but I'm in my own bedroom. That's more than you could say yesterday. I mean, don't get me wrong, you looked-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you," she interrupted. "And don't be late."

"Yes, ma'am," I muttered sarcastically and watched Bella turn around to leave before I pulled the sheet around me and slowly stood up. My knee protested when I put weight on it, and I let out some of the more colorful profanities I knew. Feeling like you were ninety sucked. I hobbled into the bathroom as quickly as I could while I cursed the whole morning. Who the hell needed mornings anyway?

I went to the hardware store to buy a deadbolt before lunch. Maybe Bella was right when she said that James was harmless, but no way was he picking my lock again. I even had time to get Charlie's permission to put it up and actually install it before heading downstairs for my lunch date. Heh. Lunch date. With Bella. I half-expected Jake to start haunting me, even if it wasn't a romantic kind of date.

When I entered the diner, Bella was already there. She waved me to a booth in the back where she had a table laden with food. Had she invited half the town?

"I was half-afraid I'd have to come unlock you from somewhere," she greeted me with a teasing grin.

I sat down across from her and smiled wryly. "No need for that anymore. I just installed a deadbolt, so the crazy stalker won't be picking my lock again."

"Yeah, I need one of those, too," she said with a nod. "Much as I love him, I do like my privacy. If I bribe you with all this food, would you install one on my door, too?"

"There's very little I won't do for coleslaw," I admitted, eyeing the burgers with fries and coleslaw.

Bella looked curiously at me. "Jake used to say the same thing."

"I know. During basic training, we'd go and eat at this little diner just off the base, and it got to the point that they made extra coleslaw on the days when they knew we might be stopping by for a meal. We were quite legendary," I said, noticing that the more I talked about Jake, the less it hurt.

Bella giggled. "Jake and his food…it was something he took very seriously, wasn't it? He used to complain in his letters about the food when he was overseas."

I wrinkled my nose. "Compared to this, what they serve over there is pretty much just slobber. They tell you that it's chicken stew or tomato soup, but it all just looks and tastes the same."

"Well, dig in," she said. "There's nothing slobbery about my mom's food. And I went with Jake's favorites. I thought it was appropriate…"

I smiled at her. We ate in surprisingly comfortable silence for a while. The burger and the coleslaw were heavenly, and I fell a little bit in love with the chocolate milkshake.

"Jake and I used to come here every day after school when we were kids," Bella said suddenly. "Mom and Dad were both working here, and they liked to be able to keep an eye on us. We'd sit in this booth eating snacks while supposedly doing our homework."

"Supposedly?" I asked with raised eyebrows. I wasn't surprised to hear that Jake had been slacking off with the books, but I couldn't imagine Bella not doing what she was supposed to.

She laughed. "Yeah, we would prop our school books up like we were reading them, but Jake would be planning pranks or reading comics that he'd put inside the book. I'd do the same, only with novels. Jake taught me how to stray from the boring path pretty early."

I smiled sadly and leaned back in my seat. "One of the things I admired most about Jake was how he was always true to himself. Like if something was boring, he wouldn't waste his time on it. And if he liked something, he'd pour his whole heart into it."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Most people only saw Jake for his pranks and jokes, but there was so much more to him. One thing that I try to take with me and use every day is the loyalty he showed his family, his friends, and his country. You can't ask for more than loyalty, can you?"

I shook my head. "No."

It was admirable that she cherished the very thing that got him killed. Had he not had such a sense of loyalty to his country, he would have been tending the bar downstairs the day the sniper had shot at our vehicle.

"Will you tell me more about my brother – the soldier?" Bella asked. "In his letters…he always made it sound like everyone was a better soldier than he was, especially you, but he can't have been that bad, right?"

I looked at her wide-eyed. "I…I'm not going to lie. I'm surprised. I had no idea he was being humble to the point of ridiculous. Bella, he was…he was brave, efficient, loyal…I don't even have the words. He was the kind of soldier we all secretly wanted to be. I mean, sure, he never saw it as a career, and that's why I made sergeant and he didn't. But rank…well, it's not really important in the grand scheme of things. Being happy and true to yourself is. Jake had something that was far more important. He wasn't just great in combat, which is something you can learn. He was great in the down periods. He kept our spirits up when we were about to go stir crazy. You can't learn that, and it's as important as knowing how to keep your cool in combat. In my eyes, that makes him at least twice the soldier I ever was."

"Now who's being humble to the point of ridiculous?" Bella asked after a moment. She smiled softly. "I appreciate what you're saying about Jake, and in a way I understand why he was being humble, but he did admire you something fierce, Edward. So while I understand the need to be humble, don't put yourself down to make Jake sound better."

"I'm not," I objected. "I'm not putting myself down by acknowledging that Jake had something special. I don't blame him for not seeing the Army as a career, but had he done so, he could have been the kind of leader that you can only dream of having. It's a rare quality, and it helped a lot of people around him in keeping the morale up.

"Actually," I continued slowly, deciding to be completely honest. "You helped him do that."

"Me? How did I do that?" she asked.

"Your letters. You know that he read them, or at least parts of them, out loud to everyone, right? Well, the way that he talked about you…at least in my mind, you became the epitome of home in many ways, even though I'd never met you. Your words about sometimes mundane stuff that we all take for granted here, but that you cherish the memory of when you're over there, they just…they kept us afloat. They kept me afloat. In your letters, your belief in Jake never faltered for a second, and I think everyone who heard just a tiny bit of one of your letters borrowed that belief when things got tough. When things got so muddled that we barely knew what we were fighting for, we could at least fight for you. For home."

Bella was biting her lip, and I really hoped I hadn't fucked up. Again. A lone tear ran down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away.

"I…" She cleared her throat. "I had no idea. I mean, I knew he read them out loud, but I thought that was just something you guys did. I just…I just wanted to make Jake smile, that's all."

"You did," I said, smiling. "And in the process you made a lot of other guys smile, too. On behalf of all of us, thank you."

She shook her head and laughed. "You are full of surprises, Edward 'Rusty' Cullen."

Moving on to lighter subjects while we ate Sue's awesome cherry pie, Bella told me about the pranks Jake and Emmett had pulled together as kids. Some of them had me howling with laughter, and I wished I had known Jake as a kid. Hell, Emmett, too, because he seemed to be Jake's twin in spirit.

Sue came over with coffee and sat down for a few minutes.

"How are you finding the apartment, Edward?" she asked me.

"It's amazing. Thank you so much for offering it to me," I replied gratefully. "Having my own space, not to mention a decent bed, is beyond amazing. I haven't been on such good terms with my back in months."

Sue squeezed my hand and smiled. "I'm glad, dear. Healing is important. Remember that when you're working, too."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, returning the smile. "But honestly, it's been fine."

"All right then. I better get back to the kitchen before Leah burns something. The girl is a great cook when she pays attention, but when she doesn't…" Sue grimaced and then left.

I sipped my coffee and looked over at Bella, only to find her looking curiously at me. I raised my eyebrows and put my coffee back down on the table. "What?"

"What happened to your back? And your leg?" she asked. "I saw you this morning. Did you get hurt over there? Is that why you're not in the Army anymore?"

I nodded. "I um, got hurt that day, too. After…there was a roadside bomb. I'm not sure exactly what happened after it went off. I was in a coma and didn't wake up until I had been transported to Walter Reed. They almost had to amputate my leg because my knee got blown to hell. I also hurt my back, but my knee is the reason that I got discharged."

"Oh God, I'm so fucking sorry, Edward. I've been so wrapped up in Jake's death that I never even thought about anyone else getting hurt," she said, covering her eyes briefly. "Are you okay now? Did anyone else get hurt?"

"You worried about what you had to worry about. Don't feel bad about not carrying anyone else's load, too," I said. "Three other guys died. Apart from me, eight were injured. I…I've gotten emails from some of them, but I haven't read them yet. It's too hard."

"Twelve other families were affected, just from one…_incident_. It's mindboggling," she said, shaking her head.

I downed my coffee and sighed. Actually, only eleven families had been affected. My family had probably only agreed that it was my own fault and then continued with whatever life they led these days.

I purposely changed the subject, and we ended our overall successful lunch on a lighter note. Bella then went to the hardware store to get a deadbolt for her door, and I installed it before we went to work, where we ganged up on the crazy stalker. It was like we were becoming friends, and I liked it. Jake would have approved, I thought with a smile.

While serving drinks to thirsty people that night, I couldn't help but wonder if Jake also wouldn't have gotten a trip out of James. I knew they hadn't known each other, but the high-strung diva was actually pretty hilarious when he didn't chain you to your bed, and Jake would have been howling with laughter at him.

Work had already become so much of a routine that I could let my thoughts fly while I did it. I only had to plaster on a smile for the customers, and then I could switch to automatic mode. Like I had told Bella, I still had some unopened emails in my inbox that I needed to find the courage to look at. I hadn't told her about the one from Jake. I wasn't sure why, but even though I knew it wasn't an email filled with heartfelt words, it was still the last thing Jake would ever tell me, and it was just too personal to share with anyone. I also still had to deal with Jasper. I had a feeling he'd be trying to contact me again. And I needed to go back to the cemetery. I had a lot of fucking issues I needed to deal with.

But was there really any hurry? Despite all the crap I needed to deal with, I was more content than I had been in a really long time. I had a job that I didn't hate, I had a place to live, and if you didn't count Handcuff Dude and the Rosalie the Ice Queen, there were a lot of really nice people in this town. Most of the customers at the bar were really nice and talkative without being nosy. I liked that.

I could almost hear Jake say "I told you so," but had he been there, I would have readily admitted to him that there was a certain charm to small town life. And to his credit, when he had been singing Forks' praises, he hadn't known about James.

Charlie had been pitching in while Bella and James took their break. When they came back, he moved to the other side of the counter and sat down.

"Getting another perspective?" I asked him with a smile.

He chuckled. "That and I felt like sitting down. Pour me a whiskey, son."

I got the man his drink, and the next time I came back to his end of the bar, he had been joined by Emmett.

"Hey, Emmett. What can I get you?" I asked. I liked him – especially when he didn't bring the Ice Queen, who had yet to stop looking at me like I had killed her puppy.

"Eddie, my man! How's it hanging? I'll have a pint of Guinness. Charlie put it on tap just for me – or at least that's what I tell myself," he said, grinning.

Charlie laughed, and I heard them start talking about hunting while I got Emmett his beer.

"Hey, Edward. Do you hunt by any chance?" Charlie asked me. "Or have you had enough of firearms?"

"Can't say that I do, but I was considering it this morning, actually," I replied. "I figured it might be a good area to try it out."

"It is," Charlie replied with a nod. "Emmett and I go a lot. Jake wasn't much of a fan. He had too much trouble keeping his mouth shut. We only ever took him hunting once. I hope he was different in the Army."

I chuckled. "Most of the time."

Emmet laughed, and Charlie snorted. "That's our boy."

"If you're better than Jake at shutting up for five minutes at a time, you should come with us," Emmett said to me.

"I'd like that," I said. "Thanks."

Between customers, I listened in on their conversation about where they were planning to go hunting. My admiration for Charlie Swan seemed to grow every day. I had never met a man who so naturally took people in. I didn't know if Emmett didn't have a dad, or just was as blessed in that department as I was, but everything suggested that he looked at Charlie as a father figure. Charlie also appeared to be a man of importance in James' life, and he had accepted me into his life without hesitation. Bella was lucky, and Jake had been too. There was no question about it.

Just before closing time, James came over and presented me with a cupcake. He was grinning like an idiot, and I stared at him like he was one, too.

"A cupcake for the cupcake," he said, holding the treat out toward me. "I'm sorry about picking your lock this morning. I promise I won't publish the photos on the internet. I may just print one and hang it over my bed. That would be okay, right?"

"No, that would definitely not be okay!" I told him, rolling my eyes.

"Well, boo," he said with a pout. "You really are no fun, pickle pie."

"You're lucky I haven't reported you to the police," I said and started to wipe the counter.

"Hm…I'm not sure I'd say that I'm lucky. There's a deputy with a gorgeous ass that I wouldn't mind handcuffing me," he said thoughtfully. "Anyway, please, please, _please_ accept my apology. You'll break my heart if you don't. You don't want to cause such a tragedy to happen do you, poo bear? Here, take the cupcake. It's for you!"

I looked at it. "Did you poison it?"

"No! How can you even ask that? I may look at your naked junk while you sleep, but I don't go around poisoning people. What do you take me for?" he asked, wide-eyed.

I snorted. "You don't want to know."

"Hmpf. Please accept the cupcake and my sincere promise that I will never pick the lock to your apartment again," he begged.

I didn't trust the guy as far as I could kick him with my bad leg. "Keep the cupcake, man. I already know you won't pick my lock again. I've got a deadbolt, and I sure as hell am going to be using it."

"A deadbolt? You'll be keeping out little old me with a deadbolt?" he asked and clutched his chest. "My heart just broke. I hope you're happy now."

I rolled my eyes and got back to work. The guy was insane. Entertaining, but insane. I heard him wail to Bella about how I was being cruel because I'd gotten a deadbolt. I couldn't wait for him to find out that she had gotten one, too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**We hoped you enjoyed the craziness. Have a wonderful weekend! (And to Sunny – I hope you did well at your test! The diva was crossing his fingers for you while preparing that Tom Cruise marathon he owes you.)

On Twitter, we're **shelikethesound** and **d_inspiration**.


	8. Barney on Acid

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Time for another chapter!

We continue to appreciate all the love you have for this story. Whether it's in a review, a rec, an alert, a twitter mention, or just by simply reading. We love them all. We adore our Dust Team—jointgifts, sherryola, nowforruin, and Dinx—for all of the hard work they put into this story.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**Barney on Acid**

"James, just let it go," I said with a sigh.

"But…but, Bella-boo, he put a deadbolt on his door. How am I going to get him to watch the deliciousness that is Tom Cruise with me now, huh? Jumbo Cock won't do it any other way," James said with a pout.

"Well, you'll just have to…wait a minute." I whipped around to face him. "You looked, didn't you? How else would you know he's gifted in that department?"

"Of course I looked. It sounds like you were a pervert and had a peek, too. What I want to know is how you accomplished it. Did you beg him, or did you jump on the hobby horse?" He thrust his hips for emphasis.

"Fuck you, moron. Unlike you, I saw it by accident." I shook my head, walking away from him. "The sheet fell when I unlocked him from the bed rail."

We stopped outside James' apartment. After he'd tried to give Edward that pathetic cupcake, and was turned down, he'd been bugging me about why Edward had refused it. The overdramatic gay man was starting to get on my nerves, and I was about ready to punch him. Usually, his antics amused me. The way he was not only screwing with Edward, but me, as well, was starting to be a little much. If I was honest with myself, it was more than that.

Earlier, at the diner, I saw the man Jake had written about in his letters. He was a good guy who was humble and thought very little of himself. I could imagine what type of soldier he had been and why my brother had admired him. The fact that he'd made a horrible first impression on me meant nothing at the moment. He had been someone Jake cared deeply about, and it made me ache to think he didn't have anyone else in the world that cared for him.

My thoughts were cut off with more whining. "Fine, be that way. You know…you deserve each other. Neither one of you would know what fun is if it smacked you in the face."

"Goodnight, James," I called out as I walked away. "Oh, and you can forget about the early wake up call. Edward put a deadbolt on my door, too."

A shocked gasp left his mouth as I unlocked my door and went inside. I heard him call me a "traitorous bitch," but I ignored his words. I was in for a night of blissful sleep. No amount of theatrics was going to ruin it.

The next few days passed by, spending my off with Rosalie getting ready for her wedding, visiting the cemetery, and working with James and Rusty. James was still mad at me, so he had taken to ignoring me. It was fine by me—I ignored his pouty ass right back. Most nights I ended up working at Edward's end of the bar. It had become easier to form a friendship with him since I'd found out who he was. I found that I liked him outside of his connection of my brother, too. He was funny, sarcastic, honest, loyal, and was fast becoming my best friend. The fact that he was easy on the eyes didn't hurt either. I had caught a glimpse of what he was packing, and I knew he was going to make some lucky lady very happy one day.

Thinking about him finding someone to settle down with made me kind of sad. It wasn't that I didn't want him to find love, because I did. I knew, even if we hadn't acknowledged it, his family wasn't around or didn't give a damn about him. However, it was more that I'd finally let someone who hadn't been like family, or was interested in females, behind my wall. That was major enough, and I wasn't ready to lose him to another girl yet. Yes, it was selfish, but I didn't care.

Edward had agreed to come to lunch again on Thursday, and I had everything ready, like the last time, when he arrived.

"Christ, Bella, you do realize that if you keep feeding me like this, I won't be able to fit into the booths anymore," Edward pointed out as he slid into his seat.

I laughed and sat down on the other side. "Aw, are you turning down the coleslaw? That's okay—means more for me," I said, leaning over the table to scoop it off his plate.

"Back off, or you'll lose a finger." He swatted at my hand. "I'm serious when it comes to my coleslaw, woman."

I raised my arms in surrender. "Fine, I was just trying to save you from hardened arteries and a fat ass. Jeeze."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Sure you were. I'm onto you…just so you know."

"Whatever, Cabbagehead," I smiled a big, toothy grin.

"What?" he asked, chuckling.

"See, you eat a fuck ton of coleslaw," He nodded, waving his hand for me to continue. "And coleslaw is made of cabbage. Since it's said that you are what you eat, you my friend, are a Cabbagehead. End of story." I punctuated the last word with a bite of my burger.

He threw his head back and laughed hard. "Swan, you are without a doubt…"

"Ahem," James said, standing next to our table and interrupting Edward.

"What do you want?" I asked in a monotone voice. I wasn't in the mood for James and his pity party.

"Well, looks like the two of you have gotten quite cozy. So, am I going to be an Auntie yet, or are we still pretending like you two aren't the cutest couple ever?" James crossed his arms and stuck out his bottom lip.

"Fucking hell, James. Will you forget about this crazy plan you've come up with? Bella and I are just friends," he said in an exasperated tone.

I reached across the table and grabbed Edward's hand, having decided to fuck with James a bit.

"Aw, Love Muffin, don't you think it's time we let out our little secret? Or are you ashamed of me?" I said, trying to hold the laughter in.

"But..but…" Edward sputtered, looking back and forth between me and the diva.

I turned toward James, so I could see his face. "Well, it is pretty new. Last night, well, we just couldn't hold back any longer."

Edward shot me a panicked look that I caught out of the corner of my eye, making me kick his leg under the table. I gave him a look that said, "play along, dumbass." He cleared his throat.

"Yeah," he said with a smile.

"Actually, you're interrupting the 'morning after' meal, so if you'll excuse us…" I said, letting that statement trail off.

James let out a very unmanly squeal. I covered my ears, and Edward cringed. "Thank God. I thought I was going to have to lock you both in the cooler or something. Bella, I want details."

"Of course. We'll have coffee sometime next week, James. Now, go away so I can bask in my post-coital afterglow," I said as a brush off.

Edward gazed at me with wide eyes—a blush covered his face and neck.

"Oh! Baby Cullen needs some clothes. She can't come into this world without the proper outfit!" he exclaimed, causing the patrons in the diner to look at us. Edward sunk low in the booth and covered his face.

"I'm not pregnant, idiot," I chastised in a monotone.

"You keep riding that fine soldier right there, and you will be." James pointed at Edward with a smug expression.

"Get out of here before I stab you with my fork." I held the utensil up.

"Okay, I'm going. Ugh. There are no good baby clothes stores in this town. Looks like I'm taking a road trip to Port Angeles. Maybe I can talk Emmy bear into going with me. Later, Indian Princess." James waved and skipped out of the restaurant.

"You do that. Talk to you later," I said to James retreating form.

I chanced a glance at Edward, and I didn't know what to make of the look on his face. I wasn't sure if he was embarrassed, pissed, or…turned on. That last one I wasn't sure of, so I let it go.

"All right, give it to me. How pissed are you?" I asked, hoping I hadn't taken things too far.

"I, uh…" he said as his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and rubbed his hand over his face. "I'm not mad, but why did you say you'd meet him for coffee? We, uh, didn't do anything and uh…"

"Oh," I said as I realized what he was getting at. "That's no problem. I'll just talk you up and make you the greatest lover ever. James will either be jealous or ecstatic. It's hard to tell with him sometimes."

"Why do you need to tell him anything?" he asked, whining.

"He's not going to let it go until I do, so I might as well give it to him."

"Yeah, um, you're probably right."

"Don't worry. He should leave you alone for a while now. He's going to be busy clothing our children," I said with a laugh.

He chuckled and then had a serious expression on his face. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Yep."

"Oh God," he muttered, holding his head in his hands. "When he finds out you lied, he's going to be unbearable."

"I have a plan for that," I leaned over and nudged him. "I think I'm going to buy him a doll for the clothes he's going to purchase."

He rolled his eyes. "And you think that will work?"

"I've got time. I'll make it work."

He shook his head, smiling. As I looked at him, I noticed that his lips pulled up more on one side than the other, making his grin crooked. Huh. I'd never realized that before, but I kind of liked it.

We finished lunch and parted ways. I decided to clean my apartment until it was time for work. While washing dishes, I thought back over lunch. I had been afraid I might have gone too far that afternoon. Yeah, we'd become friends, but everything was still new. I was worried I'd offended him, but he'd taken it like the trooper he was. A smile spread across my face as I decided that Edward was going to be my new partner in crime. It had been too long since Forks had seen a prank Swan-style. I could have used Emmett, but he had a tendency to worry about how Rose would take it. A small pang of sorrow settled in my gut. I missed my brother—he was always the best when it came to stuff like that. However, as I thought about it, Rusty had to be used to the shit Jake pulled. So I was sure he wouldn't put up too much of a fight once I recruited him.

Work that night was fun. Dad had decided to join us as a customer. It was a slow night, so he spent most of the time talking to Edward. I didn't mind, because it was nice to see my father bond with him. I knew that my dad had taken my brother's death hard, even if he didn't show it. I was certain Edward was fast becoming like a son to him.

Huh.

It seemed like Edward was filling the gap Jake had left with each of us. He'd formed a friendship with Emmett, Dad had taken a liking to him, he had made my mother want to smother him with love, and I, well, he'd grown on me. In a way, Edward had helped us heal by entering our lives, even when we hadn't known we needed it.

James walked by me humming _The Bridal Chorus_ with a smug expression plastered on his face. I elbowed him in the ribs as he passed, making him grunt.

"Papa Swan," he said with a whine. "Tell Bella to quit hitting me."

"Oh, good Lord." Dad placed his head in his hands.

Edward chuckled, tossing a bar towel over his shoulder.

"Why did she hit you, James?" he asked, exasperation seeping into his tone.

"She is being difficult. Just because I think she and the stud pony here should get married, she thinks its okay to abuse me." James placed a hand on his hip.

"What?" my father looked up.

"Now, you can't tell me you don't think they would be perfect together." James pointing at us.

"Huh." Charlie looked lost in thought.

I watched as my dad sat there, letting James's words sink in. The moment I realized the light bulb had gone off, I groaned.

"Now, Bella, it wouldn't be that bad, would it?" Charlie asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh God, not you too!" Edward ripped the towel off of his shoulder and threw it on the bar top.

"Are you saying my daughter isn't attractive?" my dad asked in a no-nonsense tone.

"Well, sure, but…uh…well," Edward stuttered, wringing his hands and refusing to make eye contact.

I clapped him on the back and turned to my father. "Leave the poor guy alone and quit trying to marry me off. I don't need a husband or anyone else. I'm doing just fine on my own."

"Sure you are," Charlie said quietly, giving me a "you're full of shit" look.

I ignored my father and went to the other end of the bar. As I was serving a customer, I noticed Edward standing slightly hunched over. _Aw, goddamn it_. I walked over to him once I was finished.

"It's not that I hate you or anything," I walked up behind him, and he jumped when I spoke. I waited until he turned and faced me.

"No, don't worry about it. I get it."

"I really don't think you do, but that's okay. I'm just not ready for anything like a relationship, and I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression," I said, hoping he'd get what I was trying to say, because I didn't want him to leave. For the first time, I cared whether or not a guy in my life walked out on me that wasn't family.

"You didn't. Its fine." he bumped my shoulder with his.

"I hope so, because I like having you around," I said with a smile and a wink.

"Pretty firecracker is going to drive me insane," I heard Edward mutter as I walked off.

I spun around when the words registered.

"What did you say?"

"What?" Edward said, red faced. "I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did. Let me jog your memory. Something about a _pretty firecracker_?" I raised an eyebrow, challenging him.

He closed his eyes and let out a small _fuck_. "Fine, you want to know? Well, if you can call me names in your head, then so can I."

I sighed, really hating his little pet name for me. "Don't call me that again, okay?"

"Firecracker," Edward taunted, sticking out his tounge.

I smacked him in the arm. "Ass."

Walking off, I heard him laughing at me. _Oh God_. He was going to tease me all the time with that stupid name, I just knew it.

"Hey, Edward," I heard my dad call out.

"Yeah?" Edward turned toward my father.

"Sue wanted me to invite you to a barbecue tomorrow. You won't be working, since we always close down that day anyway," Charlie said, taking a drink.

"How come?" Edward asked.

"It's our anniversary party. We always have the yahoos come over to celebrate." Dad laughed at his own joke.

"Oh, I had no idea." Rusty turned pink in embarrassment.

"Eh, it's no big deal," I said as I made my way back over. "Everyone in the family is invited and James, too."

"Jerk," James murmured with his eyes narrowed.

I laughed at his childish antics.

"I'll have you know that your family loves me. Isn't that right, Charlie poo?" James said, batting his eyelashes dramatically.

"Boy, what the hell is wrong with you? Did someone drop you on your head as a baby?" Charlie crossed his arms and leaned back.

Edward hunched over in hysterics as he listened. I let out a small giggle, watching Edward.

"No." James moved closer to my father and put his arms on the bar. "I was a gorgeous baby, but that's beside the point. Don't you think Mama Swan would love it if these two gave her grandbabies? Poor woman was made to be a grandmother, and I know it would thrill her to see her baby girl settle down."

"James, you drag queen reject, if you say a word to my mother, I will shave your head. Believe it." I was going to teach James to shut his meddling mouth.

"I will help her break into your apartment." Rusty said with a devious smile.

James stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. "Don't either of you love me? It's only a matter of time, since both of you are already…"

"Buzz buzz, motherfucker. Do not finish that sentence," I said with malice.

Charlie sat in his chair, holding his laugh in. He was turning purple in his amusement.

"Oh, I can't wait to tell the wife," he said as he snorted.

"Come on, Dad, I thought I was your favorite?" I said, whining.

"Nope, no amount of guilt tripping is going to change my mind. I'm going to have loads of fun planting this seed in her head and watching her try to get you two together," he shook his head and cackled. "Night, everyone."

He got up from his stool and walked out. I looked over at Edward, who stood frozen in place.

"You might want to leave town…right now. Mom is a hundred times worse than James," I whispered, watching my father leave.

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine. She'll eventually drive me to the nuthouse, and I'll get to live the rest of my life in a padded cell. At least I'll get away from him," I murmured, jerking my thumb towards the Dead Man Walking.

~.~.~.~

James, Edward, and I arrived at my parents' house together, which we decided after James threw a hissy fit when Edward and I had announced we were taking our own cars. James thought it would be better, since we were _fucking_, that we should go together. I was really starting to regret leading the Diva on, because it was coming back to bite me in the ass.

At one point, James had had the brilliant idea to chauffeur us in his car, leaving us to _neck_ in the back, as he put it. Edward had played along until he'd realized that James drove a pink car. He'd told my annoying friend that there was no way in hell he would ride in a "goddamn car that looked like a cotton candy machine threw up on it." When James had pushed the issue, Edward had threatened to go out and buy a hunting rifle that very second and shoot him in the ass. I'd pushed Edward toward his car and told him that we could all ride with him, making everyone happy. It had been surprising how quickly I'd gotten him to agree with me.

I thought Edward would burst a vessel by the time we reached my parents' house. James, being his normal idiot self, kept leaning into the gap in the front seats to change the radio station. Each time his hand had touched the dial, Edward would smack it. I'd ended up taking control of the radio to keep the peace.

"I'm so glad you could come," my mother greeted us as we reached the front door.

"Thanks, Mrs. Swan," Edward said, smiling at her.

"It's Sue, dear boy." Mom patted his back.

"Yes, ma'am." Edward hung his head and nodded.

"You, come here and give your old mother a hug," she said, leaning into me. I mimicked her movements and hugged her. She smelled like home and love. When she released me, she turned to James.

"And you…Charlie tells me we have lots to discuss." she pointed at James.

James had a wide smile on his face. "Oh, that we do, Mama Swan."

"Ugh." was my brilliant reply.

"Go check on your Uncle Harry. Last time I saw him, he was by the edge of the woods with his _Fire Water_. Please remind him he can't turn into a wolf, and there are no vampires living in town." My mother rubbed a hand over her face.

"Come on, Edward, we may have to take a hike in the woods," I said as I pulled him with me.

"Wait, what is going on?" he said as he followed a few steps behind.

"Um, Uncle Harry is the Quileute Medicine Man and takes our legends a little too seriously."

"What legends?"

"Jake never told you?"

"No."

"Oh, well, maybe I'll take you to a bonfire sometime in La Push. Apparently, our ancestors dipped into the magic mushrooms one too many times when they decided to record our history. I swear, they give Alice in Wonderland a run for its money in the crazy factor." I was sure he thought I was kidding, but I wasn't.

"Oh." He looked up at me and frowned.

I laughed at the expression on his face. "And you thought the people in Forks were insane. Buddy, you haven't seen anything yet."

We reached the tree line where my mother had said Uncle Harry would be, but he wasn't there. I started into the forest, hoping he hadn't gotten too far. The year before, we'd had to track him all the way to the Sol Duc River before we found him. I was not looking forward to chasing his wrinkled, nutty ass all over Clallam County.

After a few minutes, I spotted my uncle on the forest floor, hunched down on his hands and knees. He was growling at a stump in front of him. For the millionth time, I wondered how he was my mother's brother. She was so loving and put together, and he was just…out there. I shook my head and walked over toward him.

"Hey, Uncle Harry, what'cha doing?" I asked in a whisper.

"I found a vampire," he refused to look away from the stump. "The blood sucker is going to die. That'll teach him for coming onto our lands."

I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Uh, he's gone. You scared him off," I murmured, hoping he'd believe me. When he had these delusions that he'd caught a vampire, sometimes it took forever to convince him to leave.

He stood up and puffed out his chest. "He's scared of the Quileute Protectors. That's right, run you coward! I'll find you again!"

Harry looked over and noticed Edward standing off to the side. "Who's that?" he asked, sizing Edward up.

"Oh, he's the new human in town," I said matter of factly with a head shake.

"Nice to meet you, son. Did you know that this gives you immortality?" Harry asked, picking up a mug and handing it to Edward.

"Is that so?" Edward asked in a weary tone.

"It is," Harry swayed on his feet. "Drink and live forever with the rest of the Quileute Nation."

Edward tilted the mug and took a huge gulp. His eyes bugged out of his head when the _Fire Water_ touched his taste buds. Swallowing quickly, he bent over and started to cough. I ran over and patted him on the back.

"Jesus, what the hell is in that?" He panted and sputtered.

"Rum, Vodka, and whatever else Harry can get his hands on." I pursed my lips.

"You could have warned me," he whispered, glaring up at me.

"And where would the fun in that have been?" I asked, shrugging. "Besides, if you'd have turned it down, you would have hurt poor Uncle Harry's feelings."

I batted my eyelashes innocently at him.

"You're going to get me killed, firecracker. Afghanistan wasn't as dangerous as Forks. Not by a long shot." He stared down into the mug.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Just…hide that. Uncle Harry is blitzed, and if he can't find it, he won't drink anymore. I think my mother would love you forever if you prevented Uncle Harry from making a total ass out of himself at her twenty-seventh anniversary party."

"Will do," he said, hiding said mug behind his back and discreetly pouring the contents out.

"Come on, Uncle Harry," I called out. "I think Emmett probably has the food ready by now. You have to be hungry."

"Yeah, chasing vampires always makes me hungry," he stated, walking back toward the party.

Edward let out a giggle, following behind him. I smacked him and walked with them. Leave it to my crazy uncle to make me chase his loony ass before eating.

When we got back, I took the mug from Edward and went into the house to hide it. I figured once it was out of sight, it was Mom and Dad's problem. The hall closet seemed like the best place, so I went into the hallway and stashed it away.

I noticed Rosalie staring daggers at Edward as I walked toward the picnic tables. Rubbing the back of my neck, I decided to fix her view of Edward. We hadn't had time to discuss my revelation about him since I'd told her I thought he was stalking me. Rosalie's overbearing mother had been joining us on our shopping trips, driving both of us nuts. So, since she was standing alone, I figured it would be a good time to have that talk.

"Hey, gorgeous," I said, bumping her hip.

"Shut up, Bella. I look like a toad." She wrinkled her nose. I looked at her and didn't see it. Sure, she still had the same too-large shirt and frumpy skirt that was a staple of her wardrobe, but she was still beautiful.

"Whatever. Listen, I need to talk to you."

She turned and faced me fully. "Oh, what about?"

"Okay, um, I don't know how to say this," Her face dropped, and I knew she thought I was about to tell her off or something. I rubbed the back of my neck, wishing for the hundredth time that Rosalie would quit feeling so unsure of herself.

"No, look, I was wrong about Edward. He's not that bad of a guy," I said, rushing the words out.

"You said, though…"

"I know what I said," I interrupted her. "I was wrong."

"How did you figure that out?"

"He's…uh…turns out he's Rusty."

She gasped and her hands flew up to her mouth, and shocked expression crossed her face. "You mean…I was…but."

I waited for her to process the information.

"I was mean to Rusty? The guy that Jake said, in his letters, was his best friend in the Army and almost like a brother to him?"

"Yeah…um, sorry about that," I said, wincing.

Tears sprang to her eyes. "He probably hates me now."

"He doesn't hate you," I grabbed her arm. "He just doesn't know you. Come on."

I pulled her over to where Edward was sitting with Emmett. She stumbled behind me. Both men were laughing but stopped when they saw us standing beside the table. Edward looked at me with curiosity, and I widened my eyes, nodding toward Rose. He didn't get it and continued to look at me like I was nuts.

"I'm so sorry," Rosalie rushed out with a red face. "I had no idea. When Bella told me you were stalking her, well, I'm protective of her. She's the only girl that's ever been nice to me without making fun of me behind my back. Being a klutz and all, people tend to think I'm a joke."

"Aw, baby, you're not a joke," Emmett said, standing up and wrapping her in his arms.

"Uh, I'm sorry, too. I just thought you hated me." Edward smiled at her.

"No, I don't hate anyone. I feel so bad. Bella told me who you are, and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate what you've done. When Bella would get a letter, she'd read them to me, and I knew I had to help. So, I helped her bake. I probably made more of a mess with my clumsiness than anything else, but it made me feel like I was doing something," she said, rushing the words out.

"Wait, you're the clumsy friend of Bella's!" he pointed, his eyes widening. "The stories Jake read about you in Bella's letters really brought a bright spot to a lot of soldiers' days. Hell, most of us were in awe that you were willing to share that with us. Thank you, Rose."

He stood up and extended his hand. Rosalie pulled away from Emmett, and with a blush on her face, shook his hand. A small smile spread across both their faces.

"Friends?" Edward asked with a hopeful expression on his face.

"Sure, any friend that was Jake's is a friend of mine," she said with a nod.

"That's my girl," Emmett said, squeezing her shoulder. The couple left us standing there, walking toward a table off to the side piled with food.

"So, I'm stalking you?" Edward tilted his head and grinned.

"Knock it off. I thought you were when you first came here. How was I supposed to know who you really were?" I rolled my eyes.

"Touché," he said, walking beside me. "If I was going to stalk you, though, I would have done a better job. Especially since I have military training."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said, waving him off. "Let's go eat."

Once we loaded our plates, Edward and I ended up sitting together. I watched the rest of my family as I ate, noticing the happy couples surrounding me. God, I really hated my pathetic ass. Leave it to me to find the most worthless guy on the planet and let him push me until I lost all faith in men. If I wasn't such a chicken shit, I'd get back out there and start dating again. Truth be told, what I had told my father was beginning to be a lie. Before, I had been happy to be alone. Something had changed in me, though, and I wanted what everyone else seemed to have. Someone to love that loved me back. I sighed, knowing that it would never happen.

Uncle Harry picked that moment to stand in front of my parents and regale them with the story of how he had scared the vampire away that afternoon. My father kept banging his head on the picnic table repeatedly, and my mother humored him with some well placed _ohs_ and _ahs_. Again, I wondered how he was related to us.

"Hey, Charlie," Edward called out. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"God, yes!" my father yelled, standing up quickly and practically running toward us. He sat down next to me and leaned over toward Edward.

"Thank you, son, for saving me from my loony brother-in-law. I swear… he's like James, only with twenty more years to work on his crazy. If I thought I could get away with it, I would have shot him and buried him in the woods by now." Dad gave Edward a stern look.

I hit my father on the forearm. "You better knock it off, old man. Mom hears you talking like that, and you'll be the one shot and buried in the woods."

"Who's going to be shot and buried?" Mom asked as she sat next to Edward.

"No one, dear. I love you," Charlie said, trying to distract her.

"Aw, I love you, too," Sue said, placing her head on his shoulder.

Edward was shaking as he held in his laugh. Charlie noticed and shot him a look that said, "Do it and it'll be you, boy." Edward composed himself quickly.

"Mama Swan…Mama Swan!" James yelled, running toward us. He was carrying a bright purple suitcase.

"How in the hell did he sneak that girly shit in my car?" Edward asked, eyeing the case.

"Oh hush, Candy Pants. I put it in the back when you weren't looking," he said, turning toward my mother. "Anyway, I have some things I know you are going to die over."

He set the case down with a flourish. Rosalie and Emmett had joined us and sat next to Edward and I. Everyone watched as James opened it, pulling out a bunch of tiny girl clothes.

"Oh, how precious!" Sue leaned over to get a better look.

I groaned with my head in my hands. "Don't get any ideas, Mother."

"Really, how bad would it be, Bella? Edward is a lovely man, and James is right; your children would be angels," she said, shaking her head at me.

Edward followed Dad's example, banging his head on the table.

"Stop that," my mother chastised, placing her hand on his forehead and pushing it backward. He stopped hitting his head and looked over at her. "You don't want to have a head injury, do you?"

He shook his head and sat back up.

"Now, Bella, really…not every man is garbage like…"

"I get it, and I know," I said with tears in my eyes. She was hitting a nerve, and her prodding wasn't helping me. Mom got up and came around the table. Rosalie stood and took her seat next to Edward, letting my mother sit next to me. She cradled my head against her until I got control of myself.

"Did I ever tell you how I met Charlie?" she asked, making eye contact with the group.

"Oh, Mama Swan, you have to tell us," James said in a dreamy tone.

"There's something I'd like to tell your fruity ass," Dad said in a soft tone, glaring at James.

"Hush, Charlie," Mom gave narrowed her eyes.

I chuckled at their display.

"Now, as I was saying, I've known Charlie most of my life. When we were kids, we all went to school here in Forks. Back then, the reservation didn't have its own school, so we learned alongside the pale faces," she said with a chuckle.

"For the longest time, I hated him. He used to chase me around the playground and pull my hair, making me cry."

Everyone laughed at her words.

"When we finally got to high school, my impression of him hadn't changed. Instead of being an ass to me, he ignored me. Charlie was Mr. Popular Football Player, and I was in the drama club. We didn't run in the same circles, but both of our groups would get a dig in at the other's expense when we could."

I looked up as Mom was still cradling my head and noticed that every person sitting with us was engrossed in her story.

"After we graduated, I went off to college, and Charlie joined the Army. I didn't see him again until he was discharged, and I had finished my degree. The summer before I was going to move to New York to start my life, I ran into him again at the old diner. We ended up talking, and by the end of the night, I'd agreed to go on a date. By the time the summer was almost through, we were in love. I decided I was going to stay, and the rest is history."

Dad laughed and turned toward Mom. "Do you remember that old Nova I had?"

"Yes," Mom said, giggling. "I loved that car."

"I know. What I always wondered, though, did you love it because it was the first car we had? Or was it because Jake was conceived in it, forcing us to marry so soon?"

"Ew," I said, pushing away from Mom and standing up. She scooted over to my father, and they met in a heated kiss. Having seen enough of my parents making out to last me a lifetime, I walked off.

I ended up at the back stoop, so I sat down and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"You okay?" Edward asked, standing over me.

I looked up at him. "I'm all right. Mom just knows how to push my buttons, that's all."

Edward sat down next to me on the step. "Well, If you…"

"I will," I interrupted him with a smile. "But this is something I need to deal with on my own. Thanks, though."

He nodded and turned back toward the party.

"Tell me they aren't the cutest thing you have ever seen," I heard James say.

Edward groaned and looked up at the sky.

"I have to apologize to you," I said, tapping his forearm. He stared at me with questions in his eyes. "I'm beginning to think messing with James wasn't the best idea I've ever had."

"You think?" Edward asked with a chuckle.

"Shut up. Jake was always the idea man—I just implemented the pranks."

"Ah, I see. The two of you together must have been a nightmare, then. I remember some of the pranks he pulled in basic. He's lucky they didn't kick him out."

"Yeah, that was my brother," I said with a sigh. "Always pushing the envelope."

"Would you just kiss her already?" James asked, right by my ear.

"Fuck, James. Don't you remember our talk about personal space?" I asked, growling out the words. "This is my dance space—that is your dance space. I don't go into yours, and you don't go into mine." I made sure to indicate each with a wave of my hand.

"Yeah, and don't put Baby in a corner and all that jazz. I got it," James said with an eye roll, taking a step back. "Is this better, Lady of the Dance?"

"He gives out crazy nicknames, too?" Edward turned his head toward me. "I thought I was the only one."

"Oh no, James here has a knack for finding a name that will drive you nuts." I eyed my so-called friend.

"I'm sorry, Bugaboo. I know you thought you were special, but I love her, too. You do know you have to take me on your honeymoon, right? I couldn't stand being away from my favorite two people for any amount of time," James said, leaning on the rail.

"If, and this is a big if, I have a honeymoon, you will not be going," I said, exasperated.

"You wound me, Indian Princess," James said with a pout.

"So, are you going to stop buying baby clothes? You do realize it's a waste of money?" Edward crossed his arms.

"Aw, are you jealous, Sugar Booger? I can take you shopping, too. We could have loads of fun. I'll even help you in the dressing room." James offered in an eager tone.

"I can dress myself, weirdo. Besides, I don't need any clothes." Edward glared at James.

"Your turn of the decade wardrobe says differently," James sang with a smile.

Edward huffed and frowned.

"We can even bring Bella along. She can be the one to help you in the dressing room," James said. "Oh, and she can take measurements for me, too. That way I'll know just how big that cock of yours is." James shifted his stance.

"That's it. I'm counting to three, and then I'm going to kill you." Edward slid to the edge of the step.

James let out a girly scream and took off running. He waved his hands in front of him as he tried to put as much space between himself and Edward as possible.

"One," Edward murmured, watching James.

"Edward, maybe you should…" I started to say.

He held up his hand, cutting me off. "Two."

"Edward!" I yelled, tugging on his sleeve. "Don't hurt him! He's my friend, and I know he's a giant pain in the ass…"

He shook his head. "I promise, I'm not really going to kill him, but I am going to teach him a lesson. Three," Edward said, shooting up and running off toward James.

James caught sight of Edward and screamed again. The rest of the partygoers were laughing as they watched Edward chase James around the yard. I couldn't help but giggle when Edward finally caught up to him.

I watched as Edward picked up a clump of dirt and rubbed it all over James's face, hair, and clothes. James begged him to stop trying to ruin his fabulousness, but Edward kept going. When he was finally satisfied, he released James. James ran over to me, scowling.

"Just for that, I'm painting his door pink," James said with a huff, walking into my parents' house.

Everyone burst out laughing when James made his comment. Well, everyone except Edward. He had a horrified look on his face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, a little family time, craziness with James, and Bella and Edward bonding time. Oh, and crazy Uncle Harry, too. See you all next update.

You can catch us on Twitter under the names d_inspiration and shelikethesound and follow our general insanity, as well as story updates and tweets.


	9. Blue Light Special

******Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thank you to the Dust Team, nowforruin, sherryola, and jointgifts. And thank you for all the reviews, alerts, and comments. You guys are awesome! Happy birthday to Sunnyy08 - we'll have the diva come by later and sing you a song. :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Blue Light Special<strong>

Growing up with a sister, who had never seemed to give up on the idea that I was her backup whenever she couldn't talk Jasper or her girlfriends into her crazy ideas, had taught me to always pick the lesser evil in any given situation. So when James had threatened to paint my front door pink, I'd maneuvered out of it by agreeing to go shopping with him. Then he had shifted his pink door threat to Bella, who had to agree to come as well. That made him go into full planning mode, but at least he was out of our hair about babies and honeymoons. Dude was bonkers.

The barbecue had been fun. I shouldn't have been surprised at how amazing Jake's family and friends were – he had told me all about how he had the greatest dad in the world, the most loving mom, and a bat-shit crazy uncle. But everyone said that, and everyone was wrong. Except Jake. He did, in fact, have the greatest dad in the world, the most loving mom, and a bat-shit crazy uncle.

And then there was Bella. The pretty firecracker was equal parts great, loving, and bat-shit crazy. I wasn't sure her idea to tell James that we were together had been a good one. Not just because the drama queen had gone off and bought goddamn baby clothes for the babies we'd have, but also because it messed with my mind. Between Bella being the most intriguing and beautiful woman I had ever met, her being Jake's sister, and the fact that I was a really fucked up person, I had no idea how to deal with everything. I was glad that we were spending time together and becoming friends, though. Sometimes she reminded me so much of Jake, whereas other times it was difficult to believe that they had been siblings. I wasn't even sure what I liked best – the similarities or the differences. I just knew that my sorry excuse of a life had been greatly improved by knowing them. All of them. Even crazy Uncle Harry and James. And no way was I ever admitting that to anyone.

The morning after the barbecue, James woke me up again. However, since he knocked on the door like a civilized person and presented me with an excellent reason to procrastinate from opening the emails in my inbox, I decided to forgive him.

"As much as I'm anxious to go shopping, I wouldn't have minded if you'd answered the door naked, butter balls," James greeted me when I opened the door – paranoid and fully dressed.

"Good morning to you, too, princess," I said, sleepily, and looked at my watch. "Isn't it a bit early to go shopping?"

"Watch your mouth! It's never too early to go shopping. And until the stores open, I'll be window shopping over here, thank you very much," he said, brushing past me and walking over to throw himself on the couch. He looked at me expectantly.

I was really starting to hate how he thought that he could waltz in whenever he wanted. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, just window shopping," he replied. "Got any coffee?"

"I don't think you need to be any more hyper than you already are. No caffeine for you," I replied. "You can have some water or juice."

"You're no fun, mommy man. If you weren't so hot, I'd hurt you for denying me coffee," he said. "The Indian princess didn't answer when I knocked – which sucks, by the way. It was so much more fun to pick the lock. Is she in your bed?"

"No, she's not," I answered, shaking my head. "And why don't you come with a mute button?"

"Aw, you wanna push my buttons, pickle pie. That's so sweet. I've got something else you can pu-"

"Can you just shut up? It's too damn early for this," I said just as there was a knock on the door.

"Someone could have used a blow job this morning. Just sayin'," James called after me when I went to answer the knock.

The pretty firecracker smiled at me when I opened the door. "Good morning," she said.

"Morning," I greeted her. "Care to save me from insanity?"

She frowned briefly before laughing. "Let me guess. James is here."

"What else can make a man insane this early in the day?" I asked sarcastically.

She giggled. "Aw, poor baby. I'll call off the big bad Ja-"

"Are you done with the foreplay yet?" James interrupted, coming up behind me. "Either get it on or get going. We've got shopping to do, but if you wanna make babies first, it's okay. I'll go grab a cup of coffee with Grandpapa Swan and discuss baby names."

I groaned. "See what I mean?" I asked Bella.

She narrowed her eyes at James. "Don't make me sic my mom on you. You know she'll go straight for your clothes."

"Damn, girl. No need to be cruel," he huffed. "But if you're not going to get it on, we might as well leave. We need to be in Port Angeles when the stores open. Chop, chop, kids! Time for the ultimate shopping trip with the magnificent James."

I wondered if rolling my eyes too much would give me a headache because it was entirely possible that I would be doing it a lot that day. I grabbed my jacket, keys, wallet, and cell phone and followed our fearless shopping leader. The fires of Mount Doom were waiting.

"I'm driving," I announced on the way down the stairs.

"Shot gun!" James called out excitedly.

I groaned, and Bella laughed. It would be really fucking difficult to keep him from messing with the radio if he sat in the front seat. _Damn_.

The drive to Port Angeles felt like it lasted a decade. As expected, James commandeered the radio no matter how much I protested. The hyper diva singing along to some god awful pop had made me more or less deaf, and I started plotting how to leave him in Port Angeles at the end of the day.

And then the real torture started.

"You need this t-shirt in blue, jolly boo," James told me decidedly and held it up.

"What? No way. It should be green to match his eyes," Bella objected.

James narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you seriously questioning my fashion sense, princess?"

She snorted. "Hell yeah. You're obviously color blind."

"Color blind? Take that back! Blue goes with the delicious sex hair," he insisted.

"So does green!"

"Blue!"

"Green!"

"Bluuuuuue!"

"Ass."

"Yes, blue goes nicely with his ass, too."

"How would you know?"

"Ooh, jealous that you're not the only one who has seen his sexy ass, princess?"

"Bite me."

"No thanks, but I'm sure Eddie-poo wouldn't mind."

Rolling my eyes, I decided that they had embarrassed us enough for now. People were beginning to look at us funny. I reached between them and grabbed a black shirt of the kind they had been arguing about. Smirking, I walked away.

"Or black," I heard Bella say.

"It goes with his hair, eyes, _and_ ass," James agreed.

I shook my head and tried not to laugh while looking at jeans. My personal fashion gurus caught up with me and started bickering again. Soon I was sent into a fitting room with my arms full of jeans. _Why me? _

"Need any help undressing?" James asked through the door. "I'd be happy to lend a hand."

"No thanks, I'm fine," I replied quickly, briefly wondering if the chair in the fitting room could be used to block the door since I was fresh out of deadbolts.

"Want me to send Bella in to sex you up? You haven't lived until you've had sex in public. Just sayin'," he said. "Or maybe you've already done that. Where did you do it? Was it good? Wait, don't answer that. Of course it was good with the shotgun you're packing. Bella is one lucky sistah."

"James?" I asked.

"Yes, sugar plum?"

"Please shut up."

I snickered when I heard him huffing. The silence didn't last long, though.

"Are you coming out soon so we can ogle your ass? That's the most important thing about jeans, you know – how your ass looks in them. Well, and your crotch," James said.

Before I could tell him to shut up again, the pretty firecracker had taken care of it for me.

"Ow! Why are you abusive, woman? I just want to make sure that your stud muffin doesn't buy jeans that make his assets look less stellar than they really are. What's wrong with that? And stop hitting me, dammit! I think you need a stud ride in the fitting room. Maybe you'll be less aggressive afterward. Edward, come out here and make your woman stop!"

If I ever had kids, I was never taking them shopping.

I ignored Bella and James while trying on different pairs of jeans. I had no intentions of going out to model for them – they were just goddamn jeans. I didn't even know why I was trying them on – I usually just grabbed some in my size and went to pay. Much easier, and so far everything had fit just fine.

Suddenly Bella slipped through the door and leaned against it. "Hi," she said, biting her lip in a not very successful attempt not to smile.

"Um, hi," I replied and pulled the jeans I had been about to take off back up. "Wha-"

Bella held a finger against her lips and took a step closer. "Ssshh!" she whispered. "I had to shut James up. He's outside listening."

I rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh. Bella giggled and picked up the jeans from the chair, sitting down with them on her lap. "Carry on," she said, winking at me.

"With what?" I mouthed.

"Whatever you were doing," she replied with a giggle.

"I hear giggling, but not moaning. There should be moaning, or you're not doing it right," James said from the other side of the door.

Bella and I laughed. "Go away, James," I said.

"Hell no, if I'm missing out on the visual, I at least want the audio. Get busy, buttercups, and make some pretty babies for Auntie James," he said. "It will be fun to tell them how I heard them being made."

Bella hid her face in the jeans she was holding, and I closed my eyes, letting the back of my head fall back against the wall.

"James, for the love of God – go away!" I said a little louder than was probably polite in a public place.

"Fucking in public includes the risk of getting overheard or even seen. Live with it," he stated. "Or fuck with it. Whatever."

"Why don't we get out of here?" I asked Bella who looked like she was trying to smother herself in the jeans.

She looked up and nodded while trying to keep the laughter in. "I'll just…turn around while you change into your own clothes," she whispered and cleared her throat before giggling again.

"Um, I just need my jeans," I said sheepishly.

"Oh!" She giggled and rummaged through the jeans until she found the ones without tags. "Here you go."

"Thanks." I quickly changed while she had her back to me, but as I was buttoning them, I caught her glancing at me in the mirror. I grinned at her, and she quickly averted her eyes. She blushed a little and hid her face in the jeans again while I just laughed. She was fucking cute.

James looked us over carefully when we exited the fitting room, even going as far as sniffing Bella before she smacked him. The rest of the day was spent trailing around after him as he plowed through every store he could find. I didn't buy a tenth of what he wanted me to buy – especially not when he tried to convince me that pink was the color that only real men could pull off. Bella and I only just managed to convince him to stop for lunch, and he spent the entire meal commenting on the people around us – what they were wearing, what they looked like, how they walked, and if they were gay or not. According to James, half the population was secretly gay.

After lunch, we shopped a little more, this time mostly for Bella, as James had gotten it into his head that we should have matching outfits. We didn't end up matching, but Bella did bring home a few shopping bags as well. James did, too. He had ventured into the most random stores while Bella and I took a breather or got a cup of coffee. I definitely didn't want to know what he had purchased at Victoria's Secret, Baby Gap, and the little place with sex toys he had spent forever in.

Bella and I tried to lose him a couple of times without any luck, and after we threatened never to go shopping with him again – _like I would anyway_ – he finally agreed to call it a day.

"This has been the best day ever!" he enthused on the drive back to Forks.

Bella and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

When we got back to Forks, it was time to go to work. I was pretty beat, and my knee protested with every step I took. It turned out to be a slow night, thankfully, and I could spend a lot of time leaning against the bar, not putting weight on my bad leg.

"If this night gets any slower, I'm falling asleep," Bella said with a sigh, leaning against the bar next to me.

I chuckled. "Take a nap on the counter – we'll work around you."

"It's tempting," she allowed with a grin. "I'd just be dead if my dad caught me."

"See, this is the problem with today's youth," James said, joining us after serving a sullen-looking Renee, who was probably disappointed that Charlie wasn't working. "No stamina. No wonder we're not seeing any babies yet."

"Dude, stop it with the baby obsession or get one of your own," Bella told him.

"And how am I going to do that?" he asked. "I had delicious squeeze here picked out as my baby momma, but then you went and snatched him. Tramp."

"Freak," Bella shot back.

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Bitch," James fired off before suddenly starting to jump up and down while clapping his hands. "Ooh! You know what we should do?"

"Lock you in the office so we can't see how silly you look?" Bella suggested, straight-faced.

I snorted.

"Ha, ha," James deadpanned. "No, no, we need to make drinks!"

"Hallelujah!" Bella exclaimed. "He finally understands what he's supposed to do at work."

"You're a riot, you really are," he said. "But what I meant was that we should make drinks for each other. Like a contest to see who can invent the best drink. It's not like we're fucking doing anything else anyway."

Bella shrugged. "Why not? You in, soldier boy?"

I tried not to smirk as a memory resurfaced. "Absolutely."

James squealed and clapped his hands before running down to the opposite end of the bar. Bella shrugged and went to look at the bottles on the shelves behind us. I knew exactly what to make, so I grabbed what I needed from the shelves and started mixing. I didn't remember the exact ratios, but I remembered what it was supposed to taste like.

I smiled as I recalled how one night, when Jake and I had been stationed together, we had been talking about our deployments overseas. We had lamented the lack of decent food on the tours, and after a few beers too many, come up with our own version of what rations should consist of. Our suggestions had not been healthy by any means – primarily fast food and candy, plus obscene amounts of alcohol. We had even designed our very own drink to be included in the ration.

A Dust Remover.

It was designed to remove the godforsaken dust from the throats of the men and women stuck in the desert fighting a war they sometimes had difficulty making heads or tails of – while getting them drunk off their asses at the same time. We would have been famous if we had ever launched our idea. I hadn't thought about that night for a long time, but it was one of many, many happy memories I had of Jake. I wanted to share it with Bella – and win the contest, because not only did a Dust Remover hit hard, it also tasted great.

After a little experimenting, I finally got it right. I made three of them and put the bottles away. Bella and James were still busy with their concoctions, so I served the few customers who came up to the bar. There weren't many left in the booths, so we weren't neglecting our duties by having a little contest.

"Done!" James announced a little later, carrying three very, very pink drinks with umbrellas over to where Bella was also clearing up what she had been using.

"What took you so long?" I teased.

"Watch your mouth, baby doll," James said. "Perfection takes time. You spent nine months in your mama's belly, did you not?"

I rolled my eyes and passed out my drinks. "Here. Taste the winner."

Bella snorted. "No way. Mine is the best."

"You are so adorable in your ignorance," James cooed. "Pink is the way to go. Not green and…um, what the hell is that color?"

I laughed. Dust Removers might not look very appealing, but I was still convinced that they tasted better than whatever the competition had come up with. "Who cares what color it is as long as it tastes good?"

"That's what I always say," James said, nodding. "Although, I'm not usually talking about drinks."

Bella groaned. "I think it's time to pick a winner. Shall we, gentlemen?"

I tasted Bella's first. It was green and actually tasted really good. I wondered if she had a name for it, because Pretty Firecracker came to mind. I then tried the pink nightmare James had created and nearly spit it back out. _Goddamn_. It tasted like sugar. And nothing else.

"I win!" James announced.

"Like hell you do," Bella objected. "Edward, tell me I'm right."

"You're right," I replied.

"Well, who can trust that decision when two thirds of the judges are sleeping with each other? I'm the voice of reason, and I say that I win." He scooped up the drinks he had made and went back to the other end of the bar singing _We Are the Champions_. Nutcase.

Bella shook her head and took another sip of her Dust Remover. "This is great, Edward. What's in it?"

"Sorry, can't tell you. It's a secret," I replied.

"But what if I want another one?" she asked with an amused smile.

"I'll make you as many as you'd like," I said. "It's called a Dust Remover. Jake and I invented it years ago, drunk and fed up with the rations on deployments. We figured fast food, candy, and booze would go over much better. In our drunken haze, we were sure that this particular drink would go over especially well overseas."

Bella laughed and then bit her lip. "I love it when you tell me about him. It's like getting little pieces of him back that I thought were lost forever. Thank you for sharing this with me. It's definitely the winning drink."

A thirsty customer wanting one last drink before closing time craved Bella's attention, and I started cleaning up our glasses. I thought about how it got easier all the time to talk about Jake – especially with Bella. She was right about how sharing memories of him somehow kept him alive. Not a day went by where I didn't desperately wish that he was still around, or that we could have switched places. The more I got to know his amazing family, the more it hurt knowing that he had been ripped away from them. They had deserved to get their son and brother back alive.

Later that night when I tried to fall asleep, I considered attempting another visit to the cemetery soon. I felt bad about not going, but at the same time, I really didn't want to look at some stupid stone with Jake's name on it. I missed my best friend, and I wanted him back. I had no use for a stone with a name.

The days passed without me going anywhere near the cemetery. I also didn't check the emails that waited for me in my inbox, nor did I attempt to contact Jasper. I was more or less content in my own little bubble with all the craziness James and the firecracker provided. It was like having a small part of Jake because he had been as nuts as the town he had been born and raised in. It fit, and I liked it.

Work was always fun. My knee bothered me on occasion, but not enough to say anything or sit down as Sue had told me to. If nothing else, the pain reminded me about how lucky I was to be alive, and how close I had come to losing both my life and my leg. The patrons of the bar were mostly a friendly bunch with a few crazies thrown in. Drunken Renee with her crush on Charlie was hilarious, especially because it made him all frazzled and embarrassed. One night, she had even climbed onto the bar and serenaded him. I had been the fortunate guy who got to get her down from there. Harry had also stopped by once after the barbecue, carrying his faithful mug. He wasn't quite as intoxicated as he had been when Bella and I had found him in the forest, but close. He had also still been rambling about vampires.

Some nights, Bella and I would gang up on James – or they would gang up on me. Sometimes James and I even ganged up on Bella. When Charlie worked the bar, he took part in the fun, favoring when we all ganged up on James. Early one evening when Charlie, Bella, and I did just that, my rarely used cell phone vibrated in my pocket. We weren't that busy yet, so I stepped out back to answer it. The display read _Jasper,_ and I hesitated. Did I really want to listen to him right then? Before I made the decision, it stopped ringing, only to start back up again immediately. _Crap._ Might as well answer or he'd be calling non-stop all night.

"Hello?"

"Hey, man. I'm just driving into Forks. Are you at the motel?" Jasper asked, slightly muffled from music in the background.

I closed my eyes. I did _not_ want him to be in Forks. Unfortunately, the town wasn't big enough to hide in. Even if I said that I was still staying at the motel, he would probably end up in the bar and find me anyway. There wasn't a hell of a lot of things to do in the evenings other than come here.

"No, I'm at the bar. It's rig-"

"Oh, yeah, I see it. I'll be there in a few minutes. Just need to park. See ya!" And then he was gone.

I stared at my phone. I was not ready to see or talk to Jasper again – nor did I particularly want to. And I sure as hell didn't like the fact that it was completely out of my hands. With a sigh, I slid my phone into my pocket and walked back out to the bar. Maybe I could hog all the customers from the others and claim I was too busy to talk to him.

"There you are, dickle pop. I missed you," James said to me when I joined him at the opposite end of the bar from where Bella and Charlie worked in tandem.

"I was gone less than five minutes," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"So? You're the best eye candy in here," he said as if that even made sense.

I ignored him and went to serve a group of young, giggling women who ended up eyeing me just as much as James did. It was quickly turning out to be the night from hell. Before I had even finished serving them their first round, three of them had slipped me their phone numbers. James saw and narrowed his eyes at me, nodding toward Bella.

I chuckled. "They're already in the trash."

"They better be. No one hurts my Indian princess. Not even you, candy man," he warned me.

I had no intention of hurting the pretty firecracker. I knew it wouldn't have hurt her if I had kept the phone numbers, but I had no interest in the giggle squad or anyone else for that matter. I was still getting used to my new life, and I didn't need any complications.

"Edward!"

I looked up and saw Jasper approaching the bar. _Speaking of complications…_

"Hi," I said. It was really weird to see him again after all this time. My best friend had been a lanky, floppy-haired boy in worn jeans and crinkled shirts. In front of me was a grown man, who at the same time looked very different and exactly the same. He just wasn't my best friend anymore and hadn't been for a long time. I also doubted he would ever be any kind of friend again, though it appeared he disagreed, since he had driven all the way up to Forks.

Suddenly, James hip checked me. "I'll get this one," he said and sent a blinding smile in Jasper's direction. "What can I get you, sugar bum?"

Jasper looked slightly uncomfortable. His eyes strayed to me for help, but I just laughed. Dude hadn't had my back when I'd needed it, so I was letting James go to town with his new, shiny toy.

"Um, whatever you have on tap is fine," Jasper replied.

"Coming right up," James said, winking at Jasper. As he brushed past me, I heard him muttering about other _things_ coming right up and something about _tapping_ that all right. I laughed even harder and decided that I didn't mind Jasper coming to town. I might not have thought him worthy of my friendship, but it was fun to see James messing with someone else for a change.

"So, a bartender, huh?" Jasper said, looking around.

"Yep," I replied curtly.

"That's cool," he said. The alarmed look on his face returned as James brought him his beer. I took the opportunity to slip away to serve some customers while James got his flirt on. That shit was hilarious, especially because Jasper looked confused and slightly terrified.

"Who's he got his claws in now?" Bella asked me a little later, nodding toward James and Jasper. We had slowly migrated toward the middle of the bar, leaving Charlie and James to defend the flanks. It wasn't overly busy, so James kept Jasper entertained. Maybe if I was lucky, I could avoid him until closing time.

"An old friend of mine," I replied. "We were best friends as kids and all through high school, but when I joined the Army, he went with the general consensus that it was the worst idea I'd ever had. Now – eight goddamn years too late – he's trying to make amends for some reason."

"No wonder you left him at James' mercy," Bella commented and reached out to squeeze my arm briefly. "I'm sorry you didn't have any support from the people closest to you. I understand why they didn't want you to go and risk your life, but I don't understand why they didn't respect your decision or admired your courage. That's what we went through when Jake signed up. I didn't like it, but I respected it and admired him for it. Still do, even now."

"I've known for years that Chief was blessed with a better sister than me," I said and winked at her.

She smiled. "I love it when you call him Chief. And you just give me your sister's address, and I'll go kick her ass for you. Jake tried to teach me how to fight when we were kids, but the only way I could beat him was by pulling his hair. That worked really well until he cut it short. As long as your sister has hair, I can take her."

I laughed. "Thanks, Xena, but Alice isn't worth it."

"Jazz! Dude!" a voice suddenly boomed out of nowhere, drowning out whatever Bella had been about to say. I looked up and saw Emmett bolting over to where Jasper was sitting. How the hell did they know each other? Jasper stood up, and the two of them hugged while James looked longingly at them. I watched with a frown as they started talking animatedly.

"Your sorry excuse for a friend knows Emmett?" Bella asked with raised eyebrows.

"It appears so," I replied.

"Small world, huh?" she commented. "Oh, hey, Rose."

The now melted ice queen smiled at Bella and me as she approached the bar. A few feet away, she stumbled but managed to regain her balance before face planting on the floor. She smiled sheepishly. "Hey, guys."

"Hello, Rose," I greeted her.

Bella started mixing her a drink, apparently not even needing to ask what she wanted. Rose looked over at Emmett and Jasper. "It's weird that Emmett didn't mention that his old roommate from college was coming to town," she said, accepting the drink from Bella with a smile.

"Emmett and Jasper were roommates in college?" I asked, surprised.

Rose nodded. "You know Jasper?"

"Yeah…we were best friends when we were kids," I replied. "I um, lost contact with him after high school."

"It's a small world," Rose commented and sipped her drink. "In college, Jasper had the most annoying girlfriend. I always suspected that she was on speed because she was so damn hyper all the time. And her mood swings…ugh. When I was down visiting Emmett, we used to check into a motel for the weekend just to avoid her. I hope Jasper wised up and dumped her moody ass."

I snorted. "That description sounds familiar."

Rose's eyes flew to meet mine. "You know her, too?"

"Well, it does sound an awful lot like my twin sister, Alice, and I know they've been together on and off since sophomore year of high school," I replied. "They got engaged three days after graduation, and my parents were oddly delighted."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Edward! I didn't mean to insult your sister," Rose said, flushing crimson.

I laughed. "Don't worry about it, Rose. Honestly. She made the choice to turn her back on me eight years ago, so nothing you say about her will offend me. Hell, if you catch me in the right mood, I might join you if you want to bash her further."

"I'm still embarrassed," Rose said. "I really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut."

"It's fine," I assured her. "If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you that she acted like a really uncompassionate bitch when I was in the hospital after Afghanistan. Don't apologize for calling them like you see them."

"Is there anyone in your life from before the Army who _isn't_ shitty?" Bella asked, wrinkling her nose. "Really, I think you should adopt James as your sister rather than this Alice woman."

"It would be an upgrade, that's for sure," I said with a chuckle.

I worked for another hour before I couldn't avoid the end of the bar where Jasper and Emmett were seated any longer. James had cornered me earlier to gush about how _dreamy_ Jasper was and asked why I had been hiding him for so long. Someone certainly had a new crush.

"Hey, Emmett," I said.

"Hey, man!" he greeted me. "So how cool is it that we all know each other, huh?"

"When you told me you were in Forks, it didn't even register with me that Emmett might be here still," Jasper said. "We were roommates in college."

"Yeah, I know. Rose just told me," I replied.

I stood around listening as the two of them recalled their epic college days with frat parties, pranks, and whatnot. Not having gone to college myself, I couldn't really relate to any of it. I just kept thinking that while they had been going to parties, egged some frat house, and doing what sounded like a minimal amount of studying, I had been risking my life in Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe in the end, the joke was on me, however. They both had educations now, while I just had a bum knee.

I listened to their stories between serving customers, and the more I heard, the more I realized that they had been really good friends in college. It was kind of ironic that my best friend and Jake's best friend had found each other, just as Jake and I had. Jasper hadn't supported my decision to join the Army, and Emmett hadn't been able to join with Jake like he had wanted to. In a roundabout way, the fact that Emmett obviously thought highly of Jasper – and had done so during a time where I had considered him nothing more than an epic asshole – counted to me. I had thought the world of Jake, and Jake's best friend seemed to vouch for Jasper – so how bad could he be? Maybe he really had just been a misguided youth who had been too in love with Alice to make up his own mind.

Emmett offered Jasper his couch for the night, and they left about an hour before closing time. Jasper had asked if I was free the next day for breakfast, and I had agreed. We would never be best friends again, that much I knew, but maybe we could just stop being awkward around each other.

James was pouting after Jasper had left with Rose and Emmett. "What the hell is in the water wherever you come from?" he asked me, sighing heavily. "You and the blond stud are so damn fine that a guy might just spontaneously combust. Why the hell aren't any of you gay?"

"Um, sorry?" I said with a grin

"Stop moping and come help me with the kegs, boy," Charlie called after him.

"Yes, sir, papa Swan," James replied. "You can comfort me."

"Like hell," Charlie replied, snorting, and disappeared out back with James in tow.

I laughed, and so did Bella at the other end of the bar. At least she did for a moment. Then I watched with a frown as she froze, and the bottle she had been holding slipped out of her hand and shattered against the floor. Her eyes were fixed on the door, and when I looked to see what had caused such a reaction in her, I saw a Native American guy grinning at her.

"Start pouring the beer, bitch. I'm thirsty," he ordered with a sneer as he sauntered up to the bar.

I didn't know who the hell the guy was, but I sure as hell didn't like him. And by the looks of it, neither did Bella.

"Are you deaf, you slut? I want beer!" he yelled.

The few customers left all turned their heads to look at him, and I saw red immediately. I walked around the counter to intercept him before he reached the end of the bar where Bella was frozen in place. Before I got to him, Charlie shot out from the storage area and grabbed his arm.

"You're not welcome here, and you know that," he said to the guy. "Now get the hell out of my bar! You're not even allowed to _look_ at my daughter!"

"Get off me, man. Your daughter is a little bitch who needs to be taught a fucking lesson," the idiot said, trying to get Charlie to let go off him arm by shoving him.

I rushed over to grab the fucker's other arm before he managed to hurt Charlie.

"Thanks, Edward," Charlie said to me. "Help me get this punk out of here."

"My pleasure," I replied, yanking the guy's arm around to his back, twisting it more than necessary.

"Ow! You're breaking my arm! Shit. Who the hell are you, anyway? If you're fucking Bella, I swear I'll kill you, man!" he yelled, trying to twist free.

He was a big guy, but I had no problem keeping a hold of him. The more words that came out of his mouth, the more I twisted his arm. I shoved him up the stairs with Charlie trailing behind us.

"If I ever see you on my property again, I'm calling the sheriff," Charlie told him. "And if you ever so much as mention Bella's name again, I'm gonna shoot you. You got that?"

The idiot didn't reply, so I twisted his arm further.

"Argh! Fuck! Yes! Just let go of my fucking arm!" he whined.

I twisted it a little extra before shoving him toward the parking lot. He looked back over his shoulder to glare at me, but he didn't say anything as he disappeared into the dark.

"Thanks, son," Charlie said and sighed. "I really wish I could just shoot that punk and be done with it. Would you mind staying here for a few minutes to make sure he doesn't come back? I need to make sure Bella is okay."

"Sure," I replied.

He squeezed my shoulder. "Thanks."

I looked in the direction the scumbag had disappeared off to while Charlie went back downstairs. I had no idea what had just happened, and I wasn't sure it was even any of my business. I couldn't get the image out of my mind of Bella, pale and rooted to the spot while the idiot spewed insults at her. I really wanted to shoot the bastard myself, too.

After ten minutes, there was no trace of anyone out in the parking lot, and I went back downstairs. It was closing time, and I nodded to a few customers on the stairs. Inside the bar, Bella was sitting at the counter sipping a glass of orange juice. I couldn't help but hope it was spiked with vodka, because she sure looked like she could use it. Charlie was at the cash register, and James was pacing while looking up at the shelves with liquor once in a while. As soon as he spotted me, he nearly ran over to me.

"How do you make a Molotov cocktail?" he asked. "This fierce bitch is gonna torch that fucker Embry's house!"

I hesitated. I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. If he broke into people's houses, maybe he torched them, too. I then looked over at Bella, who was still as pale as earlier, looking completely defeated. I had absolutely no clue what was going on, but I didn't like seeing the pretty firecracker like that.

I turned back to James. "You need a breakable bottle filled with gasoline and a wick soaked in alcohol."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading. If you want to help torch that fucker Embry's house, please bring your own bottles. The diva will provide the alcohol. We'll be on Twitter in the not very clever disguises, shelikethesound and d_inspiration. See you next time!


	10. Undertow

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Many thanks and love to our Dust Team: sherryola, jointgifts, and nowforruin. And we appreciate all the alerts, reviews, favorites and recs you guys keep sending our way. It makes our day.

Ready for another chapter?

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 - <strong>**Undertow**

I took another gulp out of the glass in front of me. _Fucking Fuzzy Navels_. When I had asked James to make me a stiff drink, I should have known he would give me some kind of girly shit. Orange juice and Peach Schnapps was not what I had been thinking—a shot of tequila or whiskey would have been my choice.

Maybe it was better I wasn't in charge of the drink making, because I probably would have been downing the liquor straight from the bottle. The alcohol left a slight burn in my throat as I swallowed. I wished that it had also burned the places on me that lowlife had touched once upon a time, erasing all of the pain he had caused. It was no use, though. I couldn't remove the memory of what he'd done, and it would always be a part of me.

I turned my head—James and Edward were at the end of the bar in an intense discussion. James had an empty bottle in his hand, listening to Edward with rapt attention. Edward was talking while motioning with his hands to the bottle, and the sight made me curious. I picked up my drink, walking to where they were standing. I needed something to take my mind off of the appearance of my ex-boyfriend in the bar and figured that whatever they were up to would do it.

"—sure you throw it as hard as you can. Otherwise, the bottle won't break," Edward explained with his hands.

"What in the hell are you two idiots up to?" I asked. Both men jumped and turned toward me. James hid the bottle behind his back, and a huge grin spread across his face.

_Fuck_.

A smile like that from James could only mean one thing…he was plotting Embry's demise. The quirky diva took great delight in planning out all kinds of horrible things that could happen to my scumbag ex. The night I told James about Embry for the first time, I'd had to explain why ordering nitroglycerine online to make a car bomb was a bad idea.

He had tried to convince me that prison didn't scare him because all inmates were gay. I'd asked him how he figured that, and he'd said Oz taught him everything he needed to know. Only James would cite a cable prison show as his source. Yet, when I'd told him his pretty pink ass would be overused because he was a fine looking man, he'd backtracked. Apparently, the idea of being everyone's bitch was a turn off. _Go figure_.

"Oh, nothing. We were just talking," Edward said, his voice raising slightly.

"Uh huh." I nodded at Edward and then turned toward James. "So, James, how are we killing Embry this time?"

Edward's eyes went wide while James brought the bottle back in front of him, placing it on the bar with a flourish.

"Sugar lips here is teaching me how to make Molotov cocktails," James said, bouncing on his toes. "I'm going to go all James Bond on his ass by sneaking onto the reservation so I can set his house on fire."

I set my glass down and rubbed my forehead with my hand. "You do know that the entire reservation could go up in flames, right? They don't have their own fire department and have to rely on the one here in Forks."

"Boo, there goes my plans to show double-oh-seven what a man in a tux is supposed to look like. I would have been fuckhot, too," James said with a pout.

"Yes, you would have." I patted his arm, hoping to placate him.

James picked up his bottle and went to the back room.

"How in the hell…?" Edward started to say.

"James is always trying to plan out Embry's murder," I said with a wave of my hand. "Last time, it was some kind of fucked up BDSM scenario without the sex."

Edward let out a loud laugh and shook his head. I giggled, joining him in his merriment and trying to forget what had transpired earlier. We went on like that for a few seconds, and then Edward let out a sigh, wiping his eyes.

"Are you okay?" He fidgeted with his shirt. "I mean…never mind. It's none of my business."

He started to walk away, and I found myself grabbing his arm. Edward looked at me with his brow raised, confusion clear on his face. I was a little perplexed myself, because I wasn't sure why I had stopped him. I just knew I didn't want him to go.

"It's not a pretty story, Edward. You're better off without that shit corrupting your brain," I muttered in a dark tone.

"You're not the only one that has demons, beautiful." As soon as the words left his mouth, he turned beet red. Interesting.

"Look, I understand if you don't want to tell me. If you do, though, I just want you to know I'm here," he admitted, raising his hand and then letting it drop to his side.

I looked at his face, seeing that he was serious. Really, I didn't know if I could tell him about the horror of my past with Embry. I'd lived through it, and although _I_ didn't even want to know about it, something made me want to open up to him. He had been a stranger I was convinced was stalking me not long before, but I had come to trust him. Edward was my friend, and when I thought about it, I didn't care if he knew about my past. I just didn't want it to hurt him.

"Not here," I whispered, shaking my head.

He looked at me dumbly.

"If you really want to know, come by my apartment later after we finish up. I don't want to talk about it in the bar." I said, not wanting to have that conversation but feeling like it was necessary.

"Okay." He continued to look at me with confusion. "When do you want me to come by?"

"Any time after we're done. I'll see you then." I walked away from him, picked up my glass on the bar, slammed it, and shuddered. _Holy mother of fuck. That shit is nasty_.

I didn't talk to Edward for the rest of the night as we closed up. After Embry the Ass had made his appearance, the customers had found out quickly there wasn't going to be a show and left. To, no doubt, spread rumors about how Crazy Bella's ex-boyfriend had come to the bar and rendered the bitch speechless. Very few people in the town had any clue about what had gone down between Embry and me, and that was how I liked things.

When I finished, I waved to Edward and made my way back to the office. Dad was already seated behind the desk, counting out the night's earnings. The nights my father worked meant I didn't have to stay late to count the money. He insisted that he be the one to do it, since he was only working two or three days a week at the bar. I had requested to be the one to close when I had started. He had been killing himself working both the bar and the diner for too long, and I'd wanted to alleviate his stress. Plus, I knew my mother liked having her husband around more.

"I'm heading out. Night, Dad." I waved and stared toward the door.

He stopped what he was doing and motioned me over. I sighed, complying. I knew he wanted to talk about what had happened. It wasn't necessary—I was fine.

"So, you okay, kiddo?" he asked, leaning forward in the chair and placing his hands on the desk.

"I am now," I looked down at the floor. "It was just a shock. I haven't seen him in months. I don't know what the hell he was thinking."

"That was his problem…he wasn't thinking. Bella, maybe I should hire a bouncer to watch the doors." Charlie rubbed his chin in contemplation.

"Dad," I started to argue with him. "It's not necessary. I appreciate the offer, though."

"Yeah, you're probably right. We do have Edward, after all," he said with a smile.

I blew out a breath.

"I'm telling him tonight," I said, watching his face for a reaction. His smile got wider, and if I wasn't mistaken, there was a sparkle in his eye. _Motherfucking fuck_. He was just as crazy as James when it came to Edward. If I wasn't careful, both of them would have me married off to him in no time.

"I think that's wonderful, sweetheart. He needs to know about that asshole, and…" my father leaned back in his seat, eyeing me.

"Oh my God!" I yelled, resisting the urge to throw a fit. "Edward and I are just friends, nothing else. So, whatever you're thinking, get it out of your head."

"One of these days, she's going to see how perfect they are for each other," he muttered under his breath. I was sure he thought I didn't catch the comment, but I did. I chose to ignore it, however, because admitting otherwise would open up an entirely different discussion I wasn't prepared to have with my father.

"Goodnight, old man. I love you, even though you drive me nuts," I said in a mocking tone.

He laughed, holding his stomach. "Get out of here, daughter, before I evict you."

I chuckled and left the room, thinking about my father. We had the type of relationship where we could joke with one another. It was the same kind that Jake and my dad had had, and I was glad it was one thing that was going to live on…even if my brother couldn't.

Edward was standing outside my door as I stepped off of the final step leading to the second floor. He was running his hand through his hair nervously and hadn't seen me yet. I couldn't help but admire him as I walked toward him. Under any other circumstance, I would have probably jumped the man at first glance. He was gorgeous, and very much the type I would go for. However, I was broken, and he was my dead brother's best friend. Not a good combination to start something, in my honest opinion.

"Hey, have you been standing here long?" I asked softly.

He jumped at the sound of my voice and turned red. "Oh, uh, no…I haven't been here long," he answered, smiling sheepishly.

I took the keys to my door out of my pocket and unlocked the deadbolt along with the main lock. Opening the door, I motioned for him to follow me. When I was inside, I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Jack along with two glasses. I walked back into the living room, and Edward was seated on the couch. Placing the glasses and bottle on the coffee table, I sat down next to him.

"What's this for?" he asked, motioning toward the items.

"If I'm going to tell this, I need alcohol. Lots of it," I explained, pouring each of us a glass. He nodded, and I handed him one. The other I threw back like a shot, letting the alcohol calm my nerves.

"Listen, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Edward assured. "Or, if it helps, I can tell you about my asshole family. You know, I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

_Oh, honey. I'll be happy to show you anything you want if I get to see that gorgeous cock again first_.

I cleared my throat and turned, giving him my full attention while trying to erase the image my perverted interpretation of his words caused. Ever since his friend had come in, before the Embry debacle, I'd wondered what the story was between those two. I figured it was probably bad, since Edward had cut his friend out of his life—it had to be.

"Okay, I'll bite. What's up with your family, and that guy that showed up tonight? Jackson...or whatever his name is," I said, relieved I wasn't the one going first.

Edward laughed. I was glad he seemed to take the bait, because I, truthfully, could use the extra time to prepare.

"Well, _Jasper_ and I had been friends since we were kids," he began, emphasizing his friend's name.

"We did everything together, and I always thought we had the type of friendship where he'd have my back…no matter what. I was so naïve back then." He shifted and sat up straighter.

"When I was deciding what I wanted to do with my life, he kept pushing for me to go to college and become a lawyer like he was going to be, or a doctor like my dad. At the time, I saw his suggestion for what it was—a way to get in good with my father. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before he proposed to Alice, and any points he could score with the good doc were great for him." He took a sip of his Jack and then continued.

"I'd looked at different colleges, realizing quickly it wasn't for me. I sent in the applications and got back a few acceptance letters, but it was more to placate my parents than anything else. Instead, I was leaning toward becoming a firefighter or cop, because I felt like my calling was to help people."

I sat there, listening to every word he said with fascination. If it was possible, Edward had just gotten more attractive. _Fuck_.

"Imagine my surprise when, during career day, I ending up choosing to join the Army after asking questions while taking care of my draft registration. The recruiter made it sound like I'd be doing more good there than anywhere else, and I wanted that. So, as I drove home, I made the decision to enlist. Nothing had ever felt so right." He hunched over and placed his forearms on his thighs. The man looked defeated, and I knew that the bad part of the story was coming.

"When I let everyone know what I had decided, all hell broke loose. Esme told me that I was joining over her dead body, Carlisle threatened to cut me off, Alice was glad I had taken the heat off of her for her stupid career choice, and Heidi, well, she was a bitch about it."

"Wait, who was Heidi again? I don't remember you mentioning her," I said, confused.

"Oh, I might not have. She was just some girl I'd been dating at the time."

I had no idea why, but I wanted to punch the faceless Heidi. She had been in a relationship with Edward and had thrown it all away because she didn't like his choice of career? What kind of selfish bitch had she been anyway?

I was sure my emotions showed on my face, because he leaned over and place his hand on my knee.

"It's all right. It was doomed from the start." A bitter chuckle escaped him. "I ended up leaving after graduation, and I haven't looked back since. The first time any of them pretended to give a damn was when I was hit by that roadside bomb, almost lost my leg, and was in a coma. Even then, they only made sure I was alive. They didn't even bother to visit me."

My heart broke for Edward. No one should have to go through a traumatic experience without the support of their family. God, if I ever met them, there would be hell to pay. I cared for my family and friends greatly, and since Edward had made that list, they had better hope they never run into me.

"I can't even…" I started to say. "I mean…what the hell?"

"It's all right. I gave up caring about them long ago."

The look in his eye told me different, and the man gazing at me was someone who had been hurt by the people that were supposed to believe in him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him to take away his pain.

"Still though, they should have been there for you. That's what family is all about." I gave into the impulse and hugged him tight. He startled for a moment and then melted into my embrace. When I pulled back, he shrugged and turned away, looking like he didn't want to acknowledge my comment. I let it go, because I could see talking about it was making him uncomfortable.

"Now it's your turn."

I took a deep breath, trying to will my nervousness away.

"I guess it is," I muttered and poured another three fingers.

I slammed the drink, as well, and then looked down at my lap. There was no way I could face him when I began.

"I guess it all started back in high school. Embry Call lived on the reservation, but because they don't have their own secondary schools, he came to Forks with the rest of the kids. We became friends and started dating our senior year. I was a stupid kid, thinking I was in love. He was the first guy I'd ever dated and slept with, and I thought he was my forever. God, I was fucking wrong." I poured some more whiskey, continuing with my story.

"We stayed together while we went to community college in Port Angeles. My parents didn't have the means to send me to a four-year institution, and I was fine with it. Plus, Jake was off fighting for his country—I knew that it would break my parents' hearts if I left." I chanced a look at him, and he was staring at me intently. I lowered my gaze, resuming my tale.

"We were happy, and when I got an offer to intern at a prestigious company in Phoenix after graduation, I decided to take it. Embry said he'd move with me so I wouldn't be alone, and at the time, it had made my father feel better about it. I was excited to use my degree in business administration, I had my boyfriend with me that I loved dearly, and the possibilities were endless. It was a great time for me." I sighed in agitation over what I'd have to reveal next.

"The first time he hit me—" I rubbed my forehead, trying to keep those unpleasant memories from flooding me.

"Wait, did you say he hit you?" Edward asked, the anger clear in his voice.

"Um, yeah. I'm not going to be able to do this if you keep interrupting." I didn't want to be rude, but it was the only way I could get through my story.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

I reached over and placed my hand on his, where it was resting on his knee. "It's okay. I promise you can say whatever you want when I'm done." He nodded his head, and I started again.

"He apologized afterwards, and being the idiot I am, I forgave him. He said that it wouldn't happen again, and I believed him."

_Now here comes the hard part_, I thought.

"I stayed for almost a year, and it never got better. He went from hitting me every once in a while and telling me how sorry he was to beating me for the most trivial things and screaming at me when he was finished, blaming me for making him do it. I lived in fear and shame while I tried to hide my bruises. Embry wasn't stupid—he never left a mark that couldn't be covered up. However, one of my co-workers, Irina, figured it out anyway."I took a gulp of my drink, swallowing the brown liquid and relishing the burn.

"Her cousin had been abused, and she said she recognized the signs. Irina begged me for weeks to let her help me get away from him, but I refused. He still had a hold on me which made me think I couldn't leave him. One day, though, I'd had enough. I was tired of being afraid all the time, and I asked her to help me."He squeezed my hand, and the tears started. _Fuck, I hated being so weak_.

"She told me to wait until I knew he'd be gone and then pack my shit. She'd come over and help me get back home to Forks. The plan was perfect, except for one thing…I never knew when Embry would be home."

I started to sob.

"He was out of work and basically sponging off of me like a parasite. Embry would go out and fuck other women, or go out and get bombed at the bar down the street. The night I left him, I thought that luck was finally on my side. I called Irina to come get me and started packing. I only took what I could fit into my three small suitcases, and as I was putting things into them, he came home. We fought, I told him I was leaving him, and he grabbed me and beat me within an inch of my life. If Irina hadn't come when she did, I'd probably be dead right now."

A harsh breath escaped Edward, and he was shaking beside me.

"I woke up in the hospital, and my parents were there. They told me how sorry they were and that if had they known, they would have talked me out of moving out there with Embry. My dad even threatened to shoot him, but I told him no. I didn't want him to go to jail for my stupidity."

"I'm sorry, but I have to know. Why isn't he in jail?" He balled his fist on this thighs.

"The prosecutor said they didn't have enough evidence to go to trial." I grimaced, still bitter because the assholes that were supposed to make Embry pay were incompetent. "I can't believe he was able to get away with it."

I heard glass shattering, and I looked up. Edward had stood up, and he was red-faced and curling his fists tightly. I watched as he started to pace, cringing back into the sofa. In all honesty, his actions frightened me.

He must have noticed my movement, because he stopped.

"Hey," Edward got down on his knees in front of me. "I would never hurt you. I promise you're safe with me."

He relaxed, and I slowly started to let my guard down.

"What did your brother say when you told him?" Edward bit his fingernail.

His question made me pause. "I, uh, we never told Jake. He was in Iraq at the time, and I didn't think he needed to worry about something he couldn't do anything about, with him being so far away."

He nodded his head.

"Is it bad that I feel safer with you…more than I have with anyone else in a long time?" I hated feeling so vulnerable, but I had to know what he thought.

"No, it's not," he shook his head, staring at me. "That's what friends are for."

I laughed softly. "I'm kind of glad you started stalking me," I teased while wiping the tears from my face.

"Me, too," he said with a smile.

"Ugh. I'm sorry. You must be tired. You should go to bed."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll go pound on James's door and cuddle with him. I usually sleep with him when Embry shows his ugly face. I'll be fine," I shrugged, not wanting to inconvenience him.

"I can stay," he babbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mean, if you want me to. I can crash on the couch or whatever."

His offer sounded tempting. I knew the nightmares were coming, and the only way they would go away was if I felt somewhat safe. Not that sleeping with James made me feel secure. Embry, honestly, would kick the shit out of him if given the chance. The imaginary plots to kill my ex were just that…imaginary. James would never be able to take him on.

Edward, on the other hand, was in a whole other class. He had been in the Army, and from the letters Jake had sent, I knew that he had learned how to fend for himself. I felt safe with him, and I really wanted to say yes.

"Um, I can't let you sleep on the couch. It wouldn't be right, with your bad knee and all."

"Bella—"

_Mother of God_. The way he said my name made me quiver.

"Really, I wouldn't feel right."

"Just let me do this." He pulled out his lip and gave me a pathetic look.

_I am so fucked_.

"Okay, fine. You win. There are extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet. I'll see you in the morning." I turned toward my bedroom. He did not play fair.

"Goodnight, firecracker." His eyes flashed with amusement.

"Watch it," I threatened, walking toward my bedroom. Once I was inside, I shut the door and fell back against it. I had not expected his reaction, and it confused me. Sure, I had expected anger, but not at the level he'd shown.

I sighed, making my way to my dresser. After opening it, I pulled out my pajamas and changed into them. I wondered, as I slipped into my bed, what Edward would sleep in. He hadn't brought anything with him, after all.

_Knock it off, Bella, _I chastised myself_. He's just a friend. Quit thinking about him in his boxers. Ugh. And now I can't get that image out of my head_.

I punched my pillow and turned over, letting sleep claim me. The last thought that ran through my mind was filled with copper hair and green eyes.

~.~.~.~

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. The nightmares that usually accompanied a visit from Embry hadn't come. I attributed it to the soldier sleeping on my couch in the next room.

Huh.

I got out of bed and went toward the kitchen. As I passed the living room, I caught a glimpse of Edward passed out on my sofa. His legs were too long and were hanging over the edge of the arm. He looked so peaceful and gorgeous while he slept. I shook off those thoughts and continued toward the kitchen. The man deserved breakfast for braving that uncomfortable piece of furniture. I figured a homemade one would be well received.

Just as I was finishing up the bacon, I heard him let out a grunt. I smiled and plated the food, setting it on the table. The smell must have woken him up, because moments later, he was standing in my kitchen in all his sleepy glory. Edward's hair was tousled and looked like he'd had a good rest or been fucked senseless.

"You didn't have to do this," Edward stretched, raising his arms up. A sliver of skin was exposed with that action, showing the course hairs of his happy trail above the waist of his pants. The sight made me think of when I'd caught a peek of what he was packing, and I bit my lip hard, hoping to keep those thought from going any further.

_Christ. I really need to get laid_.

"Oh, uh, it's…um, okay."

_Now I also sounded like an idiot. Wonderful_.

I motioned for him to sit down, and he complied. I joined him, and we ate in silence. Edward dug into his food with enthusiasm, making me vow to myself that I would feed him more often. All of the diner food he'd consumed since he'd arrived wasn't good for him, and I really wanted him to stick around for a while. A heart attack from greasy food wouldn't be good.

"So, I was thinking," Edward said while he chewed. "You need to learn how to defend yourself, so I'm going to teach you a few things."

"That's okay," I said with a chuckle. "Jake tried to teach me a long time ago, and all I got down was the hair pulling, if you remember me telling you. I appreciate the offer, though."

"Well, Jake didn't have hand-to-hand combat training at the time, and I do," he pointed out.

"Really, it's—"

"Bella, let me do this," Edward commanded, crossing his arms. "I would feel a lot better if you knew how to take care of yourself. That asshole might get to you when you're alone, and I think Charlie would agree that it would be a good idea if you knew how to fight him off, if necessary."

Demanding Edward was hot, I decided, and throwing my father into the discussion was a low blow. I knew that if he talked to Charlie, I wouldn't win. My only option was to relent. _Damn it_.

"Fine," I said with a sigh.

Edward smiled widely and stood up, holding his hand out for me. I took it and left the dishes where they were.

He led me into the living room and started to move the furniture around. Edward pushed and pulled the items until there was a large empty space in the middle. I'd tried to help a couple of times, but he just gently pushed me away. I quit and let him do his thing.

"Now, the most important thing to remember is to be aware of your surroundings," he explained, making eye contact. "You never know what you might be able to use as a weapon unless you look."

I nodded, listening to him.

"Come here." he motioned to the spot in front of him, and I stood where he wanted me. "Ideally, if you can get away, you should. However, sometimes you can't, so it's good to know a few things if the need arises."

He spun me around and my back hit his chest. Edward held me tightly, bringing his face close to my ear.

"What are you going to do?" His breath tickled my ear as he whispered, making me shiver.

"I don't know." I said, closing my eyes from the pleasurable feeling of being so close to him.

He positioned my arm and told me to try to break the hold on him. After a few times, I got away from him.

"Good," he said, complimenting me. "Now try this."

We spent the next couple of hours like that—Edward would show me a move and then let me practice on him. Little by little, I started to feel more confident in my ability to defend myself. He was patient, correcting me when I didn't get something quite right. I felt comfortable with each demonstration. The close proximity, though, messed with my mind somewhat, and it was the cause of a few mistakes. Edward didn't notice, or didn't acknowledge it, because he just kept going.

During a complicated move, I tripped over his legs. The action caused me to fall, taking Edward with me. I landed on my back with a thud, and he landed on top of me. I noticed immediately that our morning activities had aroused him. The way we were positioned, I could feel what I had only seen once pressed up against me perfectly.

And—_oh my God_—it felt wonderful against my core.

I looked up at his face, and he stared back at me with lust. He moved his face closer to mine, inch by agonizing inch. My eyes closed, and I could feel his breath on my lips.

"Hey, Indian Princess," James called out.

Edward jerked his head up.

"Well, no wonder there's no bun in the oven yet!" James stomped his foot. "You're doing it all wrong. You're supposed to take off your clothes, and then insert tab A into slot B."

Edward rolled off of me and then sat up. I huffed and glared as I righted myself. I was ready to kill me a Diva.

"How in the hell did you get in here?" I tried to act nonchalant by brushing my pant legs off.

"You left the deadbolt unlocked," James said in a sing-songy voice.

_Damn it all to hell_.

"Don't you have a crazy convention you need to attend…or something?" Edward narrowed his eyes at James.

"Oh, you're a riot, sweet treat." James cocked his head to the side, studying us. "No, I was coming over to see if you wanted to look at all the new baby clothes I found online. However, it seems I've jumped the gun a bit."

"Go away, you fruitcake," Edward said with a moan.

"Oh, I am," James promised.

"Halle-fucking-lujah." Edward threw his hand up in the air.

"Oh, no, I'm not Jesus," James waved his hand in front of his torso. "However, I will be your savior. I have to go get some supplies, because it seems some people were absent the day they taught sex ed."

Edward froze, and I jumped up.

"No way in hell—" I started to say.

"Shhh," James said, pinching my lips together. "You two need a serious intervention in the art of fucking, and Dr. Loves-the-Cock is going to teach you everything you need to know. Why, you'll be popping out Baby Cullen in no time, once the lesson is complete."

I smacked his hand away.

"Feisty," James winked at me. "That's the spirit, Indian Princess."

"Listen here, you pink nightmare," Edward had stood up and was right behind me.

"Again, love the attitude, Sparkle Pants. You need to chill, though. The teacher needs to get some supplies, so sit your cute butt on that couch. That goes for you, too, girl," James ordered, pointing toward the sofa. Edward and I stood rooted to our spots, glaring at him.

"Oh!" James squealed, clapping his hands. "I wonder if I can get that fine man Jasper to come help me with some one-on-one visuals."

With that last statement, he left and slammed the door behind him.

"Lock it…quick," I whispered and pointed.

Edward jogged over to the door, making sure both locks were secured.

"Fuck, he's coming back, isn't he?" Edward whined, punching the air.

"Yep," I gave him a wide grin. "Now, you need to show me some more moves. I need to put some hurt on his meddling Diva ass."

Edward's face broke out into a huge grin. "I know just the thing you can use, too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Cockblocked by the Diva. Who wants to cut up his clothes? We're providing the scissors!

You can find us on Twitter under the aliases d_inspiration and shelikethesound. Until next update!


	11. Love Potion

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews – you guys are so wonderful. *hugs everyone* Also thank you for all the alerts and RTs on Twitter. If we've missed replying to your reviews, we sincerely apologize. It's been a busy time for both of us. To our Dust team, nowforruin, jointgifts, and sherryola, we send cookies and sloppy kisses. You make Rusty look good.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 – Love Potion<strong>  
>EPOV<p>

Not a lot of things scared me after seeing and experiencing what I had. I was too jaded and had too little to lose. _Dr. Loves-the-Cock_ terrified me, though. The images my mind started to conjure up before I shut them down were… I shuddered. I needed brain bleach, and I needed lots of it.

After about an hour, I snuck out of Bella's apartment and locked myself in my own. I didn't want James catching me, and I certainly did not want to know about the _supplies_ he had been yapping about. I'd shown Bella some moves that would be more effective than hair pulling, and she'd have James in tears, begging for his mama, in less than twenty seconds.

The fucker from the night before was a different story, though. He was as big as Emmett, and he had nearly fucking killed her. His worthless life would be in serious danger if I ever saw him again. I might not have been as big as he was, but that didn't mean he'd continue breathing if I decided otherwise. On my mental list of the shittiest things to do, hitting a woman was very close to the top. It was the lowest of lows, and he deserved a much worse fate than I could come up with. Torture and death were too mild.

I went to shower, and when I emptied my pockets as I was undressing, I noticed that I'd missed four calls and received three texts. That was unusual. Every call and text was from Jasper. _Fuck. _The same Jasper I had agreed to meet for breakfast, and now it was almost lunchtime. I quickly texted him to apologize and asked him to meet me at the diner for lunch instead. He agreed without commenting on my forgetfulness. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

The shower did wonders for my back. It hadn't agreed with a night on Bella's couch, but pretty much my whole body had agreed with the self-defense training after breakfast – the body contact part of it, anyway. I squeezed my eyes shut under the spray of hot water.

_Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it._

_Crap. _

I reached out and turned the water to cold, hissing loudly when it hit my back. I needed a sign in my shower stall – _thoughts of the pretty firecracker not allowed. _Maybe I should have it say _Jake's sister_ instead of _pretty firecracker_. That might do the trick.

Less than an hour later, I stepped into the diner. Surveying the room, I spotted Jasper in a booth with Charlie. I waved at Sue, who was behind the counter, and made my way toward them.

"You remember that," I heard Charlie say.

"Yes, sir," Jasper said before he looked up and noticed me. He quickly averted his eyes, blushing.

I frowned. "Hi, guys."

Jasper nodded to me, and Charlie turned around. "Hello, son," he greeted me before turning back to look at Jasper. "I need to get back to work. It was nice to meet you, Jasper."

"You, too, sir," Jasper said formally.

Charlie smiled serenely at me before leaving. I sat down in the seat he had vacated and looked expectantly at Jasper. "All right, what was that about?"

"Nothing," Jasper replied quickly.

"Bullshit," I countered and sent him a look I hadn't used in a long time. I had mastered it when I had been dealing with privates who thought they could get their bullshit past me.

It seemed to work on Jasper, too. He bit the inside of his cheek and sighed. "You have people who really care about you here, Edward. Mr. Swan was just reminding me of that fact."

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn't really know what to say. The fact that Charlie had…well, whatever he had said to Jasper, I was touched that he cared enough to even bother.

"You know I'm not here to cause trouble, right?" Jasper continued. "And I couldn't be happier for you that you have a place and people that mean something to you, just like you do to them. After the way your own family and your best friend treated you, you deserve to have some decent people in your life."

"Thanks…I guess," I said. What did he expect me to say?

Jasper nodded with a small smile. "So, tell me about how you're doing now. You said you were here visiting a friend originally, but then got offered the bartending job?"

I nodded. It was technically true, and also the watered down version I had offered him over the phone. Figuring if we were going to try to revive our long dead friendship, I had to make an effort, too, so I told him the more detailed version. I told him about Jake, about Afghanistan, and about how the Swans had welcomed me in Forks.

Jasper listened like he had back when we were friends. It was strangely comforting. He, in turn, told me about how he had ditched all thoughts of going to law school after completing pre-law in college. It had been another wedge in his failing relationship with Alice. With me not going to college at all, and Jasper abandoning his law school ambitions, it had been up to her alone to fulfill all my dad's stuffy ambitions. According to Jasper, she hadn't done so well, feeling pressured into law school and hating every minute of it.

"She dropped out and works as the PA for some executive," Jasper said. "Carlisle isn't happy, but it beats the alternative she had planned originally. After dropping out of law school, she wanted to sell cosmetics. I was sure your dad was gonna have a heart attack when she told him."

I didn't care about my dad's reaction to a touch of reality. How he had ever thought he could play Alice and me – hell, even Jasper – as his own personal puppets was beyond me. "What about you?" I asked. "What are you doing if you didn't go to law school?"

"Here you are, boys," Sue interrupted, setting down a tray with food on the table. I realized we hadn't even gotten around to ordering yet and looked at her, amused. She smiled at me. "Everybody likes burgers, Edward, and everybody _loves_ mine. See, I even brought you coleslaw."

I chuckled. "Thank you, Sue. You're the best."

"And sadly, I know it," she said, winking. "Enjoy!"

"Thank you," Jasper and I chorused like the spoiled bastards we were.

I quickly snatched the portion with the biggest helping of coleslaw. "That's clearly mine," I said with a grin.

Jasper laughed. My love for all things coleslaw was not new, so he knew all about it. His own coleslaw intake was all normal and boring. In fact, rating people by how much they enjoyed their coleslaw was not a bad way of separating the good from the bad. The pretty firecracker also knew how to slather it on generously, as did Charlie. I didn't know about Sue, but she seemed too awesome not to be a coleslaw lover, too. She was Jake's mom, after all.

"I'm glad they're indulging your coleslaw obsession around here," Jasper said. "Remember when your mom tried to make it?"

"Ugh," I said, wrinkling my nose. "That shit was not coleslaw. It was…drowned salad?"

"I don't know what it was, but it was definitely horrible. They have a cook now, you know," he told me.

"No offense, man, but I really don't care," I said, leaning back in my seat and looking at him. "I know they're my parents, but they're also strangers to me. They have no interest in me, and frankly, the feeling is mutual. Tell me about what you've been up to instead."

He nodded, and I knew he understood. A lot of time had passed, and we had both grown and been through a lot. But deep down, we still knew each other.

"Well," he said, beginning to smile. "After everything had settled down after you left and the excitement of the engagement wore off, I started thinking if maybe you had been onto something. I wrestled with it for years, but finally I decided that I wanted to go my own way instead of Carlisle's. When we were around ten years old, do you remember what I wanted to be when I grew up?"

I thought back and smiled. "Yeah. You wanted to be a detective. When we played, you always insisted on being Sherlock Holmes, and I had to be that dopey Watson. We'd either stash Alice somewhere and pretend that she'd been kidnapped, or cover her in strawberry jelly and tell her to be a dead body."

Jasper nodded satisfied. "Exactly. I'm a private investigator. I have a small business in Seattle."

"For real?" I asked, gaping slightly. That was possibly the coolest thing ever.

"Yes," he confirmed. "Neither Carlisle or Alice was impressed with that decision, so I got a taste of what you went through. Only I was four years older than you were when you went through it and still had my family and all my friends from college. You didn't have anyone."

"I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't suck," I said after sampling the coleslaw. It was excellent, of course. "There were so many times when I could have used some support from home, even if it was just knowing they were there, waiting for me to come home safe. At the same time, it made me grow up when I needed to. I don't know…if I'm honest, I don't think as much about them now as I used to when I was deployed.

"But hey, fuck that. It's all in the past. Dude, you're a private dick!" I laughed as he cringed at the term, but he had used it himself in the past, so there was no mercy from me.

"Yeah, calling it that was a lot more fun when it wasn't my job," he admitted sheepishly.

He told me about his work while we ate. It wasn't as glamorous as I'd expected, but there were some really interesting aspects, and I was happy that he had followed his own dreams instead of my dad's. It earned him a lot of plusses in my book. Before we parted ways after lunch, he told me that he would be sticking around for another day or two. He said he'd be at the bar that night and to please keep the clingy, flirting dude away from him. I just laughed. James' fascination with Jasper kept him out of my hair.

Sue refused to let me pay for lunch, so I stayed behind to bus a few tables and help out with whatever I could. Then I picked up groceries and did some laundry. I felt almost normal. At least until I spotted James in his fluffy bunny slippers, and I had to run to make it into my own apartment before he saw me. Crazy neighbors were normal, too, right?

I fixed myself some dinner before heading down to work. It was nice to cook, even if I wasn't that good at it. As long as it was better than what they served on deployments, I was happy, though. And it was. Compared to that slobber, my own creations in the kitchen were gourmet meals. In Afghanistan, when the food had been particularly bad, Jake had drowned whatever slop we'd been served in ketchup, closed his eyes, and chanted _coleslaw, coleslaw, coleslaw_ while he ate. He had insisted that it helped.

I smiled sadly at the thought of my friend and looked around my apartment. _His_ apartment. I wondered what our lives would have been like today if the sniper attack and roadside bomb hadn't happened. Jake would probably have been right here, living in this apartment and working the job I now had. He would have been laughing and living with his friends and family, and he and Bella would have been taking the shit out of James. I would probably have been preparing for another tour overseas, seeing no reason to linger stateside when I could be of use somewhere. Had it not been for my bad knee, I would probably have made the Army my life until the day I got too old. The thought alone was enough to make me partly depressed now that I had gotten a taste of civilian life. If only Chief was here…

There was a loud banging on the door, and I startled from my thoughts. "Chop chop, lamb chop! We've got thirsty people to serve and delicious asses to ogle!" James called through the door. "And I know you're not making babies because Bella is out here, and you can't make babies on your own!"

I snorted and put my dish in the sink. The guy was more baby obsessed than any woman I had ever met. Making sure I had my keys and cell phone, I left the apartment and somber thoughts behind. Bella and James were waiting outside my door – him humping a large green plant and her shaking her head while trying not to laugh. I decided not to ask.

It was a relatively busy night at the bar. At least busy enough for me to miss Rose, Emmett, and Jasper arriving. Suddenly, Rose was seated in front of me, though, smiling at me like I was her new best friend.

"Hey, Rose," I greeted her.

"Hello, Edward," she replied. "I'd like a Tequila Sunrise and permission to punch Jasper, please."

"Coming ri-" I started and then frowned. "Um, what?"

"Get working on that Tequila Sunrise, and I'll explain the second part," she replied.

"Yes, ma'am," I muttered. A moment later, I placed the drink on the counter and looked expectantly at her.

She smirked and took a sip. "Not bad, newbie. Now, can I please punch Jasper?"

"Thanks," I said. "And um, why are you asking me?"

She shrugged. "I just thought I'd be polite. He told Emmett and me over dinner exactly what kind of craptastic friend he'd been to you. I then figured I had a choice – I could be the friend of Emmett's random college roommate with the annoying, druggie girlfriend, or I could be the friend of someone Jake thought very highly of. It wasn't a difficult choice. And you may be a tough soldier and all that, but I'd totally punch Jasper in your honor. Well, if I don't trip first, that is."

I laughed, but I was genuinely touched because I had no doubt that she was being serious. "I appreciate it, but please don't punch anyone on my account. Jasper and I kissed and made up."

"So unfair," James commented as he passed behind me.

"But he was such an epic asshole!" Rose objected. "How can you just forgive something like that?"

"It was a long time ago, and we were both young," I replied. "My dad tried to influence him just like he did me, and for a while it was easier for him to control Jasper because of Alice. I don't know. When he first contacted me, I didn't want to even talk to him, but now I'm kinda glad that I did. He'll never be my best friend again, but after everything, I'll settle for less."

She frowned and sipped her drink. "You're a better person than I am."

I shook my head and thought about all the people I had killed, all the people I had let down and disappointed, and all the different choices I could have made. "No, I'm not."

Rose shrugged with a smile. "We'll just agree to disagree. I'm just glad you're not the creepy stalker I thought you were."

I snorted. I really liked Rose. I went to serve some other customers, and that took me further toward the end of the bar where Emmett and Jasper were sitting. I overheard Bella talking to them – well, talking to Emmett. She seemed to be giving Jasper the cold shoulder and ignoring his attempts to get her to talk with him.

I chuckled to myself. She was pretty fucking amazing. Between her, Charlie, and Rose, I seemed to have my own little private army, ready to stand up for me. It was exhilarating to have people like that in my life, and I sure as hell wasn't going to take them for granted. I didn't know what I had done to deserve them other than being lucky enough to call Jake my friend, but I was going to treasure them, that much was certain. As long as they wanted me to keep sticking around, I couldn't come up with one single reason to ever leave Forks. It was like when I had found my place in the Army – I felt like I belonged.

I served a sullen-looking Renee, who was no doubt disappointed that Charlie wasn't working. According to Bella, Renee never showed her face at the diner because she was scared of Sue. She just had to wait for the nights Charlie worked at the bar. The poor woman had been trying to get his attention for more than twenty years. Bella had told me so. It kind of made me feel sorry for her – wanting something she couldn't get for that long.

I tried talking to her, but she ignored me whenever I wasn't bringing her a new drink. Instead I overheard Bella tell Jasper how proud she and everybody else had been when Jake had joined the Army. The pretty firecracker didn't need to learn self defense – her words were enough to make a grown man cry. I couldn't help but smile as she continued to tell him how she and Rose had made cookies and treats for Jake's platoon when he had been overseas, because every soldier deserved to be reminded of how much the people back home appreciated his or her sacrifice. _Ouch. _Jasper needed to watch out before he _really_ pissed her off.

James marched up to me like a diva on a mission. I hoped it didn't involve any talk of babies. "You. Me. Back room. Now," he said, prodding a finger in my chest to accentuate each word.

"Um, no thanks," I replied.

"It wasn't a request, sugar cane. It's serious business," he said and tried to push me toward the back room.

I didn't move an inch. He seriously needed to start working out if he wanted to push me around.

"I'll climb up on the bar and tell everyone how much I enjoyed it when you licked my nipples last night if you don't move right now," he threatened.

"What the fuck?" I spluttered. "You wouldn't!"

"Try me," he said with a smirk.

I sighed and hung my head. One of these days, I would need the upper hand when it came to James. Maybe I needed to enlist Bella and Emmett's help. Surely Jake's old pranking partners could come up with something to make the diva simmer down a bit.

James knew he had me and waltzed ahead of me out back. Once we were out of earshot from the bar and its patrons, he turned to me. "Okay, man meat. As much as I'd like you to actually lick my nipples, I have some serious issues I need to address. First of all, why the ever-loving fuck didn't you tell me that Donkey Dick out there was an asshole – and not in the good way?"

"Jasper?" I asked, ignoring most of his ramblings. "Who said he was an asshole?"

"He said so himself, which I suppose counts for something, but he can be as divinely delicious as he wants, but if he doesn't treat you well, he automatically goes on my shit list," he said and took a much needed breath. "It doesn't really matter if he's got the bluest eyes I've ever seen, or the softest looking hair, or an ass that is just begging to be bitten, or thighs I just wan-"

"I get it!" I interrupted, suppressing a shudder at the thought of _anyone_ biting Jasper's ass. That was just…_ugh_.

"Of course you do. After all, it's pretty obvious how gorgeous he is," James agreed. "I just wanted to assure you that you're far more gorgeous, so I've got your back, lover. If he messes with you, I'll karate chop his pretty ass for you."

"As disturbing as that thought is, thank you, James. I appreciate it," I said. "I'm sure it won't be necessary for you to do _anything_ to his ass, though." Where was that brain bleach when you needed it?

He gave me a satisfied nod. "All right, onto the second part of the agenda for the evening. I officially call your bullshit."

"What bullshit?" I asked.

"Whatever bullshit you and the Indian princess are trying to feed me," he replied, narrowing his eyes at me. "How stupid do you think I am, huh? There's no way you two have even attempted to make babies, and I don't know why you would lie to me so cruelly. All I do is love you."

He looked like he might actually start crying, and I was a little torn. I didn't like lying, but I also didn't want to tattle on Bella since it had been her idea. "Why do you think we haven't tried to…um…aren't together?"

"Oh, please," he scoffed. "If you'd practicing for babies, you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other. I sure as hell wouldn't if I'd had you writhing naked in my bed. Just sayin'."

I closed my eyes briefly and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. "Bella thought it might get you off our backs, and I kinda agreed. No offense, but we don't need a pushy matchmaker."

"Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, baby cakes," he crooned. "But seriously, why don't you want my help if you love her, but you aren't together?"

I stared at him, replaying his words in my mind. _If you love her…_ If I loved her? Did I love Bella? I thought about the look in her eyes when we talked about Jake, the sound of her laugh when we ganged up on James, how her body had felt against mine when I had been teaching her self-defense techniques, how she had stood up for herself that first day outside the cemetery, how scared and broken she had looked when her stupid ex had come to the bar, how undeniably beautiful she was, and how her big heart had changed my life before I had even met her.

I vaguely heard James calling my name before running out of the room, screaming for someone to call 911. However, I was too preoccupied to care. My whole world was shifting around me, and it felt similar to an earthquake or a missile hitting nearby, only without the structural damage and the casualties.

Bella came running in, and that made me smile. Gone was the earthquake, and I knew. I had fallen for the pretty firecracker. James was going to buy more baby clothes when I admitted it to him, I just knew it.

"Edward? Edward, answer me, damn it! Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor?" Bella fussed. "James, go get a chair and a glass of water. Maybe his knee is hurting."

I shook myself out of it. Returning to reality was like venturing out on the first patrol the first time I had been overseas – pretty fucking scary. In my head I could be in my own little love bliss, but in the real world I had to deal with the consequences – either act on my feelings or watch her love someone else. Scary shit for a mentally stumped ex-soldier who hadn't talked about his feelings in years, and who had no idea how to treat a lady.

"I'm okay," I told Bella while avoiding her eyes. I was afraid she might see right through me and laugh. "I just…I just got caught up in my head, that's all."

Bella paled, and I wondered what the hell I had said. "About…what happened in Afghanistan?" she asked softly.

_Aw, hell._ How did this go from love to war traumas? I didn't want to lie to Bella, but I also couldn't be honest – at least not right then. So I tried both and probably failed. "No, not exactly," I replied. "Just some stuff. You know how you sometimes realize something important, and it takes your breath away because it was so damn obvious, but you just didn't see it?"

She looked at me curiously. "Um…sure?"

I snorted and shook my head. "Never mind. I'm sorry I worried you and James, but I'm fine."

"James came out screaming that you had fallen into a coma, and that we should call 911 and ask them for a helicopter so you could be airlifted to Seattle. He was also willing to donate a kidney and give blood," she said, finally cracking a smile again.

We walked out and met James by the door.

"Oh, sweetums! You're awake!" James cried and nearly tackled me to the floor in his eagerness to hug me. My back got slammed into the door frame, and for a brief second I almost wished I was in a damn coma. That shit hurt.

"Not for long if you don't stop choking me," I muttered.

"I'm sorry," he apologized and let go of me. He put a bar stool down. "Here you go, sit that squeezable ass of yours down. I'll get you a stiff drink. Unless, of course, there's something else you'd like stiff instead."

"James, leave him alone and go do your job," Bella said, trying not to laugh.

"Yes, boss lady. Just shout for me if the stud muffin needs mouth-to-mouth," he replied and saluted her.

I picked up the stool and put it away. "I'll just go back to work and pretend the past fifteen minutes never happened," I told her.

She laughed. "Good luck with that."

I got back to work. Between tasks, I admitted to myself that I didn't really want to pretend that my little epiphany hadn't happened, just the stuff that had happened after. I hated feeling like an idiot, and I hated hurting my back even more. Loving Bella, however… I grinned to myself, making Renee look at me like _I_ was the crazy one. _Loving Bella._ Loving Bella was a feeling I could definitely get used to.

The rest of the night flew by, and afterward I had no idea what I had been doing. I only hoped I had been serving the right drinks to the right customers. I barely even remembered Rose, Emmett, and Jasper leaving. I helped close up, but didn't follow Bella and James upstairs. Instead I stayed outside in the chilly night to try and get a little perspective that the semi-busy night at the bar hadn't offered me.

What did a man do when he finally realized that he loved a woman? I was so fucking clueless that it wasn't even funny. I hadn't been in love before, but I had no problems recognizing the feeling for what it was. I just knew somehow. I didn't know how to proceed, though. Did I ask her out? And ask her out where? And how? What if she just laughed at me? Or worse yet, told me to get lost and never show my face in town again? I needed help, and unfortunately there was only one person I could think of as a possibility.

A minute later, I was knocking on James' door. When he opened up, he was wearing only his fluffy bunny slippers and a big smile.

"You missed me, didn't you?" he greeted me.

"No, but I need your help. _After_ you get dressed, that is," I replied. "It can wait until the morning, though. I don't want to um, interrupt whatever you were doing."

"Me? I wasn't doing anything," he said innocently, looking down at himself. "Oh, you mean the no clothes bit. Well, I could say that I was waiting for you, but that would be a lie. I was just airing my junk."

I choked on a laugh. "Airing your junk?"

He nodded. "You'd enjoy being aired, too, if you spent all day stuffed down a pair of jeans. Just sayin', teddy bear. Now come on inside and sit your bitable ass down while I slip into something uncomfortable."

He disappeared into his bedroom, and I sat down on the couch. His apartment had a very interesting décor. It was very James. There were brightly colored pillows everywhere, and the furniture was an eclectic mix of old, modern, and plain weird. The artwork on the walls was…erotic? Pornographic? I had no clue, but it was full of naked people.

I was rethinking my decision to ask him for advice when he came back into the living room. He was still wearing the bunny slippers, but thankfully also a pair of jeans and a basketball shirt. He plopped down on the couch next to me.

"So, butter butt. What's up? Tell Auntie James all about it," he said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, it's about Bella and what you said down in the bar…"

"You love her and need my help because you only know how to train hunky soldiers – not how to woo someone," he stated.

"Basically, yes," I admitted. "I haven't been in a real relationship since high school. I saw how the other guys struggled to be away from their girlfriends or wives, and I didn't want to put anyone in a situation like that for my sake."

"That was very noble of you, but also very stupid. Anyone would want to wait for you to come home, sweet cheeks. It's a fact," he said and tilted his head speculatively. "I think the best way to get the Indian princess out of her funk and notice that she can't possibly live without your hunky self is to make her jealous. Everyone wants what they can't have. Just look at poor, little me."

"Make her jealous how? Isn't that kind of mean?" I asked. "I just figured I could ask her out or something."

"No, no, no, no. You need to get her attention, or she might not think you mean it as a real date. Trust Auntie James on this – I know my princess. And it's harmless. You just flirt a little with the women – and men if you feel so inclined – who come into the bar. Give 'em that dazzling smile of yours, and they'll be drooling so much that Bella will get jealous. It's completely fool-proof."

I wasn't so sure, but when he started talking about pedicures instead, I decided that it was time to leave. I thanked him for his advice and promised to try it out. If it backfired, I vowed to buy a shotgun and shoot him.

A little later, I had showered and was lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep. I thought about the pretty firecracker, and how lucky I was to have her in my life – both in Afghanistan, where she'd kept me sane without knowing it, and here where she gave me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. I grinned to myself.

I loved Bella.

My grin faltered. Jake would have kicked my ass. _Shit. _And Charlie was going to shoot me.

_Damn._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Would you listen to advice from the diva? Thanks for reading! We'll see you next time – until then, keep an eye on the blog – **www(dot)sheisdivine(dot)blogspot(dot)com** – and Twitter – **shelikethesound** & **d_inspiration** – where we'll be posting teasers.


	12. Backfire

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Many thanks and love to our wonderful Dust team: nowforruin, sherryola, and jointgifts. Without their wonderful advice and help, this story would not be possible. And we continue to be thankful to all of you who read, rec, review, alert, and favorite this story.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12 - Backfire<strong>

**BPOV**

"Whoo-hoo!" James cried out, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Take it off and show Daddy the goodies, sweet thing!"

"Oh. My. God," Rose said, burying her face in her hands. The blush on her face glowed in the dark club. "Why did I agree that he could come again? Seriously, Bella, this is so damn embarrassing."

I laughed hard at my friend's discomfort, taking a drink of my mojito. James was standing right next to the stage, waving dollar bills at the male stripper who was wiggling his ass.

It was two weeks before Rose's wedding, and I had talked her into taking a trip up to Seattle for a bachelorette party. As the maid of honor, it was my duty to make sure my best friend had one last hurrah before she married the big goof a man and my other best friend, Emmett. So I convinced Rose, my mom, Leah, and a couple of other girls Rose and I were friends with to make the trip. I picked Seattle especially for the all-male revue Jessica Newton had mentioned it was coming to a club in Seattle around that time. She and I were still friends even after James had set her up with her current husband, Mike. After that fuckery, I was surprised she still talked to me.

~.~.~.~

Jessica and I had talked about the strip club idea one night when she came into the bar, a few days beforehand. She was practically bouncing in excitement when she showed me the flyer and stated we _had_ to go. I figured, why the hell not? The only man I'd seen naked in the past six months was Edward, and well, I wasn't opening that can of worms.

While we discussed the particulars of the bachelorette party, James walked by and froze.

"Please tell me you are not planning on going and seeing a bunch of delicious men get naked without inviting me to the festivities," James whispered, glaring at us.

We both cracked up.

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of seeing male strippers without you, dear." Jessica patted James' arm.

"I knew I loved you for a reason, sugar plum," James said with a wink.

"Hell, maybe one of us single girls will get lucky with one of those hunks," I stated, waving my hand.

I heard the sound of glass breaking, and I whipped around. Edward was standing off to the side with his hands clenched into fists. He looked as if he was trying to control his temper.

_Huh. I wonder why?_

"Hey, someone piss in your Cheerios or something?" I asked, perplexed.

"Uh, no," Edward said with barely repressed anger. "My knee is acting up. I think I need to sit down for a bit."

He escaped quickly to the back room.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna see if the stud pony needs a nurse," James said and ran off.

Jessica snorted.

"Oh, Cherry Pie!" James yelled as he walked through the door leading to the back room.

"Holy shit!" Jessica covered her mouth with her hand. "I cannot believe I have been missing out on this. Screw Mike wanting to stay at home all the time. I'm leaving his ass in his recliner, and I'm coming in here more often."

"What the hell are you yammering about, Jess?"

"That!" she exclaimed, pointing to the back room.

I sighed. "Jess, you have always known James is Looney Tunes."

"Bella, I am not talking about James. We all know something fell out when he was shaken as a baby. No, I mean the new bartender," she said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

I felt irrationally jealous at her comment. Damn it, I wanted to be the only one ogling "the new bartender." The last few days had been crazy. Edward had flirted with anything in a skirt, including Renee's skanky daughter, Angela. Quite frankly, it was starting to piss me off. I'd thought he was a pretty decent guy, and there he was, giving anything that batted their eyelashes attention. I didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Oh, don't think I don't see that look you're giving me, Miss Grumpy. All I meant was the hilarious banter between Mr. Hottie and James. I mean, if I didn't have Mike, I'd be all over that, but I'm a married woman. I'm not a whore," she explained, shaking her head. "I don't think I'd stand a chance anyway."

I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Bella, are you really that dense? That man practically undresses you with his eyes."

"I'm cutting you off, bitch. Obviously, you're drunk."

"Oh my god, you _are_ that stupid!" Jessica said in mock horror.

"Shove it up your ass." I rolled my eyes.

~.~.~.~

"Oh, come on, Rose," I placed my chin in my hand. "Let James be a fool. No male stripper will come within a five mile radius if his ass is trying to jump every single one."

She glared at me.

"Which means." I raised my eyebrows. "None of us will be able to buy you a lap dance."

She fucking beamed after that comment, which I knew she would. If Rosalie was uncomfortable about anything, it was men gyrating their hips in her face. We'd tried it once before, on her twenty-first birthday, and all that was accomplished that night was her running away. She also managed to face plant in the parking lot, trying to make her escape. Emmett was pissed when his "Rosie" came home with a broken nose and a black eye. He was even more livid when he found out that I'd dragged her to see male strippers, knowing it made her uncomfortable. _Hey, I just wanted her to live a little. So sue me._ Needless to say, it took a lot of begging and promises of favors to keep him from letting Rose get her way and stay home.

_I have a strong suspicion that I am going to be elbow deep in deer guts on the next hunting trip Dad and Emmett take._ I shuddered.

Looking around, I noticed Mom and Leah on the other side of the room. One of the strippers was bent over a chair, and my mom was—_oh my fucking god_. She was spanking the man with a cheesy fucking grin on her face. Leah was standing at her side, egging her on. I loved Leah like my own sister, but that was just gross. I didn't know how she could stand there and watch Mom. Then again, her dad _was_ Crazy Uncle Harry. Maybe she was just as fucking nuts as he was.

"Mama Swan, hold him down! I want a turn!" James yelled as he ran over to where my mom and cousin were standing. The scary part was Mom did as he asked, and the poor guy ended up getting slapped on the ass by my best gay friend. Goddamn, they were going to kick us out. I just knew it.

"Show us the cock, baby!" Jessica screamed at the new guy on stage. He sauntered over to her, leaning down so she could tuck a bill in his thong. Bree, our other friend, hollered at the man, and he jumped down from the stage. He began rubbing himself all over her, and she ate it up.

I took another drink and sighed. There were a lot of gorgeous half-naked men walking around the place, and all I could think about was an accidental strip tease back in Forks. Damn Edward and his huge ass dick.

My mother sat down next to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. She leaned back and fanned herself.

"I don't know about you ladies, but I think it's a little hot in here. Holy shit." Mom gazed toward the stage.

"Mother!" I shouted, wide-eyed. "What would Daddy think about you talking like that?"

"Honestly? He'd probably bend me over the kitchen counter—" Mom started to say.

"Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb," I started to sing at the top of my lungs while I covered my ears. I didn't know what had gotten into my mom, but she should have known better than to talk about her sex life. My parents were very open about the subject, much to Jake's and my embarrassment, and we had always run screaming when it was broached. Why she thought I'd be okay with talking about it was anyone's guess. I was seriously starting to regret inviting her.

Mom shook her head at me. "Come on, honey. Let's get some fresh air."

I stood up, and my mother and Rose followed me outside. We stood up against the brick wall in front of the club. It felt nice out there, and a breeze was blowing.

"So…" Mom said, leaning back.

I looked over at her, wondering what she wanted.

"Are we going to talk about it, or are you just going it ignore it?"

"What?"

"You and Edward. Now, I've watched you two dance around each other for weeks. I even know about the fake dating attempt. I just want to know when you are going to realize you're perfect for each other. I'm not getting younger, and I want grandkids," she said, looking over at me.

_What the hell_. I did not want to talk about Edward, however, I knew there was no way to avoid it. I had been lucky she hadn't brought it up until then. _Looks like my luck has abandoned me. _

"Oh, I want to know, too. What _is_ going on with you and Edward?" Rosalie asked, sticking her damn nose in the conversation.

"Nothing is going on—we're just friends. We decided to bond over our mutual loss," I murmured, unable to look at her.

"You know it's okay, right?" Mom rubbed my shoulder. "Just because he was friends with your brother doesn't mean you guys can't have a relationship. If anything, I think Jake would approve."

I let her comment sink in. Would Jake have been happy if he was alive? He was the one who had wanted Edward to come to Forks initially. Instead of my parents and me welcoming Edward into our crazy family, I knew it would have been Jake dragging his ass to functions. I wasn't sure if he would have been fine with Edward and me seeing each other, though. He was Jake's best friend, for Christ's sake. Then again, he never did like anyone I had dated in the past. Embry was included in that number. God, I was so confused.

"Maybe? I don't fucking know, Mom. I don't think it matters anyway. He's content to flirt with the population of Forks, so I don't think he's interested." I looked down at the ground.

"I don't care who he was friends with. I'll kick his ass," Rose seethed, walking off. Only, she was in heels, and it made her kind of wobble. Mom grabbed a hold of her, stopping her progress. I could have kissed the woman. I did not need any harm coming to my friend, because her fiancé would turn me into hamburger if it did.

"Settle down there, Rocky. You're too pretty to hurt yourself," Mom warned, steering her back toward the club.

"I'll be fine, Sue." Rosalie slumped her shoulders.

"Uh huh, sure. Get back inside. I know what you're really trying to do, and it won't work. You're getting married in a few days, and opportunities like this will not come along very often. Enjoy it while you can," Mom lectured in her "mom" voice.

"Only male I wanna see swing his dick around is my Monkey Man," Rose muttered as we walked back into the club. Mom and I burst out laughing, because it was so Rose. Girl was a fucking knock out and could have had men drooling at her feet. However, she looked at most of them like they could give her a STD just by staring at her.

The rest of the night, we watched random men shake their junk for cash. Any other time, I'd have been out there with the rest of them trying to cop a feel. I just wasn't in the mood that night.

We closed the place down, and it was James who took a stripper back to the hotel—much to my embarrassment, and the rest of the girls' amusement. I was the one who really needed to get laid, but it was Princess Crazy that ended up scoring. _Fucking Auburn God-like man who has a cock worthy of praying to. _

~.~.~.~

I was fucking fuming.

Edward was, once again, letting the sluts of Forks hang all over him.

We'd come home from the Seattle trip a few days after the strip club. I'd met Edward for breakfast, and we watched my father the next morning in the diner trying to pump Mom for details. The old man was jealous of a bunch of nameless naked guys that had possibly paraded around Mom. She told him that she had sat at the table with Rose and me all night ignoring them, giving me a pointed look as she said it. I knew it meant "keep your yap shut." I was happy to oblige, because I was afraid of the woman. She could take me out with little effort on her part.

Edward and I had laughed as we ate our breakfast in one of the booths. That was the only time, though, he showed any emotion. The rest of the meal he practically ignored me. My mother's words didn't make sense. We were not perfect for each other, because he treated me like I had the plague or something. It was irritating, and I wondered if he was rethinking the whole friendship thing.

"It's raining men, hallelujah. It's raining men," James sang next to me, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Will you kindly shut the fuck up?" I seethed, feeling my blood pressure rise.

"Oh, don't hate on me, Indian princess. Just because I got a piece, and you didn't," James taunted, grabbing a towel. "Face it…I'm much prettier than you."

"I'm about to fuck up the pretty—" I said, lunging at him.

Two strong arms grabbed a hold of me, stopping me mid air. I turned my head and saw Edward. I slapped his arm.

"Let go of me. Don't you have a whore you need to fuck?" I asked, glaring.

Edward released his hold and looked at me, stunned.

"Someone is sexually frustrated," James sang, wiping down the bar with a towel. "Maybe you should have taken some of that man candy back to the hotel like I did. You'd be less violent, like me. Oh, boy. The things that man did with his tongue!"

"Too much, Jamie-boy," Edward said with a cringe. "Wait, I thought you planned on taking a stripper home?"

"Are you fucking insane?" I screeched, leaning closer to hiim.

"Well, you said, and I quote, _One of us single girls might get laid_," Edward said in a mocking tone.

"That bomb must have knocked something loose," I threw my hands up into the air. "Just because _I_ said it doesn't mean I was going to do it. Besides, James is the only one who actually _got laid_. The rest of us went back to the hotel and crashed. Believe me, it wasn't that damn exciting anyway."

"Oh, I…um…shit," Edward sputtered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You know what? Get back to fucking work. Oh, and that doesn't mean hit on every woman in the bar. You're paid to pour drinks…not find someone to stick your dick in," I snapped and turned away from him.

I stomped to the back room to collect myself, leaving Stupid One and Stupid Two to man the bar. The way I was feeling, they could have burned the place down, and I wouldn't have given a damn. I was very close to torching the place myself.

The sound of howling laughter broke me out of my plans of arson. Dad was sitting on an overturned crate, turning purple. I sighed and went over to him. The man had clearly lost it, and I thought Mom would kick my ass if I didn't at least see if he was okay.

"I haven't had this much fun in years," he spoke through his giggles. "I can't wait until you two start dating. It's like a never ending comedy show in here."

"You do realize that if Mom goes first…I'm putting your ass in a nursing home, right?" I asked, crossing my arms.

That started a whole new round of laughter. _Yeah, keep it up. You think I'm kidding. Just wait. You'll find out one day. _

He wiped his eye. "Come on, kid. There are thirsty people waiting for us."

He threw his arm over my shoulders and steered me back out front. While I was having my near breakdown, the place had become packed. Edward and James were running around trying to serve everyone. Why in the hell were they trying to do all the work themselves? Didn't these fuck nuts think to come get me? _Oh, yeah_. They probably didn't want to get their dicks ripped off. My bad.

~.~.~.~

The next night, the bar was closed for _The Epic Night of Debauchery_ or, as the rest of us called it, Emmett's bachelor party. Since I had taken Rose out for a night of male strippers, Emmett thought it was only fair he get to see some _titties_, as he said. I told him he was an idiot and a pig, deciding to have a slumber party with Rose at my apartment.

Really, though, I knew Emmett had planned on having the parties on separate nights. He didn't want to be drunk and unable to come get his girl if she needed him. I busted his chops a lot, but in all honesty, Emmett was a stand up guy. He treated my best friend like she was the most precious thing in the world. He even told her he was going to be picturing her in place of the strippers when she voiced her concerns about him going_. Sigh_. My best friend had hit the jackpot in the man department, and I knew no one deserved it more than Rosalie.

"What do you think the boys are doing right now?" Rose chewed on her thumbnail.

I sighed. "They're probably knee deep in ass and tits. Hell, I don't know. Do you really want to know?"

"No, not really. You're right. It's better to not know," Rose nodded and stared off into space.

I laughed. We were sitting on my living room floor watching _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas_. Benicio Del Toro and Johnny Depp were running around like fools on the small screen, and I wondered where James was. The diva had promised me some chocolate covered peanuts, and if his bitch ass didn't deliver them soon—well, there'd be no more strippers in his future. I was castrating him.

"Aw, quit locking the door," James's muffled voice sounded from the other side of the door.

"Well, maybe if you learned what the word _privacy_ meant, I'd stop using the deadbolt," I teased, getting up to let him in.

He walked through the door humming to himself, dressed in pink bunny slippers and a silk robe. I shuddered, because I was sure he didn't have anything on underneath it. James had no shame when it came to nudity, and I'd stumbled in on him a couple of times in the buff. I was surprised that I hadn't been sent to a mental institution yet.

"Here is your candy, Indian princess," he said, handing me a bag. "And beautiful Rose, I got you some gummy bears."

She blushed and took his offering from him. It was then I noticed he was carrying that damn purple suitcase with him, as well.

"James," I whined. "No more baby clothes, damn it. You know we're not sleeping together. Enough is enough."

"While I'm glad you're finally admitting you're a big fat liar," he said with a glare, "I didn't bring them. I brought things to dress up Rose in. So shoo, you cow."

"One of these days, James, I'm going to turn the gas on in your oven and leave it. Maybe you'll suffocate in your sleep. You're not the only one who knows how to pick a lock," I warned with a sarcastic smile.

"Promises. Promises. Anyway, I'm about to make your friend a knockout. Come on, Rose." James motioned toward my bedroom.

"I am not your personal Barbie doll," Rosalie argued in a weak voice.

"Hush." James put his finger up to his lips. "You look just like one, and my momma wouldn't let me play with them when I was little. Stupid old heifer. So, you need to help me fix that tragedy."

Rose hung her head. "Fine."

My best girlfriend was too nice of a person, and James had just used that to his advantage. However, I was a bitch, so I was about to be a good friend. I was taking one for the team.

"James, knock it off. You know how uncomfortable Rose gets. Just…do whatever to me," I said, cringing.

"Well, had you taken my advice and jumped on the perfection that lives next door to you, we could be getting ready to pick out your perfect wedding night outfit. However, since you continue to live in denial…no fashion show for you." James was pushing it, and if he didn't knock off the taunting, I was going to make good on my threat to cut up his clothes.

"Seriously? We're still on this?" I asked, wishing he'd just let it go.

"Yes, my dear, we are. We will _be on this_, as you put it, until you face the fact you want to ride his Tilt-a-Whirl. Oh, and don't forget, have his gorgeous soldier babies and live happily ever after," James said with a smile.

"Listen here, pain in my ass. I don't…fuck," I said, throwing my head back and looking up at the ceiling. I could not believe I'd just said that.

James squealed, bouncing up and down. "I knew it! I knew it!"

For the next half hour, I had to endure a James that pranced around my living room singing, _You want to hug him. You want to kiss him. You want to fuck him. You want to marry him. You want to have his god-like babies_.

Honestly, I was about to find a gun and shoot myself or him. It didn't matter which of us died. I just wanted to be free of the madness.

While I hadn't admitted it in so many words, he was fucking right. Stupid observant gay man.  
>There was something about Edward that made me want to risk getting hurt again. He was the exact opposite of my worthless ex—kind, caring, strong, loyal, and fuck hot. I wasn't sure if I loved him, but I knew that if I opened myself up, I could very easily.<p>

The problem was that he'd turned into a somewhat ladies' man. I didn't think he was taking the skanks back to his apartment. The walls were thin, and I would have heard that shit. And…probably committed a murder or two the morning after. _Not gonna lie_.

So…I had no idea what to do. The first time, in a long time, I was actually interested—I was at a total loss.

"You win. Quit bouncing around like a toddler on a sugar high," I said, sighing.

Rose giggled. "Oh, God. I thought you'd never admit it."

"I just possibly saved you from parading around in lingerie. Don't make fun of me," I whispered in a lethal tone.

She sobered up. _Good girl_.

"I'm so happy." He clasped his hands together. "You two will look so good together. So much better than that whore Angelina that stole Brad away. Jennifer was so much prettier."

"Focus, you strawberry Pop-tart," I said, snapping my fingers in his face. "I'm actually going to discuss my love life with you. I'd quit worrying about your disturbing obsession with celebrities if I were you."

"Lack of love life," James muttered under his breath.

"You know, I'm about to kick you out. And then I'll never share anything with you, especially if I actually _start_ dating Edward." I narrowed my eyes at James.

"Okay, okay. You're right," James admitted. "When you finally do the horizontal tango, I have to have details. I'll be good."

"Horizontal tango?" Rose bit her lip.

"Yeah, sex...bumping uglies…fucking…stuffing the sausage…" James said, rambling on.

"Last chance, disco queen!" I crossed my arms and tapped my foot.

"Sorry, sorry," James said, apologizing.

"I'm so glad Emmett decided to have his bachelor party tonight. Missing this would have been tragic," Rose said with a snort.

"Anywho," I said, starting to get annoyed with the two people I thought of as best friends. "How am I going to get his attention away from his horde of admirers? He is obviously not interested in me."

I was whining, and it was pissing me off.

"Well, I think I have the perfect idea." James smirked.

~.~.~.~

It was official. The fucking fairy was going to die.

I didn't know how he had talked me into wearing a short jean mini skirt, tight black t-shirt, or thigh-high boots with a three inch heel, but I was blaming my desperation. That, and the fact I was trying to be the bestest friend in the universe by distracting James from Mission Dress Up Rosie as a Tart.

_Bitch better love me. That's all I'm saying_.

Dad had another good laugh at my expense when I stumbled into work in these death traps five minutes late. I tried to explain that time had gotten away from me.

_Okay, so I was checking myself out in the mirror in my closet. Nothing wrong with being a little vain every now and then._

When I entered the main area of the pub, the whore patrol was already out in full force. Almost all of the most notorious sluts in Forks were gathered around Edward, including Miss I-Suck-Cock-for-a-Living herself—Angela. She was running her hand over his bicep, and he looked like he was enjoying it. Hell, he hadn't even noticed I'd walked in. I decided right then and there I was not going to let the bastard get to me. I looked good, and I was going to get my flirt on. _Fuck this_.

I sauntered up to the bar and began taking orders. I smiled, flirted, and even laughed at a few lame jokes told by the male customers. It felt good to have some attention on me. Even if a certain _someone_ was blind as a bat.

Not long into the shift, though, that changed.

"B-bella," Edward said, looking at me in shock.

"Oh, hi," I said, bending over to get a bottle from the bottom shelf.

"Are you fucking insane?" he hollered, standing behind me. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Oh, this old thing," I said, tugging on my shirt. "Well, James said I looked smoking in it, and I figured what the hell."

"I'm going to kill that sideshow freak," he said through clenched teeth. "James!"

James appeared beside me as I straightened up. "You called, Snicker Doodle?"

"What the fuck is this?" Edward yelled, pointing at me. I mashed my lips together, trying not to laugh.

"Bella here wouldn't let me help Rosie pick out the perfect wedding night ensemble. Apparently, dressing in lingerie embarrasses her. So, I had to go with Plan B. My girl here needs to start dating again. I figured wearing the perfect outfit that shows off all her assets would help." James put his arm around my shoulders.

Edward closed his eyes and looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. "A word in back, now."

He turned on his heel and marched to the back room. James followed behind, staring at his ass.

Huh. Maybe he wasn't as unaffected as I had thought. I was going to have to store that information for later.

I went back to work, helping Charlie give the thirsty customers their alcohol. A few minutes later, Edward and James returned, jumping right in. The rest of the night, I had to watch Edward with his fan club and try to avoid the advances of my own one growing.

I was going to kill James for talking me into wearing this get up. For real. I should have thrown out those stripper boots from the sixties g0-go dancer Halloween costume James forced me into the previous year. But I didn't…and I ended up having to wear them. Again.

Jessica, true to her word, came into the bar later on. Only, she had dragged Mike along with her. He was pouting, but she ignored him and sat down on a stool at the bar.

"Fuck me blind, Bella! You look hot!" Jessica yelled, eyes looking like they'd fall out of her head.

"I know, right? Maybe I should let the psycho fairy dress me more often, huh?" I set a tequila sunrise in front of her.

"Now, Bella, you should be ashamed of yourself. You know that James has always had good fashion sense." Jessica gave me a pointed look.

"That's what I've been trying to tell her. But…does she listen? Oh, no." James stuck his hip out, placing his hand on it.

"Stuff it," I said, walking off.

Somehow, Charlie ended up working with James at the other end of the bar. Which meant I was stuck with Edward and his band of hoochies. _Oh, fucking joy_.

"Oh, you look so strong. I bet you're ripped," I heard Angela say in that baby voice of hers.

"Um, kind of." Edward kept his attention on the drink he was making. "When you're in the Army, they expect you to be in top shape."

Angela laughed her high pitched laugh, making me roll my eyes. God, what in the hell did he see in her…other than an orifice to get off in. She was not much better than a blow up doll with her dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks personality. _Ugh_.

Then again, maybe that was all he wanted. Someone he didn't give a damn about to take care of his needs. If that was the case, I was the wrong girl for the job. Maybe I should just give up already. Okay, I was not going to do that. I didn't wear these uncomfortable as fuck boots for nothing.

I was in fucking agony watching Angela try to stake her claim on Edward on the inside but had plastered on a big smile on the outside. _Why is this so fucking hard?_ I mean, my crush on him wasn't that big of a deal. He was a grown man and could flirt or even _fuck_…God, that hurt just thinking it.

As I was walking back to the bar with a bottle of whiskey in my hand, it hit me like a fucking freight train. The reason why it hurt so bad to watch him flirt with all these other girls was—I was in love with him.

The realization made me drop the bottle in my hand. It shattered into a millions pieces on the floor, and I stood frozen with my wide eyes glued to Edward.

_This cannot be happening. _

_Love? Do I really love him? _

_Fuck, I really, really do. _

_I am so fucked, it is not even funny. _

By the time my brain had started working again, Edward was standing in front of me freaking out. His hands were fluttering all around me trying to snap me out of my frozen state. If I wasn't having a mini panic attack, I would have made fun of him.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward's voice rose. "Is that fuck, Embry, here? I swear, if he's shown his ugly face, I'll end him. I don't care about going to jail, either. It would be so worth it to get just one hit in."

"What?" I asked, finally coming out of my mental haze.

"You dropped the bottle. Last time you did that…" Edward said, letting the sentence hang in the air.

"Huh? Oh! No, I didn't see that bastard." I wrinkled my brow.

"Then, why—" he started to say.

I cut him off, grabbing his hand. "Come with me for a minute."

I had decided I wasn't going to skirt around what I was feeling any longer. I had always been a take-charge kind of girl. Embry had made that part of me go into hiding with his douche bag tendencies, but I was going to let her out. It was time.

I dragged Edward into the back room by his hand, and the confusion on his face was plain. Once we were out of sight, I pulled his head down to mine by his hair and smashed our lips together. For a moment, he just stood there as I moved my mouth over his. It was kind of disappointing, until he started kissing back.

As our lips moved together, I felt his hands grab the backs of my thighs and then I was in the air. I grabbed onto his hair tighter, giving it a light tug. He moaned, opening his mouth a little bit. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, and he began massaging it with his own.

He tasted like peppermint, a hint of whiskey, and all man. It was a heady mixture that was making me lose myself. Never before had kissing felt that good.

My back hit something hard, and our kissing intensified. His entire body was pressed up against mine, and he felt wonderful. The need to breathe became too much, and I had to pull away. I mourned the loss as he removed his lips.

He placed his forehead against mine. "What was that for?"

"I've decided to act on my attraction for you. Is that a problem?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.

"Oh, fuck no. I was about to go tell James to fuck himself and ask you out."

"Huh?"

"James said that the best way to get your attention was to make you jealous," he admitted, setting me down on the floor.

"Seriously? I was about to spend the rest of my life in prison for murdering Angela the skank. Word of advice…do not listen to that cream puff."

"What was this, then?" He pointed to my clothes.

I sighed. "James' idea. In my defense, though, there was no plot to make you jealous. Just get your attention."

"Uh huh." He eyed me up and down. "You're not allowed to wear shit like this in public anymore."

"Well, you can't flirt anymore." I crossed my arms.

"Works for me," he agreed immediately. "If that girl had touched me one more time, I was gonna throw up on her."

He shuddered playfully, making me laugh.

"Let's get back out there before James comes looking for us." The last thing I needed was the cracked-out fairy finding us in a compromising position.

"Wait," Edward said, pulling on my arm.

"Yes?"I tilted my head to the side and stared at him.

"So, um," he said, nervously running his hand through the hair on his neck. "Fuck, I have no idea what you people do around here for a date."

Edward looked so frustrated. It was cute, and I decided to help him out.

"I need a date to the wedding. Interested?"

"Emmett already invited me," he said with a pout.

"So, we can still go together. I'm the maid of honor, but since Charlie's the best man, it's not like I'm going to hang out with him all night."

"True," he said, breaking out that crooked smile that made me want to drop to my knees and blow him. Fuck, I was so sex starved, it wasn't even funny.

"Besides, you can sit with my mom during the ceremony. Dad would appreciate it, because Mom has a few admirers of her own. That way, he won't be arrested for kicking someone's ass," I said with a laugh.

"Okay, I'll go. Although, that means you're the one technically asking me out now. God, I am horrible at this dating thing."

I smiled at him. "I'm not that great either. My usual way of talking to a man is to make him want to cry. We'll just be horrible together."

He laughed and pulled me to the entrance to the bar. We both stopped quickly when we saw who was blocking our path. Motherfucking James.

He leaned against the doorframe, inspecting his nails. "I always knew you'd be a hot couple. But did you want to listen to me? Oh, no. You were both convinced that the other didn't like you. As thanks for getting you two together, I'd like for you to name your first born James, if it's a boy. If it's a girl, well, Jamie works for me."

And then he turned and walked back into the bar.

"We're not having kids." Edward shook his head. "That nut job will fuck them up."

"Agreed. It will be worth it just to crush his dream," I whispered, leaning close to him.

He pecked me on the lips and went back to work. I followed, trying to think of a way to pay back James for eavesdropping.

His nosy ass was going down.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Bella and Edward have finally figured it out! And the diva wants us to tell you that you're welcome. *snort*

You can find us on Twitter...where we're constantly rambling about all kinds of things we probably shouldn't be about Dust and other stories we're working on...together and separately. So, come find us. We're d_inspiration and shelikethesound. Until next time. ;)


	13. The Jaw

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Sorry about the delay! Big thanks and many hugs to the Dust Team - jointgifts, sherryola, and nowforruin. We love you guys! And thank you for the reviews and alerts. You wonderful, wonderful people make us smile on a daily basis. Mwah!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 – The Jaw<strong>

**EPOV**

Kissing the pretty firecracker was better than coleslaw. Before my last tour overseas, a couple of disastrous one night stands had made me decide that coleslaw was better than sex, so if I followed my own logic, kissing the pretty firecracker was better than sex. Somehow that sounded wrong, especially if it was sex with her. Not that I'd know anything about that, but I could imagine. And I _had_ imagined. A lot. Maybe more than a lot – whatever that was. In fact, I only had to close my eyes to conjure up all kinds of amazing visuals. Okay, that was a lie. I didn't actually need to close my eyes. I could ju-

"Edward!"

I shook my head to clear it. "Huh?"

Bella was laughing at me, and I couldn't stop the smile breaking out on my face. She was so goddamn pretty.

"I've been calling your name for five minutes. Where did you just go in your head?" she asked, amused.

"Um…nowhere. I was just thinking about this fuckhot vixen who accosted me earlier," I replied.

"Oh yeah? Do you like to be accosted?" she teased me.

"Oh, I do," I told her, smirking. "But you see, this particular fuckhot vixen is kind of my boss, so I'm thinking that maybe I should report her or something. I mean, imagine if she did the same thing to James. We could have a serial offender on our hands."

She snorted. "Very funny. You better watch out or she might fire your ass."

"Just my ass? I think she might like my ass if she inspected it further."

"Oh, she does. Trust me," she assured me with a saucy wink.

"Helloooooo? Are you done with the preliminary baby-making exercises yet?" James called out from the other end of the bar. "I could use some help running this thing. It's a bar, you know, and it has customers who want drinks. Drinks that we – and by 'we,' I don't mean just me – serve to them. Ring any bells, baby makers?"

"Work. Right. That's why we're here," I said brightly.

"You are unusually chipper," Bella commented with a snort.

My smile was uncontainable. "I'm happy."

She bit her lip. "I really, really want to drag you out back again and kiss you until you've forgotten your own name."

"I wouldn't be complaining."

"Seriously!" James interrupted. "No one is happier for you than me, but I'm pretty sure I spoke English before when I asked for help. I will tell Papa Swan on you two, and you know what an active imagination I have."

"Oh, shut your mouth, or I'm gonna fire you myself," Bella told him. It would have been a lot more convincing if she hadn't been smiling.

We got back to work, although I was back to being as clumsy as the first night I'd worked there. Between the customers having to repeat their orders three or four times and me zoning out, only to be startled out of my daydreams and dropping whatever I was holding, I was surprised that Bella hadn't yelled at me yet.

_Bella_.

Beautiful, feisty Bella, who had flipped my world upside down. Beautiful, distracting Bella, who made me break five glasses and two bottles before the last customer left the bar that night. Beautiful, sexy Bella, whose lips I had a difficult time dragging myself away from after we'd finished work and were upstairs, supposedly saying goodnight.

It had taken exactly one kiss to get addicted, and I wanted to stay lost in my pretty firecracker forever. I had her pinned against her door, and even when I broke away for some much needed air, she seemed to just want more. She kissed my jaw, and I felt like my knees were about to buckle. _Damn._ Who the hell knew she was that good at finding my weak spots?

I wanted nothing more than to drag her with me inside. I had a set of sheets on my bed that she would look awesome on. However, there was an annoying voice in the back of my head that insisted I slow down. I hated that voice, but I really didn't want to mess things up almost before they'd begun. As tempting as rushing was, it probably wouldn't do anyone any favors.

I tangled my fingers in her hair and guided her lips back to mine. Her sounds and willingness to melt into me completely were not helping strengthen my resolve to say goodnight.

"I don't want to say goodnight," Bella complained against my lips.

That really didn't help either.

"I know, me neither," I replied, thoroughly distracted by her adventurous hands. "We have to, though - right?"

She snorted and pulled back a little to look at me. "Yeah, we probably do. It sucks."

I looked at her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. "You are so damn pretty," I told her.

"So, would I sound too much like a girl if I say that you make me feel pretty?" she asked, hiding her face in the crook of my neck. "Wait, don't answer that. It doesn't matter how it sounds. It's true."

I chuckled and held her closer. Her hair smelled fresh like a spring day. I _really_ didn't want to let her go, and it took another half hour before we managed to get past our teenage behavior and go our separate ways for the night.

I lay awake a long time with a goofy smile on my face. I still couldn't believe how the night had turned out. When Bella had showed up at the bar wearing what she had, I had wanted to drag her out back, but having her take the initiative was fucking hot. I hadn't been in a relationship in a long time, but I was going to do whatever it took not to fuck it up. She was too important.

When I finally started to drift off and could feel myself enter that eerie state where you're not quite asleep, but also not awake, I was snapped out of it by an insane hammering on my front door.

_What the fuck?_

The odds were definitely in favor of it being James, who had probably gone even more insane than he was a few hours before. I could have knocked his teeth out, but I really just wanted to sleep. However, it could also have been Bella, and as soon as the option entered my mind, I was already on my way out of bed.

The insistent knocking continued until I opened the door. I was nearly trampled as both Bella _and_ James steamrolled into my apartment. James slammed the door behind him, locked it, and ran over to find a chair to put under the handle. Then he took off into the bedroom.

I was watching, slack-jawed. I didn't really remember sending out slumber party invites. Especially not to James. No one had said anything yet, and I looked at Bella for an explanation. Her eyes were wide and trained on the door, and she looked really freaked out. Something had made her go from firecracker to frightened woman.

"Bella?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, and a second later, she was in my arms. "There was someone outside the door on the stairs," she said, burying her face in my chest. "I was getting my laundry when I heard a voice outside the door and saw the door handle getting jiggled. I thought maybe it was James, but then he came out of his apartment instead. I'm afraid it might be…Embry…"

Just the mention of his name made me see red. "Stay here," I told Bella.

"No! Don't go out there! He could have brought his stupid friends," she begged me, fisting her hands in my t-shirt. "Please, Edward? I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't get hurt, I promise. I'm just going to check," I said, kissing the top of her head.

She reluctantly let me go. "Be careful."

"I will," I promised. "But lock the door, and if I'm not back in five minutes, call the police."

"Edward!" she hissed.

"It will be fine, I promise," I said and closed the door behind me before she could protest any further. She could yell at me all she wanted later, but if the fucktard was outside, I wanted a piece of him. Besides, this was part of Charlie's argument when he had talked me into accepting the apartment. He'd said that he wanted Bella to be safe. At the time, I hadn't known about Embry the Craptastic Asshole, but he was clearly who Charlie had had in mind.

The hallway was bathed in light, and James's door was open. I looked around for some kind of weapon. I didn't see anything of use to me unless I wanted to attack with potted plants, but I figured my military training would give me an advantage, even if I was in my fucking underwear. Too bad James hadn't gone through with his Molotov cocktail idea. Instead, he was probably hiding under my bed. Or even worse – _in_ my bed. I shuddered just thinking about him and Bella staying here alone before I'd moved in. He was obviously of no use at all.

When I reached the door, I stopped to listen. I couldn't hear anything, so I yanked it open. There was no one outside. I was almost disappointed to be cheated out of doing some ass-kicking. I checked the stairs and also went downstairs to see if anyone was lurking around. When I was sure that there wasn't, I went back up to check the door for any signs of someone trying to break in. There was nothing.

I went back inside and locked the door. I didn't know if anyone had been outside, but I was going to have to talk to Charlie about installing a second lock or maybe an alarm system. I wanted Bella to feel safe in her own home, and she clearly didn't now – not even behind a locked door.

I was happy to discover that my door was locked. "Bella, open up. It's me," I called out and knocked.

I heard the lock turning, and a moment later, she opened the door. "I was ten seconds away from calling the police. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I replied, stepping inside. "There was nothing to see outside."

She sighed. "I'm sorry about freaking out. I just…"

"Hey, don't apologize," I told her and drew her into a hug.

"I just get so mad at myself when I let him get to me like this. Hell, I don't even know if it was him out there, but he still gets to me. Ugh!" She buried her face in my t-shirt and stomped her feet against the floor. My firecracker was back.

"He's not going to hurt you. I'll break his fucking neck before he can even touch you," I promised her.

"My big, bad solider," she said with a sigh, with her face still pressed against my chest.

I chuckled – at least until she decided to fucking bite my nipple. "Ow! Dammit, woman. What the hell is wrong with you?"

She laughed and looked up at me. "Don't be such a baby."

"Speaking of babies…where's the damn diva? I swear to God, if he's in my bed, I'm going to throw him out on his ass," I said.

"I checked when you were outside, and he's actually under the bed – not in it," Bella replied.

"Of course he is. If not under the bed, where else might one find the resident flamboyant bartender?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "How am I supposed to get him out? Alice once brought home a stray kitten that stayed under the couch the whole day."

"How about we leave him there?" Bella suggested. "I'm sure he'll have crawled out by tomorrow morning – nothing stands in his way when it comes to his morning coffee – and until then, I'm sure you'll find that my bed is every bit as comfortable as your own."

"Subtle way of inviting me into your bed, pretty firecracker," I commented with a grin.

"I would, you know," she said seriously. "But right now I'm ready to beg. I really don't want to be alone tonight."

"No need for that. I'd camp outside your door if I had to," I told her, kissing the top of her head. "Let's get out of here before James invades your bedroom, too."

"Thank heavens for deadbolts," she agreed.

I grabbed a pair of pajamas bottoms and a t-shirt before leaving my apartment. One trip out of my door in my underwear a night was enough.

It wasn't the ideal way of ending up in bed with Bella that night, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy it. She appeared from the bathroom in another one of those sinful, little outfits that she had also marched into the diner wearing the morning after I'd told her that I knew Jake. It tested my will power, but in the end, drifting to sleep with the pretty firecracker in my arms after a few kisses was the perfect way to end the day. Even if her bare legs felt heavenly tangled with my own and her ass wiggling against my dick made me want to forget about being a gentleman. Okay, maybe I wasn't a gentleman. A semi-gentleman?

The only thing better than falling asleep with Bella in my arms was waking up with her the same way the next morning. Sleeping firecracker just might have been my favorite smell ever. Way better than coleslaw. I snorted to myself and buried my face in Bella's hair. I really needed to stop comparing her to coleslaw. Most things didn't compare to my favorite food, but nothing compared to Bella. She mumbled something in her sleep and snuggled closer to me. I propped my head up on my hand and watched her sleep while I debated if I should be grateful or not to whoever had been outside the door last night. Sleeping with Bella in my arms had been heaven, but now I wasn't sure I wanted to go to bed alone in my own bed that night. And I'd been so damn thrilled about that bed.

Bella mumbled something again and started to stir. Before she opened her eyes, she smiled and turned around. Humming into the crook of my neck, she hitched a leg over my hip.

"Can we stay here forever?" she asked and kissed my neck.

"You'd hear no complaints from me," I replied, sliding my palm up her leg. "Good morning, by the way."

She giggled. "A very good morning. You give good cuddle, soldier boy. Do they teach you that in basic training?"

I groaned. "You've clearly spent too much time with James. Was it really necessary to put such an unpleasant image in my head this early in the morning? I was quite enjoying myself here."

Her hot breath against my skin when she laughed made me shiver. Apart from the thought of cuddling with my drill sergeant, it was a perfect morning. We cuddled another hour – since I was so good at it and all – but then nature intervened. The bathroom called, stomachs rumbled with a different kind of hunger than the bed could satisfy, and certain parts of my anatomy needed a timeout. Cuddling was officially over.

"I'll make breakfast," Bella said. "You can be in charge of making coffee and turning the stereo on so we don't hear James when he comes knocking. And he will."

I sighed. "Undoubtedly."

So breakfast was eaten to the sounds of REM while we pretended not to hear the insistent knocking on the door. Eventually it stopped, and we did the dishes together. It took half an hour because I discovered halfway through that kitchen counters and pretty firecrackers were a great combination. Even if I did end up with dish water in my hair. Small price to pay.

When I finally left Bella's apartment, I found James having a picnic right outside her door. He looked up at me with narrowed eyes and bit into his bagel.

"Good morning," I greeted him, inching toward my own front door.

"Finally! I've been waiting forever. Ugh, butter butt. I should be so mad at you for leaving me alone with the robbers and thieves and murderers and…and…sucktastic Embry!" he complained and then sighed deeply. "But I can't. Not when you were making babies."

I snorted and shook my head.

"I did spend the night in your bed, though," he continued. "Not quite what I'd expected with you not being there and all, but not completely unpleasant."

I made a mental note to change my sheets just to be on the safe side. "You know, I checked outside last night, and I didn't see anything."

"But someone was there!" he insisted, wide-eyed.

"I'm not saying there wasn't," I replied. "I'm just saying that there were no signs of anyone trying to break in. Maybe it was a drunk or something."

"Or asshole Embry," James said, shuddering. "Is the Indian princess okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course she is. Stupid me. Who wouldn't be fine after a night with you? Lucky bitch."

I cleared my throat. "I'm just going to go inside now. Carry on with your picnic."

"Wanna join me, shortcake?"

"No thanks. I just had breakfast," I replied quickly and hurried inside my own apartment.

After locking the door, the first thing I did was change the sheets. Then I showered and dressed before braving another trip outside. Thankfully, James was gone. I went down to the diner where I found Charlie in his office.

"Morning, Charlie. Do you have a minute?" I asked from the doorstep.

He looked up from his papers with a smile. "Sure, son. Have a seat."

"Thanks," I said.

I sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. I loved Charlie's office. It was filled with military memorabilia and pictures of his family, and it was clear that he was surrounding himself with the things that meant the most to him. He also had an entire wall dedicated to pictures of himself and his buddies with various hunting and fishing trophies.

"Um, I wanted to talk to you about installing a second lock or maybe an alarm system upstairs," I said. "Someone tried to get in last night, and Bella was really freaked out. Well, James, too. He hid under my bed."

Charlie looked like he wanted to laugh, but his concern for his daughter won out easily. "Is she okay?"

I nodded.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I'll have an additional lock and an alarm system installed. I want my girl safe. But last night…that was me. Bella called me after you guys had closed the bar to tell me about a problem with one of the beer taps. I told her I'd look at it in the morning, but when I couldn't sleep, I drove in to take a look last night. I saw that the light was still on in her place and went up to say hi, but I'd forgotten the key. I tried the door, but it was locked, so I ended up leaving. Clearly, I wasn't thinking. I should have knocked, but I figured no one would hear it."

I bit the inside of my cheek. The whole thing would have been funny if it hadn't been for how scared Bella had been last night. I couldn't really blame Charlie, though. Plus, even if Bella had been scared, I kind of hoped that our night and morning together had made up for it. However, I wasn't going to tell her father that.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure she'll understand when you tell her," I said.

He groaned. "Yeah, that's going to be fun."

I suppressed a smile, but not well enough as he caught me and demanded that I be his bodyguard when he told her. I snorted, but agreed to go ask Bella to have lunch with us.

"You know, I hate that I scared her last night, but I'm glad she had you," he told me before I left the office. "I'm glad you two finally opened your eyes and saw what was right in front of you."

His phone rang, and he answered it with a smile before I could ask how he knew. Maybe Bella had told him, I wondered on my way upstairs. Or maybe he had freakish mindreading powers, which actually wouldn't surprise me one bit. The guy had a knack for always knowing what to say.

Lunch was pleasant. Sue was generous as always with the coleslaw, and Bella surprised Charlie by not being upset about the night before. The wink she sent me told me why, but Charlie caught it, too, and smiled knowingly.

After leaving Upstairs after lunch, I went grocery shopping before work. I also had time to wash my sheets and watch Bella make cookies. It made a lot of memories resurface about Afghanistan and the cookies Jake had received from her for our squad. I'd have to talk her into making the peanut butter ones again. Chocolate chip were nice, but they weren't peanut butter.

I hadn't seen James since the picnic that morning, but I sought him out at the bar when he showed up for work a few hours after me. Bella had talked to him earlier and told him that Charlie had been the one at the door the previous night. According to her, he had only thrown a mild tantrum – whatever _that_ meant for the diva.

I had been wondering what to get Rose and Emmett for their wedding, and I had come up with zero ideas. I needed help, and James seemed like the obvious person to ask since he was crazy about shopping.

"Hey, super shopper," I called out to him. "Do you have any ideas for what to get Rose and Emmett as a wedding present? They registered for a bunch of stuff, but I kind of wanted to get them something a little more personal than a china set or whatever."

"I am full of ideas, candy balls," James replied and leaned against the bar next to me. "In fact, I am made of nothing but ideas. Good ideas, great ideas, naughty ideas, kinky ideas, sexy ideas, fanta-"

"Wedding present ideas?" I interrupted.

"Those, too. And I know the perfect thing you could get our clumsy beauty and her hunky piece of man meat," he said, nodding enthusiastically. "Sex toys."

I sighed. I should have known. "Sex toys?"

"Yup. Every married couple should spice up their sex life. Now, I'm thinking handcuffs, a whip, dildos – there's no such things as too many dildos even if Rose has a whole drawer full already – and as a special treat for Em-"

"Thank you!" I interrupted again. "I think that's enough. I really don't want to think about their sex life, and there's no way in hell I am giving them sex toys for their wedding."

"You're such a prude," James complained. "I'm sure they'd like it better than if you gave them a stupid blender."

"And you're a freak. You don't give someone sex toys as a wedding present," I said.

"Ooo-kay. I see that I have an order to cancel for my favorite baby makers' wedding," he said with a pout.

I groaned. He was hopeless – completely and utterly hopeless. I didn't even know why I continued to try.

Just then, Rose and Emmett came into the bar, and I told James to can it with the wedding present talk. The last thing I needed was for him to tell them that I was getting them dildos or whatever he could come up with. I said hello to them, but Charlie was the one who took their drink order. While getting Renee her third gin and tonic within the hour, I overheard Rose asking if she could borrow Bella for an hour for some very important wedding business.

Charlie said yes, and the girls disappeared upstairs while James and I pouted. James because he had wanted an invite to the very important business thing, too, and me because I wished I'd thought of asking to borrow Bella for an hour first. An hour with the pretty firecracker…the list of possibilities seemed endless.

It was a slow night, but Renee provided entertainment by serenading Charlie with a couple of Elvis songs that she had mixed together in her drunken state. He only got her to stop by promising to sit down and have a drink with her. As far as I could hear, he spent the whole five minutes praising Sue, and then he sprinted out back. It made Renee's night, though, and James encouraged her by launching into a discussion with her about wedding dresses.

Since I had nothing better to do, I wandered over to Emmett, who sat at the end of the bar with his head in his hands. He kept muttering under his breath, and I cleared my throat to alert him that I was there.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He grunted before slowly raising his head and looking at me. His eyes were wild, and he shook his head. "I can't do this. I have no fucking clue how to be a husband. Rosie will be expecting me to be a good husband – the good husband she deserves – and I just have no idea what to do. What does a husband _do_ exactly?"

I suppressed my laughter. Emmett didn't look like he needed to be laughed at right now. "Well, I don't actually have any experience being a husband, but I imagine that Rose accepted your proposal for a reason – she must be pretty satisfied with how you've been doing as a boyfriend and a fiancé. I say you just keep that up."

He seemed to consider it, but it apparently wasn't the reassuring answer he had been looking for. "Charlie!" he called out loudly.

Charlie stuck his head out and looked around. When he saw that Renee was occupied at the other end of the bar with James, he shuffled down to us.

"Do you mind keeping it down, Emmett? I already escaped Renee once tonight – I don't need her to catch me again," he said, trying to hide behind me.

"Sorry, man. I need your advice, though," Emmett replied. "In just a few days, I'll be a married man, and I haven't the slightest clue about how to be a husband. Sue seems like a happy woman, so you've obviously got it down. Help a guy out here."

"Do you love her?" Charlie asked.

"Of course I love her!" Emmett replied, slightly offended.

Charlie chuckled. "Do you plan on making her happy?"

"I wouldn't marry her if I didn't!" Emmett replied, sourly.

Charlie gave a satisfied nod. "Then you're good to go. Now excuse me, I have stuff to do out back. Far away from the crazy woman."

He went back to his hiding hole, and Emmett looked at me incredulously. "Seriously? That's all he has to offer after being married practically forever?"

I laughed. "I thought he nailed it pretty well."

"Well, what the hell do you know? You're neither married or about to get married," Emmett grumbled.

That, of course, made me think about marriage. Being married. Being a husband. Having a wife. Weddings. Bella being Mrs. Cullen. I sighed and stopped myself before my mind could take the thought further. I was entering dangerous territory, having those kind of thoughts about someone who I didn't even know how to label. Not just because we hadn't talked about it, but also because she couldn't just be one thing. She was…everything.

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Emmett interrupted my thoughts. "Seriously, dude. I'm having a mental breakdown here, and I can't even get a damn beer."

"Sorry, man," I apologized, not missing the amused look he sent me. "A pint of Guinness coming right up."

When I had gotten Emmett his beer, Charlie came back out. I hadn't even noticed that Renee had left, but apparently he had. He took over trying to calm Emmett down, and he did a much better job than me.

Between serving a few customers and being annoyed that the hour Rose had needed to borrow Bella had turned into three, my thoughts drifted back to the marriage thing that my brain had immediately connected to Bella. I hadn't given marriage much thought over the years, mainly because there hadn't been any serious candidates for the wife role, but now it sounded like something I actually wanted at some point – with Bella.

I snorted at myself. Perhaps I should take her on a date before worrying about marriage – that was apparently how most people did it. But what the hell did people do for dates in Forks? And when was I supposed to take her out when we worked most nights? Was there a manual or a handbook for this stuff? I supposed I could wait for when we both had a night off and then take her out for dinner and a movie. It just sounded too cliché and boring. There weren't many options in Forks, and I didn't know the surrounding area well enough to know what it had to offer.

I was switching out a keg when inspiration hit me. Instead of doing what everyone and their goddamn uncle did, I was going to plan a more personal date. Instead of waiting for a night off, I would make her lunch. The upside to that was that I might be able to dazzle her with my cooking skills, and it would be in my apartment where it would be impossible for the damn diva to stalk us, unlike in a restaurant where I wouldn't put it past him to crash our date.

Instead of Hollywood's latest million dollar piece of crap, I could show her some videos I had of Jake. Although…was that appropriate date stuff? I frowned. It probably wasn't. And I didn't want to make her sad. I had found them the other day in a duffel bag I hadn't bothered to unpack when I moved in because it was mostly pictures and stuff from years ago – including stuff that had to do with my family. And now I really wanted to share the videos of Jake with her, but wasn't sure how it would make her react. _Ugh_. Why was planning a simple date this frustrating?

A few days later, I had solved one of my problems. I still had no clear idea of what to do for a date that wasn't so filled with clichés that it made me want to vomit, but I had gotten a wedding present for Rose and Emmett. It was a good thing, too, considering the wedding was in a few hours.

I hadn't known them very long, but they had come to mean a lot to me, so I wanted something special for them. It had taken several hours on my rarely used laptop, but I'd ended up pretty satisfied with the long weekend in Vancouver I had booked for them. It was a million times better than a blender or sex toys, and it was more personal than what they had registered for. China sets and crystal glasses were nice, but making memories was more important than material possessions in my opinion.

I'd told Bella what I'd gotten them, and she had asked if it wasn't a bit over the top. I didn't think so, though. True love was worth celebrating and going all out for. When I told her that, she'd blushed. I'd wanted to tell her that I already included her in that statement, but I was afraid it was too soon. I couldn't fuck this up. She was too important.

I went with Sue to the wedding. Bella was the maid of honor and Charlie was the best man, no doubt standing in for Jake. Sue told me that she'd stocked up on tissues because weddings always made her bawl like a baby, and she'd been looking forward to seeing Jake standing up for Emmett.

"Another reason to stock up on tissues," she said shakily as we were shown to our seats, still trying to smile.

I returned the smile the best I could. There were so many things that Jake would miss out on – so many times where he'd be missed more than usual. Even though we'd be celebrating love and happiness that day, the hole that Jake had left behind would be clearly visible. Emmett wouldn't have his best man, Sue wouldn't get to see her boy all dressed up, and everyone would miss out on what could potentially have been the funniest best man speech ever. Jake had loved being in the spotlight, and every opportunity to crack a joke had been eagerly grabbed by him.

I sighed as we sat down. I tried to focus on how happy Jake would have been to see some of his best friends get married. Looking around, I saw some familiar faces from the bar. Forks really was a small town. Emmett was standing next to Charlie, looking slightly green. It made me want to laugh because I had no idea what the hell he was so nervous about. It wasn't like Rose would leave him up there or say no. She might trip down the aisle, but that wouldn't keep her from saying yes.

I was deep in thought until the music suddenly changed. My eyes widened and my jaw practically hit the floor when I got the first glimpse of Bella. She floated down the aisle in a strapless, deep red dress that hit right beneath her knees. I had overheard her talk to Rose and James about fall colors, but they clearly had it all wrong. With her creamy white skim and the red fabric, Bella was all strawberries with cream. And fuck me. I was ready to eat.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading. :) Have you checked out the outtakes in the companion story to this one, Dusting the Shelf? Lots of background in that one.

Catch you next time. :) Until then, you can find us on Twitter under the names shelikethesound and d_inspiration.


	14. Lemon Flip

**A/N:** *peeks out from behind chapter* We're sure you're all wondering why it's taken so long to get this chapter out. We could give you the standard "RL has been crazy" reply, but honestly? That would just be a cop out. So, instead, we're just going to apologize for taking so long and let you read it. We're hoping the chapter makes up for the long wait. :)

Our story wouldn't be as awesome without the help of our Dust team: nowforruin and sherryola.

**Disclaimer:** We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14 - <strong>**Lemon Flip**

**BPOV**

Edward's heated gaze sent shivers up my spine as I made my way down the aisle. He looked sinful in his black button down with the sleeves rolled up and black slacks. I had to tell myself a few times as I walked that attacking him at the ceremony wasn't a good idea.

Jessica had been right; the man did look at me like he was undressing me with his eyes. Then again, passion I'd never thought I'd possessed had been directed at my soldier. _My Soldier_. Just thinking that Edward was interested in me at all was still a shock. When I'd pulled him into that back room, I wasn't sure if he'd be disgusted by my actions or not. So, I had been surprised to find that he felt the same way.

Ever since we'd decided to act on our mutual attraction, it was like the floodgates had been opened. We spent as much time together as we could, and it sometimes spilled into work hours, much to James' annoyance. I was sure he hadn't thought through his plan to get us together thoroughly, but no one could have expected what would happen when we finally did.

It was like fireworks were erupting around us every time we kissed, and man, could Edward kiss. I always suspected he had a commanding nature because he'd been a sergeant in the Army…but fuck me.

The sexual chemistry between us wasn't the only thing that attracted me to Edward, though. His protective nature made me feel safer than I had in a long time. When he had gone out to kick the mystery knocker's ass the other night, I'd been scared…but not for myself. Edward had become someone I'd come to love dearly in such a short period of time, and I knew that if something happened to him, it would devastate me. I'd already lost one person close to me—I knew I couldn't bear to lose him, as well.

He was one of the sweetest men I'd ever met and the toughest. It was a strange combination that was just…Edward. I enjoyed spending time with him, just goofing around or talking.

I shook myself out of my thoughts as I reached the makeshift altar. Having the wedding outside in the only park in Forks had been a great idea. Rose had suggested an outdoor wedding offhandedly months before, and Emmett and I had made it happen. I'd known from talks her and I'd had when we were younger that getting married under the open sky was something she had always wanted.

A large, white tent covered the area the ceremony would be held. There were thirty chairs on each side of the aisle covered in white fabric for the guests to sit in; the aisle itself was covered with a white runner. At the altar, an archway covered an array of fall-colored day lilies stood behind the wedding party. Emmett, and the rest of his groomsmen, were dressed in black slacks, white button downs, and black ties. It was simple but something the couple had decided on from the start. They were not interested in overly-fancy clothes. Rose and Emmett were simple people who were more concerned about tying themselves together.

Taking my place next to Rosalie's other bridesmaids, I looked to the back of the tent. The music changed, and Rose appeared on the arm of her father. She was a vision in her sleeveless lace dress. They walked slowly toward us, even though she'd worn flats. Falling down while everyone had their eyes on her had been a huge concern, but not the only one.

She'd asked Charlie if she could borrow me from the bar for an hour for "important wedding business" the other night. It was just an excuse to get me away to talk. We went upstairs and as soon as the door closed, she started freaking out on me.

"I can't do this, Bella," Rosalie's lip trembled.

"Huh?" was my brilliant reply. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't marry Emmett. What was I thinking? He's such a wonderful man, and I'm going to embarrass him on our wedding day. He's going to end up finding someone that is beautiful, confident, and doesn't trip over air. I don't deserve him," she wailed, throwing her head back.

"Just stop right there." I placed my hand on her shoulder, causing her to look at me. "I will not listen to you talk about my best friend like that. She's gorgeous, but refuses to see it. She is the kindest person I know and will knock out anyone that hurts her loved ones, even if she is shy. And…who gives a damn if she can't walk a straight line? Everyone needs a quirk, and that's hers."

After my speech, we'd talked for another couple of hours. By the time Rose had been ready to go, she'd finally accepted that she had deserved Emmett. I had been so proud of her. Even if she had been blind to how great she really was, she'd at least acknowledged that she had been worthy of marrying the man of her dreams.

When she reached Emmett, her smile was as big as his. The love that showed on both of their faces was awe inspiring. I knew they belonged together and getting to witness them become one was something I was humbled to be a part of it. Gladly taking Rose's bouquet of red, yellow, and orange day lilies wrapped in a white ribbon, I watched as Emmett took her hands in his.

The ceremony itself was without a lot of pomp and circumstance. Rosalie and Emmett said the traditional vows with conviction. Dad and I gave them the rings that would rest on their fingers for the rest of their lives…and possibly after. They pledged themselves to each other, bringing tears to most of the guests' eyes. I'd caught Edward staring at me a few times during the service. He'd wink, and I'd smile. Our exchange made me think that he was so sweet—the display was almost nauseating.

Emmett, being Emmett, picked Rose up off the ground during their first kiss as man and wife. She squealed, but it didn't deter him. Most of the audience chuckled at his display, making Rose blush like a…well, like a blushing bride. I almost reprimanded him for embarrassing Rose, but I remembered that it _was_ Emmett after all. He could have written his own vows, and _that_ would have been much worse.

The newlywed couple broke apart and made their way down the aisle. Next, Charlie held out his arm. I took it, and we followed our friends arm in arm.

"You know, it wouldn't upset this old man if you were the next one to do this." His voice was just above a whisper.

I whipped my head toward him. "Oh, no. Don't get any ideas. I am not ready for marriage, and I'm not sure I'll ever be."

"I thought you and Edward were a couple now?" Dad wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"We're together…I guess you could say. We haven't defined it, so I think the marriage talk is a little premature. Don't you think?" I stared at him.

"Ah, hell. At the rate you two are going, your mom will never be a grandmother. You know she'll take it out on me if you don't produce one soon." He bumped my shoulder with his.

"My father is actually telling his unwed daughter to get knocked up? Nice one, _Dad,_" I joked, giving him a sideways glance.

"Shut up. That's not what I meant," Charlie grumbled and turned red.

After all of the wedding party made their way to the back of the tent, we all split up to get in our cars. I looked around for Edward, since I'd planned on riding to the reception with him. Rising up on my tiptoes, I scanned the crowd. He was standing off to the side toward the middle of the tent, cornered by James. I decided to help my—I didn't know what we were to each other at the moment—out and walked over to them.

"—such a beautiful service. I can't wait until you and Indian Princess tie the knot. It'll be the wedding of the century," James blubbered into his white handkerchief lined with lace.

I rolled my eyes at his display. _Like I'm letting you plan my wedding, you Fruit Loop_.

"Hey," I said lamely.

Edward turned around, noticing me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and squeezed. I laid my head back on his chest. James looked at us with pleading eyes.

"Can I ride to the reception with you guys?"

"No." Edward deadpanned and looked away.

"Oh, come on, beef cake. I didn't bring my car," James whined with a pout.

"How the hell did you get here?" I tilted my head to the side.

"Jessica and Mike brought me. I need to hang out with her more. I adore her." James let out a long, overdramatic sigh.

"Then go ride with them." Edward waved toward the parking lot.

"And miss out on spending time with my two best friends and favorite baby makers? Surely you jest." James twisted his lips up, looking like he'd sucked on a lemon.

He walked away from us, heading to the parking lot.

"Um, it might just be easier to give him a lift. He'll try to drive you crazy and pout a lot more at the reception if we don't." I shot him a wide, toothy grin.

"Fuck. Fine." Edward stomped off after James. I had to suppress the laughter that wanted to escape.

"Hey, Tinker Bell!" Edward yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Don't you dare take shot gun. I will use you for target practice if you do!"

As I was walking to Edward's car, I noticed my cousin Leah was having a conversation with Jasper by her car. Huh. I didn't even know he'd been invited. Nor did I know they had met. I watched as Jasper opened the driver's side door for her, and then he climbed into the passenger's side. I wasn't sure how I felt about the two of them getting cozy because of his crappy friend status.

_I will definitely be keeping my eye on those two_.

Thankfully, James didn't annoy Edward too much on the drive over to Downstairs where the reception was being held. Edward only had to smack James' hand once in an attempt to take over the radio. I advised my flamboyant friend to not test my soldier's patience. He seemed to get the message and was quiet the rest of the ride. Edward shot me a smile when he saw that James was going to cooperate.

Upon entering the bar, I smiled, proud of how the decorations had turned out. Mom, Dad, and I had worked after closing, transforming it into the perfect image of Emmett and Rosalie's reception. On the tables in the main part of the bar, there had been white tablecloths draped over the tabletops. In the center, shallow bowls filled with water sat in the center, with petals mixed in and a floating candle on top.

The cake was setting a table in the back of the room, and a buffet style meal was laid out on the bar top. I tugged on Edward's arm, and we went inside.

We seemed to be early, so there was plenty of the good stuff still available. Once we filled up our plates, we sat down at a table close waiting for the newlyweds to arrive. Edward pulled out the chair beside the one he had chosen, and I gratefully accepted.

"So, this is nice," James nodded, looking from Edward to me.

"Can you not talk?" Edward rubbed his forehead. "I'm really hungry, and I don't want your crazy ruining my appetite."

I snickered.

"Baby, please don't encourage him," Edward pleaded with wide eyes.

"Aw, you guys are so cute." James pulled out a disposable camera. "Say cheese!"

He snapped a picture, and I thought Edward was going to burst a vein.

"Will you stop it?" Edward gripped the table, making the veins in his hands strain. "Just…go sit somewhere else. I can't be responsible for my actions if you say another word."

James sighed, pocketing the camera. "Fine, but you're no fun. Poo on you."

James made the motions of zipping and locking his lips. Then, he started to eat.

"If it was only that fucking simple," Edward muttered, shaking his head.

Rosalie and Emmett entered the bar, to the sound of catcalls and whistles. Rose's face erupted into bright red blush when someone asked if they'd started the honeymoon on the way over. Emmett, unfazed like always, just smiled and said they'd stopped to take a few pictures. The room erupted in chuckles as he led his bride to the food, and then they sat down at a table close to us.

We ate in relative silence, well, for the most part. James would open his mouth to say something every once in a while, and Edward would stop him by pointing his fork at James and glaring at him. The action usually stopped whatever comment James was about to say dead. It made me think of what he'd be like when we had children.

_Whoa. _

_Where the hell did that come from? _

_Damn my father for bringing up the grandchildren comment. He's becoming as bad as Mom and James. _

I blinked a couple of times, hoping the action would dislodge those thoughts. There was no way I was ready for anything like that yet. Edward noticed I had stopped eating and looked concerned.

"You okay?" he asked, staring at me intently.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine." I really hoped that he hadn't somehow heard my thoughts. They would scare him off. I was kind of attached to him, so that would have made me sad.

Charlie stood up and clinked his glass a few tables away from us. Well, damn. I guess it was time for toasts.

"Can I have your attention?" He cleared his throat.

Everyone quieted down, setting their eyes on him.

"Now, as most of you know, I'm standing in today for my son, Jake. He was Emmett's best friend and was a surrogate brother to Rosalie. I am honored that Emmett asked me to fill in. Thank you, boy." Charlie wiped at his eye.

It was easy to feel the loss of my brother as Charlie said those words. Most of the guests tried to hide their reaction, but a few couldn't contain how much it had affected them. I saw Emmett nod in my father's direction, blinking his eyes. Rose had a tear that trickled down her cheek, and James had his head bowed. I think it hit Edward the hardest, because he pulled me close by the waist, burying his head into the crook of my neck. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. I hoped the action calmed him as I tried to hold in my own sadness.

Charlie blew out a breath. "This is supposed to be a happy day, though. I remember when Emmett was just a punk kid. Bella, Jake, and Emmett used to run around together, getting in to all kinds of trouble. I think the worst was the time they tried to experiment with the dryer when the boys were eight and Bella was six. I thought Sue was going to kill those kids when she discovered all of those chemicals in it. I swear…a green cloud rose out of it when she opened the door."

Everyone chuckled. Edward raised his head, kissed me on the forehead, and turned back toward Charlie.

"I knew Emmett was in trouble the day I met Rose. Bella brought her home after school, and Rose made her entrance by tripping on the linoleum in the kitchen. Emmett, though, he'd been right there to catch her. Even before they started dating, he was always there to catch her. I don't think Rose could have picked a more devoted man for her husband, and Emmett is just lucky that Rosie is a forgiving soul."

The sounds of snickering and laughter reverberated through the room.

"Anyway, congratulations to the both of you. May you have a happy marriage. I want to leave you with two pieces of advice. Never go to bed angry, because the wife will definitely not have sex with you then." Charlie raised his glass and smirked.

"I can't believe you said that!" Mom smacked Dad on the ass, causing the room to erupt in laughter.

"Ow, woman. I'm trying to give a speech here," He rubbed the spot she'd hit.

"And two." Dad mock-glared at Mom. She blew him a kiss, making him chuckle. I shook my head in disgust, because watching my parents' foreplay was disturbing.

"Saying, _Yes dear_, _I love you_, or, _I'm sorry,_ will almost always get you out of trouble when you piss the wife off. If that doesn't work, though, flowers are always a man's best secret weapon." Dad covered his head as he sat down, because Mom was glaring at him. I stood up, clearing my throat to start my speech. Well, and also to save my dad from my mother's wrath.

Everyone turned and looked at me.

"I'm a single girl, so I don't have advice for the happy couple. Instead, I'd like to say that I've never met two people who deserved to be together more than Emmett and Rosalie. Watching the two of them fall in love and stay in love has been a wonderful experience. Because of them, I firmly believe there is one perfect someone out there for all of us." I looked down at Edward as I spoke the last sentence.

Looking back up, I continued.

"So, may you be blessed with love and happiness. I love you both…so much." I couldn't contain the tears of happiness any longer and let them go. Rose stood up, walking over and embracing me.

"Thank you, Bella. I love you, too," Rose whispered in my ear.

~.~.~.~

The rest of the night was more lighthearted. Because of the smallness of the bar, there really was no room for a dance floor. Instead, people paired off into groups, talking and laughing. It was just the type of celebration that was fitting for my two best friends—completely laid back and simple.

I stayed with Edward the entire time. We made our way around the room, talking to various guests.

"So, that was some speech," Jessica said when we reached her.

"Yeah, well, it was the truth." I shrugged, slightly uncomfortable with the praise.

"Bella is so rude sometimes. I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Jessica Newton, and this idiot behind me is my husband, Mike." She chuckled, holding out her hand to Edward for a handshake. I smirked at her, shaking my head.

"Why do you always have to put me down, Jess?" Mike whined, crossing his arms. "Sometimes I don't think you really love me."

Jessica turned toward her husband. "Oh, can it. You should be thankful I married your boring ass. I mean, really. I'm surprised you haven't started growing mold on your ass from sitting in that grungy recliner all the time."

He rolled his eyes at her.

Edward laughed, taking her proffered hand. "It's nice to meet you both."

"Everyone, eyes up here," James called out, clinking his spoon on his water glass. He was standing on the cleared off bar.

"What the hell is that weirdo doing now?" Edward closed his eyes and tugged at his hair.

"Oh, he drives you crazy, too?" Mike moved over to Edward's other side.

"Yeah, he tried to get Bella and me together for weeks," Edward replied with a grimace.

"Fuuuuck," Mike muttered, shaking his head. "Well, good luck with that. He's relentless when he decides you're one half of the perfect couple. He badgered Jess and me until we gave up."

"Oh, you gave up, did you?" Jess crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "Well, I guess you have a date with your hand tonight."

"But, baby." Mike held out his arms.

"Please, I have a surprise for the newlyweds," James called out.

A hush fell over the crowd, giving James their full attention.

"Thank you," James smiled, clasping his hands in front of him. "When I found out Rosie and her sweetums were getting married, I looked and looked for the perfect gift. How do you put a price on love, though? Well, I learned that you don't. So, instead, I have written a poem in dedication to the love that two of my closest friends share. I'd like to share it with them and all of you now."

"I'll give you a hundred dollars, right now, if you get down and forget about the damn poem!" Dad cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Oh, Papa Swan." James shook his head, an indulgent grin spreading across his face. "You can't put a price on a masterpiece."

"One fifty." Charlie's voice echoed through the bar.

"But…but…I wrote it for them. I can't take your money."

"Two hundred cash, right now." Dad pointed toward the floor.

"I want to read it!" James stomped his foot.

"Damn it, I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'll give you two hundred dollars, and...I'll…letyougivemeamakeover." Charlie said, rushing out the last part.

James jumped down from the bar, skipping toward my father with his hands behind his back.

"What was that?" James leaned in and cupped his hand around his ear.

"I'll let you give me a damn makeover!" Dad's face turned purple.

James winked at my dad. "Oh, getting you into some clothes that would show off all your assets is worth it."

James left my dad and began mingling with some of the other guests. Edward and I walked over to my dad. When we reached him, he was muttering under his breath.

"Are you okay? Why would you do that?" Edward blurted out, looking at my dad like he was crazy.

"Listen, son. You've never heard the horror that is James' original poems. I have, and I'll be damned if I'm ever subjected to one again. Don't judge me." He leveled Edward with a pointed gaze and then went over to my mom.

"Do you…?" Edward turned to me.

"No, James has never shared his poetry with me before. I have no idea," I stared after my father, wrinkling my brow.

"Well, if Charlie is willing to be made over by the fairy, then it has to be bad," Edward said with a shudder.

I noticed that Rose and Emmett only had a few people surrounding them and decided to go talk to them. Pulling Edward with me, I walked over.

"Oh, you both look so happy," I said as Emmett grabbed me and picked me up into a tight embrace.

"Thanks so much for all your help. We couldn't have done it without you," Emmett muttered into my ear.

He put me down, and Edward stepped forward.

"I, uh, got you guys a gift. I wanted to give it to you guys myself, so uh…"

Edward reached into the pocket of his pants, pulling out a long white envelope. He handed it to Emmett, looking nervous. Emmett opened it and looked inside, and then he looked back at Edward in shock.

"I just thought you two could use a trip to somewhere romantic. The tickets are open ended, so you can go whenever you want." Edward prattled on nervously.

"What's in it?" Rosalie angled her body toward her husband, trying to see inside the envelope.

"Babe, it's…uh…we're going to Vancouver," Emmett blew out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Vancouver?" Rose looked at Edward and then back to Emmett.

Emmett handed Rosalie the envelope. When he was sure it was secured in her hand, he reached over and pulled Edward into a hug.

"Man, you don't know what this means to us. We really couldn't afford to take a honeymoon, so we were just going to spend the time we got off work here. There is no way I can ever repay you for this. Thank you." Emmett released Edward, patting him on the shoulder.

"It really wasn't a problem. You guys welcomed me here when I first came and made me feel at home. It was the least I could do." Edward stared at the ground.

Emmett nodded with tears in his eyes. "Still, thank you."

Rosalie grabbed a hold of Edward for a hug next, causing him to chuckle. "Oh my God. You are the best. I am so glad you weren't a stalker!"

Edward laughed and released her. "Yeah, me, too. Now you can look forward to two weeks in Vancouver."

They both thanked him again before they were called over to cut the wedding cake. I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist, pulling him closer.

"That was a good thing you did, Edward. I didn't know they weren't taking a honeymoon. I guess your present wasn't too much after all," I said softly.

"See, I know what I'm doing. Well, sometimes." Edward pulled me closer.

"Sure you do."

The feeling of a hand on my back made me turn around. Leah and Jasper were standing behind me.

"You know, it's really sad that it seems the only time I can get down to the bar is when it's closed. If I thought Uncle Charlie would let me take your place, I'd totally try to bribe you or something." Leah raised her eyebrows.

I chuckled. "Fat chance, cousin. You know that Mom and I would kill each other if we worked together. All she'd do is bitch at me for measuring wrong, or not cooking something right, and then we'd have to throw down in the parking lot. No thanks."

I heard Edward's laughter behind me.

"Oh, according to Jess I'm a rude bitch. Have you met Edward yet?" I placed my hand on his chest.

"No, I haven't. I see now why we don't hang out much anymore, whore," she said, giving me a mock glare.

I smiled.

"I'm Leah Clearwater, the prettier cousin." Leah held her hand out to Edward. He took it, shaking it.

"Pleasure to meet you. However, you're wrong. I think I got the prettiest cousin." Edward smirked, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"You're catching on, cutie. Compliments are a step in the right direction for getting into a girl's panties." A wicked grin spread across Leah's face.

Edward flushed and looked down. If I wasn't ready to kill my cousin, I would have laughed.

"Damn, Leah. Minding your own business is just too much of a chore, isn't it?" I asked in a sarcastic voice.

"Shut up. You love me and would die a horrible, miserable death without me."

"Yeah, I'd dance on your grave, slut. Where are your dad and brother, anyway?"

Leah snorted. "Oh, Seth stayed behind to babysit Dad. He hit the firewater too hard last night. Plus, Uncle Charlie paid us fifty bucks each to keep the old man away from the ceremony today. He said that he couldn't handle another one of Dad's bonding rituals."

"Uh, yeah. I think Daddy would have had a heart attack if Uncle Harry had done one."

I looked behind me and saw that Jasper and Edward were engaged in their own conversation. I still wasn't sure how I felt about the prick. It was nice to see that he was trying so hard to regain some sort of friendship with Edward, but the way Jasper treated Edward before he left for basic training still grated at me. I couldn't understand how someone who was supposed to be a best friend could do that. Even if it was to placate some high maintenance bitch he loved.

The calls for everyone to look at the cake table silenced my thoughts. Edward, Leah, Jasper, and I moved closer to the couple. We stopped when we were standing to the side, right in the front.

Emmett and Rose stood there behind the cake. People Ooo'ed and Ahh'ed over the confection. It was a large four tiered cake with three large tiers on top and a wide, thinner base at the bottom. The cake had lots of flowers colored in red, orange, and yellow outlining each top section. On the sides, strips of the same colors were placed all around. It was a monstrosity of a cake, but it had been the only thing Rosalie had let Emmett have total control over. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't hear of it.

They both held the cake knife in their hands. Rose had to lean slightly forward to reach, and when she did, she lost her balance. I watched in horror as she tried to catch herself, flailing and falling right into the cake. Emmett pulled her out, and she was covered in icing and chocolate cake. Tears began falling from her eyes while she turned beet red. No one spoke a word, knowing the situation was not funny.

Emmett looked to the cake, back at Rose, and then back to the cake again. He tossed the knife that was still in his hand behind him. Pushing her to the side, he took a deep breath and took a step back.

"Cannonball!" Emmett jumped right onto the table and into the cake. The impact of his dive caused the table to buckle. It broke, sending Emmett to the floor with the cake underneath him. When he stood up, he was covered in icing and cake. All that was left of the beautiful cake was clumps on the floor.

"I can lick that off you if you want, you know. I am very efficient with my tongue," James called out from the other side of the room.

The crowd gathered around burst into laughter. Emmett guffawed, walking over to his bride.

"See, baby. No need to be embarrassed. I'll gladly make an ass out of myself to take everyone's eyes off your clumsiness." I heard Emmett say to Rosalie. I caught her eye, winking. She smiled and then kissed Emmett.

~.~.~.~

After the mishap with the cake, the party wound down. I let Rose and Emmett use my apartment to get cleaned up and delegated the task of removing the cake from the bar's floor to others. Jasper had volunteered, and it had amused me. I had a feeling he was trying to get on my good side. It was funny, but it was going to take more than cleaning up cake to make me warm up to his ass.

Everyone had gone outside to wish the couple farewell when they left. They were going to go home and pack, so they could go to Vancouver the next day. With another hug, they thanked Edward again for his generosity. And again, Edward waved them off and told them that he owed them for their kindness. Seeing Edward get along with my friends and family had done funny things to me. I felt like, for the first time, I had finally done something right by choosing to let him in.

Once we had changed and showered the day away, Edward and I met back up in my apartment. The feeling we hadn't really gotten to see much of each other at the wedding and reception had been mutual, so we decided a night in was a good way to correct it.

"Mmmmm. That feels so good," I purred.

"Well, I'll do this anytime you want." The seductive tone in his voice was hard to miss.

I made a noncommittal sound.

It was official—Edward gave the best foot massages on the planet. The way those large hands and nimble fingers worked the muscles on the bottom of my foot felt divine.

There was a show on the television that neither of us were really watching. Instead, we talked as he rubbed my feet. That had started from a comment about how uncomfortable my shoes had been. Just when I thought Edward couldn't possibly get better in my eyes, he went and topped it. I wasn't blind to his flaws—far from it. However, he was proving that he was in a league above the other men I'd dated.

"I'm going to get something to drink." I could feel the lust building, and I needed a distraction before I did something stupid. "Do you want something?"

"Uh, sure." He looked at me funny.

I nodded and pulled my feet out of his lap. Walking into the kitchen, I opened the fridge to look at my choices. I stood there a few moments, trying to decide.

A pair of arms wrapped around me. I melted back into Edward's body, relishing in the contact.

"What do we have?" he asked in a low voice.

"Um, there's water, juice, milk, soda…"

His hands had moved from my waist to my hips, sending heat through my body. I shut the door and turned to look at him.

"I can make you something to eat, if you're hungry instead," I walked away from him—my body screaming in protest. As I reached up to open the cupboard, he pressed me against the counter.

"I'm hungry…but not for food," he breathed in my ear, the warm air sending shivers down my spine.

I'd been a good girl—really, I had. When he'd slept in my bed the night I'd been scared my ex was breaking in, I hadn't jumped him. However, a gal can only take so much of the sexy soldier before she'd crack. And I'd reached my breaking point.

I pushed my backside into him, feeling his erection. I moved against him and caused him to moan.

"What do you want then?" I asked, loving how he felt against me.

He spun me around, crashing his lips to mine. I fisted his shirt and pulled him closer. Losing myself in the kiss, I barely noticed I was being lifted onto a hard surface. I broke away, panting.

"Not here." There was no way in hell we were having sex for the first time in the kitchen. There was a bunch of crap on the counter, and I wasn't willing to get my ass stabbed or something.

"Where?" He began running open-mouthed kisses down my neck.

"Bedroom."

Edward hooked his arms under my thighs and lifted me, turning toward the bedroom. A moan escaped my lips as he laid me down on the bed. As we began removing our clothes in between small kisses, I noticed his eyes. They were full of desire—desire for me. I'd never felt so wanted, and it made me feel powerful to know I could make him feel that way.

His hands ran a slow and torturous path across my navel, over my stomach, and under my breasts. My back arched in pleasure as a soft sigh escaped me and my eyes closed. The man was slowly killing me with foreplay.

When my eyes opened again, I noticed he was kneeling between my open legs with his boxers still on. That just wouldn't do. I was lying before him, completely naked and ready to be fucked senseless. I wasn't going to let Edward sit there and stare at me like some creepy stalker. Rising up, I tugged on them, hoping he'd understand my silent plea.

He leaned over the bed, grabbing his pants and tossing a foil packet on the bed. It wasn't long before the last piece of fabric between us was gone, and Edward was covering my body with his. His kisses were frantic and needy.

"I wish I could be a gentleman and take things slow." Edward palmed my breast, eliciting a moan from me. "But you're too goddamn beautiful to resist."

His eyes raked over my body as he opened and removed the condom from the packet. I watched impatiently as he rolled the latex over his engorged dick, making sure it was on correctly. Edward gripped his shaft and gave it a few pumps, before I'd had enough.

I reached up and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him toward me. Edward collapsed on top of me, pressing against me and capturing my mouth in a heated kiss. I felt his hand graze my opening as his tongue tangled with mine.

He pulled away from my lips. "So fucking wet. I—I can't. Please tell me you want this."

Edward looked at me, showing me the desperation in his eyes. I leaned up, taking his ear into my mouth and sucking on it hard. Taking that as confirmation, he slammed his cock into me. A loud moan escaped from me.

He started thrusting, filling me up. I could feel the first indications of pleasure ripple through my core.

"Oh, God. You feel so—Uhhhhhhhhhh."

He slammed into me one last time and then stilled. I watched as his face contorted and tensed.

_No._

_Nononononononono._

_Motherfucker. _

Edward collapsed on top of me with his full weight. He was panting.

"Shit, I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what the fuck happened," he said, rolling off of me.

I stared up at the ceiling, cursing my luck.

_Fuck you, universe. I know he can't be perfect…but damn. Couldn't you have given him a third nipple, or a speech impediment, instead of making him a minute man? I mean, really? _

"Please…just say something. The silence is killing me," Edward pleaded, throwing his arm over his eyes.

I looked over at Edward, lying beside me. I felt really bad for him, but I was a little pissed, too. He'd gotten off while I was still horny as hell.

"It's okay. It happens to lots of guys." I tried to sound like I wasn't dying of lust.

He groaned, moving his arm and looking at me. "This shit has never happened to me, I swear. It's just been a long time since I've…well, you know."

I pecked his lips and chuckled. "It's fine, really. I'm just going to hop in the shower. I'll be right back."

I got up and walked out of the room. I know leaving him on the bed was a crappy thing to do, but I needed a moment to deal with the disappointment I was feeling. In a way, I'd kind of built up what our first time would be like in my head. Letting him know how I was feeling would have only made him feel worse, and I didn't want that.

I made my way into the bathroom and started the shower. When it was ready, I stepped under the spray. I washed my hair and body, trying to relax and ignore the ache in my lower regions. It was useless, though. Edward had gotten me worked up, and the only way it was going to go away is if I finished myself off.

I imagined Edward and all the things that should have happened as I swirled my finger around my clit. I was so into it, I didn't hear Edward enter the shower. I jumped when I felt his hand pull mine away from my nub.

"You know," he whispered into my ear. "All you had to do was ask. I know I was a huge disappointment, but hell baby, I would have eaten you out until you screamed my name."

His words made me shiver.

"Are you finished with me? Or are you going to let me prove I can make you come."

His fingers took over the work, pumping in and out of me, while his thumb worked my clit. I was so worked up, it didn't take long for me to see stars.

"Fuck," Edward said, watching as I shook with release, crying out in pleasure. Exhausted, I slumped against him.

We washed each other, stealing kisses and touches every so often. Afterwards, as we lay in my bed together, I realized I still loved the man even though he'd basically turned out to be a two pump chump. Falling asleep in his arms, the last thought that came to mind was there had to be a way to overcome his problem.

_Right?_

~.~.~.~

The next morning, Edward had left not long after we woke up. I was sure he was embarrassed about the night before. I'd already come to terms with it and was determined to find a way to fix it. I was nothing if not persistent. He left me with a kiss before leaving.

Later that day, before it was time to go to work, there was a knock at my door. Thinking it might be Edward, I stopped dusting and went to answer it. However, my sexy soldier was not on the other side of the door. It was motherfucking James.

_I am so not in the mood for his ass. _

"Good afternoon, Indian princess" Before I could tell James to go away, he marched into my apartment carrying a laptop. He sat down on my couch, making himself comfortable. I glared at him as he opened it up.

"I've been doing some research, and I've found a lot of interesting information. Did you know that you can track your ovulation by taking your basal body temperature every day?"

_Oh, good God_.

"You use this special thermometer and chart it. Now, you have to do this in the morning right after you wake up, and I'm willing to sleep at the end of your bed to make sure it's done…" He continued to stare at the screen.

"Get out." I flopped down on the couch next to him.

"Oh, well, if you'd rather have Mr. Perfect do it, I can show him how. I am going to keep a document with all of the information, though." His eyes dared me to argue.

I winced, remembering the night before. James noticed, unfortunately, and leaned toward me.

"You know, you should be much happier now that you and wonder cock are getting it on." He studied my face. I turned my head away from him.

He let out a shocked gasp. "Nooooooo."

"I'm not saying anything. Just…just go away." I covered my face.

"Oh, no. This is a tragedy of epic proportions. It's such a waste that soldier boy is such a huge disappointment in the bedroom."

"James." I moved my hands and narrowed my eyes at him.

"I would have never guessed," he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

I was about to drag him out the door. He was really starting to piss me off.

"I need to know the exact problem, princess. That way, we can find the right solution." James started clicking frantically on his keyboard. When I didn't answer, he looked at me expectantly.

"I'm waiting." He pursed his lips.

"I…it was fine, James. Great even. I don't know what you're talking about," I lied, unable to look him in the eye.

"Fine. I'm not the one who will have to live with sexual frustration," he sang, his tone saying he didn't believe me for a second.

I thought over my options. Edward had said his _problem_ wasn't something he'd ever experienced before. I was well aware, though, guys lied about shit like that all the time. I really, really wanted to be with him, but the cracked out diva was right. Living with sexual frustration would probably kill me and most definitely turn me into a shrew. I sighed, deciding to bite the bullet and swallow my fucking pride.

_This is going to hurt…so much_.

"I really hate you; I hope you know," I complained, James looking at me expectantly. "Fine, yes, we slept together for the first time last night, and it…uh…wasn't that great."

"Whoa, wait a minute." James stood up and placed his computer on the cushion. "You mean to tell me last night was the first time? What the hell is wrong with you? I'd have hit that long ago."

"Well, not all of us are as awesome as you," I said sarcastically.

"Sweet pea, no one is as awesome as me. Trying is just going to kill your self-esteem," James said, patting my knee.

"Oh, fuck you," I retorted, shoving his hand away. "I'm ten seconds away from kicking your ass. Are you helping me or not?"

"Yes. Tell Auntie James the problem."James returned to his seat, picking back up his laptop.

Gritting my teeth, I told him about our failed attempt the night before. James listened and then went to his computer. He looked through a few sites until he found what he was looking for. He turned the screen toward me.

"Okay, so I'm thinking we should start with either a cock ring or some kind of numbing gel. This, of course, is a short-term solution. What I think he should really do is work on his kegel muscles. If he can control those, then that should take care of the problem," he advised with a nod.

"Kegel muscles?"

"Both of you are hopeless," James threw himself backwards into the couch cushions with a whine. "All I want is a niece or nephew to spoil. However, I'm never going to get one. I was good when I was a child. Why am I being punished?"

"Just because you might be able to improve the quality of my love life doesn't mean I'm getting pregnant."

"That's what you think."

I decided to ignore his last comment. He was willing to help me, and I figured letting him live in his delusional world for the moment was a small price to pay. I listened as he gave me some other pointers. It was shocking, to say the least, when I realized James really did know what he was talking about. Huh.

"Do you need anything else?"

"Um, no," I said as James stood up, carrying his laptop and walking toward the door.

I looked over at the clock, realizing it was almost time for work. Edward, James, and I were supposed to be working the next shift together. Suddenly, asking the diva for advice didn't seem like the best idea.

"Wait," I called out. He stopped and looked at me.

"I thought you said…"

"You can't say anything to Edward. He'll be so upset if you do. Please, promise me you won't," I begged, grabbing his shoulders.

"I don't know."

"I'll let you be the godfather of my first child if you keep your mouth shut."

James squealed. "Oh, Indian Princess. Of course I won't say anything."

I smiled at him, feeling better I'd avoided that hurdle.

"I have to start looking for Christening outfits. Baby Cullen deserves only the best."

He practically skipped out of my door and into his apartment. I walked over, shut the door, and sat back down on the couch. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

What he didn't realize was Edward and I were probably never going to have children, so his hopes were eventually going to be crushed. It was just too horrific to imagine what the diva would do to it. So, bringing a kid into the world just wasn't worth it.

_Oh, well. He'd get over it eventually_, I thought.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We're so curious to see what your reactions are to this chapter? Was it what you expected?

You can find us on twitter under the names d_inspiration and shelikethesound. Until next time, ladies!


	15. Feel This

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Thank you to nowforruin and sherryola for helping us pretty up this story - we love you! And thank you for every single alert, review and mention we get from you wonderful, wonderful people. You are amazing. :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 – Feel This<strong>

**EPOV**

An asshole. An epic screw-up. A disaster with a dick. A complete and utter bastard. A hopeless idiot. A fucked up, embarrassing, teenage boy. A disgrace to men everywhere. I wasn't quite sure what the correct term to call myself was. Maybe if I combined them all, I'd get it somewhat right.

Even if I would somehow be lucky enough to get to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to Bella, it wouldn't be enough. I had never been so humiliated in my life, but that didn't mean anything in comparison to the state I'd left Bella in. That shit was just totally unacceptable. I hadn't exactly timed it, but I couldn't have lasted more than a few minutes.

_Way to make your first time together memorable, Cullen. _

The week following the wedding dragged. The happy couple had washed off the cake and flown to Paris as soon as they could, using my wedding present. I was happy that I'd gotten them what I'd wanted to give them instead of whatever they might have registered for. A china set didn't send you on a honeymoon – and neither did sex toys.

Every time I tried to talk to Bella, something came up. If she wasn't thermometer shopping – _whatever that meant_ – with James, she was running out the door to go pick up Rose and Emmett's mail or filling in for Leah at the diner. Leah had apparently asked for time off to go to Seattle with Jasper for a week. I was torn between thinking that Jasper needed to stay away from Forks and thinking that his taste had improved since Alice.

Even if I hadn't been able to sit Bella down and talk to her properly, I'd gotten her flowers and apologized so many times that she was now snapping at me. And then apologizing for snapping, which led to me apologizing again and her snapping…vicious, vicious circle.

The nights weren't much better. We'd slept in the same bed a few nights, never going past kissing and cuddling. Bella would claim to be tired, and I couldn't blame her for not wanting a repeat of the last time. However, that didn't mean that I wasn't desperate to show her that it was a fluke and that I was man enough to satisfy her. Talking to her about it was futile, though. She was _tired_. I thought it was way too early in our relationship for that, but of course I wasn't a relationship expert. Or man enough to please my woman, apparently.

If that wasn't bad enough, then I'd become so paranoid about the whole thing that I'd gotten it into my head that James knew. The looks he sent me sometimes were filled with pity. I'd sworn to myself that if he knew – by spying, being told by Bella, or even if he'd seen it in a goddamn vision – I was going to drown myself in my kitchen sink. There were just certain things that I couldn't bear to live with, because if he did know, it would only be a matter of time before he started giving me hell about it.

By the time Friday rolled on, I was ready to go back to Afghanistan to prove my worth as a man. The only thing saving my sanity was the fact that Charlie had made me complete an online hunting education course and sent me to get my hunting license at the Olympic Sporting Goods store during the week. He was lending me a rifle and taking me deer hunting the following day. I was planning to retreat back to being a caveman who brought home a dead animal to prove his masculinity.

"I hate you!" James hissed at me as he walked by carrying a tray of shot glasses.

"I know. You've been telling me that for three days now. I got it the first time," I replied and turned back to the whiskey I was pouring.

James was not a fan of hunting and had made it clear about a hundred times that I would burn in hell for killing Bambi. He was also sure that I was the one who had killed Bambi's mother. I was surprised he had seen that movie since it didn't feature Tom Cruise.

It didn't help James' mood that there was a lot of talk about hunting at the bar in general as deer hunting season was starting. He fought Bella and me – even Charlie when he was there – for the female customers, as they weren't as likely to talk about hunting.

"Bambi murderers burn in hell," he told me, coming to stand behind me after I'd served an older guy, who'd told me he was a good friend of Harry's. I didn't know why I needed to know that, but I was thankful that the guy hadn't asked for firewater.

"James, honey, stop nagging Edward," Sue interrupted. "You know as well as I do that you eat venison when I cook it and invite you over for dinner. Double standards aren't pretty."

I turned to send Sue a smile. I hadn't seen her come into the bar, but her calling James on his bullshit was one of my favorite things.

"Good evening, Sue," I greeted her. "What can I get you?"

"Something with a pretty color and an umbrella. I'm feeling adventurous," she replied and sat down.

James leaned over the counter in front of her. "Mama Swan," he said seriously. "When the brutal, manly men have already killed Bambi, it would be a waste not to eat the meat."

Sue patted his head. "You keep telling yourself that, honey. Just remember that if Edward and Charlie don't shoot anything tomorrow, there'll be no nice venison dinners."

James went away, pouting, and I handed Sue her drink. She tasted it and gave me an approving thumbs up.

I served customers while chatting with her. As I got to know her and Charlie more and more, it wasn't surprising that they had raised kids as amazing as Bella and Jake. Sue was hands down one of the nicest people I had ever met, and she seemed to draw in everyone with her warmth, humor, and need to make sure that the people around her were comfortable and happy. To me, she was the definition of what a mother should be. She was also pretty much everything my own mom wasn't.

"Hey, lady. Don't hit on my man. Yours is out back," Bella teased as she came to stand next to me. She smiled up at me and slipped a finger through the belt loop of my jeans.

Sue laughed. "Well, I better go see my man, then. Since I can't have yours and all."

Bella wrinkled her nose, but then laughed. "That was awkward. Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut."

I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. I enjoyed the way she melted into me briefly. It was fairly innocent, considering we were working and all, but even the most innocent gestures made the doubts I had go away for a moment. It wasn't fair to doubt Bella just because she wasn't eager to repeat the most disastrous sex in the history of sex, but being pushed away repeatedly did that to a man's ego, apparently. Plus, everything was still so new between us.

_Ugh. And I am officially turning into a teenage girl_.

I didn't get a lot of sleep that night. Not just because Charlie was picking me up before dawn, but because I had a nightmare where he found out that I wasn't doing a very good job of keeping his daughter satisfied. Instead of shooting deer, he shot me, and I woke up drenched in sweat just as I was bleeding to death and Charlie was laughing manically at me. _Fucking hell_. This needed to stop, and it needed to stop soon.

I got out of bed, groaning when my leg didn't agree with the action. Charlie had told me to dress appropriately. The only problem was that I didn't know what appropriately meant when it came to hunting. It would have to be warm as it was sure to be fucking cold outside. I tried to remember what people had been wearing in the hunting pictures in Charlie's office. Green…definitely green. And brown maybe? _Right._ I needed to find something in my closet that made me look like the forest.

Ten minutes later, I was inhaling my coffee in my Army fatigues. It was the only thing that was even remotely appropriate in my closet for an early morning deer hunting expedition. I should have gotten some clothes when I went to get my hunting license. I'd already promised myself that if I liked hunting, I was getting my own rifle. Clothes would have to be added to the list.

I was excited when Charlie picked me up. He took one look at what I was wearing and gave me a satisfied nod. His own pants were fatigues, too, but his jacket was a dusty green and his hunting cap was brown. He looked a hell of a lot warmer than I expected to be.

"Morning, son," he greeted me.

"Morning," I replied, getting into the old pickup truck.

The car smelled of coffee, and there were two travel mugs in a small cardboard box on the seat between us. Coltrane was playing softly in the background, and I wasn't surprised to see the music coming from a build-in cassette player. Charlie was so old-school that he was cool in my book.

Neither of us felt the need to fill the comfortable silence with unnecessary words. It had been a long time since I had been up before dawn, so I enjoyed the opportunity to make my mind wake up fully. Charlie drank from one of the travel mugs, and he motioned for me to take the other one. I nodded my thanks and sipped the tar-like brew. I was definitely awake now.

I had no idea where we were. Charlie turned down a forest road, and after about ten minutes, he pulled over and parked. We got out, and Charlie produced two rifles. I chuckled to myself as I remembered how many times I'd wished I'd had my hands on a weapon since arriving in Forks. James and the noisy couple from the motel were lucky they weren't around that morning.

I hadn't anticipated how much I would enjoy just being out in the forest. It was while trudging behind Charlie on the damp forest floor that I truly realized how right Jake had been about small town life. In Seattle, driving for twenty minutes didn't get you to a place where all you could hear was your own breathing and the forest waking up. I decided right then and there that I was never going back to living in the big city.

It started to rain, drizzling miserably down my collar and soaking my clothes. Once in a while, Charlie would quietly point out tracks to me, and I quickly realized that he was a very skilled hunter. I paid attention, but I also took time to enjoy nature. Even if it was very wet nature.

It was Charlie who spotted a deer first, of course. He alerted me that he was going to take a shot, and then it rang out, echoing through the forest and hitting the target perfectly.

"It's going to be a while before we see any animals again. The shot scared them off," Charlie said as we walked over to the dead deer. "We usually call it a day when someone has taken down an animal, but we can stick around so you can get a shot in."

"That's okay," I replied. "It didn't really feel like the goal today was to fire the rifle. It was great just being out here."

Charlie chuckled. "I knew you were good people. Some of the guys I've been hunting with for twenty years still don't get what it took you one morning to figure out. As nice as it is to bring something home after a hunt, there's much more to it than that."

I helped Charlie carry the deer back to the truck. Now that we didn't have to be quiet, he told me about the magic Sue could make with venison and promised me a dinner invite.

"You're a good hunting buddy, Edward," he told me when we'd reached the truck and loaded the deep. "You know how to shut up and how to walk quietly. I've been teaching Emmett the art of silence for years, but he still makes too much noise when he walks. Jake…well, my boy couldn't shut up for two damn minutes. I'm sure you know."

I nodded, remembering fondly how many times I'd told him to be quiet. "He could actually be quiet when he had to, though. Of course, he also looked like he might burst after five minutes. He had so many words he needed to get out."

Charlie sighed with a small smile. "That he did."

Since Charlie had brought him up, I spent the drive back to town telling him about some of Jake's Army escapades. Like the time he'd TP'ed Colonel Banner's tent, or when he'd made the ultimate sacrifice by saving the chocolate bars from his rations for a few weeks to hand out to local kids.

Charlie laughed and reciprocated with a story about twelve year old Jake and Emmett, writing the _Chocolate Manifesto_ and reading it aloud in the town square. "Those boys always took their chocolate seriously, so it really must have been a great sacrifice for Jake to give it to the kids."

"Receiving cookies from Bella probably softened the blow," I commented with a chuckle.

Charlie shook his head with an affectionate smile. "It didn't matter what that boy asked for when he was overseas. Between Bella, Sue, and Rose, he'd be sure to get it. He'd write his mom asking for Snickers bars, then Bella, and then Rose. Sometimes he'd ask me, too, but I knew they'd all sent him some. One time I sent him a carrot instead."

I laughed. "So that's where the carrot came from! I remember him parading it around, but he didn't want to share why he'd gotten it. He thought it was funny until some of the guys started calling him Bunny."

We shared and laughed at stories about Jake the whole way home. Charlie dropped me off at the diner and told me that anytime I wanted to go hunting again, I should just let him know.

I was still drenched when I climbed the stairs. It didn't matter that I had nothing to show for my first hunting adventure – the experience had ingrained itself deeply in me. Everything about it had appealed to me – watching the forest awake to a new day, carrying around a rifle without having to worry about getting shot at, spending time with a man that I greatly admired, learning new things, and getting a closer look at the amazing nature that my new hometown was surrounded by.

I unlocked the door and nearly ran smack into James.

"Holy mother of sweet, little baby Jesus!" he exclaimed. He gaped wide-eyed at me, and I wondered if I'd gotten blood on my clothes or something. "Why have you not put on a uniform sooner, soldier pie? Not that you don't look lickable in civilian clothes, but denying people the sight of you in uniform as like denying them air!"

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him. I had a date with a hot shower and some dry clothes.

"Bella!" he yelled loudly and ran over to pound on her door.

She came out when I was unlocking my door, and I paused before going inside.

"Good morning, pretty firecracker," I greeted her, unable to stop the smile forming on my lips.

She looked like she'd just rolled out of bed, which was very likely since it wasn't that late. She was probably still half asleep because instead of returning my greeting, she just stared at me.

"I know, right?" James said to her, leaning against her doorframe and fanning himself with one hand. "Your soldier man is fucking hot, Indian princess. Just imagine those little soldier babies running around in their fatigues onesies."

I sighed. "James, do me a favor?"

"Yes, I'll peel that wet uniform off you," he replied.

I ignored him. "Wherever you were going when I came in? Please go there now."

"Okay," he said with a sigh before pulling his cell phone from his pocket. "But I'm getting a picture first!"

Before I could protest, he snapped a picture with his phone. I rolled my eyes again, but at least I wasn't naked this time. Then he sent me an air kiss and scampered out the door. I walked over to Bella, who now looked a little more awake.

"What does a guy have to do to get a good morning kiss around here?" I asked.

"Not a damn thing. Good morning kisses are mandatory. Especially when you're wearing _that_," she replied and reached up to pull my head down to appropriate Bella Kissing Level. She kept her distance at first, but firecracker kisses had a tendency to heat up to the point where we both got lost. Her lips were soft and warm, and she tasted of toothpaste. She melted against me at the same time that I pressed her against the doorframe, and she squeaked into my mouth and pulled back.

"Shit, you're cold! And wet."

I laughed and let her go. "Being out in the rain will do that to you."

"Ugh. Go shower and warm up. You'll get sick, and I'm not dressing up as naughty nurse," she said, wrinkling her nose.

I sighed. "And there goes that fantasy. Shower with me?"

"Um…I can't. I have stuff to do," she replied after hesitating briefly.

I hooked a finger under her chin and made her look at me. "This is getting ridiculous. Come over for lunch? I have no idea where to take you on a date, especially when we never have a night off at the same time. But bear with me while I figure it out? I'll dazzle you with my extremely ordinary cooking skills."

She bit her lip in an unsuccessful attempt to kill a smile. "I wish you'd stop being so freaking adorable."

"Is that a 'Yes, Edward, I'd love to come over for lunch'?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is," she replied with a smile.

"All right then. See you at lunch," I told her, picking up her hand and kissing the inside of her wrist.

I walked back to my own door for a second attempt at unlocking it. Before going inside, I looked over at Bella who was still standing in her door. She smiled and waved at me before disappearing inside. I followed her example, heading straight for the shower. Without Bella's kisses to warm me up, I was fucking freezing.

While I warmed up under the hot spray of water, I thought about what to make for lunch. I could cook, but I hadn't been kidding when I said that my cooking skills were ordinary. I knew how to make the stuff that I liked to eat, but that was it. And I was a simple man who liked simple things.

Forty-five minutes later when I'd gotten dressed and eaten a not very appetizing apple, I was still as clueless about what to make. Looking around the grocery store that I was currently in was not helping much. Everything was either too complicated or too boring. I had a woman to woo for heaven's sake.

I finally ended up deciding on calzones. My parents had had an Italian housekeeper for a while when I was a kid, and she had cooked more dinners for the family than my mom ever had. She was also the one who had taught me how to cook, telling me that food wasn't just the way to a man's heart, but the way to anyone's heart. I really hoped she was right. She'd taught me how to make calzones when I was fourteen, and I'd found it highly embarrassing when Jasper found out that I was learning to cook. Surprisingly, though, he'd just asked if he could learn, too.

Safely back home without getting ambushed by James again, the calzones were quickly done. I made a salad to go with them, and if that didn't dazzle the firecracker, I had my secret weapon stashed safely away. Chocolate ice cream and chocolate-covered cherries. Maybe Bella had secretly had a hand in the Chocolate Manifesto, too, because she really did appreciate it.

I had time to spare, so I dug out my laptop and Googled where one could bring his pretty firecracker on a date in Port Angeles. There weren't a million options, but I was confident that I could pull of a proper date as soon as time allowed us to go on one. I surfed around a little, checking sports news, the prices on hunting rifles, and then ended up checking my email. The email from Jake still sat unopened in my inbox, and so did the six others from former squad members.

I was curious, but at the same time I knew that whatever was in those emails would be painful to read. Dealing with the fact that Jake, Crowley, Jones, and Byrne were gone while I was not had not gotten less painful. Somehow, I had just learned to deal with it a little better. At least that's what it felt like when I talked about Jake with Charlie, Bella, Sue, or Emmett. Talking about him even helped as it felt like he wasn't quite as _gone_ when he still possessed the power to make us all laugh.

The cursor hovered over one of the emails, and after a deep breath I opened one of them. It was from a guy named Tom Collins. He'd been the least sociable guy in the squad, but a dedicated and brave man, who I had a lot of respect for. The email was written while I was still at the hospital, just after he'd gotten home. He asked about how I was doing, and I realized that I'd been a shitty person by not letting them know that I was okay.

He told me about how the squad had crumbled completely and that the remaining members had been sent home early to escort the bodies of Jake, Crowley, Byrne, and Jones. I wondered if they had attended the funerals, too, and that lead me to thoughts of Jake's funeral and his heartbroken friends and family. It was so different when you knew the people being left behind.

I checked my watch. Bella would be arriving soon, and I needed to finish lunch. But the first chance I got, I would be reading and replying to those emails. I had been a thoughtless bastard long enough. It was the last thing I could do for my old squad.

To my own great surprise, the calzones _did_ manage to dazzle Bella. And the chocolate-covered cherries didn't hurt, either.

"Do you have any other talents I should know about?" she asked while we ate. "When my mom finds out that you can cook, she'll be fighting my dad for you. Leah tries, but she needs constant supervision in the kitchen."

I chuckled. "Tell Sue that if she switches to an Italian menu, she can come see me. I learned how to cook by our old Italian housekeeper, and I never really branched out much."

"So it's a really good thing that I love Italian food, isn't it?" Bella asked, winking.

I smiled broadly at the thought of cooking for her again. "Yes, that's a really good thing."

The conversation flowed effortlessly between us, and I wondered if I should broach the subject of sex. Because we hadn't talked about it, and because I hadn't gotten a chance to prove otherwise, Bella had it in her head that there was something wrong with me. It bothered me that she saw things that way, but I couldn't blame her. I was just sick of getting shot down every time I tried to talk to her about it.

"Don't you think we should talk about last weekend?" I asked, finally caving.

She looked over my shoulder instead of at my face. "The wedding?"

I sighed. "Bella, please."

"Okay! Jeez. I don't want to talk about it because I see how it affected you, okay?" she finally said, and the look in her eyes told me she really had been more worried about me than being left wanting. "I thought talking it to death was the last thing you needed. And I don't know how yet, but I'm sure we can fix it or…I don't know…make it better?"

The sincerity in her eyes was so touching, and it made me fall in love with her all over again. But it was also pretty funny how she refused to believe that the only reason I'd done my not so impressive Teenage Virgin impression was because the only action I'd gotten in a really long time was whatever my own hand could provide.

Before I could respond, Bella's cell phone rang. She shot me an apologetic look, but I had a feeling she was rather relieved by the timing of whoever was calling her.

"Hey, Dad," she said after she'd checked who was calling. She listened while occasionally throwing in a _yes_ or an _of course_. Then she hung up and looked at me.

"There's some kind of convention in Port Angeles, and a few busloads of people just arrived in Forks. Dad wants to open the bar early. I promised I'd be right down. Are you up for it?" she asked, standing up.

"Sure," I replied, suppressing the urge to sigh and curse Charlie's timing to hell and back. Whoever said that relationships weren't easy was definitely not kidding.

I left the dishes in the sink for later and followed Bella out of the apartment. She waited for me while I locked my door. "Thanks for lunch, Edward. It was delicious," she said.

I smiled at her, and when I'd slipped the keys into my pocket, I reached out and grabbed her by the waist. My need for her never wavered – not even when we were busy creating distance between us because of all kinds of stupid stuff. Pressing my lips against hers, the eager response that she couldn't hide or control made me confident that I'd be able to convince her that what had happened the previous Saturday was a one time thing. If not with my words, then with my actions. The pretty firecracker had a news flash coming her way. Soon.

After making out for almost fifteen minutes – and me calming down in another five – we finally managed to find our way down to the bar. Charlie was in full swing serving the customers, and Bella and I jumped right in.

"I called James first," I overheard Charlie tell Bella. "But he said he was in Port Angeles looking for…um…no, I'm not going to repeat that. Especially not to my daughter, who in my mind will always remain a virgin. He'll be here at the usual time, though. And I hope I'll be long gone by then, because I don't know if I can look him in the eyes."

Bella laughed. "Oh, come on, Dad. You know how he is. It's not a good day for him unless he's gotten everyone riled up. I'm sure he was just kidding about whatever he said. And I'm going to be asking him what it was since you won't tell me."

Charlie groaned. "Please don't. You shouldn't even know about stuff like that. Come to think of it, neither should I!"

They continued their playful bickering, and since I was curious about what the hell James had said to get Charlie so rattled, I texted him and asked. It took less than a minute before I got a reply back, and when I read it, I wished that I hadn't been so curious. James had been looking at cock rings. I rolled my eyes and wondered why I was even surprised.

It was a busy night. The convention people from Port Angeles left around eleven, and soon after Charlie went home after he'd spent most of the night avoiding James. A little before closing time, Bella shut herself in the office and left the closing and the clean-up to James and me. Personally, I didn't mind. I'd take manual labor over paperwork any day, but James complained.

"My feet hurt," he whined. He was wiping down the counter while lying on top of it. "I'm too pretty to be in pain."

There wasn't a lot left to do, and I'd get it done quicker if he stopped whining and being in the way. "Go on upstairs. I'll finish up here," I said.

"Really? Awesome! Thanks, pickle dick!" he exclaimed and jumped down from the counter. He did a little victory dance, apparently forgetting that his feet hurt, and then sprinted out the door.

I shook my head and finished up out front before heading out back to see if Bella was ready to leave. However, she was not doing paperwork like I'd expected. She sat on the edge of the desk wearing only jeans and a bra. Her top was in her hands, and she was scrubbing it furiously.

She looked up when she heard me. "There's a baseball bat behind the door. Go kill James, please?"

I snorted, more than just a little distracted by all the skin and sexy curves on display. "I don't need a baseball bat, but mind telling me why I'm killing him? Might need a good explanation for court, you know."

"The lying bastard spilled something on me earlier when we ran into each other, and he claimed that it didn't stain. Well, it was red wine, so obviously it stained!" she grumbled. "If it doesn't come off, he's buying me a new top."

I shrugged and walked over to her. "I don't know. I kind of like you without a top."

I could tell by her posture that the anger left her body at my words. I was glad. Sure, it was pretty, but it was just a top – and she did look spectacular without it on. I stepped in between her legs and took the cloth out of her hands. At her questioning look, I just smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

"Do you have any idea how fucking beautiful you are?" I asked between kisses.

Instead of replying, she moaned and began tugging at my t-shirt. I chuckled and trailed kisses down her throat, loving the effect I had on her as I felt her hands faltering in what they were doing.

"Since you won't listen to me, I'm going to convince you another way," I told her as I unfastened her bra. I loved the way her breasts felt in my hands, and by the sounds she was omitting, Bella liked it, too. The firecracker was pretty all over.

"Doesn't matter. Your fingers are enough," she said, slightly out of breath. "Ugh. Why are you wearing so many clothes?"

My fingers were enough? I groaned. I'd fucking show her. I took a step back and pulled off my t-shirt. Tugging Bella up, my lips worked on her neck while my hands were busy unfastening her jeans. The little vixen did nothing to help – instead she rubbed me through my jeans, which shattered my concentration completely. As did her fingers working the button and the zipper and reaching into my boxers to stroke me. _Holy fuck._ And fondle my balls. It was like she _wanted_ me to embarrass myself. Goddamn firecracker and her adventurous hands.

I pushed her jeans and panties down past her hips. "Sit," I told her.

She took her hand out of my underwear and saluted me with a wink. "Aye, aye, Sir!"

She sat down, and I bent down and flicked her nipple with my tongue. That made her stop with the winking and saluting, and she moaned instead. Her fingers wove into my hair and kept my face right where she wanted it. I didn't mind. I was in nipple heaven.

With the garments out of the way, I ghosted my fingers up her thighs. They parted for me, and I slipped a finger inside her at the same time as I sucked hard on her nipple. She cried out and nearly yanked two handfuls of my hair out. Chuckling against her skin, I reached up with my other hand and coerced her fingers out of my hair. I then kissed her lips while she hooked her feet around my legs, keeping me against her. _Like I was planning on going anywhere_.

"Need you," she said, biting down on my lower lip.

"I thought you said that my fingers were enough," I teased, adding a second finger into her.

"Oooohh…no…well…shit, that feels good…I meant…oh hell, you know what I meant," she said in between several throaty moans.

I chuckled and produced a condom from my pocket. I was a regular boy scout when it came to being prepared. Pushing down my jeans and boxers past my hips, I tore open the wrapper with my teeth and rolled the condom on while Bella watched. Not only did I know what she meant, but I was also more than ready to give her what she wanted. What I wanted. What we needed. Sliding into her was as heavenly as the first time, and I'd cut off my own dick before disappointing her like that again. So we needed something that didn't end in disappointment.

We were on the right track. Being inside of Bella felt like the opposite of disappointment. I captured her lips, moving my tongue in a very uncoordinated manner compared to my hips. Her hands were all over, touching every part of me that she could reach, and our moans rang out together. We were literally fucking loud, and it was a good thing that there was no one else left at the bar.

I upped my pace a little, groaning loudly when I looked down and saw myself moving in and out of her. Soon I could feel her tightening around me, and if both my hands hadn't been occupied with touching Bella, I would have done a fist pump. I could even see the surprise on her face just before she came hard, chanting _fuck_ and digging her nails into my back.

I slowed down to let her catch her breath, leaning down to kiss her shoulder. She skin was salty and damp, and for just a moment the teenage boy came back inside of me, marking his girl with a hickey. When I pulled back and looked at her, her eyes were wide.

"Shit, shit, shit…" she panted. Pushing some papers and stuff aside so it tumbled to the floor, she leaned back on her arms and drew her legs up further. "You're gonna kill me."

Since her actions said one thing and her words another, I decided to trust her actions. I slammed roughly into her, biting back a groan to answer her. "No, baby. I'm just giving you…fuck…what I owe you."

I wasn't sure if we were making love of fucking – maybe it was somewhere in between – but it was fucking amazing to let go and feel nothing but Bella. I could feel her nearing her second orgasm, and I pulled her up so she was flush against my chest. Her arms circled my torso and she tilted her face up. I didn't lean down to kiss her. Instead I kept my gaze locked with hers as we tumbled over the edge more or less together. Noisily.

My mind went completely blank for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was even breathing. Then slowly, everything came back. The feel of Bella pressed against me. The smell of Bella. The sound of Bella still panting. The taste of Bella on my tongue from our kisses. The sight of Bella as I opened my eyes and found myself staring into her shiny, dark hair. A world full of Bella.

"Holy fuck," she breathed. Her face was buried in the crook of my neck, and I could feel her breath coming in puffs against my skin. "Consider me convinced. Damn, soldier. If I'd known what you were really packing, I'd gone for round two immediately last week."

I burst out laughing. Best executed mission ever. Bella laughed, too, and I was pretty sure that life couldn't get anymore perfect. At least until the office door swung open. I turned around just to see a flash.

"Paparazziiiiiii!" James sung as there was another flash.

I was torn between wanting to go get the baseball bat and kill him – twice – and wanting to shield Bella from the nutcase with the camera.

"Get the fuck out!" I yelled.

The moron giggled. "I'm going, I'm going. I forgot my phone down here, and I heard weird noises, so I had to investigate. Now that I have proof, I hereby declare the investigation complete. Carry on with the baby making!"

"I know a place where we can bury his body," Bella muttered into my shoulder.

"You're on," I replied. "After your next orgasm."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Thanks for reading. We hope you enjoyed it. :)


	16. Pink Elephants on Parade

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** We cannot thank sherryola and nowforruin enough for all of their hard work on this story. They keep us from going off the deep end and make our words pretty.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

**Pink Elephants on Parade**

**Bella**

I rolled off of Edward, falling back onto the bed. I was blissed out, boneless, and…

Completely. Fucking. Dead.

Rusty hadn't been kidding when he had said the epic fail, known as our first time, had been a fluke. Ever since he'd fucked me on the desk in the bar office, it had been like we couldn't get enough of each other. He'd made up for having to finish me off in the shower in spades.

The past two days had been a virtual non-stop fuck fest. When we hadn't been at work, we'd been in the bed, up against the wall, in the shower, or on the kitchen counter. We had also christened the Volvo.

_Now I remember why I didn't want to have sex in a car when I was in high school. Can we say uncomfortable?_

Needless to say, Edward had proven his sexual prowess over and over again. Which, in turn, meant I had freaked out over nothing.

_Nothing new here. I _am_ the Queen of Overreacting_.

"Give me fifteen minutes, and we can go again," Edward panted, staring up at the ceiling. I heard the wet thud of the condom hitting the trash can, and then he leaned down to grab something to clean up with.

_Uh, gross_.

I snorted and rubbed my hand over my face. "Baby, you're a sex god. I'm sorry I doubted your manliness and your cock. You're going to kill me…and my vagina. Can't we just…I don't know. Cuddle or something?"

"Damn straight," Edward mumbled, nodding his head. "Fine, I'll bend you over the kitchen table later."

He rolled over, lying halfway on top of me. His head was resting on my left breast, and his hand was tracing lazy patterns over my stomach. He nuzzled my nipple.

The man was going to murder me with his dick. It was almost like he was trying to soothe his manly pride by fucking me on every surface available. I wasn't complaining…much. It'd been a long time since I'd had that much sex, but a girl could only take so much. However, dying by orgasm _was_ an ideal way to go.

I wrapped my arm around his back and leaned my head on his shoulder. Noticing black marks on his back, I raised up a bit. _Huh. Sgt. Cullen has a tattoo on his back. Interesting_.

"Let me see your back for a second." I nudged his shoulder.

Edward raised up a bit, letting me scoot out from under him. He lay down on his stomach and interlaced his fingers, resting his chin on them. I sat up to get a closer look.

The entire piece was done in black ink and spanned across his back, from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. A man on a horse holding a lance covered his right blade, and a dragon getting skewered rested almost on the other. It was very detailed, with a town and a staircase in the background. I ran my fingers over it reverently, knowing that it had to have a special meaning for it to adorn Edward's back. He wasn't the type to get a tattoo just for the sake of getting inked.

"I'm such a horrible girlfriend. Until this moment, I had no idea you had a tattoo. I think it's sexy," I mused softly.

He turned his head toward me, grinning. "Well, I don't make it a habit of taking off my shirt, especially when the diva's running his crazy ass around."

I laughed and kissed him on his nose. "Um, yeah. He'd be taking pictures of that, too."

He was still smiling at me, and it was starting to give me a complex.

"What's the cheesy grin for, soldier boy?" I wrinkled by brow in confusion, wondering why he kept looking at me.

"You call yourself my _girlfriend,_" he admitted.

_Motherfuck. Where is a hole when you need one? _

I had officially committed a big relationship no-no. I'd assumed being in a role that I hadn't been asked to fill. While I'd wondered for the past week what we were to each other, in that moment, I hadn't waited for him to confirm it. Never mind that it had slipped out unintentionally. The fact was…I'd fucked up. Big time.

"Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume—" I started to say.

His lips cut me off, effectively stopping my words. Edward kissed me deeply and pushed me back onto the mattress. Climbing on top of me, I felt myself melt into him, giving into my lust and widening my legs to accommodate him.

He broke the kiss, staring down at me. "I love that you think of yourself as my girlfriend. I already consider you as such, and _I'm sorry_ for assuming. I should have asked you, but I've been too wrapped up just being with you. Forgive me?"

"Aw." I patted his cheek in teasing. "You're using your pretty words so you can get laid…again."

"Is it working?" He brought his face close to mine as he asked.

"Possibly," I admitted with a sly grin. "Tell me about this tattoo on your back, and I might let you do kinky things to me."

Edward groaned, burying his face into my neck and thrusting his hips slightly. "I got it after I finished basic. Jake went with me. We were both supposed to get St. George tattoos, but he chickened out last minute. He screamed like a girl when he saw the needle."

I chuckled, picturing my brother wimping out at the last moment. "Who knew big, bad Jake could be taken down by a needle?"

"Yeah, I know," Edward said, lifting his head and staring into my eyes. "Anyway, I got it to symbolize my service in the Army and for protection."

"Protection?" I asked.

"St. George is the patron saint of soldiers," he explained in a serious tone. "I figured it couldn't hurt to have someone watching out for my ass."

"Oh," I stated dumbly.

"And he's also the patron saint against herpes and syphilis. Doesn't hurt to be protected from diseased whores, as well."

I smacked his shoulder. "Bastard."

I tried to wiggle out from under him, but he held on tight.

"Aw, did I make the pretty firecracker mad?" he asked, laughing.

"Yes, fuck off," I bit back playfully.

"Let me make it up to you," he whispered, biting my ear.

I moaned, unable to resist his sexy soldier voodoo. "You don't play fair…ah, fuck!"

He spent the rest of the morning showing me just how sorry he was.

~.~.~.~

I felt like my crotch should have been packed in ice as I hobbled back to the bar. Another busy Friday night had me cursing that last session we'd had in bed. Edward had fucked me stupid, to the tune of another two orgasms, before we'd parted ways. Needing to rest before my shift after our morning romp, I'd decided to call my mom.

She had been planning our annual venison feast. Every year, when the men folk had brought back a kill, Mom and I had been in charge of cooking the animal. It hadn't been one of my favorite things to do, but when the meat had been consumed, and it always become obvious dealing with blood and gore had been a small price to pay.

It had been one of Jake's favorite parts of fall, eating all of the ways the deer could have been cooked. He, Dad, and Emmett had been the ones who went out hunting, and it had been well known that Jake had a hard time keeping quiet. There'd been a few times they'd come back from a particularly long hunt with Dad stating that Jake had been banned from the festivities. It had seemed the longer they had been out there in the cold, wet rain due to Jake's big mouth had impacted whether or not he actually had gotten to eat the kill.

That year was going to be bittersweet. I'd known Edward and my father had gotten a deer their first time out, so subsequent visits hadn't been necessary. However, Jake's presence was going to be missed. Especially his whining if he'd scared off the deer one too many times.

"Someone's been rode hard and put away wet," James said in my ear.

I jerked back, seeing the diva standing next to me.

"I think it's time to start taking prenatal vitamins," he continued. "It's a good idea to get as many nutrients into your system for when Baby Cullen attaches to your uterus."

"Christ, James!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "My uterus is none of your business."

"At least tell me you're lying down afterwards for the recommended thirty minutes with a pillow under your hips!' James demanded with his hands on his hips.

"Oh. My. God," I said, annunciating each word. "I am not trying to get pregnant. Go away."

I shoved his arm and started to walk away.

"Hey, Edward," he called out, skipping over to my boyfriend—_God, I will never get tired of saying or thinking that_—with a stack of papers clutched in his hand he'd pulled out from under the bar. Edward's head jerked up, staring at James curiously. The rush had died, and we were just standing around, doing nothing. I walked over to see what the idiot was going to do next.

"I have some things for you, too," James said, handing him the papers. Edward took them with a skeptical look on his face and began thumbing through them. His face turned crimson as he looked at the contents, and he started folding them frantically.

"Are you insane?" Edward asked, flustered by James' forwardness. "Why are you giving me this?"

"Well, honey bunny, those are pre-approved sexual positions. Your little swimmers will have maximum potential to find the golden egg inside our Indian princess if you use them, and only them. Gravity is your best friend, but missionary is boring. I've researched all positions that will help encourage conception, and I think you'll like doggy-style the best. You seem to be a man that likes to take his lover from behind," James rattled off with enthusiasm.

Edward rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"The only other option is for me to coach you through the process. Now, I'm willing to play referee during your sexcapades. We just need to sit down and work out a schedule for when you two can have sex. You're gorgeous, butter balls, but I have a life, too," James offered with a wink.

"The day I agree to let you watch me have sex is the day I announce to the world I'm really a vampire. You have two seconds to get out of my sight before I find a gun and shoot you." Edward crumpled up the paper in a ball and threw it at James, bouncing off his forehead and onto the floor.

~.~.~.~

I had begun to fear for Edward's sanity. James had taken things to a new level when he'd suggested coaching us during sex. A day away from all of the stress and craziness had seemed to be a good idea.

I woke up early, after sleeping alone—much to my annoyance. Making my way down the stairs toward the diner, I saw my parents sitting in a booth, eating breakfast. I walked over to them, sliding into the seat next to Mom.

"Hey," I said. "I have a favor to ask both of you."

"What's up, Bella?" Dad asked, setting his fork down on his plate.

"Um, I was thinking about taking Edward over to the reservation today, and I was wondering if I could talk you guys into switching shifts with Edward and me. We'll work the rest of the morning and afternoon, and you two can tend the bar tonight. Pretty please, with sugar on top?" I asked while batting my eyelashes.

I chewed on my nail as I looked at my parents. I was anxious to know what their answer would be.

"Oh, that sounds fun, Charlie. I haven't worked in the bar in ages," Mom said in an enthusiastic tone, turning toward Dad.

"Uh, I don't know," Dad replied, fidgeting with his mustache. "Saturday nights are kind of busy."

Mom scoffed and rolled her eyes at Dad. "If I remember correctly, I used to run circles around you when I worked down there. You're just afraid I'll end up killing that slut Renee."

"Well, uh, yeah. That, too." Dad's words came out in a strange squeaking sound.

"We're trading, Charlie. And that is that." Mom slammed her hand down on the table.

She got up and walked back to the kitchen, leaving Dad sitting there with his mouth open.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Are you trying to cause me problems?"

"No, Dad," I said, trying to salvage the situation. "I'm just trying to save my boyfriend from being convicted of murder. He's about ready to snap with all of James' baby talk. We haven't even been together a month, you know."

"Since Edward's the only man I can picture as a son-in-law, I'll do it. However, if your mom kills Renee, you're helping me hide the body." He pointed at me with a glare.

I saluted him as he exited the booth.

Convincing Edward had taken a little more finesse. When I'd arrived, a sleepy Rusty had answered the door in his boxers. I'd had to keep my hands clutched behind my back so I wouldn't jump him. At first, when I had explained the plan, Edward had seemed reluctant. He had argued that he only knew how to cook Italian food. However, once I had clarified that it would be a James free day and night, he had gotten dressed faster than I'd ever seen before.

Working in the diner with Edward hadn't been too bad. He had ended up burning a few things, but it hadn't been a big deal. Things had gone downhill after Leah had arrived, though. Since I'd taken the front, Leah was the only one he could count on for cooking advice. _So not a good thing_.

I turned after taking an order to see black smoke coming from the opening to the kitchen in the main dining room. I raced to the back, hoping that the two hadn't succeeded in burning the place down. Because, if they had, I was going to have to make a run for it. Mom did not play when it came to her kitchen.

"What the hell?" I yelled, opening the back door.

"It's her fault," Edward said quickly, pointing to Leah.

"Narc," Leah murmured, sending Edward a glare.

I spun around, facing Edward. "Explain."

"You see, um…she said the food would cook faster if we turned the heat up," Edward explained rapidly.

"Okay, get out of here, Edward," I said, shaking my head in defeat. "You can work up front. It's really easy, and if you have any questions, come find me."

"But I don't know how to take orders," he whined and stomped his foot.

I handed him the pad of tickets I had in my apron pocket. "Everything we serve is listed on these. Just mark off what they order. See? It's a piece of cake. Now, shoo."

He walked out of the kitchen into the main dining room.

I walked over to the grill, turned the temperature down, and began scraping the blackened char covering it.

"You know, I always thought that Mom was just giving you a hard time for no reason. Now, I'm convinced it's justified. No wonder she rides your ass constantly." I raised my eyebrow in challenge as I admitted it.

Leah huffed and went back to work.

The rest of the morning and afternoon had gone much smoother. Leah had been a much better cook when she had someone to supervise her. Instead of trying to find shortcuts, she stuck to how Mom had taught her to cook.

"So, how are things with Jasper?" I asked, plating some food.

"Oh, it's great. I never thought I'd find someone interesting, but then Jasper strolls into town. I think I'm in love, Bella." Leah sighed, wiping the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand.

I rolled my eyes.

"Not all of us can snag a sexy military man," Leah countered with an eye roll of her own.

"Leah, I'm not saying—" I started to say.

"P.I.'s are hot, too, you know," she interrupted and crossed her arms.

"It's just…he was such a crappy friend to Edward. I worry about you and want to make sure he's treating you right," I said, hoping she'd understand my side of things.

"When have you ever known me to be a doormat, chica? Besides, he is a good guy. He told me about his relationship with that bitch. I understand why he acted the way he did. She had him all twisted up in the head, Bella." Leah gave me a look that pleaded for me to let it go.

"Still doesn't excuse his abandonment of Edward," I muttered, flipping a hamburger patty.

"No, it doesn't. I'm not trying to make excuses for him. I just want you to take into consideration that not everything is cut and dry when it comes to Jasper," she pointed out.

I hated to admit it, but she was right. Since he'd come to Forks, I hadn't had the desire to get to know him. He'd hurt Edward, and it had been enough for me to put him on my shit list. If Edward had been willing to forgive him, though, what right did I have to hold a grudge? He had been a stranger to me and had become friends with Emmett, someone who had been like a brother to me.

My bias didn't seem right, so I decided to get to know Jasper better. I owed it to Edward, at the very least.

"You're right," I admitted with a sigh. "I haven't been fair to Jasper. However, he fucks up once, and he's dog food."

Leah chuckled, pulling me into a hug. "Thanks, Bella. He really isn't that big of an asshole."

~.~.~.~

I pulled up in front of a small, ramshackle house nestled inside the tiny reservation of La Push. The siding was painted red and the trim was white. I had many fond memories of the house, from the first time I had skinned my knee to learning about my heritage. It was one of my favorite places in the world.

Edward exited the passenger's side the same time I left the vehicle. A tall, older man stood on the porch with his arms crossed, and a smile on his face. It had been too long since I'd visited. I ran up the steps and hugged him.

"It's nice to see you, Bella. Been a long time since you've come to see me," he said, pulling back to look at me.

"I know. I promise to be better about it, Grandpa Billy." I smiled up at him.

I left my grandfather's embrace and saw Edward standing off to the side awkwardly.

"Granddad, this is Edward," I said, motioning to him.

Grandpa Billy looked at him, sizing him up. He must have seen something he liked in Edward, because he offered his hand. Edward took it to shake.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Black," Edward stated politely.

"Now, none of this 'Mr. Black' nonsense. My daughter told me you were Jake's best friend in the Army, and you're also dating Bella. You're practically family already. Call me Billy, Granddad, or Grandpa Billy. Your choice." Granddad chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

"Thanks, uh, Billy," Edward stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Now, you and your beau get in the house. I want to meet the guy everyone has been talking about," Grandpa Billy said, ushering us in.

Walking into Granddad's home was like walking into tranquility itself. The scent of sandalwood, tobacco, and spice lingered in the air. The slightly worn furniture gave the room a comfortable feel. It was the one place I always felt completely at peace.

Edward and I sat down on the couch with our thighs touching, while Grandpa Billy took an armchair next to us. We sat back at the same time, intertwining our fingers and laying them on Edward's lap.

"Tell me about yourself, Edward." Granddad settled into his chair and trained his gaze directly at Edward.

"Well, sir…I mean, um, Billy. I was in the Army for seven years before we were ambushed. We were hit with sniper fire, and the Jeep we were riding in was obliterated by a roadside bomb. It messed up my knee bad enough that I almost lost my leg, not to mention, it put me in a coma from a head injury," Edward explained.

I closed my eyes, leaning my head on Edward's shoulder. Hearing him talk about his last day in Afghanistan didn't get any better over time. Not only was it the day I had lost my brother, but he had almost died, too. I couldn't imagine a life without him after I'd let down my walls and gotten to know him. The world would be a very dreary place if Edward Cullen wasn't in it.

My mind drifted to darker things, and I started to wonder what would have happened if Edward had come home like Jake had. Would his family and friends have honored him the way we had Jake? Would his parents and sister have cried when the preacher committed his body to the ground? Would they have stood by his…and waited for him to be at peace?

The answers, I realized, were all no.

No one in his life had ever acted like they gave a damn about Edward, from what I had learned. They hadn't seen the loving, kind, and caring person sitting next to me. Instead, what they had seen was a disappointment. It sickened and saddened me to know that my family, friends, myself, and maybe Jasper, were the only people who cared about him at all.

I shivered, trying to pull my mind away from my thoughts. Edward must have sensed where I had gone, because he reached around and pulled me tight against him. I loved that man, and I vowed to tell him soon.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Grandpa Billy apologized, looking down.

"Along with myself, eight others were injured. Four, including Jake, perished that day. However, we all knew the risks we were taking," Edward admitted, bowing his head.

"Still, what happened to you is not trivial. The spirits blessed you and allowed you to return home." He nodded, convinced of his observation.

"I'm grateful…more than you'll ever know. But…when people like Jake die, it's hard to come to the terms that a man like me lived," Edward argued, shifting uncomfortably next to me.

"Nonsense." Granddad waved his hand and shook his head. "Jake could always see a person for who they are, and if he was friends with you, then you are a great man. Bella, well, she has her own way of weeding out men who have no character. Since you're together, that says something."

Grandpa Billy leaned back in his chair, looking right at Edward. The man had said his piece, and Edward didn't argue. I was sure Edward had a hard time coming up with a retort. Then again, many had tried and failed to make the old man budge when he'd made a decision about someone. Grandpa Billy was more stubborn than all of the Swans and Blacks put together. Edward would not win.

"Now, let's leave all of this sad talk behind us. Tell me about your family," Granddad insisted.

"That, I'm afraid, is another sad story. They didn't support my decision to enter the military, and we're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment." Edward looked down as he explained.

"Their loss then. I have it on good authority from Sue that you've fit in quite well with the Swan clan. I'm beginning to see why." Grandpa Billy smiled at me.

"Um, yeah. Mom would probably chase after Edward if he tried to leave. Dad most likely would, too. Some days, I think they like him more than me," I admitted with a snort.

"He is better behaved than you, so I can understand," Billy joked with a twinkle in his eye.

Edward laughed.

"Oh, hush." I smacked Edward's arm as I scolded my grandfather.

The sounds of banging interrupted our chat. Grandpa Billy was the first to get up and look out the window. Whatever was out there irritated him, because he stomped towards the door seconds after he'd peered out.

"Sometimes, I wonder if that boy was really switched at birth," he mused, walking out the door.

Edward gave me a questioning look, but I pulled him up as I stood. Granddad's words could only mean one thing.

Uncle Harry was causing a scene…again.

Once Edward and I reached the porch, we were met with a sight no human on earth should be exposed to…

Uncle Harry sprawled out on a blanket.

Butt ass naked.

"Whoa!" Edward yelled, spinning around. I turned my own back and was shocked.

"What in the ever loving hell are you doing, Harry?" Grandpa Billy's voice called out.

"I'm waiting for it to rain. The water feels nice on my skin when the raindrops hit it. I also thought I could collect some rainwater in the process," I heard Harry call out.

"Put your clothes on. Can't you see I have company? Besides, how am I going to explain this to my neighbors?" Granddad questioned his son.

When I turned back around, Harry was wearing pants. _Thank fucking God_. I also noticed there were five or six pans lined along the blanket. Harry hadn't been lying—he really was going to collect water.

"Why are you here?" Granddad continued, looking frustrated. "You have your own house. Be indecent over there."

"Your land is warmer," Harry argued, waving to Granddad's property line. "The trees block the wind here. In my yard, I can feel the cold."

"Go home, Harry," Billy said in a flat tone.

"I will, but when I get sick, you'll be sad," Harry warned, throwing his hand up in the air.

He picked up the rest of his clothes, the blanket, and the pots. Harry walked down the street shirtless. I wondered for the umpteenth time how we were related.

"This is just more proof that your Grandma was lying when I asked her if Harry ever licked the lead paint on his crib. It's the only way I can explain his behavior now. That boy is going to drive me into an early grave, and then the tribe will be in trouble," Billy said, shaking his head.

Edward and I tried hard to hold in our laughs, following behind Grandpa Billy.

The rest of the time we spent at my grandfather's house had been nice. None of the heavier topics had been broached. Instead, he had told us stories about the tribe and some of our legends. Edward had raised an eyebrow at me a couple of times in disbelief. I had to laugh, because I had been sure he thought I had been joking before. I hadn't…our ancestors had to have been on something to come up with most of them.

By the time we were ready to leave, the sky had started to turn dark. Grandpa Billy had made me promise to come back sometime soon and bring Edward. I had agreed and had been happy that he'd taken to Edward so quickly. We had left with hugs, making our way to my car.

"So, it wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked, teasing.

"No, not at all. I really like your grandfather," Edward said with a smile.

He turned to get into the passenger side but stopped. Something had caught his eye, causing him to leave the car with the door open. Curious as to what he had seen, I followed him.

A few moments later, we were standing in front of Grandpa Billy's rusted out old Ford. The symbolism wasn't lost on me. Nor had it been on Edward.

"I was beginning to think this thing didn't exist." Edward murmured, running his hand lightly over the hood with extra care.

"Yeah, it's such a shame. There was a time when it was cherry red, but over the years, the rain rusted it out. You wouldn't know it to look at it, but it runs great. Jake kept up on the maintenance for the engine until he left for the Army. He had said he was going to work on the exterior for Granddad when he returned home, but…" I said, letting the sentence hang in the air.

"Such a shame." Edward shook his head.

"Well, the bright side is that you've finally met your namesake. Let me properly introduce you. Edward, this is Fanny. Fanny…Edward."

Edward grabbed his stomach and laughed loudly. "Fanny? Who names a truck Fanny?"

"My grandfather." I playfully glared. "I'll have you know that Fanny is a very respectable name, according to Grandpa Billy."

"I'll bet," Edward continued to chuckle. "Don't worry, old girl, I'll find you a better name."

We stood in front of the truck for a few more minutes and then went back to the car. Our hands were clasped together, swinging between us. We talked about non-consequential things on the way. A group of three had gathered around the car, though, and made me stop.

"Bella, what—" Edward started to say, stopping when he realized what I'd seen.

"I thought we'd never see you in these parts again," Quil said, walking closer toward us. The other two, who I recognized as Sam and—_fuck_—Embry followed behind him. I gripped Edward's waist tight, burying my head into his chest. I knew things were about to get ugly, and I needed to be as close to him as possible.

"Well, there you are, whore," I heard Embry's voice say. "I was wondering when you were going to stop hiding. If you get over here, right now, I won't hurt your _friend_."

"Bella isn't going anywhere," Edward said, pushing me behind him. "In fact, if you don't leave right this moment, every last one of you will be sorry you didn't while you had the chance."

I heard Sam scoff. "What are you going to do, pale face? There are three of us and one of you. The odds are in our favor."

"Stay right here," Edward whispered into my hair. He let go of me and pushed me behind him. I stood shaking as Edward took two steps toward them.

"I'm only going to say this once. This is the last time any of you talk to Bella that way. She is not your property, _Embry_," he sneered, emphasizing my ex's name. "Nor is she any concern of yours."

He looked pointedly to Quil and Sam.

"Aw, fuck this noise," Embry said, balling up his fists. "White boy's about to get his ass kicked."

Embry lunged for Edward, but missed when Edward side stepped him. He fell to the ground, landing on his elbows. Quil came at Edward next and took a swing. Edward caught it, and twisted Quil's arm behind his back. Sam turned and walked away when he saw that Edward wasn't someone to be fucked with.

Edward pushed Quil away, making him fall on his ass. I screamed when Embry took advantage of Edward. He had been distracted by watching for Quil to stand back up. Embry had gotten up and pushed Edward to the ground, jumping on top of him and throwing punches.

Determined that Embry was not going to win, I ignored Edward's plea and jogged over to where the two were. A hand grabbing my wrist stopped me. I turned and saw holding me.

Something inside of me woke up, and I decided that I wasn't going to be the victim anymore. I twisted against his thumb and up over his arm, breaking his hold on me. He reached for me again, and I brought my knee up, hitting him in the groin.

"You stupid bitch," Quil sneered as he slumped over.

I stomped on the top of his foot, while trying to put as much space between us as possible. When he went to reach for me a third time, I elbowed him in the nose. Blood gushed from the spot, making him scream.

He stormed toward me. I ran, trying to see if I could find anything to use. A thick branch caught my eye, and I picked it up. The moment Quil came into sight, I swung, making contact with his shoulder. He roared and came at me again. I hit him with it one last time in the head, and a sickening thud resonated through the night, causing him to fall.

I pushed his shoulder with my foot, and when he didn't move, I knew I had successfully knocked him out. Dropping the piece of wood, I ran back to where Edward and Embry were. _If anyone can hear me up there, please let Edward be safe_, I thought.

Edward and Embry had switched positions when I reached them. It was Edward who was on top of Embry, hitting Embry in the face. Edward was talking, but I couldn't hear him. I walked closer to the pair, and I could make out the words.

"—think its okay to hit women? Bella wants nothing to do with you, and you're going to respect that. If I ever see you even look at her again, I'll kill you. Stay away from her—she is mine!" he snarled in Embry's ear.

Edward landed one last punch at Embry's face, knocking him unconscious. He stood up, looking down at my ex-boyfriend in disgust. Breathing heavily, Edward looked around, surveying the scene. I stayed where I was, still in shock, when his eyes found mine.

The moment he noticed I was standing there, he walked quickly toward me. His hands reached up, cupping my face. Edward pressed his forehead to mine.

"Baby, please talk to me. I'm so sorry I scared you, but I had to do it. They were going to hurt you and me, and I had to protect us," he begged as he pressed his face close to mine.

"I'm okay, Edward," I said, finding my voice.

He closed his eyes tightly. "I don't know what I would have done if he'd have gotten his hands on you. I promised I'd kick his ass before he'd ever get a chance to touch you, love. I meant it. I will kill him the next time he comes after you."

On some level, I knew his words, as well as his rage, should have frightened me. I couldn't find one part of myself that felt fear towards Edward, though. He had kept me from the one thing I'd been afraid of, and I knew that he'd never hurt _me_. He was my protector and lover all rolled into one. He was my safe harbor and home.

"I know. I just hope it never comes to that. I don't know what I'd do without you," I admitted, looking up at him.

"Same here, love. Me neither," he said.

He pulled me into a tight embrace, murmuring words of love in my ear. I melted into him and took his comfort.

"Did you see where that other punk went?" he asked as he looked behind me.

"Who? Sam, the tall one?" I questioned with a confused expression.

"No, the other one. I saw that Sam guy take off." Edward swiveled his head, looking around.

I took a deep breath. I knew that he was not going to like what I had to say, but I wasn't going to lie to him. We'd worked too hard and had come too far to shatter what we'd built with falsehoods.

"He, uh, he came after me," I whispered, hoping he wasn't going get too upset.

Edward growled and pulled me closer. "Are you okay?"

"I did what you taught me and kicked his ass," I stated proudly, moving away from him slightly.

He smiled that crooked grin that made me want to worship his cock. "I'm so glad I thought to teach you."

Edward began looking over me, checking for injuries. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but I thought better of it. I knew that he needed to do it, so he could ease his own mind.

"You seemed to be all right," he murmured as he caressed my wrist. "If that bastard would have left a mark on you, though, he'd be a dead man right now."

The look in his eye told me that he was serious. I knew it would probably be a good idea if we didn't visit La Push anytime in the near future, otherwise Edward would end up in jail. I let him drive when we reached the car, because I was still too shaken up to do it myself.

~.~.~.~

We had planned on stopping by the bar after we'd gotten back from La Push. Edward had wanted to see my mom in action, but I hadn't been sure if it was still a good idea. The both of us had been through a pretty terrifying ordeal, and I for one, had just wanted to go back to Edward's apartment and snuggle.

Edward, however, had other ideas. He had been convinced that we should go ahead with it, because he hadn't wanted Embry's bullshit to ruin our night. I had reluctantly agreed, and we had entered Downstairs through the customer entrance.

The place was in full swing when we arrived. Mom, Dad, and James were serving the thirsty masses with precision. It had been a long time since I'd seen Mom in action, but she was still the best bartender in Forks. I noticed Renee had been seated on the far side of the counter…at James' end.

Edward slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me with him toward my parents and James. We stood back for a few moments, watching them work. My dad was the first to notice us.

"What the fuck happened to you, Edward!" Dad yelled, slamming the bottle in his hand on the counter.

He rushed out from behind the bar, stopping right in front of Edward. Charlie's brow was furrowed in confusion. His outburst caught the attention of the rest of the crowd, and Mom gasped when she looked at us.

"Oh, are you okay?" my mother asked in shock.

She walked over to Edward, as well, looking him over.

"I'm fine," Edward promised, grabbing my mother's hands.

"But…you have some cuts on your face. What the hell?" she questioned she continued to check him over with her eyes.

Edward walked over to a stool, sitting down and pulling me onto his lap. He nuzzled his face in my hair, probably getting blood in it. I didn't give a damn at that moment, though. He was my fucking hero, and he could cover me in as much gore and blood as he wanted.

"Oh, Baby Cakes, tell me who did this to you!" James demanded with a hand on his hip. "I need names so I know whose face to rip off for mangling yours."

"Uh, thanks, James," Edward said with a grimace. "It's not necessary for you to get all hyper, though. I took care of the situation."

"What's your middle name?" Mom asked as she raised her brow.

"Why?" Edward questioned.

"Just tell me," Mom said in a no nonsense tone.

"Anthony," Edward said with embarrassment.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" Mom hollered and threw up her hands. "What in the hell do you think you are doing putting yourself in a dangerous situation? You could have been hurt badly. My heart can't take another one of my boys getting seriously hurt."

I heard Edward take in a shaky breath when Mom called him _one of her boys_. Knowing his background with his own parents, I was aware those words had affected him greatly. I squeezed his neck, trying to convey that I was happy my mother had accepted him as one of her own.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Edward replied, bowing his head in shame.

"Now, there will be no more of this 'ma'am' business. As far as I'm concerned, you're mine. So, if it doesn't bother you, I'd like for you to call me Mom from now on," Mom demanded in a no nonsense tone.

"Okay…Mom," Edward said with a grin.

"What happened though?" Dad asked, pulling Mom into his side. "I thought you two were going down to the reservation. I assumed you went and saw Grandpa Billy."

"We did," I answered.

"Embry and his fucktards showed up when we were leaving," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Fucking bastard." Charlie narrowed his eyes.

"He thought that he was going to take Bella with him. I showed him with my fists that it wasn't going to happen," Edward added, wrapping his arms around me tighter.

"Well, thank God you were there," Mom said in relief.

"Can we please kill him now?" James asked, interrupting us.

I rolled my eyes. "Stay out of it, James"

"One of his other friends pulled a pussy move and grabbed Bella when I was occupied with beating the shit out of that worthless fuck, but she held her own," Edward proudly admitted.

"Is that true?" Charlie looked at me skeptically.

"Edward taught me self defense. I kicked Quil's ass," I said with a nod.

Charlie looked from me to Edward in shock. Edward nodded slowly toward him, letting him know it was true.

"Well, I'll be damned. Good job, kid," Dad said, patting me on the shoulder.

"I'd love to stay and chat," I said, standing from Edward's lap. "But I need to get my man upstairs so I can clean him up. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

My parents hugged us both, making us promise to call them if we needed anything. We agreed. James smiled at us and let Edward know that he was sexier than the Terminator because "Arnold looks like a juiced up freak."

I made Edward go into his apartment while I gathered some clothes and other essentials from my own. Once I had everything, I went over to his and helped him get cleaned up in his bathroom. It began with me cleaning his face with a wash cloth, but we ended up in the shower together. We washed each other slowly and gently, needing the intimacy. When we were finished, I dressed the wounds on his face.

The moment we climbed into the bed and settled in, our bodies gravitated toward each other. I wrapped myself around him, soaking up the warmth and love only he could provide. As I drifted to sleep in Edward's arms, I knew that I had found the one person I could spend the rest of my life with. I was finally home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Who else is ready to torch Embry's house? We have the gas and the Diva's got the matches.


	17. Tattooed Love Goddess

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.  
><strong><br>A/N: **Thank you for all the alerts and reviews - you guys are amazing! Also thank you and big smooches to nowforruin and sherriola for their amazing help.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17 – Tattooed Love Goddess<strong>

**EPOV**

_The feeling of a gun in my hand again was almost orgasmic. Maybe I had been an arms dealer or a collector in a previous life – or an assassin. I liked the assassin theory. I looked back up from the gun in my hand to James, who was flattened against the wall across from me. I took another step toward him, loving how his eyes widened. The gun was pointed at him, and he whimpered pathetically as he begged for his life, promising never to bother me again with baby talk, stupid name-calling, and his Tom Cruise crap. _

_It didn't matter, though. The flaming diva was going to get a bullet between his eyes, and when he was gone, my sanity would be safe forever. _

"_Please don't. Please, please, please, please don't shoot me!" he begged. "I'm too pretty to die!" _

_I laughed manically, scaring myself a little. Then I raised my hand slightly and took aim. In my mind, James turned into a giant target. The sweat was trickling down his neck, and his eyes flickered wildly, looking for a way to escape. _

"_Die, sucker," I said, pulling the trigger. _

"_Noooooooooo!" he screamed as the bullet tore into him. _

_Even as he slid down the wall, into a puddle of his own, pink blood full of sequins, he was still screaming – only he started sounding more and more like Bella. _

_Shit! Shit! Shit! What had I done?_

_Bella!_

I sat up with a gasp. It was dark around me, and my heart was pounding in my chest. The sound of Bella's scream was still ringing in my ears. _No, wait_. It wasn't an echo of my dream – she was, in fact, screaming.

With one hand I reached out for her, and with the other I flicked on the light. She was thrashing around, and the scream turned into sobs before I could do anything. Were you supposed to wake people who had a nightmare? I was pretty sure I had heard that you shouldn't, but I couldn't just listen to her scream and sob without doing anything. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight, not knowing what else I could do for her. I didn't want to scare her.

"Ssshh. It's okay, baby. You're safe," I mumbled into her hair. I hoped fucktard Embry hadn't invaded her dreams. If he had, I wasn't above killing the son of a bitch.

Like me, Bella woke up with a gasp. She struggled against my hold for a second, but just as I was about to loosen my arms around her to give her some space, she buried her face in the crook of my neck and cried.

"It was just a dream, love," I whispered. Pretty firecracker tears were not something I liked.

After a few minutes, her tears stilled. She pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Sorry," she rasped, pushing her hair out of her face. "It was just so real."

It was weird that we had been having nightmares at the same time, but I pushed my own to the back of my mind and focused on Bella.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She hesitated a little. "I couldn't remember Jake," she admitted softly. "I couldn't remember what his voice sounded like or what his face looked like. I couldn't remember his laugh…it was like he was slipping further and further away from me, and I just couldn't hold onto him. And then he was just completely gone. I _am_ dealing with losing him, but my greatest fear is forgetting him, you know? I couldn't handle that."

"Baby, I know that nightmares have a way of being irrational, but you know that Jake is as unforgettable as they come. You won't ever forget him."

"I know I won't forget _him_, but I have to dig deeper and deeper to remember the sound of his voice or his laugh. I'm so afraid that one day I might not be able to at all," she said, sniffling into my neck. "I'm such a horrible sister!"

"Stop that. You're not the least bit horrible," I argued. "It's natural. I sometimes have a hard time remembering, too. And I was with him last, you know. And forget about remembering what my parents sound like. I mean, I'm sure I'd recognize them right away if I heard them talk, but right this moment, I can't recall the sound of their voices."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. That is so sad."

"I was so mad at my dad when he cancelled Jake's cell phone," she continued after a moment. "I used to call it just to hear his voicemail message. Mom and Dad never did the whole home video thing when Jake and I were growing up. The voicemail recording was the only thing I had with his voice on."

"I can help with that. Whenever you're ready, I have some videos Jake and I made together," I told her. "It's just stupid stuff, but he's there – talking and laughing and being his funny self."

"Really?" she asked eagerly, looking up at me.

I nodded. "I haven't actually watched them since we made them, but we can watch them together. Or with your parents, if you think they would want to."

"I think they would love to see them," she replied. She tightened her arm around my waist. "You are so good for all of us. Not just because you're a link to Jake, but more than anything because you're you."

I leaned down and kissed her. She had it all backwards. She was so good for me that I felt more alive than I had in years – maybe ever. And her whole family had taken me in like they had been waiting their whole lives for me. Esme Cullen hadn't cared when I was in a coma and seriously wounded, but Sue Swan had been worried when I had been in a simple fight. That alone spoke volumes to me. And above it all was Bella – my shining light of everything that was good in the world. Hell, she _was_ my world.

I looked at her face. Right now my world had fallen back asleep. I placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled up the blanket around us so she wouldn't get cold. Sleep didn't find me right away – instead my thoughts drifted to the dream I'd had before waking up. It had been violent in a very absurd way, although I often wanted to shoot the crazy diva in the ass.

"I want to get another tattoo," I said the following morning over breakfast.

We had talked a little about the previous night, but Bella seemed to be okay. I had checked her for injuries in the shower, and the only reason that the asshole who had touched her was still breathing was because I hadn't found any. My face hurt a little, but that was a small price to pay for finally getting to beat the shit out of Embry. Not even when I had been practically face to face with the enemy in Iraq or Afghanistan had I ever wanted to kill another man as badly as the night before. Fighting for my country was one thing – fighting for Bella was another thing entirely.

"Oh yeah?" Bella asked, trying not to smile. "You're not looking badass enough already?"

I chuckled. "I'm not trying to look badass. I _am_ badass."

"Whatever you say, soldier boy," she said with a laugh and stabbed the last sausage with her fork. The sausage I had been eyeing. _Damn. _

"You should get one, too," I suggested, trying to recover from the sausage tragedy. Instead, I snatched the last piece of bacon, grinning in victory when she pouted.

"A tattoo?" she asked, frowning a little and slid her bare foot up my leg under the table as if that would make me surrender the bacon. _Keep dreaming, firecracker._

"I like tattoos," she said thoughtfully. "But I can't really think of anything important or symbolic enough for me to want it on my body forever. I haven't done anything of importance like you and the army, and you'd have to shoot me before I got a rose or a butterfly or whatever prissy crap most girls get."

I laughed. "That's my girl."

"What are you going to get?" she asked.

"A headdress. A big one," I replied. I had first gotten the idea when I was in the hospital, and since then the idea had been floating around in the back of my mind. And now I wanted it.

"A headdress? Are you part Cherokee or what?"

"Funny, Swan. No, it would be for Jake," I replied. "You know – Chief. I don't know. It makes sense in my head, and I'm going to do it as soon as I find a decent artist around here."

She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "That is…possibly the best reason to get a tattoo I've ever heard."

I smiled. She was kind of right. During my time in the Army, Jake had been the only one I had allowed to get even remotely past all the walls I had erected around myself. Losing him and the Army at the same time had been like losing everything. The least I could do was commemorate my best friend like I was commemorating the Army on my back.

"You should go see Marty. He has his own parlor in Port Angeles, and he's done all Rose's tattoos," Bella said, draining her coffee cup.

"Marty? Wait. Rose has a tattoo?"

She smirked. "Yup. Several, in fact. She's just extremely good at hiding them under her grandma clothes."

"Well, damn," I muttered. That woman was just full of surprises.

After breakfast, Bella got me Marty's number, and after a quick phone call, I had an appointment two days later. In those two days, Bella decided that she wanted a tattoo, too. I didn't even bother to hide that I liked that idea. Charlie, however, was not so enthusiastic. At least not until Sue decided that she liked tattoos. I laughed at Charlie just like everyone else, but I knew there was a really big chance that I would become just like him – whipped beyond belief. Strangely, I didn't mind all that much.

"You don't mind me stealing your idea, do you?" Bella asked two days later when we were on our way to Port Angeles. "Apart from coleslaw, I just don't know anything else that is so Jake as a headdress. And I really don't want a coleslaw tattoo. That's more your style."

I grinned. "It is, actually. I should consider that for next time. And no, I don't mind at all." In all honesty, I was thrilled that she wanted the same tattoo that I was planning to get. A smaller one, but the same nonetheless.

Marty turned out to be a really nice guy with more artistic talent in his pinkie than I had in my whole body. He was probably also a mind reader because it didn't take him long to draw a sketch of the exact kind of headdress that I had pictured in my mind.

I wasted no time telling him that it was exactly what I wanted, and since Bella insisted that I went first, I was in the chair in no time. I wanted the tattoo on my upper arm, and as soon as the needle touched my skin, I was transported back to a time where a different Swan had been sitting next to me. Just like Jake had, Bella was biting her nails and asking a million questions. Did it hurt? How long would it be before it healed? Could it be erased if she changed her mind later on? Could someone be allergic to the ink?

Marty was a good sport and helped me answer them, but the longer he worked on me, the more nervous Bella looked. I wouldn't have been surprised if she chickened out like Jake had done.

"Edward, be completely honest. How much does it hurt? Like a migraine? A pinch? Being burned? What?"

I tried not to laugh or roll my eyes. I had answered that particular question at least four times in the last hour. "Like I said, it hurts at first, but then it's just a dull ache. However, if you're not certain, I don't think you should get it done today. We can come back whenever you're completely ready."

She frowned and chewed on her thumb nail. Her gaze was fixated on the needle decorating my arm, and if she hadn't looked absolutely scared out of her mind, it would have been funny. There would definitely be no tattoo for her today.

"Tell you what," Marty said to Bella as he finished up my tattoo. "I'll make a file for you with the sketch, and then you can come back anytime when you feel you're ready. It doesn't wash off in the shower, so you need to be sure that you want it."

"I'm sorry," Bella said on the way home, eyeing my newly tattooed arm. "I'm such a fucking coward. Ugh."

I laughed. "You could always claim just to follow the Swan family tradition. Remember that Jake chickened out, too?"

"Oh yeah," she said softly and smiled. "We're badass, us Swans."

"Extremely," I deadpanned, wincing when she hit my arm just beneath the tattoo. The woman was dangerous.

Later that night, Charlie was brave enough to be happy that Bella hadn't been inked, after all. It probably had something to do with the fact that Sue wasn't there, but the look on Bella's face told me that he should quit while he was ahead. His disapproval might fuel her desire to actually get one eventually.

When Charlie was working, it was more difficult to sneak out back with Bella when things were slow. When we tried – and we did try because keeping our hands off each other was fucking hard – James would always innocently ask Charlie where we were, and then our plans went down the drain. Bella reciprocated by locking James in the bathroom, and it took Charlie almost half an hour to notice that he was gone. It was like being back in Kindergarten.

Charlie's mustache twitched, and then he made me work one end of the bar with him while James and Bella took the other end. Later that night, he went ahead and made me admire him even more when he decided that the bar would be closed the following night. Not because it meant a night off, but because of his reason.

"Sometimes, a man just needs to eat dinner with his family, business be damned," he said and promptly invited James and me to said dinner. Apparently it was time for Sue to create her magic with the deer we had taken down the previous weekend. Or…the deer that _Charlie _had taken down.

Sue and Charlie had invited the newlyweds, too, who had just returned from their honeymoon. Rose spent fifteen minutes thanking me for giving them the trip, and between courses, Bella, Sue, and James fawned all over the pictures Rose showed them.

The dinner solidified Sue's title as the world's best cook in my opinion, and after three courses, I could barely move. I had no idea how Charlie didn't weigh three hundred pounds. When I helped her clean up the kitchen afterward, I told her that it was the best dinner I'd ever had the pleasure of eating. She blushed, and when I tried out the _Mom_ she had insisted that I started using, she gave me a motherly hug. I wasn't sure I'd ever gotten a motherly hug before, but I really liked it.

Bella had talked me into bringing the videos I had mentioned to her. She brought them up hesitantly when we were having coffee.

"Um, I'm sorry if this makes some of you uncomfortable, but Edward has some old videos that he made with Jake," she said, looking around at her friends and family while squeezing my hand tightly. "I was hoping we could watch them together. I mean, if you want."

I was looking at Sue and Charlie while Bella talked to gauge their reaction.

"Please," Sue breathed, her eyes already shining with unshed tears. Charlie just nodded and swallowed hard.

Rose and Emmett were both nodding eagerly, too.

"Can I watch, too, even though I didn't know your Jake?" James asked in a small voice.

"Stop being silly, boy," Sue told him after clearing her throat. "You're family, aren't you?"

When we sat down around the TV, I suddenly had a bad feeling about showing everyone the tapes without having looked at them first myself. I couldn't remember half of what was on them, and, more than once, alcohol had been involved. Had we taped something that wasn't for the virginal eyes of parents?

Bella eagerly popped one of the tapes into the camcorder hooked up to the TV and sat down next to me. A collective gasp rang out in the living room when Jake's face appeared on the screen.

"_Yo, Rusty! Is this thing on or what? Fucking hell, I feel like I need a college degree to operate it. Why couldn't you have gotten one with less buttons?" he asked while zooming in and out and pointing the camera in a million different directions._

A choked laugh escaped Bella, and I tightened my arm around her. The remote control was in front of us on the coffee table, easily accessible for anyone who needed a timeout from the assaulting memories that we were no doubt all victims of. The sound of his voice coupled with the first clear shot of his face had given me the feeling that I was being hit in the gut with a sledge hammer. I remembered the day this had been shot clearly. I had just gotten the camera, and Jake had been dying to try it out. I bit my lip, knowing what came next on the screen.

"_You know what?" Jake asked, zooming in on his own nose. "We should call it Bob." _

"_Bob?" I asked._

"_Yeah. Our new best friend needs a name. We are going to make epic film history, after all," Jake replied with a laugh. _

_I snorted. "Dude, cool it with whatever you've been inhaling." _

"_If I'm gonna inhale anything, it will be my mom's apple pie. I told you that shit is awesome," Jake replied. "Now are you done pussying around? We need to get going so we don't get caught." _

The camera was turned off, and after a few seconds of black screen, the picture returned. This time I was filming, and Jake was flexing his biceps in front of the camera.

"_So, Bob, Rusty, and my handsome self would like to welcome you to a workout on the obstacle course with Drill Sergeant Connors – or as we call him – The Devil. Watch and learn, young grasshoppers," Jake said. _

What followed was probably only funny to me because I knew Connors and could see how spot on Jake's impersonation was. But everyone in the room had their eyes glued to the screen while he goofed around. Next, there were various clips of practical jokes carried out by Jake and myself that had everyone in stitches – especially when they didn't pan out the way we had planned.

The first video ended, and Bella dried her eyes with the back of her hand before getting up to pop in the other one. Rose was dabbing her eyes with a tissue while Emmett was looking at the blank screen with a faraway look in his eyes. Sue and Charlie were having a conversation with their eyes only, but they didn't appear too upset. James was sitting on his hands in a chair, rocking back and forth. His eyes were tightly shut, and so was his mouth. He looked…weird.

"Are you okay, James?" I asked.

"I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I really, really, really shouldn't…" he muttered. Then he blew out a breath. "But I have to! I can't keep it in. He's so damn fine. Gah! Pictures really don't do him justice. Sorry!"

I bit the inside of my cheek to avoid laughing. The girls had fawned all over Jake, so that James did, too, was no surprise.

"Shut your mouth, boy," Charlie said, trying not to laugh.

"Sorry, Papa Swan! You and Mama Swan make beautiful babies," James replied with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Hell yeah," I heard Charlie mutter, and a second later he yelped. I didn't have to turn around to look to know that Sue was the reason. I loved those two.

Bella came back to sit next to me after having switched tapes. I didn't remember what was on the remaining tape – only that whatever was on it was probably from Afghanistan. And just as I'd expected, the first thing I saw was a big cloud of goddamn dust with an armored truck riding through the picture.

"_All right, Bob. Let's go for a little walk. Rusty never lets you out, does he?" Jake's voice rang out. "Colonel Banner said it was okay as long as I didn't film any army secrets. That's a joke. What does he expect? That I'll film how they cook our food and sell the recipes to the enemy so they have a new weapon on their hands? Jeez."_

The little walk consisted of a tour of the camp, complete with introductions of everyone he came across. I swallowed hard when Byrne waved shyly at the camera. Crowley, however, was not so shy. He sauntered up to Jake and smiled the smile he had always claimed got him all the pretty ladies.

"_Swan, Swan, Swan," he said with an exasperated sigh. "Are you overlooking the only attractive thing about this camp on purpose or what?" _

"_Of course not," Jake replied. "I just thought I'd save filming myself for last. Now be a nice city boy and say hello to Bob so I can get on with it."_

"_Who the hell is Bob?" Crowley wanted to know. _

_Jake snorted. "Don't hurt Bob's feelings. He doesn't go around asking who Tyler Crowley is, does he? Now say hello, or I'm gonna go find some less rude people to include in my movie." _

It was almost like being back there with them all, and as much as it hurt to watch, it was also cleansing in a way. I had left a big part of who I was over there in the dust, and it was like I was watching that part on Sue and Charlie's flat screen TV. It was a really surreal feeling.

After Crowley had said his hello and told all the pretty ladies his phone number, Jake ventured on. I watched him sneak up on myself, snatch a canteen from someone outside the picture, and then pour water down my neck. Everyone laughed when my on-screen self jumped up with an embarrassing squeal.

"_Fucking hell, Jake!" I said and shook the water out of my hair. Jake laughed as I peeled off my wet t-shirt and threw it at him. _

Next to me, Bella's fingers dug into my arm, and I realized that she was enjoying the show. And judging on the catcalls coming from James' direction, so was he.

"_Hey, watch out for Bob! He's allergic to water," Jake said, grinning._

"_I think he's also allergic to being stolen by you," I grumbled and picked up my t-shirt from the ground._

Jake just grinned – it had been his natural response to most things. Then he made a very sullen version of myself say hello to Bob and everyone back home.

I didn't remember much of what was happening on the screen, and I had absolutely no idea who I had forced out a smile for and said hello to through the camera. At that point, there had been no one back home I had wanted to say anything to.

The tour of the camp continued until we got to the tent where the mail was handed out. Jake had been one of the most popular guys when it came to mail, so he always went to check if there was anything for him. After getting the mail guy, whose name I couldn't remember, to say hello to Bob, he came back out with a package.

"_I can practically smell the porn," he said, sniffing the package and handing me the camera. "Rusty already knows, but you need to know this, Bob. It's a universal truth – I've got the best sister in the world. Though, if you ever meet her, don't tell her that the porn is for me. She thinks it's for the other guys."_

"_You do know that you're talking to a piece of plastic, right?" I asked, dryly. _

"_Shut up," Jake replied good-naturedly. "Don't insult Bob." _

I watched everyone in the room while Jake made a big show of opening the package on the screen. Bella was giggling through her tears, and everyone else was smiling. I wasn't surprised that no one seemed to be surprised about the porn. Jake had been a lot of things, but he was not very subtle or covert. I looked back at the screen.

_Jake munched on a cookie as he pulled out a letter from the box. "This is the best thing," he grinned, cookie crumbs flying everywhere. He stuck the letter in his pocket. "I'm saving this gem for tonight."_

_A siren rang out, and people immediately started running to wherever they were supposed to be when it sounded. _

"_Cut, Bob! We've got work to do!" Jake said, grinning._

There was complete silence in the room once Jake had disappeared from the screen. Looking around, everyone seemed to be lost in thought or trying to compose themselves. Sue caught my gaze and sent me a wide, teary smile. Next to me, Bella squeezed my hand.

"Thank you," she whispered, burying her face in my arm.

They all thanked me, but I didn't feel like I had anything to do with it. I'd had the videos, but that was it. I didn't even remember why I had bought the video camera back then, because Jake seemed like the only one who had been interested in actually using it. So I couldn't take credit for the videos being in my possession – it was all Jake.

No one had bothered to turn the TV off, and suddenly the screen sprang to life, once again showing Jake.

_"Dude, we're doing this, so just shut up and deal with it," Jake said, sitting down on a chair in front of the stationary camera. _

"_But it's creepy!" I argued somewhere in the background. "And besides, no one will watch it if I do it."_

"What's this?" Bella asked with her eyes trained on the screen.

I grimaced. I wanted to turn off the TV so badly, but this was exactly what Jake had wanted, and I couldn't deny him something that I remembered he had been so passionate about doing. I just really, really didn't want anyone to see my part of it. Ever.

I sighed. "Just watch," I replied. Jake always got what he wanted – there was no reason to change that now.

"_Okay, so here goes," Jake said semi-seriously, which was as serious as he usually ever got, looking directly into the camera. "If you're seeing this, then I'm dead. No, wait. Is that too much of a cliché?" _

"_Probably," I agreed flatly, still out of sight. _

"_All right. I'll try again. This is harder than I thought it would be," he said, clearing his throat. "Um, hello. Mom, Dad, Bella…I need you to know that whatever happens, I will always love you. Even if I'm not here anymore, I will still love you. Stuff like that doesn't just stop. I'd like to think that I turned out okay, and that you can be proud of me, but it's only because of your love and support. _

"_Rose, Em, Grandpa, Leah, Seth, Uncle Harry, Aunt Claire, I also love you. I once told Rose that I'm over here because someone has to make sure that everyone back home stay safe, and it's true. I'd do anything to make sure of that. I don't even care if it ends up killing me. Just…please be proud of me. I love you all of you. And I'm sorry, Mom." _

_Clearing his throat, he stood up. "You're up, Rusty." _

Everyone was crying, and I reached for the remote to turn the TV off. However, Bella stopped me.

"Please don't," she said, sniffling.

I didn't know if it was because she wanted to see if there was more with Jake on the tape or because she wanted to see me make an idiot of myself. But as it was, I couldn't deny her. She couldn't ever know that tears in her eyes meant that I'd do anything for her. She'd just start using it against me. I leaned back in the couch with a sigh.

"_I really don't have anything to say," I insisted. _

"_Bullshit. Sit your ass down and pour your heart out," Jake argued and pushed me over to the chair. _

_I reluctantly sat down, looking everywhere but into the camera. _

"_Dude, come on!" Jake whined. _

"_What do you want me to say?" I asked, sullenly. "It's not like anyone cares if I die. Tell me who I'm supposed to say goodbye to. My dentist? The mail man? Colonel Banner? I told you all about my family. They already consider me dead." _

"_Maybe they'll surprise you," Jake suggested, cheerily. _

"_When I'm dead?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "Yeah, see if I care." _

"_There has to be someone you'd want to tell _something_ if you weren't here anymore," he argued. _

_I sighed. "All right, all right. There is. But next time you get a stupid idea, you're on your own. This shit is more painful than getting teeth pulled."_

_I turned to face the camera. "If I die, I just want to say thank you to Jake's saint of a sister for the cookies. They did more for the war effort than most officers over here."_

_I turned to Jake. "There. Happy now? I even meant that shit." _

_Jake came into the picture and patted my shoulder. "Dude, you're sad. You don't even know her." _

_I snorted. "I know." _

_Jake laughed when he reached out to turn off the camera. _

I had never been more embarrassed in my life. If I had remembered that that particular clip was on the tapes, I might just have burned them the moment I had found them. Well, okay, I wouldn't have. But I would have made sure to delete it before showing anyone. And if there were any deities _anywhere_, now would be an awesome time for the earth to swallow me whole.

"Awwww, muffin cup! We all love you!" James cried, tackling me – and Bella by default – on the couch.

He clung to me, almost suffocating me, but he did manage to break the awkward tension that had settled in the room while I had shown how pathetic I was on video. I pushed him off me, and he went on to hug everyone else just for the heck of it.

"Yeah, we really do," Bella said softly.

At first I didn't know what she was talking about, but then it registered. The smile spread on my face just as it did on hers, but then James had to go and ruin everything by launching himself at us again and telling us all about how torn he was about who was the prettiest – me or Jake. I needed to go find out where Charlie kept his rifles.

A chance to salvage the ruined moment never presented itself that night. After swapping stories about Jake for an hour, we went home. Bella and I barely made it into her apartment before clothes were flying around us, and after round one against her front door and round two in the bed, sleep was more appealing than talking.

The following morning, Bella hadn't even woken up yet when Charlie called me while I was making breakfast.

"Morning, son. You got plans today?" he asked.

_Yes, Sir. I need to feed your naked daughter breakfast in bed before I figure out how to tell her that I love her._

"Nope," I replied.

"Great. I was wondering if you might be interested in accompanying me to Port Angeles? I'm meeting with some suppliers, and the youngsters think they can fool an old man. I could use some backup. Plus, it never hurts to learn more about the business, you know."

"Sure, I'd love to," I replied. I wasn't about to say no if he needed help or turn down the opportunity to learn something that might be handy to know later on. More importantly, I would also never deny him when he offered me more responsibility. Responsibility came with trust.

"I'll pick you up in half an hour. Thanks, son," he said before ending the call.

I ate while finishing Bella's breakfast. Then I woke her up and showered while she ate. She was all for me going with her dad – apparently he and Sue both had a habit of taking on too much, and they weren't getting any younger. After my shower, I dressed while getting ogled by Bella, who was licking the maple syrup from the pancakes off her fingers. _Fucking minx. _Then I was ready to go meet Charlie. With a hard on. _Thanks, Bella._

The day was extremely educational, and it soon become obvious that Charlie hadn't asked me along as backup, but because he wanted to entrust me with more responsibility. He and Sue had spent decades building their business, and now they wanted me to take part in the decision making when it came to suppliers. It was a staggering thought, and I was not about to let them down.

We spent the entire day in Port Angeles, and when we arrived back in Forks, Bella and James had already opened the bar. I ate dinner in the diner with Charlie before going downstairs to see my pretty firecracker and serve some drinks. I had missed her something awful all day. I was in deep.

The night was fairly busy, at least until it neared closing time. Emmett had made an appearance, and when it slowed down, I joined him at end of the bar. Bella was in the office doing paperwork, and James was hitting on a guy at the other end.

"My mom called today to ask when the wedding was," Emmett told me and emptied his beer.

I frowned and got him another one. "I thought your mom was at the wedding," I said. "Wasn't she the one wearing the big hat?"

"Yup, she was there," he replied with a snort. "She was also completely wasted, which is probably why she doesn't remember."

"Shit. That blows. I'm sorry, Em," I said.

He shrugged. "She's been like that my whole life – that's why I always spent so much time at Jake's house. Sue and Charlie are like the perfect parents. I'd just hoped that for once she'd make an effort, you know?"

"Parents suck, man," I sympathized. "Mine didn't even bother to show up when I'd been blown up and was in a coma."

Emmett shook his head. "My mom put a Mickey Mouse bandage on my wrist when I broke it playing soccer in the fourth grade. And then she gave me a shot of bourbon for the pain. Sue nearly killed her when she found out."

"We got royally screwed over in the parental department, huh?" I asked.

"And then some," Emmett agreed.

"Watch your mouths, ungrateful pretty faces," James interrupted, looking as serious as I'd ever seen him. "You two, well, all three of us actually, have the best parents in the world. Just because a man donated some sperm and a woman popped you out nine months later does not mean they're your parents. Mama and Papa Swan have taken us all in, and I, for one, know that no one has ever loved me more than they do."

"That's true," Emmett allowed. "You come from sucktastic people, too?"

James nodded and looked down for a moment. "My dad beat the crap out of me when he found out that I was gay, and Mom was too disgusted to care. Mama and Papa Swan just love me anyway. That's all I need to know."

"I'm sorry, dude. Grab a drink. Both of you," Emmett said. "We're toasting to awesome parents – the kind who choose to love you instead of the kind who shits on you when they should be loving you."

I toasted with my new brothers, and we swapped more crappy stories about the people who had produced us.

"What the hell is this?" Bella asked, coming out from the office. "Why are you having a love fest when you should be closing? Emmett, go home. Rose was expecting you an hour ago. And those of you expecting to get paid for tonight need to get their asses in gear and clean this place up."

Emmett whistled and put down his glass. "I know I'm a man and therefore responsible for all the bad stuff in the world, but it was God who decided that women should be on the rag every month. Be mad at him."

Bella glared at him. "I can – and will – ban you from the bar for the next decade if you don't go home right now. I'm tired, it's twenty minutes past closing time, and I am _not_ on the fucking rag."

Emmett chortled, always excited for a chance to rile someone up. I grabbed the broom and handed it to James, pleading him with my eyes not to make things worse in his usual way. He pouted, but started sweeping the floor. Then I went over to Bella and put my arms around her.

"Goodnight, Emmett," I said diplomatically.

That just made him laugh harder. "Dude, you're whipped."

"And you should be, too, considering you have a beautiful, new wife waiting for you at home," I shot back.

"All right, all right. I'm not actually afraid of your angry kitten, but I am terrified of my own lioness at home. I'm going. Goodnight," he called out and left, still chuckling.

"Go on upstairs if you're tired, love," I said to Bella and kissed the side of her neck. "James and I will finish up here and lock up."

She sighed. "I'm just exhausted, and then I get cranky. I even fell asleep at the desk while doing paperwork."

"I'll try my best not to keep you up tonight," I told her.

"Well, I'm not _that_ tired," she said, giggling.

I attempted to give her a hickey on the neck, but she skillfully maneuvered around in my arms using her firecracker tricks. Standing on her toes, she kissed me like a woman who was not tired at all. Of course, then James went and ruined everything by hitting me in the back of my knees with the broom so I accidentally bit down too hard on Bella's bottom lip. She pulled back, wincing.

"Shit, I'm sorry, baby," I apologized and grabbed the broom from James so I could hit him with it, too.

"I hate men," Bella grumbled. "Well, some men. You guys finish up here. I'm going to bed. And if this place isn't sparkling tomorrow morning, I'll castrate the first person I see who has a dick."

"What the ever-loving fuck crawled up your little behind and died a tragic death?" James asked bravely, but half-hidden behind me.

I shook my head and stepped to the side. If he wanted to die, then I wasn't standing in the line of fire. Dude was on his own. I started picking up the dirty glasses from the bar. Had it been anyone else, I would have defended my pretty firecracker, but she was much better at handling James than I was.

Bella didn't explode like I had expected, though. Instead she sighed. "I'm exhausted, and I just want to sleep. And I'm annoyed because I would have been doing that right now if you hadn't…ugh. Ignore me. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I just need sleep. Goodnight."

James looked at me with a frown, but I couldn't do anything except shrug my shoulders. I had no idea what was wrong, although I did have a couple of theories. Maybe the videos from the other night had affected her more than she wanted to admit – or even more than she realized. Also, something that was bound to mess with all of us was the fact that Jake's birthday was coming up soon.

I quickly finished cleaning up and was pleased to see James do the same. I let him lock up and hurried upstairs. Although it wasn't safe, I hoped that Bella had left her door unlocked. I didn't want her to be alone, although I was also conscious of the fact that maybe she really did just need sleep and a little space. She meant everything to me, but there were still a lot that I didn't know about her.

Her door was locked, though. I knocked softly, but not loud enough to wake her up if she was already sleeping. There was no answer, and I leaned my forehead against the door in frustration. Was there a How to be a Good Boyfriend 101 class somewhere that I could take?

James returned upstairs while I was debating with myself what to do, and he had no sympathy for me.

"If you hadn't been so insistent about installing those damn deadbolts, I would have been able to pick the lock for you. But now you're on your own, Prince Charming," he said. "And how is Prince Charming going to wake up the Indian princess with a kiss if he can't get into the tower, huh?"

"Goodnight, court jester," I said, sighing. I hated the fact that he was actually right. And then I hated the fact that I was even considering of breaking into my girlfriend's apartment. That was probably not part of the How to be a Good Boyfriend 101 class.

James snickered and went into his own apartment. Finally agreeing with myself that waking Bella up was a bad idea, I also went into my own place. I would get up early and make her breakfast instead. Hopefully, I could get a better idea if something was bothering her.

Only stopping to empty my pockets, I went directly to the bedroom. I needed sleep, too. However, when I turned on the lights, I was surprised to see Bella fast asleep in my bed. She was wearing one of my t-shirts and hugging my pillow. At that moment, I knew that I was just fucking done for. The pretty firecracker owned my heart, and she could blow it up whenever she pleased.

It didn't take long to brush my teeth, shed my clothes, and crawl under the covers. When I pulled her close, she opened her eyes.

"I took a chance and assumed that bitches were allowed in your bed," she said and buried her face in the crook of my neck.

I chuckled. "No bitches – only firecrackers."

She sighed. "Good."

"Bella?" I asked, nervously.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I didn't know if I had ever said those words out loud to anyone before, but if I had, I couldn't remember. I hadn't been raised in a family where that kind of stuff was ever expressed verbally – and when it mattered, not in actions, either. No one had ever made me feel even a fraction of what Bella made me feel.

She kissed my neck before leaning her head back so she could look at my face. I was surprised to see a tear in the corner of her eye.

"I love you more."

I shook my head, chuckling. "Impossible."

"Wanna bet?" she challenged me with a grin. She sat up and straddled me. "I'm suddenly not so tired anymore. What about you?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **See you next time!


	18. Death Wish

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Sending tons of hugs to nowforruin and sherryola, our amazing Dust team. This story would not be half as good without their amazing skills.

Since it's been forever since the last post, should we just get to it? Yes? Okay! Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18 - <strong>**Death Wish**

**BPOV**

Eleven a.m.

That was what the clock face, on the wall in front of me, read, letting me know I'd been stuck in this godforsaken place for over an hour. I was starting to think the staff was ignoring me on purpose. It was the only way I could reconcile the fact that other people, who had arrived after me, had gotten to go in before I did. It was either that, or I'd done something in a past life to make the man upstairs hate me.

Both scenarios were plausible.

The reason behind sitting in the doctor's office was simple and irritating at the same time. It was the beginning of November, and I was one of the first people in Forks to get the flu. I had been puking my guts out for the past week, and at the insistence of my parents, my boyfriend, and James, I came to make sure everything was all right. I tried to argue that the flu had no cure, and all I needed was rest, but my protests were ignored. Edward ratted me out to my parents, telling them I hadn't been able to keep anything down for the last forty-eight hours. Needless to say, Mama Swan was not pleased and threatened to take me herself. I was a big girl, fully capable of taking myself to the doctor, so I relented and made an appointment.

I flipped through an issue of Time, not really paying attention to the words on the page. Sitting in the doctor's office made my hatred of waiting, period, amplify times a million. It was like these people didn't care if I had something better to do than warm the waiting room seats.

_It's official. I'll be old and gray before I'll ever get out of here_.

After I'd _finally_ been escorted to the back, I'd gone through the standard prodding and poking the nurses got paid to do. I was convinced they secretly loved doing that shit. And then came the questions. God, I hated the questions.

_What are you in for today? How long has this been going on? Are you on any medications?_

Ugh. It was enough to make me never want to come back _ever_ again. I knew she was doing her job but did she have to be sound so bored? _I am a person, you know_.

She left after making some notes into a file, and I was stuck waiting for an eternity again. When the doctor strolled in, he had smile on his face.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Gerandy. So, what's going on…?" he said, looking down at the chart in his hand. "Miss Swan?'

_What I always wanted. A doctor that doesn't take the time to read a patient's name, at the very least. Awesome_.

"Um, I've been throwing up for the past week, feeling kinda achy, run down…wanting to sleep all the time. I think it's the flu. I'm just here to make sure I'm not dehydrated or something." I fought the urge to wipe the grin off his face.

"Hmmmmm. You didn't have a fever when the nurse took your temperature." He walked over to me with his serious doctor face on, but it turned to a confused expression as he checked my throat, looked in my ears, and listened to my lungs.

"I want to run a couple of tests to see what we're dealing with."

He closed the file and stepped out of the room. Doctor Dude was making no sense, but I decided to indulge him. I wanted to be sure to have an exact reason why I was sick to tell the worrywarts at home later on. I did not put it past them to take me to the ER later if my diagnosis wasn't to their satisfaction.

I leaned back, feeling a little dizzy. I'd tried to eat some plain oatmeal Edward had given me before I'd left, but it had just come back up. He had argued with me about going alone, telling me that he'd feel better if I'd let him drive. I waved him off and promised to be careful. While I was touched by his concern, I didn't want him to have to sacrifice his morning for something unnecessary, too.

I was not happy when the nurse came back to do the tests. I'd decided, when she'd told me what they were going to do, they weren't needed. Needles freaked me out, but, of course, they had to take my blood. I gritted my teeth and bore it, knowing I'd have a humongous bruise later on. Peeing in a cup wasn't all that bad, though. I just really didn't understand why I'd had to do it. But the doctor was the one who'd gone to med school, so I let it go.

Around noon, I'd had it with that place. I was convinced the quack was trying to milk my insurance for every penny he could. It was the flu, damn it. I just wanted to get a quick check up and then go home and die in my bed. Was that too much to ask?

Dr. About-To-Be-Punched came back a half an hour later. I wondered if they had to build the machines needed to spit out the data themselves, or if they'd had the samples sent to Timbuktu for analysis. He sat down on his stool like he hadn't just wasted more of my time. _Bastard_.

"Congratulations, Miss Swan," Dr. Lost-His-Mind smiled.

"Um, okay," I said, narrowing my eyes. "I wasn't aware having the flu was a cause for celebration, but you're the doc."

He chuckled and looked down at my chart. "Well, we don't normally do that for our sick patients. However, your urine test results show that you are pregnant. We've sent out the blood work, but I'm quite confident that one will come back positive, as well."

Oh, good god. I tried to remember when I'd had my period last, counting backwards. The moment I realized that the doctor was probably right, and I was very late, I began to hyperventilate. This was the kind of shit that happened in a fucking movie, not real life. And I was not the quirky heroine that was going to have the perfect man sweep me off my feet and give me my perfect ending. Edward was going to freak and run.

"Noooooooo."

_Son of a bitch_.

"Are you okay?" He stood up and came over toward me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I had no idea how to answer his question, so I sent him a blank stare. How did one have a response to something like that? My life was about to change, drastically, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for it.

"Was this not a planned pregnancy?" he asked, his tone suggesting concern.

"Not really."

"I see." The doctor glanced at me and nodded. "I'm sure things aren't that bad," He probably thought I was a mental case and was biding his time until he could call the white coats to take me away. I'd be lucky if he'd let me leave at all.

"I don't know."

"Well, if you'd like, Susan in reception can set you up with an obstetrician and help you make an appointment."

I nodded my head, still trying to process what was happening.

"Good luck, Miss Swan. I wish you the best," he said, holding out his hand.

I shook it and left the room, glad I was able to make my escape. My thoughts were still jumbled when I talked with Susan. She found me an OB/GYN that was highly recommended, according to her, and called to see if they could fit me in. I thanked her when she gave me the little blue card that said I was supposed to see a Dr. Kate Richardson.

The drive home was nothing but a blur. I went back to my apartment and lay down. Edward had offered to go in early and help Charlie stock the bar and diner before Downstairs opened. He had also managed to talk James into coming in on his night off so I could rest. I loved that man so much and wasn't sure what I was going to do when he panicked out over my news.

I decided to take a nap after I came home, alternating between sleep and wakefulness. Dreams of Edward telling me he didn't sign up for fatherhood plagued me. In them, he'd accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose, trying to tie him down. Then he'd tell me that he was moving back to Seattle to live with his real family—to the people that really cared about him. It would always end with me seeing him with some faceless woman on his arm, while I held the child he didn't want.

I didn't see Edward until later that night. He came into my apartment carrying a duffle bag full of his clothes and toiletries. We'd both been going back and forth, sleeping in each other's beds. Neither of us wanted to spend a night without the other but had never said it out loud. I was about to destroy the perfect bubble we'd found ourselves in. I felt like I was going to be sick.

The nauseous feeling didn't go away, and I ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Dying had to feel better than heaving hard enough to make my face hurt. I felt a cool rag on my forehead when I leaned back from the bowl.

"Ugh, go away, Edward," I said in a small voice.

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to take care of you no matter how hard you push me away," He wiped the cloth against my sweaty skin.

Why did have to be so sweet?

Once the sick feeling in my stomach passed, I flushed the toilet and stood with Edward's help. I felt too weak to protest. He helped keep me upright while I brushed my teeth and carried me to bed when I stumbled from the dizzy feeling in my head. He laid me down on the mattress and then carefully sat down beside me. Brushing the hair off of my forehead, he looked at me with a frown on his face.

"What did the doctor say?" Edward played with a strand of my hair.

_Shit. Apparently we are having this conversation now. I suppose it's too much to ask for a little more time from the deity in charge_.

"I, uh…" I stuttered, the words not wanting to come out.

"Bella, you're kind of scaring me here. You don't have a terminal disease, do you?" He let out a weak chuckle.

_As if I didn't feel bad enough_. I knew that it wasn't fair for me to drag this out. If he was going to leave anyway, I might as well tell him before he got more comfortable with all of us.

"The doctor ran some tests." I stared into his eyes, fidgeting with my fingers.

Edward's eyes never left my face. It made me more nervous, but there was no turning back.

"They, um, also had me pee in a cup, which was disgusting by the way."

"Okay? I'm not sure why you're telling me that, but what did he say?"

_Well, here goes nothing_.

"I'm pregnant, Edward. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. God, this sucks. Just promise me you'll wait until I'm asleep before you leave. I don't think I can stand watching you walk out that door." Tears formed in my eyes as I rushed out the words.

Edward sat next to me, looking like a slab of marble. His face was blank as he stared out into the room. I fidgeted, my anxiety growing with each second that ticked by. I knew it was only a matter of time before everything came to a head.

"You're sure. Like, you're really, really sure?" His voice came out just above a whisper.

I rubbed my hand over my face. "The doctor was pretty convinced by the results."

He sighed and shifted, facing me. "I just…I don't…" Edward blew out a frustrated breath and let his words die off. He stood up and began pacing, his shoulders tense as he moved in a circle.

"I won't ask you for anything. This is probably my fault. These types of things tend to happen to me. I can even have it done legally to absolve you of all responsibilities—"

He interrupted me, sitting next to me with his hand on his thighs, "Just…please be quiet for a second, Bella. I'm-I'm thinking."

I waited for him to gather his thoughts, trying to not let myself hope. The passage of time only tightened the knot forming in my gut. I couldn't fault Edward for feeling like the world was crashing down around him; I'd felt the same way when the news had been delivered to me.

"You must think I'm some kind of jerk, huh?" His voice was filled with hurt as he lowered his head. "I don't know what I did to make you think I was the type of guy who would abandon you over something like this, but it's pretty obvious I've fucked up somewhere along the way."

"No, I don't. And you're not. I love you, Edward. Please don't think that way. This is my issue, not yours," I said, pulling his face toward mine. "I just…it's only been a couple of months, and we've always jokingly said we'd never have kids. I had no idea how you really felt about the subject, and I panicked. I guess I was just preparing myself for the worst case scenario," I paused to take a breath from my rambling. "I've just...I have a really bad track record with men. I mean, when—"

Edward growled, shaking his head. "Do not say that fucker's name. He was a bastard, and it has nothing to do with you. At all."

I nodded, wiping at my eyes. He was right; it was Embry's fault things fell apart and had nothing to do with me. It was just easier to take on all the blame, because he had told me over and over again that it was. And that kind of conditioning was hard to break sometimes.

"Please don't cry, Bella. It's okay," he promised, tilting my chin up. "I have a hard time hearing you take the blame. After that night at the reservation, anything to do with him makes me see red. When I think of what could have happened…" He shook his head and then stared into my eyes. "What do you want, Bella? Do you want this…this baby? I love you, and I'll be here no matter what."

Edward's thumbs ran across the spot on my stomach where our child lay. I could see in his eyes that he wanted it. Wanted this. And if I was honest with myself, the only option that was available was to keep the baby. I couldn't imagine my child growing up, not knowing his or her parents. Not to mention, terminating the pregnancy seemed wrong. There was really only one answer I could give him.

"Yes."

Edward pressed his forehead to mine and let out a relived breath. "Okay. We're really doing this."

A small smile formed on my lips. "We are."

"Charlie's going to have my balls."

"What?" I chuckled, laying my head on his shoulder. "I'm sure he'll be just as excited as the rest of them. Well, eventually, anyway. He's probably not going to kill you."

"That's not what I mean," he said, nudging my face with his chin. "I mean, what if we just get married? You know, so my manly parts won't suffer a horrible fate?"

The tension drained from the room, and I laughed out loud. "Be serious, Edward. Charlie loves you—probably even more than me."

A half smile spread across Edward's lips, and I knew we were going to be okay. The situation wasn't perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't something we couldn't work out. Edward really was a stand up guy; he wasn't going to bail because things had gotten complicated, and in my panic, I'd forgotten that. I vowed, from that moment on, to be better for Rusty. It was the least he deserved.

"What if I am being serious?"

My heart stopped, and then restarted, pounding furiously against my chest. He couldn't mean it? Could he? My head swam as the reasons why it wasn't a good idea raced through my brain.

"I-what?"

"I know you're over thinking this. I can see it in your eyes." Edward caressed my cheek. "And I know what you're going to say. _People will think we're doing it because you're pregnant. We haven't been together that long. It's a crazy Idea._ But I don't care what people think.

"I love you. And if almost dying from that roadside bomb taught me anything, it's that you have to grab a hold of happiness and hold on tight when you find it."

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, not able to find my words after his beautiful declaration. He was right. Things seemed to be moving fast, but I knew that Edward was the one for me. And, really, no one else's opinion mattered.

He continued, not having noticed my pause, "Marry me, Bella. I swear no one will ever love you and our child as much as I do."

"Yes." My voice was barely audible as my throat threatened to close.

He pulled me to him, squeezing me. This felt right. _He_ felt right, and I wondered why I'd had any doubts to begin with. It was easy for me to imagine myself walking toward Edward, taking his hand, and saying the words that would tie me to him for the rest of our lives. My parents, friends, and even James smiling as they witnessed our public statement of love. But in that picture, one important person was missing.

Jake.

My eyes watered, my brother's absence skewing that perfect picture in my head, and I knew, right then, I couldn't go through a traditional wedding ceremony. It hurt just thinking about Jake not being there to harass Edward, or see Jake standing next to Edward, as his best man, in support.

"Edward," I whispered, not wanting to break the happy bubble that had surrounded us but knowing that it had to be done.

"What's wrong?" His smile dropped as his thumb swept across my cheek.

"I…" I took a deep breath, starting again. "I don't think I want to do this, not the traditional way. I can't. All those guests will just remind me that my brother can't be there."

I rested my head on his shoulder and felt his fingers playing with the back of my neck. "We could always elope. And we don't have to tell anyone we're doing it. I just want to marry you, and I don't care how it happens. Your happiness means everything to me."

And just like that, Edward proved, once again, what an amazing man he was. It wasn't hard to agree, because I knew I'd be a basket case if my family was present. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but, at the same time, the wound created from Jake's death was still fresh. Having them there would only make his absence more noticeable.

We spent the rest of the night making plans to get married as soon as possible. Edward couldn't wait to call me his wife, and, honestly, I couldn't wait to call him husband. It was as if, for the first time since Jake had left us, life was perfect.

~.~.~.~

I was fucking pissed.

Edward and I wasted an entire day in Port Angeles, thinking eloping would be a piece of cake. But, no, we ended up not being able to get married. It seemed Washington State had a stupid rule that said you had to wait three days after you applied for and received a marriage license before you could actually get married.

He was just as upset as I was when the clerk relayed this information to us. Edward went on a rant, but when the clerk helping us offered to schedule an appointment with a judge who could perform the ceremony, once the waiting period was over, he calmed down. It wasn't what we'd wanted, but we accepted, because we really had no other choice.

I still wanted to scream out in frustration. Whoever decided that the law was a good idea was a fucking moron, and I had to fight the urge to write my congressman just so I could tell him he was a jackass.

"I take back everything good I've ever said about Washington. This state sucks." Edward narrowed his eyes and kept them trained on the road.

"Agreed," I said, sighing.

We had much bigger problems than stupid laws, though. Edward and I were going to have to keep the fact that we were getting married, and the baby, a secret until we could tie the knot. It was going to take a lot of effort on both our parts thanks to James and my mother.

They had stepped up their efforts lately to get Edward and me together, calling it "Operation Get Bella Hitched and Pregnant." James' contribution to the plan had been to attack Edward with Post-It notes when he'd thought I hadn't been looking—sticking them on his back, arm, forehead, and backside—with suggestions for a perfect, romantic proposal. It had been ridiculous. When I'd confronted him about his oddball behavior, he'd told me that I'd never catch "the Post-It Bandit" and ran off like a coward.

But that hadn't been the worst of James' shenanigans. When he'd realized Edward wasn't going to use one of his outlandish proposals, he'd decided to execute the baby making part of his plan. That meant Edward and I'd ended up being locked in the broom closet for two hours after closing. I should have known the little weasel was up to something when he'd said he'd needed Edward's and my help to find the floor cleaner. We'd fallen for it hook, line, and sinker and had been subjected to James rambling about the best positions to use in a small, confined space.

Needless to say, James had been lucky we didn't kill him that night.

My mother hadn't been any better. She'd decided that she'd needed to light a fire under Rusty's ass and told him that he was no long allowed to eat any of her homemade coleslaw until either I'd had a ring on my finger or a bun in the oven. She hadn't cared, because, in her own words, "accidents happened sometimes."

_Thanks, Mom. I'm so glad you're advocating your daughter to be knocked up out of wedlock. _

I had thought Edward was going to cry when Mom had laid down the law. But not even his tears had changed her mind. My traitor father had even taken up the cause, laughing at us when I'd asked him to intervene and do something about his wife. The old man, it seemed, had caught wedding and baby fever, too. But we'd just gritted out teeth and barred the crazy.

_Well, until now, anyway. I guess after the family finds out Operation Get Bella Hitched and Pregnant was a success, Rusty will be getting back his coleslaw privileges soon_.

I was still irritated with Edward when I started my shift at the bar that evening. He'd thought it'd be a good idea to tell me, the moment we got home, that no wife of his was going to work, so I better just quit my job. I'd laughed and told him shove his dickhead attitude where the sun doesn't shine.

He didn't like that, so we'd come to an impasse on my continuing to work during my pregnancy. What Edward hadn't realized was that, if he'd have just asked me to stop working, or given me reasons why he wanted me to stay at home, I would have considered it. Then again, I loved working at the bar. It kept me sane on most days, the ones James wasn't working, and I knew I'd be bored to death, sitting at home and doing nothing.

_Who am I kidding? I'm not giving my job up. The husband's just going to have to get over it._

The night was slow, and it was just Edward, James, and me working. My wonderful husband-to-be had almost blown our cover multiple times that night. On one occasion, he refused to let me lift a keg. I knew that it wasn't a good idea to do so in my condition, but Edward all but threw a fit before I could ask him to do it for me. Another time, a male customer hit on me, and I thought my man was going to hit the roof. He threatened the poor guy within an inch of his life. I had to give the dude a free drink so he wouldn't call the sheriff. Apparently, the caveman inside of Edward had come out and was trying to protect his woman and offspring.

_A mad Papa Cullen is kind of hot. Not gonna lie_.

I leaned back against the shelf that housed the different liquors we served. Edward joined me, turning me and leaning toward my face.

"You should go sit down," he whispered in my ear. "Being on your feet all night is not good for BC."

"BC?" My voice was so soft, I was sure only Edward heard.

"Um, yeah, the freak insists on calling our kid Baby Cullen. I thought initials sounded cooler."

"Secrets are lies," James spoke next to my ear, "Especially ones that are whispered."

I pulled away from Edward and faced James, rolling my eyes. "You're an idiot."

"The two of you are hiding something." The diva waved his finger at us. "I'm going to find out what it is, eventually. You might as well just tell me now."

"James." Edward ran a hand over his face. "We aren't hiding anything. If we were, you'd be the last person I'd ever tell."

I elbowed Edward, trying to shut him up. His comment was going to do nothing to deter James, and for the millionth time in one night, he was going to blow everything. I wished he would just keep his mouth shut.

"Fine, hide things from me. I don't care. When whatever you're whispering about blows up in your face, though, don't come crying to me. I tried to warn you," James said, pursing his lips.

I turned away from my hyperactive friend, pretending he wasn't there. When he didn't get a response, or a confession, out of either of us, he left in a huff.

"This is too fun," Edward laughed, throwing his arm around me. "We should keep things from him more often."

~.~.~.~

"Here you go," Mom said, setting down plates in front of us.

Edward and I had decided to eat in the diner for lunch. We had one day left before we could go to the courthouse, and we were just trying to kill time. But I hadn't considered that my mother was still a woman on a mission, and I was starting to regret going.

"What's this?" Edward cast a suspicious glance at his plate.

"Your healthy meal." Mom smiled at him.

I snorted in amusement. Edward's eyes flashed to mine, showing me he was not amused.

_Oops_.

"Don't you love me?" he asked my mother, pulling out the puppy eyes.

Not surprisingly, Mom was unaffected by his charm. "Of course. This is why I'm looking out for you."

"Come on. This is ridiculous." Edward tossed his head back in frustration.

"Have you made an honest woman out of my daughter yet?" Mom placed a hand on her hip and tapped her foot.

"Well, you see Sue…I mean, Mom…I, uh." Edward looked down and scowled.

Her lip curled up. "Well, what about my grandbaby. I told you I'd be willing to overlook a slip up."

"Actually—"

I kicked his shin under the table. Mr. I-Can't-Keep-My-Mouth-Shut was about to ruin it. He crossed his arms and gave me a pleading look. I shook my head at him.

"No," Edward said, pouting.

"Then no coleslaw for you. I told you. Until a wedding or a pregnancy announcement happens, coleslaw does not exist." Mom ruffled his hair.

Edward slumped back in his seat, grumbling.

"How's your food, dear? Any complaints from you?" Mom gave me a sideways look.

"Nope, none from me. I love salad." I made a huge show of taking a bite.

"Good. See you both later," Mom said in a cheery voice. She walked away with a satisfied grin on her face. When I was sure she was out of hearing range, I turned to Edward.

"Are you insane? You almost told her!" I hissed, clenching my fist.

"She cut me off from having coleslaw. Coleslaw, Bella! A man can only take so much." Edward wrinkled his nose and glared at his food.

"Oh, hush. Just eat your food."

"This is not food, Bella. It's a fucking salad," he whined, sticking out his bottom lip. "Only small, furry animals should eat this shit."

"Stop being such a baby. You know, you'll get your precious coleslaw back really soon. I, on the other hand, will have to eat this crap for the next nine months. Cookies, hamburgers, and other yummy foods will be a thing of the past. Suck it up, sergeant pouty," I said, waving him off.

"Such a crime. I'll never forget the Great Coleslaw Embargo. Next time, we're telling them you're pregnant right away, even if we have to wake them up in the middle of the night." Edward stabbed the lettuce on his plate, the grimace never leaving his face.

Before we knew it, we were at the courthouse. Edward and I decided to forego the fancy clothes, instead opting to dress comfortably. Our wedding outfits consisted of jeans and t-shirts. I was liking the eloping thing more and more.

As we took our turn at the receptionist's desk, we found out that two witnesses were needed to sign the marriage certificate. In our great plan of not inviting family, we'd pretty much screwed ourselves out of having them. An elderly couple standing behind us had heard our problem and offered to be our witnesses. Edward thanked them, accepting their services.

To pass the time, we talked with the couple. Peter and Charlotte Kingston had been married for forty-five years and were still very much in love. Listening to them talk about love and what they considered to be a successful recipe for a happy marriage gave me hope. They reminded me of my own parents, and if I could have half of what the couple or my own parents had, then I would be a very lucky woman.

Our names were called, and as we were walking through the office door, Edward handed Bob to Mr. Kingston. I'd talked him into bringing the small camcorder, arguing that it was our only chance of survival. It was likely that without it, I would be a widow before I gave birth. Then, once the child was out of my womb, I'd meet my own demise by the hands of my mother.

The ceremony was simple, the judge taking us through the traditional wedding vows. We stood facing each other, with our hands linked, as he started. It was simple and perfect. I couldn't help but smile when the judge announced us as "husband and wife" and said my new husband could kiss me.

Edward leaned in, capturing my lips. He kept it close- mouthed for our audience, but the passion was still there. It was hard to believe he was mine, and it was something I'd get to enjoy for the rest of my life.

We pulled apart and walked over to the desk to sign our names on the certificate. Once we were finished, Peter and Charlotte signed, after he handed the camera to Edward. With a handshake, a pat on the back, and a few hugs, we left the elderly couple. They wished us a happy marriage, and we wished them good health.

By the time we entered the car, I was exhausted. The motion of the car on the drive home only made it worse. Not long into the ride, I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

"You can take a nap in the car, you know," Edward squeezed my hand, never taking his eyes off the road.

"Yeah, I know. This sucks, though. I don't have time to be tired." I crossed my arms and gave him a petulant stare.

"Well," he said, rubbing my stomach. "You are growing a person. You need to take care of yourself and my son."

I rolled my eyes. "Not this again. I told you…the fifth month is when we find out the sex. Until then, isn't kind of weird to call our kid a boy?"

"Nope. A girl means I'll have to kill idiot teenage boys who look at my daughter. A boy means I can sleep at night. So, a girl is not an option. We're having a son." Edward punctuated the last sentence with a nod.

I didn't agree with Edward's logic, and I was keeping an open mind. It didn't matter to me what the baby turned out to be. As long as it was healthy, I was happy. I was convinced Edward was stupid because he wouldn't even entertain the idea that I could be carrying a girl. I really hoped that karma would be on my side and kick his smug ass.

"Whatever. We'll see."

I ended up passing out not long after our conversation, the quiet music playing me in the background lulling me to sleep. I woke up sometime later, in Edward's arms, and noticed he was walking up the stairs of our apartment building.

"I can walk, you know." I pointed out when we reached my door.

"I know. It's my job as your new husband to carry you over the threshold. So, don't argue with me." Edward playfully narrowed his eyes.

_Have I said before how hot this man is when he puts his foot down?_

"Fine. You win." I mock pouted.

He grinned and adjusted his hold. "Of course I do."

I laughed at him when he realized that he'd have to put me down to unlock the door. Undeterred from his original plan, he scooped me back up once he'd opened it and carried me inside carefully. He made sure the lock and the deadbolt were secure after we were inside and then led me to the bedroom.

Our clothes came off quickly, and in no time, we were on the bed wrapped in each other. Edward placed open-mouthed kisses over my collar bone and throat, worshiping every inch of my skin.

My fingers weaved into his hair as he descended further. Pausing only to leave a small kiss on my stomach, his lips descended to the place I needed him most. The feel of him sliding his tongue over my sensitive folds caused me to arch off the mattress.

"Please, Edward," was all I could manage.

Edward slid up my torso, peppering my skin with small pecks.

"I love you so fucking much," he whispered into my hair.

The feelings coursing through me from his declaration threatened to burst out. I'd never felt as loved as I did with that man. He was my everything.

"I love you, too."

He entered me without warning, causing me to cry out in surprise. The pace was slow as Edward gazed into my eyes. I was transfixed by his stare—full of love and devotion. His hands gripped me softly as he pressed his forehead to mine. The deliberate thrusts were pushing me higher and higher. I felt as if I was on the precipice of something great—something that only Edward could provide.

I ran my hands down his ribcage and moved them to his lower back, pulling him closer. I anchored him to me by hooking my legs over his thighs; I could never get close enough. Edward began quickening the pace, driving into me faster. His eyes continued to stare into my soul, mumbling his love for me and my body, and I held on tighter.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward moaned, throwing his head back.

"Oh, Edward." I groaned, trying to spur him on. "I'm gonna—"

"That's it, baby. Come all over me."

My world began blurring, focusing to where only Edward existed. He moved faster and began grunting. The feeling of him being inside of me, his stare, and his hands holding my hips were becoming too much. I was on sensory overload.

Edward shifted a little, causing his pelvis to rub against my clit. That was all that was needed to make me explode. I called out Edward's name as I came, holding him tightly and exploding into a world of color and sensation.

I came back to myself and heard Edward let out the last cries of his own release right before he slumped on top of me, his head resting into the crook of my neck.

"Goddamn," Edward said as he breathed heavy.

"I know." I panted, pushing the hair out of my face.

Eventually, we disconnected and laid beside one another, completely blissed out. I snuggled into my husband's side, and he caressed my back with his fingertips. No words were necessary. We were content to just be.

Loud knocking interrupted our moment of post-coital heaven. Edward got up, cleaned himself off, and threw his boxers on.

"I don't care who's at the door. They're about to die," he promised as he stomped out of the room.

I heard the sound of the lock opening and then hushed voices echoed from the other side of the closed door. Every once in a while, a voice would rise, but not enough for me to make out what was being said. After a few seconds, curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to go see what was going on.

I cleaned up, got dressed in one of Edward's t-shirts and a pair of his boxers, and walked out into the living room. The first thing I noticed was James and Edward arguing by the door. My diva friend had a bowl of popcorn in one arm, and a bag hanging from the other. I was kind of scared to see what James had planned. He noticed me enter the room and whipped his head around to face me.

"I thought we were friends, Bella." James glared, shifting the items he was holding.

"What are you talking about?"

He walked over to me, grabbing my left hand and moving it to my face.

"This!" He held my hand for a second and then dropped it. "How could you get married and not tell your best friend? I had to find out from Mr. Swimsuit Model over there! I had this epic wedding planned and now everything is ruined. I even had doves. Doves, Bella! What am I going to with them now?"

"You told him!" I yelled, looking right at Edward.

"No!" Edward held his hands up in defense. "He saw my ring and guessed. I tried to talk my way out of it, but he didn't believe me. You're the one that just confirmed it!"

I yanked my hand from James' grasp. "Fuck!"

James went over and sat on the couch, placing the popcorn bowl on the coffee table. He slumped back and hung his head.

"I know I'm pushy, but I though you liked me. I guess it was wrong of me to assume," he said, beginning to cry.

"Son of a bitch." Edward punched the air and then let his arm drop, sighing.

He walked over to James, sitting down beside him. I took the other side, wrapping my arm around my friend's shoulder. The diva was breaking my heart.

"We didn't tell Mom and Dad either." I nudged his shoulder. "I just…it didn't feel right to have some kind of wedding without Jake there. I'm sorry, James. We didn't do this to hurt you."

James sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, looking up at me with hope shining in his eyes. "Really?"

"Yes." I looked over James's shoulder at Edward, giving him a look.

Edward closed his eyes and then opened them. "You drive me crazy, but she's right. We weren't trying to hurt your feelings. You know…people like us, who have crappy parents, have to stick together."

James launched himself at Edward, hugging him tight. "I knew you loved me."

I giggled, causing Edward to glare at me.

My new husband patted James awkwardly on the back. "Yeah, sure. You can even plan a reception. We need one of those, right?"

It was like a switch had been flipped, and James was practically vibrating in his seat.

"Oh, it will be the best reception on the planet. I'm sure I can use the doves for something. I came over to _finally_ have our Tom Cruise marathon. Instead, my two favorite baby makers got hitched. Now we need to step up the efforts to conceive Baby Cullen. I'm so excited!" James jumped up and down, clapping his hands.

Edward looked at me pointedly, but I shook my head. There was no way I was going to tell James that there was no need to worry about BC anymore. Mom was going to blow a gasket when she found out James was the first to know we were married. I didn't need to add to it.

"Well, come on, Newlyweds. Get dressed. We have news to tell." James stood up and began pulling on my arm.

"Um, I was thinking we could wait until tomorrow." I jerked away from him.

"Yeah, not happening." James scoffed, shaking his head. "You're going to have to put the honeymoon on pause. Don't think I don't know you've already started…your sex hair gives you away."

"Hey, we can have that marathon now and forget all about telling anyone else." Edward gestured toward the bag still hanging on James' arm.

"Nice try, cuddle muffin. We will be having our Tom Cruise night, but not right now. Mama and Papa Swan deserve the change to celebrate, too." James eyed us, placing his hand on his hip.

I sighed, getting up off the couch. "Fine. Just give us a few minutes."

I grabbed Edward's hand, pulling him behind me. We entered the bedroom and shut the door behind us.

"We don't have time for baby making!' James voice rang out through the apartment. "Just grab something from the floor. We're on a schedule."

"If he only knew," Edward whispered, shaking his head in amusement.

I snorted, smiling. "No kidding."

We got dressed quickly, putting on what we'd wore earlier. There was no need to find anything else. It wasn't like it had been on for long.

"I'll tell Mama Swan myself if you don't move it!" James voice got louder. "And you know how creative I can be."

Edward left the room first, no doubt to stop James from making good on his warning. I entered the living room next and was ready to get it over with. A thought crossed my mind as we walked down the stairs toward the diner.

"Edward!' I hissed, pulling on his shirt to stop him. "Go get Bob. We need him if we want to get out of this alive."

"You're right!" Edward's eyes went wide and he turned around and sprinted back up the stairs. James gave me a curious look, and I shrugged. I wasn't going to give anything away.

Once Edward returned, camera in hand, we made our decent again. My parents were standing against the counter of Upstairs, sharing the newspaper. Each had their heads tilted toward the other as they read the contents. They looked so cute together; it was shame to interrupt them.

_Stupid meddling James_.

I cleared my throat once I was standing in front of them. "Um, do you think we can step into your office for a moment? We need to talk to you."

Dad furrowed his brow. "Everything okay?

"Everything is fine." Edward smiled, looking down at me.

Mom closed the paper. "Okay, come on."

We walked back to the office, following my parents. Edward had his left hand on my back, conveniently hiding his ring. My own ring clad hand was in my pocket. I figured it would be better to tell them than to have the flash of gold give us away. James walked behind us, snickering.

When everyone was inside, James shut the door. He took one of the seats in front of the desk, leaving only one open. Edward sat down, and I climbed into his lap. Dad was seated in the chair behind the desk, and Mom sat on the arm. My nerves were shot, and the sick feeling I had in my stomach was threatening to expose all of our secrets.

_Please, BC. Not now_, I begged my unborn child silently. _Mommy really needs to keep it together right now. I'll give you anything you want if you don't make me puke on Grandpa's carpet. _

"So, what's going on?" my father's no-nonsense tone broke the silence.

"Well, lots of things, actually." I wrung my hands on my lap.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," Edward blurted out. "Just know that I respect you more than anyone in the whole word."

"O-kay," Charlie said, drawing the word out. "Now you're starting to scare me. Just spit it out."

"I asked Bella to marry me, and she said yes!" Edward rushed out.

"Oh, that's so wonderful. We need to start planning a wedding immediately!' Mom jumped up, running over to us and throwing her arms around Edward and me. Once she released us from the hug, she went back and sat down on my father's lap. James scoffed and shook his head at us.

_Fucker_.

"Um, well…you see. That's not necessary." I looked from my mother to my father. _God, this is harder than I thought_.

"Why?" Mom drew the word out.

"Wekindofgotmarriedthismorning," I said, running the words together.

"Tell me I did not hear that I was not invited to my own daughter's wedding." My mother leaned forward from her perch on Dad's chair, her voice lethal, and glared in my direction.

I looked to Edward for help, pleading with my eyes.

"It's true." Edward threw up his hands to protect his face. "We went to Port Angeles this morning and eloped. Please don't be mad. We just didn't feel right having a ceremony that didn't include Jake. I'm sorry if we hurt you. It was never our intention."

My parents stared at each other for a moment. The silence was crushing, and I waited for the yelling to start.

"Well, what's done is done." Dad nodded, looking down. "We would have liked to be there, but we understand. You're right. It wouldn't have felt right without Jake present."

_And this is why I love my father_.

"We did tape it, though. That has to count for something, right?" Edward lowered his hands and asked in a timid voice.

Mom looked at Edward. "I'll live with a video of my only daughter getting married. However, mister, you still get no coleslaw. I'm still not happy I missed it."

Edward whimpered, sticking his bottom lip out.

"Oh, Mama Swan, we have a reception to plan. Cuddle bug said I could put one together, and it would be tragic for the mother of the bride to not help." James waved his hands as he talked.

My mom actually beamed at him.

_Kiss ass_.

I decided that my mom had taken the Coleslaw Embargo far enough. It was time to let the cat out of the bag and give Rusty back his coleslaw privileges.

_Man better realize how much I love his pouty ass_.

Everyone started to get up and leave, except for Edward and me. I was still perched on top of his lap. I gazed into his eyes, trying to communicate what I wanted to say. He nodded his head and smiled, blowing out a relieved breath.

_If I have midnight cravings, Rusty is totally going to be my bitch_. _The moment he complains, I'll dump the entire batch of coleslaw in the trash_.

"There's something else we need to tell you." Everyone stopped and looked at us.

"You know I went to the doctor a few days ago?" I asked, clearing my throat. "Well, I know what's wrong with me."

Mom and Dad grasped each other's hands, and James looked worried.

_Christ, do they have to think it's something bad? I figured they would have worked it out on their own. Obviously not_.

"Sheesh, you guys. I'm not dying, although I've felt like it for the past few days. I'm pregnant, you morons."

An excited squeal escaped James, and before I knew it, he was hugging Edward and me. Mom looked like she was going to cry, and Dad…well, he just smiled. James extracted himself from me, and I went over to my mom, hugging her.

"I'm just so happy right now," Mom said, tears streaming down her face.

"No work for anyone tonight. I'm closing the place down. If this isn't cause to celebrate, I don't know what is." Charlie hit his fist against the desktop with a smile.

I let go of my mom to hug my father. "Thanks, Daddy."

"No problem, kid." He patted my back lightly.

"Get over here," Sue said, looking at Edward. He got up and walked over to her, and she pulled him into a tight hug.

"I guess this means that I need to feed you some coleslaw. Come with me." she pulled on his arm. The smile on Edward's face could have lit up the room. I couldn't help but grin in response, even though I was jealous. I was going to be suffering in health food hell for the near future, and he was going to get to eat all kinds of junk.

"You are going to be the prettiest girl ever. Auntie James will make sure of it." James sank down to his knees in front of me, placing his hands on my belly.

"Don't let Edward hear you say that. He's convinced we're having a boy." I looked down at him.

James tutted and stood back up, putting his hands on his hips. "I am an excellent guesser of babies. Soldier boy is crazy."

Things hadn't gone as bad as I'd feared. My family, and even James, had taken the news of our rushed nuptials well. I tried to share in everyone's joy, but it seemed lacking. There was one person who couldn't celebrate with us, and it made me sad. I hoped that he could see how happy we were from wherever he was at, and in some way, it made him happy, too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We want to thank our readers, who continue to review, favorite, alert, and recommend our story. You guys are awesome. :)

You can always find us on Twitter under the names d_inspiration and shelikethesound if you want to talk about the story. We probably won't talk about future chapters, but you're more than welcome to try to get us to spill. ;)


	19. Karma Chameleon

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Thank you SO much for all the reviews and alerts. We cannot tell you how much it means to us. :) And thank you, nowforruin and sherriola, for your time and your help. We're sending you a barrel of hugs each. This chapter is for Sanaa.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19 – Karma Chameleon<strong>

EPOV

"Dude, do you realize you just managed to say _my wife_ four times in one sentence? That shouldn't even be possible. Besides, we get it. She's your wife. You're married. You got hitched. She's stuck with you forever. The concept isn't that foreign to us, although it's been six whole weeks since we went through the experience ourselves," Emmett said, rolling his eyes.

"Seven," Rose interjected.

"What?" Emmet asked, turning his head to look at her.

"It's been seven weeks since we got married," she replied, narrowing her eyes a little.

"Oh. Well, time flies when you're having fun," Emmett said, chuckling, before he turned back to look at me. "Anyway. My point is that we got it the first time you told us. And if we hadn't, I'm sure the bigass banner above the bar, the notification in the mail, the emails, the four million texts, or the ad in the newspaper would have tipped us off. Speaking of which, does James even know that he wasn't the one getting married? He acts like he doesn't know."

I grimaced. I was doing my best to avoid James these days. Whenever he saw Bella or me, he attacked us with a million new ideas for the reception. The crazy bastard even carried around a binder everywhere he went for all his shit. I was a little afraid.

"Please don't say his name out loud," I begged. "He might come running with more insane suggestions. By now he might have recovered from the tongue lashing Bella gave him when he suggested that we have a Disney themed reception. She didn't take it well when he said he wanted to dress her up as some princess in a dress that contained about half a mile of that stuff that makes dresses all poofy."

Rose snorted and then blushed, hiding her face in her hands for a moment. "What I meant to say was that Bella would kill James before he even got near her with the tulle," she said. "Did you know that for Emmett's and my wedding, James suggested a pirate theme because he thinks Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp look hot as pirates?"

"I'm not surprised," I replied. "He's presented us with a million ideas for the reception so far, and they keep getting crazier. Cruise ship, a disco theme, ice sculptures, a luau – hell, he even wanted me to wear tights for some renaissance-theme thing. Plus, with the time the planning takes, the actual reception won't be until sometime next decade."

Rose and Emmett's attempt not to laugh was interrupted by a piercing scream. I was instantly on high alert, but it didn't take me many seconds to realize that the high-pitched scream didn't come from Bella. The reception planner extraordinaire was balancing on a stool, letting out sounds that probably made more sense to dogs than to humans.

"If you don't shut up right now and tell us what's wrong, I'll get Edward to do a soldier-ninja trick or whatever that will result in your neck being broken," Bella warned after asking him three times what was wrong without receiving an answer.

My wife was fucking awesome. She wasn't the most patient person, and pregnant she was even more impatient. This was great when it was James getting chewed out, but not so much when it was my ass dragging.

"I saw a…ewwww! And it was big and…and…and…hairy!" he screeched, waving his arms around so much that he nearly fell off the stool.

"If you don't wanna see it, then stay out of my pants," Emmett hollered.

I bit my tongue so I wouldn't laugh. Rose smacked him, and Bella sent him a glare that could have marked the beginning of a new ice age. James' eyes glazed over for a second, and we all rolled our eyes. Then he started screaming again – at least until Bella punched him in the arm. _Most awesome wife ever._

"It was a mouse!" he exclaimed. "Please, please, _please, _someone kill it! It's right over there under that table. It's looking at me!"

"That's not a mouse," Rose said, getting up.

She went over to the table James had pointed at and picked up the alleged mouse. James screamed again.

"It's a rabbit foot," she said. "You know, for good luck."

James gaped before turning a bright shade of red. He muttered something while the rest of us laughed. I vowed to get him his very own rabbit foot for Christmas. Or ten.

The rest of the night was enjoyable. Not just because James was uncharacteristically quiet, but also because I loved it when Emmett and Rose were at the bar. There was a lot of wedding talk for obvious reasons. Their wedding had been great, but I didn't regret how Bella and I had done things. More importantly, I knew that she didn't regret it either. Low key, out of order – whatever. We were married, happy, and expecting a child. I was a husband, and soon I'd be a father. It was mindboggling, but at the same time I was genuinely happy. I was nervous about being good enough, but not afraid. When it came to being a husband and a father, I had the best role model I could have ever asked for in Charlie. Being a better father than my own would be easy, and I would strive to be as good as Charlie.

There was only one thing I needed to correct about the out of order way Bella and I had gone about everything. I needed to officially live with my wife. That wasn't too much to ask, right? I didn't know what she wanted, and I didn't care where we lived as long as it was together. One of our apartments would even do if it wasn't for the fact that we would run out of room as soon as the baby arrived. I had money for a house if that was what we decided. Not only had I only spent a minimal amount of money on myself every month since I'd joined the army, but I had also received a significant inheritance. My grandfather had died when I was fourteen, and the money he had left Alice and me had been invested and put away until we turned twenty-one. I hadn't spent any of it yet.

When I asked Bella about our living situation the following morning, she looked pensive. "Is it weird that I don't feel ready to leave this place yet? I mean, I know that we will need – and want – a house eventually when we get the million kids your stupid super sperm will make sure that we'll have, but right now…I don't know. Can't we stay here?"

"We both have one bedroom apartments, baby. There isn't enough room," I said, deciding not to comment on the _stupid super sperm_. "Well…unless…maybe it's possible to knock down a wall between our apartments and do some remodeling. I don't know. But we could check it out. We'll need your dad's permission, of course."

"We can ask him about it," she suggested, eagerly. "I'm sure he won't mind, and he did most of the work himself on Upstairs and Downstairs. Even if that was a long time ago, he still knows what he's talking about. And Mike can get the job. He owns his own construction company, you know. He owes me for making me go to prom with him."

"What? You went to prom with Mike Newton? I'm not sure I like that," I said.

Bella snorted. "Don't worry, I didn't like it either. For Jessica's sake, I hope he's a bit livelier now, because back then he was the most boring date in the world. He spent the whole night sitting on his ass drinking spiked punch."

"You'll get no sympathy from me, especially when the alternative is that he could have had his hands all over you the entire night."

She laughed. "You're adorable when you're jealous – even if you have absolutely no reason to be."

I wasn't sure how I felt about being _adorable_, but I supposed I could live with it. I suggested we go down to talk to Charlie about the apartments, and a few hours later everything was planned out in detail. Mike was starting the work the following day – either knowing that he owed Bella or just feeling the financial crisis and not having anything else lined up. Bella and I were going to stay with Sue and Charlie for a while. James got the offer, too, so he wouldn't be bothered by the workers and the noise, but he claimed that he wasn't going anywhere. He had gotten into his head that all construction workers were sweaty, worked without a shirt, and looked like models. I just hoped that he didn't scare them away before they'd finished the job.

Charlie and I got into a debate about who was paying for it all. I figured that since it was Bella and me who wanted the remodeling done, I should be paying, but he insisted that he should be the one to do it since it was his building. He told me to look at it as a wedding present. When I still protested, he threatened to get Sue involved in the discussion. The man played seriously dirty because no one ever got what they wanted if Sue wanted something different. And he was confident that she would side with him.

I smiled at Renee as I served her martini. I was getting good at remembering the regulars' usual drink choices, but Renee never ordered the same thing. Grabbing some empty glasses from the counter, I spotted Bella bending down to get a large box of napkins. I knew from experience that they were heavy as hell, so I instantly freaked and rushed over to her.

"No lifting," I reminded her.

She stood back up and rolled her eyes at me. "Why is it you think that I would deliberately endanger our child?"

"I don't think that," I defended myself. "But maybe you forgot? Or something…"

"Forgot that I was pregnant?" She snorted. "Right. Because between you freaking, my mom fussing, and James squealing, I have tons of time to forget. And that's not even counting the morning sickness, or the fact that I am as excited about this kid as you are. Try again, soldier boy."

"Um…" She had an annoyingly good point.

She smirked. "Yeah, I thought so. Besides, the box is empty."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." She took a step closer to me and hooked a finger in my jeans pocket. "It was adorable the first couple of times, but BC won't be here for months, so please cool it before we both go insane. The next time you see me lifting something, you can safely assume that it's not something heavy. I have absolutely no problems making all you manly men my bitches for the manual labor."

"But it's my job to worry and freak out," I objected. "You carry BC, and I freak. That's the deal. What else am I going to do?"

She giggled and shook her head. "You got that all wrong. Your job is to go out at two in the morning when I get weird cravings, to rub my feet, and to tell me I'm pretty when I look like a whale with cankles."

"Should I be taking notes?" I asked.

"Nah, I'll remind you," she assured me.

"You forgot one very important thing, though," I told her, leaning down to kiss her even though I probably shouldn't since we were working. "At all times, I need to be loving you. If I don't, then nothing matters."

"Sap," she said with a slight sniffle before reaching up on her toes to give me a kiss.

It became clear that we had taken the kiss a bit too far when James started yelling that tickets to the show cost ten bucks. Bella threw the empty box at him and disappeared into the office, leaving me alone with the diva, who felt the overwhelming need to tell me that he had taken up knitting to prepare for Baby Cullen. It was actually sweet of him, but when he told me that he was knitting pink dresses for _my son_, it stopped being sweet.

"My son won't be wearing dresses," I told him.

"No, your daughter will," he corrected me with a smirk.

"I'm not having a daughter, I'm having a son," I stated.

He narrowed his eyes. "You don't know that."

"Of course I do. I'm the father."

"Well, I'm the auntie, and I say girl."

"Boy. And you can't be the aunt. If anything, you're the uncle," I protested.

"Screw that. I'm the auntie, and I'm having a niece," he stated and crossed his arms over his chest. "Nothing you say can convince me otherwise."

"You're going to look extremely stupid with a bunch of pink clothes for a boy," I said, shrugging.

"You wanna bet?" he asked.

"You want to bet on my unborn child? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He cackled. "Too chicken to put your money where your mouth is, sweet cheeks?"

_Damn_. _I walked right into that one._

"Five hundred bucks says it's a boy," I said.

"You, butter balls, are on!"

I reluctantly shook his hand. I did believe that Bella and I were having a boy, although I had no idea why I thought so. Betting on it was a different matter, though. I'd have to buy Bella something nice with the money when I won. Buttering her up wouldn't hurt. That thought sent my mind right into the gutter, and I didn't come back up until I'd walked into the counter, whiskey bottle first, and broken the bottle. I was still holding the neck, and the shards tore into my hand.

"Fucking hell!" I swore, dropping it and reaching for a dishtowel. In the process, I twisted my knee because I'd stepped on the broken glass that slid across the floor under my foot. "Goddamn!"

I grabbed onto the counter with my uninjured hand and righted myself. When I put weight on my leg, my knee protested loudly, but I did my best to ignore it until I'd at least gotten hold of the dish towel for my hand. Blood was already dripping on the floor, and it was causing my mind to drift back to a certain day in April when I had last seen blood being spilled.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Are you okay?" James yelled, rushing over. Then he spotted the blood and turned pale. "Oh no. I'm not very good with blood…gah, the smell…Bellaaaaaaaa! SOS! Mayday, mayday!"

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my hand in the towel. Leaning against the counter so I didn't have to put any weight on my bad leg, I sighed. From the very first night at the bar I had expected accidents, but I'd thought I was past my clumsy phase. Limping over to get the broom, I started to sweep the glass up. I'd have to mop up the whiskey afterward.

Before I could get very far, Bella came out from the office. Her eyes widened when she saw James sitting on a chair with his head between his legs and me sweeping up glass. I just smiled sheepishly at her.

"What the hell are you two doing?" she asked.

"Blood and…ugh," James muttered.

"Blood?" she asked, zeroing in on my hand.

"I accidentally broke a bottle against the counter and cut myself," I explained. "The brave diva isn't very good with blood."

"Mister ass squeeze also hurt his leg," James tattled on me, still doing breathing exercises that would make any Lamaze coach proud. "And please, for the love of gorgeous men everywhere, get the blood cleaned up. I'm dying here!"

"Why don't you go outside, James?" Bella suggested.

She then made me sit down while she inspected my hand and reached for the first aid kit under the counter. "I can't leave you alone for two seconds, can I? What happened to your leg?"

"I twisted my knee when I stepped on the slippery glass. It's nothing a little Tylenol won't fix. It hurt the same way back when I used to spend most of my days driving around," I replied. "Listen, you really don't have to do this. I can take care of it."

She looked up, surprised. "What makes you think that I don't want to take care of you? You're not the Lone Ranger anymore – you're a husband. _My_ husband. So sit still while I clean up this cut."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, feeling the need to pinch myself even though the pain in my hand and knee clearly told me that I wasn't dreaming or imagining the wonderful woman wearing my ring. She was right. I wasn't alone anymore, but the sight of blood had taken me back to a time where I had been – if not alone, then at least without people in my life who cared.

"And sorry," I added, flinching as she cleaned the cut. "I just had a little flashback when I saw the blood."

The look she sent me told me that she understood, and she didn't ask me to elaborate. She just bandaged my hand ad sealed it with a kiss. _Much better_.

"Are you sure your knee is going to be okay? James can close up so I can take you to the ER to get it looked at," she fretted.

"I'm fine. Promise," I replied. "Thanks for taking such good care of me."

She didn't look convinced. "You're staying on your ass until I can take you home."

"No way. I'm cleaning this shit up. Go back to whatever you were doing. James will be back in to help me with the last customers."

Bella laughed and patted my cheek. "Not happening. I can pull the boss card, the wife card, and the emotional pregnant woman card, so don't think you're winning. You're a bright boy – you know you won't stand a chance anyway."

"Yeah, yeah. You've got more cards than I do, but I'm still stronger," I said. "I'm helping you."

She frowned. "Figures I'd marry someone as stubborn as myself."

Chuckling, I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. Just thinking about my marriage or someone mentioning it did funny things to my insides. I was very much in awe of the fact that the kindest, sexiest, most beautiful, and most inspiring woman in the world was my wife.

I finished sweeping the floor and threw away the broken glass. Bella mopped up the whiskey while I tried to look like my knee wasn't killing me with each step I took. James came in after a while looking less pale than he had before.

"Is the blood gone?" he asked.

"Yes," Bella replied. "Wimp."

"I am not – take that back!" he objected. "It's not my fault you can't smell it."

The pretty firecracker and I might not have been together long, but we did have the coordinated eye roll down pretty well. It seemed to come naturally with James around.

Eventually, Bella went back to the office, and I started tidying up as closing time was approaching. It had been an extremely slow night, and I was looking forward to getting out of there.

"Why are you hiding the fact that your knee is bothering you?" James asked as soon as Bella was gone.

"It's not a big deal," I replied and swallowed two Tylenol with a sip of water to prove myself wrong. I didn't like to make a huge issue out of something I couldn't change anyway – the pain was there every day whether I complained about it or not.

"Whatever you say, _hero_, but when Bella finds out that you're downplaying it, she'll have your ass," he said. "Which is so not fair because _I_ want your ass, too."

I cringed, but did my best to ignore his last comment. "Seriously, my knee isn't worse now than it is every morning. So while I appreciate the concern, it's all fine."

"Muffin cup, you need to learn to fear your wife," he said, snickering. "Isn't that what all good husbands do?"

"Dude, the day I start taking marital advice from you is the day I chop off my left ear and join a marching band," I told him.

"I'll be there to take pictures," he promised me in turn.

Just as I was convinced that the night would never end, closing time rolled around. James went upstairs after we'd finished cleaning up, and I went into the office to see if Bella was ready to head over to her parents.

I found her asleep at the desk. Again. I really needed to have a talk with Charlie about her working so late. Maybe between the two of us, we could make her see reason. Or better yet – we could make Sue see our point and let her deal with Bella. Sue was awesome that way. If they sent her to Afghanistan, there'd be peace in a week.

I put on my jacket and pulled Bella's around her shoulders. I grabbed her bag, and ignoring my protesting knee, I picked her up. Turning off the lights on my way, I carried her outside to the car. Opening the door was difficult, but I managed without waking up my sleeping beauty. When I'd stealthily secured the seatbelt around her, I went back to lock up the bar.

I managed to drive almost all the way to Sue and Charlie's house without waking Bella up. Unfortunately, then one of the town's few police cruisers just had to blaze right by us on the way toward La Push with the siren wailing.

"Damn. Are you part ninja?" Bella asked, blinking her eyes fully open.

I chuckled. "No. You must have been really tired."

"I guess so," she said, yawning. "Did you lock up?"

"No, I thought I'd leave the door open if anyone got thirsty during the night," I replied. "That's why I also left the light on and the cash register open. That way people can just throw in money for the drinks they make themselves."

"Smartass," she muttered, sleepily.

"That's what you get for falling asleep at work. See what I'm saying about you working there?" I asked. "I really think you should conside-"

"Ahem," she interrupted. "Who was it that got hurt tonight? Remind me, please?"

I sighed as I turned into the driveway. Sue had left the porch light on for us, which made me love her even more. "I blame you for that, you know," I told Bella.

"Me?" she asked, choking on a laugh as she untangled herself from the seatbelt. "How is your clumsiness my fault?"

"Because I was busy thinking about _buttering_ you up," I replied, chuckling, and exited the car before she say anything.

When I came around to open the passenger door, she was smirking at me. "Blame me all you want, butter boy, but do you know what I call it?"

"Enlighten me," I said with a smirk, offering her my hand as she got out of the car.

"Karma, my dear husband. You've been bugging me about quitting the bar since I told you I was pregnant, and now the universe replied to you," she said. "Not happening. It doesn't hurt anyone if I take a nap in the office once in a while. Besides, who's going to clean your cuts the next time you go all butter mind on us? James is just going to faint, you know."

"We'll resume this conversation once I've either come up with some solid points or made your mom help me convince you," I told her.

"You fight dirty. You're lucky I love you."

"So true," I agreed, grinning.

Thanksgiving rolled around while we were staying with Sue and Charlie. Upstairs and Downstairs were both closed, and Sue had taken Bella hostage in the kitchen where they were cooking up a storm. It was still early in the day, and I was shuffling around without anything to do. Charlie had shut himself in his office doing God knew what, and everyone else wasn't set to arrive until later.

I sat down in a large, comfortable chair in the living room and looked out at the rain beating against the patio. A year ago, I had been looking at the dust. And choking in it…getting it in my eyes…cursing it to the fiery pits of hell… And I'd been with Jake, no doubt bitching about the turkey slobber we'd been served or something like that. It seemed like forever ago.

Fishing out my phone from my pocket, I loaded my inbox and looked at the still unopened last email from him. I sighed. Usually when I looked at the email and considered opening it, I ended up opening and replying to one of the other emails from my former squad members, but I'd run out. They had all been read and replied to, and now only Jake's remained.

I put down the phone on the arm rest and looked out at rain again. Opening that email had turned into one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. I didn't know why – the subject line indicated that it was a forwarded email with jokes. In all probability, Jake had not written a single word in the email himself. Yet, it was still the last thing he would ever tell me, and it felt like another goodbye when he had no more words for me. I didn't want anymore goodbyes – especially not when I still had one I needed to say at the cemetery.

"I'm a goddamn coward," I muttered, picking up the phone again and opening the email. After a deep breath, I looked at the screen. Scrolling through jokes that would have made me laugh if Jake had been the one to tell them, I smiled sadly. It felt anti-climatic until I reached the end of the email.

There was a P.S.

_P.S. _

_I'm going to ask you this in an email so you'll feel compelled to reply the same way, and then I'll have your reply in writing. That means no backing out! I'd like you to come with me to Forks when this tour ends. I know you probably want to continue battling the dust, the enemies, and the stuff they claim is food over here, but life's got more to offer you, Rusty. Imagine a place where there is no dust. The air smells so clean that it will make you forget that dust and deserts even exist. Imagine friendly faces, good friends, awesome coleslaw, and a place to call home. I know that everyone back home would love to meet you after hearing about you for so long. Screw the Army – friends don't leave friends behind, and that's what I'd be doing by going home without dragging you with me. I'll say please if I have to. Hell, I'll even blackmail you with the sausage slingshot incident. So you better reply, and you better say yes. My mom makes the drill sergeant back in basic training look like a fluffy kitten, and I'm not afraid to sic her on your ass. I'll be waiting for your email, so get typing. _

I choked on a laugh – or a sob. At that point I wasn't even sure. I was overwhelmed that I had unknowingly ended up doing exactly what he had asked me to. At the same time, I was also sad because he was supposed to be there, too…eating coleslaw and pulling pranks on James. Making his family happy with his mere presence and tending the bar like he had wanted to. Living and loving. Fulfilling his dreams.

_Fuck you, fate._

It was Thanksgiving, and I was thankful for so many things – Bella, our baby, my new friends and family, the fact that I was alive, and that I was happier than I had been in a really long time. But I was also extremely bitter – sometimes it made me every bit as blind as my love for the pretty firecracker. It seemed very unfair that someone as bright and happy as Jake only got such a short time on earth.

"Edward?" I heard Bella call out from somewhere.

I found her in the dining room clutching a plate while she looked at the table with a frown.

"What's up, baby? Need a hand setting the table?"

She shook her head and looked up at me with shiny eyes. "I thought I could get through today without bawling my eyes out, but I don't know whether or not to put out a plate setting for Jake. We used to do it every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas because he came home one year for Thanksgiving unexpectedly and joked about not being welcome because the table wasn't set for him. I don't know what will make everyone more sad – that the plate is there or that it isn't there."

I took the plate from her and put it on the table. Drawing her into a tight hug, I offered her what little strength I had left after reading the email.

"We'll all be sad when we remember Jake – plate or no plate," I said. "If the world was fair, he would be here, but we can still be thankful for him even if he's not. And I think he's here in spirit. Where else would he be when there's food being cooked in the kitchen?"

Bella sniffled into my shirt, and I could feel her nod. Never letting her go, I pulled out a chair and sat down with her in my lap. Then I found my phone and showed her the email. She clutched the phone in both hands while she read it, biting her lip the whole time.

"I thought he didn't get to…" she whispered and turned her head to look at me. "He wrote to me…oh God. Remember when I first asked you about Rusty, not knowing it was you?"

I nodded. That had not been one of my finest moments.

"I'd just re-read the last letter he ever sent to me," she said. "He asked me how he should approach you to ask you to quit the Army and come with him to Forks. I can show you the letter. But he was convinced that you would be happier in Forks than if you stayed in the Army."

"He was right," I said softly. "So fucking right."

She ran her fingers through my hair and smiled. "You know, I don't know if he would have tried to get us together, or if he would have been hung up on some _my best friend can't date my little sister_ crap, but in a way it feels like he did set us up."

"Are you saying that we were meant to be?" I asked, smirking.

"No, that's way too sappy," she replied. "But if it wasn't, then I would be saying it."

I chuckled and kissed her. She was a riot, and I kind of wished I knew how to let her know exactly how much I loved her.

After a very much unscheduled make-out session, Bella got back to setting the table while she ordered me around. She ended up not adding a plate setting for Jake, which I thought was a good choice. Before we had a chance to wallow in gloomy thoughts, the house was invaded by a bunch of loud and happy people. James came in carrying the biggest bouquet of roses I had ever seen, intent on buttering up Sue for some reason. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the reason, because I was afraid that it might have something to do with either the reception or the baby. And I was certain that I was not going to like it – whatever it was.

Rose and Emmett came in next – one of them more elegantly than the other. Rose took a dive over the doorstep and got a nosebleed. James made the mistake of laughing, which made Emmett put him in a chokehold and Sue threaten to donate his entire wardrobe to charity.

Grandpa Billy was also there, demanding that _the boy got him a beer_. The boy turned out to be Charlie, who dutifully got him a bottled Heineken before sitting down to watch the game. Harry and his wife, along with Seth and Leah, were the last to arrive. Leah was moping because she'd had a fight with Jasper or something, and I decided not to ask about it after she almost bit Bella's head off.

The food was awesome as always when Sue was cooking, and the company was every bit as good. Everyone told stories – not for my benefit, it seemed, but more of the _remember when_ kind. Even Leah cheered up when she realized that she had an audience for stories about Bella and Seth's misadventures. Sue asked about my previous Thanksgivings, and when I just said that they'd sucked compared to this one, no one probed any further.

Bella squeezed my hand under the table, and I realized that for the first time in my life, I was truly thankful – thankful for Bella and our baby, thankful for my new family, thankful for my life, and thankful that I had had the most awesome best friend in the world. He might have been physically gone for months, but that night especially, he was present in spirit.

Smiling at my pretty firecracker, I only allowed myself to think about my parents and sister for a brief moment. All I felt was pity. They thought they had it all with their money, reputation, and fancy jobs. In reality, they didn't have anything.

And I did. I had it all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading. See you next time.


	20. Mom's Apple Pie

**Disclaimer:** We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Thank you to sherriola for being an amazing prereader and to nowforruin for being an amazing beta. And thank you to everyone who reads, alerts, and reviews - you're amazing, too. We hope you enjoy the chapter! :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

**Mom's Apple Pie**

**BPOV**

"No." I crossed my arms and glared.

"But why not? You have an extra room that's going to sit empty anyway." James mirrored my stance.

"No."

"Come on, Indian princess." His lips pulled into a pout. "It would be so much fun. We could have slumber parties, movie marathons, and I'll even give the Greek God a break from having to run out for your midnight cravings. Baby Cullen deserves whatever she desires, and since I'm the best Auntie in the world, I'll make sure she gets it."

I sighed. "James…don't you have your own apartment?"

"Please?"

"You know what? If you can talk Edward into letting you live here, then I don't care."

James squealed, clapping his hands.

"Where is that delicious piece of man meat?" he asked, darting his eyes around the room. "Oh, Cuddle Bug!"

James left out the front door in search of my husband. I knew when the Diva caught up with Edward, he was going to be pissed. Oh, well. It served him right. In his quest to drive me insane, he'd insisted I only unpack the boxes with lightweight items. He was taking the _pregnant women can't lift anything heavy _ideaa bit too far. I was pregnant, not an invalid. Having James bug him about living with us was my payback for him being an ass.

Mike had really done a great job with the renovation, and he was quick, too. Instead of two identical one bedroom apartments with a living room, bathroom, and kitchen each, he'd transformed them into a large three bedroom with an open floor plan. There were also two bathrooms—one in between the two smaller bedrooms and one in the master bedroom. I smiled, loving how the place had turned out.

I reached down and rubbed my stomach. Since Edward and I had told my family we were expecting, I had started to get excited about his or her arrival. It was hard not to with the way the family seemed to burst with joy every time I saw them. I was going to be someone's mother, and that thought terrified and thrilled me at the same time.

I had extremely large shoes to fill. Growing up, I had the best mother any child could ever have. She was always there when Jake or I needed her, and neither of us ever questioned her love for us. It radiated off of her. My mother had taught me everything I needed to know about how to be a wonderful mother by example. I was afraid, though, with me being me…I'd screw it up somehow.

Edward didn't seem to share my fear. He'd had a set of crappy parents, and to make up for his lack of knowledge of fatherhood, he had begun to ask advice from my dad about how to be a good father. It was cute and made me love the man even more. Because he was willing to go against his manly pride to become the kind of father our child needed. He also started reading all the books I'd bought in Port Angeles and had even bought a few for himself. He said it was so he could learn everything there was to know about pregnancy. No woman was luckier than I in the husband department, and I tried to be understanding of his misplaced protectiveness.

_Well, that is until Edward starts making me nuts. Like today…for example. Oh, I hope James is being his usual over-the-top self. _

"Go home," I heard Edward say.

"But, sweet cheeks, you won't even know I'm here most of the time." I watched as James followed Edward into the room.

"I highly doubt it. Besides, I'm still scarred from seeing you naked the last time. I don't need you 'airing out your junk' in my home," he said, using air quotes.

"Well." James bit his lip. "You do win the _who is bigger_ game, but I'm sure you'd be screaming my name if you gave me a chance."

Edward covered his ears and began singing, "La la la la la!"

"Knock it off, you Chihuahua." I shook my head, having had enough. "In case the bun in my oven wasn't obvious, he's quite partial to the pussy. There was never a contest James…you lose by default."

I looked over at Edward, and his mouth was hanging open.

"What?" I looked at him and shrugged.

"Not if you were the last human alive, James," he said with a shudder.

"You know, if you spent less time flirting with each other, and more time moving boxes, we'd be finished by now." I pointed at the two of them.

"Well, if my wife hadn't told Chatty Cathy she was okay with him moving in if I said yes, I wouldn't have to keep stopping to tell him no. Instead, I'm about to bury our neighbor deep in the woods. So, the constant breaks, my dear, are your fault." Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

"Oh, get over it. I could be carrying boxes, too, but I'm apparently crippled. So suck it up."

Edward walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His sexy soldier voodoo made it hard to stay mad at him…and believe me, I tried. He kissed me on the nose and then left the room. Ugh. I was powerless to his charms.

Between James and Edward, they were able to move most of our things into the apartment that morning. There were only a couple of items we needed to get from Mom and Dad's, and then we were officially moved in. I was ready to live with Edward, even if he acted like an idiot at times.

~.~.~.~

Jessica and Rose were laughing so hard, they were about to fall off out of the booth. Leah, who was sitting next to me, had buried her face into the table, shaking with mirth. I'd shared the story about telling James he could move in if Edward said yes, and they were enjoying his reaction. We were having lunch at Upstairs, and it was nice to spend time with the women I considered my closest friends. It didn't hurt we were having fun while we trashed our men and retold all of the stupid things they had done.

"Oh god, Bella. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. I would have loved to have seen Edward's face when James said that." Jessica had tears streaming down her face, she was laughing so hard.

"It was priceless." I giggled. "Besides, Mom taught me that all is fair in love and war. And payback's a bitch."

"I love your mom." Rose sighed, clutching her stomach. "I need to get some pointers on how to deal with Emmett."

"What has the giant ape done this time?" Leah asked, still recovering from my story.

"I feel like a bitch for letting it get to me, but I can't take much more. He won't…um…clean up after himself," Rose whispered, cupping her hand over the side of her face.

Leah, Jessica, and I leaned in closer.

"What do you mean he won't clean up? Is he using the floor as his laundry basket and leaving his dirty dishes in the sink?" Jessica cocked her head to the side.

"Oh no, it's nothing like that. I could handle some socks lying around and dirty plates. No, he…um…uh…has a problem with his aim." Rose's cheeks flamed a bright scarlet.

"Ouch." I winced, shifting in my seat. "I'd kill Edward if he missed my hole, if you know what I mean."

Rose covered her face. "No, I mean when he pees, not everything goes into the toilet."

The three of us laughed hard as Rose's face became a lovely shade of fuchsia. I heard a throat clear, and we turned our head toward the noise. My mother was standing in front of our table.

"Oh, that's easy. Just tell him until his aim in the bathroom improves, you're cutting him off. I promise, he'll either figure it out quickly, or he'll start wiping it up himself. You gotta train them early, otherwise, you'll be bald by the time you're my age." A teasing smile graced Mom's lips.

"Okay, Aunt of mine, maybe you can help me out." Leah looked down. "I think I'm in love with Jasper, but when I told him, he freaked out. What do I do about that?"

I was a little shocked by Leah's confession and wondered if that was what had upset her at Thanksgiving. She had been hostile to everyone and even more so toward Edward. I could understand her ire, since my husband was Jasper's friend…or had been at one time.

Sue motioned for Jess and Rose to scoot over and sat down next to Leah. She grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Oh, honey. That's awful. Tell me what happened." Mom rubbed Leah's hand.

Leah began telling us how he'd taken her to Seattle to spend a couple of days together. They'd had a wonderful time, and Leah said she'd never felt so loved. So, going with the enchantment of what she had called "the perfect moment," she told him how she felt. Jasper had flipped out and began telling her she was wrong; there was no way she could love him. Leah ended up leaving Seattle with her heart broken.

"That bastard!" I smacked the table with my palm. "I'll have his balls for hurting you."

"I don't know Jasper that well, but from what I've heard so far, you're better off without him," Jessica said in a soothing voice.

"I'm with Bella." Rose nodded. "I knew he was bad news."

"I love you guys, but I don't think it'd help anything. I guess I'm just unlovable." Leah hung her head.

"Oh hell no. You are one of the coolest chicks I know. Maybe we should make a trip to Seattle." Jessica patted Leah's shoulder.

"Men are pond scum," I said, and the girls nodded their heads.

A squeaking sound made us turn toward the left. Standing off to the side was my husband, looking like he wanted to escape. If I wasn't so pissed off at his former friend, I would have found him cute.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Edward's voice cracked.

"What?" Leah furrowed her brow.

"I was coming to see if Bella was ready for her doctor's appointment…but never mind. I'm sure we can reschedule. Or something." He spoke so fast, I almost didn't catch what he'd said.

I huffed. "Ugh. It's all your fault I have to go. You and your stupid super sperm got me into this mess."

"I love you?" It came out as a question.

Just as Jessica was about to lay into Edward, Mom raised her hand, stopping my friend's tirade.

"Girls." Sue shook her head at us. "Leave the poor boy alone. He's not the reason you're mad, and besides, Rusty's one of the good guys. Aren't you, dear?"

"Yes, ma'am." Edward's head moved up and down quickly.

Sue glared at him, and he cleared his throat.

"Um…I mean Mom." He gave her a wide grin.

"That's better," Mom said, smiling. "Like I said, train them early, and you'll have no problems later on."

We chuckled while Edward had a perplexed look on his face. Silly boy. He wasn't aware that his training had already begun.

"Let's let Bella and Edward get to their appointment…and Leah," she said, pointing to my cousin. "Come with me, dear. We have some things to discuss."

I left the table and went over to Edward, taking his hand and walking out the door. He followed behind me until we reached his car. I swatted his hands away when he tried to help me in, and he sighed, getting in and staring the car. He didn't try to talk again until we were almost to the doctor's office.

"Um, what was that back there?" Edward kept his eyes in front of him.

"Jasper's an ass." The words came out in a hiss.

"I knew that. What did he do to incur your wrath this time?"

"Did you know he had Leah come up to Seattle, gave her a spectacular weekend, and then flipped out when she told him she loved him? Ugh." I flopped back in the seat.

I watched as he narrowed his eyes. "I thought they were getting along okay."

"Yeah, so did I. Then Leah tells me your friend…ex-friend…damn it. You know what I mean—gives her crap about it. You're a guy. So tell me…why are you all stupid?"

Edward cleared his throat and pouted. "I thought I was doing pretty well."

I patted in hand. "You're getting there."

He laughed, and the sound made my heart flutter. I loved to hear my husband happy. It made me feel like I could help him deal with the things his family had done to him. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be the shoulder to cry on, the secret keeper, and the warm embrace my significant other needed. That fact scared me, because I wasn't sure if I was good enough to do it. I'd decided I was going to try, anyway, and be the best wife for the man who had come into my life and turned everything upside down. He was responsible for changing me from a bitter harpy to someone who was willing to love without fear.

~.~.~.~

"Miss Swan?"

"Um, here," I answered the nurse.

I stood up to follow her through the door leading to the exam rooms, and Edward was next to me. He held my hand as we passed the threshold with a scowl on his face. My brow furrowed in confusion, wondering what had upset him. Since he'd found out about the appointment, he'd been nothing but excited to go with me. The way he was acting at the moment made me question whether or not he'd changed his mind about BC, and that thought scared me.

"All right. Let's check your weight." The blonde nurse waved toward the scales.

She asked question after question as she weighed me and then led us to a room. I tried to answer them as best I could, while Edward sat down in one of the chairs by the table with the same expression on his face. His behavior was beginning to piss me off.

"What's your problem?" I asked once the nurse left the room. "If I remember correctly, you wanted this just as much as I did. Are you having second thoughts?"

Edward's head snapped toward mine, and I steeled myself for his answer. I knew if he regretted our child, it was going to break me. I would be strong, because BC deserved one of his or her parents' love, and I was going to do everything in my power to provide it.

"What? No!" Edward shot up out of the chair.

"Then what the hell?" I glared at him. "Since we've been back here, you've acted like someone killed your pet hamster or something."

"They called you 'Miss Swan' and that's not your name anymore. You're a Cullen now, and they should use your married name." He walked over and stood in front of me.

"Are you kidding me?" I backhanded him, hitting his chest. "You have me all worried you're going to flake on me, and you're freaking out over a name?"

"So, are you telling me you're going to go by Swan, then?" he asked with a pout, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Um, no, jackass. It's my first appointment, and when I made it, my last name _was_ Swan. I haven't had a chance to change it." I pecked his lips.

"Oh." He pulled back and looked ashamed.

I lay back, closing my eyes. There were too many witnesses in the doctor's office, so I couldn't kill my husband just yet. We really needed to work on the communication thing, or I was going to end up a widow. Not to mention, BC would end up fatherless.

The doctor chose that moment to walk in, and Edward took a couple of steps back. Dr. Richardson was a statuesque woman who looked to be in her forties. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled up into a bun on top of her head, and under her white coat, she had on some type of suit. She had an air of confidence about her, and I liked her immediately. Truthfully, I was glad the doctor I'd been set up with was a woman. The men in my life were idiots, and I didn't need another moron in charge of my child's care in the womb.

"So, this is your first appointment?" Dr. Richardson peered at me over my file. "Now, we usually take a urine sample, do an internal exam, and then perform a sonogram. There's a restroom at the end of this hall, and if you'll go ahead and give us a sample, we can get started on the rest. The sterile cups are already in there, and you can place it in the metal door located inside."

_Oh, goodie. I get to do this again. Ugh. _

The same nurse met me in the hall after I left the room. She gave me the same instructions before I entered, making me feel like they thought I was mentally challenged.

_I amend my statement about women. Apparently everyone in this world is stupid but me. It's going to be a long nine months_.

Once I was finished, I went back to the room and hopped on the table. Edward still sat in his chair, but he was fidgeting. I looked over at him, raising my eyebrow.

"Do you want me to stay? I mean…I can leave if you aren't comfortable with me being in here." He slid to the edge of the chair.

_My silly soldier man. Like I'm going to let you leave_.

"Of course I want you in here," I said with a smile.

He let out a breath and grinned as the nurse came back in, telling me I had to put on a gown. I knew it was coming, but Edward looked confused. She left to let me change.

"Um," Edward stared, turning red in the face and rubbing the back of his neck.

I chuckled as I began to undress. "It's okay. You can turn around if you want."

He rolled his eyes. "Want some help?"

"Please tell me you're kidding." I slid my arms through the gown's sleeves. "We're in a doctor's office, and the doc is about to check out my hooha. Now is not the time for you to seduce me."

"Admit it. It would have been fun," Edward said with a wink.

"You're impossible." I sighed and leaned back.

I covered my lower half with one of those paper sheets and ignored Edward. A few minutes later, Kate, my doctor, came back in. She still had a perma grin on her face as she looked at us and saw Edward had decided to stand next to me and hold my hand.

The internal exam was just as I expected. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Even more so because when she began inserting things into me, Edward looked like he wanted to punch the doc. I had to calm him down by telling him I was okay. Dr. Kate just laughed and told him he wasn't the first Daddy to threaten her life when she performed the procedure. I, on the other hand, wanted to crawl into a hole and die when he gave her a dirty look.

She brought over a machine on wheels when she was finished poking my insides. It had a strange wand thing attached to it. The doctor explained it had to be inserted to do the sonogram since I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy.

"Of course it does." Edward glared at the transducer. "You people just like sticking things up my wife."

I was sure he hadn't meant for me to hear those words, but I choked when I did. Looking over at Edward, I begged him with my eyes to behave. I could see he was trying to control the urge to take out the staff. It was nice to know he was protective of me and BC, but his caveman mentality was going to get him sent to prison. Conjugal visits didn't appeal to me, so I began rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand, hoping the action would help calm him. He really needed to chill the fuck out.

Edward had his eyes on me as the doctor prepared the wand, covering it in goo. His gaze never left mine as she pushed it in, but when I winced at one point, his lips pressed into a firm line, showing his displeasure toward my discomfort.

While one of the doc's hands held onto the wand, the other began fiddling with the sonogram machine. A loud, whooshing sound filled the room. It got both Edward's and my attention, causing us to look at Dr. Kate. She chuckled.

"That sound would be your baby. The heartbeat is strong and healthy, which is good."

Tears gathered in my eyes, and I was overcome with emotion. I looked up at Edward, seeing he was overwhelmed, as well. For the first time since I'd found out I was pregnant, it became real. I'd thought I loved the creature that had taken up residence in my uterus before, but I was wrong. At that moment, the love I had for BC was incomprehensible.

"If you look right there," Dr. Richardson said, pointing to a small, peanut shaped blob on the screen. "You can see your baby."

Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For loving me, marrying me, giving me a child, and making me the happiest man alive," he muttered into my hair.

And just like that, all of the irritation I'd felt toward Edward earlier vanished. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was being that sweet.

"I had help, you know," I joked.

He chuckled.

"Everything looks good," the doctor said, removing the wand. "From the measurements I've taken, I'd say you're about eight weeks along. Congratulations, you two."

~.~.~.~

We left the office not long after, stopping on the way out to make an appointment for next month and change my name. Edward was fucking beaming when I did it, and even though I'd given him a hard time about it, it made me happy, too.

"You know we have to give one of these to Mom," I said as we drove back toward our apartment.

Edward looked over at me. "Of course. I wouldn't want to deprive your mother of the first picture of her grandchild."

I laughed. I was glad the doc was smart enough to give me more than one sonogram picture. My mother was going to demand one of them, because she had been waiting for a grandchild a long time. Since it had finally happened, she was going to be over the top about it.

"Smart move." I smiled at him. "She wouldn't think twice about kicking your ass to get it."

He laughed loudly.

We arrived at our home, and Edward helped me get out of the car. It was a few hours before our shift at the bar started, so we decided to lounge around until then. There hadn't been many chances for us to spend time together alone, and we were going to take full advantage of the opportunity.

Edward and I sat down on the couch, and I put my feet on his lap. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we looked down at the sonogram pictures spread out on my thighs.

"BC is so tiny," Edward ran his finger over the small image of our baby.

"I know."

"I'm going to fuck this up," Edward admitted, leaning back and running his hand over his face. I moved the pictures to the coffee table in front of us and turned toward my husband.

"What?" I was confused by the change in his mood.

"I have no idea how to be a good father. Your dad has been giving me advice, but I didn't have the best example growing up. Not to mention, it's their blood running through my veins. I'm not going to be able to escape my crappy genes." Edward let out a frustrated growl and placed his head in his hands.

"Edward?" I shook his shoulder.

"And I've never been around babies. Newborns scare the hell out of me. They're so fragile, and I'll probably break him or her." Edward lifted his head and stared at me.

_Shit_.

He was right. Newborns were very fragile; I'd never been around one either. My experience with babies was nonexistent, and I had no idea how to care for one. Didn't people say that most books about child rearing were nothing but crap? I started to hyperventilate.

Oh god, it wasn't going to be Edward who was going to screw up our kid. Its incompetent mother was going to drop them or something. I just knew it.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, noticing my panic attack.

"We _are_ going to mess up our kid." My voice rose with each word. "I mean…you're right. We have no experience, and even if he or she makes it out alive despite our incompetence, there are therapy bills we will be looking at. We haven't exactly surrounded ourselves with the sanest people on the planet."

"Bella—" Edward's eyes went wide.

"Oh God, Edward!" I cried, gripping his arm. "BC will grow up to hate us."

"Fuck," Edward muttered, running his hand through his hair.

I was sobbing and picturing how fucked up our lives would be.

"Bella, I'm sorry for upsetting you. I'm completely stupid and was just voicing my fears. We're going to be fine, and you'll be a wonderful mother."

I cried harder.

"Please don't cry, baby. It kills me when I see your tears. Tell me how to make it better," Edward said in a panicked voice. "You can hit me if it'll make you stop. In fact, I want you to punch me for making you cry."

"I don't want to hurt you." I let out a loud wail.

I flopped myself onto his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. He began rubbing my back in an up and down motion while speaking words of encouragement. They didn't help, though.

A knock on the door made Edward pause his movements.

"Let me go get rid of whoever it is," Edward whispered, releasing me.

I let him go and curled up on the couch, continuing to cry. I didn't know why I was so upset over Edward's confession, but I was. In a way, I was sure it was because he had voiced the fears I'd tried very hard to ignore. I had focused on the pregnancy part, not focusing on the fact a person I was going to have to care for would be the end result.

"What's going on?" my mother asked, concern clear in her voice.

"I, um, shit," Edward stammered, looking at my mother with pleading eyes.

"I'm going to be a horrible mother!" I sobbed even harder.

Mom walked over and sat down beside me, gathering me in her arms. Edward took the opposite side and placed his hand on my back. She rocked and shushed me until I composed myself.

"Will someone please explain why my baby girl is all upset?" Mom looked over at Edward with concern on her face.

"Um, well, I might have said something about how I thought I'd screw our kid up." Edward winced. "Then she started crying."

Mom blew out a breath and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me closer.

"Charlie needs some help with counting the inventory. Maybe you should go help him." she asked, smiling at Edward as she rubbed my back.

"Yes, Mom." Edward had his mouth opened wide.

Edward pressed his lips to the back of my head and then headed out the door.

"There. There. Every mother worries about not being good enough." She smoothed my hair back. "But you're going to be fine."

"But—"

She sighed. "I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone. I hope that by hearing my mistakes it'll show you no one is perfect, but that doesn't mean you're a horrible person."

I leaned away from her embrace, waiting for her to continue.

"The first week after Jake was born was so stressful. I was so tired, and your dad was practically killing himself by managing the diner and bar, while trying to help me out with your brother. It got so bad, I had to put my foot down. I told him we'd be fine, and he needed to sleep at night, instead of getting up with him every time he cried.

"One night, after your father finally gave up and listened to me, I heard Jake and knew it was time to feed him. I went downstairs and fixed him a bottle. Bella, I was exhausted. I didn't realized I'd put orange juice in the bottle, until I almost gave it to him. I felt so horrible, and I cried for days over it. Of course, Charlie never knew what had happened, because I never told him. I just ran back downstairs after I saw what I'd done and made a new one. My point is, Bella, even the best of us muck things up. You just have to learn from your mistakes and keep going."

Hearing my mother's story did make me feel better. I had always pictured her as the perfect example of what a mom should be, and realizing she wasn't helped me see I didn't need to be that way either.

"Thanks, Mom. That does make me feel better." I wiped my cheeks.

"I'm glad. However, you ever tell your father I'm not perfect…" she said with a laugh, letting the sentence trail off.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." I chuckled.

"Besides, do you really think I'll let you mess up my grandchild?"

"No, I don't think you will." I sighed.

"I think I'm gonna go check on Edward and your father. I love that boy, but he's about as smooth as Charlie sometimes. I know he means well…he just needs to learn how to not put his foot in his mouth all the time."

I nodded my head.

"Come on. Let's go see what they're up to. He's probably mentally flogging himself for upsetting you if he's anything like your father."

"Well, I don't think I could have done any better than finding a man like Daddy."

Mom smiled at me. "Yep, even though that man drives me nuts, he's one of the best men I know."

And she was right. Edward, at times, reminded me of my dad in a small way. He was the type of guy who would do anything for his family. I decided BC would be hard pressed to find a better father than Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading and for sticking with us. We'll see you next time!


	21. Fishbone

**Disclaimer:** We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** We have smooches and thank yous to Sherriola and nowforruin. They are beyond amazing! Also, thank you for every wonderful review we've received. Rusty hugs to all of you! Sorry about this update being so late - you can blame DivineInspiration for that.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21 – Fishbone<strong>

**EPOV**

Pretty firecracker tears were quickly becoming my least favorite thing in the world. I trudged down the stairs while I mentally berated myself for my timing when it came to voicing my insecurities to a very emotional Bella. I wasn't confident that I knew how to be a good father, but I had four things in my favor. One, I knew how to avoid being craptastic like my own dad; two, BC was going to have the most amazing mom in the world no matter what Bella said; three, BC was a tough kid – he'd beaten the condom, after all; and four, Sue wanted grandkids so much that she would never let me ruin BC completely. She would throw me out on my ass and shoot me with one of Charlie's rifles if I messed up too much. BC was damn lucky.

And so was I. No matter how terrified the thought of becoming a parent made me, it also made me smile like an idiot when I thought about BC growing inside of Bella. We'd done the math, and it seemed that our disastrous first time had resulted in more than just embarrassment, disappointment, and misunderstandings. I had a feeling Bella was never going to let me live that one down. I could live with her teasing as long as she didn't tell anyone, though.

"Hey, Charlie. Sue said you might need help with the inventory," I greeted my father-in-law when I'd made it down to the area behind the bar.

"You in the doghouse, too?" Charlie asked with raised eyebrows.

He chuckled at the no doubt surprised look on my face.

"Is 'doing inventory' Swan speak for being in the dog house?" I asked.

"Pretty much," he admitted.

"Good to know," I said. "You better put me to work then. I made Bella cry when I…um, expressed my insecurities about being able to be a good father to BC."

"Well, if she's anything like her mother when she was pregnant, then you can make her cry by telling her that you're getting a cup of coffee or by taking out the trash," he said. "I don't claim to understand women, but when they're pregnant, they make even less sense than usual. Just say 'yes' and nod a lot. That's my best advice."

"Gotcha," I replied. That seemed simple enough.

"And don't worry. Parenting isn't easy, but you're good people. You'll get it right. Love and common sense gets you pretty far. And the rest you'll figure out along the way."

"Thanks. I hope you're right," I said. "At least we know BC will have the best grandparents."

Charlie laughed. "I am going to spoil that kid so much."

I smiled. I did not doubt that Sue and Charlie would live up to the responsibility as grandparents and spoil BC as much as they could.

Charlie put me to work, and while I counted, I once again started thinking about my useless excuse of a family. They had been on my mind more since I had learned that I would be someone's father soon. My child was still just a blurry blob on an ultrasound picture, and I couldn't fathom the idea of cutting myself out of their life just because I didn't agree with their decisions. I couldn't imagine that particular decision getting easier once I actually got to know BC.

My family obviously didn't care enough to find out how I was doing. And if they did know, would they even be happy for me? Thinking about it, I decided that they probably wouldn't. Being a bartender was no doubt as bad as being a soldier in my dad's eyes, and I was pretty sure that my mom would have wished I'd married one of her snobbish friends' debutante daughters in a lavish wedding. I also couldn't see my parents being as excited to become grandparents as Sue and Charlie were. My sister…well, who knew what she thought. She was so self-absorbed, and in high school she had been a real homophobe. Much as the diva annoyed me sometimes, I would choose his company over Alice's any day.

I had no idea if Charlie really did need to do inventory or if he was just humoring Sue, but we were quickly done. We grabbed a cup of coffee, and then he went back to work. Taking the sucking up route, I went to the grocery store to get chocolate-covered cherries for my teary wife, and then I cautiously made my way upstairs. I had no idea in what state I'd find Bella in, or if Sue was going to take away my coleslaw again.

I tip-toed inside and shook my head at myself when I realized that I was holding my breath. Bella was reading on the couch, holding her book with one hand and the other one kept protectively in place over her still flat stomach. I smiled. We would be okay. No kid would ever get more love than ours, and I could dig up some common sense like Charlie had said. I'd had and used plenty of it in the Army, after all.

As if sensing my presence, she looked up.

"I'm sorr– "

"I'm sorry, I– "

Bella bit her lip, and I cleared my throat before we both started laughing. I sat down next to her and offered her the cherries. She took the bag and peered inside, smiling when she saw what was in it.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry," I said as she popped a cherry into her mouth and offered me one, too.

"I know," she replied after having hummed her appreciation for the cherries in a way that made my mind wander off in a direction that contained a lot less clothes. "And I'm sorry for freaking out. Apparently being pregnant means that a little nervousness makes you sob. I apologize in advance if I get _really_ nervous – God knows how I'll react."

"I don't like your tears," I admitted. "But you know what I've realized? We won't mess up BC. We'll do a good job being parents, and even if we don't know what we're doing at first, your parents will make sure that BC turns out just fine."

She smiled and shared another cherry with me. "I think BC is lucky to have you as his or her daddy. I can't imagine you failing at something as important as that. And I'm sure that if we try really hard, we'll get it right."

"You'll be a wonderful mom," I said and leaned over to kiss her. She tasted of chocolate. "You've got the best role model in your own mom."

"I really do. And I'll be doing my best," she replied. "Okay, now that it's settled that we won't mess up our child, then we can get to the good stuff. Names."

I laughed. "Just not James."

Bella wrinkled her nose and laughed with me. Then we spent the next hour discussing names, but we only agreed on the ones that we didn't want. And it was a long list. A name was important. Growing up, I'd hated mine because it was so old-fashioned. I'd gotten used to it, but I didn't want my kid to have a name like that. I humored Bella by discussing girls' names, but I knew it was a waste of time. BC was a boy. Nothing anyone said could convince me otherwise. Besides, I had a bet to win, and I knew my kid wouldn't let me down.

Later that day, work was the same as the previous nights. I worried about Bella, she narrowed her eyes at me, I worried less obviously, she fell asleep in the office, and then I carried her upstairs. I was never going to tell her my reasoning, but I really needed to talk her into stop working so late at the bar as my back was already protesting when I carried her up the stairs. Sleeping at a desk couldn't be very comfortable either. James and I could handle the closing whenever Charlie wasn't there – we did so anyway when Bella slept in the office. Pretty firecrackers were just damn stubborn.

When she had done her falling asleep act for a week straight, I stopped nagging and just let her sleep. It seemed easier, and I was afraid of the waterworks starting. I could talk to Charlie about it later. Or get Sue onto my side. That was probably a better tactic. Until then my back would have to suffer.

"If I fall asleep down here, will you carry me to bed, too?" James wanted to know one night. "If so, I'd prefer it to be your bed."

"I wouldn't carry you anywhere even if you fell asleep in the middle of the street," I replied and grabbed another case of empty bottles.

He pouted. "That hurts, buttercup."

"It would hurt more getting hit by a car while you were sleeping, so do yourself a favor and don't fall asleep unless you're sure it's somewhere you actually want to sleep," I said. "Hey, can you get those bottles over there? If Bella sees all this clutter, she'll have our balls. Or start crying. And honestly – I don't know what would be worse."

"You were a lot more fun back when you weren't whipped," he grumbled. "I think the Indian Princess already has your balls in the purse she refuses to carry. Or maybe in her pocket so she can squeeze the hell out of them whenever she feels like it. To think that you used to be a big, bad soldier…tsk, tsk, tsk. Such a shame."

"And to think that you used to actually do your job instead of standing around yakking all night," I said, collecting the bottles myself. "Be careful or the big, bad soldier will tell Bella or Charlie on you."

"Bah. They love me. I'm too pretty to get fired," he said decidedly.

"If you say so," I replied. "But could you please, for the love of all that is holy, help me with this? Those bottles and glasses won't magically remove themselves."

"You really are no fun, baby cakes," he said with another pout and started to collect glasses.

"Thank you," I said, sighing. I was really thankful that I wasn't his boss, because getting him to do anything was a nightmare.

When the bar was cleaned up, we said goodnight to the last customers and closed up. The place wasn't as busy as when I'd started working there, but I was impressed by the amount of customers this deep into the off season. I knew Forks was no tourist Mecca, but a few people did pass through town during the summer. Most of the clientele were regulars, though, and I'd gotten to know quite a few of them.

"Goodnight, pooh bear," James called out. "I'll leave my door unlocked in case you turn gay in the next hour."

I rolled my eyes and flipped him off. He cackled all the way up the stairs, and I started turning off the lights. Then I went into the office to get Sleeping Beauty. Flipping off the last lights and locking the door had become routine with Bella in my arms. I was always a little afraid of tripping up the stairs since I was carrying very precious cargo, but so far I had managed to avoid it.

One of the lessons I'd learned about pregnant firecrackers was that when they slept, they slept like the dead. Pretty much nothing could wake Bella up, and getting her out of her clothes was something that resembled a wrestling match. She always managed to make the opposite moves of what I needed her to make to get her out of her clothes and into a tank top. I had long ago given up trying to wake her up so she could brush her teeth. She did that during the night when she was up for a trip to the bathroom.

Once the wrestling was over and done with, it was heaven to climb into bed, cuddle up with my wife, and fall asleep to the sound of her even breathing. In our bed. I liked that. _Our_ bed. It was even better than _my_ bed, although that had been amazing at first, too.

Living with Bella was awesome - except when she'd yelled at me for leaving the toilet seat up, which had led to a long discussion about the pros and cons about leaving it up. The result of the discussion was that I always put the seat down. I was turning into Charlie, and Bella was turning into Sue. I would probably have minded if it wasn't for a very scary alternative – turning into my parents. No way was that ever happening.

There had been other hiccups during the first few weeks of living together officially. It was new to us both, and while being generally laid back people, we had a few kinks to work out about the stuff that we were anal about. Like whether the potholders went into a drawer or on a hook next to the stove. If the cap on the toothpaste stayed on or off. Lots of little things that didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things, but were different habits that one or both of us needed to change. Well, habits I needed to change. I was not about to cause more tears, so I said yes and nodded a lot like Charlie had told me. He was a very wise man. And it wasn't so bad. Kind of like swallowing a fish bone. It only bothered you for a moment. Well, until you choked. But I'd avoided that so far, luckily.

"Ever been fishing?" Charlie asked me. Bella and I were having lunch at the diner with him and Sue, and the ladies were busy talking about Christmas cookies. Apparently they had taken the concept from tasty treats to major operation that involved planning, delegation, and about fifteen different lists. I decided not to ask and just hope that I'd get to taste. A lot.

"Not really," I replied. "Jasper and I tied our shoelaces onto sticks when we were kids and stuck them in the lake, but that's as far as my experience goes."

Charlie chuckled. "Well, Emmett and I are planning to go out tomorrow morning if you want to join us. I've got an extra pole you can use so you don't have to bring shoelaces."

I smiled. "Thanks. I'd like that."

And that was how I found myself on the edge of the river freezing my ass off the following morning just after dawn. To everyone's surprise, James had insisted on coming, too, once he'd heard that we were going, and my only solace was that he seemed to be even more miserable than I was. I still hadn't gotten around to finding some appropriate clothes, so I was in my fatigues again. Charlie and Emmett were dressed in warm, sensible clothes, but James was dressed like he was going to work. He only had a hoodie over his t-shirt and jeans, and his sneakers were soaked in mud.

"Are we done yet? I can't feel my toes," he whined. "Scratch that. I can't feel anything below my…chin. No, wait. My nose.

"Dude, we just got here," Emmett replied with a grin that clearly said that he didn't feel sorry for James. "We can't go home before we actually get any fishing done. That's the whole point, you know – to fish when you go fishing."

I kept my mouth shut. I was freezing, too, but I wasn't about to admit it.

Despite the cold, I discovered that I liked fishing – at least when James wasn't whining. I realized that living in the city for most of my life, I had never really appreciated nature before.

"It's coooooold!" James cried. "I'm blaming you all if my dick freezes off."

"Shut your mouth, boy. You were the one who begged to come with us," Charlie said. "I've got the car keys, and I'm not leaving until I catch something."

"Please, Papa Swan? I'll buy you some fish! You can have all the fish you want! Big fish, little fish, flat fish, fat fish – just please, let's go home!" James begged.

Eventually, Charlie ordered James to take a walk so he could keep warm, although personally I was convinced that it was just to get rid of him and his whining for five minutes. Silence settled once he'd trudged off in between the trees muttering about bears, snakes, and lions. I wondered where he thought he lived.

"He's never going fishing with us again," Emmett declared. "I was two seconds away from putting a hook in his ass or filleting him."

"Truer words were never spoken," Charlie agreed. "And you need some warmer clothes, Edward. I appreciate you not complaining, but there's no need to repeat your block of ice impersonation if you want to come out here again."

"Yes, sir," I replied, trying to avoid my teeth chattering too loud.

"Is that a soldier thing?" Emmett asked. "The not complaining thing, I mean."

I shrugged. "There's no need to complain about things I can't change. I'll get warm again eventually."

"I know what _is_ a soldier thing, and that's the being able to shut up part," Charlie commented. "Too bad they never got a chance to teach you, Em. It's a useful skill. Now shut your trap, and maybe we'll get lucky that a fish will bite before Chatty Cathy comes back."

I tried not to laugh as Emmett struggled with the concept. He did manage to catch an empty beer can before James came back, but that was as far as our luck went.

"I saw a crocodile up the river!" James exclaimed. "It looked right at me, and I'm sure it thought I looked really tasty."

Charlie rolled his eyes and pulled his line out of the water. "Boy, someone must have dropped you on your head when you were a baby. The most you saw up the river was a log. And logs don't look at you or eat you."

"It really was a crocodile," James insisted. "I even took a picture with my phone before I ran back here. Look!"

He showed his phone screen to Charlie who sighed. "It's a log. And we're going home now. Anyone who wants to come out here again and knows how to shut up can come with me in a few days. But if we stay today, someone is going to end up in the river, and it won't be me."

"Sorry you didn't catch anything," I said to him on the way back to the car.

He chuckled. "I might not be taking a home a fish that Sue can cook for dinner, but I did get to spend time with my boys. It hasn't been a totally wasted morning."

And that was yet another reason why Charlie Swan was probably the most awesome man I had ever met.

Back home, I rushed directly into the shower and under the hot water. My teeth were chattering, and I was feeling pretty stupid for not having worn the right clothes for a winter morning out by the river. I really needed to go shopping for something warm and waterproof.

While I was heating up under the hot water and steaming up the bathroom, Bella slipped into the shower.

"Did you catch anything?" she asked, pressing her glorious, naked self against my back.

Her adventurous hands made me forget her question for a moment before I was able to string together a reply. "Um, no. But James saw a log."

"A log, huh? Lucky James. I hope it didn't make you too sad that you missed the thrilling experience."

"Well, he claimed it was a crocodile, but your dad disagreed," I tried to explain, thoroughly distracted by her hands wandering down to my eagerly waiting cock.

"Sounds like a very interesting and highly fascinating story, but we really need to stop talking about James and my dad while we're naked," she said and kissed my shoulder.

"Beautiful _and_ smart," I said, turning around. "How did I get so lucky?"

"I have no idea, but you better not forget it," she replied with a saucy smile.

"No, ma'am."

I turned her around in my arms, loving the way we fit together. The way she always willingly melted into me did things to my heart that I had no idea how to explain. Right then, it did things to my body, as well, and I slipped into her easily. She arched against me, and my hands caressed her wet skin from her hips, over her stomach, to her beautiful breasts. I loved every single part of her – and her being all wet was a favorite of mine.

The most overpowering feeling was being inside of her. I could elicit certain reactions from her with my actions. Long, slow thrusts meant breathy moans. Sharper thrusts made her gasp and latch onto my hands with her own and squeeze. Kisses to the back of her neck made her shiver.

The sound she made when she came was one I vowed to make her make again and again until I got so old that my cock, hands, and mouth stopped working. Only not right then, because I was busy climaxing, too. The world ceased to exist, and she became everything.

"The water's getting cold," she said a while later, yanking me out of my blissful state.

And she was right. It wasn't just getting cold – I was fucking freezing again without having realized it. And she was, too.

I turned off the water and reached for a towel. Even though I was cold and in a hurry, I still took great pleasure in drying my beautiful wife. Drying meant rubbing, and rubbing was good. Plus, it made her giggle, and I loved that sound. When she was dry, I reached for a second towel and let her ogle me while I dried off.

Abandoning the towels on the floor – which would make Bella yell at me later – I grabbed my wife and carried her to bed. The best cure against the cold was snuggling under the covers. And if snuggling – against all odds – should fail, I was pretty sure that we could come up with an alternative that would do the job.

After the cuddling – and alternative activities – we were toasty warm and ready for food. I made us some brunch, and Bella decided that a picnic on the living room floor was in order. When she sat against the couch munching on pancakes and bacon, only wearing one of my t-shirts and showing off her shapely legs, I was pretty sure that there was no happier man in the world than me. The feeling inside of me was lightyears from the misery I'd been so caught up in following Afghanistan, and I owed it all to the vixen running her bare toes up and down my calf while she had maple syrup running down her chin.

I just had to lick it off, and then we heated up some more.

I had forgotten how much of a nightmare Christmas shopping could be. Compared to before, I suddenly had a lot of people to buy presents for, and I was clueless. Luckily, I had Bella to help with the presents for everyone else, but in many ways, her gift was the most important one, so I had to get it right.

I drove to Port Angeles and headed toward the mall where James had dragged me clothes shopping a few months prior. The first store I spotted was a toy store, and I wished BC wasn't hiding in Bella's stomach so I could get him some cool toys. Nearly flattening my nose against the window, I looked at the trains, the Legos, and the action figures, imagining how much fun BC and I could have playing with it all. I couldn't remember my dad ever taking the time to play with me when I was a kid, but it was one of the things I looked forward to with BC. And I was definitely getting him a cool train set next Christmas. And some Legos. And a teddy bear twice his size – those were cool.

I finally tore myself away from the toy display with a sigh. BC was going to be easy to buy presents for. Not like his mom, who I had absolutely no idea what to get. I wanted it to be epic and over the top because she deserved it, but she wasn't the kind of girl to be impressed by the stuff that most women got impressed by. That was one of the things I loved most about her, but right then I wished I could get her diamonds and whatever fancy stuff all the girly girls liked.

I considered getting her plane tickets for a trip somewhere, but I hadn't done my research and didn't know if it was safe for her travel. Getting her baby stuff was not a good idea, as James was slowly drowning us in clothes, toys, and random things he considered necessary. Bella didn't wear much jewelry, so that was out, too.

I wove through the masses of people carrying a million shopping bags each while I looked at the stores' displays. Nothing seemed to catch my eye, and after a couple of hours I was tired, annoyed, and tempted to get _her_ the damn train set or the Legos.

I sat down on a bench and thought about what I wanted to get her. It had to mean something and it had to make her smile. All those freaking tears were messing with my head. Pulling out my phone, I decided to ask the all-knowing oracle known to the world as Google. Typing in _thoughtful present_ like the loser I was, I was rewarded with a lot of lame ideas. Well, that would teach me, wouldn't it? I scoffed at what I read. A scrapbook? And what was I supposed to put in one of those? Pictures from our decade-long relationship? Mementos from our many dates? Scrolling down, I saw more stupid ideas. Books? Really? Those weren't very personal. And a collage? A collage of which pictures exactly?

I frowned. I sure as hell wasn't going to make a collage, but maybe I could cash in a few favors and get Bella some pictures of Jake. There had been a few guys who had carried cameras around all the time some of the places where we'd been stationed together. Sending off a few emails, I hoped that they'd get back to me in time.

Then it was time to get back to Project Christmas Present for Bella. A few pictures weren't going to cut it. After an intense, but rather random shopping spree, I had gotten several bags of stuff. A camera since none of us had one, and BC's life definitely needed to be documented in great detail. As did ours, come to think of it. Yep, a camera was a good idea. I'd also gotten some photo albums and a gold medallion with room for two tiny photos inside. I knew Bella wasn't much of a jewelry girl, but I figured she might like to carry a picture of BC once he was born.

I didn't know what the Swans' Christmas traditions were, but when I was a kid, my grandmother had always given Alice and me stockings filled with goodies on Christmas morning. My parents hadn't carried on with the tradition after my grandmother passed away, but I liked the idea and was already looking forward to next year when I could spoil BC. This year, I was focusing on Bella, and I had bought her a stocking with her name on. To fill it up, I had gotten the tear-reducing miracles, chocolate-covered cherries along with some of her favorite music, an Army onesie for BC because that shit was just cute as fuck, a travel catalogue so we could pick out somewhere to go sometime, and as the grand finale, I got her a sheet of rub-on tattoos with headdresses. I knew she'd get the joke.

Before leaving the mall, I made sure to get the rabbit's foot we'd forgotten to get James. Freaking the diva out for Christmas was something I hoped could become a tradition.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thank you for reading!


	22. Peppermint Stick

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Sorry about the wait - a bad case of RL happened. But rest asured that the story is written and just waiting to be edited and posted, so even if there are delays, it will arrive in your inboxes sooner or later. Thank you for your patience and your support! :) And thank you to Sherriola for making sure that we make sense.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

**Peppermint Stick**

Shopping for Edward's Christmas present had been more challenging that I'd originally thought. I'd started in early November—before our rushed nuptials—combing the malls in Port Angeles but nothing had caught my eye. The things I'd seen had either been too impersonal, something he wouldn't want, or just plain stupid. I'd almost resigned myself to making some of those sexual favor coupons, until he'd made a back handed comment mentioning how excited he was to celebrate the holidays that year. It had made me think about all of the crappy celebrations he must have had with his own family.

I wanted this Christmas to be the best one he'd ever had—one he would remember, replacing every sad and awful memory his parents and sister had given him in the past. With that in mind, I renewed my efforts in searching for the perfect gift. It had to have meaning and thought behind it, as well as make Rusty feel like a part of my family.

I lucked out online and was able to order more than one gift. I even had them sent to Mom and Dad's house, because my husband seemed like the type that would be a naughty boy and peek. Both of my parents, when I showed them my purchases, loved the theme of showing Edward how adored he was and followed my example. I was certain no one would ever give him a better Christmas than the Swan clan.

I pulled away from my thoughts as I wrapped up the last present. Edward and I had bought gifts for my parents, James, Rose, Emmett, Grandpa Billy, Uncle Harry, and his family together. Since we'd become a couple, it just seemed right to give combined gifts. I had always thought that kind of thing was a little too cutesy for me, but I was starting to like being part of a "we" and didn't mind so much anymore.

"Baby, you almost finished?" Edward called out from the living room.

"Yeah!" I answered, setting the last wrapped present on the bed.

Edward came in the bedroom, leaning against the door frame all sexy looking in his Army T-shirt and camouflage pajama pants. Seeing him in that outfit did things to me, and I repressed a shudder. I tried to tell myself that putting presents under the tree was more important than jumping my husband.

"Is that everything?" Edward chuckled.

"Yes. How did I end up wrapping all the presents anyway? It doesn't seem fair," I said, pouting playfully.

"I told you I'm horrible at it. They would have all looked like a three year old wrapped them. I was just trying to save face."

"Whatever," I hopped off the bed. "You get to put them under the tree, though. I think I have carpel tunnel from twisting the paper around all those misshapen packages. It's your turn to be useful and flex those army muscles of yours to put them under the tree, Sergeant."

Edward mock saluted me with a grin and jumped away from his spot. "Yes, ma'am!"

_My husband is such a dork_.

I ignored his silliness and went into the living room, sitting down on the couch. It was easy to get into the Christmas spirit looking around the room. James had shown up on our doorstep a couple of nights before and insisted we decorate. It was the only time Edward had ever agreed with James wholeheartedly—even going as far as to help him with the task. At first, I really didn't want my living room to look like Rudolph threw up on every surface, but once the boys finished, it looked really festive. After I'd grudgingly admitted that it looked good, James had named himself the official decorator for all seasons from that moment on.

_Sigh_.

I noticed there was a tray on the coffee table in front of me. It had two mugs of hot chocolate, some gingerbread cookies I made with Mom, and a couple of peppermint sticks.

_Looks like Rusty was busy while I was playing "can you hide that shape?" in the bedroom_.

The small tree in the corner lit up the dark room and added to the ambiance. Since it was Christmas Eve, we had put up our stockings already—full of goodies. We'd both decided it was kind of stupid to try to hide those, because there was no way to fill them the night before without the other knowing. However, I'd gotten an ironclad promise from soldier boy he wouldn't touch his until morning.

Rusty walked by me with his arms full of presents. I leaned back and watched him arrange them under the tree, trying to ignore the way his back muscles flexed under his shirt. Pregnancy had done a number on my hormones, and I was jumping the poor man constantly these days. I didn't think he minded much; I never heard him complain once.

Edward sat next to me after the last box was placed. I put my feet in his lap, and his hands automatically started rubbing. I leaned back, moaning at the feeling.

"You keep that up, and we'll be doing more than just drinking hot chocolate." Edward tilted his head and flashed me a wicked smile.

"Mmmmm," I moaned at his words.

He stopped his movements, earning a pout from me. I cleared my throat and sat up.

"So—not that I'm complaining—but what's all this?" I motioned to the tray across from us.

"Oh, well, I thought I'd share another one of my traditions with you. When Alice and I were little, our cook would make us gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate on Christmas Eve. Dad was usually working, and Mom couldn't be bothered with it. The stockings with my grandmother and the hot chocolate with the cook are really the only positive memories I have of this season."

I frowned. It was just another thing that made me want to kick his parents' asses over. I wondered if it would be in bad taste if I just showed up on their doorstep one day and told them what horrible people they were. Stupid bastards.

"I really hate your parents." I stuck out my tongue. Just the mere mention of those people left a bad taste in my mouth.

"I know, but this year has turned out to be my best one so far."

His hand went to my abdomen, rubbing in small circles. I leaned into him and placed my head on his shoulder. With his other hand, he gave me one of the cups, taking the other one for himself. I took a drink and fought to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head. Sergeant Cullen knew how to make a mean cup of hot chocolate.

"This is good. Where did you learn to make such deliciousness?"

"It's one of the only things I'm good at cooking. I'm not giving up my secrets," Edward said, laughing.

"I'll get it out of you. I have ways of making you talk."

"I'm sure you do." He placed a small kiss on my lips.

I set down the mug and turned to face him. "So, since we're discussing traditions, I'd like to talk about starting a new one. My family always opened presents on Christmas Day, but I thought we could open one or two on Christmas Eve. That way, we'll have our own tradition," I explained, biting my lip.

Edward nodded. "I like the sound of that."

I smiled and jumped up, running to the bedroom. I'd hidden two presents, hoping he'd go along with my plan. They were a little more personal, and I wanted it to just be us when he opened them. Edward was laughing at me when I returned with a gift already in his lap.

"Where did you put those? I thought you were keeping all of mine in your parents' house because you didn't trust me, my sneaky little firecracker."

"I don't. You look like the type who would cheat," I admitted, reclaiming my spot on the couch. "But I really wanted to give these to you alone, so..."

He tilted his head to the side as I held up a large and a small present. When I handed them over, I noticed he had a nice-sized one his own hand, and we exchanged them. Edward motioned for me to go first. I ripped off the paper, revealing a nice looking digital camera. I looked over at him stunned.

"I know you'll want to take as many pictures of BC as you can once he's born. I also thought we could use it tomorrow to document our first Christmas together," Edward explained, turning red with embarrassment.

I set the camera on the floor beside me and launched myself at Rusty, hugging him tightly.

"I love it. This is the best present ever." I teared up.

He blew out a breath. "Thank God, because I had no idea what to get you."

I chuckled. "You did good. Now, open the big one first."

He raised an eyebrow at me but complied. The presents I gave him had a theme, and I knew it was kind of bossy of me, but I insisted that he open them from largest to smallest. There was a method to my madness.

He tore off the paper, revealing a medium-sized wooden box. It was cherry-colored with the edges rounded around the top. Edward glanced up at me.

"Open it,"

He shook his head with a smile and indulged me. Pulling out a sheet of paper, he unfolded it and began to read. I followed over his shoulder, looking at the words I'd penned a few nights before while he was sleeping.

_Dear Daddy,_

_I'm sorry I can't be there with you this year, but I'm busy growing big and strong in Mommy's tummy. I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, and with Mommy's help, I've written you this letter. The box that Mommy gave you is from me. It's to put mementos of the memories we are going to make together, or the drawings and letters I am going to make for you to show how much I love you, Daddy. I can't wait to meet you. _

_I love you so much, _

_BC_

Edward was sobbing by the time he finished the letter. I took it from him, folded it up, and placed it gently in the box. After I took his present out of his lap, placing it on the floor, climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and I squeezed him tight.

I was beginning to think my gift was a bad idea. I'd wanted to show him just how much he meant to me, and was going to mean to BC, by giving him something to keep mementos from and of his son in. It made me sad to know that no one in his life, before he moved to Forks, showed him how much he was appreciated.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in his ear. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted—"

"Don't." He croaked, interrupting me. "You have no idea what this means to me. I'll treasure this gift always."

I sat there for a few minutes, wrapped around him, as he collected himself. I stroked the hair on the back of his neck, trying to show my love through touch. After a few moments, he let out a shuddering breath and asked for the other present.

I was a little unsure because of his previous reaction. With shaking hands, I picked it up and handed it to him. Still on his lap, I watched as he tore the paper off the smaller gift. He opened the box and took out the contents.

It was a coin with a large male hand and a small hand belonging to a child on the face, and a piece of paper inside. The words _Daddy's Hand_ wrapped around the top of the metal coin. He turned it over and inspected it, rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

"It's to put in your box. I thought it could be your first Daddy keepsake," I explained.

"I love you so much," Edward said.

We ended the night snuggled together on the couch, sipping our hot chocolate. Edward was quiet but seemed peaceful. I was glad that the "Daddy" portion of my gift theme was complete and couldn't wait until the next day to show him just how much I appreciated all aspects of my wonderful Rusty.

~.~.~.~

"I want to play Santa! I want to play Santa!" James exclaimed, situating himself under my parents' large Christmas tree.

Edward and I had arrived early to hugs from Charlie and Sue. We'd promised to come over for breakfast to spend time with them before Mom and I started cooking and the rest of our family showed up. Alone time with the folks was nice and getting to cook with Mom was even better. By the time the rest of the clan arrived, dinner was close to being finished.

Rose and Leah came in to help with the last minute preparations. Aunt Claire, Harry's wife, stood in the kitchen, watching us. The woman couldn't cook for shit—probably the reason Mom had a hard time teaching Leah—and had been banned from helping years before.

Dinner was interesting. James decided that we needed a toast before we started eating and almost succeeded in reading a poem to commemorate the event. Dad tackled him to the ground, knocking him out of his chair. A wrestling match broke out on the floor, but my father still managed to put James into a head lock, grabbing the paper from James' clutched hand. I was impressed that my father, who was getting up there in age, managed to stand up and run toward the kitchen in a much quicker move than I'd anticipated. James ran after him, and we heard a yelp from the kitchen. Dad explained later he'd burned the offending prose in the sink. James pouted for the rest of the meal.

After eating, we'd gathered in the living room for presents—where James had sat down in front of the tree and was whining about wanting to be "Santa." Emmett and Rose had situated themselves on love seat, Edward and I were cuddling on the sofa, Dad sat in favorite chair with Mom on his lap, Harry and Claire sitting in two of the dining room chairs next to each other, and siblings Seth and Leah on the floor sitting in front of their parents. Grandpa Billy was the only member of the family not paired up, so he was next to me on the couch.

"If it will shut you up, then you can pass out presents," Charlie said with an eye roll.

James squealed and got to work.

It didn't take long before all of us were loaded down with gifts. Edward sat entranced by the colored paper flying across the room. He seemed kind of confused.

"It's always a free for all in this house. We tried going one at a time one year, and it didn't work out. Just grab one and start." I nodded toward the brightly colored packages in his lap.

"I love your family." Edward smiled and dug in.

He ended up with some warm clothes for hunting and fishing gear from Dad, an Afghan and knitted socks from Mom, a jar of fire water from Uncle Harry and Aunt Claire, two tickets to see Stone Sour in Seattle from Rose and Emmett, a set of tools from Grandpa Billy, a couple of shirts from Leah, and a shaving kit from Seth.

There were hoots and hollers when someone got a particularly good gift. I started opening some of mine when the noise level calmed down. I had some maternity clothes from Aunt Claire and Uncle Harry, a voucher for unlimited babysitting services from Leah, a foot massager from Emmett and Rose, candles from Seth, a picture of a nice wooden crib Grandpa Billy had ordered to be delivered after the New Year, and a bassinet from my parents. I teared up when I saw the present from my parents, deciding to wait to open the ones from Edward.

"Thanks so much you guys," I said to everyone. "I really appreciate this."

My mother came over and hugged me while everyone else nodded. Once I calmed, James jumped up with a smile.

"I decided that I should get you and your man a together present." James gave us a sly wink and then left the room. Mom returned to her place on Dad's lap.

My gaze traveled to Edward, and he shrugged his shoulders. James returned with a huge basket dripping with pink. It was full of baby items all suited for a girl. I laughed loudly as Edward grimaced.

"My apartment already looks like it's covered in Pepto Bismol. I thought you were done buying baby crap," Edward complained.

"Baby Cullen can never have too many things," James shot Edward a look that clearly showed James thought my husband was a moron. "She needs to be able to have many outfits and accessories at her disposal."

"_He_," Edward said, emphasizing the word. "Will be a boy, and he's not going to need all this crap you keep buying. Boys don't need much."

"Someone is in denial." James scoffed. "Baby Cullen is a girl, and I am positive you will be eating your words when she is born."

He set that monstrosity at my feet with a grin as the room erupted in laughter.

"You guys are too much," I said, giggling.

James went back to his spot and resumed opening his gifts. I noticed that he'd picked up the one from Edward and me. Elbowing my husband in the ribs, I tried to get his attention. He looked up and over at James when he saw me point in that direction. An evil grin crossed his features.

James finished pulling off the paper and opened the box. He let out a high pitched scream and ran out of the room. Edward was dying with laughter beside me; everyone else looked confused. I got up and went to find James, noticing the front door was open. I peeked outside and saw James was head first in a snow drift.

"Edward!" I yelled.

He came running, and the moment he saw James, it set him off on a new round of laughter.

"This is your fault," I admonished. "Get him out of there."

"Yes, Bella," he said.

Edward walked out into the cold and extracted our flamboyant friend from the snow pile. James' short blonde hair was covered in white powder, and he was shivering. Edward led him into the living room and helped him sit on the couch while I got him a blanket. I wrapped him in it and sat beside him, rubbing my hands up and down his arms. Edward took his place on the floor in front of my feet.

I looked down at my husband. "You suck. I told you that was a bad idea."

"Don't you love me at all?" James asked. "Why would you get me a mouse for Christmas?"

The room was full of chuckles once again.

"It was a rabbit's foot," Edward said, his voice rising an octave on the last word.

Seth leaned over to fist bump Edward, which he returned. I cleared my throat and glared at Edward, making him duck his head.

"Look." Edward rubbed his hands on his thighs, looking up at James. "I know I give you a lot of shit, but I'd like to think we've become friends. Hell, until Jake, I didn't even know what real friendship was. Everyone else in my life, up until then, had abandoned me. It was one of the things he taught me, how to be there for another human being. So, I have to blame him for the fact that pranking will always come with my friendship." He smiled.

James' face softened from the scowl he'd been wearing.

"Here's your real present," Edward said, pulling rectangular package from under the sofa. I looked over at him, asking with my eyes what he was doing. Last I knew, we had decided on a gift basket full of products like bath salts and body glitter. This was not bath salts and body glitter.

James took it from Edward and opened it. A large grin spread across his face.

"Seriously?" James exclaimed. He threw himself at Edward, knocking him on his back. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"I hate to interrupt cuddle time," Emmett said from his spot on the love seat. "But what has Miss Priss all excited?"

James stood up and began hopping up and down like he was on a sugar high. "Read it and weep, bitches."

James pulled out a pink shirt and proudly held it up for all the world to see. In large white letters it proclaimed that James was the "Greatest Auntie in the World."

Edward got up and sat next to me. I raised my eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

"There's a gift card in there, too," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Uh huh," I said. "You like being friends with James."

"Yeah, whatever. When he's not hitting on me, he's not that bad. Just don't tell him that." Edward bumped my shoulder with his.

I laughed and went back to my presents. I opened two of the gifts from Edward and saw he had gotten me a scrapbook and a gold medallion to put pictures in. I loved them immediately. The last gift made me cry because it was a framed picture of Jake sitting on a tank, hamming it up for the camera. It just captured the essence of who my brother was, and I knew I'd treasure it always.

I hugged Edward and thanked him for his thoughtful gifts. In a way, he'd found a way to have my brother as a part of the celebration, giving each person a picture of our beloved Jake and documenting his time in the army. Since we couldn't be there with him, it was nice to know that, while overseas, he hadn't lost who he had been.

Edward waited to open the remaining presents from me until I was finished. The moment I set Jake's picture down, he blew out a breath and started. The first one he tore into was a compass I'd bought him for the "Husband and Lover" part of the theme. Engraved inside was a little message to him, which he read to himself.

_Edward, _

_No matter how many miles separate us, I know you'll always be able to find me. _

_Love always, _

_Bella_

"Do you like making me cry?" Edward muttered as he wiped his eyes. "I do have a reputation to uphold."

I giggled through my tears. "No, I just want you to know I love every part of you. It's about time someone showed you how wonderful you are."

He smiled at me, working on the next present. Inside was a small box. He lifted the lid to reveal a circular pendant with the words "United States Army" around the edges, and the Army seal in the center. It was my way of letting him know how proud I was of his service in the armed forces.

He took it out and placed it around his neck. I'd had a hard time finding something suited for a veteran, but when I saw the necklace, it just felt right. Seeing it on him, and how proud he seemed to be wearing it, told me I'd made the right choice.

He looked nervous about the last present. I was biting my lip, hoping that it would be well received. Removing the paper, he revealed a framed photo of himself and Jake in basic training. They had their arms thrown over each other's shoulder and were laughing at something in the distance. Out of everything else, I wanted to celebrate his friendship with Jake, because it was what had led him to me. I was thankful for it more than I could ever express.

"You raided my pictures." Edward laughed through his tears.

"You were busy collecting pictures for everyone else, but you needed something to display, too. Jake was just as important to you as he was to the rest of us. He loved you, Edward. And I thought it would be appropriate. In a way, you can consider it a present from Jake."

He set his gifts on the floor and hugged me. I hoped that he finally realized how much my family and I cared for him.

I noticed, for the first time, we were alone in the room. Voices could be heard from the kitchen, and I knew that everyone had given us some privacy.

"This is the best Christmas ever," Edward said, kissing me until my toes curled.

~.~.~.~

"I'm not sure if we should leave. You look far too beautiful to be out in public," Edward said, eyeing me up and down.

We were going out with Rose and Emmett, and I had decided to dress up a bit in a red sweater dress, leggings, and black flats. I'd left my hair down for practical reasons, hoping it would help counteract the blistery December chill. Edward had on a button down white shirt and black dress pants. We were meeting our friends at the new Mexican restaurant in Port Angeles. BC had been craving tacos, so I was going to give in and enjoy it.

It was two days before New Year's Eve, and Charlie and Sue had let us work Upstairs that morning and taken our shifts at the bar as part of their Christmas present to us. Since Dad hadn't decided whether to close down the bar for the holiday, that subsequently happened to be Jake's birthday, my parents thought we needed a night out in case we were working on the thirty-first.

My parents were the best. They told us they wanted to make sure Edward and I got some couple time in before BC was born, stating it was important for us to strengthen our bond so we could be the best parents possible to our child. Her words had made me cry.

"We're going out, Edward. Your spawn is demanding Mexican."

Edward chuckled and kneeled in front of my stomach, nuzzling my large bump. "All right. We'll get you fed, and then it's Daddy's turn to have Mommy. Okay, BC?"

He finished his little speech to our unborn child with a kiss on my abdomen. The presents I gave to Edward from our child had flipped something inside of him. He'd been wonderful before, but it was like getting something tangible from his soon to be daughter or son made it all the more real for him.

He stood up and took my hand. "C'mon. I need to feed my family."

~.~.~.~

An hour later, we pulled up in front of the Mexican restaurant. I waited for Edward to open my door before I exited the car. My husband was all about using his gentleman skills these days, and it just wasn't worth it to fight him on it. Honestly, I was starting to get used to the attention.

We went inside and gave our name to the host. He led us to our table, and I heard Edward mumble under his breath—unable to make out the words. I gave Edward a look, but he shook his head. It was obvious he wasn't going to tell me.

Once we arrived, the host pulled out my chair for me, causing Edward to huff and flop down in his seat. I thanked the man and sat down. He let us know he'd bring our missing party members when they arrived and told us our server would be there momentarily.

"Should have brought my shotgun." Edward turned his head, glaring behind him.

"What is with you?"

"If that guy stared at your ass one more time, I was going to punch him. Who ogles a pregnant married woman?" Edward grumbled, turning back.

I giggled at him and his grumpiness. "Yeah, I'm sure he was appalled by the size of my fat ass, Edward." I rolled my eyes and shook my head, convinced he'd lost his mind.

"Don't say that. I happen to like your ass."

"Please, my ass is its own country."

"Pretty firecracker has lost her fucking mind." Edward shook his head.

"I'm ready to chow down." Emmett's voice interrupted our ridiculous discussion.

Edward and I jumped at Emmett and Rose's arrival. We'd been lost in our own little bubble and hadn't seen them. Emmett laughed at our reaction.

Our server came over not long after and took our orders. I ended up just ordering a plate full of authentic tacos. I received funny looks from Edward, Emmett, and Rose, but I didn't care. Just the thought of the crunchy goodness made my mouth water.

Eating food became a wonderful experience again once I'd stopped throwing up all the time. After the ninth week, my body decided to quit torturing me with the morning sickness, and I couldn't have been happier. Edward was relieved as well—he was staring to worry about me.

Emmett talked about setting up another fishing trip with Edward in the Spring, and Rose and I discussed all things baby.

"I'm kind of pissed at James," Rose admitted. "He's buying up all this cute stuff; there's not going to be anything left for the rest of us to buy."

I snorted. "He's bought everything in pink. If BC turns out to be a boy, we're screwed. I'd love it if everyone would get us some gender neutral colors. It might also save Edward from having a stroke. He's adamant that the baby is a boy."

"Yeah, I heard. He'd be such a sweetheart with a girl, though."

"I agree, but he'd also be a nightmare. Can you imagine when she started dating. Poor BC."

Rose cackled. "I don't think Edward would be the only one going crazy. I'm sure Emmett and Charlie would be joining Edward on your front porch with their own shotguns. Any guy that goes out with her doesn't stand a chance."

I put my head in my hands. "You are so right. You and Mom will have to help me make the knuckleheads see reason."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked, leaning toward us.

"We're talking about when your daughter starts dating," Rose explained.

"I am not having a daughter. My kid is a boy," Edward said with a head nod.

"Hear, hear." Emmett raised his glass in agreement.

"You guys are awful." I pointed at Edward and then Emmett.

"Can you really imagine Edward with a girl? He'd kill anything that moved." Emmett laughed, holding his stomach.

"Ha. Ha." I deadpanned.

"Emmett is telling the truth." Edward snorted, taking a drink of his water. "I know what teenage boys are like. I was one, once upon a time. It's just better if we have a boy. I promise."

"You know, your daughter could turn out like Bella," Rose tilted her head, placing her fist on her chin. "If that's the case, you'd probably sleep better at night. I remember the time Brandon Miller lied and said he slept with Bella freshman year. She made it her personal mission to make sure it was a known fact he had a small penis." She looked over at me. "The poem you wrote about it in the girl's bathroom was brilliant, by the way."

I laughed, remembering that dickhead. He had to confess to lying about having sex with me to try and salvage what little reputation he'd had left. It backfired on him because the damage had already been done. He was known as the guy with the "itsy bitsy teeny weenie" until he left Forks.

"The bastard is lucky I didn't find out until years later." Emmett scowled, shaking his head. "I would have annihilated that punk."

"And if we have a boy, I won't have a heart attack if something like that happens." Edward nodded, shooting me a pointed look.

I shook my head. No matter how much we discussed the possibility of a girl, Edward shut it down. He was determined BC was a boy, and there was no changing his mind. It was annoying at times because having a girl would be nice. I'd have someone to pass the female Swan family traditions on to, but I would also be content with a boy. Charlie could teach him all kinds of things, and having a miniature version of Edward running around learning things from his dad made me smile.

I was undecided as to what I wanted BC to be, but it was fine. As long my baby was healthy, I would be happy.

We finished dinner and decided to look at the Christmas lights set up on the next block. Walking seemed appropriate because it wasn't far, so we left the restaurant and started down the street.

About halfway toward our destination, Rose slipped on a patch of ice and fell on her ass. On the way down, she tried to grab a hold of Emmett and caused him to fall on top of her. Both broke out in laughter as Emmett tried to help her up.

Edward scooped me up in his arms after he watched the exchange.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screeched as I left the ground.

"Keeping you safe," he said, walking toward the lights.

"I can walk fine, you know." I stared at the side of his face.

"Well, I'm not taking any chances. It's dangerous out, and you have to be careful."

"Ugh. You are too much. Put me down."

"Not a chance," Edward said, laughing.

My overprotective husband carried me the rest of the way, Rose and Emmett following behind us. Emmett had been worried that Rose had hurt herself, but she just brushed him off and told him not to fret. She also threatened his balls if he pulled what she was calling "an Edward."

_That's my girl_.

The lights came into view a few minutes later, and we found a bench to sit down on. Edward only released me after I promised to sit and not move. I had a feeling that Rose's fall had caused Edward's mind into an overprotective tailspin, but it was unwarranted. I had been careful since I found out I was pregnant. I wanted BC to be safe just as much as Edward did, but he'd taken it upon himself to be my personal bodyguard and keeper. I loved the man, but it was annoying.

The light display was the biggest I'd seen in all the years we'd come to see it. When we were kids, Mom and Dad would pile Jake, Emmett, and I into their car. Back then, we'd park close and look at them from the back seat. Mom was always worried about us getting too cold and even went as far as to bring a thermos of hot chocolate with us.

I could picture in my mind piling into the car with Edward and BC next year to carry on the tradition. Really, I had so many things I wanted to do with my child when he or she was born. I knew that my parents were just as excited. I took hold of Edward's hand and squeezed it.

I couldn't wait until I was a mom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We hope you enjoyed Christmas with Rusty. We'll see you next time!


	23. Big Daddy

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thanks to sherriola for lending us her pre-reading services. Thanks to everyone reading, alerting, and reviewing. We passed 1,000 reviews with the last chapter, and we really appreciate your support. We hope you enjoy the chapter! :)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23 – Big Daddy<strong>

EPOV

Jake would have turned twenty-seven on New Years Eve. He'd always used to say that the whole world was celebrating his birthday with champagne and fireworks. Charlie's birthday was the first day of the new year, and most years father and son had had a joint celebration. That much I remembered Jake telling me. This year, however, it was all very up in the air what would be happening.

Bella had told me that her parents were debating whether or not closing down the bar was a good idea. Apparently, it was quite the meeting place on New Years Eve, but James was the only one who didn't have any emotions tied to that particular day, and he couldn't run the bar alone. I was pretty sure that I could work since I had no memories of Jake at the bar, but it tore at me having to be without Bella that night.

In the end, Sue and Charlie sat Bella, James, and I down and asked us for our opinion.

"The selfish part of me says to shut the bar down and cry on the couch with a large tub of ice cream," Bella said, squeezing my hand under the table. "But the part of me that is, above all, Jake's sister says to party like he would have wanted it."

"Thank you, dear," Sue said with a tired smile. "That's exactly as far as your dad and I have gotten. What we would like versus what Jake would have liked."

"Why the doubts, then?" James asked, unnaturally subdued. "I'm sorry if I'm butting into something that isn't my business, but you did ask me to sit down with your lovely selves."

"He's right, Charlie," Sue said, looking at her tired-looking husband. She looked back at James. "And your input is as important as everyone else's, James."

"Edward, what do you think?" Charlie asked me.

I took a deep breath. "I think it will be harder to get through a difficult and emotional night than it will be to live with the feeling that we somehow let Jake down or went against what he would have wanted. However, with that said, I think the decision of being there that night or not should be a personal one. You can count on me working if you decide to open the bar."

"Sue, sweetheart, I fear that your days as the voice of reason are numbered," Charlie said, fighting a laugh.

Sue reached across the table and put her hand on my arm. "Well said, dear. I'll be there, too."

I saw Bella and Charlie exchange a look, and then they nodded.

"I'll bring the cake, Dad," she said. Turning to look at me, she explained," We always have cake at midnight to celebrate both birthdays. Jake and Dad took turns deciding on which cake we'd have."

"And this year it was my turn, so I'm picking Jake's favorite," Charlie said decidedly.

"Chocolate mud cake," Bella and Sue said together.

"With green sprinkles," Charlie added with a choked laugh. "Don't forget the green sprinkles. Remember when he was five and got multi-colored sprinkles on his cake?"

Sue nodded and cleared her throat. "He cried and refused to eat anything before I'd scraped them off and gone to the store to replace them with green ones."

A few laughs escaped, and then silence hung in the air while we all dipped into the pool of Jake memories we had. Well, except James, but as obnoxious as he sometimes was, he was really good at respecting the need we all had to remember and talk about Jake. It was almost hard to believe the great difficulties I'd had talking about my late best friend when I had first arrived in Forks – it seemed so long ago now. It had become much easier, and even slightly therapeutic, to talk about him. Keeping his memory alive meant that he wasn't truly gone.

On the last morning of the year, I might as well have gone down to do inventory, because I was truly and utterly in the doghouse. Bella and her parents had gone to the cemetery, and I did not become popular with my wife and mother-in-law when I didn't go with them.

Perhaps it was silly at that point that I still hadn't been back to visit Jake's grave, but there was just something inside of me that resisted. Charlie seemed to understand, even if I couldn't really explain why I didn't feel ready to go. Instead, I grabbed the key Charlie had given me and went down to the bar. I made myself a Dust Remover and sat down on the other side of the counter while I messed with the remote for the built-in sound system. I couldn't think of one particular song that reminded me of Jake, but I searched until I found something happy. I didn't know the song, but the lyrics were about the sun. And like Emmett had said the first time I met him, Jake had been a sunshiny brat.

"Can you make one of those without alcohol?"

I turned to see Bella strolling up to the counter. I didn't know how long I had been sitting at the bar sipping my mid-morning drink, but it appeared I had completely lost track of time. Her cheeks were red from the cold, and I searched her eyes for any traces of tears. There weren't any. She looked oddly at peace.

"I doubt it," I replied. "But I can get you some orange juice."

She shrugged. "I suppose that will have to do."

I got up, kissed her cold lips as I passed her, and went to get her something to drink. When I put the juice down in front of her, I was rewarded with a beautiful firecracker smile.

She took a sip and shed her jacket before looking at me again. "I'm sorry I didn't make much of an effort earlier to try to understand. Dad made Mom and me see that we were being unfair."

"I think we're all a little on edge today," I said.

Turning in my seat, I pulled her stool closer to mine. The action made her smile, and she grabbed my hand.

"I can't wait till BC gets old enough to hear about his or her Uncle Jake," she said, smiling softly as our joined hands came to rest on her stomach.

"And we really need to tell lots and lots of stories about Uncle Jake, or else poor BC will be traumatized by only having Uncle James around," I said.

Bella giggled. "_Auntie_ James, but yes, you're right. Thankfully we have Emmett, too, though."

"Auntie Emmett?" I asked with a laugh.

"Probably not if we want to live," she replied with a snort.

"Well, as long as there'll be no Auntie Alice, it will be fine," I said. "Talk about ruining a kid…"

"I'd rather ruin _her_ for being a bitch to you," Bella grumbled.

"Down, kitty," I said, chuckling. "Though, if you ever do meet her, rest assured that you can take her down with one hand tied behind your back while pouring a Martini with the other."

"Good to know," she said with a nod. "Now, are you going to continue drinking before noon or are you going to keep me company while I make a cake for tonight?"

"Done drinking," I replied, standing up to clear away the glasses.

Back upstairs in our apartment, I watched Bella while she made the cake Charlie had chosen. When it was in the oven, I got the important task of going to the grocery store to get green sprinkles for it. Jake had been extremely laid back, but had taken his food very, very seriously. Everything had had to be exactly right – preferably tasting like his mom's cooking. If it wasn't, he either hadn't eaten it or just drowned it in ketchup.

Returning home with the sprinkles, I was almost man enough to admit that when Bella sprinkled them onto the cake, I got a little teary-eyed. _Green sprinkles of all things…_

Half the town – or maybe it was the whole town – showed up at Downstairs to see in the New Year. At first the mood was a little subdued as it seemed that Jake hadn't been kidding when he had told me that everyone in Forks always celebrated his birthday. After a few drinks, however, everyone loosened up. To my surprise, it wasn't a difficult night. Sue and Charlie both worked with Bella, James, Leah, and myself. It was a little crowded behind the bar, but every available hand was needed.

A booth in a corner had been claimed by Billy, Harry, Claire, and Seth. Soon they were joined by Rose, Emmett, Jessica, and Mike, who made sure that no one sat around brooding. From what I heard when I passed by the table once in a while, embarrassing stories were shared with great enthusiasm, and no one was safe from being laughed at.

When it neared midnight, Charlie told us to fill the counter with champagne glasses so the bar guests could help themselves. My father-in-law was a generous bar owner. Then we joined the others in their booth and had cake and champagne. We all had to swallow an extra time as we toasted to Jake, but then it was midnight and time to celebrate Charlie.

For the first time ever, I got a kiss at midnight, and I finally understood what all the fuss was about. Maybe we'd have to make it a daily tradition with kisses at midnight. Well, when Bella hadn't passed out before then, of course. All the noise from the bar disappeared when I looked into my pretty wife's eyes, and I couldn't help but think about the past year and everything it had brought me as well as taken away.

And what a year it had been. It had been the worst and the best and everything in between. I hoped the New Year had less of the bad and more of the good – being surrounded by my family and friends definitely meant that it was off to a good start. A year ago I had been in the desert, often feeling like the loneliest man in the world even when I was surrounded by my men. The contrast to now was staggering, especially considering everything that had happened between then and now.

I looked at Bella and smiled. The old year had brought me her, and for that I could never be anything but grateful. The New Year would bring us BC, which would be so amazing that I didn't have the words for it – even in my mind. A tiny little firecracker of our own. I'd be in so much trouble.

_Shit. Babies cried an awful lot. What if I was as allergic to BC's tears as his mom's? I was so screwed. _

Wisely deciding never to tell Bella about how her tears freaked me out the extent she could make me do anything when she cried, I focused on what was happening around me.

Charlie was opening presents and not doing a very good job of pretending like he wasn't as excited as a little boy. Harry gave him the recipe for firewater so he could sell it in the bar, and James gave him something in a pink gift bag that made him blush and quickly it tuck away under the table.

I had talked Bella into going large with Charlie's gift. We had gotten him and Sue a trip to Hawaii. Bella had claimed it was too expensive, but I had told her about the money I had from the Army and from my grandfather. And when I'd asked her if she could think of something better to spend it on than making the people we loved happy, she had sighed and told me that I didn't fight fair. Maybe that was correct, but in my defense, I had never claimed that I did.

I _might_ have smirked at my wife when Charlie opened our gift and declared it the best ever, much to James' disappointment. He even gave Sue permission to choose when they were going, which made her hug him, Bella, and me until we nearly choked.

A few days later, I was ogling my wife at the bar while I was supposed to be working. It happened a lot, and half the time someone caught me – often Bella herself. Despite that, I continued doing it. It was her fault, though – she was so goddamn beautiful, and any man would have done the same. Naturally, I would beat them to a pulp if they tried – or Bella would. She was fierce. But as far as I was concerned, ogling should be part of the marriage vows. I will ogle you till the day I die. Or turn blind.

Then James had to do what he did best – interrupt my ogling. He whistled as he passed me with some empty bottles. "DILF alert at nine o'clock. Here, take these, lamb chop, so I can serve and please him."

I rolled my eyes and took the bottles before he dropped them on the floor in his eagerness to flirt. He strutted over to the end of the bar closest to the entrance while I played errand boy and put the bottles away. Bella sent me a smile after she'd served Renee a Martini and was on her way over to me until another customer demanded her attention. Damn customers. I went to get another case for the empty bottles since the one under the bar was full. When I came back, I heard a voice across the room that made me freeze.

"Edward."

I looked up and met the cold, hard eyes of a man who didn't look the least bit happy to see his son for the first time in eight years.

"Dad."

He studied me with an unreadable look on his face, and I channeled the stone-faced soldier I'd once been as I tried not to squirm. What the hell was he doing here?

"Really, Edward? A bartender? Couldn't get a job sweeping trash off the street? I thought we'd raised you better," he started the rant that I should have been expecting, but somehow it still took me by surprise. "And what on God's green earth are you doing in this hole in the ground town?"

"Follow me," I said through gritted teeth, leading the way out back to the office. No fucking way was he embarrassing me any further in front of the people I served drinks to on a regular basis. Or even worse – in front of my wife.

"How dare you insult me like that when I'm working – and in front of customers and the people I work with?" I asked angrily the moment the door was closed behind us. "You don't even know me anymore."

"Of course I know you, Edward. You obviously haven't changed since you're still determined to throw away your life on useless jobs," he replied and glanced around the room, barely avoiding wrinkling his nose, although there was absolutely nothing wrong with the office. It was tastefully decorated, clean, and my stupid excuse of a father just showed that he was the world's biggest snob.

"You don't know anything about me," I told him.

"Was it too much to ask that you call and let us know you were out of the Army so we could stop worrying about you wasting your life overseas?" he asked, ignoring what I'd said and narrowing his eyes. "Your mother's nerves have been frazzled."

"Frazzled?" I asked in disbelief. "Excuse me, but if her nerves were frazzled or if you had worried about me at all, you could have come to see me when I was in the hospital. Then you'd know that I was out of the Army! I'm surprised they didn't tell you when you called to spy on me. That was really charming, by the way – about as charming as Alice visiting, but not wanting to see me. Who needs enemies in Afghanistan with a family like you guys?"

"You ungrateful little…!" he seethed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was something I had used to do, as well, but I had made an effort to ditch the habit once I'd realized where I'd picked it up.

"I wouldn't have called if we hadn't been worried," he said in a calmer tone.

"Calling behind my back suggests that you were curious, not worried," I replied, bitterly.

"You were the one who thought it wise to join the Army and go risk your life in another country," he pointed out.

"That's right," I said, straightening my back and raising my chin slightly. "And I never regretted it for a second. I'd still be in the Army if I could."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I snorted and turned my back to him. "It means that it's none of your business."

He was quiet for a moment while he studied me again.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Well, you weren't going to take the first step to reconcile with your family," he answered.

"You all but threw me out when I was eighteen and ignored me when I was badly wounded and in a coma! Why the hell would I want to reconcile with you?"

"You made a foolish decision," he said calmly. "We couldn't just clap our hands and smile."

"No one expected you to. But you could have supported me – been proud of me. Everyone else's families were," I said, trying to keep my voice from catching when I thought about what it was like seeing the others in my squad get letters and encouragement from home.

"You obviously needed no encouragement," he said, snorting.

"Unbelievable," I said, shaking my head. "There's nothing for you here. Nothing at all. You can go back home now and live your perfect life without having to worry or have _frazzled nerves_ about your black sheep son. Goodbye."

He almost took me on my word, but when he reached the door, he changed his mind and looked back at me. "Last chance, Edward. You can come with me. It's not too late to go to college and get a degree, which I'll pay for if you choose medicine or law. I'm sure we'll all forgive you if you apologize. There's obviously nothing for you here."

A bomb could have gone off, and I wouldn't have been more shocked. Was he for real? I wanted to kick his ass, scream at him…yet, in the end, I just sighed. "Like I said – you don't know anything about me. I'd rather go drown myself in the river than go anywhere with you. I have absolutely nothing to apologize for, and my whole life and everything that matters to me is here."

He huffed. "What? You've found some cheap waitress who knows about your inheritance from your grandfather? Please. You've disappointed everyone enough without falling into _that_ trap."

I saw red but forced myself not to raise my voice too much or the entire bar might hear. "Like Mom trapped you? Because if I remember correctly, she was a waitress when you two met. Yeah, it's hard to believe that you'd look at someone who wasn't a debutante, huh?"

"Do not disrespect your mother!" My dad thundered.

"Do not disrespect my wife!"

"Your wife?" he scoffed. "Are you seriously trying to disgrace your family in every way possible?"

"Don't say another word," I warned him. "You don't have the right. Bella didn't even know me when I was in Afghanistan, but she was the one who kept me sane. And my family is right here in Forks – not in Seattle – and they would never think that I was a disgrace for doing what I thought was right."

He pressed his lips together in a thin line before he said anything. "Some people are easily satisfied. That doesn't mean that we all need to be."

I clenched my hands at my sides. "That's true, and for a long time I was satisfied with a miserable excuse for a family. Luckily I upgraded, and now I'm happier than ever."

There was a knock on the door, and James breezed in. I didn't know what he wanted, but I didn't mind the interruption. My dad had the advantage on me since he'd had a chance to plan what he wanted to say. Surprise attacks were tactical advantages even at the best of times, and I had never in a million years expected him to show up, thus not ever having thought about what I wanted to say to him.

"Papa Swan says it's time to take out the trash," James said, cheerfully, and grabbed my dad's arm. He dragged my surprised father a few steps toward the door. "I can't believe I served you a drink. I should have just karate chopped you instead. And I'm allowed to say this. Papa Swan said so."

My dad pulled his arm away from James. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

James narrowed his eyes and put his hands on his hips. "That's none of your business. It's not like you introduced yourself to me, Mr. Crappy Dad."

"I think the real question is who the hell do _you_ think you are?" Charlie asked from the door. "I don't appreciate how you're treating my family, and I'd like you to leave my bar. If I ever see you around here again, I'll introduce you to either the sheriff or my hunting rifle, depending on my mood. James and I will show you the door since you seem to have a hard time remembering where it is."

Under loud protests from my dad, Charlie and James _escorted_ him out. I took a deep breath and wondered which deity to pray to for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. There were so many emotions running through me right then, and one of them was embarrassment. Another was anger. Most of them just blended together and made me incredibly exhausted. I attempted to gather my thoughts, but it was impossible. I needed more time, and right then I didn't have any at all since I was at work. I just hoped that the whole bar hadn't heard what had happened in the office.

Charlie and James had returned to work, but there was no sign of Bella when I came back out.

"Thank you," I said to Charlie and James. "I really appreciated your...help."

Charlie nodded. "Are you okay, son?"

I rubbed my temples and shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Where is Bella?"

"She went out to get some fresh air," James replied.

"Why don't you go out and find her?" Charlie suggested. "And when you do, you two take the rest of the night off. James and I can handle this."

"Thank you," I repeated, not in the mood to fight him. I just wanted my wife, and then maybe the urge to start bawling would go away.

I trudged up the stairs. Before I reached the top, I heard Bella's voice ring out.

"You know, I almost feel sorry for you," she said in a tone that bordered on scornful. "You have the most amazing son in the world, and you don't even realize or appreciate it. Edward is so loyal, brave, loving, and smart. He loves with his whole heart, and around here we're clever enough to love him back the same way – the way that you and the rest of your miserable excuse of a family don't, but the way that he deserves."

"Listen, young lady, I don-" I heard my dad say as I stood frozen on the stairs.

"No, _you_ listen!" Bella interrupted, angrily. "How can you even live with yourself? He was seriously wounded, in a coma, and fighting for his life, and you couldn't get past your ridiculous pride and go and see him? The thought makes me sick. By doing that, and by not supporting him when he made the bravest decision of all, you're defiling the memories of the sacrifices made by our troops. You're laughing in the faces of every soldier who comes back hurt from Iraq and Afghanistan, and you're dancing a jig on the very graves of those who gave their lives over there. You're mocking Edward's friends. You're belittling my brother's life! You should be ashamed of yourself, and I hope that you and your heartless wife and bratty little daughter rot in hell!"

"Yes, he's really brave," my dad sneered. "That's why he has a woman fighting his battles."

"He fought for all of us in Iraq and Afghanistan," she replied, and I could hear her voice catching. It made me unfreeze and hurry up the last stairs while she continued. "It's about time someone fought for him, don't you think? That's what real families do, after all – fight for each other. Love each other. Support each other. You should go catch up on the subject and leave Edward alone since you're not worthy of him anyway."

My dad was about to say something, but when he saw me rounding the corner, he closed his mouth.

"I think enough people have asked you to leave now. There's nothing for you here," I said to my dad.

He muttered something about ignorance, but left without anymore trouble. He still drove his black Mercedes, and once he was out on the road, he hit the gas and sped out of my line of vision. I was pretty sure that I had seen my father for the last time.

Once again, I felt like I couldn't contain everything that I was feeling inside. If they'd been there, red warning signs would have been flashing to warn everyone that something was about to explode. My heart knew what mattered most, but my mind couldn't decide whether to focus on my old family's lack of love or the total opposite from my new family. It was devastation, gratefulness, sorrow, love, anger, and several other feelings I hadn't yet identified that created the bomb threatening to go off inside. And I knew nothing about defusing bombs.

I felt Bella squeeze my hand. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. I didn't know what I was at that moment, but "okay" didn't sound right. I let my hand slide out of her grip and ran both my hands through my hair. It was freezing out, and I registered two things at the same time – the cold helped me calm down, and even if I hadn't been as smart, Bella was fortunately wearing a sweater.

It rapidly got darker as I stood staring at nothing and attempted to weed through my feelings. I felt…I felt…overwhelmed. The anger and sorrow was fading, mostly because I knew I should have expected bad instead of good from my dad. He had just caught me off guard because I hadn't expected him at all. Left was disappointment that he couldn't share my happiness, but clearest of all was the way Charlie, James, and especially Bella had stood up for me.

My chest hurt, overflowing with love for the woman who had promised me forever. I took a deep breath and looked at her. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears that reflected the streetlight above us. _Shit. Not the tears. _

I drew her into my arms and buried my nose in her hair. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to push you away. I'm just…my thoughts…they don't make a lot of sense right now."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Hormones," she muttered.

"Come on, let's go upstairs. Your dad said we could take the rest of the night off," I said and took her hand.

She followed me silently, and I felt terrible. It hadn't been my intention to shut her out, but I couldn't explain something to her that I couldn't even explain to myself. When we got upstairs and I had shut the door behind us, I let her take off her sweater before I pulled her with me to the couch. When she was seated on my lap, trying not to sniffle, I hugged her as close as I dared.

"I really am sorry, Bella. The way you just defended me…if only I could explain how it makes me feel."

"I didn't mean to overstep," she said softly and sighed. "He's just…hearing about him and hearing _him_ are two very different things. He's a horrible asshole, and I can't understand how you're related to him."

"You didn't overstep. You stood up for me like no one ever has before," I told her, cradling her cheek. "I love you so fucking much."

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against mine. "I love you, too. More than anything."

I knew that. It had been in every single word she had said to my dad earlier. I kissed her pretty lips.

"I'm just sorry that BC won't have two sets of grandparents spoiling him," I said. "I wish I could give him that, but I can't. And I'm sorry that my dad doesn't have it in him to treat you like Charlie treats me."

"Screw them," she said. "They're not worth it. Mom and Dad are up for the job of spoiling their grandchild double. Hell, triple if they had to. And I know those people gave life to you and raised you, but you have a family who loves you right here. You will always have BC and me, and we love you more than anyone ever could."

She pulled back and looked solemnly at me. She was so goddamn pretty, and I was relieved that the tears were gone. "You do know that I'll do anything to make you happy, right?" she asked.

I smiled at her as my heart threatened to explode. "I am the happiest man in the world, baby. There's no way my dad or anyone else can change that."

She hummed in agreement and snuggled closer. I pulled up a blanket around us and relaxed back into the couch. And when Bella fell asleep a few minutes later, I allowed my thoughts to fly and my mind to process what had happened. I was exhausted, but I needed to go over everything again in my mind. The one thing I concluded before I fell asleep, too, was that I needed another tattoo. A swan to symbolize my family.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading. Until next time!


	24. China White

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter in honor or Veterans/Remembrance Day. Please let the soldier in your life know how much you appreciate their service. And if you don't know one personally, I'm sure they'll enjoy the appreciation of a stranger anyway.

Lots of love and thanks to Sherriola for prereading this chapter for us. Thanks to everyone who continues to read, review, favorite and alert our little story. Your continued support means so much. Enjoy and see you at the bottom!

* * *

><p>When the Dust Settles<p>

Chapter 24

China White

"Indian princess, come on," James whined. "All of the good baby clothes will be bought up if we don't hurry, and then Baby Cullen will have to wear rags."

I snorted. "Because the millions of other baby clothes littering my apartment couldn't possibly clothe my infant three times over."

"It's all about options. If you were a girl, you'd understand this. However, since you're pretending to be one, you have no idea what I'm talking about." James sighed. "I've got my work cut out for me since you're her mother."

How I ended up in a nightmare where James questioned my status as a woman, and the diva thought my possible daughter was going to learn fashion tips from him I didn't know. The day had started off on a high note wrapped in Edward's arms.

As we finished up the breakfast dishes, James knocked on the door and insisted we open up. Edward let James in, and then somehow the sneaky diva convinced me we needed to shop for the baby. I don't know what I'd been thinking. Our apartment was bursting at the seams with all things baby, and I'd learned more about the different types of items that went along with infants than I'd ever cared to know.

I sighed. "Does the fact that my feet feel like they've grown two sizes in the past hour not bother you?

"Don't be so dramatic," James chastised. "Beauty is pain. Move it, Bella."

I stomped off toward the third baby store we'd been to that afternoon. Inside, it was the same as the others. Piles and piles of clothes, tons of toys, and other items that carried, pushed, or otherwise entertained a little one. It was overwhelming.

"Um, why do I need to buy everything today? You know Mom wants to have a baby shower eventually," I pointed out.

"Well, if you look at what is available for Baby Cullen, then you'll be able to tell people what to buy you." I was positive I detected a silent "duh" during James' rambling.

"Can't I just register online or something? I'm tired," I whined.

James shook his head in irritation. "How will you know from a picture if the shade is more rose than pink? Taking the time to look at the actual clothes is the only way to be sure."

"I'm going to lie down on a bench. I'm done. Come find me when you're finished."

He waved me off as I left the store, and I managed to keep the eye roll I wanted to send him internal when I found a bench close to the store and sat down. I had more energy nowadays, but coming out with James had been too much. He acted like I had the same energy he did. _Over assuming idiot_.

I sighed. I'd really wanted to spend time with Edward before we'd had to work at the bar, but that idea was quickly going out the window. James was the biggest cuddle-blocker of all time. I looked around, wondering if I could get away with really napping on the bench.

"Oh, look, Indian Princess!" James exclaimed, plopping his ass down next to me on the bench. He pulled a frilly, white piece of cloth full of ribbons and lace out of a shopping bag. Laying it out across his lap, I realized it was a small dress.

"What the hell is that?" I asked in an irritated tone, knowing that now my bench nap was not possible.

"It's a Christening dress, Bella," James said, rolling his eyes. "I've been searching for the perfect one practically forever. I finally found it, and it will look so lovely on her. And since you and Mr. Stud Muffin decided to have a tacky court house wedding, I'm going to wear my pink silk suit to the Christening—where Auntie James will be named our pretty princess's fairy godmother."

I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head, trying to find some patience for the fool.

"You are aware that being a _godfather_," I said, emphasizing the last word, "has nothing to do with fairytales, right?"

He waved me off. "Says you. Every little girl needs someone to swoop in and save the day in matters of fashion, and I'm the perfect person for the job. There is nothing you or your delicious husband can do to stop me."

I left the delusional diva to his insanity. Edward and I still had a few months to convince James that he was, in fact, way off base. I wondered what James would do if the baby turned out to be a boy.

_I almost wish we were having a boy so I could find out_.

~.~.~.~

"So, then, Mike asks if he can spank me. Can you believe the nerve of him?' Jessica asked.

"I take it you're not into kinky sex?" I questioned back.

"Um, kinky is fine. But when my husband wants to smack my ass, that's where I draw the line. Fucking idiot." Jessica huffed and crossed her arms.

I looked at the end of the bar, where Mike was sitting and talking to Edward and James. He glanced over at me and lowered his head. It was obvious he knew his wife was bitching about him. Stupid man indeed. He had to realize that Jessica would divulge all the dirty details because she always complained to me. I tried to hold in a laugh and failed.

"Well, Edward's never asked to spank me, so I guess I don't have to worry about him crossing that line."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "You're pregnant. Your husband wouldn't dare suggest it now. At least, I hope he wouldn't. Otherwise, I'd kick his ass. For real."

"And this is why I love your violent little ass."

"All I'm sayin' is, if Mike decides to follow through with spanking me, he better not go to sleep. I'll make Lorena Bobbitt look like a love sick fool."

I was glad Jessica and Mike had shown up at the bar. The night was slow and boring, and their crazy at times relationship made for great entertainment. Renee had even come in, but since my father wasn't working, she was pouting at the end of the bar.

Two strong, familiar arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I leaned back and melted into Rusty, resting my head on his shoulder as he absentmindedly rubbed my baby bump.

"Mike wants me to ask if it's okay for him to come down here and sit with you. He said you banned him from your side," Edward said, fighting a laugh.

"Did that pinhead tell you what he tried to do?" Jessica asked.

Edward buried his head into my hair, shaking with silent laughter. After a few moments, he composed himself and looked over at Jessica.

"Um, sort of."

"Well, did he tell you he wants to spank me? Spank me! Has that fool lost his damn mind?" Jessica's voice steadily rose with each word.

Edward had lost the grip on his control and was laughing hard. He let go of me and laid his head down on the counter, smacking his hand on the bar top.

"I'm glad my pain amuses you." Jessica deadpanned.

He lifted his head up. "From what I hear, Mike wasn't able to inflict any pain."

"Fuck you." Jessica glared. "You would find this funny. You're a man and all men are pigs."

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized, wiping his eyes with his hand. "It's just…the mental image I get every time I think about what would happen if he followed through is too much."

Jessica smiled and relaxed her posture. "I would kick his boring ass, wouldn't I? Okay, I forgive you for being stupid."

"Baby, can I please sit by you now? I'm sorry, and I'll never bring it up again." Mike thrust out his folded hands.

Jessica looked over at her husband, glaring at him.

"How are you going to make it up to me?" Jessica asked.

"Um, I'll buy you that necklace you wanted?" Mike said like it was a question, walking toward her.

"You mean the one that you said you'd rather shove a cucumber up your ass than buy?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Mike whispered.

Jessica put her finger on her chin, thinking over his offer.

"Knew I shouldn't have taken that cracked out fairy's advice," Mike muttered, loud enough for Jessica, Edward, and I to hear.

"What?" Jessica screamed. "James, get your fucking ass out here. Now!"

I glanced around, noticing for the first time, that the diva had slipped out sometime during Jessica's bitch fest. James had to know the shit had hit the fan, and he was about to be turned into ground beef. Jessica was pissed and out for blood.

"Do you mind if I go check the back? I have a diva to kill," Jessica said.

"Go ahead. Just…please. If you're going to spill blood, do it out in the parking lot. I don't want to have to clean up the gore."

"Yeah, I second that. It would most likely be me doing it, anyway," Edward said.

"Honey pie, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?" Mike asked.

Jessica sent him a frosty glare that made him cringe, effectively shutting him up. She hopped off the stool, went around the counter, and stomped to the back room. I looked up at Edward and the sound of things being thrown around, followed by a high-pitched scream, floated out to us.

Then, out of nowhere, James streaked through the bar, up the steps to the front door, and ran outside. Jessica was following close behind him, cursing as she chased him.

"Holy shit! I thought she was kidding!" Edward exclaimed.

"Uh, no," Mike said. "My wife is a vengeful little thing. James is in _so_ much trouble. I'm just glad I'm not the one facing her wrath at the moment."

"You stupid jackass," I said. "You should know better than to take anything James says to heart. Now he's going to die, and it'll be all your fault."

Mike hung his head, properly chastised.

"Bella." Edward tried to be the voice of reason. "I'm sure Jessica will end up forgiving James. Their probably out in the parking lot laughing at the situation right now."

I shook my head. "You have so much to learn."

The sound of a door slamming made us turn our heads. James jogged down the stairs, looking around frantically. His eyes locked on Edward, and he sprinted over to him.

"Please, I'm begging you. Hide me," he said, clasping his hands in front of him.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I faked like I was running into the woods and doubled back. Hurry! She's going to figure it out any minute. You can't let me die. I'm too pretty," James leveled Edward with puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, James. Where the fuck are you?" Jessica called out, coming down the steps.

James squeaked, diving behind Edward. My husband tried to push him off, but James was hanging on so tightly to Edward's shirt, it was like it was soldered on. I moved away from Edward, because I decided standing next to him was no longer safe. When Jessica realized that James was being shielded by Rusty, the claws were going to come out and both men would be shredded.

I walked around the bar just as Jessica entered the room. Sitting down beside Mike, I watched as she started checking under tables. I almost felt sorry for James but thought better of it. Maybe when Jessica kicked his ass, he'd think twice before he handed out unwanted sexual advice again.

"James, come out come out wherever you are," Jessica sang.

I glanced over at Edward, and he was holding his breath, standing like a statue. It was obvious that he finally realized Jessica wasn't playing around. I almost laughed at his expression but decided against it. If my friend figured out Edward had turned traitor, he would be caught in the crosshairs. Since I kind of liked having him around, I kept my lips pressed together.

A look of horror crossed Edward's eyes as Jessica moved toward him. Quickly he moved slightly to the right, revealing James. The diva screeched and started to back up, hitting the shelves where the bottles were stored.

"Now, Jessica," James said, raising his hands in surrender.

"Oh, no," Jessica said. "You're not talking your way out of this one."

She picked up the soda nozzle we used for mixed drinks and pointed it in James' direction. The cornered James held his hands up in surrender. An evil grin crossed Jessica's face as she pressed the button on the back of the nozzle. At the last second, James pivoted on his heel and ran in the direction of the front doors and out into the parking lot, leaving Edward in the spray's path.

"The fuck!" Edward screamed, moving away from the stream of soda water and holding his soaked shirt away from his body.

"Damn it!" Jessica pressed another button, turning the flow off. "I almost had him!"

"Congratulations. Now I'm soaked. What did I ever do to you?"

"You hid him." Jessica shrugged, placing the nozzle back in its holder. "Next time get out of my way."

"That's so fucking unfair." Edward huffed, wringing out his shirt. "I moved."

"Not fast enough by the look of your shirt."

"I'm going to go change. See if I ever make your drinks again."

I giggled at Edward's mumbling as he passed by me on his way to the apartment.

~.~.~.~

I took in the scene that was supposed to be my wedding reception. James had really outdone himself. The bar had been closed down that evening for the occasion. Everything that was nailed down had either been covered in pink cloth or decorated in some way with the hideous color. There were pale pink roses everywhere—stuck in vases on tables, in arrangements around the room, and even in my fucking hair. I'd drawn the line when James had suggested shopping for wedding dresses. I didn't see the sense in buying something I'd only ever wear to a glorified social gathering.

Instead, he'd tricked me into getting a strapless white gown. It was floor length and had a corset in the back. Somehow, he'd found the ball gown that was disturbingly close to what he wanted anyway. I'd thrown a fit until he threatened to frog march my ass downstairs naked.

Edward ended up in a black suit with a pink tie. He was dashing in the outfit, but he looked like he was going to a fancy party—not the groom of a wedding reception. I envied him. I looked like I belonged on top of a damn wedding cake.

Everyone we knew had been invited. Even though he'd created a pink nightmare, James had surprised me with how well organized the event was. First, we were to be served dinner, followed by toasts. Then he'd planned for cake cutting, bouquet tossing, and garter throwing. Afterwards, dancing and mingling with the crowd was on the list. I still wasn't sure how the dancing part was supposed to happen. There was no more room in the bar than there had been when Rose and Emmett got married. I chalked that up to James' need to make the impossible happen.

As I sat next to my husband eating, I glanced at the faces of our guests. The one face that was missing made me sad. The grief that always followed thoughts of my brother was more of a distant ache those days. It was all because of the man sitting next to me. He hadn't known it at the time, but when he'd come into our lives, he'd given us back something that we'd though was lost forever. Love and laughter.

He was just as broken as we were, but somehow, he was able to help us pick up the pieces and glue ourselves back together. At the same time, we'd done the same thing for him. Edward's own family didn't give a damn about him, and he was lost. We were a family that had lost a favorite son. He was the black sheep son who'd been kicked out of his family by no fault of his own. When we came together, it was like everything clicked. Nothing could replace Jake, nor could we completely fill the hole left by his family's absence in Edward's heart. Instead, we'd forged a bond and gained a closeness that couldn't be destroyed.

Dad stood up, raising his glass and clearing his throat. Everyone quieted down, and each person in the room gave him their full attention.

"Just a couple of months ago, I stood before you congratulating Emmett and Rosalie on their marriage as the best man, standing in for my son, Jake. This time, I stand before you as the father of the bride, getting ready to give words of advice and praise for Edward and Bella," my father said, giving us a pointed look. "Since these yahoos decided to run off to the courthouse to get married, I invoke my fatherly right to make the first toast."

I rolled my eyes at him.

He shook his head. "Now, there will be none of your attitude, missy. I didn't get to walk my daughter down the aisle. So now you have to suck it up and let me have this."

I softened, and Edward put his arm around my shoulder.

"Everyone sitting here today knows Bella. Hell, almost all of you watched her grow up from the cute girl she was into the beautiful woman she is today. However, even though most of you have met Edward, I'm not sure if you've heard how he officially came into our lives."

I reached up and squeezed the hand resting on my collar bone. Looking over at Edward, I saw a small smile on his face.

"Edward was Jake's Sergeant in the Army. He came to Forks months after Jake's death and Edward's subsequent stay at Walter Reed. The first time I saw him was in the diner. He was polite and nervous, and when he finally told me his reason for the visit, that was the day he earned my respect. I knew from that moment on he was an honorable man.

"Somehow, we convinced him to stay. It was entertaining to watch Bella push him away, knowing they were perfect for each other. This nut over here," he said, pointing to James, "even got involved. After that, it was hilarious. Sue, James, and I were convinced that they'd eventually get their heads out of their asses. We just didn't realize it'd be this soon."

The crowd laughed and Emmett shouted, "You can say that again!"

Dad snorted. "Now, I get the honor of calling Edward my son-in-law and have the peace of mind of knowing he'll take care of my little girl."

I teared up at his words, because I knew that he meant it. Edward had become like a son to him, and I was sure that he wouldn't have said that about any other man.

"So, Edward, here's my advice to you. As the father of the woman you married, I'd like to say that, even though I love you, I will shoot you if you hurt her."

Guffaws and chuckles filled the bar. "That being said, I know my daughter is just like her mother. The only wisdom I can impart as a married man is…well…I'm sure you and I will be doing a lot of inventory together in the coming years."

Mom smacked Dad on his ass, sending shivers of revulsion down my spine. Sometimes I really wished that my parents would behave in public.

I turned to Edward to say something, but he stopped my words with his lips. A chorus of "Aw's" surrounded us, but I didn't pay attention to them. I was lost in my husband's kiss.

When we separated, I saw that Emmett was standing with his glass raised. "Okay, I'm kinda miffed that I didn't get to be the best man, because I know I was a shoo in."

Everyone chuckled.

"But I'm so glad you both finally saw what was in front of you. I know you'll be as happy as I am with my Rosie. Bella, we've known each other for a long time. You've always been like a sister to me, and I give you the same promise. I don't care if Edward was a big, bad Sergeant. Charlie and I will practice our target shooting with his ass if he ever hurts you."

I laughed, looking over at Edward. He shook his head in amusement.

"Edward, you've become a good friend. We're all so lucky that you decided to live here. You've brought back the snarky, sarcastic Bella we all know and love, minus the bitterness, and I speak for everyone when I say thank you. I am positive that Jake is looking down on the both of you right now smiling. He would have loved the idea of the two of you being together."

Emmett sat down as the crowd applauded. Tears came to my eyes once again. _Damn hormones_. Edward kissed my temple and pulled me closer.

James stood up next, and Edward groaned. I nudged him, silently asking him to behave.

"I had a speech all planned out for when Edward and Bella got married. However, I had to ditch it when they decided to have a tacky courthouse wedding, denying me my right to be the maid of honor. So, I'm going to have to wing it." James huffed.

"Hush it, bitch. I was going to be Bella's matron of honor," Jessica called out.

"Nuh-uh," Rose said. "She's my best friend."

"Fuck you all!" Leah yelled. "I'm family. I was maid of honor by default!"

"And this is why we got married at city hall," I whispered to Edward.

He chuckled. "God, I'm so glad we did. This reception is bad enough. Our wedding would have been hell if James planned it."

"Excuse me, ladies. I'm trying to make a speech here." James glared, crossing his arms. "Anyway, I knew from the beginning that they were meant for each other. Well, that is, after I figured out Edward was straight."

Edward shook his head and mouthed "fuck you."

James rolled his eyes at Edward and me. "I pushed them together every change I got. It took some time, but eventually, they cracked like I knew they would. Now, they're blissfully married and about to be blessed with a daughter."

"A son!" Edward yelled.

James shook his head. "This is the part where I'd read a poem, but Papa Swan says I can't. So, instead, I just want to say that you, Edward and Bella, give me hope that true love really does exist."

Edward wiped a tear from my eye. What was it with these people, trying to make me cry? I leaned into my husband, hoping to calm down.

"Um, I'd like to say a few words as someone that has known Edward for years," Jasper began nervously as he stood up. All eyes went to him, and I was curious as to what he'd say. Edward furrowed his eyebrows in question, probably thinking the same thing I was.

"I'm sure I'm not the best person to do this. Everyone is probably aware of the strain on Edward's and my friendship, but I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you, man. You've managed to find a woman that loves you and a family that has your back. That's a rare thing in this world, and I hope that you know how lucky you are. Hold on to it tight and never let go. If Carlisle and Esme weren't so stuck on themselves, they'd probably tell you the same thing.

"And, Bella, thank you. I know most of you wouldn't see it, but you've brought the light back into Edward's eyes. It's something I haven't seen since we were kids, and it's nice to see it has returned. You really are his savior. Please, take care of him like he should be because we, meaning his family and me, were too self-involved to do it."

Jasper sat back down. He looked over at me, and I mouthed, "I will" at him. Jasper nodded his head at me, smiling.

The rest of the night was less emotional. Edward and I talked with our guests and cut the cake. At first, Edward acted like he was going to shove the piece of cake in my face, but he didn't. It was a good thing, too. I wasn't above pushing him into it, making our wedding an almost exact replica of Emmett and Rosalie's, well, minus me getting cake on my dress.

As things were winding down, Edward and I ended up sitting with Emmett and Rose, Mike and Jessica, Mom and Dad, Jasper and Leah, and James. Our conversation had started out with everyone congratulating us individually, but Edward ended up retelling the story of his father's visit.

"Man, I wish I'd have been here when he showed up. I'd have had a few choice words for him," Emmett said.

"Yeah, it sound like someone needs to be taught some manners," Jessica agreed, nodding her head.

"That's so fucked up. I can't believe your own family abandoned you. I know it's probably not worth much, but Jessica and I are here for you if you need us," Mike offered.

"Thanks, Mike. Your support is worth more than you'll ever know," Edward said.

"Oh, I wish that man would come back. How dare he talk to one of my children that way?" Mom seethed.

"Mom, it's okay," I said, patting her hand across the table. She sat back and kept her mouth closed, but I could see the wheels in her head spinning. Mom was not going to let it go, and God help him if Edward's father showed up again. He was going to be the diner's Thursday Mystery Special.

"I'm used to it. Nothing I did was ever good enough for Carlisle or Esme Cullen. If it didn't make them look like parents of the year, they couldn't be bothered with it. It was all an illusion, anyway. Neither one of them were fit to take care of a house plant," Edward said.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I think a plan to take out your crappy father is in order. I was doing some research last night, and I have the perfect way. I say we go Mafia on his ass and fit him with cement boots, then throw him in the ocean," James said.

"I appreciate your concern, James," Edward said. "But I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison."

"Oh, butter butt, your sweet face will never see the inside of a jail cell. You have much more important things to do, like keep Indian princess happy and be a father to our pretty, pretty princess. I'm more than happy to do it all myself," James explained.

Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Um, he picked that nickname out the other day," I said.

"I'm having a boy," Edward said, enunciating each word.

"Whatever, stud muffin. You and Bella are the brother and sister I always wanted, and no one messes with my family. I love Bella enough to kill for her, and I feel the same way about you."

"Thanks, James, but I don't want you to end up in prison. Who else is going to annoy the shit out of me?" Edward asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Everyone laughed.

"Oh, if he shows his face again, I'm helping James. Those bastards don't deserve you," Rose said.

"Fuck yeah. We'll go all Godfather on his ass," Jessica added.

"The man doesn't stand a chance if he comes back," Dad said.

I looked over at Jasper and noticed he seemed uncomfortable. Edward and the others were busy planning Carlisle's fictional death, but Jasper sat in silence. I wondered what he thought about the conversation going on. I remembered, at one time, he was somewhat a part of Edward's family, too. While he didn't seem like the person Edward had described as a crappy best friend, I still wasn't sure where his loyalties lied. He'd been back and forth since he'd first come to see Edward. Besides spending time with Leah, he hadn't been around much the past couple of months.

When Edward's Dad showed up, we didn't really question how he'd known where Edward had been all this time. Since then I'd been trying to figure out who had told him about Edward's whereabouts. Carlisle had no idea Edward was living in Forks the last I knew. So, his arrival to Forks was suspect at best. I really didn't want to accuse Jasper of throwing my husband under the bus, but I couldn't figure out how else Edward's father would have known he was there. The evidence was beginning to point in Jasper's direction.

I was going to keep my eye on Jasper. It was becoming clearer each passing day that my first instinct about the man was correct. He wasn't worthy of Edward.

Jasper had better hope I was wrong.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! Until next time. :)<p> 


	25. Raging Indian

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thanks to Sherryola for pre-reading - she's the best! We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and would like to wish you a happy and joy-filled 2013. :) Thanks for all your support in 2012.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25 – Raging Indian<strong>

**EPOV**

Tribal men wearing loin cloths and animal bones tied into their curly hair woke me up by playing their little bongo drums really loudly. That was the usual image I had in my head when I woke up with a hangover. I didn't know why I'd started conjuring it up after drinking too much, but it had been a long time since I had last seen it.

I groaned and squeezed my eyes completely shut as the pain rolled over me in waves. The nausea followed, and I swore that I was never drinking again. Again. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was sure I'd sworn that before.

Something blew into my ear. I startled and did what I had planned never to do again – opened my eyes. Before I could focus, something tickled my nose, and I swatted my arm at whatever it was. Then it giggled and came into focus. I groaned. James. With a large, pink feather. Not wearing a shirt. God, I hoped he was at least wearing pants. I wasn't feeling well enough to deal with him _airing his junk_ again. Actually, I was never well enough for that.

"Gooooood morning, doll face," he sang, cheerily.

I closed my eyes and turned my head so I could bury my face in the pillow. "Go away. I'm dead."

"Ha! Like I'd let you die and leave my Indian princess a widow," he said, snorting. "So, I'll trade you coffee and Aspirins for the story of why you're sleeping out here on the couch."

I opened my eyes again. Coffee and aspirins sounded like heaven, but he was right. I was on the couch outside our apartments. Trying to remember the previous night made my head hurt even worse than it already did. Had I just collapsed out here when I'd gotten back from…shit, where the hell had I been? The bar? No, it had been closed because of the leaky pipe that had caused so much damage on the floor that Charlie had had to close for a few days. Port Angeles. That's where I'd been. With Emmett. And we'd obviously been drinking. And…oh. Everything came back to me in one big wave. Crap.

I'd pissed off Bella. And she'd pissed me off. That was why I was sleeping on the couch.

I covered my face with my hands and winced as I remembered the hurtful things we'd said to each other the previous night. It had started out with a stupid thing, but then it escalated to a point where none of us wanted to save it.

A pipe had started leaking in the bar, and when Charlie had noticed it, he'd called me to help him move the furniture and stuff so nothing else got damaged. It would take a few days to fix, and until then the bar would be closed. Somehow, Emmett had discovered that, and we'd made plans to go to Port Angeles. He wanted to introduce me to some of Jake's old school buddies. I'd readily agreed and had looked forward to a night on the opposite side of the bar counter.

Then I'd told Bella about my plans. She, too, had learned about the closed bar, and she'd made her own plans. Unfortunately they involved me. She expected me to drop my plans, and I told her that I wouldn't dream of it. Fast forward through a lot of yelling, and suddenly I was as hopeless as my family, and she was boring because she couldn't drink while she was pregnant. We were really classy when we fought, apparently. She'd been screaming at me when I slammed the door and left.

In a bar in Port Angeles, I'd been drowning my anger and guilty conscience. Jake's old friends from school were a riot, and once I'd managed to forget about the mess I'd left at home, I'd had a good time. Well, decent time. Okay, I'd felt like an idiot the whole evening. Emmett had delivered me drunk out of my mind outside the building, and I'd been dead set on apologizing to Bella.

The first thing that had gotten in my way was the stairs. Climbing them while drunk was harder than one might think. I'd scraped my knuckles and bumped my knee twice before I got all the way up to the front door. Then followed the fine art of unlocking a door. Who decided to make keyholes so small, anyway? After a lot of fumbling, I had realized my problem. One, I'd forgotten my keys, and two, the door was unlocked.

I remembered wondering why it was unlocked before I'd turned the lock myself. The next door – the one to our apartment – was not unlocked. And no matter how much I banged on it, Bella didn't open up. She also didn't pick up her phone.

That was how I'd ended up sleeping on the couch outside the apartment and woken up by James.

"So, do I get the story or not?" James prodded.

"Or not," I replied. "Go away."

"Nope. This is every bit as much my couch as it's yours," he claimed and sat down on top of my legs.

Kicking my legs, I managed to push him down. I glared at him as he just scrambled back on top of my legs. "Technically, this couch is Charlie's as he owns the building. And since he's my father-in-law, it's more mine than it's yours."

James cackled. "Papa Swan loves me more than he loves you. Everyone does."

"You're delusional," I muttered, kicking him down again and turning around so I could bury my face in the pillow.

He retaliated by pulling off my blanket.

"I swear to God I will kill you if you don't leave me alone," I told him.

"I'm too pretty to die, and you love me too much," he claimed, dumping the blanket over my head.

"I'm loving you less and less by the second," I warned him, pushing the blanket away and sitting up since apparently I wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Not sleeping in a real bed made my back protest, and I winced.

"Awww, but you _do_ love me," he sang and tackled me until he was squeezing every bit of air out of me.

"Dammit! Get off me!"

He giggled. "I always dreamed of wrestling with you in a bed, but a couch will do."

"You have two seconds to move away, or I'll pretend that you're an enemy that needs neutralizing. Your choice," I said.

"Oooh! Soldier speak. I love it," he said and squeezed harder.

His two seconds were up, and in another two, I had him face-down with his hands twisted behind his back.

"Mmmm, so rough. My fluffy handcuffs are in my bedside drawer," he said, slightly muffled as he tried to wiggle. "I also have a whip!"

I sighed. My headache had stopped being a headache, and it was now an earthquake mixed with equal parts road construction, heavy metal concert, and the flu inside my head. It wasn't fair that I had to deal with the damn diva feeling like that. All I wanted was some sleep, maybe followed by a shower, some coffee and Aspirin, and a trip down to the diner for something greasy. Then I'd probably be able to deal with James. Somewhere in all of that I also needed to squeeze in some making up with Bella. In fact, I should probably put that on top of my list of things to do.

Releasing James abruptly, I got on my feet and went over to the door. It was still locked, so I knocked.

"Hey, I was enjoying myself," James called out. "And don't you just feel stupid insisting on keeping that evil dead bolt when I could have picked the lock for you if it hadn't been there?"

"Don't you have anywhere you need to be?" I asked, desperately.

"Nope," he replied, cheerily. "This is better than _Days of Our Lives_. If I'd watched an episode last year, maybe I'd know what was going on. Did someone cheat? Do you have the same father? Did you get kidnapped and held for ransom? Are you dying from a mysterious disease?"

Instead of using my fists, I banged my head into the door. It wasn't my brightest idea ever as my head already hurt, but I figured that maybe I could at least knock myself out so I didn't have to take part in this nightmare any longer.

Finally, I heard the lock being turned. I wasn't quick enough to move away from the door, so when it opened, I stumbled and fell face first into the entryway carpet. Bella thankfully stepped back so I didn't knock her over. Maybe it was where I belonged – on my knees in front of her. It was impossible to tell if she agreed, as she just turned on her heel and walked back into the apartment. Scrambling to my feet, I was relieved when I could close the door behind me. That was one problem taken care of, at least – no more crazy diva to make my headache worse.

After a quick detour into the bathroom, I followed the scent of frying bacon and found Bella in the kitchen. I was pretty sure she knew I was there, but she ignored me. Since I didn't know what to say, I ignored her back. It might be a new day, but apparently we hadn't wised up and moved past our Kindergarten behavior. Of course, Bella was probably trying to break me. Along with her tears, her silence was not something I was very good at handling. Unfortunately for me, she probably knew that.

The road construction was still suffering through an earthquake and attending a death metal concert in my head, and I couldn't figure out if I should apologize or wait for her to apologize. We'd been equally nasty the previous night, and I couldn't remember who had started it.

I groaned and shook my head while I watched her prepare breakfast with her back to me at all times - even when she would have normally turned around to grab something. It was getting painful to be so petty when all I wanted was to grab my wife and kiss her. And touch her stomach. Since BC had popped out to show himself as a cute bump almost overnight, I had developed some kind of addiction to touching it. I didn't know what it was, but I just couldn't help myself.

_Fuck it. _

I walked around the counter so it wasn't separating me from Bella. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things last night. I didn't even mean them…I was just mad. "

Her hands paused in the middle of making that smelly green tea she claimed would stop her feet from swelling too much during the pregnancy. She was very reluctant to admit that it didn't taste very good, but she couldn't deny that it smelled like crap.

"We need to pick up some class somewhere to teach us to fight fairly. We can't ever let BC hear us be that ugly. He or she will grow up and be completely fucked up in the head because we're idiots," she said, turning around slowly without looking up. "I know that you managed to get away from hopeless parents without being fucked up, but luck might run out with the next generation, and I really don't want to ruin our baby."

_Uh oh_. Warning bells were going off in my head, and I had flashbacks of a crying, slightly hysterical Bella, who was sure we were going to fuck up our child. This time, there were no tears. _Yet_. I had to steer her away from the slippery and perhaps teary path, though. Firecracker tears and a hangover…ugh…just no. I'd rather go through basic training again with a bad leg _and_ a hangover.

I waited until she looked up. "We're not going to fuck up BC. Instead of insulting each other like we're still in high school, we'll just have food wars instead. Or water fights. I don't know. We'll figure it out. Practice makes perfect, right? Maybe that just goes for fights, too."

She looked so unconvinced that I nearly laughed. I couldn't blame her, though, as I had no idea where food wars and water fights came from.

"I'm sorry, too." She bit the inside of her cheek. "And if you think we're teaching BC to throw food when he or she is mad, you can take another few nights outside on the couch as well as clean up after those food fights."

"All right, no food fights," I amended. "Just one question because my brain isn't working properly today. Are we still fighting?"

Bella snorted. "Last night I wondered briefly why I kept you around. Now I know. It's for entertainment purposes."

"Ouch," I deadpanned.

She giggled and took a step closer so she could bury her face against my chest. "I woke up wanting to still be mad at you, but then I realized that I had as much blame, if not more. It was really annoying. And comparing you to those people in Seattle who happened to give you life was the shittiest thing I could have said. You're nothing like them."

"And you're not boring because you can't drink when you're pregnant," I replied.

"I know. And don't you forget it."

The temptation was too great to resist, and I slowly backed her up against the counter. I had been denied her all night, and we had nowhere we needed to be all day since the bar was closed. I grinned when I bent down to kiss her. A little sigh escaped her. Cutest damn thing ever. She tasted a little of toothpaste and a lot of firecracker. Even if I lived to be a hundred, I'd never tire of her taste. Or her adorable little sounds. Or her smell or the way her body felt pressed against mine. Even with the BC bump, we fit perfectly.

"Mmm…Edward…we need…breakfast," she managed to get out between kisses.

"Breakfast is overrated." I kissed her throat. "Besides, you taste so much better than pancakes."

She moaned. "Bacon."

Chuckling, I sucked at the base of her neck hoping I could get a little mark in before she noticed. Then I looked up. "Bacon?"

"Huh?" Her eyes were hooded, and she looked a little dazed. Man, I was good.

"Yeah, that's what you said a moment ago," I replied, sneaking a hand under her t-shirt. Her skin was warm, soft, and just begging to be touched.

"Oh. Oh!" The look in her eyes cleared, and she pushed me away. "I'm burning the bacon."

"Screw the bacon." It flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about anything except the fact that Bella was no longer in my arms. However, the look she sent me over her shoulder had hints of inventory-doing. _My_ inventory-doing. "What?" I asked.

"I'm starving," she replied, busy getting the no doubt very crispy bacon off the heat. "Can you make some toast?"

"Toast? You want toast?"

She looked at me, curiously. "What's wrong with toast?"

"Nothing. Just…you were present a moment ago, right?" I had been under the impression that she'd been enjoying herself as much as I had, and when we did, things usually went in one direction – a direction that had nothing to do with bacon and toast. Maybe it was because my brain was still trying to catch up, but I was thoroughly confused.

She looked almost apologetic when she spared me a glance while starting on the eggs. "I'm sorry, but I'm just really, really hungry. Eating for two and all that crap, remember?"

I nodded slowly to her back. And then I watched in equal parts horror and fascination as she sprinkled chopped pickles and M&Ms into the eggs. Clearly, my wife had been adducted by aliens and replaced by an alien who looked exactly like her. Or maybe the bongo drum-playing men in my head had barbecued my brain and eaten it as a snack. Who did you call in such an emergency? The police? Animal Control? NASA?

"Edward? Edward!" she called, staring at me like I was crazy. _Ahem._ "The toast. Where's your head today?"

I decided not to answer and just went to make the toast. I had no idea how to deal with alien wives, but feeding them sounded like a wise idea.

Foolishly, I'd thought that the pickle/M&Ms eggs were just for Bella. But no. They appeared on my plate, too. Alien Bella stabbed them and ate with great delight.

"I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner," she said, humming appreciatively. "Eggs go so nicely with something sweet and something sour, don't you think?"

"Um…" I cleared my throat and looked at the eggs. One bite probably wouldn't kill me. After all, I'd lived through Army slobber for years. Taking a deep breath, I took a bite. Cringed. Chewed. Swallowed. And then I took another bite. That stuff wasn't half bad.

"See? I told you," Bella said, dipping her bacon into her nasty tea.

The bacon tea was my limit, but I couldn't deny that the eggs were pretty good. I wondered if it was normal for guys to jump onto the weird pregnancy cravings wagon. Maybe I needed to do some research. Soon. Right after I'd finished what we'd started earlier. There were other cravings to be satisfied.

Bella and I invited Sue and Charlie over for dinner since we didn't have work. Somehow, I'd ended up in charge of the cooking, and frankly, cooking for Sue Swan was enough to make anyone nervous. I wasn't stupid enough to try something elaborate – instead I'd decided just to stick with what I knew. Italian. I'd be making lasagna and tiramisu. Well, if Bella didn't eat all the lady fingers first.

Charlie joined me in the kitchen a few minutes after he and Sue had arrived.

"This feels weird," he said when I'd offered him a beer. "Call me sexist, but I'm used to it being the women folk gathering up in the kitchen to gossip while the men have a drink in the living room."

I laughed. "I wouldn't let Bella and Sue hear that."

"Hell no," he said, snorting. "Well, since it's the other way around here today, put me to work. Wouldn't want it to be known that I'm the only one never cooking."

"Actually, I'm nearly done. But if you want a bit of the credit, you can put the rolls in the oven."

He nodded and completed the task while I finished up the salad.

"Actually I wanted to ask you something," he said, still fiddling with the oven dials. Then he straightened up and looked at me. "Sue and I haven't had a real vacation in years, so we're anxious to use your generous gift. We were going to close the bar and the diner while we were gone, but Bella protested. Sue and I talked it over again, and we agreed to let Bella have her way. Somewhat."

"Does Bella know about the _somewhat_ part?" I asked, curiously wondering if there'd be another display of the glorious firecracker temper soon.

"Ah, no," Charlie admitted. "She claims that being in charge of everything while we're gone won't be a problem, and I'm sure it wouldn't, but that's not how things are going to go. It's too much stress for her. Especially now."

I nodded, agreeing completely, while taking the lasagna out of the oven. I still had no idea how Sue and Charlie had done it all these years, managing two businesses as well as a family.

"That's why she's only getting the diner," he continued. "And Leah has solemnly sworn not to allow Bella to overdo it, even if she has to use the office as a holding cell or call you or James as reinforcements. We're hoping you'll look after the bar."

Trust and responsibility right there. Even if I had wanted to, there was no way I could say no. I could still spend part of the day in the diner making sure that Leah could handle Bella. God knew her stubbornness could easily prove a challenge to all of us if she decided so.

"I won't let you down," I promised.

Charlie shook his head, smiling. "Don't be stupid, son. That's the last thing on our minds. If you'd rather have the time off, you can try convincing Bella…"

"No thanks," I replied quickly. "I value my life. Besides, I like working at the bar."

"Smart man," he said. "Although you did just agree to take on James on your own, so maybe _smart_ isn't the right word, after all."

I paled as he laughed. Well, that was going to be…an experience. I'd have to threaten to unleash Sue on his wardrobe to keep him in line. Running to Bella was definitely not an option – not just because after working all or most of the day at the diner, the last thing she needed was not being able to relax in the evenings. But also because I'd never live it down if I couldn't handle the diva on my own.

Then I forgot all about my manly pride and reversed back to fear. Charlie helped me put the food on the table where, a few moments later, I anxiously watched Sue take her first bite of dinner. I'd cooked for different people over the years, even for my own mother, but Sue's opinion mattered. In fact, it mattered not only like I was a contestant on _MasterChef_, but also because I was a little boy inside, eager for his mommy's praise. God knew I had never received much of it growing up.

_Fucked up? Yes, sir. _

"Charlie, we made a mistake," Sue said after having swallowed the first bite of lasagna. "A big one."

He was happily munching on his food, but spared her a brief look between bites. "Oh?"

"Clearly, we should have asked Edward to look after the diner instead of the bar," she said, smiling at me. "This is amazing, dear. I didn't know you were such a great cook."

"I told you, Mom," Bella said, attacking a roll with great enthusiasm.

"You're in love with the man. You're supposed to think he's great at everything. That doesn't mean it's true," Sue rationalized. "Edward, we'll have to compare recipes sometime."

Both Charlie and Bella thought that was hilarious, but I just smiled at Sue and nodded. Screw them. I'd join a book club and wear a frilly apron for Sue if she asked me to.

Once I'd gotten Sue's seal of approval, I could relax and enjoy dinner. It was everything a family dinner was supposed to be, and since there was nothing wrong with my memory, I made a point of enjoying myself.

Bella took it well when Charlie and Sue told about how they'd decided to divide the business responsibilities. It was probably because she was plotting to stick her nose in bar business anyway, but I wouldn't be backing down. She needed her rest, and I needed to prove to myself and, whether they liked it or not, to show Sue and Charlie that I was worthy of their trust.

"And if James gives you any trouble, you just leave him to me when we get back," Sue said. "I love that boy to bits, but I swear he's responsible for every gray hair on my head."

"You don't have any gray hairs," Charlie said, squinting his eyes as he looked at his wife's hair.

Sue smiled sweetly at him. "I love you even more for pretending you don't know that I dye my hair."

"Oh no," Bella muttered. "Gag alert. I think my morning sickness just resurfaced."

Chuckling, I watched Sue and Charlie lean in and kiss. I thought it was awesome how they were still in love and not afraid to show it. Had they been my parents, I might have felt more like Bella did, though. I didn't know since I couldn't remember ever seeing my parents kiss or hug. I might have seen them smile at each other, but not lovingly. I sighed to myself. I really had to stop thinking about them. They didn't give a fuck, and neither did I.

Serving the tiramisu made the kissing stop. Of course, it also made Bella start making those cute – _and not so cute_ – little sounds that made me wish her parents weren't there. My reaction to her licking her spoon wasn't really something that should be happening in the near vicinity of them, either. I didn't kick her like I wanted to, but I did glare at her. That only made her grin evilly and continue with the sounds and the licking. She was no longer an alien – she was the devil.

And the devil was going to pay as soon as the parents went home.

March arrived with James spending every quiet moment at work making St. Patrick's Day decorations. He cut, glued, applied glitter, and strung together until Charlie yelled at him to take all his crap somewhere else. Apparently James was a huge fan of shamrocks and leprechauns. Why they needed glitter, I couldn't figure out, but Bella told me how he always went all out for his favorite drinking holiday.

Personally, I was excited, too. Not for drinking beer, wearing green, and singing along to jolly songs you didn't know the words to anyway. No. Much more important things were taking place in early March. I was winning the most important bet of my life.

The night before the ultrasound appointment that would prove to the world that I was right when I claimed that BC was a boy, I had the weirdest dream. It started out nice enough with me holding the cutest little girl with big brown eyes, brown corkscrew curls, and the most adorable dimples in the world. She had a bubbly laugh and looked exactly like Bella. On the front of her onesie it said _BC_ in big, pink letters.

Then, as I watched in horror, the baby grew older until she was a teenager. I had to let her go, and when I did, it started crawling with boys who were asking her out, putting their soon-to-be cut off hands on her, making her giggle, and bringing her presents. Before I knew it, she was fully grown, pregnant, and telling me that she'd gotten married. Even as I saw myself shooting the bastard husband, I knew it sounded weirdly familiar.

And that was when I woke up with a gasp. The bedroom was dark, and I felt as if I'd been in a sauna. From the sound of her even breathing, Bella was still sleeping beside me, and it calmed me somewhat as I realized two things. One, I was pretty fucking lucky that Charlie hadn't shot me in the ass, and two, in case I was somehow wrong about BC being a boy, I needed to research some of those Thai websites about sex changes. I just wasn't cut out to have a daughter. At least not in the first try. A man had to build up experience for something like that.

I turned on the lamp on the bedside table and took a drink of water from the bottle next to it. But BGC, as I was dubbing Baby Girl Cullen, sure had been cute. She'd looked exactly like Bella, and I was pretty sure that she wouldn't even need tears to get me to do anything she asked. Putting the bottle back on the table and turning the light back off, I started wondering what BBC – Baby Boy Cullen – might look like. He'd be the cutest baby in the world, of course. Perfect. Never crying. Sleeping through the night. Kicking the diva when he was being annoying.

I settled back under the covers, reaching for Bella to hold her close. My mind wouldn't shut up, though. No matter how hard I tried to focus on a little boy, the little girl from my dream kept taking his place. Stroking my palm over Bella's stomach, I silently begged for my sanity and my baby boy.

The last thought that went through my mind before sleep claimed me, was an image of my baby boy throwing a fit because he wasn't allowed to dress up in a pink, frilly dress that glittered and smelled like candy floss.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Thanks for reading. See you next year!


	26. Queen Bee

It's that time again! (And it's about time, right? lol.) DivineInspiration and I, again, would like to thank our readers for their continued support and patience with us. Going back to school, new jobs, and family commitments have eaten up our time recently, and while it's no excuse for making you wait this long, it's all we got. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck with us, and for the ones who have recently added us to their favorites, alerts, and left reviews, we appreciate them and hope you're enjoying our story.

Thanks to our prereader, Sherriola. The comments we get back with each chapter we send her make our day. This story would suck without you, doll!

P.S. All errors belong to shelikesthesound this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>When the Dust Settles<strong>

**Queen Bee**

**Chapter 26**

The day of the sonogram had finally arrived, and we were about to find out baby's sex once and for all. That was, if he or she decided to cooperate. I'd heard stories from patrons in the bar, after I started showing, telling me how they had to wait until after birth before they knew if their child was a boy or a girl. I really, really hoped BC was willing to give us a peek because I was tired of the war of the sexes between the two yahoos I called husband and best male friend.

The insistence that they were right, and the other was wrong, was beginning to grate on my nerves. I almost wished there was a third option for humans; it would have been priceless for both of them to have to eat their words. But, alas, I was going to have to deal with one of them gloating, and I really wasn't looking forward to it.

Edward, though, had been acting strange since we'd woken up that morning. I'd asked him if something was wrong, but he'd just brushed me off. I'd decided to let it go, thinking he had been nervous about the appointment. I figured he'd tell me if he needed my support.

By lunch time, I was ready to explode from drinking so much water. Stupid doctors and their stupid instructions. I'd tried to pace myself, but Edward kept insisting I drink more, and I started gulping it down just to shut him up. I knew I was harsh sometimes in regards to Edward. I felt bad, but pregnancy hormones were a bitch, and I couldn't help snapping at him.

Mom brought over our plates, and I scowled at my husband. Like always, he was given his usual burger and coleslaw. _Bastard_. I, on the other hand, had some kind of steamed vegetables set down in front of me. My mother had taken the whole "eating healthy" bullshit too fucking far.

Not only was she messing with my food at the diner, but she'd extended her reach to my own home. Edward, the fucking tattletale, had mentioned my heavenly M&M and pickle omelets to my mother, and she about hit the roof. After she went off on me, stating that I should watch what I eat because it wasn't good for the baby, Edward tried to explain that he was just worried and wanted to make sure that kind of thing was normal.

_Yeah, right. Fucker just wanted to make sure I suffered because he had to wait three extra days to get his precious coleslaw back during the Great Coleslaw Embargo. I'm on to you, Sergeant Jerkface_.

I stabbed the pile of mushy vegetables in front of me, taking my frustration out on them instead of the man sitting across from me. He was wisely staring at his plate and eating quietly. He was, no doubt, hoping he wasn't drawing attention to himself, much like he would have if he was trying to hide from the enemy. Fucking Army training.

Edward cleared his throat, blowing my observation sky high. "You should drink more of your water. We have to leave after we get done."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, like I haven't already consumed enough to fill one of those kiddie pools already."

"Aw, it hasn't been that much," he said, smiling. "The doctor said you have to drink—"

I cut him off with a glare. "I know how much she said I have to drink. Between stretching my bladder to full capacity with liquid, and your child using it as a trampoline, I'm afraid if I stuff anymore inside of me, I'll pee all over myself."

Edward pressed his lips together in a hard line, looking like he was trying to hold back a laugh. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, less than amused.

"How are we doing over here?" My mother said in a cheerful voice.

"Just peachy. Well, except if I drink one more drop, you'll be mopping the puddle up from under me. But Edward here thinks I need more," I said in a sarcastic tone.

"Easy, Bella. He's just trying to help," Mom chastised, placing her hands on her hips.

Edward pouted. "I just want to see what our baby is. Is that so bad?"

_Great, now he's making me feel bad. Again._

My chin trembled as I tried to keep my tears at bay. Maybe I really was a bitch. He was trying to help, and there I was about to bite his head off. I really did suck as a person.

"Shit," Edward muttered, leaving his seat to come sit by me. "I'm sorry, baby. You don't have to drink anymore."

He rubbed my shoulders, trying to calm me down. I took a few shuddering breaths as I got a hold of my emotions. Did I mention being a hormonal mess most of the time sucked ass?

"No, I'm sorry," I apologized, looking up at Edward. "I feel like such a crazy person all the time."

"But you're my crazy person," Edward whispered, kissing me on the nose.

"Now, that's so damn sweet," Mom said, making me jump. I'd forgotten she was still there.

Edward blushed and went back to his side of the booth. Mom took his place and put her hand on my swollen stomach.

"Hey there, pretty baby. You be good and open those legs wide so the doctor can see what you are. Grandma can't wait to find out if she should buy pink or blue," Mom cooed as she rubbed my abdomen.

Edward choked on the Coke he was drinking when he heard the words, _open those legs wide_.

"Is it really wise to say that to my unborn child? I mean, you don't want to encourage that kind of behavior. What will happen when BC starts Kindergarten?" Edward stammered as he coughed.

"Babies can't understand what you say this young," Mom said, looking at Edward like he'd lost his damn mind. After his comment, I kind of felt the same way. He shrunk back in his seat defensively.

"What?" Edward asked, giving us a sideways glance. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shook my head, deciding to let Edward have his madness. I'd just make him spend the night with the diva if he got out of control.

I glanced at my watch and saw that we needed to leave if we wanted to make it to my doctor's appointment on time. Nudging my mother, I let her know it was time we left, and she stood up. I hugged her as Edward slid out of the booth and told her we'd be back as soon as we knew. Mom smiled and patted my shoulder, telling us that we'd better.

~.~.~.~

The drive to the doctor's office was quick, and we were called on almost immediately after I signed in. I was led to a room that had a machine similar to the one they'd used for the sonogram months before. I sat down on the padded table while Edward stood beside me. The nurse left, and not long after, the technician came in.

I was instructed to lie down, pull my shirt up and the waistband of my pants down slightly. Edward held my hand and turned his head as the lady started up the machine. She squirted the cold jelly onto my stomach, which made me feel like I had to go even more, and began pushing around with some kind of pee-inducing torture device.

That, of course, did not help with the Bella-has-to-piss-like-a-race-horse situation. I tried to imagine deserts, cracked soil, stiff, brown plants, and anything else synonymous with "dry" to counter the war going on in my bladder. A voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Ah, there you are." the technician smiled.

"What—what do you mean?" Edward asked nervously.

"Have you decided if you'd like to know the sex of your baby?" the technician said, kindly.

"Yes!" Edward bellowed.

I sighed, slightly embarrassed by his outburst. "Um, yeah."

She chuckled lowly at my husband's excitement. "Well, if you look right there, you can see his legs are opened wide, and he's showing everything."

"That's my boy!" Edward called out with enthusiasm. "Wait! You did say _he_, right?" He furrowed his brow in confusion.

I guffawed, unable to keep the loud laughter locked inside of me. Watching Edward's reactions were too funny. The lady looked like she was trying to stay professional but secretly wanted to be rolling on the floor in amusement.

"Yes, I did. Your son looks healthy and is growing normally," She informed us.

I looked back at the screen when she moved the wand, pushing slightly against my stomach. The urge to relieve myself all over the table made itself known again, making me grimace. I thought about how I'd started to like her until she'd done that.

The image of my son stared back at me when I turned to watch the monitor, and I could see that he was sucking his thumb. Stupid hormone induced tears filled my eyes as I looked at him. He was perfect. Sure, people said that shit all the time, but he belonged to Edward and me, which made him more perfect.

Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw Edward do a fist pump, but I must have been mistaken. My husband was not stupid enough to make an ass of himself in the doctor's office. At least, it was what I told myself. I refused to entertain any other explanation; I'd have to kick his ass if I was wrong.

After moving that fucking _thing_ around some more and taking pictures, the technician announced that I was finished and wiped off my stomach.

"You can go the bathroom now, if you need to," she said as Edward helped me sit up.

"Thank God," I said, rushing to the restroom. I had honestly never been so happy to pee in my entire life.

~.~.~.~

The rest of the visit was routine. The doctor did some measurements, listened to the heartbeat, and told us everything looked good. Edward and I were out of there in no time with a few sonogram pictures in hand.

Edward wore a goofy grin the entire drive home. I realized that he was going to be unbearable from there on out, and I was sure he couldn't wait until he could rub it in James face that we were having a boy. James' reaction to the news was something I wasn't looking forward to, either. The prissy diva was going to bitch and moan when he found out he would not be getting his wish, and I was probably going to kick his ass. Honestly, it looked like I was going to have to kick someone's ass no matter what. _Sigh_.

"Come on," Edward said, almost yanking my arm off as he helped me out of the car.

"Slow down," I yelled, trying to pull my arm back. "I'm attached to that, you know."

He smiled apologetically when he caught the frosty glare I was sending his way. "I'm sorry. I just want to tell everyone the news."

"I don't believe you." I called him out on his lie. "What you want to do is rub it in James' face that BC is a boy."

He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked to the entrance to the diner. "That, my love, is just the icing on the cake. I tried to tell him that my sperm only knows how to make boys, but he didn't believe me. It's not my fault he's about to eat crow."

Edward laughed, opening the door so I could walk inside. Behind the counter stood my parents, Leah, and fucking _James_—all looking at us expectantly. I had a feeling that if we hadn't come to them, they would have barged into our apartment when they found out we were back. _Overzealous freaks_.

I hobbled up onto a barstool in front of the group I called family, and Edward sat down beside me, practically bouncing.

"So, do I get to officially buy pink now, or are you going to keep dragging this out?" James asked with his hands on his hips.

Edward shot me a pleading look, wanting, I was sure, to be the one to crush James. I nodded my head, deciding that I was going to hide when the shrieking began. Maybe Mom would come upstairs with me, and we could have a civilized conversation about BC.

An evil grin spread across Edward face, and I knew he was going to milk it for all it was worth. "I'm so glad you brought up the question up of whether or not my child will be wearing pink. The answer, James, is no. My _son_ will not be wearing any of that girly shit like I told you."

"Psht," James scoffed and rolled his eyes. "A girl, muffin butt. How many times do we have to go over this?"

Mom, Dad, and Leah, thankfully, were quicker to understand the meaning of Edward's comments. Mom looked at me with questioning eyes, and I nodded my head. Dad seemed proud and had a small smile on his lips. Leah just looked like she was happy for us.

"No, James," Edward continued, reaching over and taking the sonogram pictures from me. He winked at me, making me shake my head. "A boy. I have concrete proof, right here, that I am having a son."

Edward pulled out the picture that showed exactly what BC was and pushed it over to James. He studied it for a few moments, and then he threw it back at Edward. James glared in Edward's direction.

"That picture is wrong," the annoying diva argued, scowling at the offending picture. "Obviously, whoever took it has no idea what they are doing. Look at all those shadows! And…it's kind of blurry! Nope, I'm not convinced."

"You're an idiot. Just admit that you were wrong, and I was right. I'm having a son, and you're going to have to take back all the pink shit littering my apartment." Edward gave James a winning smile.

"Until we get a second opinion, I'm not taking back anything," James warned, leaning closer to Edward across the counter. "Tom Cruise had one of those sonogram-thingys when that slut Katie was pregnant. We should buy one, and Dr. James will be able to tell if it's true or not."

"You are not going to come near my wife or son with one of those things. I'm not sure it's safe for just anyone to use them. You are this close," Edward punctuated his words by moving his pointer finger and thumb so close together, they were almost touching, " to getting my foot up your ass."

I looked away from the scene unfolding with James and Edward, turning my attention to my mother.

"I'm so excited!" My mother squealed, reaching over the counter and hugging me. "He's going to be the cutest thing ever to grace this earth. Have you two picked out any names?"

My mother's question made me pause, because Edward and I had not decided on a name yet. He'd been so wrapped up in proving that BC was a boy, just to torment the diva, and I'd just concentrated on the fact that I was going to be a mother. Even though I'd gotten used to the idea, and was embracing it, didn't mean that things still didn't freak me out from time to time. And, in that moment, I realized just how much I still hadn't even thought of. Crap. I was the worst mother in the world.

"Uh, no. We haven't settled on a name yet. Should we already have one picked out?" I asked, starting to panic.

"Oh, Bella," Mom said in a soft voice. "You have plenty of time. Since you know what your baby is, it'll be a lot easier to narrow one down."

And that is why I loved the woman. She had calmed me down with only a few words of her wisdom, and all was well.

"Well, I want to see pictures of my grandson," My dad said with his goofy smile. "Grandson."

I smiled at him. It was amazing to know that there would be another male that my father could pass on his wisdom and traditions to. When Jake died, our family name had died with him. There wouldn't be any more Swans added to the family. However, even though BC would be a Cullen, he would be a Swan in spirit.

"Yeah, let me steal them back from Edward," I said, turning toward him.

"You're not getting out of it. We're having a boy, which means, you lose," I heard Edward say.

"Um, what the hell are you two yammering about?" I questioned, grabbing the sonogram pictures from in front of Edward. I glanced at my husband, and I noticed that he sat on the stool like a stone statue. James looked over at me with a smug grin.

"You're going to get it now," James muttered, flicking his eyes to Edward then back at me.

"You wouldn't dare," Edward hissed dangerously at James.

"The Hungry Man dinner over here bet me five hundred dollars he knocked you up with a boy, but I said no, we can't bet on Bella's baby. It would be wrong because, a—it's a girl. And b—betting on children is wrong," James said, putting on his best pathetic face.

"What?! No! You pressured me into the bet. You questioned my manhood, you liar!" Edward pointed at James accusingly.

"Humph. Whatever. I think you're a cheater anyway. I refuse to pay until I have concrete proof." James glared and cocked his head to the side.

At that moment, I didn't know whether to kill my husband, James, or laugh at their stupidity. Both men had set themselves up to be on my shit list by even entertaining that moronic idea. Did they really think that they'd get away with it? I was bound to find out when Edward somehow had an extra five hundred bucks laying around, or the diva bought something extravagant and stupid, like a life-sized cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise or something. And James would have been dumb enough to invite me over to show it off, thus ending up spilling the beans when he'd have to explain how it got there.

I picked up the pictures and stood up. "You know…I can't even. Just…Ugh!"

I went upstairs to the apartment, knowing that if I stayed, someone was going to incur my wrath. Men were the stupidest, most dense creatures on the planet, and I couldn't believe that I was about to add to the population. I was so going to be in charge of raising BC. Edward wasn't going to get to do anything with our baby without written approval from me first. Idiot.

I slammed the door and sat down on the couch. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and willed the headache that was forming to go away. A knock interrupted the silence, and I went to open the door. For Rusty's sake, he'd better hope he wasn't the one on the other side of the door. I needed a few more minutes, or hours, to calm down before I could act rationally. It was not the time for him to start groveling. Stupid fucking man.

Just as I reached the door, I heard a voice call out. "Honey, it's me. Open up."

Relief flooded through me when I realized it was my mother. I didn't have to try and control my temper at the moment.

I opened up and let her inside. Turning toward the couch to sit again, she followed me. We sat quietly for a few minutes before she spoke.

"Your dad took Edward and James downstairs to do inventory. He figured you'd need a few moments to cool off. After all these years, I think the man has finally gotten it," Mom said with a smile.

I chuckled softly. "I'm so mad at Edward, but, at the same time, I'm kind of glad he won. Can you imagine what James would be like right now if it had been the other way?"

"I love that boy to death, but you're right. He would have been unbearable," she said, shaking her head.

"I don't think yelling at either of them is the way to handle this," I said, thinking. Honestly, I had no idea how they ever thought this bet was a good idea to begin with. It reminded me of the time Emmett and Jake decided to see who could walk the farthest down our street wearing Mom's red pumps when they were in seventh grade. Even though Jake beat Emmett, Dad almost had a coronary when he saw in only son strutting down the block.

My brother: always good for a practical joke.

And then it hit me. Remembering my brother and Emmett's foolishness gave me the perfect idea for payback. Instead of getting mad, I was going to deal with this like Jake would have. I could almost see him smiling down at me. "No, I think I have a much better idea."

I looked over at my mother and told her my idea. She teared up when I mentioned my inspiration came from Jake, and then began helping me hammer out the final details. In truth, my mother was more diabolical than Jake and I put together. Those boys weren't going to know what hit them.

~.~.~.~

Edward had come home with his tail tucked between his legs later that day. He was the poster boy for fuck-up husbands everywhere and tried to suck up all night. I told him I was forgiving him on one condition—when the time came, he was going to do a favor for me. He agreed quickly, without questioning the reason I wasn't kicking him to the couch. My plan was working out better than I thought.

The diva, though, proved to be a harder nut to crack. At first, he was adamant that he wasn't in the wrong, and the doctor was a liar anyway. I was able to convince him, after examining every inch of the sonogram pictures with a magnifying glass that he, in reality, had lost and was going to have a nephew. He pouted for days but agreed to do me a favor so I wouldn't cut his clothes into shreds. I loved my mother even more for putting that idea into my head.

The weeks went by, and I was getting bigger and bigger. I felt like I was my own solar system by the time April was upon us. The week before, I'd gotten the last touches of my devious plan to pay the boys back together with the help of Rose, Jessica, and my mother. All were eager to see it in action and planned on being at the bar to witness.

The night before April first, I called James over to the apartment and revealed to them exactly what they would be doing to rectify the fact they'd bet on BC. Edward's response was a "hell no," and James looked like he wanted to throw me out a window. When I reminded them that they'd agreed and seemed happy about getting out of the doghouse with me, they caved. I let them know that I expected them to play along the entire shift at the bar the next night. Both were unhappy with the stipulations, but after I threatened to involve Mom, they agreed without complaint.

_I need to work on my bitch glare. One day, I'll be Mama Swan, er…Mama Cullen. Maybe I need to start taking lessons from the master_.

The bar was about to open for the night, and James was whining. It was to be expected, but I rolled my eyes at him. Edward, well, he looked like he was trying to find an escape route.

"C'mon, Bella. I swear…I've learned my lesson. Please don't make me go out there," Edward whimpered pathetically.

"Who bet on our child?" I asked with my hand on my hip.

Edward hung his head and whispered. "I did."

"That's right," I said in a stern voice. "Now, get out there and serve the customers. We don't pay you for your looks, princess."

I slapped him on his ass as he walked by, making him jump. I blew him a kiss when he glared at me, continuing through the back room door to the front. The sounds of catcalls rang out on the other side of the door.

"I'll give you a full body massage if you let me go home and change. These magic fingers will cure all your aches and pains," James pleaded with a pout.

"Nice try, Travolta. Now get out there and shake that booty!" I called out cheerfully.

James huffed and went out to serve thirsty customers, and I could hear the sounds of laughter as I followed him. Mom and Dad were already stationed behind the bar, clutching on to the sides as they laughed. Emmett, Rose, Jessica, and Mike looked like they were about to fall of the stools they were cackling so hard. I chuckled as I walked around and joined my friends. It was too great of a night to work, so I'd traded with my mother.

I sat down beside Emmett. He held out his fist for me to bump, and I hit his with mine.

"Hey, Edward. Can I get a lap dance later?" Emmett called out.

"Fuck you. You're supposed to be my friend," Edward said, adjusting his panty hose.

The sight of Edward dressed as a woman, and James as a throwback from the seventies was almost too much for me. I was laughing so hard, I was crying. Jessica, Rose, and Mom had helped me comb the thrift stores in the area for the perfect outfits to inflict my revenge on the idiots. They'd found a polyester suit that was almost an exact replica of the one that John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever and a pink dress that ended up fitting Edward like a glove. It came past his knees and had capped sleeves. His hair was curled, his face was caked with makeup, and he looked uncomfortable as hell. It was awesome.

And James, the fact that he was in thrift store clothes and had enough oil in his hair to grease my engine for years, was enough for me.

"Now, now. Be nice to our customers. You wouldn't want to get fired, now would you?" I asked in a mock-serious tone.

Edward looked over at James. "You had better stay out of my way tonight, tattletale. I cannot be held responsible for my actions if you get in my way."

"Yeah, right. You can't even walk in those things. How are you going to catch me, RuPaul?" James taunted with a smug smile.

The bar erupted in laughter. It seemed that most of Forks had caught wind of what was happening that night and had decided to come and see the show.

Edward kicked off his shoes, and James ran behind my mother, letting out a high-pitched scream. "Don't let him get me! I'm too pretty to be mauled by a drag queen!"

"I'll show you drag queen, you—" Edward was cut off by my dad grabbing a hold of him.

"Settle down, son, and take your punishment like a man," Dad said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Charlie, I've been thoroughly emasculated. I don't see the harm in acting like the bitch my wife has reduced me to," Edward retorted, struggling in my father's grasp.

"At least you get to wear clothes. If I had bet on one of my kids while Sue was pregnant, I would have been standing buck assed naked behind this bar. Sue is ruthless," My father admitted.

Edward chanced a look at Mom and was met with her steely gaze, making him flinch. "You're right. I'm getting off easy."

Dad let Edward go, and he began taking drink orders. Only, he forgot to put back on his shoes. I had to fix that, immediately.

"Oh, love muffin!" I called out. Edward froze and turned my way slowly.

"Yes?" My cross dressing husband asked carefully.

"You need to put back on the shoes," I said sweetly.

"Baby, please don't make me wear them. I'm humiliating myself here, and they hurt my feet. Can't a man get some kind of comfort?"

"But…they complete the outfit." I pouted overdramatically.

He huffed and stomped over to the pink shoes. Emmett guffawed as Edward tried to balance himself as he placed the uncomfortable shoes back on his feet. Once he was finished, he wobbled back over the bar.

"But it itches!" James yelled, scratching his arm through his polyester suit.

"Hush. Quit your whining and get back to work," Mom said, pointing to the shelf housing the liquor.

James hung his head. "Yes, Mama Swan."

I hung on to Emmett most of the night, so my large pregnant ass wouldn't end up on the floor from laughing so hard. Edward had given up early in the night trying to walk normal. Every time he'd take a step, he'd wobble and almost fall on his ass. Instead, he realized that taking smaller steps to shuffling across the floor like he had a stick up his ass was the way to go.

James just glided around on his platform shoes serving drinks. However, he did have to stop and scratch every so often. He'd gotten it in his head that the cheap fabric he'd been forced to wear was giving him hives, and on a few occasions, had tried to pull his shirt or pants off to have my mother check. All it had earned him was a few smacks on the back of the head, and some very stern "get back to work's" from Mom.

The night had turned out better than I could have ever pictured in my head. Between Edward's grumbling and the diva's whining, I knew I had picked the right punishment. When BC was old enough, I was telling him the story of how his father and auntie had bet on him and how his Mom had paid them back. I was hoping that it would be a cautionary tale that would make him think twice about being as big of a moron as the two clowns in front of me. Speaking of cautionary tales…

"Smile!" I called out as the flash went off.

"I know you didn't just do that!" James screeched, wide-eyed.

"Aw, c'mon, Bella!" Edward yelled, stomping his foot in frustration. "I said I was sorry!"

"Yeah, you did. But I don't trust that you'll make the right decision the next time. I'm going to hang this over the bar, and when one of you idiots thinks something is a good idea, all you'll have to do is look up at this picture. If what you're planning on is worth having something like this happen again, well, then I can't stop you. But if it's not, let this be a reminder of what happens when I get mad," I stated, smiling at them.

Both men pouted as they went back to work.

~.~.~.~

After Edward's and James' punishment was over, the "incident" at the bar was never mentioned again. I did make good on my promise to hang the evidence of their stupidity over the bar, even going as far as to frame it. Edward, though, never seemed to forget the lesson. Following that night, any time James had started in on one of his crazy ideas at work, all Edward had to do was point at the picture and look at James expectantly. That was all it took to stop whatever James was going to say in its tracks.

Before we knew it, May was upon us. Since it was warmer out, Edward, Dad, and Emmett were planning on another fishing trip. James had begged to be included, but had been shot down every time he asked. No one, it seemed, was over him freaking out over the log he thought was a crocodile.

I was getting closer and closer to my due date, which happened to be around the fifteenth of July. While eager to see my baby, I was also ready to not be pregnant anymore. The size of my baby bump, it seemed, was in direct correlation with my comfort level. The bigger I got, the more uncomfortable I became. Not to mention, I was snapping at everyone left and right. I felt bad about it, but my patience was almost nonexistent those days and most of it ended up being directed to Edward. He'd taken to doing inventory two or three times a week, even if he'd done nothing wrong. I was convinced it was just a way to get away from my crabby ass.

The one thing he didn't back down from was his insistence that I quit working in the bar and switch to the diner. He said that he hated me working around all the drunks while I was pregnant. So far, I was winning that fight because I still waited on thirsty patrons every night. The battle for after the baby was born, though, wasn't as easy. My traitorous mother actually agreed with Edward that after BC had arrived maybe switching with Leah or even Mom would be a good idea. I wasn't sold on it, fighting tooth and nail at the moment. I just didn't know what I wanted to do, and quite frankly, it was pissing me off that everyone was trying to make decisions for me instead of asking me what I wanted.

That argument was why I was by myself at the bar working that afternoon. Edward and I had had a particularly heated discussion, resulting in my father telling Edward that he needed help picking up a few cases of rum our regular distributor forgot to deliver. I knew what my father was trying to do, and I appreciated it. Edward and I were getting nowhere, and we needed a break from each other. My worrywart of a husband only left when Mom promised to check on me every so often, and James said he would come down as soon as he finished eating his lunch at the diner.

It had been an hour since they'd left, and my mood had started to improve. I understood why he was being an overbearing ass. I just didn't have to like it.

I leaned back on the stool that my mother and husband insisted I use while I worked. The bar was pretty much dead, and being seven months pregnant, I was secretly glad I didn't have but two customers to wait on. My feet were killing me.

I was broken out of my thoughts by two women strolling up to the bar. One seemed older, around my mother's age, and was dressed impeccably. The woman next to her was younger, closer to my own age, and wore clothes that screamed _fashion victim_. She looked like the kind of girl that would throw a fit if a certain top or dress that was _in season_ had sold out. I wondered what they were doing in Forks, walking into Downstairs like they were owed something. It was obvious they didn't belong there by the way they turned their noses up at the décor and acted like the counter was covered in slime. I decided I probably wasn't going to like them.

I heaved my heavy, pregnant ass off of the stool and waddled over to the bar top. "What can I get you ladies?" I asked as nicely as I could muster.

The older one wrinkled her nose at me and grimaced. "Well, I'm sure it'll be a chore for you, but I'd like to speak to my son."

I was a little taken aback for a moment because I was sure she'd just called me fat without actually saying it. _Passive aggressive bitch_.

"A lot of people's sons come in and out of here, so you're going to have to be more specific," I said, crossing my arms.

"Well, his father said that he's actually working in this dive, which I cannot believe. I thought we raised him to respect himself better than that. So, if you would, tell him his mother would like to speak to him," she said in a tone that left no room for argument.

The moment she said _his mother_, it all clicked. The older woman standing before me was Esme Cullen, which meant that the other person next to her had to be Alice. I couldn't believe, after his dad had come and gotten chewed out, the remaining members of his family would have the audacity to show their faces around the bar again. It looked like they were either really tenacious or extremely stupid. With what I wanted to say to the egg donor in front of me, I was betting on the later part.

"I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken. The other two employees, not related to me, already have a mother, and she's upstairs. Are you sure you have the right place?" I asked in a falsely concerned voice.

Esme glared at me. "I'm sure I have the right place. It's the only dive in this town. Carlisle was pretty clear about where Edward was at."

"Oh, then I know you've got the wrong place. See, Edward has a horrible excuse for a family. They're so bad that they didn't give a shit whether or not he died. So, we're his family now, and I was positive that his pathetic father got the message when he was kicked out. I know none of them have the balls to show up a second time."

"Why, you little bitch. How dare you talk to my mother that way!" the woman, who I'd guessed was Alice, seethed.

"Lady, I'll talk to her any damn way I want. After the way you people treated _my_ husband, you should be glad I'm in no condition to jump over this counter and give you the ass kicking you deserve," I said, balling up my fists.

"So you're the whore who has dug her claws into my baby boy?" Esme asked, looking down her nose at me. "Did you find out about his inheritance? Is that why you trapped him?"

I looked over at Alice. "Is she for real? Is that the only reason you think he'd marry me?"

Alice grimaced in my direction.

I turned back to Esme. "Listen. Not everything is about money, you Stepford wife. I didn't even know about it until after we were married, but that's beside the point. What kind of mother are you that you'd actually let your son, whom you seem to be pretending to care so much about now, in a hospital bed—in a coma!—alone?

"And this?" I said, pointing to my enlarged stomach. "This is someone you'll never get to meet. He'll grow up to be an amazing person because Edward is an amazing man despite how you and your bastard husband raised him. This child will have more love than Edward ever had because Edward's finally been given the chance to see what a real family is like.

"We know what it's like to lose someone who's important, and we're not about to let Edward go without a fight. So, if I were you, I'd leave and never come back."

Angry tears were gathering in my eyes by the end of my speech. I couldn't believe that the pompous and judgmental woman standing in front of me was Edward's mother. Who were those people that raised him? Where had they come from? Because I'd never seen so much hate and judgment in my life.

Esme opened her mouth to speak, but another voice cut her off. "You heard my daughter. I think it's time you left."

I turned my head and watched my mom walk into the bar. He face was expressionless, letting me know she was moments away from losing her cool. I'd only ever seen that face a few times in my life, and I always knew to steer clear when it came out. I backed up and let Mom step in front of the women standing on the other side of the bar. She was in full mama bear mode, and I was not about to get in her way.

Esme huffed loudly. "How dare you speak to me that way? I don't know who you think you are, but where I come from people know that you always respect a Cullen. Maybe here in this sorry excuse for a town, you don't need respect. But I will not be talked down to like I'm some mere commoner."

"Lady, that's it," My mother seethed, leaning dangerously close to Esme. "I've heard enough of your bullshit. You lost the right to call Edward your son the moment you made him feel like he was less of a person for joining the Army, which, by the way, is one of the most respectable positions one could choose for a career. And you're standing here preaching to me about respect? You have the most backwards, skewed, and fucked up idea of what respect is. Respect has nothing to do with money or social status. Instead, it's about what kind of person you are and what you're willing to risk to help those who have less than you.

"Edward, despite the lies and crap you tried to spoon feed him as a child, is a wonderful man. He's someone whom I've been proud to call son-in-law _and_ son. He's my boy now, so you can skip your pathetic, pompous ass out of here and know that he'll be taken care of. And if you ever darken our doorstep again, I'll shove my foot so far up your ass, it'll come out of your mouth. I don't take too kindly to worthless parents. If you have any doubts about that, go pay a visit to Mrs. McCarthy over on Pear Street. She'll tell you all about me, and my opinion of how she raised her own son. Now, get the fuck out of here."

Esme and Alice looked at my mother with terror-filled eyes. They backed away slowly and then walked quickly up the stairs and out the front door of the bar. I started to snicker as the door slammed back on the frame.

No one, and I mean no one, ever won when Sue Swan was pissed.

* * *

><p>Welp.<p>

You can find us on Twitter at shelikethesound and d_inspiration where we always tweet links immediately after posting a chapter. Until next time!


	27. Dead Bastard

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N: **Thank you to sherriola for pre-reading and thank you to everyone who reviewed. Hugs to you all! All mistakes are property of DivineInspiration.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27 – Dead Bastard<strong>

**EPOV**

"I'll be back in a few hours," Charlie said to me as I grabbed the cases of rum from the bed of the truck. "I just need to pick up some things at home and then take care of some paperwork."

"That's okay. I can handle it," I replied, lying through my teeth. No way in hell could I handle what waited for me inside the bar. Bella was the most stubborn woman in the world – she was her mother's daughter, after all – and she insisted on working no matter what I said. We'd been arguing about it before Charlie had yanked me out of there with the rum excuse. And now I was going back in. I wondered if I could get away with duct taping her to a chair.

I picked up the cases – damn heavy things, too – and went down the stairs to the bar. About half way down I had to put them down and give my arms a break. I was clearly getting out of shape. Maybe I should start lifting weights. Or just wait for BC to come out so I could lug him around. I smiled to myself. I couldn't wait for him to get there.

I bent down to pick up the cases again when I heard Sue's voice through the door that was ajar.

"Edward, despite the lies and crap you tried to spoon feed him as a child, is a wonderful man. He's someone whom I'm proud to call son-in-law _and_ son. He's my boy now, so you can skip your pathetic, pompous ass out of here and know that he'll be taken care of. And if you ever darken our doorstep again, I'll shove my foot so far up your ass, it'll come out of your mouth. I don't take too kindly to worthless parents. If you have any doubts about that, go pay a visit to Mrs. McCarty over on Pear street. She'll tell you all about me and my opinion of how she raised her own son. Now, get the fuck out of here."

_Fucking hell. _

My dad was back? Couldn't he take a damn hint? The way he'd been bulldozed last time couldn't have been done more thoroughly than if he'd been hit in the head by a stray satellite from space. But it wasn't my dad who came out through the door. It was my mom and my sister. I didn't know who was more surprised to see who, but my mom seemed to recover first.

"Lugging liquor around? Really, Edward? That's the best you could find?"

Luckily, I recovered, too. "Sure beats being a housewife weighed down by double standards."

Her eyes widened. "I'm your mother – do not speak to me that way!"

"Actually, I have a mom, thank you very much. And since she's so much more awesome than you ever were, your services are no longer required. Thanks, though. The motherly love is simply smothering me." I looked her in the eye. "Besides, you can take a man out of the Army, but you can't truly take the Army out of the man. And since you didn't want the soldier, you can't have the man."

Her shocked gasp only made me roll my eyes. I didn't understand what had made them take interest in me again after years of indifference. In their eyes, I was still the one who had made mistakes, and that alone told me that I'd never have a relationship with them that made me anything but frustrated and angry. So I would rather have none at all, because at this point in my life, that was what suited _me._ They'd made their choices, and I made mine.

"Well, then. You've made your bed, so now you'll just have to lie in it." Nose in the air and distaste coloring her words, the woman who'd given birth to me turned her back to me and climbed the stairs.

I gave Alice an exasperated look. She was the only one left who hadn't had a go at me, and she was never one to miss out on the opportunity.

"Heidi and her husband got divorced earlier this year," she said after a moment. It wasn't what I'd expected, nor did I care as I hadn't seen or talked to my shallow and incredibly unimportant ex-girlfriend since I'd been in fucking high school. "She asked about you when I met her last week."

"Fascinating," I deadpanned. "We haven't talked in years, and the first thing you say to me is about my ex-girlfriend? Have you been _that_ bored since high school?"

Huffing, she glared at me, and I suddenly recognized my sister again. "I'm just saying that she'd probably take you back. You know, if you came back home… and got a job."

"I've got a job, thanks. A wife, too. So I'm all set," I told her, not even bothering with the sarcasm as I knew it would fly right by her anyway. "Come to think of it, I've kind of got a sister, as well, so why don't you go away, Alice? I've been doing great since high school without you, so why ruin it now, huh?"

"Well, you've got it all then, haven't you?" she asked with an unattractive sneer.

"And then some," James said, sauntering down the stairs. He almost made me laugh when he looked Alice over and wrinkled his nose. "You're the dudette on speed. I've heard stories about you, and they weren't nice."

"Classy, Edward," Alice told me.

"What? You think I waste my time talking about you?" I asked. "Hell no."

"You annoyed the wrong woman, speedy. I'm surprised she didn't flatten your ass…oh, wait. She did!" James said, looking behind Alice as if looking at her ass. "Or maybe you were born that way. Poor girl, getting all the bad genes while your brother got the good ones. Fate's a bitch, huh?"

"Whatever! Stay here in your pathetic little town, Edward, with your pathetic little friends and your so-called family. See if I care!" She stomped up the stairs.

"Bye, Alice!" I called out.

"Those shoes are so last season, by the way!" James added as a final salute.

We looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Butter balls, you must have been an evil son of a bitch in a past life to deserve a family like that."

"Tell me about it. Good thing you can get an upgrade."

He nodded. "Amen and thank you, little adorable baby Jesus. There was a woman up in the parking lot with the same color hair as you and looking like she'd swallowed a gallon of acid. Mommy dearest?"

I nodded and picked up the cases again. "That's the title she started out with, yeah."

"Someone should tell her that pastels don't do her complexion any favors," he said. "Need me to take one of those cases or can I just watch your bulging muscles?"

I laughed. "Fuck off."

Following a snickering James down to the bar, I thought back to what I'd heard Sue say. Her words had touched me deeply. _He's my boy now._ And yeah, I was. For the first time in my life, I was a momma's boy, and that only a few months before I became a parent myself. Life was just a barrel of laughs.

I was pleased to see Bella sitting down when I came into the bar. I went to put the rum out back, and when I came back, she was laughing at James and Sue dancing a dramatic tango, although Sue was having a hard time staying in character.

Going over to stand behind Bella, I slid my arms around her and kissed her neck. My hands were resting on her stomach, and the brightest boy in the whole world gave a little kick to say hi. At least that's what I told myself. "Hey, you. Since when is this an establishment with dancing?"

She turned her head and got a proper kiss. "James came in, wanting to dance with the prettiest girl in the room. And that was my mom, he claimed."

I pretended to consider it. "Sue's pretty, but no one is as pretty as you. I'd ask you to dance if it wasn't for the fact that I've been trying to get you off your feet for months now."

Bella giggle-snorted. "You're a dork."

I shrugged. "Maybe, but you're still stuck with me."

A customer who had braved a trip past the tango couple to get a drink needed my attention, and when I turned back to Bella afterward, her smile had disappeared. "Your mom and sister were here."

"I know. I met them outside," I replied. "Were they nasty to you and Sue? I'm not above going to Seattle to tell them to go to hell."

"Well…" She hesitated. "Clearly, all the Cullen charm was passed to you, but they were more pathetic than anything, really. What did they want?"

"Besides behave like idiots? No clue. They've got this idea that I'm the one who's made all the mistakes, and until they stop seeing things that way, I just can't have them in my life." I paused to give her a smile. "I wish I could give BC an aunt and a decent set of grandparents, but he's honestly better off without them. We all are."

She muttered something about kicking their asses as soon as BC stopped slowing her down. I kissed the top of her head and started doing what I got paid for. While I worked, I kept an eye on Bella to make sure that she stayed on her stool. She was being a good girl and only left it to take bathroom breaks. The rest of the time she worked the beer taps and ordered James and me around for the liquor. Charlie had come by, but only long enough to pick up Sue and use her as shield when he saw Renee approaching.

Mike and Jessica stopped by for a while, and while Jessica took up Bella's attention, Mike thought it was funny to razz James and I about what was now known locally as Bella's Revenge. James often scowled at the photographic evidence decorating the bar, but while I had been mildly – ahem – embarrassed when it had taken place, pride had kind of taken over by then. Bella was truly Jake's sister, and even if I hadn't been the – well-deserved – punch line, something that was so beautifully planned out had my greatest respect. Hell. My wife was fucking awesome.

The following morning, I was woken up by the doorbell. Had I been awake enough for my brain to work, I would probably not have opened. But I wasn't. So I opened the door and unsuspectingly unleashed the terror of James on poor, sleeping Bella. I could only hope she'd have mercy on me.

It turned out that she did take mercy on me, and it had everything to do with the fact that I made breakfast and sat through a _Supernatural_ marathon with her and James. All the time and effort I'd put into avoiding the damn Tom Cruise marathon, and then I face-planted directly into demons, ghosts, and freaking angels in trench coats. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I had to suffer through a running commentary about how hot the hunter dudes in the cool car were.

"Jensen Ackles is fucking sexy," James declared, eyes glued to the screen while he stuffed his face with the popcorn he'd insisted went with a DVD marathon – breakfast time or not.

"Hell yeah," Bella agreed. Her eyes were glued to the screen, too, and she didn't even notice the look I sent her.

"What the hell kind of name is Jensen Ackles anyway?" I grumbled. The guy was not sexy. The car was, but that was it. Well, and maybe the blonde with the mother and… I sighed. I had no freaking clue what was going on. Demons, angels, the Shackles dude, and zombies were all fighting each other. There were good angels and bad angels, and once in a while even a nice demon. How was a guy supposed to keep track?

James spared me a glance, and it wasn't a very nice one. "It's a perfectly fine name, _Edward Anthony Cullen_."

I rolled my eyes and secretly texted Charlie to help me. Fortunately, my father-in-law knew how to read text messages even if he couldn't send them, and a few minutes later he called me, giving me an excuse to claim that I had to go to work early because he needed my help with something. I loved Charlie.

In my haste, I almost tripped down the stairs to get as far away from Shackles and the trench coat-wearing angels as possible. Charlie was cleaning the shelves behind the bar, and I readily pitched in.

"So, what exactly was the nightmare that I just saved your ass from?" he asked.

I sighed. "Bella and James are moaning over an actor in a TV show full of ghosts and flannel and stuff. His name is Shackles Jensen or something. The only thing that made sense to me was the '67 Chevy Impala. Well, and the music. It was none of that pop shit. I had to get out of there before I went completely crazy, though. I think there was a guy called Missy, as well."

"Shackles and Missy? Really? Their parents must have been trying to send their kids a message," he commented. "But it's my gain. You can start stocking up the shelves while I clean the last of them down at the end."

"Yes, sir. And thank you for the save."

He chuckled. "Married men have to stick together."

When all the shelves were clean and restocked, Charlie left to go tend to the diner. It was still early, but I preferred opening instead of having to go upstairs. So I grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the diner, unlocked the door, and lit the sign indicating that we were open.

Like moths to a flame, it didn't take long before some of the usual suspects showed up and sat down in their booths. I was playing Tetris on my cell phone when the phone in the office rang. If I was honest with myself, I didn't even know that there was a phone, because I'd never heard it ring before. Making sure none of the patrons needed me, I went in to answer it.

"Hello? I mean, this is Downstairs." God, I was a moron and shouldn't be allowed around phones.

"I need to speak with James Lawrence. It's urgent," a woman said without saying hello or introducing herself.

"He's not here at the moment," I replied, resigning myself to being James' PA for a moment. "Can I take a message or maybe you'd like to call back in a couple of hours when he's h-"

"Tell him his dad died."

The call ended, and I stared at the phone. What the hell? Who delivered a message that someone had died like _that_? And shit. Now I was supposed to tell James that his dad was dead. His asshole dad, but still. _Crap._

I was lost in my own thoughts when I went back out to the bar. There were a couple of customers waiting, and I served them while trying to put together the right words in my mind. I'd dealt with telling people that someone they knew had died when I was in the Army. I'd never dealt with the families directly, only written letters to them from overseas, but I'd delivered my share of bad news to fellow soldiers. It just felt like forever ago.

I was busy mixing rum with the bare minimums of Coke for Renee when James came in, whistling. He'd changed into a t-shirt with a picture of the Shackles guy and was rubbing his stomach where the picture was. I was happy to see Bella enter a few seconds later, because I had no idea how James was going to react. She was a million times better than me at dealing with him.

"James, can I see you in the office for a moment?" I asked, trying to ignore the constant Shackles rubbing he had going on.

"Seriously, lover boy. I know you want me, but your wife is _right there_. You could at least be less obvious when you invite me out back for a quick romp," he replied. "Also. Finally! Took you long enough to see the light."

"Please," I said. "Cut the crap and just go into the office. It's important."

"Well, of course it's important. It's only the most important moment of my lif-"

"James!"

He snickered. "Coming!"

I sighed and didn't have it in me to return Bella's amused smile. I reached out to squeeze her hand as I passed her. "Can you come with us for a minute? The customers will wait."

"Sure. What's up?"

"Bad news for James," I whispered, determined to tell James before anyone else. "He might need a friend."

Her eyes widened, and I knew she wanted to ask more questions, but I just shook my head and pulled her with me into the office.

"We're gonna have an audience? Why, Indian Princess, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

"James, please stop with the jokes. I have something serious I need to tell you," I said, trying not to fidget. "Can you sit down or something?"

He seemed to realize that I meant business, because he sat down and looked at me expectantly. "I swear to God, if you tell me you have cancer or something, I'll get fucking hysterical. I'm not joking," he warned.

I sighed. "I don't have cancer. There was a phone call just before you came down here. Some woman who never introduced herself asked for you. When I told her that you weren't here, she gave me a message to give you."

"I ain't the daddy of her baby no matter what she says!" he blurted out. "There are some places my disco stick will never go, and a vagina is one of those places."

I wanted to hit him but took pity on him because he was about to deal with some really bad news. "James, I'm fucking sorry to have to tell you this, but your dad died."

He gave me an empty look. "What? Why? I mean…how? What?"

Bella pulled out a chair and sat down next to him, holding his hand. He didn't look like he even registered her.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I don't know. She just hung up before I could ask any questions."

"Hm." The look in his eyes was completely empty, and he shrugged off Bella when she told him how sorry she was. "I've got to get back to work."

Bella tried to stop him when he stood up. "That's not necessary. Edward and I can handle it. James? James, listen to me. Just go upstairs and take it easy for a while."

"No, no. I have to work," he insisted. "Thirsty people and all that. I'm fine."

Bella looked pleadingly at me, and I blocked the door before he could leave the office. "So, you're fine. Good for you. But you just got the night off – take advantage of it, man. Get a drink and sit down. We're here if you want to talk or need anything, okay? James, are you listening to me?"

He nodded absently. "I have to make drinks."

"Hang on, I'm getting Mom. Keep him in here," Bella said.

When she'd left, I managed to convince him to sit down. I looked out of the door and saw a couple of customers waiting. Signaling them that I'd just be a minute, I stayed in the office. James' reaction was scaring me. I knew his dad had been a real asshole, but it was like James was in shock – completely detached.

"I think you talked to my mom," he said, suddenly. "I called her once, hoping that maybe she'd left the bastard and that we could…I don't know. I gave her the office number because I didn't want her to have my cell phone number."

"Maybe…" I hesitated, not sure I knew what I was even saying. What would I have done if I'd been in his situation? "Maybe you should call her back?"

"I need to get to work," he said, standing up. "Papa Swan wouldn't like me slacking off."

"Papa Swan doesn't rule the world," Sue said sternly as she marched through the door. James didn't resist when she gathered him in a hug. She looked over at me over his shoulder. "Go on, son. We'll just be a minute."

I nodded, grateful that she knew what to say and do. Closing the door behind me, I went out to help Bella with the customers. It was still early, but a bus with tourists had just gotten into town from Port Angeles, so there was plenty to do. It didn't bother me to have something else to think about, even if it stayed busy all night. Bella gave in after a couple of hours and planted herself on a stool from which she took care of the beer orders. The rest fell to me, as Sue had managed to talk James into coming home with her and Charlie for dinner. Charlie had offered to stay, but I'd stubbornly insisted that we were fine without him. James needed Charlie and Sue more than we did at the bar.

Bella was half asleep by the time we closed. I left the clean-up for the morning and brought her upstairs. She was all groggy and adorable – not to mention not very cooperative – when I helped her change into her sleep clothes. When I'd gotten her tucked in and said goodnight to both her and BC, I went to lock up. Voices outside the front door made me take a look. I saw James' door closing and Sue getting ready to leave.

"Hey. Is he okay?" I asked.

Sue smiled sadly. "The poor boy doesn't know what to think. You grieve when your parents pass away, right? But what else are you supposed to feel when they've treated you badly? James is trying to figure that out."

I nodded, somewhat able to relate.

"He's been debating all night if he should go to the funeral or not," she told me and leaned against the couch, looking ready to pass out. "One the one hand he just wants to leave it all behind, and it's not like the dead bastard – don't look at me like that, I'm just stating facts – deserves any respect. But on the other hand, it could mean closure for James on several levels. If he does decide to go, I'll be going with him. No way is my boy facing that deadbeat excuse of a mother on his own. If he doesn't like it, he'll just have to deal with it anyway."

"He's lucky to have you, Sue. We all are," I said, meaning every word. "I'll keep an eye on him. Hell, I'll even leave the door unlocked so he can climb in between Bella and me during the night. You look ready to hit the hay, too. Do you need a ride home?"

Sue laughed and patted my cheek. "You're a good man, Edward. And no thanks. Charlie's waiting in the car downstairs."

I followed her outside and said goodnight. Back inside, I locked the door to the outside and wished I had the words to make James feel better. I was pretty sure that this confused, grieving James would make me long for his obnoxious flirty ways in no time.

I left the door to the apartment unlocked and climbed under the covers. Bella was fast asleep, but BC wasn't and gave me a few kicks when I put my hands on Bella's stomach. _Brightest unborn kid ever._

"I promise that I won't be a screw-up daddy like my own and like Auntie James', little buddy," I whispered. "I won't be perfect, but I'll love you more than anything and support you in whatever you want to do with your life."

BC gave me another kick, letting me know that he'd heard me. "Sleep now, kiddo. Don't wake Mommy with all the kicking. She needs her sleep."

Luckily Bella didn't wake up, and I held her close as I tried to fall asleep. I wasn't a particularly religious man, but if I'd been the praying type, I would have folded my hands and thanked God for my family. The brightest little boy was going to come out soon, and he would be mine. My wife was so beautiful that my heart ached sometimes when I looked at her. She was everything I hadn't known I'd been craving. I had a family. Not just my own little Cullen brood, but parents and friends close enough to be family. I wasn't just lucky. I was blessed.

As it turned out, James did not climb into out bed during the night, but I did find him in my kitchen the following morning when I went to make breakfast. He was already dressed, although wearing his beloved fluffy, bunny slippers, and busy making pancakes. In fact, it looked like he was making pancakes for the entire town and perhaps a few of the neighboring towns, as well.

"Good morning," he greeted me without looking up from the pan.

"Morning. How're you doing today?" I went to grab a cup of the coffee he'd brewed and got a good look at him. The empty look in his eyes was gone, and he looked like his old self, except for the lack of…sass.

"I'm okay." He looked up. "Really. I just…it was a shock, you know? And I didn't really know what to feel or think. He was my father and he was a bastard, and I was torn in different directions. I stayed up all night to figure out what was what, and I've got it now."

"Well, that's good. Right?"

"Yeah, it is," he said decidedly and expertly flipped a pancake in the air "I'm going to go to the funeral. You know why? So I can throw dirt at his coffin."

I considered that as well as the things he'd told me in the past about how his dad had beaten him up for being gay. "That's an excellent reason."

"I know, right? Of course, it would have been better if he'd been alive when I threw dirt at him, but it's better than nothing."

We sat down to eat after I'd convinced him that he didn't have to make anymore pancakes unless he wanted to go down on the street to hand them out to people. Bella joined us a little later and hugged James until he squealed.

"She kicked me!" He stared at Bella's stomach. "My niece kicked me."

And the old James was back. "Nephew," I said, trying not to smile.

"You still haven't gotten a second opinion, so I'm not convinced. Sit down, baby mama, and eat some pancakes. I'm sure my niece loves Auntie James' pancakes."

James and Sue left later that day to go to James' father's funeral. They'd be gone for a few days, and until then my Project Get Bella To Stop Working was temporarily suspended because she was needed at the bar. Well, that and she threatened my balls with a meat hammer. Seth worked at the diner after school to help out, and Charlie was considering hiring another bartender. Even if Bella was stubborn as hell, BC was being a good boy and slowed her down a lot. I'd even heard her give him his first scolding for that. I, on the other hand, went and bought him a stuffed giraffe as a reward.

Sue returned after two days, joining Bella, Charlie, and I while we were having lunch at the diner. "I helped James throw dirt at the coffin and told his mother what I thought of her – respectfully and all since she'd just lost her husband, of course. James ran into some friends and wanted to stay an extra few days," she told us.

"The boy doing okay?" Charlie asked.

"I think he is," she replied, stealing a french fry from her husband's plate. "And I think it was a wise decision for him to attend the funeral. His no-good mother tried to guilt him into buying her a house of all things, but he handled himself beautifully. I think he's finally free of those awful people."

"Good for him," Bella said, munching thoughtfully on a carrot stick. "You know, growing up I never appreciated how lucky I was to have awesome parents. I don't know why, as I could see Rose and Emmett struggle with theirs. I guess I just thought they were the exception to the rule. Instead, it seems, I am. Thank you, Mom and Dad."

Sue reached over to hug her, but Charlie saw the tears in her eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably. Firecracker tears were still my kryptonite, but I'd gotten better at distinguishing between the real ones and the pregnancy ones. Charlie, however, looked like he was ready to go do some inventory. How had the dude not figured it out, having had two kids? I mentally shook my head at him and tried not to laugh.

The following days, Charlie enlisted my help in his quest for a new bartender. He'd set up a string of interviews with applicants, and my presence was needed, apparently. After the first two, I wanted to stab my eyes out. And cut off my ears. There was no end to the stupidity. My admiration for Charlie skyrocketed as I sat listening to him ask questions from his little note book and patiently listen to their answers that were so horrible that my brain went numb. It might even have bled a little.

One guy, right out of high school, thought he was interviewing for a position as manager. Another one could only work every other Wednesday, while a third believed drinking alcohol was a deadly sin. And then there was Renee who had applied, too. Charlie made up a bad excuse and gave me the note book, telling me to take care of it and whatever I did, not to hire her.

Two wasted days as there was no one Charlie wanted to hire, even if someone paid him. Then, out of the blue, a solution presented itself. I was helping out at the diner as Leah was out sick when James came barreling in, dragging some poor guy in a hoodie after him.

"Papa Swan! Papa Swan!" James yelled, making everyone look at him.

Charlie stuck his head out from the kitchen. "Where's the fire, boy?"

James let go of the guy and ran over to hug Charlie. "I missed you, Papa Swan!"

Patting James on the back, Charlie chuckled. "I missed you, too, son. It's been so damn quiet around here lately."

"I'll fix that," James promised seriously. "First, though. Mama Swan said you were looking for a new bartender. I found you one!"

Charlie looked pensive. "You did?"

"Yes!" James replied, enthusiastically, pointing over at the guy he'd come in with. "I found myself a real soldier boy like Bella did! And guess what? He's a bartender, too. What do you say, Papa Swan?"

I looked at the guy, and when James dragged him forward, I suddenly recognized him. "Alec?"

He looked over at me and grinned. "Edward Cullen! I'll be damned. I barely recognized you with all that hair."

"It's good to see you again," I said, smiling. We'd served together on the last tour, and I knew he was a nice guy. I hadn't known he was gay, but it was pretty obvious from the way James had attached himself to his arm that there was something between them. I decided that I was happy for them.

"It's good to see you, too. I didn't connect the 'hunky man meat' James told me about with you, although maybe I should have," he said, grinning.

_Great. Another one._ James had clearly found a kindred spirit.

Alec said hello to Charlie, and five minutes later Alec and James had charmed Charlie into hiring a new bartender on the spot. Interesting times were ahead.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **See you next time!


	28. Shark Tank

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Apologies for the wait. *edits out long, pointless string of excuses* Thanks to Sherry for pre-reading!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

**Shark Tank**

I sighed, trying to find a more comfortable position on the couch. Since our last doctor's visit, I'd been banned from working at the bar. My ankles had been swelling slightly, and when I'd told the doctor about it, she'd suggested that I needed to sit down and put my feet up more. Edward had taken it a step further, insisting I quit work and stay at home. I'd refused, but he'd enlisted the help of my mother. As soon as she'd started in on me about how it was time I let everyone else pick up the slack, I knew I'd lost.

I had relented without much of a fight, because it would have been pointless. Since James had dragged Alec back to Forks, I'd been spending most of my time either in the office or sitting on a stool behind the bar while he served customers with Edward and James. It was obvious I was more in the way than I was helping, so I let it go.

Dad had trained Edward to do closing duties in my absence, and he'd taken the new responsibilities seriously. The diva was driving me nuts, because he would come to tattle on Edward all the time, hoping I'd side with him. James did not like that Edward was a tougher boss than I'd ever been. I thought it was funny as hell, and every time I told James that, he'd pout.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I scooted toward the end of the couch, heaving myself up and waddling to the door. At eight months pregnant, I could no longer call it walking with the size of my stomach. BC was active, kicking the crap out of my spleen as I went to see who it was. I rubbed the side of my stomach, hoping to soothe his movements.

"Please, BC. Mommy needs that. It's kind of important. Maybe you should take a nap."

I rolled my eyes at myself, knowing it was pointless to plead with an unborn baby to go to sleep. If I thought bribery would work, I'd have totally done it, though. I was so tired of being pregnant and wanted the kid out of me already.

Two short pounds sounded out as I got to the door. "I'm coming."

Unlocking and opening the door, I saw that Alec was on the other side. I kept the sigh that wanted to escape inside, knowing that he was only doing what he'd been told. I waved him in and walked away from the door. It was easier to just let him shut it, because he was too polite for his own good, and I wasn't in the mood to argue over how independent I still was, even though I was pregnant.

Edward—I loved that man, even if he was a worry wart—had decided since he was boss, and his employees were now his lackeys, one of their duties would be to come up and check on me every so often. I tried to explain to Edward I'd be fine and if I needed him, I'd use my phone. He wasn't having it, though, and went through a list of reasons why I wouldn't be able to call if I was hurt or in trouble. I'd just huffed and walked away from him.

"You know, you don't really have to come check on me. You could go next door for a while and pretend you did." I sat down, looking up at Alec.

"And suffer the wrath of Sergeant Cullen? Yeah, no thanks. He's a mean son of a bitch when you refuse to follow orders. I keep telling James to just play along, but I think my Georgia peach likes to try his patience." Alec sat down next to me, shaking his head with a smile on his face.

I'd been a little worried when James first brought Alec home, but as the days passed, I could see he was perfect for our diva. Where James was brash and nosy, Alec was more quiet and reserved. That didn't mean that he was boring, though. Alec was just more subtle in his wit.

"Well, I think James just likes it when Edward yells at him." I snickered.

"You're probably right. So, Mama, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Really. I'm just really bored up here all by myself. I think I'm going to call Rose and see if she wants to hang out with me at the bar. It's sad, but I miss that place."

"Okay. But let me help you downstairs."

I gave him a withering look. "I'll be fine. Thanks, though."

"Yeah, I'm helping you anyway. Edward can't kill me if I make sure you get there safely."

_Why do all the men in my life think I'm incapable of taking care of myself?_

"Ugh. Fine."

I reached over and grabbed the phone, dialing Roses number. She said she'd love to keep me company at Downstairs and said she'd be right over. I got up to put on some more appropriate clothes since I was still dressed in my pajamas. Once I was ready, I let Alec assist me down the stairs.

~.~.~.~

The bar was busy, but not too busy, when we entered. James was pouring Renee a drink, and Edward was stocking some rum. Dad was seated at a table with a few of his hunting buddies, laughing and joking around. I'd missed the atmosphere in the place, and I didn't know how I was going to handle being away from it after BC was born.

"Bella! You're not supposed to be up. Damn it." Edward set down the bottles and came rushing out from behind the bar, taking Alec's place. He glared at Alec and then turned toward me.

I smacked him on the arm. "Edward Anthony Cullen, the doctor said I had to rest my feet. I'm not on bed rest, and I'm fucking bored. I can sit in a booth and hang out with Rose."

"But…but…it's not good for the baby…"

I huffed. "There's no smoking allowed in here. You think I'm going to get a second hand buzz from sitting next to someone drinking? Edward, I've tried to humor you, but if you don't knock it off, I'm going to make sure this is the last time I'm ever pregnant with your spawn."

He shrank back, wincing and cupping himself. "There's no need to be violent."

Edward led me over to a stool and helped me onto it. I pulled him down by his shirt, pressing my lips against him in a heated kiss. When we parted, he had a goofy smile on his face and a skip in his step. He knew I wasn't that mad at him, but I hoped he wouldn't push things too far. I would not be responsible for my actions.

"Do you know what your delicious husband made me do earlier?" James asked as soon as Edward was serving a customer. "I had to carry in this big, heavy box. Now look." He held his hands out in front of my face. "My new manicure is all ruined."

I resisted the urge to face palm him and glanced down at his nails. They were fine, and the clear coat of nail polish hadn't even been disturbed. James was a fucking moron at times.

"What do you want me to do about it? I'm on maternity leave."

James pouted. "You could deny him sex. That would teach him to be nicer."

I raised an eyebrow in question.

"Okay, okay. You're right. That would only make the sexy soldier a bigger prick. Maybe you could blow him before work. Or give him a hand job. Anything to make him more pleasant." The diva folded his hands in a begging gesture.

"You just want him to be more willing to let you slack off. Sorry, James. It's not going to happen. You should quit bugging me and get back to work."

"Ha! I told you she'd be on my side!" Edward called out from the other end of the bar.

James hung his head, walking away. Alec chuckled and put his arm around James' shoulder, whispering in his ear. The smile that lit up James' face told me I did not want to know what that conversation was about. Just because the diva was an incessant pest when it came to personal details didn't mean I was. There were some things better left unsaid.

"I wouldn't mind a little action before work, though. Just so you know." I heard Edward's voice next to my ear. I jerked back and saw that my husband was leaning over the counter, looking at me.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. Do you know how uncomfortable some positions are right now?" I whispered, holding my hand over the side of my face.

"It never hurts to try." Edward shrugged and walked off to help another customer.

"Bella!"

I turned and saw Rose walk into the bar. We hugged when she reached me, and she helped me off of the stool and into a booth. God, I hated being so helpless.

"I'm so glad you called, Bella. Emmett is driving me crazy," Rose said, folding her hands on the table.

"Really?"

"Ugh. Yes. No offense, but ever since you popped, Emmett has trying to talk me into starting our family. It's like the man has baby fever or something. I mean, I want children someday, but I kind of wanted it to be just us for a while."

Thinking about what Rose had said, I kind of wished Edward and I would have had the chance to get to know each other better before BC had come along. Even though we'd been married for a few months, we were still getting to know each other. And pretty soon, we'd be adding another person to the mix. I envied Rose a tiny bit, because she'd get to have Emmett all to herself for little bit longer.

"Damn it. I should keep my mouth shut. I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to dump my problems onto you." She fidgeted with the napkin beside her arm.

My thoughts must have been easy to read on my face. Crap. "It's okay, Rose." I reached over and patted her hand. "In some ways, I wish Edward and I could have more time by ourselves, but then again, I can't imagine BC not being around, and he hasn't even been born yet. I'm not mad."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem. Now, tell me what that big lug is up to."

"Well, it started with him talking about how cool it would be if we were parents. Then he thought begging might soften me. When it didn't, he started researching birth control failure percentages. I swear the man is going to drive me nuts." Rose slumped in her seat and blew out a breath.

I giggled, trying to picture Emmett calculating his chances at becoming a father.

"I think I need a night away from him. Any chance I can talk you into kicking your husband out for the night? We can eat ice cream and watch that show I keep telling you about."

Ah, yes. Rose had been raving about some zombie show on television. I had yet to see it, because I wasn't sure I wanted to watch an undead apocalypse. But the ice cream sounded fabulous. Maybe I could talk her into getting me a few other treats my stupid, overprotective husband wouldn't let me have.

"We can do that. I think I need a break from Edward, too. I love him, but he's taking this 'Bella can't be on her feet' thing too far. Do you know he carried me to the bathroom the other day? He's so lucky I love him."

Rose snorted and shook her head. "He looks at you like you're the most precious thing in the world. There are worse problems to have."

I leaned my head on my hand. "You're right. I know I complain, but I really do love him. It's just hard because we're both so stubborn."

"I think it's good you have someone that will challenge you." Rose winked. "I'm thirsty…I think I'm going to get something. You want anything?"

"Ahem."

I looked up and noticed James standing over us. I was kind of glad, because we could just make him go get it for us, and I didn't have to sit in the booth alone.

"Can I help you?" I gave him a big, cheesy grin.

James waved his hands at me, and I scooted over. He slid into the booth next to me and let his head drop to the table—face first. As quickly as I could, I moved my hand to where James would have made contact with the table, preventing him from slamming his head into the wood.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper-yelled.

"You have to help me. Sergeant Satan said he's going to run things like a well-oiled machine from now on. When I asked him if flavored oil was okay, you know, so I would be properly lubed up, he said 'keep it up and flannel will be your new uniform'." His face was pointed toward the table.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, removing my hand as I tried to not let my frustration out.

"Butter buns used to be so nice. Now he acts just like you. Ugh. You two are so perfect for each other. Make it stop, Bella. Please, please come back." James raised his head and looked over at me.

"You know I can't. Between Edward and Mom, no one is going to let me come back. Besides, Alec works with you guys now. Just tell him to protect you." I glanced over at Rose and saw she was trying to hold her laughter in.

"But he won't help me," James whined like a toddler. "He said I'm lazy, and it would be good for me to learn some work ethic. I'm too pretty to do manual labor."

I laid my own head on the table, wishing the diva would just go away already. I did not need his drama at the moment. I had been having fun with Rose, and he was going to end up ruining it.

I picked my head up and turned toward James, noticing he was looking at me with pleading eyes. We stared at each other for a few moments, and James was the first to break away. "Fine. I'll just go tattle to Mama Swan. So, anyway, what are we doing, ladies? I know you're planning something."

Ah. The real reason he'd come over to bug us. James was, if nothing else, very, very nosy. He could spot plans that may not include him a mile away, and I knew it'd just be easier to invite him. Maybe I could talk him into getting me snacks. That was, if Rose wouldn't do it.

"I think we're going to have a slumber party tomorrow night." I eyed Rose, and she nodded her head.

James clapped his hands and bounced in the seat. "Oh, that sounds fun. I think we should watch some yummy Tom Cruise."

"Yeah, no dice, princess. We're watching zombies."

James face twisted up like he'd sucked on a lemon. "There is nothing sexy about zombies. Tom would be a much better choice."

"Says you. I'd rather watch the undead eat people than suffer through a movie by that no talent hack."

James clutched his chest and released a shocked gasp. "You take that back!"

"Not a chance in hell."

"Excuse me, ladies." I looked around James and noticed Alec standing at the end of the table. Setting a tequila sunrise in front of Rose, and a glass of water for me, he smiled and looked pointedly at James. "Boss man says to get your ass back to work, or you're going to clean under the kegs tonight."

"See what I mean? He's Satan, I tell you!" James left the table in a huff, and Alec followed behind him, staring at his ass.

"I think Alec is good for James," Rose said out of the blue. "If nothing else, we know who to go to if the diva starts acting up."

"Poor Alec." I chuckled.

~.~.~.~

"Bella," Edward whined. "I can't believe I'm being kicked out."

I felt slightly guilty, because it had been Edward's morning to work in the diner. He and Leah had been trading shifts here and there so he could have some nights off, and she could get some experience serving thirsty customers. It was no secret that Leah wanted to work in the bar—we all were aware her and Mom didn't see eye to eye when it came to cooking. So Edward had been more than willing to offer Leah the opportunity.

"I know. I'm sorry, Edward. But I need some time with Rose. After BC is born, I'm not going to get many chances for this." I stuck out my bottom lip for maximum effect.

"You don't play fair." He mock glared and then sighed. "Fine, have your little girly night. I'll just go sleep on Emmett's floor or something."

"If that was supposed to be a guilt trip, you just crashed and burned. I know for a fact Rose and Emmett have a nice couch that pulls out into a bed." I watched Edward huff. "James is much better at making people feel bad. At least he makes sure he has all the facts straight before he starts."

Edward's lips twitched as he turned from his spot on the couch next to me, looking in my direction. "I guess one night isn't going to kill me."

I leaned over and placed a chaste peck on his lips, pulling back to grin at him. Edward wasn't impressed with my cheekiness and claimed my mouth in a heated kiss. My fingers wove through his hair, and I couldn't keep my groan back, thinking about how long it had been. Between being uncomfortable from the pregnancy, and all the extra time Edward had been putting in for when BC would be born, we'd not had time to be intimate. My body was ignited as Edward expertly devoured me. I had missed that, so much.

A sharp pain in my side erased all my desire, causing me to pull away from him and gasp. Immediately, Edward switched to panic mode, fluttering around me and asking if I was okay.

"I'm fine," I said as I took a few deep breaths. "BC just wanted to turn and find a more comfortable position."

Edward massaged his eyes and spoke in a low voice, "My kid is already cockblocking me."

I slapped his chest, scowling. Edward turned red, making me believe I wasn't supposed to hear that last comment. I shook my head and smiled. "I need to move. Sitting like this isn't comfortable anymore."

He scooted back and let me turn so I could lie on my side. Propping my feet on his lap, he grabbed one and started rubbing. I closed my eyes from the blissful feeling.

"I'm glad there is still one thing I can do that brings you pleasure," Edward said as he worked on the arch of my foot. Once he finished, he switched and the feel of his fingers digging into the sore spots caused me to moan.

As I lay there, enjoying his attention, I caught sight of his rather large problem. It really had been a long time, and I wondered if switching locations would help ease my discomfort. Even though I probably wasn't going to get anything out of it, I wanted to try and make him feel good, too.

I waited until he was done with my foot, and then I asked him to help me up. He gave me a confused look, and when I explained I wanted to go lay down, his brow wrinkled further, but he did as I asked.

"Is there anything you need?" Edward asked, after he'd made sure I was comfortable.

"Yes." I smiled up at him. "I need you. Get in bed with me."

His eyes flashed with desire. Clearing his throat, he averted my gaze and settled in next to me. Edward's posture was stiff, and I knew it was because he was turned on and didn't want to bother me. Silly boy didn't realize I wanted to be bothered.

"I just can't get comfortable. Help me?" I pouted.

Edward sat up to adjust pillows and help position me until I was almost eye-level with his crotch while laying on my side, and a couple of pillows propped me up slightly. Perfect. I smiled up at him and watched him gulp.

"You take such good care of me," I murmured, toying with the button on his pants. "And I want to show you just how much I appreciate it. Will you let me show you?"

"I…uh…Bella, what are you doing?" Edward stammered, looking down at me with wide eyes.

"Shhhhh." I released the button and pulled his zipper down, making sure to ghost my fingers over his impressive bulge.

"You don't have to do this. I didn't…"

I shook my head and tried to pull his pants and boxers down. He stared at me, looking like he was going to protest. I held his gaze, and he blew out a breath, pushing them down for me. Triumphant, I grabbed his cock and rose up, licking his slit.

"Ohhhhhh, fuck." His cry echoed through the room.

Smiling, I took him in my mouth while stroking the base of his shaft. His sounds of pleasure spurred me on as I bobbed up and down. Edward never asked for anything, content to give rather than take. I wasn't sure if it was in spite of his upbringing, but he was one of the sweetest and selfless people I knew.

If the simple act of giving my husband a blow job, something I wasn't fond of, would show him I appreciated everything he had done, then it was worth it. His hips began to move as I increased my speed, and I felt his hand on my neck, massaging it.

"Baby, that's it. God, I love you…so fucking much."

Sliding my hand over his thigh, I continued until I reached his sack, cupping his balls and kneading them. He shuddered and moaned, and I knew it wouldn't be long. I could feel his body stretch and then I saw a tissue appear on his stomach in my line of vision. Even as he was being pleasured, he still remembered I wasn't a fan of swallowing. Edward really was the perfect man.

I hollowed my cheeks out as I continued to bring him closer and closer to release. My back felt stiff, my neck was starting to hurt, and I really, really needed to pee, but I was going to finish it. From the sounds that were coming from Edward's mouth, I knew he was enjoying himself, and it would have been tragic to stop for my own discomfort. I'd get over it.

"I'm going to come."

I pulled my mouth off and started stroking him, making sure to include his sensitive head. "Oh, fucking hell, Bellllllaaaaaaa." I scrambled to grab the tissue and covered the head as he let out a guttural groan. He filled the tissue and jerked. His body tensed up, and his head was thrown back in bliss. The sight of him lost in his own pleasure was still one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen. To just witness it was more fulfilling in that moment than any uncomfortable fuck could have been.

Edward relaxed into the mattress with a huge grin on his face, panting and raising his hand to push the hair out of his face. "Goddamn, woman."

"I aim to please. Can you move?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Um, because I need to pee, and I'd like to throw this away. I don't think I can get up on my own." I waved the used tissue.

He let out a loud laugh. "I can do that." He lifted his hips and pulled his pants and underwear back up, quickly fixing himself. It didn't take Edward long to stand up and help me from the bed. I wanted to be annoyed at the ease in which he was able to move around, but my full bladder killed my protest.

I wanted to sigh in relief the moment I was able to relieve myself, but I refrained. Finishing, I washed my hands and brushed my teeth to remove any residual taste. I couldn't imagine any woman that enjoyed the taste of giving head. Anyone who said different was fucking loony.

"Feel better?" Edward asked as I exited the bathroom.

"Much." I smiled and lay back down on the bed.

"It's such a shame I'm going to miss this slumber party. You're killing my teenage dream of crashing one of these things."

"How is that?"

"Don't you guys wear lingerie and have pillow fights and shit at these things? I'm wasting a perfect opportunity to see you in something sexy." He bit his lip and eyed me.

"Um, yeah. You found out our little secret." I decided to play along, shaking my head like he'd guessed right. "I'm so going to have to give up my girl membership."

He chuckled. "Maybe I should stay…you know, for judging purposes."

"James may not like that. He says his lingerie is the hottest."

"Ugh. I just pictured James in barely there silk." Edward shuddered and scowled. "You could have just told me I was wrong."

"Where's the fun in that?"

~.~.~.~

"Army man is going to kill me. Just saying." James whined as he walked beside me.

"He won't know if you don't say anything." I looked over at James. "And he'll get over it if you do, tattletale."

James huffed and held open the door, following me inside the grocery store.

Edward had left to go to Emmett's after James had showed up, refusing to look at him. I couldn't help laughing as he kissed me goodbye and told me I was evil. We'd gotten a few dirty looks from James, but I'd given Edward an iron-clad promise I wouldn't repeat the "lingerie incident" as it was being called. Like I'd be that mean. However, I had my suspicions Edward knew I'd confessed the epic fail that was known as BC's conception. I wasn't sure how I knew that, I just did. And I wasn't going to give Edward any more reason to think I was a blabber mouth.

It was a onetime thing. It wasn't like I confided in the diva for everything.

James was happy to get out of the house, since Alec was working with Dad and Leah that night. He was still pouting about having to watch zombies, but I told him BC wanted to see blood and guts. He couldn't argue with that and just grimaced. _Pregnancy for the win_.

Rose ended up calling to let us know she was stuck at work for an extra half hour because a co-worker got sick, and her replacement couldn't come until then. I told her it'd be fine, and we'd see her when she got there. So, I figured I'd go get my own damn snacks, because there was no one there to tell me I couldn't. James, being the pest he was, insisted he come with me, since I wasn't allowed to do anything by myself anymore. Ugh.

"Contrary to what Edward thinks, walking is good for me. I just can't overdo it. Which I don't plan on. We'll go in, get the snacks, and then we'll go home. See? No big deal."

"Says you." James muttered. "It's not your manhood on the line."

I chuckled as I grabbed a cart. James was such a drama queen. Maybe I should buy his pouty ass a tiara. No, wait. He'd just think he was being rewarded for being an ass.

_I_ wanted to kill James as we shopped. Every time I went to place something less than healthy into the basket, James would tell me it wasn't "Mama Swan approved." When I said that "Mama Swan" wasn't there, and I could eat what I wanted to, he threatened to call Edward. Damn. No one wanted me to be happy, apparently. I ended up with a cart full of crap I didn't want. I could not wait until I got my body back, and I could eat whatever the hell I wanted to.

_Damn people thinking they can tell me what to do_.

We were in the frozen food section, and I'd somehow convinced the diva that ice cream was okay. Because it had milk and…stuff in it. James eyed me for a second and then proceeded to read the back of the cartons to be sure. As he was reading the tenth one, a voice that always made my blood run cold met my ears.

"I always knew you were a fucking slut. I guess we have proof now you do more than get on your knees."

"Don't talk to my Indian princess like that, Embry. I'll call Edward, and he'll come down here and kick your ass." James took a protective stance in front of me even though he was shaking.

I knew I was in trouble, but I couldn't make myself move. Running into Embry, in the grocery store of all places, was not how I imagined I'd ever see him again. After Edward had beaten the shit out of him, I'd thought he'd take the hint and back off. Clearly, I'd been wrong and found myself in a bad situation.

"Get out of my way, faggot."

A small kick to my abdomen let me know BC was aware something wasn't right. It was then I was able to unfreeze. It wasn't just about me…not anymore. I had more important things to think about, and I'd be damned if that piece of shit put my child in danger.

I stepped to the side of James and placed my hand on his shoulder. "I pity you."

Embry moved his gaze from James to me, a perplexed look on his face. "Oh, now you talk to me. Decided to quit hiding behind your fairy and that pretty boy?"

I ignored his scathing comment. "It must be scary to know you'll end up dying alone."

Embry scoffed. "How do you figure that? We both know you'll end up coming back to me. What the fuck are you talking about?"

I felt James arm go around my waist. "No, we both know I won't. For the longest time, I wondered how you were able convince me to stay for so long, after you started beating me. Then I realized it wasn't my fault. It was yours. You were the one who broke promises, manipulated me, and then hurt me. There was nothing I could have done to make it better…or even change you. You wanted to be a monster."

"Watch yourself. You know I never did anything other than try to correct your behavior. Thinking you could go anywhere dressed inappropriately or talk to other men. Girls who act like sluts need to be taught a lesson." Embry leaned down closer.

"Fuck you." My voice grew louder. "What lesson did you teach me? How to endure pain? I'm a grown fucking woman. I can dress or talk to whomever I want without permission. You were so afraid of not being in control, and it wasn't even yours to have. I feel sorry for you because you're pathetic, and you'll never get that."

Embry grabbed my arm, yanking me close to him. I could feel his fingers digging into the flesh, but I wasn't going to take it. Not that time. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that James had jumped into action and was pulling at his bicep, trying to get Embry to release me.

Deciding enough was enough, I thrust my knee into his groin. Embry dropped to his knees and cupped himself.

"I swear to God that is the last time you will ever touch her. I'll kill you myself, if I have to."

I spun around and saw Mike standing there, looking murderous. The rage in his eyes was scary, and standing in front of me was not the docile man we'd all thought him to be. Mike glared down at Embry, making him flinch.

"You realize that Edward will probably come after you now. You touched his wife. Whatever claim you think you had on Bella is gone. His overrides yours. If I were you, I'd leave town and never come back. Otherwise, you'll probably find yourself six feet under." Mike's eyes never left Embry.

Embry stood up and dusted himself off. "Fuck this town, anyway. You all are fucking pathetic. I'm outta here."

Embry turned on his heel and stormed out of the store. All the adrenaline that had helped me in my bravery left my body, and I started shaking. I'd just stood up to the monster of my nightmares, and that fact scared me. What had I been thinking? He could have hurt me far worse than he had, as well as BC.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go home. We can call Edward, okay?" James cooed, leading me toward the exit. Our purchases were left behind, because they were unimportant.

All I could do was nod my head. It wasn't until I walked through the door that I noticed Mike was still with us. And I also hadn't registered that Rose had been waiting outside the door for us. James helped me get into my pajamas and into bed, lying down with me. He curled around me and played with my hair.

"It'll be all right. Rose is calling Edward, and he'll be here soon. I know you probably don't care, but I'm proud of you. You were so brave, sweetie."

"You were brave, too." I whispered, staring at the wall. "I know we joke about killing Embry, but I was always sure you'd run if he ever confronted you. Thanks for not leaving me."

James snorted. "I'd never leave you with that fucker. I'd have screamed until someone paid attention to me. He wasn't going to take you."

I nodded, snuggling into his embrace. I was glad James was with me.

Time passed as I lay there in a fog. I concentrated on James' touch to ground me in the present. I didn't want to go back to that horrible place before I'd met him.

"Bella!" Edward's frantic voice cut through.

"In here!" James called out, squeezing my side.

Edward tore into the bedroom and stopped, taking in the scene. James got up and walked over to Edward, patting him on the back. Then he left the room. Slowly, Edward walked over and lay down next to me, pulling my back close to his front.

He nuzzled his face into my hair. "What the fuck were you thinking? All you would have had to do was ask. I would have been more than happy to take a trip to the store for you."

"But I'm a grown woman. I should be able to do things for myself. Why does everyone think I'm incapable?" I muttered, trying not to cry.

"I know. I know," Edward's soothing voice said by my ear. "I just…do you know what it'd do to me if I lost you?"

"If it's anything like what it'd do to me if I lost you, then I can guess."

Edward kissed my head. "Let me see your arm."

I knew then that James had given him the full version of the story, and not the edited one I'd hoped for. I sat up and pushed my sleeve over my arm, exposing the bruise. Looking up at Edward, I flinched. I'd never seen him as angry as I had then.

"Please don't do it." I pleaded, hoping to break through the rage. "Mike told him to leave town, or you'd find him. Please, please don't go after him. I need you. We need you. It's over."

His eyes cut to mine, softening. "Fine. I won't track him down, but I promise if I ever see him, he's a dead man. Bella, you won't be able to talk me out of it."

And I knew he was serious. The Embry situation had pushed him to his absolute limit, and a second encounter would leave Embry beaten or dead. I kissed him and nodded.

"So, since the slumber party is pretty much dead, do you want to watch some zombies with us?"

His mouth pulled up into a small grin. "Yeah. As long as someone dies, I think I can handle that."


	29. Cold Shower

****Disclaimer: ****We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Raise your hands. Who had expected a second chapter today? Yeah, thought so. LOL Thanks to Sherry for her pre-reading services. You are the best, honey!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 29 <strong>

**Cold Shower**

"You either attend the baby shower or I attend your next shower. Your choice."

I'd been awake no more than five minutes that morning before James had launched himself on me before I'd even gotten out of bed. Apparently, he'd lured Bella into opening the front door with the promise of some still warm apple danish. I'd gotten no pastries. Instead, I'd received an elbow in the gut before I'd managed to push him out of the bed and been threatened to go to the baby shower he was organizing.

I didn't even know what a baby shower was. Since BC hadn't arrived yet, I could rule out an actual shower of a baby.

"No way you're getting in the shower with me," I grumbled and sat up, careful to keep everything that needed to be covered under the sheet. I didn't need anymore photographs of myself half-naked hanging on James's walls. He still had the one from last time, and, of course, Alec just thought it was hilarious. Dumbass.

"What's a baby shower exactly?" I asked.

His eyes widened comically. "Oh, poor BC. Her daddy is so ignorant of all the important things in life."

I rolled my eyes.

"A baby shower is a celebration of the pending birth of Auntie James' little princess. There'll be gifts, cake, games, balloons, streamers, glitter, maybe strippers, some colorfu-"

"What? Strippers at a baby celebration? Are you insane? And BC's not a fucking girl!"

He stomped his foot. "She is too! Until yummy Dr. House has given a second opinion, I'm not believing your little amateur doctor, who obviously doesn't know a penis from a vagina."

"Who the hell is Dr. House?"

"Like I said…poor BC for having a daddy who knows absolutely nothing. Now excuse me. I'll go talk to your wife since I'm just wasting my time with you." Shaking his head, he marched out of the bedroom, allowing me to take a relieved breath.

When my knee finally decided to cooperate, I went to shower – though, only after double checking that I'd locked the bathroom door. When I emerged, I heard Bella yelling in the kitchen. Apparently someone hadn't learned not to mess with the pregnant lady.

"Get out!" she yelled.

"But I didn't mean it!"

"Didn't mean what?" I asked from the doorway, trying not to laugh – or cheer – when I saw that Bella was threatening James with a potato peeler.

Her eyes were watering when she looked at me, and her bottom lip quivered. "He said my ass is fat!"

"Lies! I said it was huge!" James objected. "I mean…no, I didn't say that!"

The potato peeler hit the wall just inches from his face, and he gasped. "Murderer!"

"Get the fuck out of my kitchen!" Bella yelled again. "You're a horrible, mean, little man!"

"I am not! I'm fabulous – so fabulous I pee glitter!"

And Bella had started throwing spoons. While crying. Digging out the semi-dormant sergeant inside of me, I ordered James out and sat down at the table with Bella sideways in my lap. "Don't listen to him," I told her.

"But he's right," she sniffled, wiping her face in her sleeve. "My ass _is_ huge!"

"It's not huge. And you're sitting on me, so I'd know," I pointed out. "Besides, as the husband, my opinion should matter more than the flamboyant friend's – and I think you're more beautiful than ever."

Another sniffle. "You're full of shit. You're sweet, but completely full of shit."

I hugged her close and buried my face in her hair. If I'd been good with words, then maybe I'd been able to convince that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. The fact that she was carrying my child didn't change that – quite the opposite, in fact. When I looked at her, I saw my whole world, and it was beautiful. Besides, her ass was spectacular.

"If you don't believe me, then why do you think I'm letting you sit on me?" I asked. "I don't just let anyone do that, you know."

That made her giggle. "You better not! I'll have those skinny girls' asses. You know, when BC stops slowing me down."

"Who said anything about skinny girls? I was thinking that James would probably be first in line."

"Damn diva can sit on his own soldier," she muttered.

"Speaking of the diva…what's this baby shower business?"

She groaned and hid her face against my neck. "Don't remind me. I may have to claim bed rest that day. Hell, I'll take labor over diaper games or whatever the hell he's planning."

"Diaper games?" I shuddered. "You have to come. He threatened to join me in the shower if I didn't attend, but there's no way I'm facing something called diaper games alone. Can't we just wait until BC's born and then let him attend alone? It's called a _baby_ shower, after all. Not a parents shower. Oh, hey, there's an idea! We can take our own shower while James throws BC a baby shower."

"Clearly, I married you for your smarts. Let's do that," she decided. "You know, if my big ass can fit into the shower."

I squeezed said ass. "Shut up. I married that ass – along with the rest of your beautiful body – and I won't have anyone talking badly about it. Not even you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go break James' fingers."

"My hero."

I didn't break his fingers, but I did make him clean and check all the kegs after he'd spent an hour apologizing to Bella. Being the kinda-boss was awesome. Alec liked my idea of making James slave because that meant that he could check out the Georgia peaches. I had no idea what that meant until I saw him looking at James' ass. Then I fled upstairs to help out at the diner for a while.

In the end, it took Alec's help to make Bella and me go to the baby shower. He'd suggested to James that if the photos of me naked and the one of Bella and I in the office were to be put on sale on eBay, then James would have no problems getting us to agree to the baby shower thing. And he was right. I tried tattling to Sue, but she was all excited about the baby shower, too. She was also the one who had seen right through Bella's excuse of contractions that meant she and I needed to go to the hospital.

We'd been so sure it would work, but no. So we sat in the middle of the bar, slightly afraid of what was going to happen. I'd heard from Charlie that there'd been a heated discussion between Sue and James about the decorations. Sue – being the rational of the two – had wanted everything to be in blue since she had no problems accepting that she was getting a grandson. James, however, had not yet seen the light. So based on the decorations it kind of looked like we were having twins – one boy and one girl.

From what I'd learned, baby showers were mostly for women, but James being James didn't want to miss out. How he'd gotten everyone to attend was beyond me, but I wasn't the only man who looked uncomfortable in the maze of streamers, balloons, and diaper…creations. Emmett and Jasper were holed up in a corner, peering suspiciously at something made of diapers that looked like…well, I didn't actually know what it looked like. Maybe The Leaning Tower of Pisa. Or a moose.

"Can you get me a whiskey?" Bella asked, never taking her eyes the line of people coming through door, all carrying colorful presents, one bigger than the other.

I snorted. "No. But I can get you a bottle of water or some juice."

"Spoilsport. You love torturing me, don't you?"

"Of course I don't. I just think BC's a little young to be drinking yet, that's all."

"Son of two bartenders? Ass-kicking his way through a condom? Yeah, I think he's going to be spitting out the milk and demanding alcohol soon enough," she said, patting her stomach.

"Awesome. An alcoholic baby. I hope there's a gift card for antabuse or an invitation from AA in one of those gifts. Now, water or juice?"

She laughed. "Water, please."

"Coming right up." I leaned over to give her a kiss before going around the bar to find something to drink.

While getting a bottled water from the fridge, I heard voices in the office.

"I'm too big. It won't fit!" Alec said, exasperated.

"Yes, it will. Just try again, but slower," James replied.

I frowned, not sure I wanted to know what they were up to.

"Ow! Don't do that! Babe, I'm telling you. I'm too big," Alec insisted.

James grunted. "You think Eddie-poo would fit?"

Alec snorted. "He's even bigger than me."

"But I need this!" James insisted. "You big soldier boys suck."

"You like it when I suck."

"Focus! Less sucking and more fitting into this lovely tight thing, please."

Alec snorted again. "I won't fit no matter how much we try. I'll just rip it, and then who's going to cry?"

"All right, all right. I'll do it. Sweet baby Jesus, must I do everything myself? Pull that off and give it to me. I just need to take off my clothes. At least give me a hand with that?"

I didn't stick around long enough to hear Alec's reply, but hightailed it back to Bella as fast as I could.

"You look like you just met a ghost who vomited on your favorite shoes," Bella commented when I sat down next to her and handed her a bottle of water.

I stared at her. "Huh? How the hell do you come up with that stuff?"

She shrugged. "I'm bored. Has this thing started yet or are we waiting for BC to arrive first?"

I had no idea, but an hour later I was kind of wishing that I'd appreciated the calm before the baby shower storm a little more. It was difficult to be ungrateful because James and Sue, who were the shower generals, clearly wanted to do their best for Bella and me. We were drowning in gifts, and our family and friends wanted to celebrate BC with us. But it was madness. I couldn't turn my head without Sue snapping a photo, and Bella had slapped the last three people who had wanted to touch her stomach.

At one point, I even heard her beg BC to save her. "Come on, baby," she told her stomach. "Help your mommy, please. The presents are already here, so today would be a really good day for your birthday. Please come out?"

There was torture, only everyone insisted it was called games. Baby Shower Bingo. Name That Baby Tune. Pregnant Twister. What Will Baby Look Like. Baby Stroller Olympics. Diaper Changing Marathon. Who's That Baby. Personally, I thought it should all be called Edward's Nightmare.

There were a couple of highlights, like when my baby picture turned up in Who's That Baby and Sue told me how she'd called my mom and asked her to send a stack of pictures of me as a kid. My mom hadn't been very cooperative, but relented when Sue threatened to come to Seattle to pick them up herself. I also liked the Diaper Changing Marathon where all the men competed against each other. I found out that I wasn't as bad at it as I'd expected. Charlie won and Alec was the absolute worst, turning the diaper inside out.

The rest just made me wonder what the hell the point of a baby shower was. It didn't help when a big cake was rolled in and James popped out of it wearing a pink glitter top and a diaper. A very tight, pink glitter top. And a very big diaper. He started reciting a poem or something about BC being a girl, but he didn't get very far before Charlie interrupted him and said that either he stopped reciting and put on some clothes or he got used for target practice. Charlie was my hero.

Alec found it all hysterically funny and was nearly crying when he sat down next to Bella. "I tried to talk him out of it, I swear, but it was either him or a stripper jumping out of that damn cake, and I figured he would wear more clothes."

"That glitter outfit is going to give me nightmares," Bella said, peering up from one of the many cards we'd received. "But at least Dad intervened before he could finish his poem."

"They're…creative," Alec said, diplomatically, unable to suppress the smile completely.

Bella just snorted. "So, which one of you handsome soldiers is going to get me another piece of cake?"

Alec looked torn. On one hand, he feared the pregnant firecracker, but on the other hand, there was still a part of him that saw me as Sergeant Cullen.

"Baby, you already had two," I pointed out gently.

That earned me a glare. "Your son wants another piece."

Of course she had to use that one. And of course he did – Sue had made the cake, and my kid had great taste. Alec saw the surrender on my face because he jumped up to get Bella her cake. James had really struck gold with Alec. I wished I'd known him better when we'd been in the Army because he was a great guy and a great friend. He fit into our lives effortlessly, and the only one who'd needed a little while to warm up to him was Rose. She had to be certain that he wasn't another one of those Army stalkers she'd thought I was at first. The girl was protective of her friends.

Alec and Bella had connected instantly and developed a special bond, which touched something deep inside of me. She had never really connected with Jasper, and my family had never given her a chance, so Alec was the only one who played part of my past that she had formed a relationship with. I wasn't selfish enough to think that I was the reason they'd bonded, but I liked it. If any one person had pulled them together, it was likely Jake. Or maybe James. Just like it had been the case with her and me.

When people started get ready to leave, Bella and I thanked everyone for coming and for the gifts we'd received. They had been incredibly generous, and although parts of the afternoon had been kind of horrible, I loved that they all wanted to celebrate BC with us. Alec had even managed to subdue James into behaving like a rational human being after the whole cake thing. I was going to ask Alec how he'd done it later, praying the reply was nothing dirty.

Just as they all began filing out one after one, Leah started yelling up by the bar. "Don't touch me, asshole! I don't want to hear your stupid excuses! In fact, I never want to see you ever again!"

"Come on, Leah, you know I didn't mean to hurt you," Jasper argued.

"How the hell can you call texting all night with your stupid ex _not_ hurting me?" Leah asked. "And I'm sure you were just concerned about her health when you asked her what she was wearing, right? Seriously, how stupid do you think I am?"

"What the hell were you doing with my phone anyway?"

"Checking the time!" Leah spat. "And when I saw that you'd changed the picture from us at the Space Needle to some unknown woman, I fucking snooped! Sue me!"

"Baby, I swea-"

He didn't get any further in whatever he was saying before Rose's fist connected with his chin. I was pretty sure he hadn't even seen her coming. Jasper swore, Rose cried out in pain, and Leah obviously got inspired as she promptly kicked his shin.

Emmett already had ice ready for Rose's hand, and he led her over to a booth in the corner before she took anymore swings. She did look like she wanted to even though she was obviously in pain. Bella and Sue took care of Leah, and I decided to get Jasper out of there. Not so much for his own sake, but to keep everyone inside calm.

"Explain," I told him while steering him up the stairs. Alec had tossed Jasper an ice pack on the way out, and he was holding it gingerly against his chin.

Stepping into the parking lot, he leaned against his car before he started talking. "Fucking hell. Rose packs a mean punch."

"I saw that part," I replied, impatiently. "What did you do to Leah?"

He dropped the ice pack and stared at me. "What did I…shit, Edward. I thought you were on my side."

Snorting, I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head in amazement. "That's rich coming from you considering how you were never on my side. Now I'm going to ask you again – what did you do to Leah?"

"Nothing! She overreacted, that's all. And I was on your side."

"I don't believe you in either case," I told him. Then I sighed. "You know, back when you emailed me and asked me to call you, I kept wondering if we could somehow get back to the point in our lives where we were best friends. And for a while I thought we'd succeeded at least a little bit. But the fact is that if you hurt Leah, I'll have no problems kicking you as far out of town as I can.

"I didn't say anything when you started dating my sister all those years ago, and the two of you can keep fucking up each others lives until the end of time for all I care. But I do care when you hurt an innocent girl in the process. You're forgetting that Leah is family, and not having your family's back might be okay in Seattle and the Cullen family, but it's not okay up here."

He nodded slowly. "I guess that's it then. You've made your choice."

"You were the one who chose, Jasper," I corrected him. "It just took you almost a decade to realize the consequences of your choice."

"We don't all have it as easy as you, being guided by some divine destiny, going to war and coming home a hero to have everyone fawn over you. The rest of us have to work for it."

"Fuck you, Jasper. Just fuck you. You have no idea what you're talking about, and if you think I came home a hero and not broken, then that just shows what a shitty friend you are – what a shitty friend you've always been!"

"Whatever." He threw down the ice pack and unlocked his car, only to stop short when Emmett came jogging over.

"Dude," he said, looking at Jasper. "That's so not okay to be sexting the crack bunny behind Leah's back. What the hell did she ever do to you, man?"

Jasper looked torn between wanting to get the hell out of there and explaining himself to Emmett. "She didn't do anything, and I wasn't sexting with Alice. I was ju-"

"Don't," Emmett interrupted him, holding up Jasper's phone. "I read the texts."

Jasper closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Dude was so busted. When he opened his eyes again, Emmett threw him his phone, and I cracked a smile when his aim was off, sending the phone smashing onto the asphalt.

"Nice, Em," Jasper commented and picked up the pieces.

Emmett shrugged. "Oops? Now get lost or I might see if I can hit you harder than my wife did. Maybe Edward wants to take a swing, too, since there is – sorry, _was_ – a text on your phone that proves that you were the one who told his parents where to find him."

I wasn't even surprised after finding out how he'd treated Leah. "So you've been lying the whole time? That's nice, Jasper. You and Alice are really perfect for each other, and I hope there will be a lot of mutual destruction going on between the two of you."

I turned to leave, not interested in wasting anymore of my time on him.

"It wasn't like that, Edward!" Jasper called out. "I just…fuck. I know she's bad for me, but she's like a drug. I can't stay away, man."

I didn't care, so I just kept walking. Behind me, Emmett and Jasper were still yelling at each other, but it had nothing to do with me anymore. Emmett was arguing with his roommate from college, that was all. I believed in second chances because I felt that I'd been given one in Forks, but I regretted giving Jasper one because Leah had ended up getting hurt. At least now we all knew better when it came to him.

Back inside, I went over to Leah, who was entertaining everyone who'd listen by telling stories of how much Jasper sucked in bed. I waited until she'd illustrated with her fingers how small his cock was. The girl was awesome.

"Leah, I'm really sorry for having part in that bastard coming into your life," I said to her.

"It's not you fault he's an idiot, Edward," she replied, sighing deeply and downing her drink. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to blame someone, but the fact is that I can't blame anyone but myself for falling for him."

Alec appeared with another drink, and after thanking him, she tilted her head thoughtfully. "I think the problem was that he wasn't a soldier. Look at Bella and James. They're happy as clams with you soldier boys. Can't you guys set me up with someone from you old unit or platoon or whatever?"

"Um…" I didn't know what to say, but Alec didn't have the same problem. He sat down next to her and gave her a bright smile. "You betcha, honey. But let's wait a while, okay? These are good guys, so don't use them as rebounds."

She sighed. "Okay. But you promise to find me a soldier boy?"

Alec nodded. "I promise."

"Good." She stood up and addressed me. "Do you have a shift here at the bar for me tonight? If I go home, I'm just going to cry, and I refuse to waste any tears on Mr. Tiny Dick."

I looked around. While the Jasper drama had been going on, the bar had been cleaned up and the decorations had been taken down, and the guests had given place to customers. All the leftover food and the presents had been removed, as well. It was work time. "Sure. Alec or James can have the night off if they want. Maybe keep Bella company or something."

"Thanks, Edward." She downed the drink she'd just gotten from Alec and went around the bar.

"How about you take the night off and keep Bella company?" Alec suggested to me.

"Don't make it sound like a question, baby cakes," James said behind me. "Just tell him to go home to his baby mama."

Alec laughed. "You tell him. He wasn't your sergeant a year ago."

"Sadly, no. I would have been good at saluting Sergeant hot buns, though," James snickered.

"And you'd have looked great in a uniform," Alec added.

I just waited for them to realize that they were drifting off topic. I liked James' idea about me taking the night off. I was mentally exhausted after the crazy baby shower, and an evening on the couch with my lovely wife sounded like heaven. I didn't even know where she had disappeared off to, and I didn't like not knowing where she was so I couldn't check up on her. Or as she put it – annoy her. I figured a guy had the right to worry.

When I returned my attention to the lover boys, they were still blabbering.

"It's just a shame that the uniforms aren't a bit more fashionable," James lamented. "And that all the yummy soldiers can't just wear dress whites all the time. They'd look like Tom Cruise!"

"White's not very good as camouflage in the desert, though," Alec pointed out.

"Stupid desert." James pouted. "They should move the war to Antarctica."

I cleared my throat.

"Oh!" James looked at me, grinning. "Go home!"

"All right," I replied, obviously surprising him by not arguing. "Call me if you need me."

"Oh, muffin stud. You had your chance. I don't need you anymore now that I've got my own sexy soldier." James smiled serenely, and Alec laughed so much that he had to hold onto the counter behind him.

"Goodnight, guys," I said, shaking my head and fighting laughter. "Be nice to Leah, and don't forget to lock up, James."

"Yes, Daddy," James teased.

"Big Daddy!" Alec chortled.

And that was my cue to get out of there. I waved to Leah and hurried upstairs. While climbing the stairs, I got a text from Emmett, saying that Rose had had her hand checked out and everything was fine. And that his hand was fine, too.

I frowned. Had Emmett punched Jasper after I'd left them in the parking lot? I texted him and asked.

Upstairs, I found Bella on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table, chewing on a carrot stick and trying to balance her laptop on her stomach.

"Hello, husband. On lackey duty tonight?"

I chuckled and sat down next to her, pulling her in for a kiss. "You're a riot."

"I try," she replied and put the laptop down next to her. "You know, you're a much better lackey than Alec. He never kisses me like that when he comes up to check on me."

"I'd hope not! Wait. He never kisses you _like that_? That suggests that he does kiss you."

She shook her head and patted my cheek. "You're funny when you're jealous of a gay man so in love with his boyfriend that he can't see straight. I hope you know that."

I huffed. I wasn't jealous. "Speaking of gay men, then they were the ones to suggest that I took the night off. Leah wanted to work a shift so she wouldn't be stuck at home crying over Jasper."

Bella turned so she could better look at me, and I placed her feet in my lap so I could massage them. "Oh God, you are the best," she said and moaned when I started working on her foot. "What happened outside?"

I sighed. "He was a bastard. He's been lying from the start, both to Leah and me, and he spouted some nonsense about me having it easy because I came home a hero, which made everybody fawn over me. He just…he never even tried to understand. Emmett looked in his phone – before he smashed it, by the way – and he said that Jasper was also behind my parents showing up here. He's been playing us all."

Bella reached for my hand. "I'm so sorry, babe. I know you were starting to trust him again. When BC decides to bless us with his presence out here in the real world, I'm gonna go hunt down Jasper and tell him what I think of him."

I smiled at her. "I appreciate the thought, and it's kinda hot, but he's not worth it. He's a chapter that should have been closed with the rest of the miserable family book."

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out. "I don't know if you heard, but Rose's hand is okay," I said.

"Thank God. The last thing that girl needs is another cast."

I read the text from Emmett and chuckled. "Emmett punched Jasper, too. Got him in the eye. His hand is also fine."

Bella snorted. "I love those two."

"Yeah…" I smiled to myself and put my phone on the coffee table.

Tugging my hand, Bella made me look at her. It wasn't a chore. She looked cute with ruffled hair. "I know that it might take more than words to convince you considering your shitty family and just as shitty best friend, but BC and I are never leaving you. And no matter where you want to go or what you want to do, I'll always be there for you and be your biggest supporter. You need to know that, and if you don't know it now, I'll convince you."

Overcome with emotion, I pulled her into my lap and buried my face in the crook of her neck. "I know," I managed to say. "I love you so much. So much."

Bella let me fall apart for a while, letting me hold her while she ran her fingers through my hair. "I love you, too. More than anything."

When I'd pulled myself together, I looked up and gave her a smile. Then I kissed her before bending down to kiss her stomach. I had my whole world in my arms, and no one but me could ever claim to have the world's most amazing wife, because that title belonged solely to Bella. And I couldn't wait for BC to come out so I could meet him. I already knew my little man was awesome, but I wanted to hold him. And see him.

"Edward?"

I looked up. Bella was biting the inside of her cheek. "Yes?"

"Do you think it's weird that we haven't discussed names for BC yet? Mom and Rose keep pestering me about it."

I frowned. "Well…what if we decide on Peter and BC comes out not looking like a Peter?"

"Exactly!" she exclaimed. "But we're not naming him Peter, right? I mean, there's no way we could make a baby that looked like a Peter."

"Nah. We make awesome babies. Not sissy Peters."

I felt her nod against my neck, and we sat in silence for a while. I was trying to picture what BC would look like. I hoped he looked like Bella and grew up to be as awesome as all his Swan relatives.

"Edward?" Bella asked again.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to cook? Your son is hungry."

I chuckled. Now he was my son again. "Yeah, I'll cook. What do you – sorry, _BC_ – want?"

"Pasta. And something with apples."

And was there really anything better than spending an evening cookies pasta and something with apples for your wife – sorry, _son_?

I couldn't think of one damn thing.


	30. Bairn

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** On a roll here. Enjoy! Once again, thanks to Sherry for her generous help.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

**Bairn**

"You know, if you're just going to stand there, you can grab a sponge and help." I looked up at my husband who was staring at me like I was crazy and tugging on his hair.

"Is this really necessary? I mean, we do have a mop," Edward said as he plucked a yellow sponge off the counter and knelt down by the bucket.

I wrinkled my nose at him and went back to scrubbing. "Mops don't get the floor clean enough. I want this thing to sparkle."

"Pregnant women are nuts," Edward muttered, dipping his sponge in the water bucket and getting to work.

I had almost reached my due date, and I'd had the sudden urge to clean every corner of the apartment. Edward had, at first, freaked out every time I tried to do something, but after a conversation with my mom, he relented. He decided that helping me was a better idea than trying to stop me.

It seemed the nesting had begun, which meant I was about to get this kid out of me. And it couldn't have come sooner. The end of June had become oppressively hot, and I didn't know how much more of it I could take. It was bad enough I felt like a beached whale on the good days. On those really bad ones, I was nothing more than a hot, sticky mess.

We cleaned every inch of the floor, side-by-side, until I was satisfied. Proud of my work, I heaved myself up on my knees, letting Edward pull me to my feet.

"Can you take a break, please? Emmett is coming over soon, and I'd really like it if I didn't have to chase you around when I'm supposed to be setting up BC's room." He stuck out his bottom lip as he pulled me into his arms.

"Okay. My back hurts. Maybe it'd be a good idea to sit for a bit." I nipped at his lip.

Edward reached up, tangling his hand in my hair, and pulled me into a toe curling kiss. Just as things were starting to get interesting, a loud knock on the door forced us to stop. Panting, he rested his forehead against mine and sighed. "Remind me why it was a good idea to have him help me today?"

"No idea. These were your plans, not mine." I smiled, smacking his ass as he walked by me.

"Don't start something you can't finish." He turned and mock-glared at me.

"Who said anything about not finishing?" I asked, raising my brows. "The doc did say sex would help me go into labor."

"Oh, I know." A big grin spread across Edward's face, and he turned back around.

I went to the couch and sat down, propping my feet on the table in front of me as Edward let Emmett in. They started discussing the best way to set up the furniture, talking about logistics and whatnot. I tuned them out quickly, deciding I was going to leave the boys to it. If they ended up turning the crib or changing table into some kind of abstract art, I'd just call my dad.

"So, Bella, getting excited yet?" Emmett asked, leaning over the back of the couch.

"I'm excited to get this over with. I want to be past this whole birthing process and just get to the good stuff. Too bad we don't have a time machine." I chuckled.

Emmett snorted and shook his head. "You're a tough cookie. I know you'll do all right."

"Thanks for the confidence, Em."

Edward kissed me and led Emmett into the other room. I figured watching some television to pass the time wouldn't hurt, so I channel surfed for a bit and then settled into a show, making myself comfortable.

For the next hour, I listed to the boys curse and grumble every so often. It was hilarious. I tried to stay interested in my program, but I soon gave up. Listening to the bozos in the next room was far more entertaining, and I ended up laughing so hard I was crying.

I heaved myself up and plucked my camera off of a shelf, heading toward BC's room. I couldn't help myself. Pictures of Daddy and Uncle Em trying to wrestle with the baby furniture were too good to pass up. They'd look great in the baby book.

When I entered the room, I let out a loud guffaw. Edward's hair was sticking up in all directions, and he was spinning in a circle, trying to figure out which side the railing in his hand was supposed to attach to the frame. Emmett looked like he'd lost the battle with the glue by the way it was all over his clothes. Both men froze, turning their heads in my direction at the sound of my voice, and I snapped a quick picture.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to hold my giggles.

"Um, well…you see…" Emmett started to say.

Edward sighed. "This is too fucking hard. I'm calling Charlie."

Why he hadn't done it in the first place, I had no idea. But I kept my mouth shut; the poor man had just tried to tame furniture for the sake of our child and lost. I didn't think his pride would have liked me laughing again.

Dad came right over once Edward made the call, and the boys got right to work. In half the time it took them to make a mess, my dad had shown them how to put everything together, and Edward led me into the room as soon as it was finished.

I couldn't believe that it was BC's room. It looked exactly like I'd pictured it, the epitome of what a baby's room should look like. The crib was set on the far wall, and the changing table perpendicular to it. I pulled open the drawers on the dresser and found they'd even put up all the clothes we had for the baby. Tears came to my eyes; it was perfect.

"We can change this if you want. Just please don't cry." Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my temple.

I turned in his arms and pecked his lips. "Don't you dare. I love it. These are happy tears."

Edward caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm glad, but I still hate seeing you cry. How about we figure out something for dinner?"

I invited Emmett and Dad to stay, but they declined, saying they needed to get home to their wives. We saw them out and then went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. We worked side-by-side, sneaking kisses every so often. It'd been a while since we'd had a nice, quiet evening with no interruptions. It was heaven.

Once our bellies were full, we cuddled on the couch and watched a movie. About halfway through, our kisses had become heated, and Edward pulled me up, turning off the television. He led me into the bedroom and undressed me at a leisurely pace, covering every inch of skin he could with a well-placed peck or nip.

As we made love slowly, I tried to pour all of the love I felt for that man into my caresses. I couldn't imagine what I'd ever do without him. Edward had started to replace every bad memory with the times we'd shared together. While I'd never forget what had happened to me, those painful thoughts wouldn't be at the forefront of my mind anymore. Instead, it was Edward, our child, and the love we created that would consume my thoughts.

We found our releases quietly and in each other's arms, exactly how it should have been. Within minutes, we were falling asleep while cuddled against one another.

~.~.~.~

BC's due date came and went, and by the second week of July, I was officially overdue. James had come up with all kinds of crazy things for me to try and start labor. And I was so ready to not be pregnant, I decided trying a few couldn't hurt.

I'd covered every bite I ate in hot sauce for twenty-four hours straight, and all it accomplished was giving me one nasty case of heartburn. Edward, James, Alec, and I took walks, hoping it would do something, anything. But BC refused to budge. I started to wonder if I was going to have to threaten to ground him to get him out.

"I didn't want to bring this one up. But desperate times call for desperate measures, Indian princess." James rubbed his forehead, staring down at the kitchen table.

"C'mon, James. Just tell me already. I haven't seen my feet in months, my back hurts, and I have cankles. Cankles, James! I want my body back!" I whined, ready to cry.

"Okay, okay." James blew out a breath. "How do you feel about jumping railroad tracks?"

I stared, blinking my eyes. "What?"

"Jumping railroad tracks. I heard some middle-aged woman talking about it the other day when I was shopping for hot sauce. She was talking to this other woman, who, by the way, really needs a fashion intervention. I mean, day glo orange? No one but children's television characters should be caught dead in that col—"

I cut off James' rambling, "Please stop this crazy and lengthy tangent you're about to go on. I'm not in the mood, and we're talking about getting BC out of me. It'd be really, really great if you could focus."

James sighed. "Sorry, you're right. It just bugs me when someone wears that color. It's almost as bad as being subjected to polyester." He shuddered and glared at me.

"Hush. Don't bet on my kid." I glared right back.

"Fine, you win." James conceded defeat. "Anyway. I think if we go fast enough, and hit the tracks just right, we should be able to launch it enough to give you a good bounce. Hopefully, it'll be enough to break your water so we can sing happy birthday to our pretty princess sometime this century."

"No."

I jumped, turning around in my seat and noticing Edward leaning against the kitchen door frame. He had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Great. I'd been hoping he was occupied with something, but no, he'd heard us.

"There is no way in hell you're 'launching' my wife in that pink nightmare you call a car."

"But, cupcake, we have to do something! Baby Cullen can't stay in there forever! She can't be the only girl who can't wear her Prom dress because she's trapped inside her mother! I will not let her miss out on the most important event of her life! Well, that is, until she gets married."

"You are an idiot." Edward shook his head and walked toward me, pulling out the chair beside me and sitting down.

"Edward, I'm so damn uncomfortable. We have to do something. Anything. I can't take much more of this." I was not above begging at this point.

"Baby, Dr. Richardson said if you don't go into labor on your own by Friday, they're going to induce. It's just two days. Please be patient. I know this is hard on you, but do it for me." He stuck out his bottom lip and gave me the puppy dog eyes.

Edward did not play fair. He knew I couldn't say no to that face, which was probably why he used it in the first place. I huffed. "Fine!"

"You suck, Mr. Grumpy, ruiner of all that is fun. Baby Cullen would have loved jumping tracks. It would have been like a roller coaster ride for her. But nooooo." James leaned back in his chair, staring at Edward.

"He." Edward said in a tired voice, rubbing his temple.

"She." James glared. "I still say your doctor is a quack. Just look at Bella. Her stomach is high, which everyone knows means it's a girl. Don't you know anything?"

"I'm too tired for this." Edward shook his head. "I'm taking a nap before I have to head into Port Angeles with Charlie. Care to join me, baby?" He looked over at me.

"I guess." I shrugged my shoulders. "Might as well get some sleep, since I'll never have this baby."

Edward chuckled. "Nice try, Bella. But you're not going to guilt me into letting James go through with his scheme."

"You're carrying the next one. Let's see how patient you are when you're a week overdue." I stood and walked out of the room. I could hear Edward telling James to get out, and James mentioning to Edward that if he wasn't going to let me jump railroad tracks, then he needed to have sex with me. I snickered as I entered the bedroom, listening to Edward slam the door shut.

~.~.~.~

"I'm booooored!" James whined, flopping his head back against the couch. "There has to be something we can do. I'm going to shrivel up and die. And I'm too fabulous to wither away into nothing!"

I shifted on the couch, trying to ease the pain in my back. "Shut up. You're giving me a headache. Even if there was somewhere we could go, I wouldn't want to anyway."

"You and the sexy stud are perfect for each other. You both act like old married people who never do anything."

"Whatever. I hurt."

James had volunteered to stay with me while Dad and Edward made a trip into Port Angeles. They were on the hunt for a new jukebox. My dad was hands on when it came to any and all things related to that bar. Most of the items came second-hand through auctions and estate sales, but even the pieces that didn't look like much came out looking like new once the old man got his hands on it. He was a firm believer that new items were no better than used, and he'd never deviated from that belief. And since he was starting to take Edward under his wing, he was teaching my husband the ropes.

I knew, eventually, I was going to have to give up my job. Raising a child and tending bar didn't mix because of the hours I'd have to keep. And I was becoming more and more open to the idea. I wanted to be there for my son, just like my mother had been for Jake and me. There were many times we'd have to go to work with her, because she ran the diner, but she still made time for us. I wanted to teach BC how to cook on those big stoves, how to treat customers, and watch him sit in a booth and try to sneak in reading a comic when he was supposed to be doing homework.

James continued to babble on and on about how bored he was. I tuned him out, unwilling to give him more reasons to complain. I missed Edward. That evening was his last shift at Downstairs for the next two weeks. Dad had decided he'd put in his time, wanting to make sure my husband would be there when I went into labor. The afternoon we were supposed to have had been cut short when Dad called and asked Edward to come with him. I was a good wife and told Edward I'd be fine, but I didn't want to be. I wanted that afternoon with my husband, damn it.

"We should go bug Alec and Leah. Maybe they can think of something to entertain me." James said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Ugh. I don't want to move. My back is killing me." My complaint was punctuated with a sharp pain spreading across my lower back, making me moan loudly.

"You really are in pain, aren't you?" James nudged me to turn and then began rubbing my sore spots.

"Mmmmm." I groaned, tilting my head back. "That is helping. Keep doing it."

"What about this?" he asked, rubbing lower.

"Ungh." James' hands worked me like magic, and I briefly wondered where he learned how to do that. Then I remembered who I was thinking about and shut those thoughts off quickly. That story probably involved things and situations I did not want to know about, and for my own sanity, it was probably a good idea to just keep my mouth shut.

My back began to ease up a bit after a few more minutes. "Thanks, James. I feel so much better."

He took his hands away and smiled. "You're welcome."

I leaned back into the couch and relaxed, thankful the worst of it was over.

Two hours later, I realized I had spoken too soon. The back aches had gradually turned into cramps and sitting down wasn't comfortable anymore. I didn't know what was going on, so I had James call Edward, thinking it wouldn't be a bad idea to get checked out. But Edward wasn't picking up his phone. And Dad wasn't either when James tried. Nor Mom, Rose, or Emmett.

I wanted to cry. As the pain became worse and worse, I had a sinking suspicion I was going into labor. After all of the hovering everyone, especially my husband, had been doing, of course no one was going to be around when I had this baby. It was just my luck.

"Call him again!" I panted through another contraction, completing my circuit from the kitchen to the living room for the fifth time that night.

"Bella, I'm trying. He's not answering. I'm calling Alec. If anyone can find that gorgeous husband of yours, it's him."

"Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuck…fuck!" I screamed, starting to panic.

"It's okay, Bella. Just breathe. That's it." James coached me, breathing in and out with me as I calmed down.

He led me to the couch and helped me sit down. "Maybe I should start boiling water and ripping some bed sheets or something. That's how they deliver babies in the movies." James had a serious look on his face.

"James," I said slowly. "Just take me to the hospital."

He had a far off look in his eyes. I snapped my fingers, bringing him back to the present. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Right. Hosptial. That's a much better place for Baby Cullen to be born."

"Just call Alec. Maybe he can drive us. I need you right now, James. I can't do this by myself." I pleaded with my eyes for him to be serious, just this once.

He reached over and squeezed my hand. "Okay, okay. Auntie James is here. It's up to me now to make sure this pretty girl comes into this world. But I wish I would have had time to get some birthday decorations. That would have made everything perfect." I tried not to roll my eyes at the wistful look in James' eye as he dialed.

"Hey, my beautiful cabana boy," James said into the phone. "Listen…no. Um, I know. Uh…no, it's not about that. No. Alec, just listen…shut up. I'm not calling to bother you at work. Bella is in labor!"

Moments later, the sound of thundering steps echoed in the hallway and then there was loud knocking at the door. James rushed over to open it, and Alec stormed through. He had a wild look in his eye as he scanned the room. He relaxed once he saw me and turned to James.

"I thought you said she's in labor. She looks fine to me. You know, it's not nice to lie about things lik—" Alec started scolding James but stopped when I moaned and bent over at the waist.

Alec rushed over and knelt in front of me, holding my hands. I squeezed them as I tried to remember the breathing exercises Edward and I learned at the Lamaze classes we'd attended a couple of months before. It was no use. I couldn't focus, because I was scared. This was not how it was supposed to go. Edward was supposed to be the one holding my hand, not Alec.

"Where's Edward anyway?" Alec asked, turning his head toward James as he kept hold of me, wincing every so often when my grip had become too tight.

"He's with Charlie. Gah. Does anyone turn on their phone anymore?" James huffed as he tossed his phone on the coffee table. "I mean, hello? Why have one if you're not going to answer it?"

"They're probably out of the service area or somewhere where they have to keep their phones off. Just calm down, sweet pea. It'll be all right. Did you call the doctor yet?" Alec tried to soothe James' rant.

"Oh, how could I have forgotten that? You're always supposed to call the doctor!" James ran toward the couch and then stopped, looking at me. "Um, I don't have the number…"

"My phone, in the bedroom. It's under Dr. Richardson." I panted, another contraction hitting me.

Alec rubbed my arms and started talking about random topics. I could tell he was doing it to distract me, and I appreciated it. The even cadence of his voice helped me to relax slowly.

"Hi, yes. I'm calling on behalf of Bella Cullen. She's in labor and…yes, seven minutes…oh, so we need to wait until she's having them every five? Okay, thank you so much." James ended the call and sat beside me. "Sweetie, we can't go to the hospital just yet. The nurse said we have to wait until your contractions are five minutes apart. She said you should lay down until it's time to go."

"How did you…how did you know how far apart my contractions were?" I asked, shocked that James' had been timing them.

James turned a little red in the face, which was unusual for him. A weak chuckle escaped me. "Um, well…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought it might be a good idea if I did that when I started massaging your back. And I'm so glad I did."

I shook my head at him. "You should have said something."

James scoffed. "Yeah, and then you would have been freaking out worse."

"You're probably right." I sighed, conceding. "Can someone help me go pee before I lay down? My bladder feels like it's going to burst."

"Sure." James helped me up and wrapped his arm around my waist, guiding me toward the bathroom. Halfway there, something warm and wet trickled down my legs. I started to cry, realizing I'd just pissed myself.

"Oh, no," James whispered, looking down at the puddle on the wood floor.

I began to cry harder. "Thanks for pointing out the fact I just pissed myself! Way to be a friend."

He turned and looked at me. "No, honey, your water just broke. I think it's time to go to the hospital. Now."

"Shit!" Alec tugged at his hair, standing up quickly. "I'll be right back. I need to see if Leah wants to stay, or if I'm going to go with you guys." He rushed out of the apartment.

"C'mon. Let's get you out of these wet clothes," James said in a gentle tone, holding onto me and leading me toward my bedroom. I nodded my head, following him.

He helped me change and then laid me down on the couch, sitting on the floor in front of me while we waited for Alec, or Leah, to get back. A few minutes passed, and then Alec came through the door. He said Leah would take care of the bar and let everyone know where we were when they got back. I sighed and let them know it was fine, because…what else could I do?

James sat with me in the back seat, holding my hand and breathing with me through my contractions. They were getting stronger, and it was hard for me to concentrate. Before I knew it, we'd pulled up to the emergency room doors. James hopped out and started yelling about wheelchairs and pregnant women. It was hard for me keep up with his ranting as he entered the ER.

James came running out, pushing a wheelchair. There was a nurse behind him, and she was rolling her eyes at him. As they helped me out of the car and into the chair, I heard Alec say he was going to park, and he'd see me inside. All I could do was nod.

Since I'd done as the doctor suggested and pre-registered, I was taken straight to the labor and delivery floor. The nurse shooed James out and then helped me change into a gown and get into bed. Before she let me pull the covers up, she instructed me to lay down with my legs bent and open. I cringed as she explained she needed to check to see how far I was dilated and winced as her gloved fingers entered me.

"Looks like you're about two centimeters. And your water has broke, correct?" she asked, smiling at me.

"Yes."

"Okay, do you want us to call the doctor to see about pain medication? It looks like you're going to be in labor for a while. Or are you going to have a natural birth?" She removed her glove and tossed it into the trash.

"I need all the pain medication," I said as another contraction tugged at my back.

She chuckled. "I'll see what I can do. Do you want me to get your friend?"

"Please." I panted, pulling the covers over me.

"All right. I'll send him right in." She walked out of the room, cracking the door behind her.

"How are you? Do you need anything? I can get you some water. Or another pillow. Or a blanket. Damn it. I should have brought yours. You would be so much more comfortable if you had your own stuff from home. Do you want me to go get it, because I will…?" James started to babble as soon as he entered the room.

"Calm down, baby cakes. Take a deep breath." Alec rubbed James shoulder. James let out a huge breath and smiled sheepishly at me.

"Sorry. I'm just so excited." He clapped his hands.

I tried to remember through the pain that James didn't mean any harm. He just acted like a toddler on a sugar high most of the time. I nodded at him, not trusting myself to keep from taking my pain and frustration out on him.

Thankfully, the nurse came back after bit and said Dr. Kate had approved an epidural. We'd discussed different pain relieving options, and at the time, we'd agreed that I would be interested when the time came. I fucking loved Dr. Kate in that moment.

The boys were kicked out of the room once again when the anesthesiologist entered the room. He was followed in by my nurse, who I'd learned was named Victoria, and another female nurse. I was asked to sit up on the edge of the bed and bend over. It hurt, but I did as I was told, wincing as the pain spread through my back.

Both women grabbed a hold of me and held me in that position, telling me I had to be as still as possible. I never saw the needle, but I felt it as a cold, intense pressure hit my spine. I cried out in shock and agony, wanting it to stop. The nurses held tighter, trying to soothe me with their words, but it wasn't working.

Just as I was about to scream at the doctor as he fiddled with something on my back, a calming numbness spread throughout my lower half. I sighed in relief, starting to feel a little woozy. It was awesome.

"Now, Mrs. Cullen, we're going to keep the catheter for the epidural attached until it's closer to time. You need to be able to feel the contractions so you'll know when to push. But we're a long ways away from then, so try to get some sleep. You have a long night ahead of you." The anesthesiologist smiled, making some notes in a chart.

"Thank you." My words came out in a slur.

He laughed. "Get some rest. Your doctor should be in soon." And with that, the room cleared out.

"Hey!" I yelled when James and Alec came into the room once more.

"How are you feeling?" Alec asked with a worried look on his face.

"I am awesome. I can't feel my legs," I said as I poked the skin on my thighs.

James patted my hand. "That's great, Bella. You want me to turn on the television?"

I closed my eyes. "I don't care."

I could feel myself drifting, and I fell asleep, welcoming it.

~.~.~.~

I was pulled from a deep sleep by the sound of voices. The room was blurry as I opened my eyes. I rubbed them and saw Edward sitting next to Alec, with James on the other side of my bed, deep in conversation. I shifted a bit, causing all eyes to snap toward me.

"Bella?" Edward asked, sliding out of his chair and kneeling beside me. "I'm so, so sorry I wasn't there. I never should have left you."

I reached out and patted his head, distracted by the movement. He chuckled, bringing me back to the present. "It's okay. I'm fine."

He grabbed my hand, kissing the knuckles. "I was so worried when I got back, and Leah said you'd gone into labor."

"Oh, Edward. You worry too much. I'm fine. BC is fine. And everything is right in the world."

"How many pain meds did they give you?" Edward looked at me, raising his brows.

I giggled. "I have no idea, but if this is what labor is like, we can have ten kids. I feel amazing."

He shook his head and smiled. "We'll talk about how many we're going to have after you have this baby. I have a feeling you might be changing your mind later on."

"Whatever. Oh, hey!" I whipped my head around, looking at James. "I still can't feel my legs!"

"Why oh why did I forget the camcorder. This would have been perfect blackmail material." James grinned, shaking his head.

"No talking about blackmailing my high, pregnant wife. You know I'll never allow it anyway." Edward stood up, brushing the hair off of my forehead.

"You are no fun, grumpy pants. Well, we'll leave you to it. I need to go buy birthday supplies. Don't wait too long to push out that gorgeous girl, and we'll see you later. C'mon, Alec." James stood and sent me air kisses. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Boy. I'm having a son." Edward corrected him, and James rolled his eyes.

Alec waved at me. "We'll see you later, doll." And they left the room.

~.~.~.~

"I can't do this!" I cried out. "I need another fucking epidural."

"I'm sorry, Bella, but we can't. It's almost time to push. You've reached ten centimeters." Dr. Kate grimaced as she began putting on some gloves.

"This is so fucking unfair. Edward, do something! Make them give it to me!" My back arched as another contraction tore through my stomach, causing me to scream.

"I can't, baby. I'm sorry." Edward squeezed my hand.

"It's going to be okay, baby girl. You can do this." Mom cooed on my other side. She and Dad had made it to the hospital right before I was fully dilated. She'd had enough time to put a gown on, as Edward had, before the doctors and nurses were instructing them to stand on either side of me.

"I'm never doing this again. Do you hear me? You're also cut off. You and your stupid super sperm will not be getting anywhere near me. Ahhhhhhhhh!" My eyes closed. The contractions were coming every thirty seconds, and it felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. I couldn't focus on anything for more than a few seconds; it felt like I was being stabbed simultaneously by a dozen white-hot pokers in my abdomen.

"Shhhh. Just breathe." Mom pushed my sweaty hair out of my face.

"Now, sit up and bring your knees toward your chest." I tried to comply with the doctor's command, but I was having trouble. Mom and Edward saw this and helped me, helping to hold my legs in a bent position. I watched as the end of the bed was broken down and removed, leaving a set of stirrups and nothing else in its place.

I felt like I was dying as Edward and Mom grabbed each hand in their other, unoccupied, ones.

Dr. Kate raised the bed up high and then sat down on a stool between my legs. "On the next contraction, I want you to bear down, okay, Bella?"

Before I could answer, it hit. I pushed down as hard as I could, squeezing their hands. I panted through it, noticing the release I felt with the action.

"Good job, Bella. You're doing so well," Mom said, releasing my hand and stroking my hair.

"Okay, again," Dr. Kate said, bending down closer to me.

"I love you so much, Bella," Edward said as I began the next one. "You can do this."

The next hour was filled with pushing, screaming, words of encouragement, and pain. When it was all over, I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face as Dr. Richardson held up my son to see for the very first time. He was covered in white gunk, red, and screaming. I'd never seen a more beautiful sight.

Edward cut the cord without question when he was asked and never took his eyes off of our son as they check him out. He was wrapped in a large, white blanket when the nurses were finished and placed in my arms. I pulled him to my chest and smiled through my tears, knowing I'd never love anyone as much as I did that tiny creature lying in my arms.

"Hi, little guy. I'm your momma. And this guy over here is your daddy. We've been waiting for a long time to meet you." My son's eyes never left mine as I looked down at him. "And that lady over there is your grandma."

I turned my head toward my mother when I heard a small sob. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes. "He's so beautiful."

Her words made me feel like I'd done something right. I'd always wanted my mother to be proud of me. It felt great to know I'd finally done it. Mom patted my shoulder and told me she was going to let everyone know he was finally here, giving us some privacy. I thanked her, and she closed the door as she left the room.

The feeling of Edward's hand on my shoulder grabbed my attention. He leaned into me as I brought my face toward his, kissing my temple. "He's amazing. Just like I knew he would be."

"Do you want to hold him?" I asked, my voice soft.

He reached toward me, taking the baby in his arms and held our baby close to him. "What are we going to name this little guy, Bella?"

"What about Jacob Charles? Or even Jacob Edward?" I asked, biting my lip. "I think he should have a piece of his uncle, don't you think?"

Edward wrinkled his nose. "Don't do that to our kid. Edward is such an old-fashioned name, and the nickname Eddie is so annoying. I think Jacob Charles is a better choice."

"Okay," I said, leaning toward little Jacob. "Jacob Charles it is."


	31. Jacob's Haze

**Disclaimer: **We do not claim ownership for Twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer gets that privilege. However, we do have to take responsibility for the creation of the diva's personality. All bail money we'll need for his crazy self can be sent to us directly.

**A/N:** Well, folks. We finally reached the end. "About time," we can hear you say - and you're right. But if you're still out there reading, thank you. We hope you've enjoyed the journey. We've had the most amazing time writing this story, and a lot of our fun probably never even made it into the chapters. Oops. LOL Anyway, thank you for your patience, and for your reviews, alerts, and comments. Thank you also to the wonderful people, who have helped us along the way - Heather, Sherry, Lashawn, and Christine. You've been amazing.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 31 <strong>

**Jacob's Haze**

Bella fell asleep around dawn after breastfeeding our son for the first time. Right until the moment sleep claimed her, she had stubbornly insisted that she wasn't tired and didn't need any rest – no doubt because she was suffering from the same syndrome I was. It involved staring at the most perfect little boy in the world and…well, nothing else really. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Whenever I did manage to do it for a moment, I looked at Bella. She'd been through the ringer, but she had never looked more beautiful to me. Being a mother suited her. I was entirely unprepared for the intense love I felt for the two people sleeping next to me. I had thought I'd already been maxed out on my capacity to love – had thought it overwhelming what I'd felt for Bella before. Apparently there was no limit on love, though.

I looked back at my son. BC. No, Jacob Charles. Jake. Yes, he was Jake. And he was true perfection. Ten little toes and ten little fingers – a fistful curled around my finger as he slept peacefully. Round little cheeks, a tiny button nose. The smallest ears I'd ever seen under his little, blue hat. Fucking hell. Bella and I had made him! And he'd fought his way through a microscopic hole in a condom. How awesome could one little guy possibly be? I'd already taken about fifteen pictures with my phone and a few…okay, more than a few…maybe like fifty with my camera. And a video of him crying, which he really had down like a pro. My kid was fucking smart.

Jake opened his eyes as I sat contemplating with my back against the headboard next to a sleeping Bella. The adrenaline was still running high in my body, and I wasn't the least bit tired although I'd been up all night. I couldn't stop the smile on my face as I watched his dark, blue eyes open fully.

"Hey, little buddy. Did you have a good nap, huh?" I whispered.

His little fist tightened around my finger, which was halfway asleep after being in the same position for so long, but there was no way I was going to move unless someone made me.

"Momma and Daddy are so happy that you finally came out," I told him, still whispering so I wouldn't wake Bella. "We've been looking so much forward to meeting you. The whole family has, actually. They already love you, and I promise you that you're going to love them, too."

I caressed his little fingers with my own and bent down to press a kiss against his forehead. His mouth opened in a tiny O, and I didn't know if he was yawning or about to cry. "Ssshh, please don't cry. Momma's sleeping. You kinda gave her hell earlier, which I know she's already forgiven you for, so don't worry. She's amazing, you know – your momma. We're damn—um, I mean very lucky to have her. And don't listen to Daddy when he swears, okay?"

Jake wiggled his little feet, and I took that as a "Yes, Daddy." Damn smart kid.

A little further into our first father-son conversation, he started crying. Bella woke up immediately and glared at me like I'd caused it.

"I didn't do anything!" I said, letting her take him from my arms. "We were just talking."

The glare faded away. "Sorry," she said, sheepishly. "I think I've officially become mama bear."

"Well, obviously that makes me papa bear, although don't mention that analogy to your dad. He'd just shoot us."

She laughed, and the sound made Jake quiet down. I didn't blame him – I loved the sound of Bella's laughter, too.

"So what were you two talking about?" she asked, cuddling the baby, who had obviously forgotten all about crying.

"Oh, you know. Guns and girls and booze. Boy stuff," I replied.

That made her laugh again. "Listen to your daddy when he talks about _boy stuff_, okay? We need someone to counter your Auntie James' makeup lessons or whatever."

"No fucking way is the damn diva giving my son makeup lessons!" I stated.

"Watch your language in front of Jake."

"He doesn't understand what I'm saying yet."

Bella gave me that smug look that meant she had me. "But you said that you were talking before I woke up."

_Well, crap. _

The family descended after breakfast. As much as I'd enjoyed our own little bubble with just the three of us, I couldn't wait to show off the little piece of perfection Bella and I had created. To hell with whatever I'd accomplished so far in my life – none of it was even a blip on the radar compared to little Jake.

It was hard to tell who blubbered more – Sue or Charlie. Not that I could deny having shed a few tears myself, but dads were allowed, right? While Charlie was holding Jake and Sue was busy instructing him how to do it as if he'd never held a baby before, Bella grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry your family isn't here."

"My family _is_ here," I replied. The truth was that I hadn't given my parents any thought since joining the parent ranks myself. And when I finally did, I realized two things. One, I didn't miss them because looking at Sue and Charlie, I knew that Jake would never miss an extra set of grandparents. And two, if they ever showed up again, I was going to take a different approach than I had so far. There would be no more letting Bella, Sue, Charlie, or James fight my battles for me. I'd make it clear in no uncertain terms that they weren't welcome in my life until they realized how things looked from my side of the fence. There was no room in my son's life for people who didn't understand the importance of family.

Bella squeezed my hand. I knew she understood.

"I don't care what anyone says. This little guy is the cutest baby in the world," Charlie declared.

Sue nodded. "Like there was ever any doubt."

I watched Charlie blink furiously before he cleared his throat. "And calling him Jacob Charles…well, that's just…that's just kinda perfect."

The moment was ruined by a knock on the door. Alec stuck his head in. "Sorry, guys. I can't hold him back much longer."

I snorted, and Bella shook with silent laughter as she fell back against the pillows.

"Oh lord," Charlie muttered and looked down at Jake, who was still nestled in his arms. "Please don't hold it against us that we're making you put up with crazy personified, little buddy. It was your grandma who told me to hire him."

"Come on in, guys," Bella said. She looked at me and shrugged. "We might as well get it over with."

She was probably right. I had no idea how James was going to react when he saw Jake after being so stubborn about us having a girl despite seeing evidence against it.

"Congratulations, Mommy and Daddy! Where's my little princess?" It was James' voice, but all I saw was about a dozen pink balloons and a three foot stuffed teddy bear wearing a sparkling, pink tutu.

"He's a prince," Charlie replied gruffly. "And if you ever put my grandson in a dress, I'll bury your body where no one will ever find it."

The balloons drifted to the ceiling, and James appeared, looking around wildly. "What? But… Let me see! Clearly the doctors around here don't know what they're doing. Calling Auntie James' little princess a nasty boy…it's a scandal!"

"James Lawrence, that's enough!" Sue declared in her no-nonsense voice reserved for very special circumstances.

"Yes, Mama Swan," James replied, wide-eyed. "But soldier boy did it wrong!"

"Dude, there's nothing wrong with my son or how I did anything," I said.

"But your sperm is wrong or something…oooooh! Look at that cute, little baby. Come to Auntie James, little one."

A clearly amused Charlie let James, who had now moved onto baby talk, hold Jake. I'd never seen the diva treat anyone or anything with so much care and awe.

Alec came over with a big bouquet of white roses for Bella. Then he turned to me. "I would have gotten you cigars, but James insisted that you probably would have smoked them and gotten lung cancer…yeah…um, so here."

"Thanks," I said, accepting the wrapped box he offered me. Inside I found chocolate cigars. I snorted. At least I wouldn't choke like I had the first time I'd tried smoking a cigar. I'd been thirteen, and Jasper had stolen two of his dad's expensive cigars so we could act all cool and stuff behind the bike shed at school. It had been a disaster, and my only salvation had been that Jasper had gotten sicker than I had.

After more visits from everyone, more naps for Bella and Jake, and a lot more staring from me, the doctors decided that there was no reason to keep my wife and son over night, so they were released. Bringing Jake home was both exciting and scary. We were one hundred percent responsible for his wellbeing and happiness, and while I'd been responsible for people before, they'd been adults able to think for themselves. Jake was so little and vulnerable and innocent and—

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked from the backseat on the drive home. "Your forehead is all wrinkled."

I looked at her in the review mirror and smiled. "Minor freak out. Nothing serious."

"Stop it. You'll be an awesome dad, and I'll be an awesome mom. You know why? Because this little guy deserves nothing less. End of story."

"Beautiful and smart. I definitely married up," I teased, although grateful for the little pep talk. And she was right. With an awesome little son you could only be inspired to be as awesome as he deserved.

"And don't you forget it."

I'd read Bella's books. I'd heard all the well-meant advice. I knew what I could expect. But it still surprised me how completely Jacob Charles Cullen managed to turn life on its head. It was amazing how someone so small could make me want to cry ten times a day. And goddamn, he was a loud one himself. Especially in the middle of the night. The first couple of times I'd jerked awake, thinking for a few moments that I was back in Afghanistan and hearing the air alarm because we were under attack. When I'd foolishly told Bella that our son reminded me of an air alarm, she'd started crying, too. We were just one big, emotional mess. And I loved it. Being a dad was the best thing ever – equaled only by being a husband. Who needed other titles than those two?

James had forgotten all about how adamant he'd been that BC was a girl. He now claimed that he'd always said that we'd be having a boy, and even Alec had had to take second place to _Auntie James' little angel boy_. At least until it was time for a diaper change. Then James happily handed Jake over and made Alec his first priority again.

Everyone stopped by to meet the eighth wonder of the world. Jessica took one look at Jake and decided that she wanted one, too. Mike looked like he might shit himself at the thought, which Emmett gave him hell about. Rose and James started arguing about who got to babysit first. Sue fussed. Charlie boasted that he had the smartest grandson in the world. And one particular evening, Jake exercised his lungs to a point where I wanted to pull out my hair and Bella was convinced that she was the worst mom in the world because nothing could get him to stop crying. Surprisingly it was Alec, who finally made him settle down. He simply sang him a song.

Lesson learned.

Jake was a week old the first time I ventured farther away from home than the grocery store. How the hell grown men and women got so addicted to their kids baffled me to no end, but it was definitely true. Sue and Charlie had given me a few weeks off, and I was already dreading going back to work. The whole parent gig really made you into an emotional basket case. One little wail from Jake, and I was sure that he was either choking, someone was kidnapping him, or the diva was putting him in a dress. With frills.

I had to go to Port Angeles, though. Charlie needed some stuff picked up for the bar, but he had the flu. That meant I had to step up for an afternoon and that Sue had to deal with both the diner and an antsy grandfather, who couldn't see his new grandson until he got better. While I felt sorry for myself for missing out on an entire afternoon with Bella and Jake, then I knew Sue had it worse.

James was coming with me so I could introduce him to the people he needed to know to make the next trips to Port Angeles until I was back at work and Charlie was back on his feet. There were a lot of trips happening for reasons only Charlie knew. I just did as I was told.

Fortunately for me, James and Alec were still not past the honeymoon phase of their relationship, so while I drove, James texted Alec like a teenage girl. That meant he was blissfully quiet most of the time, and I even had full control over the radio.

"Does it hurt to get a tattoo?" he asked as we neared Port Angeles. "Like really hurt?"

"It depends," I replied. "Normally it just stings after a few minutes, but if you're getting a big piece that takes a long time, it might start to hurt the longer you're in the chair. It also depends where on your body you're getting it."

"A smallish one – three words on my chest. Would that hurt a lot?"

"I don't think so. Why? You getting inked?"

"Yep," he answered. "Well, unless it hurts too much. Then I'm just using a permanent marker every time I've showered."

I laughed, not doubting that he actually would. "What would the three words be? Viva La Diva?"

"No, although that would be awesome, too. I'd get 'Property of Alec' tattooed over my heart."

"That's actually sweet," I said. I'd willingly get "property of Bella" tattooed across my forehead if I didn't know she'd kill me for it.

"Of course it's sweet, doll face. And it's true, too," James stated. "Will you hold my hand if I get it done? I'd ask Alec, but I want the tattoo to be a surprise."

"Sure." He'd forget all about holding anyone's hand when he realized that there would probably be half-dressed men in the shop. "I'm getting one done soon. I want Jake's birth date tattooed somewhere. Want me to make you an appointment? The guy who did my headdress is really good."

"Yes, please, mister handsome personal secretary," he replied, blowing me a kiss as we turned into the parking lot where we were picking up some stuff. "Make it soon."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, sir."

When we'd talked to the people and picked up what we needed, I raced back to Forks. I missed Jake like I hadn't seen him for years. James argued that he missed him more because Bella and I hogged him all the time, and he wasn't impressed when I pointed out that we were entitled to hog him all we wanted since we were the parents. Unable to come up with any good arguments, James continued to claim that he also missed Alec more than I did. I just rolled my eyes and promised to put down in my calendar that, for once, he was right.

Bella was highly amused when I came home and refused to put Jake down for almost an hour. I let her be as amused as she wanted because I knew that sooner or later the day would come where she would have to leave Jake for hours at a time, too. Then she'd understand.

"You missed Daddy, too, didn't you, little buddy?" I asked Jake, who flailed his little arms in confirmation.

Bella was exhausted after trying to fit her sleeping pattern to Jake's. I talked her into taking a nap while Jake and I cooked dinner. My little man was going to learn how to make a mean Spaghetti Bolognaise.

A few days later I willingly made the trip to Port Angeles again. Of course, it helped knowing that if I'd stayed home, I would have been forced to endure some sort of girl bonding time or whatever. I'd argued that Jake shouldn't have to suffer through it either, but like in a lot of other arguments, Bella had two votes, and I had one. So Jake was staying home while Leah, Rose, and Jessica came over for whatever women did when they were together. Maybe Jake would tell me.

That meant ink time for me. James was riding shot gun while practicing breathing exercises that would make any Lamaze coach proud in preparation for the pain ahead.

"You realize that I'll be tougher than the Indian princess mama, right?" he asked me.

I chuckled. "When it comes to tattoos, yes, but when it comes to pain, none of us even come close."

"She had drugs!"

"Drugs my ass. She gave birth. A tattoo is just a stupid, little needle."

He pouted. "I'm still tough."

"Yes, you are. Once you've actually gone through with it."

"Bah. I'm one fierce bitch."

I suppressed a snort and rolled my eyes. If he really went through with it – and I still had my doubts – he'd be milking it for weeks. Poor Alec would become his personal slave if he wasn't careful.

"I've changed my mind," James announced as I was parking the car.

"Come on, man. It doesn't hurt that much."

"No, no. Not about that. I've changed my mind about where I want it. I figure there's something Alec would rather have than my heart."

I winced. "Dude. That _is_ going to hurt."

"Please, lamb chop. Like I'd allow anyone near my disco stick with a needle. I'm talking about my ass!"

"You're getting 'Property of Alec' tattooed on your ass?" I asked.

"Yup!"

"Okay then." Who was I to judge? Laugh, maybe. Judge, no.

I did, however, want to smack him when he went into the tattoo parlor singing, "Where's the lucky guy who's gonna draw on my ass?"

Fifteen minutes later he wasn't so coy. "It huuuuuurts! Save me from the big, bad needle, soldier daddy!"

"Dude, he hasn't even started yet," I informed him.

"Oh."

"Are you sure you want this?" Marty asked. I could tell that the diva amused him, but you had to know James to see past his diva act and determine if he was serious or not.

"Damn right, hunky needle boy. Decorate my ass!"

At this point everyone in the shop was laughing, and James was lapping up the attention.

Marty did his thing, James wailed, threatened, and begged, and I snapped photos with my cell phone on James' request. Apparently he was going to make a scrap album. When the tattoo was done, he admired himself in the mirror for a while before realizing that sitting down was going to be difficult for a while. Clearly he hadn't considered that tiny detail beforehand.

When it was my turn, Marty showed me what he had done with the image I'd sent and what I'd told him over the phone when I had made the appointment. Once again, the guy turned out to be a mind reader, as he'd drawn exactly what I'd been picturing in my head.

"Perfect," I told him.

I had asked him to make some modifications to my family's crest. Not just because I felt I was different from my parents and sister, but mostly because I wanted it to represent _my_ family. The lion in the centre stayed because strength was necessary in life, and I'd met few people stronger than Bella. Next to the hand that symbolized loyalty, I'd had Marty draw a swan for obvious reasons. And at the bottom, the trefoil had been altered so there were now two clovers and a heart as my love for my family was forever. Above the crest that was on the left side of my chest, I had Marty tattoo my wedding date, and underneath it Jake's birth date. Marty commented that there was plenty of room for more dates underneath it, and while I very aware of that, I still decided not to mention it to Bella just yet. There was every chance that she'd hurt me.

Marty wasn't a big talker while he worked, and James was busy examining some biker dude's many tattoos, so I could let my thoughts drift. I'd wear the tattoo proudly as a badge proving my love for my family. My real family. More than ever I wondered how my parents could act the way they did. I couldn't think of anything that could make me turn my back on the perfect little boy waiting for me at home. Not a single thing. And I never wanted people like that in his life. If they never realized how they'd hurt me or what they were missing out on by not bothering to accept me as I was and get to know Bella and Jake, then I'd do everything to keep them as far away from my son as possible.

While I didn't miss any Cullens in Jake's life, I did wish he could have met his namesake. My best friend would have been the most amazing uncle in the world, and as soon as my son was old enough, I'd be telling him all about the uncle he'd never meet.

"No tears, cupcake?" James asked, stirring me from my thoughts. "You're so tough and manly."

I smiled. "It doesn't hurt."

"Bah. Of course it hurts. I was just in that chair, so I should know."

"You're a wimp."

"Wimp shrimp. You're a big, fat liar. Now sit still so I can take some pictures of your pretty chest to go in my tattoo album. Little Ricky over there let me photograph him, too," he said, gesturing to the gigantic biker dude he'd been talking to before.

Soon we were ready to leave, and I smiled the entire way home. It had been a really good morning, and I could have kissed Marty when I'd seen the finished tattoo on my chest. It was perfect. The squirming diva in the backseat had mostly behaved, and now I was going home to my pretty wife and awesome little son. With a little luck, Charlie was feeling so much better that he'd be stopping by and I could share my pictures of the wimpy diva with him. He'd appreciate a good laugh.

"When is this thing going to heal?" James asked, sounding a bit muffled as his face was buried in the seat. He was lying on his stomach, not willing to risk anything that could cause pain or mess up his new body art. He'd even considered taking off his pants, but I'd made it clear that he wasn't getting into my car with his bare ass on display. So he'd chosen the pants over walking home.

Back home, my tattoo was a hit. Bella peeked under the bandage and looked at the picture I'd taken with my phone.

"I need one of those, too."

I chuckled and took Jake from her. "Because that went so well last time."

"Shut up. I'm serious. Or, well, semi-serious. I love the design. Maybe I need to learn how to draw or paint so I could copy it on canvas. I don't know, but it's amazing, Edward. I really love it."

Jake loved it, too, apparently, because he smacked it with all his might, which, admittedly, wasn't much, but it still smarted.

"Would it be wrong to hope that Jake smacks James' ass?" I wondered out loud.

Bella looked confused. "What?"

"Oh, that's right. I haven't told you yet." I snickered and fished my cell phone back up from my pocket. "Put on some sunglasses and go through the photo gallery."

She took the phone. "Why would I need sunglass—whoa! Give a girl some warning, please. That's one image I'll never be able to erase from my mind. Ugh."

"Give it an hour – max. – and he'll be over here flashing you."

"We're never unlocking the front door again," she decided.

"Works for me." I smiled. I had everything I needed right here in our apartment anyway.

After a night where Jake preferred screaming over sleeping, we bleary-eyed made our way to La Push the following morning. It was a big day – the diner and bar were both closed, and Sue had tried to prepare me for what would happen. Apparently the Quileute tribe had some sort of baptism ritual that Uncle Harry wanted to perform on Jake. Sue had said that the original ritual involved the baby being wrapped in wolf skin and then some chanting. But Harry had twisted it some over the years, and no one actually knew what he had planned. That scared me a little, but even if he'd been soaking in firewater again, I knew that unless he tried to drown Jake in firewater or make him drink it, things would probably be okay. No one else seemed worried at least.

Jake would also be meeting his great-grandfather for the first time. Billy had been bedridden with the flu like Charlie, but had taken longer to recover, so he hadn't seen Jake yet. Everyone else – everyone we called family or friends in Forks – was there, too. We were in some kind of great hall or something on the reservation that was decorated with tribal imagery on the walls and carved poles on each side of the room. To one side Sue had set a very festive table, and on the other side there was a table filled with presents.

The ceremony itself began, and I was actually glad that Alec was recording the whole thing with Bob, as I would probably need to see it again to believe it. I had a great respect for all cultures, and I was eager to integrate Jake's Native American heritage in his life, but weird things were just weird.

Jake was wrapped in wolf fur. That part wasn't so strange. Then Uncle Harry started chanting something that sounded like an old Beach Boys song while he did some kind of rain dance around Sue, who was holding Jake. Next Harry summoned The Great Wolf with a new chant and produced his firewater mug. He poured firewater into a cup and dipped Jake's feet in it.

"That will keep him safe from the bloodsuckers," he informed us.

Then the rain dance thing started again, and this time Leah and Seth joined him. Not one to be left out, James started square dancing. Pretty soon everyone was dancing, and the chant drowned in music from the radio that Leah had brought.

I looked at Bella, who just shrugged. "I never claimed to have a normal family. Wanna dance?"

I laughed disbelieving and looked around. Everyone was laughing and smiling. Jake was sharing his first dance with his adoring grandmother. There were as many different dances as there were people, and I realized that it wasn't about some ritual or ceremony. It was about family and love. Jake might not have been officially initiated in the Quileute tribe or whatever that had been about, but he was part of an amazing family that danced at ten in the morning and loved him no matter what.

"Yes, let's dance," I told Bella as Mike moon-walked past us.

Late that night, Bella and Jake were both asleep, and I watched them full of gratitude. Sure, my life had sucked in the past, and it would sure as hell suck again in the future. Bella would be stubborn. I'd be an idiot and do lots of inventory. We'd fight. Jake would become a teenager and hate me for not letting him borrow the car. We'd be happy together just as we'd be angry and sad together. But the most important difference was that I wouldn't be alone.

Forks had been good to me. Dead or alive, Jake would have led me there regardless, and I owned him an enormous debt that I could only repay him by doing my best to make sure that his family was happy.

Then it hit me. I'd never done what I'd come to Forks to do.

The following morning, Bella went back to bed after breakfast to catch up on her sleep. I bundled Jake up and brought him with me as I went back to the cemetery. It was funny how I'd come to Forks to say goodbye to my friend only to end up in his family and – in many ways – get to know him better than I had before.

And as I stood holding his little namesake in front of the headstone bearing his name, I realized that I didn't have to say goodbye. Jacob Swan was everywhere. He was in Sue's smile, in Charlie's wit, in Bella's tears, in my son's name. He was at the bar, in the diner, and everywhere in town. He was – and always would be – deeply ingrained in his friends and family. In our hearts and in our memories.

"You were named after a very special guy," I told my son. "Your Uncle Jake was…well, he was my best friend. I loved him, and your momma loved him. Everyone loved him. When you're old enough, I'm going to tell you all about him."

I lowered my head and kissed Jake's nose. He scrunched up his face, making me smile. "You know what? Daddy's been an idiot. And 'idiot' is an okay word to use as long as it's appropriate, by the way. Daddy's been so scared of coming here to visit Uncle Jake, and all along there's been nothing to be afraid of. Uncle Jake is somewhere up in heaven laughing at Daddy. And it's okay. I hope you never have to be afraid, little buddy, but I hope you learn the difference between real fear and cowardice. And not honoring your friends because it might make you feel bad is cowardice."

Taking one last look at Jake's grave before walking back toward the car, I knew I'd be coming back often. It was a peaceful place, and remembering wasn't as painful as it used to be. The dust had finally settled after the wars I'd fought, and my life was looking more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.

"All right, little man. Let's get back to Momma," I said. With flaily arms and a big yawn, Jake agreed. We were going home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We hope you enjoyed the end of "When the Dust Settles." (Finally!) From the bottom of our hearts - thank you. See you some other time. :)


End file.
